Monday, June 20, 2011 On Filipino Close Family Ties

Among the outlandish cultural values that Filipinos pride themselves of is their so-called close family ties. As a child, I was taught that Filipinos are unique because they care for their family and kin at a level of closeness that is rarely observed or practiced in other cultures or races. (Asians and Hispanics in general are closely-knit.) It is a cultural tradition that is valued and evidenced by our fondness for family reunions during secular and religious holidays such as Christmas, New Years Eve parties, All Saints Day, Holy Week, fiestas, homecomings, birthdays, weddings, graduations, baptisms, house blessings, wakes, funerals and almost every conceivable excuse to celebrate and feast. (Shared among former Hispanic colonies.) We consider the farthest degrees of our kinship as extended family and take pride and value that relationship as something useful for getting favors, grants and advantage. Having an influential, powerful and wealthy ninong (godfather) or ninang (godmother) in your baptism and wedding is enough insurance and security card to get you along the myriad, complex, tumultuous and predatory Philippine society. How much more having a first degree kin in the corridors of power? It is a very important and high stakes value that political dynasties exist and thrive in this country. Having a huge clan is also an advantage in winning an election or having an upper hand in employing vendettas in a violent clan war against another. At a very young age, Filipino children are trained to be loyal to their parents and elders by blindly obeying their authority and the conditions they impose within the family. They are taught that family and kinship is the foundation of their existence and purpose in life. The hackneyed adage blood is thicker than water is a familiar mantraa spell that resonates throughout your life in making moral decisions that often tear you apart between your personal interest and happiness against the collective; between your own decision and your familys decision; between your morality and THEIR morality. The INDIVIDUAL belongs to the COLLECTIVEa virtual slave, a conformist, an investment, a chattel.

The handful few who find the bravery and courage to defy this tradition are disowned, outcast, rejectedstripped of entitlement, birthright, love and respect. They are often vilified as ingrates, black sheeps, traitors and an embarrassment to the herd. Imagine your own parents and siblings calling you praning (crazy), weirdo, abnormal and other insolent pejoratives for thinking and acting different from them; for disagreeing and telling them they are wrong? They used to pamper and spoil you as a child, providing and spending for you lavishly, sending you to exclusive schools because they expect you to obey their plans for youto live the life and career they want for you so you could repay them back twofold if not a hundred times the cost and money they had invested in you. Kids in this country are raised not because they are loved by their parents but rather because they are seen as farm hands, as investments, as passports, as tools for success, wealth, power and honor for the family. Young Filipinos today take careers that promise a high-paying salary because its the wish of their parents. The sooner they finish school, the sooner they leave the country and work abroad so they can support their family back home. They are lifelines, granaries for support to parents, siblings and even relatives; successors to political dynasties that bleed and suck our country dry. To add absurdity and hilarity, they back this up by going to their vending wishing machines they call churches to desperately supplicate for more and justify their mooching not to mention that this very mode of thinking is encouraged and sanctioned by the priesthood who claim infallible authority over the minds of their flockthat women are nothing but baby factories and properties of their husbandsthat an attempt to control pregnancy is an abominable sin against a cosmic dictator who ordered the massacre of babies in the name of land grabbing, conceit and narcissism. For centuries, this cruelty has never been so effectively perpetrated by these cretinous men whose sole vocation is to subjugate man for other menlecherous diseased beings who betray human nature. I grew up under the mano system (the Spaniards call this besar las manos or the kissing of the hands)the touching of the elder persons backhand to ones forehead as a gesture of respect. This gesture was appropriated from the practice of

kissing the signet ring of the pope by his subordinates and brought by the Spanish friars in the colony to infuse their power over their indio subjects. So it evolved into a Filipino custom where the act is considered not just a gesture of respect but also a submission to the authority of ones parents and elders. There was always an instance where I got a fair share of beating from my parents and from my maternal grandparents whenever I failed or forgot to perform the ritual specially when there were visiting relatives and kin whom I havent even met. I was told that it was a way to show respect to family and kin and a display of good breeding and how well my elders were training me. Later on, I realized that it was pointless and latched on false respect; that the ritual has done more damage and continued to turn Filipinos into meek and submissive gofers and sycophants. Today, Filipino kids perform this ridiculous practice to extort money instead from their godparents or visiting relatives. Even parents coax them: O, bless kay ninong, kay tito at tita, so these people would give money to their kids! Never once in your lifetime as a Filipino that you have never been expected to give a blowout or balato (handout)I consider it alms in the appropriate sense of the wordto family and relatives whenever you have accomplished something like being promoted, winning in a competition, graduating with honors or simply hitting the lottery or casino! Those who avoid or refuse to fall into this customary mugging are despised and labeled as kuripot (penny-pincher) or madamot (miser). Try lending money to a relative and expect not to be paid because they assume you wont mind because youre close and related. If youre a homecoming balikbayan or OFW on vacation, expect that your relatives are waiting for you to bring them pasalubong or gifts. Hence, the invention of the BALIKBAYAN BOX. Not contented, some would still demand for money or treat them to out-of-town excursions. Imagine struggling all your life trying to prove to your familyyour parents speciallythat you are a good son or daughter. You turned your back from the things you love or dream to do because you want to please them and be accepted as a good child or sibling. There were times when your parents themselves drive a wedge

between you and your siblings because they shower more affection and love on them as a reward for their selfless loyalty. Its terrible to feel being relegated in the back burner because you are not sacrificing enough of yourself. It is a distorted morality wherein individualism is shunned and labeled as selfishthat the word selfish itself has been morally evaluated as evil. In this culture, self-determination is wrong because religion played a large part in reinforcing this conceptthat self-sacrifice for the common good is the highest value; that crucifying one innocent man relieves the rest of humanity of its crimes and guilt; that vicarious redemption is the sole accepted means of salvation from eternal damnation handed down by a cosmic dictatorship. Christianity has only reinforced the parasitic culture of the Filipino to pass off his responsibility and salvation on another individual or deity for that matter instead of taking hold of his actions and work for self-determination. The dependence on this cultural value is itself a betrayal of free will. The Filipinos obsession to please his family and relatives in order to be called good and generous is the culprit in the endless cycle of parasitism and dependence on the opinions of othersbreeding a social and political culture where success is dependent on how efficient one could please and at the same time control and enslave the collective in exchange for acceptance, raw power and wealth. It is ironic that despite this deeply ingrained tradition of close family ties among Filipino families, most still end up stabbing each others backs when they fail to benefit from those whom they depend on. They self-destructfighting over common real estate properties or inheritance from parents or positions of power and influence in the corporate and political ladder. The Filipinos concept of close family ties gave rise to a tradition not really meant to evoke affection between family members but rather to take advantage and leech on those who are successful; to mooch from those who labor and think; to ride on and claim pride from the accomplishments of others because they are your kin or a kababayan. It is a product of mediocrity, laziness, lack of self-respect and a failure to become independent self-determinist