Encouraging Social Skills in Young Children: Tips Teachers Can Share with Parents

JACQUELYN MIZE ELLEN ABELL "I feel so sorry for her She'll ask other kids if she can play, and usually they just say, 'No, you're not our friend.' She's trying to be nice. What more can she do?" "My son seems to have gotten the idea that it's O.K. to terrorize younger children. Yesterday I saw him shove this other little boy, take a shovel he had, and then just ride off on his trike, leaving the other kid almost in tears." "Erika never joins in when other children are playing. She just watches, looking miserable and lonely, and I don't know what to say to help her" It is not unusual for parents who are concerned about their children's social skills to turn to preschool teachers for advice about what to do. Many a teacher has been approached by a parent looking for help to deal with a shy or aggressive or friendless child. Can teachers feel comfortable addressing parents' concerns? What kind of guidance can teachers give to these parents? The purpose of this article is to review current thinking about young children's peer relationships and offer ideas and practices that teachers can suggest to parents concerned about their children's social development. Parents have good reason to be uneasy when their children have trouble getting along with agemates. Peers afford preschoolers some of their most exciting, fun experiences. Not having friends or playmates can be frustrating, even painful, for young children. In addition, a growing body of research supports the belief, held by many early childhood professionals, that young children's peer relationships are important for their development and adjustment to school. Preschool-aged children who have positive peer relationships are likely to maintain positive peer interactions in grade school, while children who have a hard time getting along with agemates in the preschool years are more likely to experience later academic difficulties and rejection or neglect by their elementary-school peers (Ladd, 1990; Ladd & Price, 1987; Ladd, Price, & Hart, 1988). Without the skills to play constructively and develop friendships with agemates, children become excluded from opportunities to develop additional and more complex skills important for future peer interaction (Eisenberg, Cameron, Tryon, & Dodez, 1981; Howes, 1988). Socially Competent Preschoolers Picture the well-liked, friendly children in the preschool classrooms of your experience. What do you notice about their behavior that makes them different from less well-liked children? Most observers note the generally positive character of their interactions with other children Mize, 1995). Consider the following interaction between two four-year-old's: Ben is sitting inside a large innertube, wearing a firefighter helmet, when Jiin walks up and gives the innertube a nudge with his foot. "Hurry and get in the truck," Ben shouts excitedly. There's a fire and we gotta go put it out!" Jim gives the innertube another listless nudge with his foot and com- plains, "I don't wanna be a fireman, I wanna be a policeman." "I know,' offers Ben, "let's both be policemen and get the bad guys who started the fire." Ben removes his firefighter helmet and tosses it aside. Suddenly animated, Jim scrambles into the innertube with him. "I'll drive," he states. "Rrrrrrrrrrr," Ben replies, imitating the sound of a police siren.
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Ben ignored Jim's somewhat unpleasant manner and responded instead with enthusiastic and friendly suggestions. He did not react to Jim's negativity, but was instead agreeable and willing to be flexible. Children, like Ben, who have many such harmonious interactions with a variety of their preschool-aged peers are likely to be well-liked and accepted by them (Black & Logan, 1995; Hazen & Black, 1989). Agreeable children also are likely to find acceptance in subsequent peer settings, such as in kindergarten (Ladd & Price, 1987). While being agreeable certainly is a prerequisite to good peer relations, it alone is not sufficient. Socially competent preschoolers have started to develop additional, more sophisticated skills that they use to make play exciting and fun. These are skills that serve children well as they attempt to negotiate the increasingly complex world of peers. The first of these skills is the ability to tune-in to important features of the social context (Black & Hazen, 1990; Putallaz, 1987). Children are able to recognize other children's preferences, frame of reference, behavior, and interests and can adapt accordingly. Consider the following interaction among four- and five-year-olds: Elizabeth and Rachel are playing inside a cardboard playhouse. They have dolls which they periodically hold up to the cut-out windows and then, squealing, quickly pull down. Sarah walks over hoping to join in. "Can I play house?' she asks, "cause I have a doll, too." "We're not playing house!" Rachel in- forms her. "We're playing ghosts!" 'Yeah," Elizabeth chimes in. "It's Halloween and there's ghosts outside scaring us.""Anyway it's too crowded in here" adds Rachel. "Oh. Well, I could be a ghost," Sarah offers. 'No you can't," objects Rachel. "Ghosts are invisible." 'I know what," Sarah says, retrieving a nearby broom. "I'm the wicked witch." Sarah straddles the broom and circles the playhouse, cackling. "Eeeeeiaaiiil" Rachel and Elizabeth squeal excitedly. "There's a witch flying around our house!" Sarah gains eventual entree into Elizabeth's and Rachel's play because she was able to devise a strategy that was relevant to their interests - she didn't disrupt or change the play, she made it more fun. Even when they are trying to be positive, children who are less tuned in may suggest activities that are irrelevant to other children's interests, they may call attention to themselves, or they may do things that are disruptive to the play. No matter how nicely she had asked, had Sarah tried suggest that the girls play house instead of ghosts, she probably would have been met with rejection. But with a little bit of persistence and creativity on Sarah's part, the others were convinced that having her join the play would make it more fun. Although with too much persistence a child will be perceived as a nuisance, a little flexible persistence, like Sarah's, is useful. One of the realities of social life in preschool classrooms is that about half of children's requests to play are greeted with rejection by peers (Corsaro, 1981). As Sarah demonstrated, willingness to maintain social interactions by initiating an alternative in response to peers' rejections sometimes brings success (Hazen & Black, 1989). In contrast, a less competent child might have given up dejectedly, argued with her peers, or demanded that her peers play a different game. Not surprisingly, children who resort to antagonistic behaviors that disrupt the play of their peers often are rebuffed or ignored and generally are disliked (Pettit & Harrist, 1993). If one or two relevant, enthusiastic alternatives don't bring success, however, the competent child will wisely conclude that it might be best to try another day. In addition to being generally agreeable and well attuned to the social context, socially competent children are responsive and able to mesh their behavior with the behavior of their play partners (Mize, 1995). Emma and Nadia, dressed in hats, jewelry and high heels, and sitting on two chairs behind an old steering wheel are "driving" to McDonalds. Robert approaches and says, "Hey, I wanna drive!" "No, we're driving!" shouts Nadia. "Yea, the moms are driving," Emma answers, "you can ride in the back.' Like many competent preschoolers, Emma responded contingently to Robert's initiation, and even though she rejected his request to drive, she offered an alternative and an
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explanation. Observations of competent preschoolers indicate that they are more likely than their less competent peers to acknowledge and respond to others, and to offer an alternative or reinitiate even if they must reject a peer's play suggestion (Hazen & Black, 1989). Less competent children more often ignore others and have difficulty maintaining long, positive interactions. This sensitive responsivity helps competent children maintain longer play bouts without getting into disruptive disagreements. Thus, children who are socially competent are able to do more than merely behave in positive ways. They show a responsiveness and a sensitivity to the social context and to others. They are able to maintain positive contact and counter play rejections with alternative options. Knowledge of the characteristics of competent preschoolers can provide a solid grounding from which teachers can offer guidance to parents about children's peer relationships. Parental influence on children's social development It is widely believed that the everyday experiences in relationships with their parents are fundamental to children's developing social skills (Cohn, Patterson, & Christopoulous, 1991; Parke & Ladd, 1992). In particular, parental responsiveness and nurturance are considered to be key factors in the development of children's social competence (Maccoby & Martin, 1983). Loving and responsive parenting helps children to see the world in a positive way and to expect that relationships with others will be rewarding. Children who display high levels of social competence typically enjoy parent-child relationships characterized by positive and agreeable interactions, acceptance (Cohn, Patterson, & Christopoulous, 1991; Pettit & Mize, 1993; Putallaz, 1987), and sensitive behavioral exchanges in which parent and child respond to one another's cues (Harrist, Pettit, Dodge, & Bates, 1994; Pettit, Harrist, Bates & Dodge, 1991; Pettit & Harrist, 1993). Parents of competent children also minimize the use of physical punishment and coercive discipline (Dodge, Bates, & Pettit, 1990; Strassberg, Dodge, Pettit, & Bates, 1994). These styles of parent-child behavior are the foundation for children's social development. Often they reflect unexamined assumptions, values, and attitudes that a parent brings to childrearing. As such, suggesting a change in these fundamental patterns of interaction might be interpreted by parents as an attack on their values and competence. In addition, because they are so ingrained, basic qualities of the parent-child relationship are not likely to change based on an exchange with preschool staff. Specific steps parents can take to enhance children's social skills Provide children with opportunities to play with peers. There is no substitute for the experience children gain from interacting with peers. Children who have had many opportunities to play with peers from an early age are clearly at an advantage when they enter formal group settings such as daycare or public school (Ladd & Price, 1987; Lieberman, 1977). Children especially benefit when they can develop long- lasting relationships. Young children - even toddlers - who are able to participate in stable peer groups become more competent over time and have fewer difficulties than children whose peer group membership shifts (Howes,1988). In short, children develop better, more sophisticated social strategies when they are able to maintain stable relationships with other children they like over long periods. Play with children in a "peer- like' way, just for the sake of having fun. Children learn crucial skills through play with other children, but children also learn a great deal through play with their parents. Children whose parents frequently play with them have more advanced social skills and get along better with peers. This is especially true, however, when parents play with their children in an effectively positive and peer-like way (Lindsey, Mize, & Pettit, in press). Observational studies indicate that the
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parents of the most socially competent children laugh and smile often, avoid criticizing their child during play, are responsive to the child's ideas, and aren't too directive (MacDonald, 1987; MacDonald & Parke, 1984). Children gain important social skills from parents who play with them in ways that reflect equality in the play interaction. Consider the following parent-child play scene: Parent: Did you see these blocks? Child: Oh, blocks! Parent: What could we do? Child: I know! We could make like, a, uh, a big pen. Parent: A pen! O.K. Here, I'll start here, O.K.? Child: No, no. We gotta start way over here. Move it over here. Parent: Alright, I see, so it won't run into the sofa. Oh, but if I turn the block like this, the pen will be longer. Or should we have it taller? Child: Well, it's gotta be tall, so T-Rex can't jump it. Parent: (Picks up dinosaur: 'lopes' it along floor toward fence.) (In gruff voice) RRRRR.... I'm gonna jump the fence. Child: (Picks up another dinosaur figure, pushes it toward parents dinosaur.) But I'm T-Rex and I've got sharp teeth, so you better not stomp the fence. Here, here's a cow you can eat! (Throws small farm animal toward other dinosaur.) Parent: Chomp, chomp, chomp. Thank you Mr. T-REX. This parent didnt correct the child or try to dominate the play. Instead, the parent followed the child's ideas in an actively involved way and also contributed to advancing the 'story" of the play. The child, in turn, picked up on the parent's ideas, and thus the play escalated so that parent and child were just having fun playing as equals. Children benefit from this type of play for several reasons. From balanced, responsive play with a parent, children may learn many of the skills commonly displayed by the socially competent preschoolers described earlier. In addition, when parents are responsive to children's play ideas, children may come to feel that they are good, effective play partners and thus are eager to play with peers. Finally, fun, balanced parent-child play may instill that positive outlook toward others that makes children look forward to play opportunities with people outside the family. Talk with children about social relationships and values. Children who have more frequent conversations with a parent about peer relationships are better liked by other children in their classrooms and are rated by teachers as more socially competent (Laird, Pettit, Mize, & Lindsey, 1994). As a part of normal, daily conversation, these parents and children talk about the everyday events that happen in preschool, including things that happen with peers. Often these interactions take place on the way home from school or at dinner (Bradbard, Endsley, & Mize, 1992; Laird et al., 1994). Just how should parents handle these conversations, and what can they say that will make a difference? One of the most important points to make in this regard is that these talks are not lectures, but rather conversations enjoyed by both parent and child. As such, these conversations probably serve two purposes: They communicate to the child an interest in his or her well-being, and they also serve as a basis for information exchange and genuine problem solving. Take a problem-solving approach. Parents don't have to know the answers to all children's problems to talk to them in helpful ways. For example, a kindergarten child told her father of a girl in her class who she described as being "mean to everybody," and to whom everyone else was, in turn, "mean." In a conversational way, the father asked his daughter questions about what she thought night be happening between the other child and her classmates. Through the discussion, the daughter concluded that the
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child might be acting "mean" because she thought no one -in the class liked her and decided, as a gesture of goodwill, to draw a picture and give it to the unpopular child. This father didn't dismiss his daughter's concerns, or trivialize their complexity by offering an easy answer, and he didn't lecture her or quiz her. Instead, he engaged her in a conversation that offered her support to consider the problem for herself. When problem-solving, parents can help children consider various solutions and perspectives. In observations of mothers and fathers talking to their preschool children, we find that parents of the most competent children often consider with the child multiple approaches to situations and reflect on potential consequences of each course of action (Mize & Pettit, 1994): Mom: Hmmm, gosh, what if he grabs your truck again, what do you think you'll do? Child: I'd probably just whap him upside his head! Mom: You would? What'd he do, do you think, if you whapped him? Child: He'd give it back and never take it again! Mom: You think so? You don't think he'd just whap you back, and ya'll 'd get in a big ol' fight and then he wouldn't want to play with you again? Child: Oh, yea. Mom: What else could you try? Child: Say, "please?" Mom: That'd be a nice thing to try. Do you think itd work? Child: No. Mom: Well, maybe not. It might, but it might not, huh? Child: I could say, "I'll come get you when I'm done." Mom: Hey, that's an idea. That works sometimes with your sister, doesn't it? As teachers know, there are often no easy answers to most of childrens problems with peers. Therefore, it is helpful for children to learn how to think about relationships and weigh the consequences of their actions for themselves and others (Slaby, RoedeR, Arezo, & Hendrix, 1995). Of course, one of the most important factors to consider is the effects of any potential action on others. Children who are encouraged to think in terms of others' feelings and needs are more positive and prosocial with peers (Zahn-Waxler, Radke-Yarrow, & King, 1979), and children whose parents talk with them more often about emotions are better liked by their kindergarten peers (Laird, et al., 1994). Endorse positive, relevant strategies. While its a good idea to problem-solve by helping children consider various options and perspectives, a parent does not need to treat all potential solutions as equally good. We have found that parents of competent children, like the mother in the preceding example, talk about various options but endorse friendly, prosocial strategies that leave the door open to play or friendship. Children react more positively to peers who try to solve problems by negotiation or compromise rather than through tattling, aggression, or verbal coercion ("I won't play with you anymore' or "I won't be your friend") (Crick & Grotepeter, 1995). Parents can help their children develop these skills through conversations such as the following, in which a mother and her four-year-old talk about how he could gain acceptance by a pair of children pretending to cook and wearing the classrooms only two chefs hats: Child: I'd say, "Could I cook, too, please." Mom: That'd be nice. But what if they want to keep cooking? Child: Uh, I would just go play by myself. Mom: Sure, you could do that. But, there's a table and some dishes. What happens when you go to a restaurant? When you want something to eat? Child: You say, "Bring me a hamburger!"
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Mom: Yeah! Maybe you could be a customer and order dinner? Child: Oh, yea. Notice that this strategy is not only friendly, it is relevant (it fits) with the other children's interests (see Finnie & Russell, 1988; Russell & Finnie, 1990). Reflect a positive, resilient attitude toward social setbacks. As previously mentioned, exclusion by peers is a fact of preschoolers' lives (Corsaro, 1981). Children have different reactions to these rejections, ranging from anger to acceptance. Some children come to believe that others are "out to get them," or that other people are just generally mean. These children are likely to react with aggression and hostility to mild slights by peers (Dodge, Pettit, McClaskey, & Brown, 1986). Other children may assume that these rejections are caused by an enduring, personal deficiency ("I'm just not much fun," "Other kids don't like me"), and are likely to withdraw from further peer interaction (Goetz & Dweck, 1980). Socially competent children, in contrast, tend to explain these rejections as temporary or in ways that recognize that a social situation can be improved by changing their own behavior (I'll have to talk louder so they hear," or "I'll try to be friendlier next time"). Sometimes these children recognize that the situation itself led to the rejection, such as the child whose request to play was refused by two of his peers. "Well, of course I couldn't play," he said, "I should have noticed they only had two trucks!" Parents of these socially competent children endorse interpretations of social events that encourage resilient, constructive attitudes (Mize, Pettit, Lindsey, & Laird, 1993). Rather than making a statement such as, "That's a really mean kid!" they may say something like, "Gosh, maybe he's having a hard day." They make constructive attributions such as, "Sometimes kids just want to play by themselves," rather than expressing a sentiment like, 'They're not very nice if they won't let you play." These parents avoid defeatist comments such as "Maybe they don't like you," and offer instead suggestions like, "Maybe they don't want to play that, but there might be something else they think is fun." Such positive, constructive statements encourage children to take an optimistic view of others and themselves as play partners. They reflect an upbeat, resilient attitude toward social setbacks and the belief that social situations can be improved with effort and positive behavior. Intervene when necessary, but let older preschoolers work out problems themselves when possible. The preceding suggestions may convey the impression that parents and caregivers of socially competent children must spend all of their time strategically engineering peer play opportunities and looking for chances to talk to children about relationship values. This is not the case, however. While parents of competent preschoolers do take the time to structure play opportunities and assist their children in interpreting their play experiences, they do not interfere in children's ongoing play unless it is necessary. Indeed, research indicates that a gradual disengagement of parents from involvement in young children's play with peers is beneficial. While toddlers need an adult supervisor present most of the time, and, in fact, often play in more sophisticated ways when an adult is present to facilitate their interaction (Bhavnagri & Parke, 1991), as children get older, they benefit from trying to work things out during play on their own (Slaby et al, 1995). A parents presence and involvement does not benefit older preschoolers (Bhavnagri & Parke, 199 1; Parke & Bhavnagri, 1989), and may actually interfere with children's development of social skills (Ladd & Golter, 1988). Preschool teachers often find themselves in the position of giving advice to parents about children's social skills. The research-based information presented here is intended to offer teachers solid footing for their counsel. In summary, recommendations could focus on any of three different areas. First, teachers can help parents realize that children need practice to fully develop their social skills, and that children get their practice from playing both with other children and with their parents. Teachers can suggest that parents provide opportunities for their children to develop stable relationships with other children. Most adults can be reminded that they are more relaxed and have more fun when they are with
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people they know well, and they can see that this is true for children as well. Teachers can also suggest that parents take the time to play as equal partners with their children. By following their children's lead, maintaining a positive, non-competitive attitude, and having fun together, parents will help children develop a positive attitude toward themselves and others as play partners. Second, teachers can suggest to parents that they find ways to offer their children helpful information about how social relationships work. Casual discussions about the events of the day can sometimes lead to conversations in which parents guide children to consider the reasons for peers' behaviors and various options for responding. Discussions that occur when children are interested and that use a problemsolving approach are likely to be most helpful. Finally, teachers can point out to parents how important a positive attitude is for getting along with others. Most adults can relate to the fact that it is easier to behave in a friendly way when one has a positive attitude toward others, the situation, and oneself. Children benefit when adults offer them positive ways to interpret the events that are a part of their daily lives. Childrens social competence with peers is an important aspect of their social development. Teachers and parents who are aware of the elements of social competence in preschool-aged children can encourage and nurture these skills. Footnotes 1. Many of the following suggestions and descriptions of parenting come from a series of studies we and our colleagues have conducted on how parents help children learn social skills. In these studies, we have observed parents and children playing together (Lindsey, Mize, & Pettit, (in press); Brown, Pettit, Mize & Lindsey, 1995) and we have watched as parents supervise the play of their own children and one or more peers (Brown et Al., 1995; Mize, Pettit, & Brown, 1995; Pettit & Mize, 1993). We have also conducted interviews with parents (Laird, Pettit, Mize, & Lindsey, 1994) and we have observed parents as they talk to their children about social problem dilemmas presented in videotape vignettes (Brown et al., 1995; Mize & Pettit, 1994; Pettit & Mize, 1993). Jacquelyn Mize, Ph.D., is an associate professor in the Department of Family and Child Development at Auburn University, Auburn, Alabama. Ellen Abell, Ph.D., is an extension family and child development specialist and assistant professor in the Department of Family and Child Development at Auburn University, Auburn, Alabama.

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Promoting Friendships for Preschool Children with Special Needs

by Judith S. Bloch, ACSW

IntroductionFriendships matter

Friendships, the bonds that children develop with important peers in their lives, bring pleasure, comfort, sometimes distress, and almost always important opportunities to learn and develop in a social world. In fact, establishing relationships with other children is one of the major developmental tasks of early childhood.1 Friends, even in the toddler stage, can help children feel good about themselves, adapt more easily to childcare settings and build self confidence. But some children endure painful experiences of being excluded, teased, or shamed. Such experiences can lead to feelings that are damaging to a child's self esteem, create anxiety, interfere with learning and contribute to loneliness.2 Some kids seem to be born with a distinct social talent that allows for friendship formation; others have to be taught how to relate, notes Dr. Mel Levine, a specialist in child development. In between are large numbers of young children who will benefit from planned opportunities to improve their ability to enjoy and play peacefully and cooperatively with age-mates.
What about kids with special needs?

Children with special needs (those with developmental, emotional, physical or learning difficulties) are often at risk for difficulties in social-emotional development. Many of these toddlers and preschoolers seem to lack the social and language skills needed to initiate or maintain age-mate relationships. Some have personal characteristics or personal styles that keep them isolated or contribute to rejection from peers, and have no idea that their own behavior is part of the problem. For example, children with an autistic disorder are impaired in their ability to interact with others, often preferring solitary, repetitive activities. They need support in order to participate in social games or activities. While children with a diagnosis of ADHD may be quite social and interested in peers, their low frustration tolerance, impulsivity, temper outbursts, and bossiness are qualities that often interfere with friendships. Unfortunately, children with special needs are the least preferred partners of children with more typical development, and are sometimes humiliated, harassed and deliberately excluded, or even the victims of bullies. Many of these children are clearly in need of specialized intervention if they are to have success with peer relationships.
The critical early yearsInterventions make a difference

A number of studies provide evidence that an early emphasis on social competence through appropriate interventions can offset possible risks due to the childs biology, environment, temperament, learning or emotional problems.1, 4 Since we know that early friendships for all children begin through play, providing frequent and appropriate play experiences with compatible agemates could help youngsters with limited or poor social behaviors. With planning, early social behaviors and skills to enhance peer relationships can be promoted in all settings involving children, including:
y y y y

inclusive childcare or preschool settings center-based settings therapy sessions (e.g., speech, occupational therapy, physical therapy) home and community
Some questions about incorporating social-emotional goals in preschool

Unfortunately, the placement of children with special needs in self-contained or inclusionary settings, or individual therapies, is usually not designed to help children deal with the important developmental task of establishing peer relationships. Page | 8

Given the importance of promoting social-emotional competence as early as possible, it is important to recognize when friendship difficulties are not only a part of growing up or a temperamental variable, but a sign that basic feelings and skills that are required to make friends are missing or not developing appropriately. The following questions should be considered in the planning successful interventions:
y y y y y y y y y

What social goals can be expected of preschool programs offering services to children with special needs? When should difficulties with age-mates, disinterest, or fighting become a concern? When and how should concerns about social development and skills be identified and addressed? What is the best way to balance traditional assumptions about the priority of cognition or language? Should interventions to address important social-emotional competencies be delayed? Can social-emotional competence and a specific skill such as language be addressed simultaneously? Can the nature and quality of peer relationships be nurtured and strengthened? Do the staff, teachers, and related therapists understand the value of social-emotional attributes and have the skills to use their knowledge to accomplish multiple goals? How can the environment in the general school setting and the approach during therapy time be coordinated to include the goal of enhancing the childs social relationships?
Some possible answers

An integrated approach is ideal for promoting social-emotional development in children with special needs at the preschool level. Many established models of intervention in which "different team members perform largely independently is antithetical to recommended practices in EI/ECSE"[Early Intervention/Early Childhood Special Education].5In addition, it has been argued that efforts should be intensified to develop ways of "enhancing the peer competence of children with disabilities with special emphasis on unstructured situations in which exclusion occurs most frequently".6 Following are possible ways to pursue this goal: Creating a Pro-Social Environment Interventions in small group settings can be exceptionally potent. It is within a small group that teachers and related therapists can observe and provide experiences in which the child works out problems and feelings that interfere with relationships as they occur or immediately after the event. A group experience is often a child's main social experience in life, after home. The child's responses to this worldadults, peers, specific activities, and materialsprovide significant data which enable teachers and related therapists to understand him/her better. The child's temperament, learning, coping style, as well as relationship patterns, are all demonstrated in the interactions with adults and age-mates. Adult responses that are not verbalizations about past behavior or even anticipated behavior but are immediate on-the-spot interactions may result in alternative responses and solutions that are useful to the children involved. The selection of activities and curriculum, the use of materials and space, and most importantly, the adult's approach and reactions to behavior are major considerations. And, interventions that promote peer interaction are even more effective when coordinated and implemented across settings; in related services by therapists and at home by families. Designing curriculums with two goals The traditional preschool programs for children with special needs usually recommend individual therapies; a one-to-one relationship with an adult and a specific focus on one domain of development, e.g., speech, motor, sensory. Such an approach misses an important opportunity to promote and reinforce social competencies, neglecting the fact that these children are less likely to Page | 9

have experiences which foster peer interaction. It is, however, possible to achieve both objectives improved skill development and positive social developmentif we re-visit the early intervention and preschool systems and their untapped potential to promote social-emotional competence and early friendships.7 Since social competence and language are closely related, curriculums that will achieve two goals may be designed so the children can interact, prompt, and motivate each other to participate in the activity and, at the same time, achieve their therapy goal. A comprehensive program that would utilize the best of individualized targeted intervention and interactive peer intervention would include the following aspects: 1. Initiation of individual language therapy to give the therapist time to assess the child and draw upon the discipline's specialized knowledge to set instructional objectives. 2. Observation of the child in the group setting provides an opportunity for the therapist to get to know the child and later conference with the teacher so that "match-making" with an appropriate peer can begin. 3. Creation of pairs and small groups in which activities are designed that will prompt reciprocity through the use of the children's spontaneous interests and responses to each other and their therapist. 4. Identification of learning objectives in order to plan strategies and anticipate behaviors that address both the relationship priority and the domain-specific developmental goal. 5. At the same time, the teacher in the classroom, through curriculum and play, offers "social skills lessons" designed to promote successful peer exchanges and reinforce relationships developed during therapies. Increasing Social Inclusion: Case example Following is the story of Joseph, which illustrates the way concepts of social inclusion were applied to help a classified child in an inclusionary program receiving Special Education Itinerant Teacher (SEIT)8 services and speech therapy. Joseph, diagnosed with a disorder on the spectrum of autism and pervasive developmental disorder, had no apparent interest in his classmates and a great deal of interest in small cars and trains which he chose to play with in a limited and repetitive pattern whenever he could. He also had strong visual skills but limited and delayed language skills. It was obvious that Joseph could not yet reach out to approach another child and would not be responsive to the usual approach by a classmate. On the other hand, Joseph was a compliant child with a readiness to accept the proximity of a classmate and a capacity to learn. A plan was developed by the two teachers (regular nursery and SEIT) and speech therapist to use his play interest to begin the friend-making process. Since Joseph was not the only boy who loved trains, his preoccupation attracted Anthony, who was not a child with special needs, and created an opportunity for peer interaction during free play. The teacher built upon the boys' shared interest in small trains by preparing a train station for them, adding dolls (conductors and passengers), and expanding on the materials and equipment. At first, Joseph simply tolerated Anthony's proximity. He became attentive to Anthony when he brought equipment that the staff knew (from mom) that Joseph had at home or that was new and selected to stir interest. A reading program using sight picture words of high interest, e.g., train, caboose, etc., and stories on the same theme supplemented the play. Fortunately, Anthony also shared Joseph's interest in pictures and words. Icons and pictures that were used to help Joseph were of value to Anthony, promoting his preemerging literacy skills. As a more related child, with more appropriate social behavior, he could be relied upon to respond to the teacher's introduction of new materials, suggestions for interactions, and a more stimulating use of the play environment. At the same time, the children's relationship was additionally supported by the staff's non-intrusive verbal or non-verbal assistance. In order to prepare both children for the daily routines at school, speech therapy sessions together, and their play time, photos and then icons (picture symbols) were paired with words (which they Page | 10

recognized) to show the schedule; i.e., first, we arrive by bus, enter our class; then you will play with the trains and later see the speech therapist. Cards and pictures clarified the sequence of events and served to remind and prepare them for transitions. And, most importantly, both children were helped through the use of pictures (always with words underneath) to understand expectations. The team's use of photos, icons, and pictorial representations increased the children's understanding of the daily school schedule and helped them anticipate and respond to each other during interactive play periods which took place in class as well as in the speech therapy. Both Joseph's and Anthony's mothers supported their efforts. At home, they:
y y y y

used pictures to identify feelings and moods read and discussed appropriate friendship stories helped find suitable playmates (choosing others, with or without disabilities, who seem compatible) encouraged twosomes and play dates (noticing common interests and potential matches)
Conclusions

The approach to building friendship skills in preschoolers with special needs proposed in this article emphasizes three inter-related ideas. One, the classroom as the main therapeutic milieu, and, consequently, the teacher or teachers are responsible for creating a beneficial environment. Two, the related services therapist (in this instance, the speech therapist) has dual tasks. The therapist should use his/her specialized knowledge and skill to assess, establish goals and interventions to help the child achieve domain-specific speech IEP objectives. Additionally, therapists can promote the transfer of this learning into more effective classroom performance in two areas: language and social competence. Integrating both aspects is the challenge. Three, this beneficial classroom ecology requires that the teacher(s), the related therapist(s), and parent(s) continuously inform each other and collaborate, e.g., the teacher incorporating strategies and promoting dyads developed through observations and team planning, the related therapist incorporating peer relationships and interpersonal work into her specialty as she observes the teacher carrying out classroom activities, and the parent incorporating ideas and interventions at home and in the community whenever possible. Facilities that serve preschool children with disabilities, either in inclusionary or self- contained settings, have an obligation to provide experiences that promote the social-emotional competencies needed for children to have successful peer relationships and to facilitate the children's inclusion in as many settings as possible. An approach that provides frequent and appropriate play experiences in settings that include children with disabilities increases the likelihood that they will learn, generalize new behaviors, maintain skills, and hopefully, make new and lasting friends.
About the Author
Judith S. Bloch, ACSW, is the Founder and CEO of Variety Child Learning Center (VCLC), in Syosset, NY, which provides training, evaluations, early intervention and special education for infants and children to age 7.

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10 Kindergarten Readiness Skills Your Child Needs

By Traci Geiser What do teachers really want your child to know on the first day of kindergarten ? Kindergarten is changing and parents are feeling pressure to prepare their children for their first school experience. But while some may fret that reading and doing addition are prerequisites for kindergarten these days, your child likely possesses many of the skills she needs to be successful as she begins school. Some of the things I would like my kids to know coming into kindergarten are their letters and some sounds, recognition of numbers 1-10, be able to write and recognize their name and be able to cut with scissors, says kindergarten teacher Nicole Barton. It is also important for them to be able to follow directions and to have the ability to express their feelings. Here are the 10 kindergarten readiness skills to focus on as you work on with your child. Don't be concerned if she does not have them all down before the first day of kindergarten, as she will continue to work on them throughout the year. Try a few activities listed for the skills your child might need to work on a bit more before she starts school. 1. Writing y Help your child practice writing letters, especially the letters in her name. y Teach your child how to write her name with an uppercase first letter and the remaining letters in lowercase. y Write in shaving cream in the bathtub, salt or sugar in a cake pan or in finger paint to make practicing more fun and multisensory. 2. Letter Recognition y Play games to help your child recognize some letters of the alphabet. y Play hide and seek with refrigerator magnets. y Rather than drilling your child with flashcards, use them to play a game of alphabet go fish. 3. Beginning Sounds y Make your child aware of the sound that each letter makes. y Find items around the house that begin with the same sound and identify the letter that makes each sound. y Overemphasize the first sound in words to help your child hear the individual sounds in words. 4. Number Recognition and Counting y Count throughout the day (for example, the crackers she is eating for snack or the socks in that you take out of the dryer). y Point out numbers you see in your environment and have your child name them (for example, the numbers found on food boxes or street signs). 5. Shapes and Colors y If your child is having trouble recognizing certain colors, you might add a little food coloring to cookie dough, milk or vanilla pudding to emphasize those colors. y Help your child recognize more difficult shapes such as diamonds and rectangles by showing her how to draw them on paper and cut them out.
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Play games in which your child finds objects of particular colors and shapes around the house or in the neighborhood as you drive.

6. Fine Motor Skills y Give your child several different writing options (colored pencils, crayons or markers) to help keep her interested in writing and drawing. y Playing with play dough is a fun way to strengthen the muscles of the hand that will be used for writing. 7. Cutting y Purchase a good pair of child-safe scissors and let your child practice. y Give her old magazines or newspapers to cut up, or allow her to make a collage of the things she likes by cutting them from magazines and gluing them to a piece of paper. y Cutting play dough is also fun for children. 8. Reading Readiness y Run your finger under the words as you read to your child to help her learn that words go from left to right and top to bottom. y Play games with rhyming words to help your child hear similar sounds in words. For example, as you are going up the stairs, name one word that rhymes with cat for each step as you go up. 9. Attention and Following Directions y Read lots of stories with your child and work up to reading longer chapter books, one chapter each night or as long as she remains interested and focused. y Give your child two and three step directions. For example: "put on your pajamas, brush your teeth and pick a book to read." y Play Simon Says with two or three step directions. For example: "Simon Says jump up and down and shout hooray." 10. Social Skills y Give your children opportunities to interact with other children in preschool, church or social groups or play dates. y Teach your child how to express her feelings if she doesnt like something. y Role-play different situations she might experience on the playground or at school. Help her find solutions for typical problems she might encounter. Chances are you're already practicing many of these skills your child will need for kindergarten. Remember to keep it fun and dont make it stressful for you or your child. With just a little fun practice, your child will be prepared for her elementary school debut!

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Top 10 Signs of a Good Kindergarten Classroom

Kindergarten is a time for children to expand their love of learning, their general knowledge, their ability to get along with others, and their interest in reaching out to the world. While kindergarten marks an important transition from preschool to the primary grades, it is important that children still get to be children -- getting kindergarteners ready for elementary school does not mean substituting academics for play time, forcing children to master first grade "skills," or relying on standardized tests to assess children's success. Kindergarten "curriculum" actually includes such events as snack time, recess, and individual and group activities in addition to those activities we think of as traditionally educational. Developmentally appropriate kindergarten classrooms encourage the growth of children's selfesteem, their cultural identities, their independence and their individual strengths. Kindergarten children will continue to develop control of their own behavior through the guidance and support of warm, caring adults. At this stage, children are already eager to learn and possess an innate curiosity. Teachers with a strong background in early childhood education and child development can best provide for children what they need to grow physically, emotionally, and intellectually. Here are 10 signs of a good kindergarten classroom: 1. Children are playing and working with materials or other children. They are not aimlessly wandering or forced to sit quietly for long periods of time. 2. Children have access to various activities throughout the day, such as block building, pretend play, picture books, paints and other art materials, and table toys such as legos, pegboards, and puzzles. Children are not all doing the same things at the same time. 3. Teachers work with individual children, small groups, and the whole group at different times during the day. They do not spend time only with the entire group. 4. The classroom is decorated with childrens original artwork, their own writing with invented spelling, and dictated stories. 5. Children learn numbers and the alphabet in the context of their everyday experiences. Exploring the natural world of plants and animals, cooking, taking attendance, and serving snack are all meaningful activities to children. 6. Children work on projects and have long periods of time (at least one hour) to play and explore. Filling out worksheets should not be their primary activity. 7. Children have an opportunity to play outside every day that weather permits. This play is never sacrificed for more instructional time. 8. Teachers read books to children throughout the day, not just at group story time. 9. Curriculum is adapted for those who are ahead as well as those who need additional help. Because children differ in experiences and background, they do not learn the same things at the same time in the same way. 10. Children and their parents look forward to school. Parents feel safe sending their child to kindergarten. Children are happy; they are not crying or regularly sick. Individual kindergarten classrooms will vary, and curriculum will vary according to the interests and backgrounds of the children. But all developmentally appropriate kindergarten classrooms will have one thing in common: the focus will be on the development of the child as a whole. Page | 14