American Journal of Sexuality Education, 5:290299, 2010 Copyright Taylor & Francis Group, LLC ISSN: 1554-6128 print

t / 1554-6136 online DOI: 10.1080/15546128.2010.503865

LESSON PLAN Eight Spheres of Intimacy

JENNI SKYLER, PhD, MSEd and CAREY ROTH BAYER, EdD, RN, CSE
The Intimacy Institute for Sex and Relationship Therapy

Intimacy can be a complex subject. However, holistic and healthy intimacy exists in many forms and can be achieved not only with a romantic other but also with ones friends, family, professional colleagues, and self. As part of lifespan development, it is ideal to build a knowledge base and skill set to comprehend the multiple facets of intimacy. It is hypothesized that intimacy skills can also act as a protective factor for the primary prevention of dating violence, sexual violence, unintended pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, and sexually transmitted diseases. KEYWORDS Intimacy, intimacy skills, lifespan development, primary prevention

INTRODUCTION
Intimacy is a connection that generates a sense of bonding and closeness. It is an important concept that is often neglected in our fast-paced lives. Unfortunately, modern-day society tends to morph sex and sexuality into a hyper-sexualized context. As living beings, we are ideally intimate and connected to our family, our friends, our partners, ourselves, and our world around us. A variety of models exist for conceptualizing human sexuality on the whole, including the Circles of Sexuality (Dailey, 1981), The Sexual Health Model (Robinson et al., 2002), and the Healthy Sexuality Flower Map (Vancouver Coastal Health, 2003). Our model, however, conceptualizes human sexuality as it applies to intimacy. This model originated with sexologist Dr. Marilyn Volker through her work with women in alcohol recovery groups. She claims that the model was birthed when the women nally stopped acting out sexually and began to learn that other types of intimacy exist (M. Volker, personal communication, July 29, 2005).
Address correspondence to Jenni Skyler, PhD, MSEd, The Intimacy Institute for Sex and Relationship Therapy, 737 29th Street, Boulder, CO 80303. E-mail: DrJenni@ TheIntimacyInstitute.org 290

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This lesson expands upon Volkers model, helping teach college-age and adult learners a comprehensive and holistic understanding of intimacy. Presenting eight different spheres of intimacy allows for participants to expand their thinking on how intimacy can be developed and experienced in numerous areas of their lives. Cultivating a holistic conceptualization of intimacy can also help participants broaden their understanding of sex as an intimate endeavor. Before embarking on the lesson, the instructor is encouraged to read the introduction chapter in the Handbook of Intimacy and Closeness (Mashek & Aron, 2004) to garner a deeper understanding of the overall signicance of intimacy. This will create a foundation for the importance of parceling intimacy into eight spheres. Other additional recommended readings may include The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to your Mate (Chapman, 1995) and The Dance of Intimacy (Lerner, 1989). During the lesson, the instructor may want to emphasize that the overall importance of intimacy is to create a connection with oneself, another, and the world at large (i.e., family, friends, and community). Connections developed in these areas stimulate self-growth and the sense of identity as an individual and in relation to another.

GOALS
The goals of this lesson plan are to increase participants knowledge of holistic and healthy intimacy and to enable them to practice skills relating to experiencing holistic and healthy intimacy.

OBJECTIVES
As a result of this lesson, participants will be able to: 1. Name each of the eight spheres of intimacy. 2. Describe two examples of intimacy shared within each of the eight intimacy spheres. 3. Demonstrate an understanding of the various types of intimacy skills through short role play. 4. Evaluate each sphere of intimacy via a personal reection handout.1

TIMING
This lesson can take 90 minutes to two hours. Depending on the class size, the instructor may choose to set a specic amount of time for each role play scenario and lengthen or shorten the scenarios as time permits. Alternatively,

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this lesson can be divided over two days using the rst day for knowledge and skill building and the second day for processing and debrief. For youth in high school, this lesson can be abbreviated to 30 minutes without the use of handouts and divided over eight days. Incorporated into a semester-long, comprehensive sexuality curriculum, each sphere can be addressed individually on a separate day of the week.

RATIONALE
It is advantageous to understand and cultivate closeness in various manners with different people throughout life (Mashek & Aron, 2004). The authors emphasize that intimacy is intricately linked with love, satisfaction, sexuality, attachment, commitment, passion, relationship development, maintenance, and loss . . . (and that) relationships are central to human experience and thus have been discussed since the very earliest literary and scholarly work, dating from ancient Greek civilization (pp. 12). This lesson helps participants expand their denitions of holistic, healthy intimacy and practice putting that knowledge into action in a safe, nonthreatening way. In addition, research has suggested that teaching healthy sexuality as a primary prevention measure may decrease dating violence, sexual violence, unintended pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, and sexually transmitted diseases (Advocates for Youth, 2008; Department of Health and Human Services, 2007; Kelly & Kalichman, 1995; Kirby et al., 1994; Perry, 2005, 2006, 2008; U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Ofce of the Surgeon General, 2001; Robinson et al., 2002; The National Youth Violence Resource Center, 2007). We can hypothesize that cultivating greater knowledge and skills about healthy intimacy can also serve as a key protective factor.

INTENDED AUDIENCE(S)
This lesson is intended for college students and adult learners, making use of the handouts found in appendices 1 and 2. For youth in high school, this lesson can be abbreviated to 30 minutes and covered over multiple days.

MATERIALS NEEDED2
Newsprint Marker Tape (if the newsprint does not have an adhesive back) Handout: Eight Spheres of Intimacy Classication List (Appendix 1) Worksheet: Sharing Intimacy Self-Reection (Appendix 2) Table for the role play props

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Props for role plays, some suggestions include the following. We encourage you to be creative to help the participants think beyond stereotypes of intimacy: cell phone laptop computer Webcam deck of cards dice newspaper philosophy book, religious text scarf, tie massage cream, lotion piece of art yoga mat CD player and music owers or ower petals food or dishes/cups for imaginary food a box of tissues sports equipment (i.e. a football, soccer ball, Frisbee, and/or baseball glove)

PROCEDURES
1) Introduction: (10 minutes) a. Acknowledge the potentially sensitive nature of the intimacy topic and establish ground rules for sharing, condentiality, and maintaining a safe, non-threatening environment. Introduce the topic by explaining that you would like do an activity to explore different denitions and ideas of what intimacy means. 2) Brainstorming Intimacy Exercise: (10 minutes) a. Using newsprint and a marker, ask participants the following discussion question: What are the various ways to dene intimacy? b. Ask participants to verbalize their ideas for everyone to hear. c. Document the verbalized ideas on newsprint. d. Hang the newsprint on the walls for everyone to see and refer to throughout the lesson. i. (Note to instructor: You are looking for participants to offer words that embody different ways intimacy can be dened and experienced. No set denition is sought, except to ensure that participants include words such as closeness, connection, and bonding.)

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3) Handout Exercises: (10 minutes) a. Distribute the handout, Eight Spheres of Intimacy Classication List (Appendix 1). b. Select participants to read each bullet point aloud. c. Ask for any questions. Emphasize the differences between the spheres of intimacy as they relate to the overall importance of intimacy. 4) Debrief: (15 minutes) a. Ask participants how the worksheet questions felt to them. Allow participants opportunities to share their answers aloud. You can ask an open-ended question about what arose for them in the exercise, or you can use the questions below for structure and guidance. Were there any examples or memories that were surprising to you? Which spheres of intimacy did you nd most challenging? Why do you think some spheres are easier to identify and name examples? 5) Role Play Introduction: (10 minutes) a. Ask participants to review the Eight Spheres of Intimacy Classication List (Appendix 1). During this time, place the role play props on the table in preparation for the role playing. Clear an open space in the room where everyone can see. b. Explain to participants that they are going to put their knowledge into action through role playing. 6) Role Play: (2030 minutes) a. Ask participants to divide into pairs. For odd numbers, allow groups to work in threes. b. Review the eight spheres of intimacy and the props available for the role play activity. c. Explain that each group can talk for two to three minutes about what type of intimacy they plan to demonstrate and which props they would like to use. d. Ask for a group to volunteer a role play for 30 seconds to 3 minutes. e. If time is limited, preassign each group one or more different spheres of intimacy, depending on the size of class. Run through the role plays in alphabetical order, starting with aesthetic intimacy. f. Watch the time and ensure all pairs have an opportunity to practice the skills through role playing. g. Continue until all the spheres of intimacy are covered and everyone has an opportunity to practice. 7) Debrief: (1530 minutes) a. Distribute the worksheet: Sharing Intimacy Self-Reection (Appendix 2). (Eliminate this step for high school audiences.) i. Ask participants to spread out around the room to complete their individual worksheets. Explain that their answers are private and

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that they will have the option to share or pass during debrieng. If time and/or privacy are concerns, the worksheet can be completed as a homework assignment and discussed and processed the next day. b. Ask students how the role play felt to them and what kinds of challenges might be faced when developing relationships, both personally and professionally. Ask participants how these spheres of intimacy might be applied as a preventive factor when dealing with dating violence, sexual violence, unintended pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, and sexually transmitted diseases. 8) Evaluation: a. At the conclusion of debrieng, ensure the all participants can verbalize at least two examples of intimacy learned during this lesson. Observation of the role play scenarios and discussions will serve as your evaluation measure for the skill building part of the lesson plan. The debriengs after each exercise are also essential places for the instructor to evaluate acquisition of knowledge and skills. If this lesson is included as part of a larger class, evaluation test questions can be generated from the handout and worksheet included with this lesson plan.

COMMENTARY
This lesson plan has been successfully employed with adult learners in a train-the-trainer environment. However, we believe the lesson can easily be adapted to diverse audiences including high school youth, college students, and adult learners. Depending on the audience, you may want to adjust the props that you bring for the role play (i.e., use age-appropriate, developmentally appropriate props). We suggest that the instructor model an example of the role play expectations. Some groups of learners are timid with role playing. If you teach the lesson plan as it is written where skill-building practice is a requirement, then you will want to employ a dividing technique. If you adapt the lesson where skill-building practice is just recommended, then you can leave it open to people volunteering to role play. However, you will need to have a back-up plan if your participants are shy about volunteering. The Eight Spheres of Intimacy Classication List handout can be projected on a screen for quick reference during the planning and implementation of the role plays. In addition, the instructor can adapt the lesson depending on audience size, age, and time allotment. The handout for self-reection can be completed and debriefed in the same class session, or it can be given as homework for deeper, more private reection and discussed the next day. The self-reection sheet may be too advanced for high school audiences; however, the lesson can still incorporate the classication list and be spread

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over multiple days allowing for one sphere to be addressed per day. This slower style may help younger audiences better grasp the concepts. It is possible that this activity will bring up emotional challenges due to the nature of the self-reection. Processing during group debriefs is recommended, and participants should be referred to support systems should any deep-seated or traumatic issues regarding their personal relationships arise.

NOTES
1. For college-age and adult learners only. 2. Note to instructor: If the lesson is divided over time, you can ask participants to bring in items that symbolize each sphere of intimacy. Materials brought in will need to reect age-appropriate lifespan development. 3. These eight spheres can, and often, overlap. While they can also be experienced as mutually exclusive connections with different individuals at different times, it is common to have an experience or relationship that includes multiple spheres.

REFERENCES
Advocates for Youth. (2008). Components of peer-led sexual health programs. Retrieved May 7, 2009, from www.advocatesforyouth.org Chapman, G. (1995). The ve love languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate. Chicago: Northeld Publishing. Dailey, D. (1981). Sexual expression and aging. In F. Berghorn, D. Schafer, & Associates (Eds.), The dynamics of aging: Original essays on the processes and experiences of growing old (pp. 311330). Boulder, CO: Westview Press. Department of Health and Human Services. (2007). Review of comprehensive sex education curricula. Retrieved June 10, 2009, from http://www.acf.hhs.gov/ programs/fysb/content/abstinence/06122007-153424.PDF Kelly, J. A., & Kalichman, S. C. (1995). Increased attention to human sexuality can improve HIV-AIDS prevention efforts: Key research issues and directions. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 63(6), 907918. Kirby, D., Short, L., Collins, J., Rugg, J., Kolbe, L., Howard M., et al (1994). Schoolbased programs to reduce sexual risk behaviors: A review of effectiveness. Public Health Reports, 109(3), 339360. Lerner, H. (1989). The dance of intimacy. New York: Harper and Row Publishers. Mashek, D., & Aron, A. (2004). Handbook of closeness and intimacy. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc. Perry, B. (2005). Beyond consent: Healthy sexuality and sexual violence prevention (Part 1). Moving Upstream: Virginias Newsletter for the Primary Prevention of Sexual Violence, 1(5), 16. Perry, B. (2006). Beyond consent: Healthy sexuality and sexual violence prevention (Part 2). Moving Upstream: Virginias Newsletter for the Primary Prevention of Sexual Violence, 2(1), 16. Perry, B. (2008). Revisiting healthy sexuality & sexual violence prevention. Moving Upstream: Virginias Newsletter for the Primary Prevention of Sexual Violence, 4(1), 16.

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Robinson, B. E., Bockting, W. O., Simon Rosser, B. R., Miner, M., & Coleman, E. (2002). The sexual health model: Application of a sexological approach to HIV prevention. Health Education Research, 17(1), 4357. Skyler, J. (2009). Electronic intimacy: The marriage of intimacy and electronic technology (Doctoral dissertation, The American Academy of Clinical Sexologists, 2009). The National Youth Violence Resource Center. (2007). Risk and protective factors for youth violence: Fact sheet. Retrieved May 7, 2009, from www.safeyouth.org U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Ofce of the Surgeon General. (2001). The Surgeon Generals call to action to promote sexual health and responsible sexual behavior. Retrieved September 2, 2008, from http://www. surgeongeneral.gov/library/sexualhealth/call.htm Vancouver Coastal Health. (2003). Healthy sexuality mapping. Retrieved March 30, 2007, from http://teensexualhealth.vch.ca/training teens/HS healthy sexuality mapping.htm#ower

APPENDIX 1: HANDOUTEIGHT SPHERES OF INTIMACY CLASSIFICATION LIST3

Aesthetic intimacy refers to sharing something beautiful together. Ex: strolling through the botanical gardens, listening to a rock concert, visiting a wax museum, or watching a lightening storm. Affectional intimacy embodies sharing affection. Ex: holding hands; giving hugs, kisses, and/or kind compliments. Emotional intimacy includes sharing emotions verbally and/or nonverbally and allowing oneself to be vulnerable in anothers presence. Ex: discussing feelings and fears; crying in anothers presence. Intellectual intimacy is a cerebral connection, often a conversation on intellectual matters. Ex: an introspective discussion regarding politics, philosophy, religion, or education. Physical intimacy signies doing physical activities together. Ex: hiking, biking, dancing, playing tennis, or walking on the beach. Social intimacy denotes doing social activities together.

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Ex: seeing a movie, going to dinner, taking partnered dance lessons, or visiting with friends. Sexual intimacy consists of exploring and sharing sexuality together. Ex: foreplay, role play, talking about fantasies, nongenital sensual touching, mutual masturbation, and oral, vaginal, and/or anal intercourse. Spiritual intimacy entails sharing a spiritual or religious connection. Ex: attending church, mosque, synagogue or engaging in meditation.
Expanded Intimacy Map
Physical Spiritual Sexual

Intellectual

INTIMACY

Emotional

Social Affectional

Aesthetic

Copyright Skyler (2009); Volker (2005)

APPENDIX 2: WORKSHEETSHARING INTIMACY SELF-REFLECTION

Instructions: Reect and write down different examples of how each sphere of intimacy is expressed in your own life. If there is a person or persons that share this with you, list this as well. This exercise is for your reection only and will NOT be collected. Aesthetic intimacy I express this in the following manner: I share this with: Affectional intimacy I express this in the following manner: I share this with: Emotional intimacy I express this in the following manner: I share this with:

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Intellectual intimacy I express this in the following I share this with: Physical intimacy I express this in the following I share this with: Social intimacy I express this in the following I share this with: Sexual intimacy I express this in the following I share this with: Spiritual intimacy I express this in the following I share this with:

manner:

manner:

manner:

manner:

manner:

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