Issue 13 | June | 2012

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Feeding the new mother
The

Fatherly Art of Parenthood

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In Your Life; How Do You ...?

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Recipe for breastfeeding Success! TABLE OF CONTENTS

Feeding The New Mother

08

The Fatherly Art of Parenthood

MoTHerS STorIeS: Joy of The Here and Now

04

14
The Second

Too Tired For

Love

12

12

Time

Sharing Your

Theres A New

Support

Give It A Go!

13

Baby In Your Life...

Shouldering

16

22 Global LLL

19

Tradition,

Carrying the Future

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local group

New inspirational
& Heartfelt breastfeeding DvD-video

helpful resources

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Preview

A special look at breastfeeding, the very heart of mothering.

parenting forums
d d eg breastfeeg u iin

* PAL format available

breastfeeding
guide

online store
for more information

Tip s & Products

Tips & Products

Includes helpful resources and answers to frequently asked breastfeeding questions plus a section featuring books and products.
8th

W N E d iti on E

llli.org

Volume 4, 201

Catalogs Available @ the LLLI Store! http://store.llli.org/public/profile/276 Find us on:

800-LALECHE

Celebrating 55 Years of Mother-to-Mother Support EDITORS NOTE

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Issue 13 | 2012 | Volume 11 | Number 13 2012, La Leche League International, Inc.

Managing Editor | Barbara Higham Contributing Editors | Kathy Abbott, Johanna Horton, Barbara Mullins, Lesley Robinson, Lisa Hassan Scott Review Board | Barbara Emanuel, Gwen Gotsch, Carol Kolar, Kathleen Whitfield Art Director | Ronnelito Larracas Cover Photo | Feed Yourself, Feed Your Family, pg. 215 by Katrine Naleid Advertising Manager | ReNata Bauder Web Development | Dave Davis, Shelly Stanley
Acceptance of paid advertisements does not constitute an LLLI endorsement of the product advertised. LLLI does not require advertisers to carry product liability insurance.

A New Arrival
The arrival of a new baby is a time of change, upheaval, adjustment and a new beginning for every family. Often the reality doesnt meet with our expectations and even the simple everyday things we have up to this point taken for granted, such as eating, showering and sleeping, take on an entirely new and problematical aspect. I remember the intensity of mothering my babies in the early days and months. How could I even put my baby down?! It was a 24/7 responsibility with no respite, leaving me no time for anything else! In this issue, mothers share how they coped with these new challenges that we all encounter when we welcome a new baby into our family. Diana Cassar-Uhl provides practical information for new mothers about how and what you might like to eat, with reference to, and recipes from, the valuable new resource from LLLI, Feed Yourself Feed Your Family. Moms share tips on how to accomplish a variety of normal everyday tasks when there is a new baby in the house (see page 16) and in our Mom to Mom column address the sensitive subject of how to revive their sex lives.

Mailing Lists:
LLLI sometimes makes its mailing list of members available to reputable outside groups. If you prefer not to receive these mailings, notify LLLI at cs@llli.org. La Leche League International fully supports the WHO (World Health Organization) International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes. LLLI Board of Directors, (2009, 2010)

We bring you moms own breastfeeding stories and this time one from a father, too, for the male perspective on breastfeeding. We would welcome hearing from more dads please! HopeAllyson Dwiggins piece on Shouldering Tradition, Carrying the Future is an interesting glimpse at the culture and traditions, old and new, of carrying your baby in a sling. La Leche League is an international organization that connects mothers globally. Please join us wherever you are to share our mom-to-mom support!

Barbara

Barbara Higham editorbt@llli.org Barbara is a La Leche League Leader, managing editor of Breastfeeding Today and co-editor of LLLGBs Breastfeeding Matters. She lives in the spa town of Ilkley, West Yorkshire in the north of England with Simon and their children, Felix (14), Edgar (10) and Amelia (6).

Breastfeeding Today is published by La Leche League International Inc., 957 N. Plum Grove Road, Schaumburg, IL. 60173 USA. Telephone 847-519-7730 (9 AM to 5 PM Central Time). Visit our Website at llli.org. Canadian subscribers should contact LLL Canada at PO Box 700, Winchester, ON K0C 2K0, Canada, or go to www.lalecheleaguecanada.ca with any questions about subscriptions.

llli.org | 2010

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Fathers Story 004

I was working full time (37.5 hours) condensed into three days a week, so had plenty of time to be with Maya at home. As she grew, I continued to carry her in the sling, sing, play and generally have fun. Looking back it can easily appear like a hazy dream but, in reality, it was often difficult in many ways, not least coping with the momentous, irrevocable changes that parenthood brings. But I wouldnt have it any other way. Today, at three years old, Maya is a bright, happy, confident little person with whom I share a close bond. We continue to spend a great deal of time together. Vicky now works part time, so I have two whole days to spend alone with Maya. We take our days together as they come, with little or no agenda to speak of, and have fun, maintaining the bond I know we are very lucky to have. I think that for dads (and indeed moms too) the key to forming and maintaining a close bond is rooted in simplicity. It doesnt come through the material, i.e., money, toys and all that stuff. It comes through closeness, sharing, listening and just being there with your little one. This is always available, right now and its free. Were now expecting another baby and that anticipation is starting to grow again!

The Fatherly Art of Parenthood

Graeme Hendry, Rochester, UK
At the age of 40 having children had never featured in my plans, but now Id changed that view and fatherhood was soon to become a reality. In the months before Maya was born, I never once thought that bonding with her would be a problem and I was right, it wasnt. The anticipation grew ever more intense as the weeks and months passed. My partner, Vicky, and I talked about how we thought wed be as parents. I imagined myself being very involved, available and keen to have fun. As far as breastfeeding was concerned, Id seen my youngest sister, Debbie, breastfeeding her newborn for a short time, many years before, and, at the time, I thought it was the most natural thing in the world. Vicky was keen to breastfeed. When Maya was born, holding her in my arms for the first time felt natural and right, but there was also a sense of anxiety: what do we do now? Vicky breastfed from day one. Far from feeling left out, I saw it as my role to enable Vicky and Maya to do this with minimal distraction and maximum comfort. Arranging the cushions, keeping mom supplied with water, food, music, books, foot rubs, keeping the house in some semblance of order, fielding the phone callsall that helped to create an environment in which Vicky and Maya could immerse themselves in comfort. I never for one moment felt shut out or disengaged.
Photo of Graeme Hendry, by Graeme Hendry

icky breastfed from day one. Far from feeling left out, I saw it as my role to enable them both to do this with minimal distraction and maximum comfort.
One spring morning, when Maya was just a few months old, I placed her in a sling and walked to the park, just the two of us. Keeping a mantra-like rhythm to my steps as we sailed round and round the tree-lined paths in the sunshine, I remember feeling enormously proud and incredibly protective. Our trips to the park became a regular event. During the night time, when Maya found it difficult to settle and Vicky was exhausted, I would carry Maya down to the kitchen, hold her close and dance to the strains of Newton Faulkner for hoursshe seemed to enjoy Newtonreturning to bed once shed settled. And it was to a shared bed we returned. I felt that for us to be close during the day but separate at night would be bizarre.

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This book offers practical, nurturing wisdom for new fathers, and tips from new and experienced fathers are compiled to encourage a strong bond between a father and his child. http://store.llli.org/public/profile/1 18

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Feed Yourself, Feed Your Family | Sample Recipe | Page 234

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Pancakes from la Leche league Baking Mix

MAKeS 18

1. Heat a griddle or large cast iron or nonstick skillet over medium heat. Lightly grease if necessary. 2. Combine the baking mix, milk, and eggs in a large bowl. Stir until just blended. 3. Dollop large spoonfuls of batter onto the hot griddle to form 3-inch rounds. Cook until bubbles begin to form and pop on top, about 3 minutes. Flip and cook until golden brown on the bottom, about 2 minutes.

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Diana Cassar-Uhl 008

Feeding The New Mother

Now that your baby is here, you may be wondering what you can eat or more, likely, youre wondering how youll ever be able to eat again, especially if youre home alone with your baby most of the day. You have to pack lots of nutrition into meals and snacks that dont require a lot of concentration, preparation time, or effort to eat. As well, you want to make sure youre eating right for postpartum healing, energy and robust milk-making.

I need breastfeeding? D owhen Imextra calories

If youve been eating a diet of wholesome, nourishing foods during pregnancy, you probably dont need anything extra for breastfeeding. Your babys suckling is what stimulates your milk production, not how much or how little youre eating, so eat to satisfy your appetite. You may have heard that your body will take whatever it needs to make your milk exactly right for your babys nutritional needs, and this is correct. So you want to make sure the foods you are eating will sustain you! Try not to worry in the first few weeks about losing the baby weight you gained in pregnancy; focus on keeping yourself and your baby nourished and satisfied.

Photo: veer.com

hat about vitamin D?

baby gassy? W ill what I eat make my

levels. Unprotected sun exposure (in moderation) and maternal supplements are two options to inquire about. See here for up-todate information Vitamin D, Your Baby, and You LLLI information sheet http://store.llli.org/public/ profile/505

Vitamin D is the one nutrient that most mothers are not able to pass along to their babies in adequate amounts through breastmilk alone. If you are hesitant to give your baby the recommended 400 IU/day of supplemental vitamin D, talk to your doctor about your own

This is an extremely common concern, but since milk is made from whats in your bloodstream, not whats in your digestive tract, it is highly unlikely that broccoli, cabbage, or other gassy foods will cause distress in your baby. However, babies can be sensitive to food proteins from the mothers

diet that make their way into her milk. You may have met a breastfeeding mother who chose to avoid dairy, soy, eggs, wheat, and/or corn because her baby was uncomfortable when she ate them. If you find yourself in this situation, remember that any dietary restrictions you might undertake are not forevereventually, either your baby will begin to tolerate those foods or he will grow up and wean! Many mothers discover that they feel better than they have in years when they give up the food that was offensive to their babies; this is a likely sign that mom had an unknown food sensitivity. I have a blog post on this topic http:// dianaibclc.com/2012/01/08/sowhat-can-i-eat/

Breakfast is still the most important meal of the day, and getting your morning off to a good start is vital if youre going to keep up with your baby. Luckily, breakfast is also really easy to prepare ahead of time, or to have family and friends prepare for you when they offer to help you. Here are a few breakfast ideas: Oatmeal can be cooked ahead of time, in a large batch, and stored in individual servings. Heat a serving and top with your favorite fruits, spices, nuts or sweeteners. Apples, bananas, berries, chopped almonds and cashews (or a spoonful of almond or cashew

S tart the day right

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f youve been eating a diet of wholesome, nourishing foods during pregnancy, you probably dont need anything extra for breastfeeding. Your babys suckling is what stimulates your milk production, not how much or how little youre eating, so eat to satisfy your appetite.
butter), cinnamon, nutmeg, and maple syrup are all delicious over oatmeal. A serving of oatmeal offers a hearty dose of fiber, and is inexpensive. Additionally, studies have demonstrated that oats may be lactogenic, helping you to sustain robust milk production (Jacobson, 2004). Muffins are another terrific grab-and-go breakfast that can be made ahead of time and frozen (or brought to you by friends and family who ask, What do you need?), so theyre always on hand. Rather than sweet, cupcake-like muffins that are available at bakeries and coffee shops, make yours with vegetables like zucchini and carrots, and experiment with flours other than wheat; oat flour and almond flour each make a moist, delicious muffin. Fruits and fruit purees add sweetness and texture with less sugar. See the recipe for apple-bran muffins in Feed Yourself, Feed Your Family. Hard-boiled eggs are a terrific protein source and can be prepared ahead of time. They can be eaten on their own, and one-handed!

C an I have my morning coffee?

While every mother metabolizes caffeine differently, and very young babies take a long time to break down caffeine (so any that passes to baby has the potential to accumulate), a cup of coffee is not likely to have a negative effect. Give it a try and watch your baby (and yourself) closely for signs of irritability or sleeplessness. If caffeine causes trouble at first, wait a few weeks and try it again when your baby has grown a bit.

Salads are super easy, too. Have someone chop lettuce, bell peppers, carrots, celery, whatever you like in a salad and store them in the refrigerator. At lunchtime, grab a bowl and pile in the vegetables. Prepared salsa makes a unique and flavorful dressing instead of bottled dressings, which tend to be nutritionally empty. Nut butters make a great quick stuffing for celery, a spread for apple slices or an easy sandwich.

L unchtime!

Whether youve had a busy morning at a moms group, taken a nice walk outside, or stayed at home snoozing and nursing the hours away with a snuggly newborn, youre going to get hungry again at lunchtime. If youre like many new mothers, youre on your own at home for lunch, and the amount of time you have to throw something nourishing and satisfying is limited. Like breakfasts, lunches are easy to prepare ahead of time. Family and friends who offer to help you in the early weeks can chop raw veggies, assemble a variety of cold salads, or give you soups in individually-stored servings, so all you have to do is heat and eat. Now that youre not pregnant any more, foods like soft cheeses and deli meats are convenient and back on the menu. Sandwiches are always easy, or roll-ups of meat and cheese are quick and easy to eat. Toddlers love pinwheels, made from slices of rolled deli meats and cheeses. Raw veggies are inexpensive, easy to prepare ahead of time (or ask a helpful visitor to bring), and can be used in everything from soups to salads, and as vehicles for a protein-rich, flavorful dip. Hummus can be purchased or easily prepared and dont feel limited to chickpeas as your base! Canned white or black beans can also be pureed with some olive oil, garlic, lemon, and herbs and made into a delicious dip. See the microwave eggplant dip recipe on page 95 of Feed Yourself, Feed Your Family. Dont forget guacamole! You can dip vegetables in it or use it as a sandwich condiment.

Snacks will help you keep your energy up throughout a busy day with your baby. Be sure to choose foods that will provide good nutrition and save junk foods like candy, sugary baked goods, and chips for once in a while. Focus on snacks like nuts (a handful is a serving, be careful not to overestimate because they are very calorie dense), fruit, one-ounce cheese cubes (or string cheese), and raw vegetables like snap pea pods or grape tomatoes. If youll be snacking on the go, prepare a small container of trail mix (a few varieties of nuts, raisins and/or other small dried fruits, a few chocolate chips or other small chocolate candies) and have a handful. Smoothies can be another quick, delicious snack. Consider including leafy green vegetables, coconut milk or other nutritious foods in your smoothies.

S nacks

W hats for dinner?

After a long day with your baby, preparing a meal may feel like the last thing you want to do, especially if evenings are fussy for your baby, you have a tired toddler, or you just want some adult conversation. Again, if you have family and friends asking how they can help you, ask them to bring you dinners! The best meals are the ones you can eat more than one time from, that take minimal preparation on your part (put it in the oven and forget it until its ready), or freeze for a later date. Baked pasta dishes, soups, stews, and roasts are all easy to heat and eat. Once the parade of food-bearing visitors wanes and youve eaten all the treasures in your freezer, turn to the crock-pot! A crock-pot meal can be prepared in advance, then started first thing in the morning and forgotten until dinnertime.

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When your baby reaches about nine months of age or so, you might want to streamline your meal preparation time so that hes eating what youre eating. You can prepare soups like lentil, chicken, beef, or bean and add diced vegetables. Before seasoning or adding ingredients like tomatoes or spicy items (sausage, bacon), remove a portion for your baby. You might choose to lightly mash or puree his meal, leaving small chunks for him to grab with his fingers. Small alphabet pasta or rice are nice additions to soups that youll share with your baby. Take-out is always an option! Try for foods that are as close to their natural state as possiblethey will be much better for you than fast foods or convenience foods with lots of salt, sauces or other empty ingredients. Keep in mind that your main job is to keep yourself and your baby fed, on demand! With a little advance planning, you can stock your refrigerator and pantry with foods that will nourish and satisfy you through this wonderfully demanding period of your life.

Read The Breastfeeding Mothers Nutrition

FOODS YOU CAN EAT WITH ONE HAND

http://viewer.zmags.com/publication/56afe9 6d#/56afe96d/10 Behan, E (2006) Eat Well, Lose Weight While Breastfeeding: The Complete Nutrition Book for Nursing Mothers New York: Ballantine Books. http://store.llli.org/public/profile/283 La Leche League International (2012) Feed Yourself, Feed Your Family New York: Ballantine Books Baked goods to go. Choose whole-grain muffins and bagels, slices of multigrain bread. Smoothies. Start with low-fat yoghurt and fruit. Add ice if desired, thin with skim milk and give it an omega-3 kick with a tablespoon of ground flax-seed. Bar food. High-quality granola or energy bars. Read the labels! An ice-cream cone. Go ahead, you deserve it. http://store.llli.org/public/profile/548 Diana Cassar-Uhl has been a La Leche League Leader since 2005 and an IBCLC since 2009. She is pursuing a Master of Public Health and is eager to study the connection between maternal diet and infant health in breastfed babies. Mother to Anna (9), Simon (7) and Gabriella (4), she recently left her job as a clarinetist on active military duty in the US Army so she could do more in service to mothers and babies. Diana blogs about breastfeeding at http://DianaIBCLC.com.

Photo by shutterstock.com.

Wraps, pitas and sandwiches. Selfcontainedno tomato slices sliding out onto babys head and just about crumb-free. Fill as you wishlean turkey, calcium-packed cheeses and fiber-rich vegetables are best picks. Presliced vegetables. Try carrots, bell peppers and celery with healthy dips. Try hummus, tahini or tzatziki (yoghurt-cucumber dip). Easy-to-eat fruit. Apples, cantaloupe cubes, bananas, grapes and berries, orange slices (peel before you get comfortable).

Adapted from Feed Yourself Feed Your Family pages 6566.

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Nurturing Life
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Mothers Stories 012

supportive friends who could answer my questionsyall know who you are and I love you! I bought this book and connected myself on this website. I did all this before little Molly was even born. I wrote a birth plan that included my having skin-to-skin contact with my baby immediately after birth, along with nursing soon after that for an hour or more (which did happen). Once Molly was here, I nursed her on demand. I have never looked at a clock when it comes to her eating. I follow her lead. When she shows any signs of being hungry, she gets fed. She also sleeps within arms reach of me and nurses as much as she wants at night. Here we are, 1 weeks later, and going strong! 1 Molly has never had a drop of formula and is in the 90th percentile for weight. She is putting herself on a nice little schedule and waking up a couple of times in the night to eat. I am working part time and I pump my milk when Im not with Molly. She gets about three bottles of the milk I have expressed while I am at work. Pumping is great tooonce you get the hang of it.
Photo of Emily Drew and Molly

The Second Time

Emily Drew, Raleigh, North Carolina, USA

Joy of The Here and Now

Jennifer Rosenzweig, Staten Island, NY, USA

Photo courtesy of Jennifer Rosenzweig

My breastfeeding journey with Emma was very short livedjust a few weeks. I had assumed I was going to breastfeed her. I had seen my sister successfully breastfeed two babies, so why would it be different for me? Emma was never exclusively breastfed. She had her first bottle of formula before even leaving the hospital. She was born five weeks early and tiny. The nurses and doctors were concerned about her weight. She was a sleepy nurser. I would have to undress her at every feeding just to keep her awake. Every attempt at nursing was a struggle from the beginning. Her pediatrician had me keep a chart of when she ate, how long, how many ounces. It was overwhelming. Why was breastfeeding not working for me? What was I doing wrong? By the time I went back to work at 12 weeks, Emma was exclusively formula-fed. It took me a while to come to terms with that. Jumping ahead three years, I got pregnant with Molly. I was determined to make breastfeeding work this time. I surrounded myself with

I attribute my breastfeeding success to Molly, the support of my dear friends, the skin-to-skin contact right after the birth and to The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. Really, if you just listen to your baby, she will let you know what she needs. She knows when she is hungry, how long she wants to eat and how much she wants to eat. Your baby is designed to know these things and mamas are designed to fulfill all her needs! I love being a breastfeeding mom. I love it when Molly looks up at me and smiles and when she sleepily pulls away with milk drooling from her mouth. After a day at work, when I get home and nurse her, she hugs me with her whole body and her sweet little hand rests peacefully on my chest. Im not sure how long I will breastfeed Molly. This is something else I will follow her lead on. For now, I love it all.

The third time I miscarried was 20 weeks into my pregnancy. To add to the heartbreak of losing my baby, David, my milk came in. I stood in the shower in pain, crying, grieving the loss. I was fearful throughout my next pregnancy, all the way to 36 weeks when I went into labor. One of the questions when I was admitted to hospital was whether I intended to breastfeed. Every person thereafter was informed that my baby was not to be given formula milk. The question seemed to awaken something in me. I realized I hadnt dared to let myself hope for the day I could hold and snuggle my baby. It would make another loss that much harder. I was determined to nurse for the entire first year! If only it had turned out to be that easy. It was four and a half weeks before my daughter, Josey, nursed for the first time, and three months before she would nurse consistently. Needless to say, my pump and I were very close! That year I was determined to manage was earned in baby steps. Six weeks, three months, six months ... It wasnt easy, but we made it! Now, at 15 months, sometimes I wish she didnt need my breast to doze off, and sometimes I wish she would want it more often.

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I still cant believe that she is mine. All I can focus on is the here and now, the awe of her first steps; the way she tells off a waiter for not bringing her food fast enough; the way her face lights up as she sees my husband or me; the way her face crinkles up when she fills her diaper and the way she smiles her milky smiles and giggles, lost in sweet dreamy sleep. Ive learned to enjoy each step of parenthood because it is short lived. I already miss the time when she would sleep a good part of the day, when I could set her down and know that I would find her in the same spot a while later, knowing that she couldnt reach anything above floor level. Its lovely that she still wants to hold hands to walk. I think the sadness of my losses has made me more appreciative of all the little things in life, and what a dream come true my daughter really is. Breastfeeding had never crossed my mind again until I was 25 and expecting my first child. I planned to formula-feed. However, as my pregnancy progressed, I became more aware of the benefits of breastfeeding. I brought the subject up with my husband, who was in favor of breastfeeding. He is the youngest of 13 children. His mother birthed all of these children at home with the help of a midwife and they were all breastfed. If he had not been so encouraging and supportive, I would not have given breastfeeding a second thought. Now we have three children of our own. The youngest is seven weeks old, and I love breastfeeding. When I was last pregnant, I found myself looking forward to nursing a baby again. Breastfeeding has been a great experience! I feel very lucky that breastfeeding has come so easily to me. I feel blessed that my children latched on and fed well. It is challenging at times but is well worth it. I hope that maybe this will inspire someone else to give breastfeeding a try. La Leche League has been a wonderful place to connect with other like-minded mothers, which is something I am finding more and more important. I feel a renewed sense of happiness in my circle of LLL support. I love how LLL recognizes the normal aspect of breastfeeding, and has done so for the past 55 years. Today I gave a fellow mom the LLL helpline number. She has a four-month-old who is refusing to nurse during the day. I hope she will take advantage of the support available through your organization. Even though we never had any particular breastfeeding challenges, my baby and I have been enjoying LLL monthly meetings since he was born and embrace LLL philosophy. Thanks LLL! To find local support visit www.llli.org

Give It A Go!

Sharing Your Support

Quincy Lambe, Saskatoon, SK, Canada

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Photo by shutterstock.com.

Jessica Sanchez, Navasota, TX, USA

I am now breastfeeding my third child. I have not had any major issues or problems while breastfeeding so far. My siblings and I were not breastfed. My first exposure to breastfeeding was when I met my best friend at the age of 12. Her mother was still breastfeeding her youngest child. My friends little sister was about two or three at the time. Sometimes when we would go places with her family, her little sister would throw a tantrum and yell, I want booby! Of course, to two 12-year-old girls this was absolutely mortifying.

Photo courtesy of Quincy Lambe

La Leche League International, in cooperation with the California Milk Processor Board, is an official licensee to use the got breastmilk? brand.

Ive just been reading the last issue of Breastfeeding Today and wanted to tell you how Im enjoying breastfeeding my 1 1-month-old, Grayson.

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Mom To Mom
Mothers sitUation TOO TIRED FOR LOVE I have a six-month-old baby, a demanding job and a grumpy husband with whom I have very little time alone. I am usually exhausted after work and spend a good chunk of the evening caring for our baby. I just dont feel in the mood to be intimate with my husband. He is unhappy that we dont have sex any more. How do other working mothers find time alone with their husbands? And when can I expect my libido to return?

It helps to remember that there is more to sex than penetration. We used this time to become more creative about meeting sexual needs and added new approaches that benefited the relationship. Nor does intercourse always need to be the result of desire on both sides but can occasionally be a concession made lovingly in order to meet the needs of the other. It can be easy to get out of the habit and sometimes a little vague willingness, As long as you dont want me too active or awake, was enough to remind my body what it had been missing. We were more creative about time and place, too. I am far better at four in the afternoon than eleven at night. If your baby has a daytime nap that might be an opportunity for a little loving interaction. Or maybe you have family nearby whod like to take your baby for a walk to give you time alone together. Flexibility of this kind also helped as the children got older. Its not just new babies who make having a sex life challenging! Address the tiredness: thats probably your main enemy right now. Have fun finding out what works for you.

Photo: Tania, Nathan and Kennedy Kowalski photographer Sacha Blackburne

R esponse

Nighttime love making after a tiring day just isnt on for most of us. Many parents find that mornings in bed at the weekend, when your baby has gone back to sleep after an early morning breastfeed can help to re-invigorate their sex life.

lost their libido. Consider, too, that some men begin to wonder if they were only appreciated for their baby-making qualities. They need to know that they are still important, still loved, still desirable. So we made sure to use loving words often and to increase the number of loving gesturesjust simple touches in passing, cuddling up together on the sofa with or without the baby, holding hands while we walked together. We agreed that these gestures were complete in themselves and not suggestive of or promising more. I have talked to many new mums who would love to be held close but hold back because they feel that any show of affection might be interpreted as promising more. Not every kiss is foreplay. With luck, some may be.

This sounds like a difficult time for you all. The exhaustion of working all day and then having to tend to your little one in the evening can really wear you down. I remember reading in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding that if your man just gently nestles up to you and caresses you while you are breastfeeding it can help to release the tensions of the day. You may not want to make love afterwards, but the tenderness of his caresses can help you both to relax. You can ask him to do this and then tell him how much it means to you and how much you love him.

Sue Cardus, Coventry UK

esponse

It can be difficult to find time to be alone once we become a family. Being back at work is one more thing to fill an already busy day and drain already sapping energy. Libido and tiredness dont go well together. We had many long conversations about how we felt and what we needed. Necessarily, many of these needs were contradictory. New fathers are usually less physically drained and are not likely to have

Eileen Harrison, Brittany, France

R esponse

This sounds familiar. Your baby is still very young and your body and soul have been through such a lot. In time you will get things back to normal.

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Some breastfeeding mothers have difficulties with lubrication and a hormone pessary from your doctor can be transformational. I found both times that my libido properly returned with the resumption of my periods. Until then I would never feel in the mood for sex but often surprised myself if I agreed to give it a go, Id relax, switch off from work and instantly be ready for sleep afterward. My man took a lot of convincing that I was still attracted to him. Men have a tendency to take these things personally! Communication is helpful. I am very upfront about whether I want sex for me, just intimacy, or am happy to provide a quickie for him. This cuts out a long and draining pretense when you have better things to spend your energy on! Building on your relationship and physical intimacy outside sex is a good initial step to help you both feel attractive, confident and in love. Weekly date nights with special ready meals work a treat for us!

was beneficial and we both returned to our work or family caring feeling refreshed. If you are too far from each other to make meeting during the day practical, you could consider adjusting your schedules to free up some other time together, by sharing breakfast or chatting when one of you is in the bath, or giving your partner a lift somewhere when he would normally drive alone. Once you are both focused on looking for and being open to opportunities for connecting, all sorts of creative possibilities will present themselves. Even a shared trip to the petrol station can boost your relationship and mood! When your libido will return can depend not just on the quality of your relationship, but on selfcare measures, such as eating healthily, exercising and getting as much sleep as possible. Focusing on catching up on sleep for a week can give you the energy to meet lifes demands for weeks after. I personally found when caring for a young baby, that sex was much further from my mind than it was from my partners. However, once I put my mind to it, the hormonal effect of breastfeeding meant I was more quickly and easily aroused.

R esponse

I tell my husband that nothing puts me in the mood like a clean house, a clean husband and clean sheets! If all of these things arent done, hes welcome to help me to get them done. Then, either were both too tired to do anything but the house is clean or the house is clean and we have some time together. Its hard when you are tired, but sometimes when Im not in the mood but do give in, then the cuddling and kissing quickly remind me how nice that is, so long as Im not thinking about the laundry or my baby makes a noise!

Tina Kimbley Villalobos, New York, USA

See LLLI Breastfeeding and Sexuality Information Pamphlet http://store.llli.org/public/profile/247 new Mothers sitUation HOW OFTEN TO FEED? I think breastfeeding is going well for me and my six-week-old baby. His weight gain is good and he is pretty contented with plenty of wet and dirty diapers. However, my worry is how often he breastfeeds. Everyone I have spoken to has suggested four-hourly feeds are to be expected. My prenatal class teacher said to expect fourhourly feeds. My sister and sister-in-law both said their babies fed four hourly. Even my midwife said four hourly was the norm. I feel worried now because my baby feeds much more frequently than that, day and night. Could anything be wrong?

Betty Smithson, Madrid, Spain

Katrina, Leatherhead, UK

esponse

The situation you are describing sounds difficult, as well as familiar to many mothers. You describe your job as demanding and sex would be unappealing if you were to see it in a similar way as a demand on your scarce energy and time (albeit also as an opportunity to exercise your skills for some reward!) Ask your husband what sex is to him and pose yourself the same question. It might be about reassurance, love declaration, tension release or something else. You might find other ways to satisfy those needs, by sharing other ways that your partner could make you feel cared for, or other ways of connecting. Sex could then be one of a range of options open to you and it might appeal more once you have nourished one another and the relationship in other ways. Meeting with my husband at least once a week for a lunchtime sandwich in the park or a coffee

esponse

Im on maternity leave from my job at the moment with my four-month-old. I also have a five-year-old and three-year-old stepson. I find that I need to feel attractive even to be open to the suggestion of lovemaking. When we havent got my stepson and my mom has my five-yearold, I have a long soak in the bath with expressed milk at hand for my other half to give to our baby. I do my hair, put on a bit of makeup and some clothes that make me feel I look good. I cook a nice candle lit meal for the two of us and we snuggle up and watch a DVD. That usually does the trick and its lovely. We dont even have to get a baby sitter for my little one. We just wait for him to go to sleep.

Send your responses to editorbt@llli.org

Leeanne Smith, Halesowen, West Midlands, UK

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I prepare food quickly in the mornings using the slow cooker so its ready by the evening. Sandwiches can be frozen and only take 20 minutes to defrost. I pop my baby in a sling while I prepare meals. I cook extra portions to freeze so I dont need to cook as often.

say No when I didnt have the strength to have visitors. I gave visitors a list of tasks and asked if theyd be good enough to help with one or two of them while they were here. I kept my dressing gown on and received visitors in the bedroom so that they were aware that I wasnt ready to act as hostess just yet.

Photo courtesy of Lena Ostroff

E Theres A New Baby In Your Life; How Do You ...?

Answers come from LLL mothers

at?

One handed, with baby on my lap! Wearing my baby in a sling. Often my baby will want to breastfeed when its time for me to eat so my partner cuts my food in to bite-sized pieces so I can hold my baby with one arm and still use a fork.

C lean your house?

I flick a duster round when my baby is awake and vacuum when he is having a nap. Laundry can be folded while were having a little chat and everything else goes on hold now. I love my home and am house proud, but I love my baby more! Lowering your standards is the best way! I only do the barest minimum of cleaning. Vacuuming can be done wearing my baby in the sling. My partner does it.

I put my baby in the Moses basket on the floor of the bathroom, or I have a bath with my baby instead. I get under the shower when my baby is asleep, or I bring him in the bathroom in his baby seat. I sing to my baby while Im showering.

ake a shower?

G
Photo: veer.com

o shopping for groceries?

Shop online.

With my baby asleep in her sling. I like to pop out to buy groceries daily for a walk with my baby in his pram, which he enjoys too, and I can push the shopping home without having to carry it.

C ook dinner?

My fianc does it, or I prepare something I can do safely carrying my baby in her sling. My baby is a few months old now and loves watching just about everything I do, so I put him in a reclining chair, so he can watch me working in the kitchen. Sometimes I dont. Dad then collects ready roasted chicken with salad and French bread on his way home from work.

ope with visitors?

I let them know where the tea and coffee is (and yes I would love one!)
Photo: veer.com

By having my husband act as gatekeeper to limit visitors, giving me time in the early days to concentrate on caring for my baby. By giving myself the right to

Pushing the pram outdoors, carrying my little one around in the house and running up and down the stairs is enough for me right

ake exercise?

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now. I used to love going to the gym but its going in the category of things I can take up again later. Its more important for me to bond with my baby now. I walk whenever possible instead of going by car. I do some exercise when my baby is asleep.
Photo: veer.com

s h op now!
Everyone says it, but do sleep when your baby sleeps. You need all your energy and so does your new baby. And babies love a snuggle with their mummy or daddy. Whenever I can, with my baby in bed.

I take my baby to the swimming pool and her dad holds her while I swim. I breastfeed her at the side of the pool or afterward in the caf.

S leep?

R elax?
Photo: veer.com

I practice yoga and meditation. I do some exercises alone and some can be done with my baby. My husband holds the baby while I treat myself to a long hot bath. With a treat such as chocolate! There is nothing better than settling down with a nice cup of tea and a biscuit, some DVDs and my baby in my arms.

breastfeeding
Volume 5, 201 1

I involve them in looking after our baby as much as possible. Have a special box/bag of toys/books to keep for when the baby is nursing. Pop baby in the sling to leave my hands free to play with the children or take them to the park. Lay my baby on a mat and sit on the floor close by and read or watch TV with my toddler. My husband now spends more time with our older children while I nurse the baby.

ake care of older children?

s h op pi n g guid e

tinyurl.com/breastfeedingshop

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Shouldering Tradition, Carrying the Future

As humans, we use our hands for everything, and the loss of one or both hands to carrying an infant or young child hampers an adults ability to navigate and provide for themselves, older children and extended family. Finding a way to free those hands, while still keeping the baby close is enormously helpful. Baby wearing, using a sling or soft carrier, is a time-honored tradition that is seen as essential for caring for a baby in many cultures around the world. But the traditions surrounding baby wearing go far beyond just carrying the baby close to a parent or caregiver; often, the actual carrier has a cultural and symbolic meaning. Among the South American Ashaninka, the carrier, called a tsompirontsi, is a symbol of readiness on the part of the parents to provide for a new baby. The young woman, who likely has carried younger brothers and sisters in a tsompirontsi since she herself was a young girl, must grow, process the cotton, spin the yarn and weave the cloth for the tsompirontsi in anticipation of her marriage. This entire process shows her ability to contribute productively to the new household. The man is expected to hunt for small animals. A single bone is taken from each animal he kills, carved with protective symbols, and presented to the bride to add to the edge of the tsompirontsi. In this way, the man proves his ability to provide food for the new household. After the baby is born, the dangling bones clink as the mother walks, and both the sound and the symbols carved on the bones protect the baby symbolically and spiritually. In China, babies and young children are frequently carried on the backs of those caring for

Photo by shutterstock.com.

Tradition is a powerful element in how we choose to do many things. Our mothers and grandmothers were our first teachers and, through their often unconscious example, they paved the way for us. Following many of these traditions makes sense.
Issue 13 2012

The tradition of carrying babies in our arms is as old as humanity itself. To keep our babies close meant they were physically safe, had immediate and direct access to the food in our breasts, were kept warm by our bodies, and were able to view the
llli.org

world from a safe perch, enabling them to learn every moment of the day. They also cried less, slept more peacefully, were more calm and content and benefited from the constant physical contact with parent or caregiver.

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them. The carriers are often decorated with symbols to protect the baby, sometimes with elements of five things, or with coins to ensure prosperity. The number five is auspicious both traditionally and in modern China. Traditionally, five represents the five blessings: long life, good health, wealth or high social status, love and a natural death. The number five in modern China stands for the five guarantees: housing, food, clothing, medical care and funeral costs. Frequently, symbols for happiness will be embroidered on the carrier. Examples might include ducks, butterflies or stars; often, the bride receives the carrier as a wedding gift.

oja, have begun marketing this sling, and the name has become a generic term for baby slings regionally. Many of us have fallen out of touch with the traditions of our own ancestors and the way they carried or cared for their babies. However, new traditions are being created and handed down as we relearn the benefits of carrying our babies. The number and type of carriers available on the market today is vast, especially with access to the Internet. More and more frequently, baby-wearing demonstrations are becoming popular with groups of new mothers. In these demonstrations, an experienced baby-wearing mother will come with a number of carriers, describe the benefits and limitations of each and allow new mothers to try them. The new mothers can then discover what works for them and their babies without having to purchase different carriers to try them on their own. Several new traditions are starting with mothers who baby-wear today. The heirloom carrier is one that a mother puts away after her child has outgrown it for that childs own future babies. This lovely tradition is gaining strength among those who use a variety of carriers with their child or children and note that each child has a specific carrier that they particularly love to be carried in. note. Any ornament that is added to a baby carrier should be very securely attached and positioned so that it cannot end up in the babys mouth. In a recent baby welcoming ceremony, a new mother was blessed with beads with which she could decorate her new babys carrier. By gifting a bead, or other ornament, the giver is not only welcoming the baby into the world, but showering love and acceptance for mother and baby into the community. Its an interesting revival of old traditions along with a creation of new ones as we carry our babies into the future.

For more information, please see: www.llli.org/nb/nbbabywearing.html hopeallyson Dwiggins is an LLL Leader, an Associate Professional Liaison Department Administrator for the Alliance for Breastfeeding Education and a private practice IBCLC in Horsham, Pennsylvania, USA. She wore all three of her breastfed children.

he tradition of carrying babies in our arms is as old as humanity itself. To keep our babies close meant they were physically safe, had immediate and direct access to the food in our breasts, were kept warm by our bodies, and were able to view the world from a safe perch
In Nigeria, mothers and babies are isolated for the first seven days after delivery. It is only on the eighth day that the baby will be named and carried for the first time. The first time a baby is carried it is usually by a grandmother who will fasten the baby to her back. Mothers are adept at shifting their babies to the back and fastening them there. Although names for the carrier differ according to population groups, the Yoruba women, whose name for their type of sling is

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n Provides extensive breastfeeding information and support. n Is present in 68 countries and helps millions of people. n Has a process for accrediting volunteer Leaders who make themselves available to moms who are seeking breastfeeding informationwhether its through a phone call in the middle of the night or at a gathering with other moms. n Supports health care professionals so that mothers under their care receive the latest information. n Provides a variety of opportunities for mothers to receive information, support, and encouragement from the best breastfeeding experts in the world: experienced mothers. n Provides a website, which helps parents find the latest information, connect with others on an online forum, and shop for books and products.

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LLL Hong Kong took part in a joint press conference with the Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative to highlight the importance of breastfeeding in the wake of the Japan crisis.

A look at what is happening in LLL around the world

La Leche League Great Britain

Turkish and Romansh. With all these languages and cultures represented, LLL Switzerland can often offer mother-to-mother support in a persons mother tongue. Established at first in the Zurich area, the majority of LLL Leaders in Switzerland still live in the North and, until recently, this is where the majority of meetings, in German, English and Spanish, took place. LLL in Eastern Switzerland (Ticino) held meetings in Italian and in Western Switzerland (Suisse romande), meetings were held in French. Western Switzerland, with a huge expatriate community, only had French groups, and breastfeeding support in languages other than French was hard to find. But in late 2010, two new native English-speaking Leaders were accredited, and they now lead English groups in three towns in the area: Geneva, Nyon and Lausanne (a 60km radius). Mothers who started attending the groups at their inception are now breastfeeding toddlers and new Leaders are being trained. Like the English and Spanish groups in Zurich and the other groups across Switzerland, these three groups are now thriving and providing needed support to expatriate mothers. LLL Leaders truly cross boundaries: they are a diverse group, from different countries and cultures and they speak many different languages. They respect others and provide peer support and information to every mother who asks. In Switzerland, it is possible to see the diversity of LLL Leaders and of LLL in general in one small country. La Leche League is International, Switzerland alone proves this point! Thanks mothers, fathers and Leaders worldwide! Interested in learning more about LLL Switzerland? Visiting Switzerland and want to attend an LLL group while you are here? Visit our websites and subdomains: www.lalecheleague.ch suisse-romande.lalecheleague.ch zuerich.lalecheleague.ch

LLL Schweiz/Suisse/Svizzera/ Svizra/Switzerland

Following the LLLGB Ten New Groups Project, which was funded by the UK Department of Health to set up new LLL groups in England, LLLGB has received funding to set up new groups in Wales and are inviting mothers in Wales to think about leadership. Awareness Days and Leader Applicant Workshops will be taking place over the next year. Information about the Welsh New Groups Project can be accessed here: http://www.laleche.org.uk/ pages/about/Welshnewgroups.htm

Support Groups for Local and Expatriate Communities When they think of Switzerland, many people think of cheese, mountains, cuckoo clocks, banks and chocolate, yet Switzerland is a country of diverse culture and languages. Though its a small country, there are four official languages (Swiss-German, French, Italian and Romansh) and dialectic variations within these. Switzerland is home to many international organizations, businesses and groups, and there is a large, often transient, community of expatriates. Expatriates, as the term suggests, are not native to Switzerland and for the most part their emotional and parenting language is not an official language or culture. So unlike the other communities who have family and friends and government structures to turn to for support, expatriates turn to each other. Luckily they can also turn to La Leche League. LLL in Switzerland has been around for over 30 years and now offers support groups and Series Meetings in German, French and Italian and also in Spanish and English. Some groups are bilingual. Its Leaders offer telephone support in these languages, but also Dutch, Hungarian, Serbian,

LLL Japan

Information regarding LLL Japan was publicized after the earthquake via a distribution of wet tissues. These were very useful when safe water sources were scarce. A sticker with LLL Japans contact information appeared on the tissue packages. There was much cooperative action with other organizations, such as the UNICEF baby hot line. http://www.llljapan.org/

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GlobaLLL 023

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The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding

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his first joke. I remember the lowsthe nipple pain; feeling overwhelmed by Olivers needs. But the hundreds of normal days, the thousands of warm, enjoyable but unmemorable feeds, fade into a blur. Attending LLL meetings and hearing about other mothers breastfeeding and parenting experiences have been brilliant. Over the past two and a half years I have gained so much from the mothers I have met through LLL. Theyve suggested tips for specific situations, changed some of my attitudes completely, and given me true empathy. Their experiences have helped me to recognize the truth in the phrase this too shall pass. This has really helped me to enjoy the good bits and cope with the rocky periods. I would like to say a particularly warm thank you to my local Leaders Ruth, Suzanne, and Barbara for their listening ears, helpful information, and, of course, their friendship.

Sisters Diane and Jamie and their babies

s to re . l l l i . o rg

A Gift from My Sister

about it, just the basics, and thought that my baby and I would figure it out if it were meant to be. I didnt talk to my husband about it much or have him read anything about it either. I remember him being very shocked when late in the pregnancy I announced that I would be exclusively feeding the baby; we would not be using bottles if all went well. I remember he was not too happy about it. Looking back now, both of us should have read a lot more and given a lot more thought to the subject. My sister and I were not breastfed. Our mom says it just was not something you did then. So, we had never really been around any breastfeeding mothers. We were never taught about it in school, and no one ever talked to us about it. I believe that my

lackadaisical attitude toward breastfeeding during my pregnancy came from a lack of knowledge; knowledge (thank goodness) that my sister learned from a book and passed on to me. When my daughter was born, I had some complications, and it took seven days for my milk to come inseven long days in which my husband and I were vigorously reading about breastfeeding. Our LLL Leader, Jeanette, was awesome, providing us with much needed support and encouragement. She even came to visit me at my house because I was too ill to leave. And, of course, I called my sister. At that point I was determined to breastfeed. Seeing what a positive experience it was for my sister made me all the more eager to nurse my own child. I am so glad that I did. My 11-month-old daughter, Madison,

My younger sister, Jaime, has always been one to learn a lot by reading. So when she was pregnant, Jaime read and learned a lot about breastfeeding. She joined a La Leche League Group in her area and established a wonderful breastfeeding relationship with her daughter, Erin. When I became pregnant a month after Erin was born, I asked Jaime about breastfeeding. She told me several positives about it and told me to look up the number of my local LLL Group. She didnt push information on me. In her quiet way, she just recommended I read about it and decide for myself. I attended one LLL meeting late in my pregnancy. I didnt read a whole lot

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