Eden, to David the warrior king

and his battle with Goliath. You

can wander in the desert with
camels, as did Abraham and
those who came later; play Dan-
iel in the lions den, or get swal-
lowed by a whale. Young girls can
look to Miriam, Judith, Debo-
rah, Bruria, and Donna Gracia
Mendes for inspiration. Kids can
split the Red Sea, play Moses and
get the 10 Commandments, bring
down the walls of Jericho, wrestle
with angels, free the Jewish slaves
in Egypt and give the story a con-
temporary twist. Tell it like its a
video game, with all the sound
effectsThere are 52 weekends
in a year, and there are at least
52 themes in the Tanach alone
to choose from. With imagina-
tion, you can actually make these
themes fun.
If putting the mitzvah back
in is just too dull and boring,
there are always Jews in sports to
kick up a celebration. Theres also a place for everyone
to blow off steam and live out race car fantasies and
laser war games at Velocity 17 in Paramus. They do lots
of bar/bats and can get you kosher food. Or choose
themes from cities spanning the globe, where Jews
once lived and made a difference, then create menus,
music and programs to match.
For example, the island of Curacao is rich in Jew-
ish history, has Dutch-Caribe fusion food and a unique
culture that can spice up any event. The same can be
said of Recife, Brazil; Istanbul, Turkey; Cairo, Egypt;
Kaifeng, China; Kobe, Japan. The list is endless, If your
family comes from an unusual place, use the cuisine
and culture to make your event interesting, while
teaching your child about your family.
More contemporary themes can center on Israeli
and Jewish heroes, and those in the sciences like Albert
Einstein the theory of relativity for the local math
genius. If you like outer space, use the creation of the
world, and mix in a little bit of Carl Sagan, the astro-
physicist, with his billions of stars, while partying at
a Space Odyssey in Englewood. Jewish doctors date
back to Maimonides and include Jonas Salk, Rosalind
Yallow and so many others who changed the way we
live. If we look to characters from Yiddish culture, the
list grows even longer. An American-Jewish comedy
theme could be a terrifc idea!
You are limited only by your imagination. Read
your childs Torah portion, talk to the rabbi about some
themes that can relate to the contemporary world or
your familys history. Use those elements to create an
exciting and meaningful experience for your child,
your guests and your community.
Jeanette Friedman
Y
our daughter is 11 and your son is 12,
and your family is unaffiliated and
you want to do a little something to
mark their bat/bar mitzvot? Oy, are
you in trouble. You didnt join a congrega-
tion and book the bar/bat dates at birth?
Your kids arent enrolled in Hebrew school?
Your life is about to get complicated,
and you are not alone.
Even parents with kids in day schools,
yeshivot and other Jewish learning pro-
grams and affliations, have a rough time
putting all the pieces together to appropri-
ately mark bar and bat mitzvot.
Heres some suggestions of what to
start thinking about.
The FirsT sTep:
choose a communiTY
Planning a bar/bat is not for the impulsive.
The earliest decision you need to make:
How will your child get a Jewish education?
This decision, at the very latest, should be
made when your child is about 9 years old.
Pick a community where you feel comfort-
able and refects the values you want your
child to incorporate into his/her life.
Try to join a group that offers classes with enough
time to give the child the basics, including a solid
sense of Jewish history, and where they are prepped
for their religious ceremonies. Since there is an echo
boomer effect, lots of kids are going be bar or bat
mitzvahed at the same time as your child, and being
part of a community and a member of a congregation
allows you to participate in services for your childs
ceremony.
When you are a dues-paying member of a group,
you still have to check with the event offce to make
sure there are no conflicts for the Hebrew date of
your childs bar/bat. Usually people like to do this on
the Shabbat that is the closest to the childs birthday.
Sometimes five children have their bar/bats on the
same day. Often, the congregation will have a format
it follows for multi-bar/bats and your child will be part
of a group activity.
If its something much more personal youd like
like having your child lead services as well as mak-
ing the blessing on the Torah scroll, the prep time and
pressure on the child need to be taken into consider-
ation and so does a venue. Talk to your rabbi to see
how you can be accommodated.
After the collation and kiddush, family and guests
depart for other venues where additional festivities are
held. From a haimish full-course traditional Shabbat
Cover photo: Mike Kortoci photography
566 South Broad Street, Glen Rock NJ 07452
Main: (201) 389-3524 Text/Call: (201) 639-8009
E-mail: mkortoci@gmail.com www.mikekortoci.com
See Plan page 8
Time to get ready
Today you are a plan(ner)
meal served in the shul rec room, to a 12-course tast-
ing menu served French-style in an immense mansion
in the hills overlooking Manhattan, the choice is yours.
There are work-arounds for procrastinators. But
you really cant do this on two weeks notice. You need
at least three months lead time. Hire yourself a private
rabbi to teach your child. On the appointed day, the
rabbi will arrive with a Torah scroll, perform private
services with your family and guests, and have a tradi-
tional (or contemporary) ceremony before the festivi-
ties begin in the grand ballroom next door.
Depending on who you are, how you were raised,
your choices range from the most contemporary
and evolving segments of Judaism to the traditional
denominations up to and including ultra-Ortho-
doxy in all its forms. If youve been unaffliated, get on
the Internet to check out learning groups available in
your area that refect your way of life, and call mem-
bers to fnd out more. Information about the types of
religious institutions and congregations, temples and
synagogues can be found on the Internet.
sTep Two: one Year beFore The evenT,
sTarT Your acTual parTY plans
Theme dreams
What is the message you want to send your child? If
you care about your childs bar/bat as a religious life-
cycle event, try to make sure your themes dont cause a
disconnect or a revolution with the rabbi and more
traditional members of your family.
That being said, there are so many exciting themes
that can be lifted straight from the Bible and Jewish
history, from the creation itself and the Garden of
Wendy Starr of oradell practices torah reading with the help of rabbi Neal Borovitz at temple Avodat Shalom.
Mike kortoci PhotograPhy
WINter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah
Proceeds will benefit
children in the JCRCs
Bergen Reads literacy
program. For more
information, please
contact Beth Figman
at 201-820-3947 or
bethf@jfnnj.org.
Beautiful
centerpieces
with a special
purpose.
For Your
Bar/Bat Mitzvah
Bris
Baby Naming
Organization Event
Celebrate Your Next
Special Occasion With
Book Centerpieces
For Tzedaka
a checklist for
advance preparation
Three Years in advance:
Join a congregation / book the
date for the sanctuary
Put your child on the learning
and mitzvah track
Two Years in advance:
Select caterer and venue
If you are having tellin
specially made, order them early
one Year in advance:
If you need one, hire a party planner
Select a theme so that your invitations and accessories all go along with it
Make your guest list and take a count of out-of-towners
Decide how to accommodate them with home hospitality or local hotels
and book accordingly
Book entertainment, photo/videographers and makeup artists
six monThs in advance:
Order the invitations and all printed materials (you may want to mention
your childs mitzvah project on the invite or giveaways)
Figure out the correct postage for each invitation, and dont forget postage for
return envelopes
Hire a calligrapher or run off the envelopes on your computer
Start practicing with your child at home to make sure everything is cool and
that there wont be last minute stage fright or panic
Order tellin, tallitot and other items you will need, like an engraved kiddush
cup for the child, or an embroidered challah cover
Pick out the supplies you need for your childs theme, especially if you are a
D-I-Y.
Set up a gift registry at the local bookstore or Judaica shop or other stores, and
let people know where your child is registered
Two monThs in advance:
Send out the invitations
Make follow-up calls if the responses are slow
Send people to your website for additional information
Create any special ceremonies, assign honors and write your speeches
Two weeks in advance:
Final ttings for everyone
Conrm all grooming appointments
Give the count and the table arrangements to the caterer
Get rehearsal time with the rabbi and nd out if you can make a video
a week beFore The big weekend
Sit down with the caterer and make sure everything is the way you want it to
be
Make sure that baskets will be delivered to guests from out of town
prepare YourselF For anY evenTualiTY:
Make a kit containing aspirin, needles and thread to match the various out-
fts, buttons, hair brushes, extra lipstick, tissues, a pair of pantyhose and
comfortable shoes, just in case, and any medications family members may
forget to take. Put the kit in with the things that need to be brought to the
synagogue.
Two daYs beFore The evenT:
Take it easy, relax, take a deep breath, and drive on
Chaos is about to hit
Stay collected and focused and
Everyone will have a wonderful time
Go with the name you can trust
Over 30 years in the Party & Entertainment Industry
On Site or Off Site. . . We Travel Anywhere!
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Winter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah
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Executive Chef Sole East
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Larry Kolar
Executive Chef Sole East
Owner On the Forks Catering
info@ontheforks.com
Catering now available
in New Jersey!

Readers of Dans Papers
voted us
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ON THE FORKS CATERING
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Larry Kolar Executive Chef / The Backyard at Sole East.
catering for every occasion and event
smalllargeintimatecorporateweddingbirthday
simple barbeque

Larry Kolar
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Owner On the Forks Catering
info@ontheforks.com
646-389-1099
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Best Of The Best 2011
Brunch - The Backyard at Sole East
Continental Cuisine - The Backyard at Sole East
ON THE FORKS CATERING
owned and operated by
Larry Kolar Executive Chef / The Backyard at Sole East.
catering for every occasion and event
smalllargeintimatecorporateweddingbirthday
simple barbeque

Larry Kolar
Executive Chef Sole East
Owner On the Forks Catering
info@ontheforks.com
Catering for
every occasion and event
small large intimate corporate
wedding birthday
simple barbeque...
rainbows oF choices, choices, choices
Do your research, choose your options, and then make
decisions. Those choices include who will teach your
child about his or her special responsibilities as a
member of the Jewish community and the world-at-
large to what you are going to serve for desert. You
will have to decide budgets, venues, entertainment,
menus, photographers, music, fowers, and what not
to wear.
Be aware. If you can think it, you will have to make
a decision about whatever it is.
So if you arent very good at deciding, hire a party
planner who will do the thinking for you as far as
the reception, party, or other capstone event is con-
cerned. Your responsibilities are inescapable, but the
planner will minimize your confusion and help you
create a memorable event for your child, family, and
friends if you provide her or him with the input
needed to make it meaningful.
Pick someone whose work impressed you at
another event and get referrals. You never know what
someone is like until you work with them, so interview
a party planner the same way you would interview
your personal assistant. Make sure the party planner
is well-connected to local resources and has a good
imagination, as well as respect for your values and
your dollars.
Select your theme so that invitations and acces-
sories match. The theme can include the mitzvah that
the bar/bat has chosen. For example, when you do a
green theme, you can choose rain forest decora-
tions that can be repurposed and centerpieces that
can be planted in someones garden and make sure all
papers are recycled.
Make your guest list and take a count of out-of-
towners. They will need to be accommodated, and in
Orthodox communities, they will need to be housed
within walking distance of the synagogue. Home hos-
pitality can be arranged with good neighbors or local
hotels and book accordingly. If you take a block
of rooms, you may be able to get a discount for your
guests, if you arent footing the bill yourself. You may
also have to arrange for transportation whether its
getting Dad to get to the airport to pick up Uncle Joey,
reserving plane tickets, arranging for shuttle service, or
hiring a limo to take the bar/bat to his or her party in
style.
parTY Time
Some party planners want you to ask your child where
he or she wants to have their party. In the real world,
most parents really dont want to know what their child
prefers except for their favorite themes and colors.
Parents should stay realistic and try to keep things on a
level that shows their children they respect the dignity
of the occasion.
However, once the ceremonies and rituals are
over, a family can throw one heck of a fun birthday
party for the kids who just went through all that hard
work to commit themselves to Judaism. They do
deserve a reward and skating parties, boat rides,
white water rafting, bowling, and even hang-gliding
are great ways to have fun and celebrate an emerging
teenagers birthday. But such a party really has nothing
to do with a bar/bat mitzvah unless of course, you
decide that the reception is formal and contains its
own rituals, candle-lighting ceremonies, cake cuttings,
and other ways to interact with and honor extended
family members and guests.
Plan from page 5
Jewish Standard, Jewish Community news, rockland Jewish Federation reporter s-9
Winter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah
rainbows oF choices, choices, choices
Do your research, choose your options, and then make
decisions. Those choices include who will teach your
child about his or her special responsibilities as a
member of the Jewish community and the world-at-
large to what you are going to serve for desert. You
will have to decide budgets, venues, entertainment,
menus, photographers, music, fowers, and what not
to wear.
Be aware. If you can think it, you will have to make
a decision about whatever it is.
So if you arent very good at deciding, hire a party
planner who will do the thinking for you as far as
the reception, party, or other capstone event is con-
cerned. Your responsibilities are inescapable, but the
planner will minimize your confusion and help you
create a memorable event for your child, family, and
friends if you provide her or him with the input
needed to make it meaningful.
Pick someone whose work impressed you at
another event and get referrals. You never know what
someone is like until you work with them, so interview
a party planner the same way you would interview
your personal assistant. Make sure the party planner
is well-connected to local resources and has a good
imagination, as well as respect for your values and
your dollars.
Select your theme so that invitations and acces-
sories match. The theme can include the mitzvah that
the bar/bat has chosen. For example, when you do a
green theme, you can choose rain forest decora-
tions that can be repurposed and centerpieces that
can be planted in someones garden and make sure all
papers are recycled.
Make your guest list and take a count of out-of-
towners. They will need to be accommodated, and in
Orthodox communities, they will need to be housed
within walking distance of the synagogue. Home hos-
pitality can be arranged with good neighbors or local
hotels and book accordingly. If you take a block
of rooms, you may be able to get a discount for your
guests, if you arent footing the bill yourself. You may
also have to arrange for transportation whether its
getting Dad to get to the airport to pick up Uncle Joey,
reserving plane tickets, arranging for shuttle service, or
hiring a limo to take the bar/bat to his or her party in
style.
parTY Time
Some party planners want you to ask your child where
he or she wants to have their party. In the real world,
most parents really dont want to know what their child
prefers except for their favorite themes and colors.
Parents should stay realistic and try to keep things on a
level that shows their children they respect the dignity
of the occasion.
However, once the ceremonies and rituals are
over, a family can throw one heck of a fun birthday
party for the kids who just went through all that hard
work to commit themselves to Judaism. They do
deserve a reward and skating parties, boat rides,
white water rafting, bowling, and even hang-gliding
are great ways to have fun and celebrate an emerging
teenagers birthday. But such a party really has nothing
to do with a bar/bat mitzvah unless of course, you
decide that the reception is formal and contains its
own rituals, candle-lighting ceremonies, cake cuttings,
and other ways to interact with and honor extended
family members and guests.
The art of the invite
Jeanette Friedman
b
eribboned envelopes, scroll styles
wrapped in blingy cases, tux-
edo cards, myriad die cuts, color
schemes and themes, pop-up cards
and dvds from the Bible chapter of the
week to the latest fads, from the mitz-
vah project theme to The X-Men, when it
comes to creating the invitations for your
childs special event, the skys the limit.
Anything is possible. One family dressed
like royal messengers and hand delivered
invites to people in their area and the
invitations refected that gilded elegance.
For a jewelry-themed Bat Mitzvah, one
family put the invitation and a strand of
pearls into a jewelry box, wrapped that in
a pretty white box and placed that into a
shopping bag printed with the girls
name. Getting it into the postal system
was a major job, but totally worth it for
that little girl.
On the other hand, there are par-
ents who prefer the simple and tra-
ditional route, with curved Hebrew
lettering and simple type. Parents of
multiple bnai mitzvoth can decide if
each child will get an invitation that
reflects their individual personalities,
and design accordingly, or put them all
in one by using clever designs.
The invitation for your event makes
an important impression on your
guests, expresses your childs personal-
ity and favorite theme, and entices peo-
ple to attend your childs simcha. Today,
there are lots of ways to get the message out and lots
more paperwork to include in your printing budget.
Theres more to it than a classic white folded card in
a white envelope with a response card and envelope
tossed in, and it is often necessary to think at least
six months ahead, depending on how complicated
your print package will be. The invitations should
go out no later than six weeks before the big day, and
the save-the-date should go out at least three months
ahead of time.
Thats because of the huge numbers of children
celebrating their bnai mitzvoth, so the save-the-date
cards give everyone a heads up, and the folks you
really want at the simcha can lock in your date. These
postcards usually are designed with the theme that will
be carried through on the rest of the printed matter.
Even the most complicated invitations require
mundane response cards and today, some people, in
addition to fancying them up a bit, also add an email
address or use a net-based program like e-vites to
tally up who is coming and who is not. You provide
the postage on the response envelopes, and the Postal
Service allows you to design your own stamps! You can
use them on both envelopes, and remember, the more
the invitation weighs, and the bigger the package the
higher the postage. Take a complete set down to the
post offce and have them tell you how much each will
cost. That way, when you order your custom stamps,
you can use just one stamp and not clutter the front.
You design a different stamp for the response enve-
lope, which is probably going to cost the normal rate
for a regular letter.
For really large events, sometimes it makes sense
to mark the response card with a code so
you know who sent it backsome people
simply forget to write their names in! Put
a number next to the name on your invite
list, and write it on the interior of the enve-
lope fap that goes into that invitees pack-
age.
Then there are the escort cards
cards that let guests know which table
number is theirs. In the old days, a sim-
ple folded piece of pre-printed card-
board would do. Today, escort cards come
wrapped with party favors, from baseballs to bling-y
bracelets, and everyone gets to take their favors home.
For those who dont mind the extra work, place cards
are back in style, so in addition to fguring which ten
people will sit at a given table, you can now fgure out
who sits next to whom, dress up the place card, and
put one at each setting on the tablescape.
In addition to all that, there are menus, programs,
benchers, kippot, and souvenir-T-shirts, mugs, base-
ball caps, handbags, umbrellas, green-friendly tote
bags and everything in between. One mother created
a whole book of photos, including her sons essays and
family history with an embossed coat-of-arms featur-
ing her son the basketball player in the escutcheon.
She used the logo on mugs and T-shirts, too. People
loved it.
And above all, dont forget the thank you cards.
Your child will get lots of gifts and guests do need a for-
mal thank you.
Here are some places you can check out to fnd
the invitation that suits your family best.
petite paperie
Serina Canciglia
31A Washington Street near CvS
tenay, NJ (201) 503-1221
www.petitepaperieNJ.com
Store hours 10-6 Mon.-Sat.
Walk-ins ok, but its better to call ahead and make an
appointment.
Serina says make your own trend. Dont rely on
copying what others have done. Be original and cre-
ative. They do everything foil embossing die cuts
their specialty is creating a brand, a logo that is carried
throughout the party, on the invitations, the T-shirts
and party favors.
Its what we do best, says Serina.
They have a real shop, on the main drag in Tenafy.
You can choose from a wide array of gifts and cards,
candles, and boxed sets of stationery. Serina and her
sister-in-law Phoebe comb the gift shows looking for
the best of the best and end up neck-and-neck with
the Write Impression, teaneck
petite paperie, tenay
Suite paperie, NYC
WINter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah Priceless Possessions
Judaica
Full Service Bar/Bat Mitzvah Center
22-24 Morlot Ave. Fair Lawn
(201) 797-1818 Open Sundays 11-5
READERS
CHOICE
2011
TOP 3
PLACE TO ORDER
INVITATIONS
GIFT SHOP
Handcrafted
and Personalized Gifts
All Invitations &
Bar/Bat Mitzvah
Talis Sets
25% OFF
with this ad. Exp. 3/30/12
0002882026
The Write Impression
Nicastro
LChaim
Damon
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approved by
This ad is copyrighted by North Jersey
Media Group and may not be reproduced in
any form, or replicated in a similar version,
without approval from North Jersey Media
Group.
0002882026
The Write Impression
Nicastro
LChaim
Damon
___ Art Direction
___ E-Proof
___ OK AS IS
___ OK W. CHANGE
________________
approved by
This ad is copyrighted by North Jersey
Media Group and may not be reproduced in
any form, or replicated in a similar version,
without approval from North Jersey Media
Group.
Simone Wruble
201.833.0404
195 W. Englewood Ave.
Teaneck, NJ
M-Th 10am-5pm
by appointment only
Sundays & Evenings
available upon request
www.TheWriteImpression.ForParties.com
Invitations Stationery Party Favors
Envelope Addressing
Place Cards Baby Announcements
Thank You Cards Gifts And much more!
No minimum quantities
Over 60 books discounted
READERS
CHOICE
2010
TOP 3
INVITATION PLACE
PARTY PLANNER
11am - 7pm Mon-Wed 11am-8pm Turs
11am-3pm Fri 11am-6pm Sun closed Sat
502a cedar lane, teaneck 201-530-5046
www.teaneckgeneralstore.com
custom bar/bat mitzvah favors
t-shirts sweatshirts backpacks
tote bags towels hats picture frames
and much more
let us help you make your event special
11am - 7pm Mon-Wed 11am-8pm Turs
11am-3pm Fri 11am-6pm Sun closed Sat
502a cedar lane, teaneck 201-530-5046
www.teaneckgeneralstore.com
custom bar/bat mitzvah favors
t-shirts sweatshirts backpacks
tote bags towels hats picture frames
and much more
let us help you make your event special
11am - 7pm Mon-Wed 11am-8pm Turs
11am-3pm Fri 11am-6pm Sun closed Sat
502a cedar lane, teaneck 201-530-5046
www.teaneckgeneralstore.com
custom bar/bat mitzvah favors
t-shirts sweatshirts backpacks
tote bags towels hats picture frames
and much more
let us help you make your event special
Oprahs crew from O Magazine. They start from scratch
and are inspired by clients and inspire them as well.
We prepare a concept board for each client and
get them thinking about what they want to do to bring
that special personal touch to life, she says. The shop
has been around for more than a decade, and you will
get professional service that will make your party fabu-
lous.
suite paperie
Becca Goldberg
134 W. 26 St. between 6th and 7th avenues
New York, NY 10001
(646) 535-6240
www.suitepaperie.com
Becca makes house calls and will be happy to visit you
at home in North Jersey or Rockland and will bring
along the latest invitation designs. All her work is cus-
tom, and she designs special projects after speaking to
parents and the celebrated child.
She works with all kinds of budgets from black
tie to casual, and does various types of printing from
foil stamping and die cuts, to special colors and letter
press, true engraving and thermography. There are
escort cards in varied styles, favor tags, paper party
favors, and paper centerpieces. And of course, for the
aftermath, the must-get thank-you cards.
Kids love her and will express their opinions, even
if their parents didnt expect them to. That way every-
one gets what they want, and the guests are happy, too.
The write impression
195 West englewood Ave. Suite 108
teaneck, NJ 07666
(201) 833-0404
www.thewriteimpression.forparties.com
writeimpression@optonline.net
The Write Impression at Party Plaza in Teaneck has
been serving the Bergen County community for 16
years. They offer a wide range of discounted invita-
tions (bar and bat mitzvot, wedding, parties), statio-
nery, place cards, wedding programs, party favors and
an envelope addressing service.
Write Impressions can also print invitations on
demand for the impulsive people who wait until the
last possible moment to get things done. Good to
know.
Hours are generally Monday-Thursday 11-5.
Appointments are preferred, especially on Sundays, so
call ahead for personal service.
cohens printing
ruth Cohen
362 Cedar Lane #3
teaneck, NJ 07666-3447
(201) 287-0343
ruth@cohenprinting.com
The Cohens take bar and bat mitzvah invitations seri-
ously. It is the frst impression that your guests will
receive and you want to make sure its a good one,
says Ruth.
Elegant invitations for more sophisticated bar
and bat mitzvot, using traditional colors, font styles,
and minimal graphics or design elements, are a great
way to show off your childs sense of maturity for this
once-in-a-lifetime occasion, she says.
Laid-back and informal bar-bat invitations come
in many colors, abstract designs or are in line with
your theme, using fun fonts and keeping it simple and
catchy. Ruth suggests blending tradition and modern
with invitations that incorporate classic ideas and
traditions with a more modern view. You can choose a
background, Jewish symbols, a specifc font style, font
size, ink color, and font effects to customize your spe-
cial invitations.
As long as you keep your childs own style and
personality in mind when choosing their invitation,
you cant go wrong, says Ruth.
party plus studio
Caryn Sherry/Jennifer Maraldo
108 engle St.
englewood, NJ 07631
(201) 871-8860
jamsherry@aol.com
No malls necessary! Teachers gifts, hostess gifts, and
holiday gifts are all available at Party Plus Studio. Free
gift wrapping is available with purchase, and free park-
ing is available around the back of the store. New mer-
chandise arrives daily, and there are lots of designer
invitations to choose from.
priceless possessions
22-24 Morlot Avenue
Fair Lawn, NJ 07410
(201) 797-1818
https://www.facebook.com/pages/priceless-possessions-
Judaica/188326919419
Brianss Judaica gift store sells invitations for wed-
dings, bar-bats and other simchas. Any invitations
you choose from a sample book are 25% off, includ-
ing response cards, escort cards, informals, thank you
cards, direction cards, and whatever you need for your
party package. They offer Checkerboard, Birchcraft
Studios, Carlson Crafts, and Indelible Ink. Theres a
wide selection of Hebrew and English fonts, paper
stocks and envelope styles. The shop is open Monday-
Wednesday from 10-5:30, Thursdays until 8, Fridays
until 3, and Sundays from 11 to 5.
Visit their Facebook page to learn about specials
and hostess gift sales. They also sell personalized kip-
pot and other items, like benchers. Theres also a selec-
tion of gifts for your childs rabbi, tutor and other
people who have helped make your simcha a success.
Youre so invited!
260 Westwood Avenue
Westwood, NJ 07675
(201) 664-8600
http://www.youresoinvited.com
This shop, conveniently located in the heart of West-
wood, carries a full line of designer invites, including
Crane, Vera Wang, Checkerboard, Arlene Designs, Cest
Papier, Inc., Stacey Claire Boyd, The Lemon Tree.
They offer hundreds of different font styles and
sizes, paper and ink colors, so that you can design your
invitation to suit your childs personality and chosen
themes.
The shops original centerpieces feature fowers,
fabrics or balloons, or other objects for tablescapes.
They run from princessy pinks for the royal bat mitz-
vah girl, to basic baseball or other sports themes that
so many bar mitzvot go for.
Youre So Invited also offers additional services like
computer and hand-done calligraphy for envelopes
and collateral materials, like escort cards and place
cards. They will not type in your guest lists for address-
ing envelopes, but they will print them out for you,
and will remind you to proofread everything in the fle
before you send it to them.
Instructions on how to send your fles to Youre So
Invited are on the website, so it becomes easy for you
to provide them with what they need to make your
invitations perfect.
Experience the Elegance
Celebrate your Bar or Bat Mitzvah in our elegant ballroom and stately lobby,
set amidst lavish gardens and the historic homes of Rockleigh. Our unsurpassed personal service
and custom menus enhance the magic of your special day.
26 Paris Avenue Rockleigh, New Jersey 07647 Tel. 201-768-7171
www.therockleigh.net
JewStd_Bar_ad_080109.indd 1 2/22/08 3:43:33 PM
size, ink color, and font effects to customize your spe-
cial invitations.
As long as you keep your childs own style and
personality in mind when choosing their invitation,
you cant go wrong, says Ruth.
party plus studio
Caryn Sherry/Jennifer Maraldo
108 engle St.
englewood, NJ 07631
(201) 871-8860
jamsherry@aol.com
No malls necessary! Teachers gifts, hostess gifts, and
holiday gifts are all available at Party Plus Studio. Free
gift wrapping is available with purchase, and free park-
ing is available around the back of the store. New mer-
chandise arrives daily, and there are lots of designer
invitations to choose from.
priceless possessions
22-24 Morlot Avenue
Fair Lawn, NJ 07410
(201) 797-1818
https://www.facebook.com/pages/priceless-possessions-
Judaica/188326919419
Brianss Judaica gift store sells invitations for wed-
dings, bar-bats and other simchas. Any invitations
you choose from a sample book are 25% off, includ-
ing response cards, escort cards, informals, thank you
cards, direction cards, and whatever you need for your
party package. They offer Checkerboard, Birchcraft
Studios, Carlson Crafts, and Indelible Ink. Theres a
wide selection of Hebrew and English fonts, paper
stocks and envelope styles. The shop is open Monday-
Wednesday from 10-5:30, Thursdays until 8, Fridays
until 3, and Sundays from 11 to 5.
Visit their Facebook page to learn about specials
and hostess gift sales. They also sell personalized kip-
pot and other items, like benchers. Theres also a selec-
tion of gifts for your childs rabbi, tutor and other
people who have helped make your simcha a success.
Youre so invited!
260 Westwood Avenue
Westwood, NJ 07675
(201) 664-8600
http://www.youresoinvited.com
This shop, conveniently located in the heart of West-
wood, carries a full line of designer invites, including
Crane, Vera Wang, Checkerboard, Arlene Designs, Cest
Papier, Inc., Stacey Claire Boyd, The Lemon Tree.
They offer hundreds of different font styles and
sizes, paper and ink colors, so that you can design your
invitation to suit your childs personality and chosen
themes.
The shops original centerpieces feature fowers,
fabrics or balloons, or other objects for tablescapes.
They run from princessy pinks for the royal bat mitz-
vah girl, to basic baseball or other sports themes that
so many bar mitzvot go for.
Youre So Invited also offers additional services like
computer and hand-done calligraphy for envelopes
and collateral materials, like escort cards and place
cards. They will not type in your guest lists for address-
ing envelopes, but they will print them out for you,
and will remind you to proofread everything in the fle
before you send it to them.
Instructions on how to send your fles to Youre So
Invited are on the website, so it becomes easy for you
to provide them with what they need to make your
invitations perfect.
Experience the Elegance
Celebrate your Bar or Bat Mitzvah in our elegant ballroom and stately lobby,
set amidst lavish gardens and the historic homes of Rockleigh. Our unsurpassed personal service
and custom menus enhance the magic of your special day.
26 Paris Avenue Rockleigh, New Jersey 07647 Tel. 201-768-7171
www.therockleigh.net
JewStd_Bar_ad_080109.indd 1 2/22/08 3:43:33 PM
Winter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah s-12 Jewish Standard, Jewish Community news, rockland Jewish Federation reporter WINter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah
The gift of meaning
theSe ideaS For bar and bat mitzvah preSentS arent JuSt Fun
maSada siegel
e
very few months, we fnd ourselves behind the
newest gadget. Thats why gifts of technology
are a huge hit for bat and bar mitzvah gifts. But
while those gifts are useful and fun, perhaps the
best gifts especially in the spirit of the bar mitzvah
are those that are meaningful.
Rabbi Kenneth Brander, dean of the Center for
the Jewish Future at Yeshiva University, explains, The
whole idea behind a bar and bat mitzvah is not about
a fancy party, but about using this moment as an occa-
sion for parents to help their child realize that each
one of us can have our own unique relationship with
God.
While material gifts are often fun and fabulous,
there is a trend of focusing too much on the individual
and not on the spirit of the event that celebrates enter-
ing into adulthood and a greater community.
Society too often focuses on the I its the iPad,
iPod, iTouch, Brander says. Even the game Wii is
spelled with two Is. Today we design our own music,
our own coffee, everything. A bar or bat mitzvah young
person needs to realize life is about more than I.
There is our Jewish community and larger society and
by giving we grow and feel a sense of purpose.
Myra Schindler, program director of the Bureau of
Jewish Education in Scottsdale, Ariz., who has worked
directly with kids for 35 years, agrees.
Though diffcult in todays world, kids like physi-
cal contact; a pat on the back, hand shake, hug, or
kiss on the cheek, if appropriate, she says. They also
want an opportunity to be heard. We need to ask about
things they are interested in, pay attention, and then
ask about those things again when you meet up the
next time.
Here are a few ideas for meaningful gifts. They are
just some of the ways you can allow your bar or bat
mitzvah to engage with the depth of the experience.
Take a trip to Israel. One of the most powerful
connections to Judaism comes from spending time in
Israel. It is the ultimate way to connect with your roots
and watch history come alive. There are also a plethora
of trips to choose from.
Former archaeologist Danny Herman, (www.
dannythedigger.com), is known for his private tours,
which focus on ancient Jewish heritage sites. He even
personally participated in some of the excavations.
Herman explained I also conduct various extreme
activities, such as segway tours, but all in all aim to
develop affiliations with the Jewish people and the
land of Israel.
A tour that mixes action and education might be
perfect to suit the varying needs and interests of a fam-
ily.
If you are willing to wait a few years for the gift of
Israel, one of the most meaningful trips is the Alex-
ander Muss High School in Israel program. AMHSI
is a nonproft, study abroad program for high school
students. For eight weeks, students learn by traveling
to the actual site where history took place. Israel itself
becomes the classroom.
While students would have to wait a few years
to participate in this program, it has received rave
reviews. A recent participant, 16-year-old Talya Ehren-
stein, explains: This experience was a great way for
me to learn more about my Jewish roots and make
many new friends, as well as see historical sights and
have a lot of fun along the way. It changed my view of
Judaism and makes me want to go back!
Tikkun Olam: Every bar or bat mitzvah has differ-
ent interests, and there are many areas of need in the
world. Discuss locales across
the world in which your child
may have a particular interest,
and then fnd a program where
you can volunteer together as
well as plan some fun activities
on the side. Many programs
offer the opportunity to spend
time building homes or schools,
while also touring the country
and getting to know a new cul-
ture.
Fixing the world can be
completed in myriad ways. YUs
Brander explains: Each child is
different and through dialogue
with them we will find a spe-
cial way that the year or months
leading up to the bat/bar mitz-
vah can be a time in which our
bar/bat mitzvah child can begin
to realize their potential in liv-
ing a spiritual and meaningful
life a life of connection.
Donating to an organiza-
tion does not have to be a mere money event it can
be an interactive learning and growing experience of
understanding the power of giving and its positive
effects.
Many organizations have mitzvah projects. The
A young girl celebrates her birthday as part of the Birthday Angels Birthday party project. ruthie Sobel luttenberg.
Archaeologist and tour guide Danny herman takes his tour groups to ancient Jewish heritage
sites, many of which he had a part in excavating. courteSy of Danny herMan
Jewish Standard, Jewish Community news, rockland Jewish Federation reporter s-13 Winter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah WINter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah
BAR & BAT MITZVAH
Lessons in your home
Learn to read Hebrew
Cantor Barbra
201-818-4088
Off iciant for Baby Namings
Certified Cantor with 12+ years
of pulpit experience
MAGAZINE AD
0002441714-01
LIEBERSTEIN, BARBRA
Fri, Oct 24, 2008
1 cols, 2.13 x 2.50"
Process Free
Lisa Spadevecchia
Parent Paper
Carine
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Offciant at Bar/Bat Mitzvah Ceremonies,
Baby Namings and Weddings
201-818-4088 Cell: 201-788-6653
e-mail: cantorbarbra@aol.com
www.cantorbarbra.com
Cantor
Barbra Lieberstein
Certifed Cantor with
12+ years of pulpit experience
Private or
Small Group
Lessons in
Your Home
Learn to
read Hebrew
Having
an affair?
Mishelynes
Fashions
Come see the
Largest Selection
of Eveningwear
and Sportswear
885 Teaneck Road
Teaneck, NJ
201-862-9595
9:30 am - 6 pm
Closed on Monday
www.m-fashions.com
American Friends of Magen David Adom, for example,
have a program called the Red Bag of Courage. The
Red Bag is a replica of the paramedics kit which is
used by all MDA volunteer first responders when
racing to the scene of a medical emergency.
Participants raise $1,000 which is the price of
a fully outfitted red first responders bag filled with
emergency equipment that is used to save lives in Isra-
el. The organization thanks the participants by send-
ing them their own monogrammed red bag.
We teach our children, If you have saved a life you
have saved the world. So why not start by saving lives
in Israel?
To many young adults, a celebratory party is an
important part of the occasion. A way to spread the joy
is to ask for gifts for others. Birthday Angels Birthday
Party Project is a non-proft organization that provides
underprivileged children in Israel with their own birth-
day party (www.birthday-angels.org). Only $36 will buy
the party kit necessary to celebrate the childs birthday.
Director Ruthie Luttenberg explains: A $36 dona-
tion puts a million dollar smile on the face of a child.
There are not a lot of charities that make your dona-
tions go as far as this one. Our Circle of Giving is
designed to make a far-reaching difference in the lives
of literally thousands of children at a tiny cost! Because
we mass produce our party kits and recruit volunteers
to give the party, we bypass the most expensive costs
entailed in throwing a party.
Celebrate their Interests: The interests of chil-
dren are as varied as those of adults. Focus on their
strengths and introduce them to a new skill. If a child
is artistic, buy them a camera, but also enroll them in a
class on how to use the camera in different ways.
If a child is interested in sports, find a class, a
coach or a role model in the feld, and go together to
hear them speak or watch them play. Schools such
as the Lenny Krayzelburg Swim Academy, which is
located on both coasts, has many classes for kids. At
just about every ice rink in the country there are learn
to skate programs. Its just a matter of Googling your
childs interests and fnding a location near you.
Give the gift of adventure experiences like fying
in a wind tunnel, swimming with dolphins, or learn-
ing to surf, fgure skate or swim. Even money can be
an interactive gift if you teach your child the art of wise
investment. Find a stock, and watch the investment
grow and fall. Discuss why. All of these experiences are
fun and will give the skills and education that will last
a lifetime.
New skill sets build self-esteem and self-confi-
dence, and when parents, family, and friends actually
spend time with a young adult to foster their talents
and creativity, it makes a world of difference.
Brander explains: Its not about the gifts, it is
about creating a legacy which is the greatest gift a
parent can give a legacy of fulfllment and empow-
erment. Long after they are on their own and we are
no longer physically around to guide them this legacy
beginning with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah will help our chil-
dren navigate the tumultuous times in their lives.
Masada Siegel can be reached at fungirlcorrespondent@gmail.
com.
JointMedia News Service
Winter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah
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big bucks and pink thrones
The most over-the-top bar/bat mitzvahs
in recent history
a ChoColate FaCtory, a $27,000 gown, and mitzvahpalooza
alina dain sharon
Y
oung Benjamin Fiedler just returned from a lav-
ish Titanic-themed party held logically, though
maybe with a note of morbidity, on a cruise
ship. This was simply the bar mitzvah of his
friend Arnie Stein. As Benjamin also prepares to turn
thirteen, he can barely read his haftorah while trying
to fgure out what it means to become a man. Mean-
while, his parents nearly drive themselves crazy in an
attempt to outdo Steins event by renting Dodger Sta-
dium for Benjamins party. The ensuing events result
in hilarity.
If this sounds familiar, it is either because its the
plot of the 2006 film Keeping Up With The Steins,
or it rings all too true with your personal observa-
tions. Simple synagogue gatherings or house parties
with bubbe as the caterer are now a thing of the past.
Most bar and bat mitzvahs fit more comfortably in
the extravaganza category, but in recent years, some
have blown the rest right out of the water.
Here are the top fve most ridiculous bar/bat mitz-
vahs in recent years:
5. doompiTY doo
For a child that was particularly into Charlie and the
Chocolate Factory, a re-creation of the factory itself
is what he got. Pat James, a New York City event plan-
ner, recalled in a 2005 Washington Post interview, We
had a purple suit made for him, and we hired these
people to be Oompa Loompas and they came out and
danced. We had these trees with candy all over them,
with signs that said Do not eat. It was fantastic.
4. a bar miTzvah on lockdown
Financial scam artist Tuvia Stern hosted a bar mitz-
vah party for his son get this from behind bars.
He used his own kosher caterer to feed 60 guests and
entertained them in the jailhouse gym. Its outrageous
what transpired, said at least one objecting offcial
according to the New York Post. And yet corrections
offcers were actually paid overtime for the extra hours
it took to supervise this party.
3. mixing business wiTh bar miTzvah
Consider the Ridinger family. Bat mitzvah girl Amber
wore a $27,000 Dolce & Gabbana gown and 100,000
Steven tyler and Joe perry from Aerosmith allowed David Brooks nephew a turn at the drums during his cousins bat mitzvah. Daigooliva.
Alina Dain Sharon is the Assistant Editor of JointMedia News
Service.
Jewish Standard, Jewish Community news, rockland Jewish Federation reporter s-15 Winter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah
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crystals at her party at the Miami Beach
club the Forge, reported MTV. The
guests walked into the venue on a pink
carpet and partied to musical entertain-
ment by Ja Rule and Ashanti. The clubs
cellar was transformed into a candy
land with chocolate colored drapes.
Well, diamonds are a girls best
friend, Amber Ridinger said. Lets not
forget that every party can be a business
opportunity. The eighth-grader took
care to debut her line of club clothes,
Gossip, and her commercial perfume,
Amber No. 13.
2. bar miTzvah TweeTs
Jeff Zucker, former CEO of NBCUni-
versal, got Drake to sing at his sons bar
mitzvah for a relatively reasonable
price in comparison to the $1 million
Zucker almost shelled out for a perfor-
mance by Kanye West. Clearly, every-
one has limits. From sushi and rack of
lamb to asparagus and smoked salmon,
this feast was a culinary heaven, the
New York Post reported. Zucker enter-
tained his guests with a photo booth,
a bracelet-making lounge and an iPad
station where everyone could tweet to
the world about the greatest party on
earth in real time. Its an event guests
will remember every time they trot out
in the pair of customized Converse
sneakers they received as gifts.
1. miTzvahpalooza
In an event that had jaws dropping
across the country, multimillionaire
Long Island defense contractor David
H. Brooks booked two foors of a ban-
quet facility for the more-than-lavish
bat mitzvah of his daughter in 2005,
the New York Post reported. Dubbed,
Mitzvahpalooza, Brooks had a stage
built, brought in Jumbotron giant TV
screens, and installed special carpeting
for a concert most people would die for.
Names in the lineup included Ste-
ven Tyler and Joe Perry from Aerosmith,
The Eagles Don Henley and Joe Walsh,
Fleetwood Macs Steve Nicks, Tom Petty,
and so the younger crowd could
recognize a few names too DJ AM,
Ciara, and 50 Cent. Kenny G serenaded
the guests on sax during cocktail hour.
Apparently Tyler and Perry even tried to
humor Brooks when he jumped on stage
and demanded to let his nephew play
the drums. Guests left the event with
iPods and digital cameras in goodie bags.
The total cost for the blowout? A
cool $10 million. Five years later, Brooks
was found guilty of insider trading and
committing $185 million fraud using
his company, DHB Industries, to pay
for his personal expenses. At least his
daughter reaped some of the benefts?
Whatever kind of bar or bat mitz-
vah suits your style, one thing is for
sure: It is defnitely fun to see how its
(occasionally) done.
JointMedia News Service
rapper 50 Cent recently graced the stage at a bat mitzvah that made all others pale in comparison.
alex conSt.
s-16 Jewish Standard, Jewish Community news, rockland Jewish Federation reporter WINter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah
JaCob kamaras
F
luffy Shindler barks when
he sees Friday night can-
dles and understands that
on Shabbat its quieter than
usual around the house. It was only nat-
ural, then, for the Shindlers to throw
Fluffy a bark mitzvah.
About eight years ago in Mon-
sey, N.Y., the perceptive Bichon Frise
donned a yarmulke and placed his paw
on a Chumash (Bible) before 10 kids
and a few neighbors at the Shindler
household. The menu included cake for
the crowd, and for Fluffy, a cookie deco-
rated like a Torah scroll.
We didnt do a big spiel, but it was
cute, Wendy Shindler told JointMedia
News Service.
While Fluffys bark mitzvah was
low-key affair, some bark mitzvahs
have rivaled the extravagance of their
human-focused counterparts. That
was the case in December 2004, when
New York cabaret singer Mark Nadler
All dogs go to synagogue?
Some Jewish pet owners throw a bark mitzvah to celebrate their canines coming of age
treated his dog, Admiral Rufus K. Boom
(Boomie), to a party that included a
chopped liver sculpture, bartenders
and a lavish buffet in his Riverdale, N.Y.,
home.
According to the New York Times,
Boomies bark mitzvah featured yarmul-
kes for guests with the dogs name and
the date printed inside, as well as many
checks written for $50 or more as gifts
though some attendees gave Boomie
rawhide chews. The party invitations,
sent to dozens of friends, said the bark
mitzvahs purpose was to share a spe-
cial day in our lives when my dog,
Admiral Rufus K. Boom, will celebrate
his bark mitzvah in the tradition of our
ancestors.
In response to one guest who
claimed Boomie doesnt look Jewish,
Nadler responded he chanted his arf-
tara this afternoon, a play on the haf-
tara portion read at traditional bar mitz-
vahs, according to the New York Times.
In August 2008, David Best, CEO
of The Doctors Channel, organized a
$10,000 bark mitzvah for Elvis and 100
guests including celebrity sex thera-
pist Dr. Ruth Westheimer, according to
Fox News.
Footage of Elviss bark mitzvah on
YouTube (http://bit.ly/js-bark) shows
the canine motioning on the bimah in
a synagogue sanctuary, fanked by two
men serving as the gabbaim and stuffed
dogs watching in front as a human
reads the arf-tara in sync with Elviss
movements.
He has a great personality and
everyone loves him, David Best said of
Elvis, according to Fox News.
The bark mitzvah routine, however,
isnt always jovially received. Respond-
ing to a New York Times article in 1997
the year when the term bark mitz-
vah was first used Rabbi Charles
A. Kroloff of Temple Emanu-El in
Westfield, wrote a letter to the editor
expressing that the practice is nothing
less than a desecration of a cherished
Jewish tradition and degrades some of
the central principles of Jewish life.
I enjoy a good time as much as the
next person, Kroloff wrote, but not at
the expense of religious traditions that
need strengthening, not desecrating.
California-based author Shari
Cohen told JointMedia News Service
that she was exceptionally aware of
the concerns surrounding bark mitz-
vahs when writing Alfes Bark Mitzvah
(Five Star Publications, 2007), a chil-
drens book on the subject. She con-
sulted with Conservative rabbis on the
elvis Best performs his arf-tara at a bark
mitzvah in 2008. Molly kravitz
project, asking them if bark mitzvahs
were too much of a boundary pusher.
Most of the rabbis were enthusias-
tic about the idea of the book or at least
open to it, Cohen said, but a select few
told me what I already knew maybe
you should not go in this direction.
Therefore, Cohen said she was extra
careful before finalizing the book, re-
working it several times with publisher
Linda Radke.
Cohen, a longtime dog owner her-
self, said the goal of Alfes Bark Mitz-
vah is to teach kids about traditional
bar mitzvah themes in a fun and differ-
ent way. The book comes with a CD of
songs by Cantor Marcelo Gindlin, who
along with Cohen continues to promote
the book at fairs and synagogues five
years after it hit shelves.
I wanted to do [the book] not only
with warmth and humor and teach-
ing, but also with song, Cohen said,
explaining that she gave Alfe human-
like senses such as the nerves a bar
mitzvah boy feels before reading his
Torah portion.
The People for the Ethical Treat-
ment of Animals (PETA) slogan says ani-
mals are not ours to eat, wear, experi-
ment on, or use for entertainment, but
PETA does not condemn the bark mitz-
vah practice. On a webpage titled Lets
Have a Dog Party! (http://features.
peta.org/DogParty/photos.asp), PETA
asks Did Bingo get a bark mitzvah?
and encourages users to show every-
one how to throw a bash to bark about
by uploading their party photos.
Fluffy Shindler, now 9 years old
and living in Bergenfield, received his
bark mitzvah at the age of 1 and a half,
but most male dogs have been known
to celebrate the occasion at either 13
months or 13 years (the equivalent of 91
in dog years) old.
Despite Fluffys usual perceptive-
ness when it comes to Jewish tradition,
he merely barked and didnt under-
stand anything at the party, Wendy
Shindler said. It was more about simple
fun than anything else.
We thought it would be very cute
to do this for him, Shindler told Joint-
Media News Service.
JointMedia News Service
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The Mirth of the Bar Mitzvah
Stephen whiTField
T
hink of what might happen to the Jewish cal-
endar if literary scholars got their hands on it.
Tisha BAv would be classifed as a tragedy; Tu
Bi-Shvat would come under the heading of the
pastoral; and Yom Kippur could serve as a soliloquy.
But what would the bar mitzvah ceremony be? The
answer is obvious: a comedy.
There is something inherently amusing about
the rite of passage by which a 13-year-old dares to
assume the formal status of adulthood. There is some-
thing risible about that presumption, which is why
novelists like Philip Roth, with Portnoys Complaint
(1969), and Mordecai Richler, with Joshua Then and
Now (1980), fnd such rituals irresistible. Satirists also
seize an opening when this ceremony encourages the
most extravagant and prosperous among us to exhibit
excesses of spending and consumption.
Not that weddings have been spared the vulgari-
ties of indulgence and ostentation. But the statistical
possibility is high that nuptials may not inaugurate a
happily-ever-after union. They might also be a prelude
to divorce, acrimony, alimony, bitterness, and pain. By
contrast, the advantage of the bar mitzvah is its invita-
tion to the pleasure of youthfulness and unimpeded
promise, before frustration and failure will take their
toll. The onset of adolescence offers parents a chance
to demonstrate the lavishness of their love and their
hopes. And the ceremony gives their sons and daugh-
ters a chance to demonstrate the learning and
maybe even the interpretive prowess, eloquence and
wit that a community famously devoted to educa-
tion prizes.
Nor has the exuberance marking such religious
occasions escaped the rest of America. By the begin-
ning of this century, about eight decades after the frst
bat mitzvah ceremony (1922), the Wall Street Journal
reported that young gentiles in Dallas wanted to have
the parties their Jewish friends enjoyed. One girl even
told her Methodist parents that she wanted to be Jew-
ish, and was willing to study Hebrew, so that I could
have a bat mitzvah (January 14, 2004).
Filmmakers have not been far behind. The plot
of Keeping Up With the Steins (2006) is devoted
entirely to the competitive yearning to provide a truly
memorable, truly extravagant bar mitzvah celebration,
with pop star Neil Diamond risking self-parody by
providing the entertainment at the climax of Scot Mar-
shalls satiric flm. In A Serious Man (2009), the Coen
brothers made their Job-like protagonist coming up
for tenure even as his family is coming apart pose
existential problems for feckless rabbis even as his son
prepares for his big day, which somehow proves a tri-
umph after all.
When A Serious Man was first screened at
Brandeis University, both the leading actor (Michael
Stuhlbarg) and Aaron Wolff, who plays his son, felded
questions afterward. When asked about the cinematic
choice of the Torah portion, Wolff revealed that it was
what he actually recited in his own bar mitzvah cer-
emony. The young actor did not want to learn a new
portion. And in the British comedy directed by Paul
Weiland, Sixty Six (2006), even Helena Bonham Cart-
er got into the act, playing the mother of a bar mitzvah
boy in London.
Sometimes the occasion prefgures the career of
the adult. In 2008, obituary notices for Irvine Rob-
Directors and producers Joel (left) and ethan (right) Coen pose for photographs with actor and cast member Michael Stuhlbarg on the red
carpet as they arrive at the screening of their flm, A Serious Man, during the 4th annual rome Film Festival, oct. 22, 2009.
ePa/guiDa Montani.
Winter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah s-18 Jewish Standard, Jewish Community news, rockland Jewish Federation reporter WINter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah
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please join us as our daughter
is called to the torah as a
bat mitzvah
saturday, the sixth of april
two thousand twelve
eight in the morning
new city jewish center
new city, new york
Melissa and Daniel Samson

r.s.v.p
_____________________
cant wait to party!
sorry! cant make it
r.s.v.p
cant wait to party! sorry! cant make it
arty ime
can wait to party! sorry! can t make it
orry!
the celebration continues with
dinner and dancing saturday, the sixth of april 7:30 in the evening dellwood country club new city, new york
bins, the co-founder of Baskin-Robbins,
noted that, along with Burton Baskin,
he started their spectacularly successful
business with money he had saved from
his bar mitzvah. At the party after his
own bar mitzvah, Alan Stewart Konigs-
berg did a competent Al Jolson imita-
tion. Roughly a decade later, as Woody
Allen, he would be launched on a multi-
faceted, multi-talented show biz career
that would exemplify, even more than
Jolsons, the ambiguities of assimilation
in American Jewish life.
Or take Norman Mailers bar mitz-
vah speech, which recorded its authors
ambition to stand in the line of great
Jews like Moses Maimonides and Karl
Marx. And while the future novelist
and New Journalist famously resist-
ed, as he wrote in The Armies of the
Night (1968), the fatal taint of iden-
tity as the nice Jewish boy from Brooklyn, Mailer cer-
tainly resembled those earlier heroes in his proclivity
for making trouble.
The parents of Carl Bernstein were politically so
far to the left that the FBI copied down the license
plate numbers of the guests at his bar mitzvah. So
there is something ftting about the effectiveness of
Bernsteins reporting, while covering the Watergate cri-
sis for the Washington Post with Bob Woodward, of
the abuse of power. How apt as well that the frst girl at
the Lincoln Square Synagogue in New York to be asser-
tive and articulate enough to demand a bat mitzvah
turns out to have been a future Supreme Court justice,
Elena Kagan.
But the oddities and paradoxes from which com-
edy springs are most evident in
the gap between the awkwardness
of youth and the responsibilities of
adulthood. Humor is often about
discrepancy, because an erudite and
solemn adult was once a pisher who
stood on the bima and pretended to
be a grownup. Those who manage to
carve out lives of dignity and sobriety,
of achievement and eminence were
once, after all, only thirteen years
old. Because oaks were once acorns,
such differences can come across
as funny. We know that Rabbi Leo
Baeck spoke at the ceremony of the
future Princeton philosopher Walter
Kaufmann, and we know that Rabbi
Max Kadushin officiated when the
future Columbia critic Lionel Trilling
became bar mitzvah. But to imagine
what such academic luminaries were
like as kids is to experience a shock of recognition
they too went through the same motions that makes
us all kin.
The late Harvard sociologist Daniel Bell went one
better by telling a bar mitzvah joke on himself. Shortly
before he underwent the ritual of assuming manhood,
Bell confessed to the rabbi a disbelief in God. The
rabbi is supposed to have replied: Tell me something,
Danny. Do you think God really cares?
JointMedia News Service
Stephen J. Whitfield holds the Max Richter Chair in American
Civilization at Brandeis University and is the author of In
Search of American Jewish Culture (University Press of New
England, 1999).
its never too late: adult bar and bat mitzvahs
Bar and bat mitzvah celebrations arent just for kids
anymore, and havent been for quite sometime.
There are many older folks, who for one reason
or another were never able to be bnai mitzvah.
Perhaps bat mitzvot were non-existent or not per-
mitted when a woman was a girl, and perhaps a
boy, like a child Holocaust survivor, never had the
chance to celebrate his. In Orthodox Jewish circles,
men often celebrate a second bar mitzvah on their
83rd birthdays, because Pirkei Avot, Ethics of the
Fathers, says that the life expectancy of a male is 70,
so if you get past the next 13 years, you are celebrat-
ing a new life.
If you are an adult who has come back to Juda-
ism and wants to make a public commitment, if you
want to recommit to Judaism, or if you are someone
who was prevented from having a ceremony as a
child and you would like to have a bar/bat mitz-
vah think about your budget and style, talk to a
rabbi you are comfortable with and fnd out how
you can make your event special for you.
Many people like to go to Israel, to the Kotel,
to celebrate. Others may want to go back to Europe
and the places of their youth to celebrate theirs. Still
others want quiet, rather informal ceremonies at
their favorite congregations. All that prevents you
from making your bar/bat dream come true for you
is you.
-Jeanette Friedman
To be part of the next
Bar/Bat Magazine,
June 2012
call 201-837-8818.
Woody Allen
Jewish Standard, Jewish Community news, rockland Jewish Federation reporter s-19 Winter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah WINter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah
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Janie haas
a
bar or bat mitzvah is a
beautiful and powerful
time in a familys life. A
child has reached adult-
hood, and its one of the few
occasions when family and
friends come from across the
country (or world) to celebrate
together.
This time can also bump up
against the stress of party plan-
ning.
If you have always envi-
sioned a beautiful bar or bat mitzvah
for your son or daughter, but have been
dealt a blow by the current economy,
there are still ways to achieve your
vision.
There are many components that
make up a bar/bat mitzvah party, but
only a few that are really crucial: dcor,
music, venue, and food. Ill go through
each to discuss some great money-
saving techniques. The main thing to
remember is that if you are planning a
bar/bat mitzvah on a budget, be pre-
pared to be signifcantly involved.
dcor
You first need to find a specific piece
to work around, something thematic.
If your child has a particular passion
(music, sports, etc.), that may inform
your theme. I personally subscribe to
the mantra that bigger is better. A few
larger pieces that have great height,
color, and dimension fill space better
than lots of little things. So I usually tell
people who are on a limited budget to
do a couple of wow items and not get
caught up in minutiae
that will not pack a punch.
Many clients tell me
that their child is a typi-
cal 13-year-old with many
interests, but no particu-
lar passion. In that case,
color is a great tool. You
can get a lot of play by
taking a room and using
color strategically. Light-
ing works well to change
the ambiance of a room
in an inexpensive way. A white wall
instantly becomes hot pink, a stark
room becomes a winter wonderland in
ice blue.
There are also some clever ways to
decorate a room by doing it yourself,
thereby saving money on a decorator.
If Im looking for a little pop, Ill cover a
table with shiny black linen and throw
silver Hershey kisses down the center of
it. Simple, and it looks great.
A lot of people are interested in giv-
ing back, and you might organize your
centerpieces around the theme of tze-
dakah. For example, throw a burlap fab-
ric, or otherwise very textural linen on
the tables. Go apple picking with your
family, and fll your bushels to the brim
with different kinds of shiny apples.
This makes a beautiful centerpiece, and
you can attach a note to the effect of,
In honor of my bat mitzvah I will be
donating these apples to the local food
pantry.
I also once had a mother and
daughter bake cakes together. Each
table was then topped by a cake as the
the right lighting and one or two wow pieces can transform a room relatively inexpensively. tiffany
White
event planner Janie
haas. courteSy Janie
haaS
Bar and bat mitzvah on a budget
want to plan that beautiFul bar or bat mitzvah youve been dreaming oF, without breaking the bank? thiS guide will Show you how to Create a party to remember.
centerpiece. It was adorable, and a great
way for the family to infuse the event
with its personal touch.
The bottom line: People tend to
make the mistake of spending a lot of
money on smaller items, then see their
bill and are forced to backpedal. First
identify a theme, and then think of the
one or two items that will be your wow
factor. You can then use the smaller
items to illustrate that and drive the
theme home.
music
A really talented DJ is of paramount
importance. A DJ who keeps the kids
engaged and dancing all night long is
going to give them a really fun evening.
You dont need much else if the DJ is
talented and experienced. He will do
games and contests, or teach the kids
a dance. So if you dont have the extra
money to add kids activities, make sure
you choose a wonderful DJ.
Local talent is always less expen-
sive than bringing in people from other
locations, so look for DJs or bands in
your area. If you are really on a bare
bones budget, have a friend put togeth-
er a great playlist on a solid iPod sys-
tem, or do it yourself, but youll have to
arrange for a player and speakers.
venue/Food
Each venue comes with its own quirks
and deals. When looking for a venue
make sure to fnd out if it has a food and
beverage minimum, and what that buys
you. Sometimes its not a great pack-
age, and it would be wiser to bring in a
caterer.
Many temples have function spac-
es and charge very little. On the other
hand, dont rule out hotels. If its off-
s-20 Jewish Standard, Jewish Community news, rockland Jewish Federation reporter WINter 2012 Bar/bat mitzvah



Mazel Tov to all
The Bnei Mitzvot!
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season and a hotel has an empty ballroom, you may be
able to negotiate a low-cost package.
When it comes to food, you should be realistic
about the format for a party. Think luncheons, food
stations, or buffet not a four-course meal. There are
many interesting ways to present food. You can get a
lot of mileage out of fun street food pizzas, a noodle
bar, burgers. The kids will love it, and it will cost you
less.
Finding a venue that is closer to home school
gym, town hall, or college as well as a local vendor,
will always save you some money.
Quick Tips
After 35 years in the party-planning business, there are
a few tricks you learn:
Get a planner: Although it may seem counter-
intuitive, a planner can actually help you save money.
A good and experienced planner will help you stay
on budget, or let you know that what you want is not
realistic for your budget. A planner can help you estab-
lish priorities, within your number, and comes with a
working knowledge of what that number will buy you.
A planner will also have a Rolodex of different vendors
at different prices and know whom to call.
Remember the hidden costs: A lot of people forget
about extra costs. There is a 7 percent tax on food in
Massachusetts, 18-20 percent gratuity, and everyone
from the DJs to the chef might expect a tip. Fac-
tor this in when planning.
Use the Internet: The web is a great resource,
especially for favors. Edible favors are the least expen-
sive, and you can create custom labels or wrappers to
make it fun and personal. There are also a multitude of
promotional items, like t-shirts or drawstring bags that
you can fnd online now. Depending on the time of
year, there are frequent promotional sales, and things
will likely be cheaper when bought in bulk.
The imporTance oF branding
If you are really looking to have a lower-budget party,
make it less formal, and make it all about the kids.
You can do a simple and lovely lunch, and a kids
party at night. They dont really need much to have
a great time. Still invite your friends and family, but
the message should be: This is for the kids. With that
comes a very different expectation.
At the end of the day, your family and friends are
there to celebrate and share in your joy. You have to
be true to who you are, and to your child. You have to
know your child well.
An expensive party is also not necessary to wow
the guests. I recently saw a candle lighting that blew
me away. There was no cake, but each guest received
a light-up wand. Guests were called up in groups, and
instead of being asked to light a candle, lit their wands.
At the end, there were 210 twinkling lights; there wasnt
a person in the room who didnt have a lighted wand.
It was beautiful and inclusive.
Bar and bat mitzvahs can often be so generic that
the wow factor becomes what you do to make the
event meaningful. Identify the little thing that people
take away that is unique to your event. That, you can
do on any budget.
JointMedia News Service
Janie Haas, the founder and president of Janie Haas Events,
has been in the event planning business for over 35 years. She
specializes in events that do not follow a cookie cutter formula,
and has worked with a variety of clients, including the high
profile.