Courchaine 2 Matthew Courchaine Ms.

Girasole The Fourth Genre Honors Level 2 23 February 2012 The Hard Way I think its fair to say that most, if not all, people have experienced a sort of emotional turning point in his or her life. This event, for me, was something that I knew was inevitable, the pain from it unavoidable, and something I could only learn the hard way. One could assume that this turning point could be the death of a family member or a close friend, and yet this was not my situation. It was a death, however, one of a different kind of family member: a pet. I realize the number of people who own a pet, let alone several, is significantly lower than the number of those who dont. Therefore, the majority of people one meets do not know what it feels like to lose a pet. This means one does not have many people to go to when a tragedy such as this happens to them. As this animal is both a family member and a close friend, losing him or her would cause a great deal of emotional pain, maybe even mental trauma. I experienced this with my dog, Matches, and the emotional pain coming from his death instilled in me the belief that there are some things one can only learn the hard way. My family purchased Matches in 2003, when my mother, my brother, and I moved to Rhode Island. I remember going to the Rumford Pet Center, and wanting him the minute I saw him. Only four months old, he was just a puppy. From that moment on our family was able to create so many memories with him: when he was still a puppy we left to go to Mystic Aquarium for a day and when we got home we couldnt find him, and after a half hour of looking (which included going to almost every house on the street), we found him inside my mothers towel cabinet, he having managed to find a way inside and accidentally getting himself trapped.

Courchaine 2 In early 2005, my younger brother, Andrew, fell on him. This gave him a concussion, which necessitated a visit to the vet where Matches tried to pee on my foot in a moment of disorientation. In 2007 he bit me, and when I went to the nurses office at school the next day for a bandaid I accidentally let it slip that it was the result of a dog bite. This prompted the nurse to report Matches to Animal Control, leading to them to essentially put him under house arrest for two weeks. When I was in seventh grade we went for a walk with our other dog, Sealy. Matches followed us and became lost. One of our neighbors found him while she was driving home and drove him back to our house. I could go on forever telling stories about Matches, but that would require an entire book. Matches was an amazing dog, and had to have been the smartest I had ever owned. There were so many little things that he did to support this. For example, he was scratching at his empty food bowl one night and I must have said Matches, stop, theres nothing left! at least ten times. When I lifted up the food bowl, however, there was a single piece of kibble, Matches somehow knowing that. However, I knew he could not be with us forever, yet I never dared to think of this reality during my years with him. In June 2010, Matches began to show signs of a sickness: he yelped when we would pick him up; going to the bathroom caused him pain, and there was some blood; he was constantly fatigued. When my brother and I were at our fathers house in Massachusetts for the weekend, my mother and stepfather brought Matches to the vet. The problem was revealed: Matches had kidney stones. From then on Matches had to eat prescription dog food, he had to take a pill with every meal, among other things. As it progressed, the veterinarian informed my parents that surgery on the kidney stones would only make them

3 go away for a short period of time, and they would most likely come back worse than before. Thinking of what my family could do caused me an immense amount of stress. In early August, my parents made the decision that Matches would have to be put to sleep none of us wanted to prolong his suffering, even if that suffering would go away for very short periods of time. I was broken Matches was easily one of my best friends. On August 10th we brought him to the vet, in Seekonk. I remember the day vividly. At first neither my brother nor I wanted to go, as we were both very attached to him and couldnt bear to see it. Eventually, however, we both realized that not only did Matches need us to be there, but we needed to be there we would not be giving him the proper goodbye if we werent. I remember us stopping at the McDonalds in Seekonk, where we got a cheeseburger for Matches my brother and I each gave him half. I had a great deal of difficulty holding back my tears on the way to the vet. Upon arrival at the veterinary office I was close to full-on hyperventilation, and could barely contain myself as I passed through the crowded lobby. Though the day was easily becoming the worst of my life, it was nothing compared to the events that had yet to unfold. I still remember the moment the veterinary assistant gave Matches the first shot, the sedative. For a moment, he continued to stand, with my mother, my stepfather, my brother, and I crying as we held and comforted him. Then, all of sudden, he collapsed, his legs giving out as the sedative took effect. The assistant gave him a second shot, which I knew was the one. What really caused me to break down during those few minutes, however, was how Matches still had the energy to lick all of us first. After a minute he turned on his side, and with that, his eyes slowly closed. I can still hear the vet saying Im sorry hes gone. Needless to say, my entire family was sobbing at that

4 point, the loud, relentless kind. The vet offered us a box to carry him out in. We refused none of us wanted that. My mother carried him out in one of his blankets that we had brought with us. I left the building as fast as I possibly could, not wanting to the people in the lobby to see me crying. I was almost completely blinded by tears as I left the veterinary office, as well as on the way home. I had lost one of the best, smartest dogs I had ever owned, as well as one of my few best friends in life. I was heartbroken, and that day will live with me forever. That day marked the beginning of the first real period of depression in my life. It lasted for several months, until at least late January. I cried more during that period of my life than I had in all the years prior combined. I tried my hardest to keep it concealed at school, knowing a very small amount of people who owned pets and had experienced what I had the loss of one. I feel as though I came out of this depression a changed person. I had experienced true loss of someone very close to me, something that had never happened to me before. Reflecting on this day has made me realize several things, most prominently that the amount of people who cant identify with the loss of a pet is far greater than those who can. While the vet and her assistants showed sadness during the entire ordeal, I could never see a true empathetic link in any of their eyes. This observation was supplemented by a letter we received from them several weeks later, saying he obviously meant much more to you than we realized. While vague, the letter implied that it was something they say rarely, if at all. Given, its a depressing part of their job, but a part of their job nonetheless, and therefore they must be professional about it. In addition, I now see how sometimes the littlest things in life can change you forever. There will be times when you wish you could go back to how things used to be, but you just can't because things have changed so much.

5 I am ashamed to say that while I had had deaths in my family before Matches, my greatgrandmother and my great-aunt, I had never truly understood or felt the neither the cold loss nor the feeling of utter emptiness that accompanied the death of a loved one. But I now realize how happy I am that I was able to be with Matches in his final minutes I know in my heart he wanted me there. Simply put, it was a horrible, yet revealing, emotional turning point. I believe that there are some things in life that one can only learn the hard way, and these, unfortunately and depressingly, are inescapable and inevitable. However, Matches death, while enormously depressing, did have some positive effects on me. Most prominently, we adopted another dog, who we named Tidbit, from the pound in the September after. Tidbit was abused by his previous owners, and was picked up by the Cranston Animal Control after he either ran away or was abandoned. My mother visited the Cranston Pound and saw him, and wanted to get him. Two weeks later, Tidbit belonged to my family. When I look back, I am extremely happy that my family adopted Tidbit he apparently had been subject to more abuse than I had realized. I was taking him and Sealy for a walk one day, I raised my hand (I dont quite remember why), and Tidbit crouched down and closed his eyes, as if I was about to hit him. I then knew, though Matches being put to sleep was a horrible point in my life, that had Matches never developed the kidney stones, this innocent dog would have spent the rest of his life in a pound. Or, God forbid, his old family might find him and take him back, leading to more abuse. In addition, Matches passing left me with an ability to identify with people who had lost a loved one. I would happily help anyone I knew that lost a pet get through those difficult times. I cannot and could never say that Matches death was a good thing in my life. It left me heartbroken, and I feel as though adopting Tidbit was the only thing that shortened my

6 depression to only January. I can say, however, that his death left me with a fantastic, smart, and lovable dog named Tidbit, I still have Sealy (who seems to act more and more like Matches every day), and an ability to help people who have experienced such a loss. It could be said that Tidbit learned the hard way that not every family that purchases or adopts you will love you unconditionally. He was given a second chance to receive that love when we adopted him. Ironically, however, Tidbits learning the hard way went almost hand-in-hand with my learning the hard way, in that sense. There are some things that you can only learn the hard way. This I believe.