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Topic: Marital Conflicts and Woman

CONTENTS Chapter 1: Introduction Marriage In laws role of relationship Forms of Marriage Conflicts Types of Martial Conflicts Causes of Martial Conflicts Literature Review(Articles) Chapter:2 Methodology Objectives Operational Definition Sampling Tools Research design Procedure Chapter: 3 Results Analyze the results Chapter: 4 Discussions Discussions Conclusions Limitations

Appendix: (questionnaire) References:

Martial conflicts and Woman Chapter:1

MARRIAGE is a struggle, a constant struggle to relate intimately to another human being without being controlled or taken for granted. It can be a playful struggle that enriches both spouses and fosters their growth, or it can be a deadly struggle, in which one or both spouses are convinced that their emotional--even physical--survival is at stake. Marriage is a means through which a man and a woman propagate their species and likeness and so transmit their lives. In-laws in marriage relationship refers to the relatives one acquires through marriage. These in-laws are relatives of either the husband or wife. Those who constitute in-laws in this context are parents and siblings of the couples. The fact that parents are involved in the marriage negotiation and the subsequent innate desire to help their children settle down quickly, lead to intrusion into the privacy of the couple, which could occasionally cause misunderstanding. Shyrack (1968) opines that: although parents intrusion may cause strife in the home, these in laws are often unaware that their presence is causing someone pain, Jealousy is always very rare for a mother in-law and daughter in-law to have a cordial relationship. Umoh (1998) feels that the cause of the problem is accusations and counteraccusations between the two women. The mother in-law often sees her daughter in-law as a rival. When a man gets married, the anticipation by family members is having children in the nearest possible time. As the marriage progresses if there is no sign of pregnancy, worries set in for the couples; the period of waiting for pregnancy is a time of anxiety and unsolicited advice and suggestions from relatives and friends. The woman who is unable to become pregnant is the focus of discussion by the in-laws. The in-laws never care to know who is the cause of the barrenness but would simply accuse the woman either of infidelity, teenage abortion or witchcraft. All-Female Children is a related problem to barrenness as it concerns in-laws. This is simply the inability of a wife to give birth to male children. Even literate families still blame lack of male children on the wife. 2.5.4 Socio-Cultural Practices Some cultural practices in the society breed problems between the in-laws and the couple. One of such practices is giving of

names to children. If a child is given a name without the consent of the parent in-laws, hell is let loose. Basically, in the Northern Cross River, according to Agim (1997), there are five forms of marriage practices, namely: Betrothals, marriage by engagement, ordinary marriage, marriage by elopement and marriage by inheritance. In the early years, the arrangement for betrothal was mainly done by parents. When a boy approached the age of puberty, his parents sought for a young girl to be engaged to him. Traditionally, this marriage by engagement is the most important and the most highly recognized form of marriage in the study area. It is marriage according to the native law and custom of the people, which everybody is obliged to undergo. The process helps in making a successful marriage. Ugbe (1985) explains that: The purpose of the engagement is to afford the couple the final opportunity to determine definitely whether or not they are sufficiently congenial to achieve a successful marriage. Casual marriage is usually contracted between girls, especially those who feel they must not enslave themselves for a man but work to enrich her family. She finds a boy-friend, probably of the same village, and then procreates for her father hence they bear her fathers name. Most of the time it is by the parents consent that this is established. Elopement refers to an informal form of marriage. It is often done with a proposed wife. When another person has engaged a girl and she 46 feels her choice is not the best, she now finds another whom she loves best. In such a situation there is no way they can arrange and marry in a formal way. So the only way is by elopement. Marriage by Inheritance is never planned or arranged according to ones will. It occurs because of circumstances surrounding the couple. This is a situation whereby a person is engaged or married to a lady after her husbands death.

The family scene is increasingly becoming characterized by conflicts, which prompts counseling. When people are asked what they understand by the term conflict they often mention such words as war, fight, chaos, oppression, inequality, destruction,

misunderstanding. The list is endless. If one then ponders a little to look at a common term grouping these words together, one would observed that they are all negative words. Does it

mean that conflict is always negative? Ezinyi (2001) observes that conflict is a part of life and should be expressed, not repressed. She goes further to say expression of conflict offers opportunity to learn and improve our relationships with others. To express conflict means to begin to resolve it. In furtherance of this inextricable link between marriages, Gloser (1957), in Betiang (2002) believes that conflict makes a society more vital and responsive to the population and its attendant problems. Disagreements occur amongst individuals and groups resulting in changes that create room for change. Robertson (1977) affirms that such changes arising from conflicts prevent society from stagnation and also the Prince (Machiavelli) who asserts that violence is the only midwife for any society that is pregnant in change. For this conflict to be resolved, the opposing parties must show sufficient understanding and cooperation with each other and work together for a common goal (Ugabi et al 2005). Anyaliwhu (1997) sees conflict as a base for stabilization of friendship between people, especially in marriage and other interpersonal associations. Contending with this, Ezinyi (2001) points out that the Chinese people see conflict as an opportunity for change: if we go by this, it then presupposes that conflict on its own is neither negative nor positive. Rather, what determines the way a conflict goes is our own personal attitude and our background information about the conflict that normally dictates the way we manage it. People with negative connotations of conflict, manage conflict in a destructive way and the resultant effect is all negative words like the issue of Middle East conflict. Shertzer and Stone (1976) recognize two types of conflicts existing in marriage relationship as husband and wife interact. These are: (1) intrapersonal conflict (2) interpersonal conflict.

Intrapersonal Conflict is a type of conflict within the couples, which arises out of inability to make a satisfactory decision. Otuji (2000), in a marriage sermon, noted that some men, due to their false association with their wives, find it difficult to take a firm decision in the house for fear of the unknown. Such a man, he noted, has already built a false association with his wife and finds it difficult to say the hard truth, which would offend the wife when it is never his intention to do so. In the same vein, Obe (1999) observes that, even though it is good for spouses to respect each others view, it is still important to avoid any false

relationship because at the end of the day, the truth must be told and if the couples have not interacted transparently, conflict may arise.

Interpersonal Conflict is a conflict between or among people who have opposing views or orientations. Atsu (2002) explains that interpersonal conflict is that conflict generated either by the relations, friends and associates of spouses as they cohabit as a family or friends. Since conflicts could have a positive connotation, it is important to aspire to have a change in attitude, especially when conflicts arise. Ogunsaya (2001) observes that children, mother in-laws, father-in-laws or extended family relations, could generate conflicts and the most deadly could be conflicts from either friends of the husband or wife. Here, a friend of either of the spouses can blackmail one to another, and it can generate conflict. It could be to tell the male spouse that his wife was seen in another mans bed or her husband has housed another girl. Such a thing can generate conflict. One can say that even if the conflicts are generated from people one associates freely with, the watch word should be that conflicts are part of life and should be handled maturely for a positive change as spouses live in the same home.

Several factors are responsible for marital conflicts. Ezinyi (2001) identifies the factors as: (a) Cultural and ethnic norms that influence how roles are carried out within a given family system: A marriage can stand firmly or become very loose and consequently disintegrate as a result of the quality of the relationship that exist between the wife and her husbands relatives and vice versa. (b) Poor level of exposure of spouses: The academic and social exposure of couples can make or mar a marriage. When couples are not well exposed or enlightened enough, they are prone to conflicts, misunderstanding or misrepresentation of issues concerning their married life (c) Communication gap: the poor level of interaction between spouses makes it almost impossible for them to express their views freely. The fear of the unknown could envelop the marriage, leading to marital problems resulting from suspicion of the spouse. Turner (1970) is of the opinion that communication in marital relationship regulates the extent to which each persons interaction can yield his or her own objectives for the sake of another. (d) Influence of wrong models: Association with wrong models accounts for some problems in marriage. This has been affirmed by Satir (1967), where fears were expressed that wrong modeling could lead to crises and confusion in marriage.

(e) Infidelity: Inability of either of the couples to maintain the oath of marriage could result in ill feelings, thereby causing friction in a marriage (f) Infertility: One of the rationales for marriage, as posited by Mallum (1996), is

procreation. Once a marriage is contracted, the expectations by parents, friends and even the couples themselves is baby-making. If this is delayed due to some natural interference, these relations begin to murmur and thus mount pressure on the couples and the resultant effect could be conflict (h.) Early Marriage: When couples get involved in marriage early in life, there is bound to be that carry-over of youthful exuberance to marital issues. would be reduced if couples (1997) suggests that conflict

thoughtfully and honestly work out their philosophy of

marriage before it is consummated taking into account those things they expect in the marriage and see how they can reach an equilibrium with those inevitable areas they may necessarily come across. (i) Sexual Deprivation: The inability of the couples to meet their conjugal rights could cause a long lasting frigidity on their relationship, hence partners are legally bound to satisfy each other sexually. Atsu (1997) posits that couples are expected to express their emotional desire freely to avoid cheating on each other. Couples emotional satisfaction breeds a healthy and happy family interaction. (j) Conflict In Marital Role: Many couples find it difficult to adjust materially, socially and psychologically to some structural changes, which leaves one partner in an unfavorable situation. Bello (1998) observes that in Islamic faith, it is the duty of the man to provide for the woman all her needs even if she is a working class. But one would want to suggest that it should be out of the womans volition to assist in some way especially when she is working to reduce the mans stress and also to sustain his life span. (k) Finance: spouses should know any source of income, as suspicion may crop up. Bank accounts, and in whose name, can generate conflicts. Sources of expenditure whether extravagant or splendid should be made known for benefit of the doubt. High desire for new things if the resources are meager can become an issue, (Obe,1997; Undiyaundeye,2002). Among the educated elite, finance is one of the acute sources of conflicts and even

breakdown and divorce. A man may be generous, whereas the woman is stingy or vice versa. Out of the finance come childrens school fees and feeding. Lahaye (1977) points out that

some wives save their income and have a sense of supremacy economically over their husbands. Efforts to increase people's emotional freedom to operate more functionally in their contexts pay handsome dividends in marital therapy. People become better partners, lovers, and companions; they learn to recognize what they believe in, not just what they are against. Emotional freedom does not cure them of their character deficits, behavioral idiosyncrasies, or emotional or physical illnesses, but they become aware of and better able to accept their own assets and limitations as well as those of their marriage and of the multigenerational family system of which they are a part.

LITERATURE REVIEW: ARTICLE: 1

The IMC is an interaction technique which was developed to provide valid and reliable interaction data on decision-making processes and conflict resolution in couples. The IMC consists of 18 vignettes which present various types of marital conflicts that are generally relevant to couples. The IMC has several advantages compared to other marital interaction techniques and a new 29-category coding system has been developed to score the interaction material. The IMC also provides win scores and information on the relevancy of the material for each couple. Data has been collected from 1,000 couples married one and two years, with and without children. In addition to its possibilities as a research tool, the IMC also has potential as a diagnostic tool for marital therapy and as a means of evaluating process change resulting from treatment.

Bibliographic Information

Inventory of Marital Conflicts (IMC): An Experimental Interaction Procedure David H. Olson and Robert G. Ryder Journal of Marriage and Family Vol. 32, No. 3 (Aug., 1970) (pp. 443-448)

References

Bales, R. F. 1950 Interaction Process Analysis: A Method for the Study of Small Groups. Cambridge: Ad- dison-Wesley.

Bauman, G. and M. Roman 1966 "Interaction testing in the study of marital dominance." Family Process 5 (September): 230'-242.

Blood, Robert and Donald Wolfe 1960 Husbands and Wives. Glencoe: The Free Press.

Validity of Four Measures of Family Journal of Marriage and Family

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Article:2
In two studies, spouses generated and assessed rules for communicating in public and private marital conflicts. In Study 1, 16 married couples simulated, on videotape, two public and two private conflicts. Spouses reviewed the videotapes and generated rules that they felt they followed or broke. In Study 2, 194 married people (86 men and 108 women) rated how often they followed the rules, how important the rules were, and the extent to which the rules applied to different relationships and situations. Five factors emerged from the ratings on rule-following: consideration, rationality, specific self-expression, conflict resolution, and positivity. Further analyses indicated that the rationality rules were a more important consideration in public settings, while the conflict resolution factor was more important in private. Rationality rules were also more important to husbands than to wives but were seen by both as the least important to their marriages. All rules except positivity were rated as more applicable to conflicts than to other situations. Overall, this methodology produced rules that were specific to conflict situations in marriage and emphasized communicative behavior rather than more abstract aspects of the relationship.

Bibliographic Information

Spouses' Impressions of Rules for Communication in Public and Private Marital Conflicts

Elizabeth Jones and Cynthia Gallois Journal of Marriage and Family Vol. 51, No. 4 (Nov., 1989) (pp. 957-967) Page Count: 11

References

Altman, Irving, and D. A. Taylor. 1975. Social Penetra Penetra tion: The Development of Interpersonal Relation- ships. New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston.

Argyle, Michael, and A. Furnham. 1983. "Sources of satisfaction and conflict in longterm relationships." Journal of Marriage and the Family 45: 481-493.

Argyle, Michael, and M. Henderson. 1985. The Anat- omy of Relationships. London: Heinemann.

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Argyle, Michael, A. Furnham, and J. A. Graham. 1981. Social Situations. Cambridge, England: Cam- bridge University Press.

Argyle, Michael, M. Henderson, and A. Furnham. 1985. "The rules of social relationships." British Journal of Social Psychology 24: 125-139.

ARTICLE:3
The present investigation studied couples' resolution of existing marital issues. Videotapes of distressed and non distressed couples were coded by two groups of coders. One group categorized the content of messages, and the other group categorized the nonverbal delivery of messages by the speaker ("affect") and the nonverbal behaviors of the listener ("context"). An analysis of marital interaction was obtained from a study of content, affect, and context differences as well as from sequential analyses of the data. Findings show that this coding system made it possible to account for most of the variance in the classification of couples as distressed or non distressed. Specific findings provided tests of many currently untested hypotheses about good communication in marriages that have been the basis of clinical interventions. The hypotheses which were studied in the present investigation involve the function of meta communication, the expression of feelings, summarizing self versus other, feeling probes nonverbal behavior during message delivery, context differences, and positive and negative reciprocity Functions of messages were assessed by sequential

analysis procedures.

Bibliographic Information and References

JOHN GOTTMAN_ UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS HOWARD MARKNAN_ BOWLING GREEN STATE UNIVERSITY CLIFF NOTARUS_ CATHOLIC UNIVERSITY OF AMERICA PAGE COUNT: 1 (AUG 1977) Journal of Marriage and Family 1977 National Council on Family Relations

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ARTICLE:3
An emotional security hypothesis that builds on attachment theory is proposed to account for recent empirical findings on the impact of marital conflict on children and to provide directions for future research. Children's concerns about emotional security play a role in their regulation of emotional arousal and organization and in their motivation to respond in the face of marital conflict. Over time these response p processes and internalized representations of parental relations that develop have implications for children's long-term adjustment. Emotional security is seen as a product of past experiences with marital conflict and as a primary influence on future responding. The impact and interaction of other experiential histories within the family that affect children's emotional security are also examined, with a focus on parentchild relations. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2010 APA, all rights reserved)

Bibliographic information and Reference:

Database: PsycARTICLES [Journal Article] Marital conflict and child adjustment: An emotional security hypothesis. Davies, Patrick T.; Cummings, E. Mark Psychological Bulletin, Vol 116(3), Nov 1994, 387-411. doi: 10.1037/0033-2909.116.3.387 Journal of Marriage and Family

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CHAPTER: 2

METHODOLOGY

Objectives:
The purpose of this research work is geared at achieving the following: 1. to suggest remedies to resolve the causes of conflict situations in marital interaction and expectation. 2. to elaborate on the consequences of conflicts on the individual, family, marriage institution and the society at large. 3. to find out the effects of conflict management skills on marital stability in the study area. 4. to find out the influence of family members on the growth of the marriage institution.

Operational definition:
For the purpose of clarification and simplicity, certain terms in this work have been redefined in the context of the study. 1. Marriage: A union of man and woman as husband and wife after due consultation with parents and performance of the obligatory rights. 2. Marital conflicts: A strain in marriage interaction between a husband and a wife who are living together. 3. Marital Problem: A misunderstanding about issues that affect a couples relationship.

Sampling:
A systematic random sampling technique (probability sampling) was used to draw the results which comprises of 5 married females . Age range of sample is 25 to 35 years. The information was collected from residential areas.

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Tools: A semi structure questionnaire consisting of 20 questions was designed after focus group discussion and review of relevant research literature.

Research design: Our research design is qualitative.

Procedure: The research aim at findings the objectives of study for this purpose a questionnaire consisting of 20 questions was developed after focus group discussion and literature review. The data was collected from a sample of 5 married females and age limit from 25 to 35 years. After data collection the results were collected showing positive, negative, neutral attitudes and their respective effects. The basic theme of the study is to find the basic problem of martial conflicts and prevail a study according to problems.

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Chapter: 3 Analyze the result

Results

According to our interviews, the opinion of women were different according to situation. There are mix rate of love and arrange marriages, the problems were present in both situations. Some has joint family system and other live separately with their husband and children. Status, educational and behavioral changes plays a vital role in conflicts buildings. Husbands flaw in personality, annoying habit, irresponsibility, and different needs create problems in their lives. Desired life style by women is prevail a conflicts between them. There are lots of different problems in which women are suffer conflicts. Triangle of family is very common among couples. In laws, past relationships and other peoples which interfere in couples create many problems. There are many problems due to their children. Woman personality is assaulted by their in laws. In some situation they wanted to quite the relationship but they suffers due to our society and norms.

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Chapter: 4

Discussions:
We conduct research to find out marital conflict that ends up marriage relationship at divorce. In this report we conduct interview from five married females, belong from the different status, to find out the marital conflicts that prevails among two people because of different factors; in-laws, social status, and lack of understanding are the main reason of the conflict. We came to know through this research that in most of the cases women sacrifice and compromise to her relationship from separation. Males are secures to be more dominating even in the case of love marriage. Less compatibility among couple leads them to conflicts. Socio-cultural factors are another cause of marital conflict. Social cultural moves and values influence husband perception regarding her freedom and mobility, another important factor which exist in our society that sometime husband and wife have more compatibility and love but in-laws played a negative role by pushing one member to give power or other in family members . There are four articles in our literature review, they show the effects of martial conflicts on women as well their personality. Society consider that the woman is roots of all problems. The woman with children or without children both are suffers conflicts of different types. All study prevail that the there are some rules which are not fulfill by wives as well as husbands. third person play a very important role in couples conflicts. Study suggested that marital conflict influence the children personality development negatively and women are not responsible for this matter and these issues prevail in marriage due to husband negligence and socio-culture factors.

Conclusion:
By the above result we have concluded that woman is totally dependent and represent herself as disadvantage whose life is hold by Patriarchal institutions. After marriage woman is totally dependent on her husband and if severe martial conflicts exist among them then women more suffer rather than men. From this research we come to know that the main reason behind that martial conflicts is male dominancy. Male more concentrate on their power and dont pay attention to their wives which they deserved. Lack of understanding, age difference, social status and educational difference may affect married life. In laws are other big source of creating conflicts among couples. They support their son in negative way. So overall view is that woman is always subordinated by their husband and society as well.

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Limitations:
While conducting a research we face many hurdles to find out facts related to our objective. our research aimed to find out the facts about marital conflicts. The main problem was that our parents refused us to go outside for research. Then the access to Married women was another problem. People were reluctant to allow us to enter their home for interview. In some cases husbands didnt permit their wives to give interview. Some females were not giving the correct responses due to the presence of their in-laws so it was difficult to know the real facts about marital conflicts. Another reason was that Females consider it shameful to talk about their personal issues so they dont expose the issues which cause marital conflict among their relationship. They were afraid that this discussion will create aversive impact on their relation. We tried our best to resolve these issues. We gave them confidential right and assure them that the objective of this relation is not to create misunderstanding between their relation.

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Appendix
Questionnaire Name: Age: Area: City: 1. Are you married up to your will or your parents? 2. Do you have separate or joint family system? 3. Do you have status difference among your family and in laws? 4. To what extent status difference has effected your life? 5. To what extent your desired lifestyles have effected your married life? 6. Is your husband responsible? 7. What is your mutual approach towards spiritual beliefs? 8. What is the most annoying habit of your husband? 9. In your opinion what is the basic flaw in your husbands personality? 10. How do you feel about your husbands community? 11. Do your husband pay regards to your parents as he expects from you for his parents? 12. Do your husband appreciate your efforts for maintaining the household responsibilities very well? 13. Do you think your husband is able to cope up with your financial, emotional and physical needs? 14. Is there any difficulty for you to interact with your in laws and husband? 15. What are the basic issues that cause conflict in your marriage? 16. How far yours in laws played role in creating conflicts among you? 17. Do you feel like your personality is assaulted by your husband or his family? 18. How far the difference in education status effected your married life? 19. Do you think that issues of children leads your relation towards severe clash? 20. Have you ever come across the movement when you assume that it would be better to quite the relation?

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References

Baig Dr. M Afzal introduction to statistics, the caravan house, Lahore July 2003 www.google.com www.jstore.com www.firefox.com www.sfonic.com Amason.com Children and Marital conflict(by E. Mark Cummings PhD-Author, Patrick T. Davies-Author) Couples in conflicts(Penn State University Family Issues)by Alan Bootheditor, Ann C. Crouter-editor, Mari Clements-editor)