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Chapter
17
Corporate Etiquette
The world was my oyster but I used the wrong fork. Oscar Wilde, Writer and Poet
Etiquette is one of the most misunderstood words in the In This Chapter English language. Most people, when asked what etiquette means to them, reply, Manners, Politeness, Thank- Etiquette at the Court of Versailles: The Origin You notes, Rules, etc. Over the years, in thousands of Etiquette Fosters Relationships interviews, Emily Post was repeatedly asked what etiquette Dining Etiquette meant to her. Here is how she defined the term: Drinking Etiquette: Tea, Coffee, and Cock Whenever two people come together and their behavior affects tails one another, you have etiquette. Etiquette is not some rigid code Disability Etiquette Golf ProprieTEES of manners, it is simply how persons lives touch one another. Emily Post understood that etiquette is not about rules; etiquette is about building relationships, plain and simple. Etiquette gives us clues as to how we should act and what we should do in any given situation, so that we can be as successful as possible in our interactions with the people around us. Far from stifling your personality in a straightjacket of dos and donts, etiquetteby giving you the confidence to handle a wide variety of situations with ease and aplombactually lets you focus on being your own, relaxed self: the real you (Post, Post and Post, 2005). In this chapter, we will be looking at the finer points of etiquette with respect to: (a) dining etiquette, (b) drinking etiquettetea, coffee, and cocktail,
Etiquette requires us to admire the human race Mark Twain, American writer and humorist.
(c) disability etiquette, and (d) golfing etiquette. However, before we move on, let us take a look at the historical origin of etiquette.
17.1
By the etiquette of war, it is permitted to none below the rank of newspaper correspondent to dictate to the general in the fieldMark Twain, American writer and humorist.
Etymologically, we owe the origin of the word, Etiquette to the French, where the word stands for ticket. In a lot of ways, etiquette is your ticket to the society. In fact, etiquette in the French courts was a series of punctilious ceremonies initiated during the era of Francis I and reached a whole new level of painstaking perfection during the reign of King Louis XIV. It became the epitome of politeness and taste for the whole of Europe. Louis XIV hated Paris, preferring to stay at the Palace of Versailles. It was here that the court etiquette reached its crescendo under the close watch of Louis the Great, commonly referred to as the Sun King. The nobility were to conscientiously follow every rule of the laid-down court etiquette. In fact, every word and every gesture was regulated by strict and unbending rules of the court. Every garment worn, and every act of life, was regulated by the requisitions of the code ceremonial. An infringement of the laws of etiquette was deemed a far greater crime than the most serious violation of the laws of morality (Abbott, 1849). As is evident, strict etiquette was maintained, in all their behavior, by the king and his nobility. According to The Eclectic Magazine of Foreign Literature, Science and Art:Volume 45 (1858), the science of etiquette of which Louis XIV had laid the solid foundation has been thriving there ever since and may be considered now to have attained the highest pitch of perfectionthat stands unequalled for the strictness, the accuracy, the pedantry with which even the most minute prescriptions of etiquette are unrelentingly observed, and that is declared as the very model of order and regularity in all the various departments of its household. The slightest infringement of the inexorable laws of etiquette is considered there a crime whereof no absolution can clear the unhappy offender. From there, etiquette slowly evolved and spread to the rest of the world. And with globalization, the need for etiquette has reached its summit for us too. More than ever, we are doing business and interacting with the West. Hence, etiquette has taken center-stage as part of good business acumen. At such a time, it becomes imperative that we don our best hats and put our best foot forward (of course, it would not hurt if the hat was Coco Chanels and the foot was placed in Louis Vuitton shoes). As for France, their etiquette lore still stands aground and the French are still etiquettely driven, with their lives revolving around the Four Fs: Food, Fashion, Fragrance, and Frivolity.
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17.2
When Louis XIV practiced court etiquette, it had a strategic purposeto control nobility. Today, of course, while we are not looking to control our friends and colleagues, corporate etiquette still serves an important strategic purposeto foster relationships. A person who has good manners is perceived favorably by his/her business associates and he/she is the much-sought-after partner. In fact, etiquette has become so ingrained in our society that we invariably feel embarrassed in the company of the etiquettely challenged. For example, imagine you are at a five-star hotel along with a colleague, meeting important clients from London.You are courteous and charming, and the business dinner is going well. Just when you think you have the clients under your spell, your colleague loudly clears his throat (sending pictures of thick phlegm to your mind and possibly your clients) and picks up an innocuous-looking tooth-pick to pick on his teeth while you watch in horror. So, how does that make you feel? Am I safe in assuming that you will not be taking this colleague out in public again (let alone when entertaining foreign clients)? We like people who know how to mind their manners and be polite. We gravitate toward such people, even when it is not a conscious choice.
By the etiquette of war, it is permitted to none below the rank of newspaper correspondent to dictate to the general in the fieldMark Twain, American writer and humorist.
17.3
Dining Etiquette
Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essentialWill Cuppy, American humorist and literary critic.
Well, let us face itWorking like a dog may get you promoted; however, eating like a pig will not. In fact, it has long been established that good table manners play a big role when it comes to swaying the clients decision in your favor. This is so because good table manners symbolize thoughtfulness and attention to detail.
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In fact, if you think about itif you have good table manners, your bosses will trust you enough to entertain the clients and take them out to lunch or dinner. These opportunities go a long way in moving you up the corporate ladder. In fact, if you look closely, you will notice that the top brass of a company invariably has better table manners than the lower-rung staff. Hence, if you wish to be the crme de la crme of your organization, pay attention to your table manners and ensure that dinner does not become a stomach-turning experience. In this section, we will look at the following: From dawn to dusk: courtesies around the clock The hors doeuvres: starting with the starters Cutting it close: the formal table setting Courtesies Cutting it with cutlery At the table Chop up your chopstick skills Buffet etiquette: Not The Last Supper Table manners @ India: without the table
When it comes to dining etiquette, there are certain norms with regard to what time of day you are eating with the client/colleague, i.e., whether it is the morning breakfast, or noon brunch, or afternoon lunch, or evening tea/coffee, or night-time dinner.
The Business Breakfast The breakfast meeting has a lot of advantage, especially for the time-crunched business executive. The average workday is getting longer and most executives now choose to start the day earlier to meet the growing demands of the modern workplace. However, it is important to remember that breakfast means different things in different countries (sometimes even in the same country). In fact, one of my dear friends narrated an interesting experience. My friend, Vikram Mall, grew up on a tea plantation, and the breakfast at his house comprised primarily breads, eggs and bacon, juices, muffins, toast, and marmalade. He once visited his aunt and uncles home in Bareilly and for breakfast, he and his sister were served parathas (with a side dish comprising pickles and curd). He and his sister were dumb-founded and exchanged confused looks with each other. He finally
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turned to his sister and whispered, I think aunty thinks its afternoon. With this, he and his sister started laughing.The aunt heard them laughing wildly and came in to check. When they told her that they only had parathas at lunch/ dinner (never at breakfast), she looked from one to the other and nonchalantly remarked, Eat up. The above example is, of course, in a family setting; so the aunt had nothing to worry about, but it just goes on to show that when you are arranging a breakfast meeting, it is a good idea to research your clients culture and what they eat for breakfast. For example, if you are arranging breakfast for Chinese clients, the breakfast can include seafood, beef or chicken congee, rice porridge, dim sums, and the famous Chinese tea. The breakfast meeting helps keeping the meeting short and focused. It is also ideal because people tend to be at their sharpest best early in the morning. The breakfast meeting is arranged at a locale, which is convenient for both the host and the guest, including the hosts office.
My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wreckedWinston Churchill, British orator and Prime Minister during World War II.
The Business Brunch A brunch is the combination of breakfast and lunch and the term itself is a portmanteau of breakfast and lunch. It is usually held between 11:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m.The menu is more elaborate than the breakfast, for it also incorporates lunch. While brunch is a fairly common phenomenon in the United States, it is slowly gaining a lot of popularity in our country as well. Brunch is usually a good idea when the meetings are being scheduled over the weekends (especially Sundays). This is primarily intended so that your client or colleague can sneak in extra hours of snooze. According to Beringer and Beringer (1895), by eliminating the need to get up early on Sunday, brunch would make life brighter for Saturday-night carousers. He further continues to say that a brunch is cheerful, sociable, and inciting. It is talk-compelling. It puts you in a good temper, it makes you satisfied with yourself and your fellow beings, and it sweeps away the worries and cobwebs of the week. As is evident, brunch meetings are fairly relaxed and informal. Therefore, you must never push on the business agenda. To strike a business deal during a brunch meeting, the agenda has to be snuck in-between light conversation. For example, Mercedes Benz Club of America organizes a monthly brunch, where members and other prospective members, join in to discuss club goals, activities, and projects. The Business Lunch In fact, the power lunch has been around for a long time.These lunch meetings are usually arranged between 12:00 p.m. and 2:00 p.m. They are seen as
When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful and a snootful at the same time?Gerald R. Ford, 40th American president.
opportunities, where you can cultivate contacts and discuss high-level business matters. The venue again must be convenient for both the host and the guest. Once again, you must keep in mind the food habits of your guest. So, if your guest is a pure vegetarian (a Marwari businessman perhaps), even if you take him to the fanciest and the most expensive sea food restaurants, it will not get you the coveted deal. However, paying attention to his food habits and taking him to an authentic pure vegetarian Rajasthani caf, will. As for the duration of the business lunch, usually it is an hour or two. However, as everyone has to rush back to work, remember to keep it short (if you are the one who has called the lunch meet). If you are the guest and have to leave early, you must inform the host before ordering for lunch (and offer your regrets), so your host can accordingly space out the agenda. Not to mention, it is the polite thing to do. Also, remember that such excuses have to be genuine. That is the basic foundation of business etiquette.
Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisisa good hot cup of coffeeAlexander King, Vienna-born writer and humorist.
Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, Jesus! This cup is expensive!Conan OBrien, American talk show host.
Cut out those intimate little dinners for twounless theres someone with you Joey Adams, American actor.
The Business Tea/Coffee Then, of course, is the business meeting over a cup of tea or coffee. Such meetings are quite common in the business world and usually are held around 3:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. A meeting over tea/coffee is less expensive and less time consuming than an average meeting over lunch. Not to mention, it is also more relaxed than the lunch meet. However, it also depends on the location of the meeting and the choice of the beverage. So, a five-star hotel/resort would be quieter than your average coffee joints. In fact, if you notice, tea joints are usually quieter than the coffee houses (the caffeine probably is to be blamed).Therefore, paying attention to your guests predispositions will come in handy when picking out a venue. For example, while the English and Chinese love their tea, the South Indian or the Arab clients swear by their coffee. Therefore, accordingly decide whether to set up the meeting over a fancy cup of tea or over a mug of steaming coffee. It is also important to note that such meetings work wonderfully when the host and guest are of different gender. In fact, during an interview, actress Lara Dutta (who is engaged to the tennis pro Mahesh Bhupathi) revealed that Mahesh sent her a text message and wanted to meet her for dinner. She, of course, did not think it was such a good idea and insisted on meeting over a cup of coffee (to keep things formal). Hence, pay attention to the sensibility of your guest when inviting them for a meeting. Asking a client (of the opposite gender) for dinner may send them an entirely different message, which may or may not have been intended.
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The Business Dinner We finally come to the business dinner. These meetings are more formal and last longer as people do not have to rush back to work. However, there is a catch! You should extend a dinner invitation to someone only if you know them well. Furthermore, you must have a good reason to be meeting them after 6:00 p.m. Ideally, do not extend a dinner invitation when the guest is of the opposite sex (unless it is a group invitation). For example, inviting a female colleague or business associate for dinner may not be such a good idea. The Lara DuttaMahesh Bhupathi scenario is a good case in point. The invitation is often perceived less business, with the female colleague perceiving it as an overture. However, if there are several people invited for a dinner party, inviting female colleagues is not perceived as out of order. Dinner parties are fairly common in the case when someone new is joining the team or to bid farewell to a long-term employee, etc. However, remember that business dinners (whether it comprises two or twenty guests) are not the ideal place to discuss business. Such meetings are intended to build camaraderie, and that should be your focus as well.
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All human history attests that happiness for man the hungry sinner! Since Eve ate apples, much depends on dinnerLord Byron, English romantic poet.
It is very vulgar to talk about ones business. Only people like stockbrokers do that, and then merely at dinner partiesOscar Wilde, Irish poet, novelist and dramatist.
Hors doeuvres: A ham sandwich cut into forty piecesJack Benny, American radio and television entertainer.
Hors doeuvres have always [held] a pathetic interest for me; they remind me of ones childhood that one goes through wondering what the next course is going to be likeand during the rest of the menu one wishes one had eaten more of the hors doeuvresH. H. Munro, Burman-born English novelist.
you cannot find a receptacle to discard your toothpick (and other items such as napkins, drink stirrers, etc.), hold on until you find a waste-basket. Never look for a hiding place to quietly tuck away the used tooth-pick.
The oldest form of theater is the dinner table. Its got five or six people, new show every night, same players. Good ensemble; the people have worked together a lotMichael J. Fox, American actor.
Everything on the table must be geometrically spaced: the centerpiece in the actual center, the places at equal distances, and all utensils balanced; beyond this one rule, you may set your table as you choose (Post, 2007). Next comes the setting of the places. The distance between places at the table must never be so short that guests have no elbow room, and that the servants cannot pass the dishes properly; when the dining-room chairs are very high backed and are placed so close as to be almost touching, it is impossible for them not to risk spilling something over someone. On the other hand, to place people a yard or more apart so that the conversation has to be shouted into the din made by everyone elses shouting, is equally trying. If the chairs have narrow and low backs, people can sit much closer together, especially at a small round table, the curve of which leaves a spreading wedge of space between the chairs at the back even if the seats touch at the front corners. But on the long straight sides of a rectangular table in a very largeand impressivedining-room, there should be at least a foot of space between the chairs (Post, 2007). Now we will discuss the place-setting, as given in Exhibit 17.1.
Exhibit 17.1
(a) Service Plate: Also referred to as a charger or a place plate, the service plate is slightly larger than a dinner plate, approximately 10 to 11 inches. It is
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(b) (c)
(d)
(e)
mainly intended for decoration and serves as the underplate for appetizers and soup. Butter Plate: The butter plate contains the butter and is placed above the forks at the left of the place setting. Dinner Fork: The dinner fork is the largest of the fork and is placed toward the left of the plate. Other forks may go toward its right or left, depending on when they are to be used during the course of the menu. Fish Fork: If fish is being served, the fish fork (smaller than the dinner fork) is placed farthest to the left of the dinner fork because it will be the first fork to be used. Salad Fork: If the salad will be served after the entre, the salad fork is placed toward the right of the dinner fork (closest to the plate). However, the placement of the forks will depend on which course is being served first. So if the salad is being served first and the fish is being served second; the position of the forks will change to (right to left) salad fork, fish fork, and dinner fork. Dinner Knife: The dinner knife is the largest of all the knives and is placed to the right of the dinner plate. Fish Knife: The specially shaped fish knife is placed to the right of the dinner knife. Salad Knife: While no salad knife is shown in Exhibit 17.1, if it were to be used, it will be placed to the left of the dinner knife, next to the dinner plate. However, like the earlier example, if the salad is being served first and the fish second, the knives will be arranged (from left to right) as dinner knife, fish knife, and salad knife. Soup Spoon or Fruit Spoon: The spoons for soup or fruit should be placed to the right of the knives. Oyster Fork: The oyster fork is placed to the right of the spoons and is the only fork that ever placed to the right of the plate. Butter Knife: The butter knife or the butter spreader is placed diagonally across the butter plate, with the handle on the right and the blade down. Glasses: The glasses have to be arranged above the knife to the right of the place setting. The size and alignment of the glasses will give you clues on the number of wine courses. (i) Water Goblet: The water goblet is placed first, directly above the knives. The wine glasses are placed large to small. (ii) Champagne Flute: Though the champagne flute is not shown in Exhibit 17.1, when it is used, it is placed behind and to the right of the water goblet.
You dont sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles Anonymous.
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouthAmbrose Bierce, American writer and journalist.
Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with itverse from the Bible, 15:17.
(iii) Red Wine: Red wine glasses are larger, with a fuller bowl.This allows the red wine to breathe as it has more contact with the air. The red wine glass is behind the white wine glass. (iv) White Wine: White wine glasses are smaller than the red wine glasses. This helps keep the wine chilled. A larger surface area would cause the wine to warm up more quickly. (v) Sherry Glass: The sherry glass is placed above the soup spoon. (m) Napkin: The napkin is placed atop the service plate or in the space for the plate.
Plate Up! China producers have not agreed on measurement and standardization of plate sizes, giving rise to much confusion. The various trade sizes are often used to designate the same-size plate; so, in the following list, measurements, in inches, are from rim to rim. Service plate (also called a cover plate, place plate, or lay plate): 10 to 11 inches, placed at each cover. Dinner plate (roast plate): 10 inches, but seen as large as 10 inches. Entre plate: 8 to 9 inches, used for serving salad, fish, the entre, and the dessert when the finger bowl is brought in with the dessert silver. Dessert plate: 7 to 8 inches, used for desserts, salads, and as the cake plate at teas. Bread-and-butter plate: 6 to 6 inches, used for all occasions except formal dinners, may be used for tea service to hold sandwiches, muffins, cakes, and cups of tea. Soup plate: 8 to 8 inches at rim, for the usual type of soup plate with the wide, flat rim. There is also a bowl soup plate, or coup soup, which has no rim.
Source: Berolzheimer, R. (1988), Culinary Arts Institute Encyclopedic Cookbook, Penguin.
Nothing spoils lunch any quicker than a rogue meatball rampaging through your spaghettiJim Davis, American actor.
However, remember that (a) the table-setting (i.e., the cutlery to be used) depends on the menu and the cutlery has to be used from the outside in, (b) the knives are always placed with their blades toward the plate, (c) at any one time, only three pieces of cutlery are placed on the table. However, if more than three courses are to be served before the dessert, the respective cutlery is brought out with the food; similarly, the salad knife and fork can be brought in when the salad is being served, and (d) dessert spoons and forks are brought in on the dessert plate just before the dessert is served. When it comes to handling the cutlery, there are primarily two styles: the American style and the European style (also known as the Continental style). Remember, the basic style of cutting the food is the same in both styles: (a) the food to be cut must be placed right in front of you and not at the sides, (b) the knife is to be held in your right hand, with the index finger on the handle
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(or a little on the blade if necessary), (c) the fork is to held in your left hand, with the tines facing down, and (d) you must cut the food using a slow, backand-forth motion to cut one (or two) bites at a time.
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The difference: In the Continental style, the knife and the fork remain in the right and left hands respectively throughout the meal. In the American style, however, you cut your food (in the same style as the continental style), then lay the knife at the top of the plate with the blade inward, and switch the fork to your right hand. As for the fork, you hold it with your thumb over the end and with the tines pointing upward.You then pick up the food with the tines or by slipping the food onto the tines. The continental style is also referred to as the American zigzag style and is practiced over in America and Canada.
Courtesies
Well, it is an honor to be invited to someones celebration. Therefore, regard it as such and adhere to basic courtesies when you receive these invitations. So, whenever you are invited for a luncheon/dinner, you must send in an early answer (either to affirm your presence or to regret your absence). Also, it is important that once you accept an invitation, you must consider it as binding as a promissory note. If an RSVP says Regrets Only, you have to call in your hosts only if you cannot make it to the event. If there is no RSVP, you are not compelled to respond; however, that is still the polite thing to do. While your presence may not be missed at a cocktail party owing to the gathering of the crowd, it will be sorely missed during a dinner affair. This is so because dinner is often planned on a per-head basis and the seating arrangements are carefully worked out. Therefore, in case an invited guest misses the dinner,
Our latest moment is always our supreme moment. Five minutes delay in dinner now is more important than a great sorrow ten years goneSamuel Butler, English novelist.
the empty seats stand out and can damp the spirits of the host and hostess. Do remember that it is imperative that you are on time, especially in the case of a luncheon or dinner meet so you do not keep the other guests waiting. When you arrive, look straight ahead toward the hostess and the host and pay your courtesies to them before turning to anyone else.
The FRIENDS Corner: For Courtesies Sake! [Season 9, Episode 5] It is Phoebes birthday party. However, she and Joey are sitting all alone and the four friends are late by more than an hour. Even when they finally arrive, they are distracted. Rachel, while proposing a toast to Phoebe remarks that Emma has dropped a sock and leaves the toast unfinished all of which finally results in Phoebes outburst. Phoebe: (getting up) Oh, for gods sake, (shouting) Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! (everybody stares) Im sorry, was that rude? Di-did my, my li-little outburst blunt the hideousness that is this evening? Look, I know, you all have a lot going on, but all I wanted to do was have dinner with my friends on my birthday. And you are all so late and you didnt even have the courtesy to call. (her phone rings) Well, its too late now. Ross: Well, I dont think thats us.
Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you useEmily Post, renowned social etiquette expert.
If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forksBrendan Behan, Irish poet, novelist and playwright.
Its Cutlery: Not a Weapon and Not a Toy Do not hold your fork like a cello or your knife like Lady Macbeths dagger. Also, do not wave your cutlery triumphantly in the air to emphasize a point and do not put silverware partly on the table and partly on the plate. After you pick up a piece of cutlery, it should never touch the table again. Knives go on the plate, blade facing in and touching the inside of the plate. Only the handle should rest on the rim of the plate (Mitchell and Corr, 2000). The American Zigzag Style In the American zigzag style, at the close of the meal, the fork and knife must be placed side by side (in the 10:20 oclock position) with the knife blade facing inward and the fork close with the tines facing upward. The server, therefore, knows that you are done with the meal and it is ok to clear the plates away to bring in the next course. If you are not done with the meal and simply want
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, theyd starve to deathSam Snead, American Golfer.
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to rest, place the cutlery in the same position but the knife and fork must be spaced apart.
The Continental/European Style In the Continental or the European style, you can rest your wrist on the edge of the table while maneuvering your cutlery. To indicate the rest position, you must place the fork and knife in a crossed position on the plate, with the fork on top with its tines down. The finished position, however, is similar to the American style (read above point) but the tines of the fork faces downward.
Dont dig your grave with your knife and forkEnglish proverb.
At the Table
Once you are at the venue, first comes the seating. If you are the guest, allow the host to direct you to your seat. If, however, you are the host, you have to show everyone to their seat and take a commanding position at the table.When it is a rectangular table, this seat is usually at the head of the table. If the table is of a different shape, you must sit in a centrally located seat, which will ensure that you can see everyone (including the entrance to the room). When there are ladies in the group, you must let them take a seat prior to the men taking take their seats. In todays day and age, there is no need for you to pull out the ladys chair (unless of course, you know that your women companion will appreciate the chivalry or else you are out on a date and want to impress her).
At a dinner party one should eat wisely but not too well, and talk well but not too wiselyWilliam Somerset Maugham, English writer and novelist.
Purses and Briefcases Well, unless it is part of the meal, everything stays off the table. This includes your purses, briefcases, gloves, sunglasses, keys, and cigarette packs. Therefore, keep the sundry items away from view and under the table.Take due care to keep the purses/ briefcases in such a way that they do not come in way of the serving waiters. The Napkin At informal meals, you can put your napkin on your lap when you sit down. However, at a formal meal, wait for the host/hostess to put the napkin on their lap; then follow suit. The napkin should be on your lap until you are ready to leave the table. If, however, you have to momentarily leave the table, leave the napkin on your chair. At the end of the meal, you must leave the napkin loosely folded to the left of your plate. If, of course, the plate has already been removed, you may leave the napkin in the center of the place setting. Of course, be careful when dealing with a pristine white napkin. Some foods (including fruits desserts) can leave a stain. Also, the napkin must be used only to dab at the corners of the mouth and not to blow your nose or wipe off your lipstick.
The Fingerbowls You may be given fingerbowls either just before the dessert or between courses. The finger bowl contains warm water and a lemon wedge (in some fancy restaurants, you may also find flower petals in the bowl). Gently dip your fingers, swish them around, and wipe with the napkin. However, pay attention to your host/hostess to see what he/she does with the napkin. If he retains the napkin, you must retain it too. Else, casually fold it and put it on the rim of the finger bowl. Mind Your Hands The hands, during a meal, are only supposed to hold two things: the fork and knife. Do not play with your hair or the furniture. And NEVER EVER play with the cutlery. Of course, during a formal meal, the elbows must be off the table. However, the rule may be relaxed when making conversation. Mind Your Sleeves Well, long-flowing sleeves are more than just a fashion statement.They are gravy disasters, waiting to happen. So, keep track of your long sleeves and ensure they do not get into anything or sweep something off the table.
Remember, your comfort and ease means more to the host than a broken wine glass.
Awkward Moments at The Table If you accidentally knock something off (or break a wine glass), simply express regret and blame your own awkwardness, but even then, do not make too much fuss about it. Avoid Extremes Some persons, at a dinner, are so engrossed by the good eatables that they do not care about conversation; others are so occupied with talking, they forget to eat; the first annoys the company, and the latter your host/hostess, so it is better to avoid both extremes. Hence, keep pace with the other members in the group. Eat at the same pace and engage in conversations when addressed by the group members. Unsure Foods If you ever encounter a situation in which you are served unfamiliar or difficult food and you are not sure what to do with it, you should wait to see how your host/hostess deals with the food and then follow his/her cue. Remember, always take a few bites to please the hosts.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custardSpike Milligan, Indian humorist and actor.
2. Do Not Whine: No matter what you do, whining or complaining is completely out of the question. Do not complain about how much time it is taking, do not ask the people in the front to hurry up, or do not complain about the food and other arrangements. 3. Use Serving Spoon: Remember, it is a buffet and guests have to serve themselves from the same food containers. Therefore, do not use your finger or soiled spoon to take food onto your plate. Use the serving spoons accompanying the dishes to help yourself to the food. Also, do not mix the serving spoons of different dishes. 4. Never Eat in Queue: Even if you are growing impatient or pangs of hunger are gnawing at your stomach wall, never eat from your plate while you are waiting in the buffet line. 5. Use Different Plates: Well, here is another important piece of advice Do not pile up all food onto a single plate. Use different plates for different foods, like you would do in the case of different courses. This will also ensure that the one plate does not begin to look like the Mount Foodilicious.
I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. Youd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to itStephen Wright, American actor and writer.
6. Use the Magic Words: Yes! Even though it is a buffet, it is absolutely essential that you use Thank you and Please. Be polite to the other people in the group and the serving staff. 7. No Food to Go: Whatever you do, NEVER ever ask for a to-go food container. 8. No staring at the Guests: Well, in a buffet, it is possible that you may see someone stocking their plate like they would never see food again. However, even if you encounter such individuals, it is not polite to stare at them or anyone else for that matter. 9. Think Twice About Second Helpings: As a general rule, never go for a second helping unless the host/hostess absolutely insists on it. 10. Keep the Traffic Moving: If you are the host/hostess, ensure that there is enough space for the buffet queue to keep moving. If you are the guest, do not stop too long (either to take a call or to talk to someone) and keep the traffic moving smoothly.
But when the time comes that a man has had his dinner, then the true man comes to the surface Mark Twain, American writer and humorist.
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In Your Hands Indians relish their meal and often, this means eating food using ones hands. After all, that is the only way to feel the texture of the food, along with its taste. In fact, many consider it a liberating way of eating because you do not have to pay the slightest attention to what the French taught the world. In fact, if anything, it is the exact oppositeYou are allowed to touch the food with your fingers, lick your fingers (symbolic of the foods great taste), or even make slurping sounds. Right Hand Only Eating with your left hand is not only considered distasteful but can seriously offend your host/hostess because the left hand is considered unclean. So, if you are a left-hander, sit on your left hand (even if that is what it takes) to ensure that the left hand does not creep into action. Do remember that even rotis or chappatis (a form of Indian bread) have to be cut using only your right hand. The technique is to hold the roti down with your index finger and use the thumb and the other three fingers to tear off a bite. Left Hand Only Once you have begun eating, you can only use your right hand to touch your own plate. You CANNOT use your soiled hand (i.e., the right hand) to serve yourself. So, if you wish to take second helpings, use the clean left hand. Even when passing food dishes around, do so with your clean left hand. These are the only times when the left hand is used. However, even when passing food dishes, ensure that your left hand does not come in contact with the food in the containers. Fingers and Palms While eating with your hands is a given in the Indian culture, there is a slight difference in how much of your hand can you use within the country. If you are dining in a North Indian home, you are only allowed to use your fingers to touch your food. However, in South India, you are allowed to get your palm into the action as well. Hence, pay attention to the host/hostess and how they handle their food. This will serve as your cue on how to handle your food. Glass of Your Left
Unlike the Western place setting, the glass is not placed on the right in India. It is placed on your left so you may use your clean hand to hold the water goblet. Therefore, NEVER touch the water glass using your right hand.
I hate a man who swallows it [his food] affecting not to know what he is eating. I suspect his taste in higher mattersCharles Lamb, English writer and poet.
Do not pile your plate with food. Most hosts/hostesses do not expect you to taste every dish. However, whatever is there on your plate must be finished. Wasting food in India is considered disrespectful to not only the host/hostess but also to the food. (Remember: wasting food is disrespectful to the Goddess Annapurna.) Therefore, do not ask for second helping unless you first finish whatever is there on your plate and remember to finish off the second helping.
Respect is Paramount
Indian society is very traditional, and respecting the elders is an important aspect of the culture. So, even if you are the guest, the hosts/hostess elders have to be paid greater respect than yourself. Therefore, wait till the elders take their place and only begin eating once the elders start. Also, it is important that you use courtesy phrases such as please and thank you when addressing your host(ess).
Are we sure it is desirable for a mans spirit not to be at war with itself, or that it is better to be serene and ready to go to dinner than be excited and unwilling to stop for a cup of coffee, even?William Saroyan, American writer.
17.4
Apart from food, beverages also have their own set of proprieties. In this section, we will first look at tea etiquette, followed by coffee etiquette, and finally etiquettes pertaining to alcoholic beverages.
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Matrons, who toss the cup and see. The grounds of fate in grounds of teaAlexander Pope, English poet.
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teapot. At last, let the tea brew for three to seven minutes (depending on the desired strength). (More on strength is discussed in the subsequent point.) The Teapot and Tea Cozy: Use a ceramic teapot for brewing tea. A metal teapot can affect the taste and will cool the water down more quickly.You can also invest in a tea cozy, which will keep the contents of your teapot warm so you can enjoy a second and a third helping of your tea. Tea Strength: Here is something that will surprise youthe first cup of tea is always the weakest. The flavor and taste (of tea) becomes stronger with every subsequent serving. However, when we are serving guests, we invariably offer the first cup to the most important guest. Now, does it not make you wonder why we insist on serving the weakest cup of tea to the most important guest? Where several cups of tea are to be served, pour a little tea into each cup and then go back inverting the pouring order as you fill the cups up. This will ensure that every cup of tea has consistent strength. Serving Tea: There are two ways to serve tea to your guests. It can be either a formal sit-down affair or a casual buffet style. In the formal sitdown, each guest will be served a cup of tea. In buffet style, however, each guest has to serve himself/herself. For a sit-down affair, the table is formally set up with dessert fork, knife, and teaspoon. The dessert plate is set in place of the service plate with the saucer and teacup on top. For the relaxed (yet refined) buffet style, you need a buffet table with the tea service (selection of tea, a bowl of lemon wedges, sugar, cream, honey, etc.), cups, saucers, spoons, dessert items (such as cookies, pastries, scones, muffins, finger sandwiches, etc.), dessert fork/knife (if needed), and napkins. Discarding the Teabag: If you are served tea in a teacup, simply place the teabag on the saucer. If, however, you have been served in a mug (at an informal setting), you can place the teabag on the dessert plate. If the dessert plate is missing, you may either request the waiter to bring you a plate or you can simply place the teabag in the bowl of the spoon. Cutlery and Its Clatter: No matter whether you are having a formal sit-down or a buffet, it is important that the cutlery convey class and panache.Therefore, invest in the finest china and sterling silver cutlery. And needless to say, handle the cutlery with care and do not make clattering sounds when using them (as the guest). If you are the host/hostess, handle the cutlery with delicacy and neatness. For instance, do not let the cream run down from the lips (of the cream pitcher) when pouring cream into the cup.
We can survive functional illiteracy or shattered windows of vulnerability, but not the demise of The Decent Cup of TeaAnonymous.
The privileges of the sidetable included the small prerogatives of sitting next to the toast, and taking two cups of tea to other peoples oneCharles Dickens, legendary English novelist of the Victorian era.
There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a nice cup of teaBernardPaul Heroux, 19th century philosopher.
* Lemon, Milk, Sugar, and Spice: Milk and sugar are good with most black teas, and so is lemon. However, milk and lemon are not to be used together, as the lemon will curdle the milk. As a general rule, remember the more delicate the tea, the less desirable it is to add anything that will overpower the teas flavor and taste. Honey too is often added to tea, but its flavor is stronger than the nonintrusive sugar. Therefore, strongflavored honey can drown the delicate flavors of the tea. Spices, like honey, too drown out the flavor but can be used (now and then) for a different flavor. * Pay Attention to Your Guests Tastes: Your guests will feel important if you remember how different people like their tea. For example, for someone who is a tea purist, do not serve them tea with spices or anything that will spoil the taste for your guest. Similarly, try and remember how each of your guests takes their tea.They will appreciate that you remember these details and will make you immensely popular as a host/hostess.When entertaining someone for the first time, either find out how they take their tea or you may simply ask them (but make a mental note for the next time).
Just as tea holds a great importance among the tea drinkers, so does coffee with the coffee drinkers.
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In fact, Honore de Balzac, a French novelist and playwright, wrote an essay titled The Pleasures and Pains of Coffee. He remarked: This coffee falls into your stomach, and straightway there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move like the battalions of the Grand Army of the battlefield, and the battle takes place.Things remembered arrive at full gallop, ensuing to the wind.The light cavalry of comparisons deliver a magnificent deploying charge, the artillery of logic hurry
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up with their train and ammunition, the shafts of wit start up like sharpshooters. Similes arise, the paper is covered with ink; for the struggle commences and is concluded with torrents of black water, just as a battle with powder. Just as the tea purist savors his tea leaves, a coffee purist savors his coffee beans. Hence, in this section, we will discuss a few points of coffee etiquette: * Coffee Service: There are primarily two types of coffee service that you may encounter: the formal and the informal. * Cup Size: Coffee is served in three cup sizes: (1) the small or demitasse, which is used to serve Arabic coffee or Espresso, (2) medium-sized cup or teacups, which are mostly used at meals, and (3) large coffee cups (or mugs), which are primarily used during informal service and during breakfast. * Coffee Tray: The coffee tray must contain the teacup, a pot of coffee, a pitcher of cream, and a sugar bowl with spoon. * Coffee Processing: Depending on how the coffee beans are processed, we have various qualities of coffeeground, instant, decaffeinated and espresso. * The Espresso: The term Espresso is Italian for pressed out, which describes how high-pressure steam is used to force water through the ground coffee for 25 to 30 seconds. It is a dark, rich full-bodied coffee brew and is served in small quantities, often referred to as shots. There are different types of espresso coffees availableespresso, caffe mocha, caffe latte, cappuccino, and mocha. * Blended Coffees: You also get a delectable selection of blended coffees, along with chocolate, sugar, almonds, and even liqor. For example, mochajava. * Saying No to Serving: Well, if you do not wish to take a cup of coffee, it is a good idea to promptly let the server (or waiter) know. Or else, let him pour you a cup of coffee (it is okay even if you do not drink it down). NEVER turn the cup upside down on the saucer or cover the cup with your hand.
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat Alex Levin, author of Under the Yellow & Red Stars.
Coffee should be black as Hell, strong as death, and sweet as loveTurkish proverb.
A cup of coffeereal coffeehome-browned, home ground, homemade, that comes to you dark as a hazel-eye, but changes to a golden bronze as you temper it with cream that never cheated, but was real cream from its birth, thick, tenderly yellow, perfectly sweet, neither lumpy nor frothing on the Java: such a cup of coffee is a match for twenty blue devils and will exorcise them allHenry Ward Beecher, US Congregational minister.
Beer is not a good cocktailparty drink, especially in a home where you do not know where the bathroom isBilly Carter, American businessman who promoted Billy Beer.
The most important things are said over cocktails and are never donePeter F. Drucker, American writer.
The fact is, the cocktail party has much in its favor. Going to one is a good way of indicating that youre still alive and about, if such is the case, and that youre glad that other people are, without having to spend an entire evening proving itPeg Bracken, American author and humorist.
Hence, in this section, we will look at the general guidelines on handling your drink: * The Invitation: If you are sending out the invites, let the invitation clearly state whether it is a cocktail party or cocktail party with dinner so your guests are informed. * Purpose of Cocktail Party: The cocktail party is not an excuse to go on a binge drinking (simply because it is free). The cocktail party gives you the perfect platform to break ice and build contacts.Therefore, do not restrict your interest to the Jack Daniels or the Black Dogs at the bar, but Mr./Ms. Daniels and Mr./Ms. Black at the party. * Quantity: A small peg is 30 ml of alcohol, while a large peg has 60 ml of alcohol. The Patiala and Double peg have 90 ml and 120 ml of alcohol, respectively. While some people can carry their liqor well, most do not. Then, there are always those who drink themselves silly and make a fool out of themselves. Therefore, be aware of your drinking limits and drink accordingly. Also be aware of your behavior after you consume alcohol. If need be, ask a colleague/friend to keep an eye on your drinking. * Mixing Alcohol: Another important point to remember is that you must not mix your drinks. Therefore, if you are having rum, stick to rum. Do not drink a glass of scotch, followed by a glass of gin, with a glass of vodka to finish the drinking affair. With wine, however, you can alternate between the white and the red wine.
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* Have Some Food: Never drink on an empty stomach as the alcohol can hit you hard and will also make you nauseous. So, when you are consuming alcohol at a party, remember to eat the appetizers being passed around. * Saying No: If you do not wish to drink, you can tell the server when he/ she approaches your glass. However, do not turn the glass upside down or put your hand to cover the glass. If, by chance, the server pours wine into your glass, just leave it in the glass and continue with the conversation. * Left is RIGHT: The right way to hold the drink is to hold it in your left hand, so your right hand is free to shake hands with the other guests. * Hold Your Wine Glasses: White wine glasses should be held by their stem (so your body heat does not get transferred to the contents of the glass) and the red wine glass should be held by the bowl. * Drink Responsibly: How much one can or should drink is quite relative. If you get knocked out with just a sniff of alcohol, I would advise you to stay away from the juice. As a general rule, two drinks is what is acceptable (in exceptional cases, you may accept a third drink). Also, remember to pace your drink (drinking too fast is never a good idea) and do not drink more than you can handle. Last, but definitely not the least, NEVER mix drinking with driving and ALWAYS behave yourself at the party.
Thats your average drink. A 5 ounce glass of wine, a 12 ounce beer or an ounce and a half of liqor like a shot, so if you do one drink per hour, your body can metabolize that within an hourLaura Stetson, American trainer.
Make a Toast
Making a toast is another important part of a cocktail party, and you must remember the following points when it comes to raising your glass or making a toast: The First Toast: The host/hostess makes/initiates the first toast. If you are the host/hostess, wait till all the guests have been served before offering a toast. Toast by Guest: If the host/hostess has not proposed a toast, you may take the liberty to check with the host/hostess whether you can make one. Sitting or Standing? If the party is formal, you must stand when proposing a toast. However, in an informal setting, you may remain seated when proposing the toast. Keep It Brief: Well, this sounds simple enough, but you will be surprised how many people tend to ramble on while making a toast. You must remember that it is a toast, not a speech. Therefore, keep the speaking to the bare minimum. The Honoree: Once the toast has been made, raise your glass, look at the honoree, nod your head in a slight bow, and take the first sip. If you are the
Many a good dinner has been spoiled by a poor after-dinner speech, and many a good after-dinner speech has been spoiled by a poor dinnerAnonymous.
honoree being honored, do not raise your glass as the toast is being made. You may raise the glass after the toast has been made with a phrase such as And to good friends! or And thank you all for coming.
The FRIENDS Corner: Were Toast! [Season 10, Episode 2] SCENE: Ross apartment. Rachel, Joey and Charlie are eating fajitas when Ross enters] Ross: Everyone? I would like to make a toast to Rachel and Joey. Rachel: Ooy. Ross: And to love. Ah, love. L-O-V-E, love. L is for Life. And what is life without love? Rachel: Oh my god, are we supposed to answer? (everyone is about to take a sip when Ross continues and everyone abruptly stops.) Ross: O is for oh, wow! The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which Im still fine by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own. (Ross chokes up and pauses. Rachel and Joey look at him with concern.)
If Jesus Christ were to come today people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner; and hear what he had to say, and make fun of itThomas Carlyle, Scottish historian and essayist of the Victorian era.
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Bruce Willisstuttering These celebrities are a source of inspiration for many, and these names teach us that we must not look down upon people who are disabled. (In fact, I seriously doubt if you could look down upon the names mentioned above and they are only a handful of names.)
Types of Disabilities
Disabilities can be broadly classified into the following five categories: (a) Dexterity/Mobility: A lot of people are under the assumption that dexterity/mobility disability refers to people who use wheelchairs. While that is correct, that is not the only meaning of the term. In fact, mobility disability was defined as self-reported disability in performance of at least one of several activitieswalking a quarter of a mile, walking across a room, climbing two steps, doing heavy chores, carrying a full bag of groceries, running errands, bending to the floor or transferring from a car, bed, bath, chair or toilet (Ferrera, 2005). Therefore, even obesity is considered a disability. In fact, it has also been included in the ADA under disability. (b) Blind/Low Vision: Visual disability refers to a bilateral impairment of visual acuity or contraction of visual field due to various causes that renders the victim unable to accomplish work, study, or other activities of which the common people are capable (Kohrman, 2005). The term visual disability (or visual impairment) is often used to refer to both those who are blind and those with low vision. (c) Deaf/Hard of Hearing: Hearing disability refers to bilateral loss or impairment of hearing due to various causes that render persons unable to hear or to hear clearly in their surroundings (Kohrman, 2005). The term hearing impaired is used to refer to both the deaf and the hard of hearing. (d) Cognitive/Learning: Cognitive disability is a broad term and can be used to refer to people who have deficits in seven basic areas: (a) attention, (b) memory, (c) self-regulation, (d) language development, (e) academic achievement, (f) social development, and (g) motivation. (e) Speech: Speech disability refers to muteness or impairment of speech due to various factors that cause an inability to carry out normal linguistic communication with common people (Kohrman, 2005).
The only disability in life is a bad attitudeScott Hamilton, American figure skater and Olympic gold medalist.
One always overcompensates for disabilities. Im thinking of having my entire body surgically removedDouglas Adams, British comic writer.
Place yourself to their eye level when talking to them. Do not avert your eyes and at the same time, do not stare at them. Also, mind your tone to ensure that you are not talking to them in a patronizing tone. If you are going to have a conversation, which will last longer than five minutes, find a place to sit or squat down. Otherwise, the person in the wheelchair will strain their neck. Offer your hand.This tells them that you accept them as they are and helps break the barrier. Speak directly to the person. For instance, if a child is in wheelchair and you want to make polite conversation, you must speak directly to him and not direct your questions to his mother. Do not lean on their wheelchair or their walking stick. Do not ask them to hold your stuff. Do not intrude into their personal space and do not touch or push their wheelchair. This is so because the wheelchair or crutches become a part of their body and personal space.
Do not grab the persons crutches, canes, or arms. You may dis-balance them in addition to intruding in their personal space. Also, slapping them on any body part (even if it is a goodwill gesture) is also a strict no-no. Of course, you may offer assistance to the person to see if he/she needs help. Once you have been given permission, you may assist. If they tell you they do not need help, do not push.
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Ensure ramps are available at the workplace so they may wheel their wheelchair into the building. You must also ensure that the doors are wheelchair friendly. If the building has several stories, it should have an elevator. If you are unsure of something about the disabled person (for example, whether they need something), you should ask the person directly. They will not be offended and will like your openness. And then, of course, they might be in need for something.
Disability is a matter of perception. If you can do just one thing well, youre needed by someoneMartina Navratilova, Czech-born American tennis player.
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Remember that the guide dog is a working dog. Therefore, watch against a tendency to pat the dog as it may distract him/her from his/her job.You may, of course, ask the person for the dogs name and if you really want to, you may ask for permission to pat the dog.
A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilitiesWilliam Arthur Ward, American scholar, author and pastor.
When you are walking with a visually impaired, you may ask them whether you can take their arm. You may also confer with them if you have questions on how to walk with them.You may also offer other kinds of assistance. For example, offer to read information. When a new employee who is visually impaired joins the organization, provide him/her a tour of the facility. Describe the setting, the environment, and the obstacles en-route as you are giving the tour.
You must not obstruct their view of your mouth while talking to them. This is so because a lot of hearing-impaired rely on the lip movements to understand what you are saying to them. Therefore, avoid chewing gum and smoking while you are conversing with them.
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My son Alessandro was always so terrific with his sister, and the three of usAlessandro, Allegra and myselfmade the highs as high as we could, and mostly tried to laugh at the lows. I have written some of the difficulties a learning disability can cause a family, but there is an up side to everythingAnne Ford, author and former chairman of National Center for Learning Disabilities.
Definition
Attention-deficit/Hyperactivity A sustained inability to focus on a subject. Disorder Aphasia Distractability Dyscalculia Dyslexia Dysnomia Hyperactivity Hypoactivity Imperception Inability to understand or express written/spoken language Being easily distracted and thrown off track Problems adding, subtracting, multiplying, etc. Partial or complete inability to read or to understand what you read silently or aloud Difficulty finding the appropriate word for the situation Inappropriate increased activity Decreased activity Inability of the central nervous system to organize sensory information Exhibit 17.2 Some Common Cognitive Disabilities
I wanted to translate from one flat surface to another. In fact, my learning disabilities controlled a lot of things. I dont recognize faces, so Im sure its what drove me to portraits in the first placeChuck Close, American painter and photographer.
Look at your heart and tongue, one feels but deaf and dumb, the other speaks in words and signsJalal ad-Din Rumi, Persian poet and mystic.
In general, very few people are prepared for any kind of disaster including disability, which doesnt require a hurricaneArthur Stein, Professor of Political Science at the University of California.
New information and communication technologies can improve the quality of life for people with disabilities, but only if such technologies are designed from the beginning so that everyone can use them. Given the explosive growth in the use of the World Wide Web for publishing, electronic commerce, lifelong learning and the delivery of government services, it is vital that the Web be accessible to everyone Bill Clinton, 42nd American president.
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17.6
Golf ProprieTEES
Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling Mark Twain, American writer and humorist.
So much business gets done on the golf course that I decided to include a separate section on golfing etiquette. Pay attention to how you handle the club, the ball, and the tees. Let us look at some important points in golfing proprieTEES: First and foremost, be a sport and play the sport well. Keep it safe. Do not start swinging your club unless you are sure the others are out of harms way. Similarly, keep aware and keep away when someone else is swinging their club. When practicing your swing, do not swing in someones direction. For one, you may invariably have debris thrown in their direction (smaller problem) or you may lose your grip and accidentally hurl your club in their direction (bigger problem). Do not hit the ball unless you know the field is clear (of other unsuspecting players and groups).
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Youve got to be rich to have a swing like thatBob Hope, English-born American actor and comedian.
If your ball appears to be heading in another players or groups direction, alert them by screaming Fore!, which is an internationally recognized alert sound. Keep your cart off the grass and off people. In other words, obey cart rules at all times. Be ready to play when it is your turn. Therefore, do not indulge in other activities (such as talking on the phone or talking to another colleague). Guests (or higher-ranked people) are usually invited to tee off first. Therefore, maintain propriety. When someone is getting ready to hit the ball, do not chat as this may distract him/her. Also, after a good hit, refrain from shouting in exuberance as other people on the golf-course may get distracted. Not to mention that you also run the risk of looking immature and childish. The player who is away hits first. However, in friendly games, the group may unanimously agree to go for ready play, where people hit as and when they are ready. However, first get all players to agree to ready-play. The rule book says that you have five minutes to look for a lost ball. However, good etiquette demands that you wave to the group behind to play through. Offer genuine compliments such as good shot to other players. This makes you seem like a person who enjoys the game without being hung up on the outcome. Do not step in your partners putting line. The grass will be stepped down and can affect the roll of the ball.
Golf is a game not just of manners but of moralsArt Spander, American journalist.
Well, last but not the least, enjoy the game! Be a good player and remember that the relationships you build on the golf course are more important than your golf score.
17.7
Civilization has taught us to eat with a fork but even now if nobody is around we use our fingersWill Rogers, American entertainer.
Conclusion
Etiquette is an important part of our lives as social beings. Hence, to live in the society, we have to stick to the A to Z of basic etiquette and everyday manners. While most of these will seem like common sense, but I still implore you to pay attention to these points when reading through the chapter. Finally, do remember that a graceful host/hostess and a graceful guest is liked by all, and a sensitive person makes for better company. So, heres to all of you: May you all find etiquette in your lives.
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Review Questions 1. In the chapter, we have discussed golfing proprieties. Prepare/compile a list of etiquette for other games such as bridge, pool/billiards, etc. 2. Prepare a 300-word essay on gift-giving etiquette. Also illustrate different giftgiving norms in various countries (you must choose five different countries). 3. State whether the following are true or false: (a) In the British society, high tea was superior to afternoon tea. (b) There are different types of coffee but only one type of tea. (c) In North India, you can use only your fingers while eating food; however, in South India, you can take the liberty up till the palm. (d) Once you are done with the meal, you must gently push the plate away from you. (e) The end of the chopsticks is tapered to a blunt end or a pointed end. (f) You must serve either coffee or tea, but never both at one time. (g) In the European dining style, you must cut your food with the knife; then place the knife and switch the fork to your right hand. (h) When seating on the table, put your purse to the left of the plate so it does not obstruct the way of the glasses. (i) You must put appropriate signage across your office to make it disabledfriendly. (j) The entre is the appetizers served during a cocktail party. 4. Pick the best option for each of the following questions: (a) In Marwari culture, papad is served (i) As an appetizer (ii) At the beginning of the meal (iii) During the meal (iv) At the close of the meal (v) All of these (b) From which type of disability does Stevie Wonder suffer? (i) Mobility/dexterity (ii) Blind/low vision (iii) Deaf/hard of hearing (iv) Cognitive/learning (v) Speech (c) RSVP stands for (i) Reply Soon Via Post (ii) Reply Soon Via Phone (iii) Rpondez sil vous plait (iv) Respondez sil vous please (v) All of these
(d) Once you are done with the meal, the napkin (i) Must be placed on the chair under the table. (ii) Must be loosely folded and kept under the plate. (iii) Must be loosely folded and kept to the left of the plate. (iv) Must be dropped to the floor. (v) None of these (e) How many cutleries should be ideally placed on a table at any given time? (i) One (ii) Two (iii) Three (iv) Four (v) Six 5. What etiquette norms will you keep in mind when dealing with: (a) An American client (b) A British client (c) An Arab client (d) A Japanese client (e) An Australian client
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CASE STUDY
Etiquette: Strategy de Louis XIV King Louis XIVs insistence on adherence to etiquette is legendary. There were prescribed etiquette for everyone (including the king). Louis gave to it new dignity and precision, new force and power, and on a scale hitherto unknown. To enforce etiquette, Louis himself was compelled to be ruled by etiquette. He ceased to be a free agent, and etiquette became supreme (Farmer, 1905). The etiquette ruled Louis life from morning, when he woke up, to the night, when he went to bed. So much was etiquette a way of life, that there existed an elaborate ritual where the King retired for the night (known as coucher). Take a look at an extract from the Memoirs of the Comtesse de Boigne. Comtesse de Boigne, Memoirs The king went to his coucher. The so-called coucher took place every evening at half past nine. The gentlemen of the court assembled in the bedroom of Louis XIV. The king came in from an adjoining room, followed by his domestic staff. His hair was in curlers, and he was not wearing his decorations. Without paying attention to anybody, he stepped behind the handrail surrounding the bed, and the chaplain on duty was given the prayer book and a tall taperstand with two candles by one of the valets. He then joined the king behind the handrail, handed him the book, and held the taperstand during the kings prayer, which was short. The king then went to the part of the room where the courtiers were, and the chaplain gave the taperstand back to the first valet who, in turn, took it over to a person indicated by the king. This person held it as long as the coucher lasted. This distinction was very much sought after The king had his coat, vest and finally shirt removed. He was naked to the waist, scratching and rubbing himself as if alone, though he was in the presence of the whole court and often a number of distinguished foreigners. The first valet handed the nightshirt to the most qualified personIf it was a person with whom the king was on familiar terms, he often played little tricks before donning it, missed it, passed it, and ran away; accompanying this charming nonsense with hearty laughter, making those who were sincerely attached to him suffer. Having donned the nightshirt, he put on his robe and three valets unfastened the belt and the knee buckles of his trousers, which fell down to his feet. Thus attired, hardly able to walk so absurdly encumbered, he began to make the round of the circle. The duration of this reception was by no means fixed; sometimes it lasted only a few minutes, sometimes almost an hour, it depended on who was thereWhen the king had enough, he dragged himself backward to an easy chair which had been pushed to the middle of the room and fell heavily into it, raising both legs. Two pages on their knees seized his shoes, took them off, and dropped them on the floor with a thump, which was part of the etiquette. When he heard it, the doorman opened the door and said, This way, gentleman. Everybody left, and the ceremony was over. However, the person who held the taperstand was permitted to stay if he
496 Business Communication had anything special to say to the king. This explains the high price attached to this strange favor. Life at Versailles Elaborate etiquette existed for all areas of life and behaviorand nobles left their estates in order to maintain a costly life at the palace (Vess, 2006). Life at Versailles became a court ceremony with Louis XIV at the center of it all. Most daily ceremonies were carefully staged, such as those attending Louiss rising from bed, dining, praying, attending Mass, and going to bed. A mob of nobles aspired to assist the king in carrying out these solemn activities. It was considered a great honor for a noble to be chosen to hand the king his shirt while dressing. But why did nobles participate in so many ceremonies, some of which were so obviously demeaning? (Spielvogel, 2008)
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