Emo Saved My Life: Challenging the mainstream discourse of

mental illness around My Chemical Romance

Rosemary Hill
Abstract This paper examines the role of mental illness in the discourse by and about My Chemical Romance fans in the context of the emo moral panic in 2008. I ask two questions: how were fans represented in the mainstream press; and how did the fans represent themselves at that time? Fans of My Chemical Romance are unusually vocal about their experiences of mental illness. The band was derided in America and the UK as leaders of a suicide cult with the fans their victims. This mainstream connection between music and mental illness is not new: researching the American heavy metal moral panic of the late 1980s, Gaines and Arnett found a disparity between the popular image of the metal fan as depressed by the music he listened to, and the reality of fans finding in the music solace from alienation and anger. What is new, is the gender of the fans - they are a female and feminised audience - and their angry response to the mainstream press. Building on Gaines and Arnetts work, I analyse readers letters to Kerrang! magazine during the late 2000s, data from interviews with fans, the film Emo: The Movie, and articles in the mainstream press. I argue that the mainstream press characterise My Chemical Romance fans as misguided innocents. I contend that My Chemical Romance fans discuss the music of the band as enabling them to cope with pre-existing depressions, to overcome bullying and even to save their lives. There is a clear disparity between the mainstream representation of My Chemical Romance fans and the words of the fans themselves. I conclude that My Chemical Romance fans willingness to discuss depression has been misinterpreted by their detractors, and I offer instead a positive story of the therapeutic benefits of emo music. Key Words: depression, emo, heavy metal, My Chemical Romance, self-harm, suicide ***** Introduction My Chemical Romance, depression and suicide. In much of the popular imagination these terms are not only linked, but causal: it is thought that the emo

band My Chemical Romance provoke depression in their fans which can sometimes lead to suicide. Yet for emo fans the narrative links between listening to the bands music, unhappy emotions and the action of ending ones life are complex and, indeed, are optimistic and life-giving. In this paper I focus on UK press reports of the suicide of Hannah Bond, a 13 year-old girl who was a fan of My Chemical Romance, and the responses of fans to the press reporting of the suicide. But first I want to offer some context to My Chemical Romance, to emo, and to the accompanying moral panic. Emo is a contested term among metal fans. It is a genre that grew out of hardcore punk, and emo is a contraction of emotional hardcore. Sarah F. Williams describes emotional hardcore bands, such as Dashboard Confessional and Thursday as attempt[ing ] to reconcile the long-established codes of masculinity - musical representations of aggression, pomp, stoicism, misogyny, and determination - with more multifaceted human expressions of heartache, weakness, longing and loss 1. Emos origin in hardcore means that it is not unreasonable to place it under the metal umbrella, but this place is not assured; nor is the current incarnation of emo even guaranteed to be allowed a relationship with earlier incarnations. Furthermore, bands and their fans do not always accept their popular categorisation as emo. Let me introduce My Chemical Romance: they are an American band that are frequently described as emo, and their fans as emos, but the band themselves have described emo as shit 2 and decried any similarities to the genre. In fact the band claim the heritage of Queen. However the ideals that Sarah F. Williams describes as being fundamental to emotional hardcore are clearly evident in the songs and image of My Chemical Romance. They attempt to break down the gendered binaries that have long been lived out by rock and metal bands 3, and incorporate qualities that have traditionally fallen on the feminine and undervalued side of the dichotomy. Whilst using emo to describe My Chemical Romance is therefore problematic, its frequent use by the media and fans themselves makes it a term that must be interacted with when discussing the band. The Daily Mail is a very popular British newspaper with a large female readership. At the time of the coroners report on Hanah Bonds death two and quarter million people were reading the paper. Its political allegiance is Conservative. Its reporting has been criticised as to be sensational, inaccurate and homophobic 4, but nevertheless its popularity means that its force for affecting public opinion needs be taken seriously. In 2006 The Daily Mail described fans of emo as follows:

The Emos - short for emotional - regard themselves as a cool, young sub-set of the Goths. [] Although the look is similar, the point of distinction, frightening for schools and parents, is a celebration of self harm5 There is a clear emphasis on the manifestation of mental ill health and fashion rather than love of the music. Within the 974 word article alarmist terms pepper the article like razor blade, appeared to be dead, coffin, mutilated, depressingly, dangerous teenage cult, scars on their wrists, as serious a problem as binge drinking, secret shame, inner despair, slit my throat, suicide notes, misery, morbid, horror films, Death Pop, bloodless, dark and airless, self-pity, what worries me, cult of suicide, horrible consequences, irresponsible, and frequently death or dead 6. Accompanying the words was a photograph of a young woman wearing a black wig and a sad expression. Although it seemed like a joke, some elements of the UK metal community took it seriously. For instance Kerrang!, a British weekly music magazine, have frequently featured My Chemical Romance on the cover of the magazine, and in 2006 awarded them the title of Best Band On The Planet7 , referred to the article as horrendous scaremongering 8, and later used it to contextualise the The Daily Mails reporting of Hannah Bonds death. Emo isnt seen as problem only in the UK. In the global context, in 2008 a bill progressing through the Russian parliament which would regulate emo and goth websites and ban emo fashions in schools was widely reported in the British press. The Russian Public Oversight Council believed that the genre promotes suicide and self-harm9. In America Time reported on anti-emo violence in Mexico. Groups of young men physically attacked those wearing emo fashions and Time reported that: the assailants target emos for dressing effeminately, still a provocative act for many in a macho Mexico, and argued that the violence was homophobic 10.In Saudi Arabia women emo fans were arrested for revealing emo fashions beneath their abayas 11, suggesting that emo fandom presented a problem for conservative ideas of womens place in society. In America tv news reports on the dangers of emo have been numerous. In one a member of the Eddy County Sherriffs department claimed that: theres no psychological problem in the young children, its just for the fashion. The more they cut, the more pills, the more they

talk about suicide, the cooler they are.12 The global press presentation of emo positions music fandom as dangerous, making a causal link between listening to emo and becoming depressed. The emo moral panic reached its Zenith in the UK in May 2008. On 22nd September 2007 a young My Chemical Romance fan, Hannah Bond from Kent, UK hung herself. The following May the coroner laid the blame at emos door: A girl aged 13 years has [] taken her own life for no reason that could be regarded by anyone as sensible or justified and if in doing so she was thinking about how this would go down with those others who were involved with the emo fad I just believe this a terrible tragic explanation for what happened.13 On 16th May The Daily Mail ran an article under the title Why no child is safe from the sinister cult of emo. The article echoed many of the sensationalist claims of the 2006 article as it gave the narrative of Hannahs metamorphosis from a well-liked girl who had many friends and was doing well in school 14to an emo going by the online pseudonym of Living Disaster, and cutting her wrists before eventually hanging herself with her school tie. The article also contained information on hospital admissions of children who had self-harmed (three times as many girls as boys), and an interview with the mother of an emo fan girl from a small town in a bleak highland area of England The mother seemed to be extremely frightened for her daughters life. The article used language like sect, cult, deeply unhealthy undertone, and described emo as the cause of teen angst rather than a symptom. Following the coroners inculpation of emo, the author, Tom Rawstorne, blamed one band in particular for Hannahs death: My Chemical Romance. The most controversial claim in the article was that the Black Parade is where emos believe they go after they die 15 as if it is some sort of emo Valhalla, but in fact Welcome To The Black Parade is the name of the bands 2006 album. The Black Parade claim was hotly disputed by a number of fans writing to Kerrang!16 and in them The Daily Mail came in for much abuse. However the claim had been made in an article in British tabloid The Sun on 8th May and in an updated article in The Daily Mail on 9th May. The original report by The Daily Mail on 7th May suggests that the black parade/Valhalla myth may have its origins in some sort of research, reporting that

a tribute on Hannahs Bebo page had referred to the lyrics of [Hannahs] favourite song: Ill hold on to these memories till we meet again in the black parade17. Quoting lyrics and stating a belief can be quite different things and it is a clear distortion by The Sun and The Daily Mail to attribute this belief to all fans of emo music. This was not the first time that metal had encountered a moral panic: in the 1980s US right wing conservative criticisms of the dangers of allowing young people to listen to metal were widely reported inside and outside the USA. Criticisms centred around the effects that metal had on its listeners and, leaders of the charge, the Parents Music Resource Center, achieved a senate hearing on the subject of metal lyrics. This hearing was successful in that the now famous Parental Advisory stickers began to appear on album covers; but not so successful as the stickers became a badge of honour and helped to sell records18. Donna Gaines opens her book Teenage Wasteland with the mass suicide of four American teenagers in Bergenfield in 1987. They had been listening to AC/DC as they sat in a car in a disused garage waiting for exhaust fumes to put them out of their misery. This was part of what was perceived as a wider trend of teen suicide. The media furore around the suicides focused on the kids love of metal and, in some cases, made a causal link between the deaths and the music 19. This relationship between metal and suicide was to become even more famous when Judas Priest were sued for persuading two fans to commit suicide by placing backmasked messages in their music. The court decided in favour of the band, but that the case got so far is indicative of the depth and prevalence of the belief in the dangers of metal 20. Both panics assume the listeners to be young and nave. Music is a scapegoat which allows adults to express their fears and anger, but does not address the real causes of adolescent unhappiness: there is no further investigation as to what may be causing self-harming and depression amongst teenagers. Nor do they attempt to explore why fans would be attracted to such music if it causes depression and instigates suicidal tendencies. Research by Jeffrey Arnett and Donna Gaines shows that metal does not in fact make its fans feel bad. In his interviews with male fans in the 1990s Arnett concluded that far from making fans feel unhappy, listening to metal helped its male fans to cope with feelings of powerlessness, frustration and anger. Angry metal music helped to dissipate the rage21. Similarly Gaines theorised that structural problems in the schooling, socialisation and normalisation of Americas young people, combined with the lack of job prospects in the particular town in which the

suicides occurred, caused strong feelings of alienation and despair amongst the towns youth22. Do My Chemical Romance fans use the music to help them deal with emotions in a similar way? Gaines ethnographic work and Arnetts interviews were conducted almost completely amongst or with young white American men. However the focus of the 2008 moral panic was on a young white British woman; the American television news reports featured interviews with young women, mostly white; and the fans response to the panic came predominantly from white British women. Gender is the difference: these fans are predominantly female. Girls and boys are socialised differently and the conditions of their teenage lives are somewhat dissimilar [REF]. Gaines and Arnetts findings that young men use metal to cope with anger, suggests that we could similarly explore My Chemical Romance fans reasons for listening to the band in the context of their reported self-harming and discussions of suicide. We need to listen to what the young women have to say about their reasons for listening to My Chemical Romance. 3. The response of My Chemical Romance fans To return to the controversial 16th May 2008 The Daily Mail article, Rawstorne quoted self-confessed emo girl Levi Harrison: I do get teased for being an emo because some people at school think its just about suicide and self-harm. But I think you have to be depressed already to self-harm - and Im not depressed. I like going out in emo clothes because it causes a stir. There arent many emos where I live, so people look at you. It makes you feel individual23 Jennina Taylor-Wells reflected: I was going through an unhappy period at school. [] I grew up in the wealthy area of Cheshunt, Hertfordshire, and I was surrounded by spoilt rich kids. I felt being an emo gave me a defined individuality24 Both girls highlight their problematic relationships with their peers: for Levi bullying comes as a result of her emo identity; for Jennina feelings of difference and frustration with her peer group were fundamental in seeking an

emo identity. For both girls their emo identities allow them to stand as distinct from their peers: neither connect the genre to mental ill health. In the published letters to the editor My Chemical Romance fans response to the Mail article was ferocious: What a load of bollocks! 25 they obviously havent done their research 26 when the hell are these tabloid papers going to realise they know NOTHING?!27 More measured responses such as Adeles have they actually listened to Famous Last Words - Im not afraid to keep on living?28, show that many fans are not afflicted by depression and self-harm at all: I listen to the music I do because I love it, it makes me happy and I feel a connection 29, or reiterate Levis feelings that music is not to blame, as Benny does: Its really stupid that The Daily Mail is saying Hannah killed herself because of MCR. People kill themselves because of their problems 30 Bennys words are echoed by many fans on the letters pages and in the two Kerrang! articles about the reporting of Hannahs death. That My Chemical Romance had become a scapegoat for a generations misery only perpetuates and entrenches feelings of frustration amongst teenage fans as they continue to be misunderstood and silenced. Whilst some fans expressly do not suffer from mental ill health, some older letters to Kerrang! suggest that some My Chemical Romance fans use the band as a form of self-medicating music therapy: If anything, I think that emo music can stop teens from committing suicide and doing things they are going to regret. Feeling someone elses pain can help you get over your own. You understand that lots of other like-minded people know what youre going through and that youre not alone in feeling down31

and Becca in Norwich gives a personal perspective: Thank you so much Kerrang!. Youve opened up my eyes to good music, which has changed my life. It has helped me through so much, like bullying and depression. I became more confident in myself, and the fuckers who made my life a misery saw that, and the bullying gradually became less and less serious. [] And you know what? One of those bands who helped me through this are MCR. They had been through so much as a band, and they pulled through it all. Their lyrics have such hope, they hold one important message, to keep going, whatever it takes.32 My interviews with fans of the band corroborate these letters: fans discussed how the band had helped them overcome unhappiness, fight despair brought on by bullying, and in one case helped them to come to terms with a debilitating long-term illness. What I have found is that some My Chemical Romance fans find solace in the music when faced with unhappiness. Rather than emo being a fashion that pushes them towards feelings of desperation, into selfharming, to commit suicide, it can help fans to survive mental ill health. This is not the case for all fans of My Chemical Romance, but fans do agree that unhappy emotions may be present before they begin to listen to My Chemical Romance: none claim that the band cause them. To conclude, I argue that the mainstream press still characterise metal fans - in my case of My Chemical Romance fans - as victims and misguided innocents, while fans themselves still have a different story to tell. I contend that My Chemical Romance fans view the group's music as enabling them to cope with pre-existing depressions, to overcome bullying and even to save their lives. My Chemical Romance fan's willingness to discuss depression and other mental health issues has been misinterpreted by their detractors, and I offer instead a positive story of the therapeutic benefits of emo music.

S F Williams, A Walking Open Wound: Emo Rock and the Crisis of Masculinity in America in F Jarman-Ivens (ed), Oh Boy! Masculinities and Popular Music, Routledge, New York, 2007, p.146. 2 Way quoted in B Sowerby, My Chemical Romance talks to The Campus in The Maine Campus, 20 September 2007, accessed 19th August 2010, <http://mainecampus.com/2007/09/20/my-chemical-romance-talks-to-the-campus/ >. 3 M Schippers, Rockin' Out of the Box: Gender Maneuvering in Alternative Hard Rock, Rutgers University Press, New Brunswick, 2002, pp. 24-28. 4 R Booth, Daily Mail column on Stephen Gately death provokes record complaints in The Guardian, 16 October 2009, accessed 6th November 2010, < http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2009/oct/16/stephen-gately-boyzone>. 5 S Sands, EMO Cult Warning for Parents. The Daily Mail. 16 August 2006. 6 S Sands, EMO Cult Warning for Parents. The Daily Mail. 16 August 2006. 7 Kerrang. Best Band On The Planet in Kerrang!, 24 August 2006, accessed 6th November 2010, <http://kerrang.typepad.com/kerrang_awards_2006_blog/2006/08/best_band_on_th.html>. 8 (Kerrang! 2008, 7) 9 Kerrang, Emo and goth to be made illegal in Russia, in Kerrang! 23 July 2008, accessed 27th September 2010 <http://www.kerrang.com/blog/2008/07/emo_and_goth_to_be_made_illega.html>. 10 I Grillo, Mexicos Emo-Bashing Problem, in Time 27 July 2008, accessed 27th September 2010, <http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1725839,00.html>. 11 Breitbart, Saudi emo girls busted by religious cops: report in Breitbart 22 May 2008, accessed 27th September 2010, <http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=CNG.818e03363d37aed733b8e1d6484580c4.8f1&show_article=1> 12 Brandon Maygra quoted on WDAZ8 News report posted on YouTube.com by jarrettm 23 February 2007 under the title I Must Be Emo - News Report, accessed 23rd September 2010, <www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ri6ySOHoDfk>. 13 Roger Sykes quoted in A Levy, Girl, 13, hangs herself after becoming obsessed with Emo suicide cult rock band in The Daily Mail. 7th May. 14 T Rawstorne, Why no child is safe from the sinister cult of emo, in Mail Online, 16 May 2008, accessed 8th July 2008, <http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-566481/Why-child-safe-sinister-cult-emo.html>. 15 T Rawstorne, Why no child is safe from the sinister cult of emo, in Mail Online, 16 May 2008, accessed 8th July 2008, <http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-566481/Why-child-safe-sinister-cult-emo.html>. 16 (Kerrang! letters to the editor 24th May 2008) 17 A Levy, Girl, 13, hangs herself after becoming obsessed with Emo suicide cult rock band in The Daily Mail. 7th May. 18 S Jones, Ban(ned) in the USA: Popular Music and Censorship. Journal of Communication Inquiry 15, no. 1, Winter 1991, p. 78. 19 D Gaines,Teenage Wasteland: Suburbia's Dead End Kids. With A New Afterword, The University of Chicago Press, Chicago, 1998, pp. 237-261. 20 D Weinstein, Deena, Heavy Metal: The Music and its Culture, Da Capo Press, New York, 2000 (orig. pub. 1991), p. 2546. 21 J Arnett, Adolescents and Heavy Metal Music: From the Mouths of Metal Heads. Youth and Society 23, no. 1, September 1991, pp. 76-98. 22 D Gaines,Teenage Wasteland: Suburbia's Dead End Kids. With A New Afterword, The University of Chicago Press, Chicago, 1998, pp. 237-261. 23 Levi Harrison quoted in T Rawstorne, Why no child is safe from the sinister cult of emo, in Mail Online, 16 May 2008, accessed 8th July 2008, <http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-566481/Why-child-safe-sinister-cult-emo.html>. 24 Jennina Taylor-Wells quoted in T Rawstorne, Why no child is safe from the sinister cult of emo, in Mail Online, 16 May 2008, accessed 8th July 2008, <http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-566481/Why-child-safe-sinister-cultemo.html>. 25 (Anonymous, via text 2008, 4) 26 (Rebecca, Grimsby, via email 2008, 4) 27 (Alex Richardson-Lee, via MySpace 2008, 4) 28 Rebecca quoted in E Johnston To call us a suicide cult is an insult!, in Kerrang! 1214, 14th June 2008. 29 Abi quoted in quoted in E Johnston To call us a suicide cult is an insult!, in Kerrang! 1214, 14th June 2008. 30 Benny quoted in E Johnston To call us a suicide cult is an insult!, in Kerrang! 1214, 14th June 2008. 31 (Jodie, Stamford 2007, 4) 32 (Becca in Norwich, via MySpace 2007, 4) Bibliography Arnett, Jeffrey. 1991. Adolescents and Heavy Metal Music: From the Mouths of Metal Heads. In Youth and Society 23, no. 1 (September): 76-98. Robert Booth. 2009. Daily Mail column on Stephen Gately death provokes record complaints. guardian.co.uk,

Friday 16 October 2009 Breitbart. 2008. Saudi emo girls busted by religious cops: report. Breitbart 22/05/2008. http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=CNG.818e03363d37aed733b8e1d6484580c4.8f1&show_article=1 (accessed 27th September 2010). Gaines, Donna. 1998. Teenage Wasteland: Suburbia's Dead End Kids. With A New Afterword. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press. Grillo, Ioan. 2008. Mexicos Emo-Bashing Problem. Time 27/07/2008. http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1725839,00.html (accessed 27th September 2010). Johnston. Emma. 2008. To call us a suicide cult is an insult! Kerrang! 1214. 14th June. Kerrang. Best Band On The Planet in Kerrang!, 24 August 2006, accessed 6th November 2010, <http://kerrang.typepad.com/kerrang_awards_2006_blog/2006/08/best_band_on_th.html>. Kerrang.com. 2008. Emo and goth to be made illegal in Russia. Kerrang! 23/07/2008. http://www.kerrang.com/blog/2008/07/emo_and_goth_to_be_made_illega.html (accessed 27th September 2010). Levy, Andrew. 2008. Girl, 13, hangs herself after becoming obsessed with Emo suicide cult rock band. The Daily Mail. 7th May. Rawstorne, Tom. 2008. Why no child is safe from the sinister cult of emo. Mail Online. 16 May 2008. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-566481/Why-child-safe-sinister-cult-emo.html (accessed 8th July 2008). Sands, Sarah. 2006. EMO Cult Warning for Parents. The Daily Mail. August 16. Schippers, Mimi. 2002 Sowerby, Brett. 2007. My Chemical Romance talks to The Campus. The Maine Campus 20/09/2007. http://mainecampus.com/2007/09/20/my-chemical-romance-talks-to-the-campus/ (accessed 19th August 2010). WDAZ8 News. n.d. I Must Be Emo - News Report. YouTube.com posted by jarrettm 23/02/2007. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ri6ySOHoDfk (accessed 23rd September 2010). Weinstein, Deena. 2000. Heavy Metal: The Music and its Culture. New York: Da Capo Press. (Orig. pub. 1991). Williams, Sarah F. 2007 xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Bibliography of Letters (by first name) Alex Richardson-Lee, via MySpace. 2008. Letter to the editor. Kerrang! 1211. 24th May. Anonymous, via text. 2008. Letter to the editor. Kerrang! 1211. 24th May. Becca In Norwich, via MySpace. 2007. Letter to the editor. Kerrang! 1164. 23rd June. Jodie, Stamford. 2007. 2008. Letter to the editor. Kerrang! 1165. 30th June. Rebecca, Grimsby, via email. 2008. Letter to the editor. Kerrang! 1211. 24th May. Rosemary Hill is a Ph.D. student in the Centre for Womens Studies at the University of York, UK. Her research focuses on the representation and experiences in the metal community of female readers of Kerrang! magazine.