My name is Don and my wife's name is Carla.

We have been married for eight and a half years and have an eight year old son, Steve, and a four year old daughter Lori. Yes that is right, Carla was pregnant when we got married and Steve arrived six months after the wedding. None of our friends or family really cared that much about the fact that we had to get married except for Carla's mother and father. They were of course very disappointed in their daughter but made sure that everyone knew the real blame was mine. I was the bad guy that talked their little girl into having sex before she got married, I was the jerk that got her pregnant and am the lowlife who destroyed all of her opportunities. I have never measured up to the man they wanted to marry their daughter and I never would. They think she had to settle for me. Now how would that make you feel? It made me feel awful. Of course, I did do exactly what they say I did. I did convince her to have sex with me and I did take her virginity. That is all true, but I have to tell you that young Carla was hot to do everything I wanted to do. She was a very willing participant and I feel no shame in what we did together. It was fantastic and we both loved it. As far as I am concerned her parents can just stuff it with all that blame talk. I love their daughter more than they could hope for from any man and she knows it but her mother and father will never realize that. They cannot get past her getting pregnant. Nothing I have done, or ever could do, will bring them around. I will be the bad guy until they die. Carla and I met when she was a senior in high school in Chicago Heights and I was in my second year of college at The University of Illinois at Champaign . I knew she was the one for me the moment I met her. We became a couple very soon into our relationship and just seemed to connect. I took her virginity about one month after we started going together and we would make love almost every time we got together after that. Once Carla graduated from high school she lived at home with her mother and father and worked at a Chase Manhattan bank as a teller. I saw her almost every weekend either in Chicago Heights

or in Oak Lawn where my parents lived. I had one year to go in college when I found out she was two months pregnant. We planned the wedding for as soon as possible, got married in November and as I said, Steve arrived six months later in May. I got my degree two weeks after Steve was born and took a job in airport security at O'Hare Airport. Carla had continued to live with her mother and father until I graduated and got my job. We had our apartment all set in Des Plains and moved in the weekend after I graduated. It was wonderful to finally be together as a family. For the next eight years things were wonderful, the jobs got better, we bought a house, Steve was growing like a weed, our marital life was great, our sex life was great, Lori came along and both of the kids grew like weeds. We were happy. There were more promotions, more money and more happiness. But, I suppose I should get on with the reason I am writing this story. All that happiness was going to change. In fact I went through a number of very unhappy months in my life. My wife and I had been having a little bit of a battle about who is keeping whom from getting enough sleep. I tell her that she snores and wakes me up and she says the same thing about me. She will not believe that she snores at all, but she has the most unnerving squeaky little snore that never fails to wake me up and once that happens I listen to her squeak for an hour before she stops and I can go back to sleep. I know I probably do snore because I catch myself doing it once in a while and I suppose she does lose sleep too, but it is this bad guy thing all over again. It frustrates me that she thinks it is only my fault, it just rubs me the wrong way. I take enough of that shit from her parents that I don't feel I should have to take it from her too. To help solve the problem, I brought home a voice activated recorder from work and set it up on the night stand next to our bed. I laughed and told Carla that we would just see who snores and who doesn't. The next morning we both woke up at the same time and after a good morning kiss we rewound the tape and listened. Sure enough there was my chain saw snoring as loud as you please and she pointed a finger at me and said, "See what I have to put up with?" Of course it didn't take too long before you could

distinctly hear the squeak, squeak, squeak of her snoring too in the lulls between my chain saw. Carla gasped and looked at me with such a shocked look that I just had to laugh. She said, "Oh my gosh, I am awful!" With that we both burst out laughing and she said, "Honey, we both have to work on this so we don't drive each other out of the bedroom." I agreed, "Yes, you certainly do need to work on that squeak." I was just glad to not be the bad guy all by myself again. She whacked me on the arm and said, "Honey, I am sorry I laid all the blame on you, I can see now that we are equally guilty." I pulled her to me and we had a very warm and loving kiss, hug and of course I copped a number of rather intimate feels. But, she didn't complain. By the time that we finished the kids were both awake and we both ended up being late for work. Of course you all know what happens next. The recorder was forgotten. A couple of days go by. She asks me to come home early to stay with the kids because she has a meeting at the bank. I notice the recorder. I grin to myself about my proof that she snores. I just have to hear it again so I rewind and play the tape. I listen to us the next morning and get all turned on listening to us make love. And of course I go beyond that and you already know the basics of what I heard next. She betrayed me in our marital bed. She fucked another man in our bed. Not much else to say. As soon as I knew what was on the tape I called our neighbor Judy and asked her if she would mind watching the kids for a while because I had a big work project I needed to concentrate on. She had nothing going on so she said she would be happy to do that for me. I walked them over and told them to be good for Judy and that I would come get them when I had dinner ready. They were more than happy to stay by Judy and play with her two kids who were almost identical in age. When I got back upstairs in the bedroom I resumed listening to the tape. "Oh my god Steve, it has been too long again since you fucked me. I have missed that big cock in me so much these last couple of months." "Well never fear my sweet; I am going to f*ck you silly this afternoon. You will have enough memories to hold

you until next time." "Well let's get too it then big boy. I really want you to get me pregnant again today. Don and I want to have another baby and I think I am at my peak fertility right now. I would sure like all three of my babies to have the same hot daddy." "Hasn't Don ever been suspicious about us? Doesn't he ever question why the kids don't look at all like him? Is he stupid or what?" "Don't say that about Don, he is not stupid. I have never given him any reason to believe that I wasn't faithful to him. I have never withheld sex from him in any way. He has even fucked me after you have but he just thought I was extra wet from him." "Did you have him eat my cum out of your hot pussy?" he laughed. "Oh god yes, one time he did eat me after we had fucked and I was so worried he would think something wasn't right, but he didn't. I have to admit it made me chuckle inside to know that he was doing that." "Well I still don't understand how you could slip the kids past him." "Fortunately Stevie Jr. and Lori both look exactly like me so there is no reason he would be suspicious about that." I heard her laugh at that Stevie Jr. crack and it just broke my heart. "Well, maybe today I will give you a kid that looks like me and blow your cover. Then he will divorce you and you can marry me." "Stop talking about all this Steve. I love Don very much and don't want to see him hurt. What you and I have is just pure hot sex and I love it, but that is all there ever will be between us. Now just shut up and f*ck me hard and fast. Fill me with your hot liquid cum and get me pregnant. I want to be carrying your third child by the time you leave here today." The rest of the tape was as you would expect. There were all the grunts, groans, mewing and exclamations of a man and woman in the throes of sexual passion. I don't have to describe it to you and won't. It is too painful for me to even think of it anymore. I listened to the whole thing. I heard all of what Steve did to Carla that afternoon. I heard her pleasure as he fucked her. I heard things from her that I had never heard in all the years of our lovemaking/fucking. I knew that I had never pleased her the way he pleased her. My whole marriage was a lie. The love, trust and closeness I thought we had were nonexistent. There was no love or fidelity on her

part. How could she love me and do what she had been doing? She couldn't. How could she have given 100% of herself to our marriage? She couldn't She said she never withheld sex from me in any way, but that too was a lie because I know she let him f*ck her in ways that she never allowed me to f*ck her. There aren't enough words in the English language to describe how I felt when I heard all there was to hear on that tape. I was hurt to my core, I was physically ill, I could hear my heartbeat and I prayed it would keep going, I was disgusted, I was emasculated, I was terrified, I was livid, I can't go on, there are just too many words to describe what I was. Devastated comes to mind also. Yes, I was devastated. That word seems to say most of it. One word describes what I wasn't. Stupid, I wasn't stupid. Carla had said it and it was true. I was not a stupid man so I knew that I would have to figure out what I was going to do. What would become of me and my family, my life? The first thing I knew I had to do was to secure a copy of the tape to keep. I was certain that in some way I would need it. The recorder had a two tape system so I set it up to copy from tape one onto tape two and made my copy. That copy I put into a manila envelope and took it out to the trunk of my car. No matter what happened in the next few minutes I knew I had that tape for proof. Secondly I knew I needed to keep my knowledge a secret for a while at least until I had things figured out. I rewound the tape to the end of our snoring demonstration and erased the rest. Then I set the recorder back on the night stand and left the bedroom. If Carla thought about it light bulbs might go on in her head and she might just listen to the tape to see if it recorded her and Steve. She would not hear anything and would not be alerted to the fact that I knew her dirty little secret. I knew that I needed all of the facts to determine what I would do. I figured a good starting point would be back when I met Carla and move forward from there. I had met her through a friend of hers from school that was dating my cousin. I knew that the best source of information would be her high school yearbooks. I went down into the basement and rummaged through things until I found the box that contained all of our high school yearbooks and I took all of

both of our yearbooks and put them in the trunk of my car. I put the boxes back exactly as they had been to not raise any suspicions. I figured if she somehow discovered they were missing I could always say that they must be in a different box somewhere. Lastly, I knew that if I saw Carla tonight she would know that something was dreadfully wrong so I called my boss for help. Jim and I had become very good friends over the years I had worked with him and I knew I could trust him. I told him what I had discovered and asked him to cover for me for a few days so I could get to the bottom of it all and make my final decision. I asked him to arrange a trip for me to go to New York for a few days to an anti-terrorism school. That would be consistent with courses I had taken in the past and would never raise any suspicions. Of course I would not go. I had places to go, people to see and a life of lies to uncover. Jim agreed to help me with the cover story that this class came up at the last minute and that it was something that I absolutely needed to do. I needed to be on a plane in an hour. I called Carla on her cell phone and explained the urgent trip that Jim had called to send me on. I told her that I would take the kids over for Judy to watch, and I would pack and be on my way to the airport in a matter of minutes. I told her I didn't even know all the details yet for the class, but that I would call her and let her know after I found out. Needless to say she wasn't happy with the spur of the moment departure, but I told her there was nothing I could do about it and said goodbye. I heard her say "I love you Don" as I hung up, but she didn't hear it back from me. I then walked over to Judy's and explained to her that I had to make an urgent trip out of town and that Carla would be home in about an hour to pick up the kids if that was ok with her. She said it was okay with her. I asked to take the Steve and Lori home with me while I packed so I could say goodbye to them and that I would bring them back when I was ready to leave. That too was okay with her so away we went. I have been watching the news lately about that murder in Wisconsin. Steven Avery was recently released from prison after serving about 20 years for first degree sexual assault, attempted murder and false imprisonment crimes

he did not commit. A group of students from the Benjamin M. Cardozo School of Law through the "Innocence Project" proved through DNA testing that he was not the perpetrator of those crimes so he was released. In fact the guilty party was already in prison for another offense and they proved it was he and not Avery who committed the crimes. Now, however, he appears to be implicated in a new murder case involving a Teresa Halbach, and it appears there is DNA evidence implicating him. He has been charged with first degree intentional homicide and mutilation of a corpse. How awful for her and for her family, but it made me remember that I needed to get the kids DNA samples before I left so when we got home I managed to take a Q-Tip swabs and got saliva samples from both Steve and Lori. I knew I could get their DNA analyzed and compared to my DNA samples to prove that I was not their biological father. The results of those tests would be bad news for me, but I guess I already knew the bad news from Carla's confession on the tape. I finished packing enough clothes for a few days and left the house with the kids. I took them to Judy and thanked her again for taking care of the kids for the next hour on such short notice. I left and drove to a hotel in Harvey, another Chicago south side suburb. It was far enough away from Chicago Heights that I knew I wouldn't run into any of Carla's family, but close enough to use as a base of operations to do my investigation. After I checked into the hotel I picked up some beer and got drunk. It seemed the only logical thing to do. Why lay awake feeling the pain and hurt? Why live it over and over again in my mind all night while trying to sleep? Just get drunk and pass out. I knew I would feel like hell tomorrow, but that was going to happen anyway. So, I just got drunk. When I woke up I did feel like shit. It was after 11:00 a.m. and I thought I would surely be dead before noon. My head was throbbing and my stomach was churning so I did the only logical thing, I had a couple of more beers. It probably was the best thing I could have done because the next time I woke up it was 3:00 p.m. and I actually felt a little better. This time I called room service and ordered some coffee and some toast which arrived a short time later. While I waited I showered and

got myself dressed in some clean clothes. The coffee hit the spot and I was able to get the toast down and keep it all down. Now what was I going to do with the rest of the day. I checked my cell phone for messages and there were three of them. The first was from Carla from the previous night. She was upset that I had not called her when I arrived in New York and she was upset that she couldn't get in touch with me because she didn't know where I was staying. She told me to call her as soon as I got her message. The second call was also from Carla but it was from earlier this morning. She was really pissed at me now because I hadn't called her either last night or earlier this morning. She was clearly irritated with me, but I didn't care. I would give her a big excuse when I actually did talk to her. I knew I had to talk to her soon, but I would delay it a bit longer. Hell, she was already pissed, how much more pissed could she get? I actually laughed at that stupidity. We all know she could get a whole lot more pissed; she is a wife after all. The third call was from Jim. It came just a few minutes after Carla had called. He told me that she was hot and demanded to know where I was and what was going on. He told me that I owed him big time for all the shit she gave him and I agreed. He told her that he didn't know what hotel I would be able to get into so he had no more information than she had as to where I was. He also told her that the seminar would be held at a conference center at JFK Airport and that she could try to get in touch with me there. Well you know the bureaucracy of airport security. She would try until hell freezes over and never be able to locate me even if I was there. Not being there of course it would be even more impossible so I was safe until I called her. I figured I had a couple of hours to work on my project before she got home from work so I sat down with my laptop and started on my checklist. I listed everything that I already knew. I listed details I needed filled in. I went through her yearbook and listed every person who had written anything in her junior or senior yearbooks and cross referenced them by class year. I called her high school and asked them if they had a reunion book for her five year reunion. The administrative assistant was very

helpful and told me they had the five year book, but would I like a copy of the ten year one which would be coming up very soon? I told her I did and I asked if it was available electronically and it was so I gave her my email address and asked that she email it to me. Five minutes later I had the list and started putting the names from the yearbook together with married names, spouses, addresses and telephone numbers. Man, talk about a wealth of information. I had the most current list I could have hoped for and I even knew the names of children, pets, hobbies, favorite foods etc. for all of Carla's classmates. I even discovered that Carla had sent in the current information for us and listed our two children with a footnote saying, "Hopefully number three will be on the way soon." By this time I was sure Carla would be home from work so I decided to brave the phone call to her and endure her wrath for a few minutes. I had to get it over with sooner or later. Have you noted the cynicism in my writings of late? I would suspect you did. It was because there was no longer any concern for her feelings. She was at fault for how I felt and I was not going to worry if my sarcasm showed through a little bit. She would have to just live with it. I called her. "Don, where the hell have you been? Why didn't you return my call last night or this morning? What the hell is going on anyway?"I wasn't taken aback in the least; I knew she would rail on me so I let her get it out of her system before I responded. I told her that when I arrived it was very late and I didn't want to call that late to wake up the kids. I also said that I was feeling sorry for myself so I just got kind of drunk and by the time I got up it was too late to call this morning. I had to rush to get everything set up for the next few days and I just didn't have time. I told her I was at the Hilton Gardens Hotel at JFK Airport last night, but that I could only get a room for one night there and would have to find a new hotel for the next couple of nights. I told her to just keep calling my cell phone as the best possible way to get in touch with me, but I would not have it on while I was in classes. I figured that would give me the biggest margin to miss her that I could get. I figured I would need to be anonymous in the phone calls I would make while I was here so I decided I

would just go buy one of the disposable cell phones for the purposes I had in mind. I went to the pharmacy down the street from the hotel and got a TracPhone. It was really quite reasonable and there would be no tracing the number or the calls. It was perfect. By the time I finished picking up the phone it was almost 6:00 p.m. and I was actually feeling pretty good and getting kind of hungry. I spotted George's Rib House on my way back to the hotel and thought it would probably be a good idea to stop and eat. When I got back to the hotel I started fact gathering. I took Carla's senior yearbook and went through it page by page person by person. I listed every person who had written any comments in her yearbook and I typed in the comment they had made. I set up a code system for different types of comments. First I put M or FM for each person. If they appeared to be friends I used the Friend code. If it was a girl from what appeared to be her inner circle I put Girlfriend. If it appeared to be someone she might have dated or the comment was more intimate in nature I put Boyfriend. If it was a negative comment I put Non Friend. When I had finished, I had a list of forty names with about thirty females and ten males. I sorted the list first by gender code, then by the other codes. In the Male category I had five Boyfriends, four Friends and one Non Friend. One of the Boyfriends was Steve Wilson. I figured he was my villain but I would need to be certain before I was finished. I knew I would be. I imagined the Non Friend, one Gil Roberts, would be a good source of information, hopefully because Carla had spurned him or maybe he didn't like Steve. In the Female category I had three Girlfriends, about twenty five Friends and two Non Friends. All three of the Girlfriends had stood up in our wedding so I knew I would have to steer clear of them for the most part. I figured there would be a couple of the Friends who could provide some information and again I would hit the Non Friends pretty hard. Somehow it seems people are a whole lot more willing to spill juicy details if they didn't particularly like someone. To my list I cross referenced data from the Reunion Booklet, adding married names if applicable, address, telephone number, spousal names, children's

names, hobbies, interests, etc. I had also added occupations and place of employment where available. Not everyone listed all the same information, but there was an awful lot of data there. I figured the more information I had the easier it would be to get the full scoop on Carla and her lover. By the time I had finished that list it was a little after 10:00 p.m. and I had had enough for one day. I figured that I would get an early start the next morning and hopefully be able to wrap my investigation up by the end of the day. I decided to get a good night's sleep so got ready to turn in. As I turned down the covers on the bed my cell phone rang. Glancing at the clock I saw it was just 10:30 p.m. and I knew that the kids were down for the night and she had watched the evening news and was about to turn in herself. I answered the phone and waited to hear what she had to say. "Hi Don, I thought maybe you would call me tonight after you got settled," she said. "Well, I thought about it, but the last time I called you I got my head bit off so I thought I would just wait and see if you wanted to talk to me," I replied. "I am sorry I snapped at you earlier," she offered, "I was just upset because I couldn't get in touch with you. This whole trip seems a bit strange and I just was feeling insecure I guess. Will you forgive me?" Now there was a novel thought. Forgive her. I seriously doubted that forgiveness was something that I would be giving easily or any time soon, but I didn't want to totally tip my hand yet so I said, "I am sure I will get over it in a couple of days. Don't worry about it." "That doesn't sound much like forgiveness honey," she shot back. "Well maybe I am just a bit pissed myself at the treatment I have received from you," I countered. She didn't say anything for a while. I didn't know if she suspected I knew something or not, and I didn't care much. I don't know if she was contemplating the things that she had done to our marriage or not, but I hoped she was. In a minute she said, "Well I guess I will let you go then. Don, I am sorry, I love you." I said, "I am sorry too. Goodnight Carla." I heard her begin to sob as she transferred the phone to it's cradle. I know I had a fitful nights sleep, but I did get some. At least I wasn't hearing her squeaking snores. It did make me sad to think about that though. She was so cute when she had

discovered her snoring was awful. She and I had laughed so hard about it and had such a wonderful morning of lovemaking. Thinking about what came after and what might never happen again broke my heart all over again and I fell asleep by default. The next morning I got an early start on my lists. My plan of attack was going to be an investigation into myself and my wife. Using my TracPhone I called several of the female Friends telling them that I was Roger Moore with Homeland Security doing a background check on Don Phillips as a preliminary to his being part of the Chicago Area Anti-Terrorism Task Force. I said, Mr.. Phillips is married to the former Carla Pederson and I believe you were one of her classmates. I proceeded to ask a lot of questions about associations that Carla had in high school and in the end I had verified that Steve Wilson was her boyfriend in high school. They had dated for about three years and she broke it off with him a couple of months after she graduated from high school. I found out that Steve still lived in Chicago Heights , worked at the Chase Manhattan bank in Chicago Heights , currently as a loan officer, and was recently divorced. Apparently he had two children, two boys. I looked in the Reunion Booklet and there he was. He was a damn good looking man. I could see why he would turn a women's head. I could only wish I looked that handsome. But she had broken it off with him and married me. She had given me her virginity and not him. But she had then gone on to have sex with him, continuing the relationship for years and apparently allowing him to father our children, Why? Why? Why? These were just questions I could not answer. Maybe she can answer them for me, I just don't know. So, Carla broke it off with Steve soon after she and I met but she continued to work with him at the bank up until the time we moved to Des Plains. That of course meant they were in close proximity all those days. I could see now how they made the connection, but the Why's were still there. I figured I had enough information from the Friends so I switched to one of the female Non Friends, Jill (Johnson) Marker. I gave her the same line about the background check and just came out and asked if there was anything in the background of Carla Pederson as Don Phillip's wife

that would be important to our consideration of him for a position of national security. Wow, the minute I got those words out she let me have it with both barrels. She proceeded to let me know that Carla was the biggest b*tch to ever graduate from Chicago Heights High School . She was a boyfriend stealer, a cheat and a whore. I asked her on what basis she made those statements. She told me that in her sophomore year she was dating Steve Wilson and Carla had stolen him from her. Now she admitted that there is nothing illegal about boyfriend stealing, but she said it just showed her character. That character flaw would come out later after Carla had met her husband Don she confided. According to rumors, most started by Steve, Carla had started up again with Steve after she started working at the bank and Steve bragged that he got her knocked up and has been fucking her ever since, impregnating her twice. He even spread the word already that he just put another bun in her oven this week. Now that was current intelligence. Jill told me that she would not trust Don Phillips with any national security because she would not trust his cheating whore wife. I didn't realize this would be so easy. I also didn't realize how much it would hurt me to know that other people knew what was going on all these years and I was so blind to it all. I figured I might just as well get the scoop from the other two Non Friends so I called the other female and the story was pretty much the same. She was the sister to Steve's ex wife. The story was that her sister had divorced Steve because she had heard the rumors and confronted him. He bragged about it telling her that he had two additional kids. I guess he figured he was so hot his wife would never divorce him, but he was wrong. I asked Jill if I could have her sister's telephone number and she gave it to me gladly. I was going to use that later. The male Non Friend was in love with Carla all through high school but she never gave him a chance. He said she claimed to be in love with Steve but probably would not marry him because he was so full of himself. Supposedly Steve had been trying to get into her pants for three years and she always told him that she would only give her virginity to her future husband, but that

after she lost her virginity Steve could probably get a crack at her for old time's sake. He told me that her attitude hurt him because he had hoped to be that husband and knew it would destroy him to know that she would never be faithful to him and that she would probably let Steve f*ck her if he pursued it. He said he stopped trying to get Carla to go out with him after that. Well her apparent attitude continued to hurt me even more than I already was. It was obvious to me that Carla had never planned on being faithful to me in any way, planning my cuckolding even before we had met. Can you feel how sick I was? I had just about everything I needed from my list of names. What I needed now was a little more insight into Steve so I dropped by the bank to see him in person. Oh, I wasn't going to let him know who I was but I wanted to see what he looked like in the flesh. He was as handsome as his pictures showed him to be. He was quite a bit taller than me and obviously a major jock. Too bad he was such a jerk, he might have been a good catch. I did have a couple of more calls to make and a couple of more stops to make before I left for home but I knew I would be back in Des Plains before nightfall. With all that accomplished I headed back and checked into the Candlewood Suites Extended Stay Hotel near the airport. I called Carla around 8:30 p.m. and told her I would be home around noon the next day. I told her to take the afternoon off so we would have some alone time together. I had become pretty hardened to my situation by now so there was no hint of what was going on that she could pick up on. I figured she had lied to me for many years so a few lies on my part wouldn't hurt too much. I told her I loved her and would see her tomorrow. I told her everything would work out just fine. I slept well. The next morning I stopped into my office and had a long talk with Jim. He wanted to know what I had found out and I filled him in on everything I had learned. He gave me the overnight envelope from the DNA lab I had taken the DNA samples to the previous day. It cost me a bit extra, but thankfully they did provide overnight service for the added fee. I was glad I would already have the results when I confronted Carla that afternoon. I opened the envelope because I wanted Jim to know too what the results were. It was important to me that he knows all the facts. He was

my friend and my boss and I might be asking a big favor of him in the future. Dear Mr. Phillips: We have tested all five of the samples that you brought to us on Wednesday, November 15. Sample 1 is a male and is a full sibling to sample 2, another male. Sample 3 is a male and is a full sibling to sample 4 which is a female. Samples 1 and 2 are both half brothers to Samples3 and 4 a brother and a sister. Our conclusion is as follows: All four samples share a common father and Samples 1 and 2 have a different mother than Samples 3 and 4. Sample 5 is a male and is in no way related to any of the other samples. Since we know that you Mr.. Phillips are Sample 5, there is no DNA evidence to show that you are the biological father of any of the four children represented as Samples 1, 2, 3 or 4. If we can be of any further assistance to you, please let us know. Sincerely, David Rafferty, Ph.D. Accurate DNA Labs, Inc. I had called Steve's ex wife and asked her if I could come and talk to her. She agreed to see me and agreed to allow me to take saliva swabs from her two children. I had a sworn statement in my briefcase from her certifying that she had voluntarily offered the DNA samples to me from her two children. Jim gave me a big hug before I left and told me that he was very sorry for what I had found out and was going through. He told me he would be there for me and would be willing to help me in any way. He also told me that he figured he better watch out or I was going to take his job away from him. He laughed as he said that because he said he had never seen such a thorough investigation in such a short time. I actually had to laugh at that too even though I felt little joy in the rest of my existence. With the tape, the statements from many of Carla's former classmates, the letter from Steve's ex wife, the certified letter from the DNA lab and my broken heart I headed home to confront my wife. I walked into the house a few minutes before noon. I grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and went and sat in the family room to wait for Carla to get home. It was just a few minutes after 12:00 p.m. when I

heard her walk in from the garage. She rushed over to me to get a hug and kiss and I kind of avoided her. There was a funny look on her face when I did that, but I knew it would get even worse so it really didn't matter all that much. She asked me what was wrong and I said, "Do you want a beer?" She said, "No, just tell me what is wrong." "Carla, I know that you have been having an affair." She started to speak to deny it and I just held up my hand to stop her. "I don't want to hear a word from you right now. I know you have been having an affair and I have evidence. Knowing that, what makes you think I would believe anything you have to say anyway? So, don't continue to lie to me and tell me that you haven't. Just sit down there on the sofa and let me tell you how it is going to be. That is all you need to do right now. Don't talk, don't cry, don't deny, and don't apologize. Right this minute, none of that matters. Just sit and listen to me." The color had drained from her face and I could see the fear in her eyes. I asked her again if she wanted a beer or at least some water and she said she would take a glass of water. I got the water for her and pulled up a chair opposite to her so I could sit and look her in the eye while I told her what my thoughts were. "Carla, I know you are having an affair. I am going to tell you that I have a lot of evidence to prove that. Don't think I am lying to you because in all fairness to you I want your actions from here on out to reflect that I know everything. Believe it and you will be much better off. If you think I am lying you are bound to make mistakes and you won't like the result of mistakes. "I am going to leave this house today. I am going to take all of the things that I might need for the next month and I am going to move out. Yes, I said for the next month I will not be living here. We will still be husband and wife, but I won't be here." She gasped when I said that and started to whimper but she did not cry openly and did not try to speak. "During that month you have two things you need to do. The first is to decide if you love me and if you want to continue to be my wife. No matter what my decision would be, you need to make that decision. If you do not love me or do not want to be my wife, nothing I want makes any difference. So you must decide. I don't

want that decision today either. I want you to think about it and in one month you can let me know. Not before. "Secondly, you need to put in writing all of the facts of your betrayal of our marriage. I loved the Carla I knew, the Carla I married. I have to tell you I don't love the Carla I find you are now because I don't even know who you are any more. So every single detail of your affair or affairs needs to be disclosed to me. I want to know who you have had this or these affairs with. If there was one I want his name. If there was more than one I want all of their names. "I want to know why you had this or these affairs. What did they offer you that I did not or could not give you. "I want to know when they started, how often they occurred, I want to know where they occurred, I want to know what you did and what you said. I want to know what you got out of these affairs. I want every detail Carla, don't leave a thing out. "I want to know the woman who you really are. I have lost the woman I thought you were, but I need to know who you are if I am going to have any chance of staying in this marriage. "Remember this Carla. I have evidence. That being said do not leave anything out, do not even think of lying your way through this. If I you lie to me I guarantee it will be over. If you tell me every truthful detail there is a chance we could stay together. I said a chance, no guarantees. Don't read more into it than a chance." I could see the panic growing in her eyes and I was pretty sure she knew how serious I was, how dangerous a situation she was in. "If you decide you can't or don't want to tell me the truth, just let me know that at the end of the month and our marriage will end as quickly and painlessly as possible. As of this very moment the ball is in your court. You have all the decisions to make for the next month. "When you decide if you love me and if you want to be married to me, you can email a message to me at my work email and you can attach your written account of your betrayal. I expect to see both of those exactly four weeks from today. Not before and not after. "Also, if I find out that you continue your affair at any time in the future our marriage will immediately be over. Make sure you understand that. "Now about the kids. Do you want them with you for the

next month? Or do you want me to take them? Either way works fine for me. If you want them I will come to see them every Wednesday night. I will pick them up at the babysitters and take them with me until 8:30 p.m. and then bring them home. I will call you when I arrive and you can come out to get them so I know you are here. Every weekend I will take them on one of the two days. You work out the schedule as best suits you and I will abide with it. "If you do not want the kids I offer the same schedule to you as I have proposed. You pick them up from the babysitter on Wednesdays and I will pick them up here at 8:30 p.m. and you can have them on one of the two weekend days each week. I will bring them to you on the chosen day. "I am going to go and pack some of my things now and when I am done I am leaving. Make the decision about the kids before I leave." With that I walked out of the room and headed up to the bedroom to pack a couple of bags. I could hear her sobbing downstairs while I packed, but when I got back down there she had composed herself somewhat. Her eyes were red and there were streaks in her makeup but otherwise she was under control. "Don," she started, " I know you don't want to hear." "STOP," I screamed. "You are right, I don't want to hear. Do as I told you or we can just end this lie of a marriage right this fucking minute." Up until that moment I thought I had handled myself quite admirably but I guess I overestimated her intelligence, she didn't know how serious this was after all and that angered me so much I just had to lash out. When I screamed she jumped back in shock and just hung her head. "Do you want to keep the kids with you or shall I take them?" "I want them with me," she cried. "Okay, I am leaving then. I will call you tomorrow to go over the schedule for me to pick up the kids on Wednesdays and one day each weekend. Goodbye Carla." And I left. The month went by rather quickly. I took the Steve and Lori out to dinner each Wednesday night and then back to my suite at the hotel. Lori didn't know much about what was going on being as young as she was, but Steve had some idea that there was something happening. He

asked me why I wasn't at home and I told him that his mother and I were having a husband and wife problem and were trying to work it out and it was best if I stay away for a little while. I told him to just be patient and to not worry about us. I told him that his mother and I both loved him and Lori very much. Steve seemed satisfied with my answers and I let it go for the time being. I saw Carla each time I dropped the kids off at the house. She would come to the front door to greet them and make sure they got into the house okay. One time she started to walk toward the car to talk to me and I just held up my hand to stop her and drove away. I could see her face as I drove away and she was crying. After that she just stayed in the doorway. Exactly one month to the day from our confrontation I received an email from Carla. It read: Dear Don: I want you to know that I am sorry that you have been hurt so badly. I love you and I want to be your wife. Please call me after you read my letter and make your decision to come home to me. I want to be married to you for the rest of my life. I need you and your children need you. Love, Carla When I read that statement I knew that Carla was not going to be totally truthful in her letter to me. I knew that she was not going to admit to me that the Steve and Lori were not my children. I knew the outcome of my decision even before I read the letter. But, of course we need to actually read the letter. Attached to the email was this lengthy letter. Dear Don: I am going to write this letter to you to try and convince you to come home to me. I love you very much and I want to remain your wife and grow old with you. That is a very simple thing to say, but what I have to tell you is all so very complicated. I know it is going to hurt you and I didn't want that to ever happen, but I am going to tell you because I am going to be totally honest with you. I love two men. I love you and I love Steve Wilson. You said that I was having an affair, and I suppose by most people's definition I have been having an affair. I honestly have not been thinking of it as an affair. An affair is a short term infatuation with someone that results in a limited duration illicit sexual or

romantic interlude. I know this is going to be very painful, but my relationship with Steve goes back to before my relationship with you. As you know I was seeing someone else when I met you. That someone else was Steve Wilson. He and I had dated since I was a sophomore. Steve was a handsome, charming, witty, intelligent, caring man. He still is all of those things. Soon after I started dating him I realized I was in love with him. He was almost everything a girl could hope for in a boyfriend or in a husband. I loved him Don, but the one shortcoming he did have was the one that would never allow me to marry him. He was so handsome, so sexy, and so full of himself that he would never have remained faithful to me as a husband. Because of that, I loved him, but I knew I would never marry him and therefore I would not give my virginity to him. I never swayed from the thought of giving my virginity to only my husband. Oh, he tried and tried to get me to give in and part of me really wanted to do it too, but I would not give in. Then I met you. In a short time, I knew I loved you and that you were the man I wanted to marry. You were attractive, kind, gentle, intelligent, funny and sexy. In you I could see a man who would remain faithful to me through our entire marriage. All the qualities I wanted for my husband I saw in you and I loved you very much. The problem is that I didn't stop loving Steve. I loved you both, different but also the same. That is hard to explain but it is as close as I can get to what I actually felt. Steve never let up on trying to make love with me. I always refused. I would see you on the weekends and Steve and I would spend time together during the week. He knew about you and he knew I was also in love with you, but he could also see that my love for him did not stop. I told him once that maybe after I gave my virginity to my future husband I would give him a crack at me before I got married. He looked at me funny, but didn't say another word about it. After you and I had made love and I had given myself to you I am certain he could tell. He kept pushing me then, asking for the chance to make love to me that I had offered. We were not married; we were not even engaged yet even though I knew you were the man I wanted to marry. Don, I

gave in. I allowed Steve, no, I actually wanted Steve to make love to me. I loved him in addition to loving you. I gave myself to him and I did enjoy the intimacy of it. I got pregnant. I knew it was Steve's baby and not yours, but I wanted you for my husband not him. Oh God, I just can't believe that I did all of this to you. But I did. From that point on, I know I was unfaithful to you. I told you we were going to have a baby and you married me. You never questioned that the baby was yours because you had been the one to take my virginity. Little Steve looked like me so there was nothing to question there. I did not stop seeing Steve when you were gone. We got together every month or two from then on. I continued to be with him even after we were married. I loved you both. You were a wonderful father to Steve and you are to Lori too. A woman could not ask for a better husband. I loved you so much and that love just continued to grow each and every day. I know this isn't going to make you feel any better, but my love for Steve has not grown. I still love him the same as I did then. But my love for you is so much greater now than it was. I watched you like a hawk for a couple of years almost hoping you would be unfaithful to me so I could really justify my behavior, but you never did cheat on me that I could tell. You were everything a woman could want in a husband and I was glad I had you even if I didn't deserve you. I know I am stalling here. I will move on and tell you the rest. You asked me to explain a lot of things to you so I will try to give you all the detail I can. The who is Steve Wilson. The why is because I love him. Where? We met in many different places. We met at his place, we met here, and we met at hotels and motels. We got together at restaurants, in parks and in his or my car. We just found a way to get together wherever it would work for us. When? I don't remember all the dates and times, but it was once a month or every other month from then until now. We just made it happen when we could. We made love, we played, and we fucked. We talked, we kissed, and we hugged. He did things with me that you and I had not done. We did anal and some light bondage. I did not really want to do those things but I allowed them with him because I had such

limited time with him. Don, he loves me too. I figured it was a small consolation for me to make because I was your wife living with you and he only had me for little blocks of time. Steve got married. It didn't last because he did exactly as I thought he would do. He cheated on his wife. He was with me and he had other women too. His wife found out and divorced him. He wanted me to divorce you and marry him. I told him I would not ever divorce you. I told him I knew he would cheat on me. It's funny, but the character trait I demanded for a husband was a lot stricter than the character trait I demonstrated as a wife. I am so sorry about that. Don, I know you have heard enough but I have two more things to tell you. Steve is also Lori's father. I am pregnant and I am pretty certain I got pregnant the last time Steve and I were together. That means that all three of our children have Steve for a biological parent. I figured that it would be best if they were all true biological brothers and sisters so there would never be a question. But Don, you are and always will be their father. You love them and care for them and Steve has never even met them in all these years. He doesn't want to be their father. I don't want him to be their father either because I want you to be their father. I am sorry that all this happened and that you have been so terribly hurt. If I could undo it all I would. I am so sorry. I am praying that you will come home to me. I am praying that you will give me a chance to work this out, to save our marriage. I am praying that you love me enough to want that. Please come home to me. I know that I have not answered every question you must have and I promise you that I will answer any question you ask. I am begging you to give me the chance. I am waiting for your call. Love, Carla The next day was Friday so I called Carla and told her that I would be home sometime in the early morning. I told her to take the day off and to take the kids to the babysitter since we had an awful lot of talking to do. She said she would do that and asked me what I was thinking. I said you will just have to wait until

tomorrow to find out. With that I hung up. The next day I walked into the house. Carla was waiting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee which I gladly accepted. I said we should sit at the table so I could go over some things with her. Once we were settled in I opened my briefcase and set a large stack of paperwork and files on the table. "Carla, this is my evidence. "It starts with this audio tape. From it I learned a lot of things. You were cheating on me with a man named Steve. You loved his big cock. You had been cheating on me with him since before we were married. Neither of my two children are biologically mine. You planned on getting pregnant again by him so I would have a third child to raise for the two of you. You had sex with me immediately after you had sex with him. You said you loved me and did not want to leave me for him." The look on her face was incredulous. "In case you can't figure out where the tape came from, it is from the audio recorder that we used to prove who snored. I erased all but the snoring so you wouldn't know that you had been found out. "I didn't really go to New York . I went to Chicago Heights to do some research into your past and to find out who Steve was and to find out about my children. That is the reason you were not able to locate me in New York . When I found out about you, I didn't want to see or talk to you again. I knew I had to leave before you got home. I set the high school yearbooks on the table. "I figured the best starting place would be your yearbooks. I made a list of everyone who had written comments in your yearbook and categorized them by their apparent relationship to you. Here is the detail of what I found in your yearbook." I put my cross referenced list on the yearbooks. I also pulled out the reunion booklet. "This booklet was emailed to me by the administration at your high school. It is the booklet that will be coming out for your next class reunion. I used it to find current names, addresses, and telephone numbers for all of the people on my list of contacts. "I got an awful lot of good information from Jill (Johnson) Marker and from Steve's wife's sister that was in your class. One of the boys who had a crush on you all through high school was pretty helpful too because he told me he stopped loving you when he found out you

planned to f*ck Steve behind my back after we were married. "Most of your friends and acquaintances from back home know what you did and what kind of person you are Carla. I don't know how you could believe Steve would keep his mouth shut. After all, he was fucking the virgin queen." The next packet of evidence was a folder with the letter from the DNA lab. "This letter certifies that I am not the father of our two children. I called Steve's ex wife and she agreed to see me. She agreed to let me take DNA samples from her two children (hers and Steve's) and this letter certifies that Steve and Lori are half brother and sister to Steve Wilson's two children. The letter from Mrs.. Wilson certifies that these samples were taken with her approval and that two of the samples are from her and Steve's two sons." I took out one last folder from my briefcase, closed my briefcase and set it on the floor beside the table. "Carla, that is all the evidence I have at this time. I am sure I could dig up more if I tried like hotel receipts, semen stains on clothes, articles of clothing or toys that you have that I don't know anything about. I suspect there is lots of evidence and maybe even eye witnesses that I could ferret out if I worked at it. "I don't think I need to do any of that to prove the extent of your affair do I?" She shook her head no. "I am not one who gets off on listening to my wife f*ck another man and I certainly don't need to hear the details from you so I will not ask anything further about that. "Your letter confirms all of the facts that I have gathered and I thank you for being honest with me for once in your life. I thank you for having the courage to stop lying to me. "Carla, I loved you with all my heart and gave you everything I had to give to this marriage. I thought you did the same and I was so happy with you. When I discovered that that premise was flawed, the only conclusion I could come to was that our marriage was based upon lies which makes our marriage a lie. "When I found out I honestly wanted to kill you. I wanted to go find Steve and kill him. I don't want to do that anymore but I will if I am forced into it." All this time I kept seeing Carla's expressions changing. It went from one of amazement at how I found these things out to one of fear at what was on the horizon for our marriage. She reacted even more strongly at my confession that I wanted to kill her.

I opened the last file on the table. "Carla, these are divorce papers. I have fully executed them and all that remains is for you to execute them. There are also papers giving me full custody of the children including your unborn baby." The look on her face went from fear to out and out panic. At that moment I thought I saw insanity in her eyes. Even though she had destroyed our marriage that look in her eyes made me extremely sad. It wasn't what I wanted but I had no choice in the matter. I couldn't live with the situation she had created. "Once you have signed the papers I will put them in my safe deposit box and your future actions will dictate whether I actually file them with the courts. If you agree to all of my demands I am not going to leave you or kick you out but we will not be living as husband and wife any time soon. I expect you to move your belongings into the spare bedroom immediately as I will be using the master bedroom. "I am expecting Steve to pay child support in the amount of $2,000 per year per child to be deposited into a trust account for each child until the time they reach their 18th birthday. This also includes the new baby since he so openly has bragged about putting "that bun in your oven." The total due now is $30,000 ($16,000 for Steven, $8,000 for Lori for past payments due and $2,000 each for the upcoming year). "In addition, he will need to take out a paid up life insurance policy for $108,000 to cover those payments due in case of his untimely demise. The children should be listed as the beneficiaries and you should be listed as the policy owner so you can make changes as necessary. He will get a letter to the effect that after his full obligation for voluntary child support has been met the policy ownership will be transferred back to him. "If he fails to do either of the above requirements, I will bring this all out into the open and sue him in the courts for past child support for future child support. It will turn into court ordered payments that will be sent to his employers, current and future. It probably will hinder his promotion possibilities but I really don't care. "If he agrees to my demands but fails to meet the obligations that he has agreed to at any time in the future his life insurance benefits will take care of his children. Read into that what you will. "This will all be

presented to him in a nice neat little letter from my attorney along with copies of all the evidence I have compiled to date. "The way I see it you have two options: 1.You can leave at any time without the children. Just pack your bags and walk out the door. You are always free to do that. 2.You can sign these papers and stay here with your children even though you and I will not be living as man and wife. "I don't know why you would need an attorney because as you can see your options are very limited. But, if you insist on an attorney looking at these papers, I will give you until Tuesday morning next week to get that accomplished. "Just let me tell you, if you refuse to sign the divorce or the custody papers and try to leave with the children I am going to find you and have you killed. No matter what you did to our marriage, I am not going to lose the children. Neither they nor I deserve that and I will not tolerate it, period. "There is only one more stipulation. You will never be allowed to see or talk to Steve again. If you do you and I find out I will...well you both have a lot to lose. "You have lost me and you have also lost Steve because I insist on that. You will not be allowed to love either of us. Don't do something stupid and lose your children too." "That is all I have. So, do you want to sign these papers right now or do you want to see an attorney?" I could see that she was a defeated woman and I took no pleasure in it but as I said, I felt it was the only thing I could do given the circumstances she put me in. "Yes, I will sign them now," she said. And with that she signed both the divorce papers and the custody papers. I put them in my briefcase and told her I was going to the bank to put them in my safe deposit box. I told her I would move back into the house on Saturday morning and I expected her to be moved into the spare bedroom by the time I arrived. I said, "Goodbye Carla, I will see you tomorrow," and I left. I moved back the next day and got completely settled in again. Carla had moved all of her clothes and other paraphernalia into the spare room as I had told her to do. Life moved on. Everything appeared normal in our household. I was civil to her, we talked to each other often, we ate meals together, we played with the kids together and we laughed with them when they said

or did anything funny. On the surface it appeared we were just a normal family. What you didn't see however was any hint of marital intimacy. There were no secret looks between a husband and wife like what we had before. There was no intimate banter between us. There was no warmth of feelings. I did not touch her, and I did not allow her to touch me. Time just rolled past us like a steam roller and once in a while it rolled right over us too. I know I spent many a night laying awake thinking about what was lost to us and wishing it would all go away. I wished it was just a nightmare that would dissipate in the morning when I woke up. Not to be, it just hung there each and every day. I also know that Carla spent many nights in torment too. Every once in a while I would hear her sobbing in her room. There was a day when her sobbing would have torn me in two. There was a day that I would have done anything to make her happy again. Several times after I had heard her I went back to my bed and lay there thinking about how I had become a cold and unfeeling person. I knew I had changed. I knew that I had become someone that even I wasn't proud of. But, I didn't care anymore. I didn't feel her pain. Hell, I could hardly even feel my own pain anymore. Many times over the next several months Carla would attempt to get me to talk about what she had done. She wanted us to talk it through and see if we could work out a way to be happy again. I bluntly told her that I wasn't interested in hearing any more facts about her betrayal and that there was nothing she could say to me that would make it right, nothing at all. Every time I rebuffed her she would shrink into herself and there would be nights of sobbing from her room. Of course her body was changing all this time as her pregnancy progressed. I got the call from her on a Friday morning that she was in labor. I hurried home to take her to the hospital and three hours later she delivered a healthy baby girl. Yes, I even sat with her in the labor room and went with her to the delivery room. I even held her hand as she went through the labor pains and the work of delivering the baby. Carla asked me what I wanted to name the baby and I told her Grace so we could call her Gracie. She looked at me very strangely because Grace was her mother's name and she knew that I wasn't too fond of her mother because of the way her parents had always treated

me. She asked me if I wanted Gracie's middle name to be my mothers name which was Louise. That would have been cool wouldn't it? Gracie Lou like in the Miss Congeniality movie. I told her that I did not want my mother's name and that she could choose any name she wanted as long as it had no connection to me or my family. The look on her face was one of shock and hurt. The new me didn't care. I just walked away. I could hear her sobs as I walked down the hallway to go home. On Saturday I went to visit Gracie. She was as precious as they come and it only took a couple of minutes for her to have me wrapped around her tiny little finger. I fell in love with her. How could that happen? How could I fall in love with another man's baby? It had happened two times before with Steven and Lori but I didn't know they were not my babies. How could it happen again? I don't know, but it did. On Sunday I went to the hospital to pick up Carla and Gracie to take them home. Her mother and father were in her room when I got there. Grace glared at me and asked me how come I had not visited Carla on Saturday when I came to see Gracie. I waited for Carla to say something in my defense but nothing came. I looked at Carla and she had a tear in her eye and turned away from me when I held my gaze. I couldn't believe that she would allow her mother to attack me once again. I was totally disgusted and angry as hell. I told Grace that what I did or didn't do was none of her business and that if she wanted more facts to just ask her daughter. She fought back and told me that I had no right to talk to her that way that she was my wife's mother and it was her business. I turned to look at Carla again and she just turned her eyes down and hung her head. I knew I would see her head snap back up when I said, "Well, we will just see about changing that then." I was right. Her head snapped up so hard I thought her neck would break and she finally said, "Mom and Dad, just leave it alone. I think it is time for you to leave so Don can take Gracie and I home." Her father just had to express his own opinion before he left. He said, "Listen son, that is no way to treat your wife's parents. But, I should have expected it from the likes of you." I replied, "Don't you ever call me son again. I have never been a son to you and I

never will be. Now get out." When we were in the car heading for home Carla said, "Don, I am so sorry about that." I said, "Why Carla? They have never liked me. They have never shown me one speck of respect as their son in law. They have always thought their wonderful daughter married below herself. Why be sorry? "You have also always allowed them to think as they do about me. You have never once defended me when they have derided me. Well I finally know why that is. It is because you never have shown me one speck of respect either. You started disrespecting me even before we were married and for every day since. No wonder they don't respect me." Time went on. Oh, I did a lot of things during the next couple of months. In fact I kept myself pretty busy. I had a DNA test done on Gracie and the report showed that she was Steve's baby too. I really didn't care about the results of the test, I knew she would be. I only wanted the results for the record. I loved that little darling as if she was my own. No father could love a child any more than I loved her. When she looked up at me and smiled it warmed my heart again. That love had been set in the first several minutes of my Saturday hospital visit and would never go away. I also spent more time with Steven and Lori. I was the best father that any child could want. I loved them more every day and never once regretted that they were my kids. Steve Wilson may have provided half of their DNA but I was their father in every other sense of the word. Life with my children couldn't have been any better. I loved and adored them and they loved and adored me. The only thing missing was the love of my life, Carla. I frequently reflected on that love and just how much she had meant to me over those years. God, I missed my wife. I missed the woman who loved me. I cried often. Another thing I did was to use my connections to get a phone tap on Steve Wilson's office and home telephones. Yeah, I know it was illegal for me to do that, so what? What I discovered was exactly as I had expected. Carla just couldn't resist calling Steve to let him know that he was a father again. "Hi Steve, this is Carla." "What are you doing Carla? You know that you are not supposed to contact me. What if Don finds out?" "Oh, he won't find out Steve,

I am using a pay phone in the mall. There is no way he can find out that I called you. Sweetheart, I just wanted to tell you that you are a father again and she is adorable. Her name is Gracie. You make the most precious babies." "I am happy that she is adorable Carla. When do you want to start working on the next one?" And he laughed. "You know I can't do that right now Steve. Don and I have not had sex since he found out so there is no way I could get pregnant now." "Wow, you must really need it bad then huh? When do you want to get together?" "I do need it bad Steve and I would love to get together with you but I can't take the chance right now. I am still hoping that one day Don will forgive me and I will have my marriage back. After that we will have to see if we can find a way to be together once in a while. I doubt it will ever be like it was before though. Don is a lot more suspicious now than he was then." "Okay Carla, just know that I crave that hot body of yours and will try to meet you anywhere and anytime that you can make it. Pleases stay in touch." "I will Steve, goodbye sweetie, I love you." If you think that phone conversation hurt me or made me furious you are wrong. After what she had done to me there was nothing left of my heart that she could destroy. I was totally cold to Carla. As far as I was concerned she was a non entity to me. All the love I had previously had in my heart for her had been channeled to Steven, Lori and Gracie. They got it all. Nothing left for Carla. Nothing she did or could ever do would restore that. If I hadn't had an outlet for my love things might have been totally different. I might have just withered away and died. I might have lost myself in a bottle or in my work. I might have forgiven her and attempted to rebuild my marriage. None of that happened though because I had my children to love and to love me. I didn't need anything else or anyone else. A few months later Steve Wilson was tragically killed in an auto accident. No one actually witnessed the accident but it appears his car swerved off the road and hit a tree. His neck apparently snapped on impact with the tree. There were a few additional injuries, but the cause of death was a broken neck. Carla found out about his death when she called his office number and a stranger answered the phone. I kept the

phone tap on for that exact reason. "Hello, this is Jonathan Davis." "Oh, I was trying to reach Steve Wilson." "I am sorry, Steve Wilson doesn't work here any longer. May I ask who is calling?" "I am just an old friend. I will try to call him at home." "Miss, I know this might be a shock for you, but Steve was killed in an auto accident about three weeks ago. You should probably try to contact his family to get the rest of the details. I am so sorry to have to tell you that." I heard her gasp as the shock drove the breath out of her lungs, and then the line went dead. That night when I came home from work Carla looked at me funny. I didn't act any different than normal and she didn't say a word about it. That night I heard her sobbing again in her bedroom and for several nights after that. Soon after, she received a letter from the insurance company with a claim form for the proceeds of Steve's insurance with the children as his beneficiary. She showed it to me and asked me how to fill it out. When it was in the mail she looked at me funny again. She said, "You didn't look shocked when you found out Steve had died." I said, "Carla, I have no feelings for Steve one way or another at this time. I am not shocked, nor do I care. All I care about is that his children have the money for their college funds." She was obviously shaken by my reaction and kept on looking at me funny. A week later a check arrived in the amount of $108,000 in payment of the policy that Steve had taken out. Carla and I took the check to the bank and deposited the funds in each of the children's college fund account. Each one had $46,000 plus some interest that was earned on the initial deposit Steve had given us. By the time Steven was ready for college he would have about $80,000 available, Lori would have about $100,000 and Gracie would have about $130,000. That would go a long way toward paying for any education they wanted. I commented on the drive back to the house that at least the kid's college is taken care of and we won't have to wonder if the funds would come in every year. When we arrived at home Carla asked me if we could talk. I said sure we could talk. She asked me if I would ever forgive her and love her again. I shook my head no. She told me I was a cold hearted son of a b*tch. I told her that I

guessed she was absolutely right about that. She asked me how I could be so cold. I told her that I was never like that in the past and was sure it was only her actions to me that had hardened me. I told her that I never felt that hardness with my children and she acknowledged that she didn't see it in me when I was with them either. She shocked me then when she asked me if I had had anything to do with Steve's death. I was sure she knew it from the moment she found out. I nodded my head yes. She asked me why. I told her that I had put a tap on his work and home telephones and had heard her phone calls to him. I told her that I heard everything she said to him about being a daddy again and even the parts about not getting together just yet but maybe later after things had settled down. I told her it was obvious that there never was true love or respect for me and that she had only used me all these years and would continue to use me if she could get away with it. She asked if the end would come for her too. I nodded my head yes. I told her it was just a matter of time. Two months later she got tired of waiting and took her own life. I cried. I cried because Steven and Lori cried. Their broken little hearts broke mine too. I didn't cry for Carla. She had died to me over a year earlier when I first heard the tape and found out what a lie our marriage was. But, I cried because my babies were hurting. She left a letter for me. She left it in a place that only I would find it. Dear Don, I am so sorry. I was in love with Steve, but not like I was in love with you. I loved you more than life itself. I know what I did to you destroyed your love for me and I cannot live without it. I know how badly I hurt you and I had hoped that you would eventually be able to forgive me and love me again. I know that I turned you into a monster. When I realized you had killed Steve I knew you would never love me again and I can't deal with that. I will go to my grave knowing that I destroyed a good man. I guess you were not the perfect husband for me after all. What I needed was a man who would overlook my selfishness in wanting to love and be loved by two men. I am not blaming you for that because

it is too much to ask of any man, but that is what I needed. I wasn't strong enough to let Steve's love go. I should have but I couldn't. I pray that my death will release you from the monster that you now are. I pray that you will one day be able to let go of the hate you hold in your heart for me and for Steve. I hope that one day you will be able to forgive yourself for what you became and what you did to Steve. I also know that the monster is never present when you are with your children. I see the love and adoration in your eyes and it warms my heart to see it returned to you by them. When you look at the children I hope you will be able to see me in them and love them a little more for it. I hope that one day you will love me again through your love for them. I am so sorry Don, please forgive me for this final act, I just can't bear this anymore. I Love You, Carla This time I cried for real. The monster left me as she had prayed for. I cried for the friend I lost who would never laugh or cry with me again, for the lover who would never hold me or love me again, for the mother of my children who would not share in their life, in their loves, in their marriages and grandchildren, in their successes and in their failures ever again. I cried for the hole in my heart left empty when the hate left. I had put hate in there to destroy the love I had for her and now it was empty. I cried for the life that I had dreamed of with Carla knowing it could never be replaced. And then, I cried for my soul, knowing I allowed myself to become less than human in my hate. I destroyed the letter. I went to the bank and took all of the evidence of her cheating (except for the DNA evidence) from the safe deposit box and destroyed it. No one would ever know anything about it unless there was a future medical reason for my children to know I was not their biological father. In my will I directed funds to be placed in a medical trust and a directive to hire a medical trustee to oversee it. The DNA results were to be turned over to the trustee in a sealed envelope to be opened only in the event of the discovery of any hereditary ailments. I would

do anything I could to keep Carla's memory alive and healthy for her children and her family. No one else need know what she had done. I never denied Carla's mother and father access to their grandchildren. They adored them and were good to them. I know they blamed me for their daughter's death, I could see it in their eyes, but they had the good sense to let it rest. I guess they figured they better treat me well or I would not let them see their grandchildren. I would not have done that, but I was thankful that they left me alone. Gradually the hole in my heart began to fill with the overflow of love for the kids, and with good memories of Carla. Despite everything that had happened she had made me happy for eight years and I couldn't erase that. I didn't want to erase that any longer. Eventually I even forgave myself. It took a long time but it did happen. I had three wonderful children and they needed their father. Epilogue: I sat in the front row and watched Steven walk across the stage at his high school graduation. He received his diploma from the president of the school board. She smiled at him and after he had his diploma she gave him a big hug. Next in line was her daughter Jennifer. She gave her the diploma and a hug as well. Jennifer was Steven's girl friend. They had been together since his first day of high school four years earlier. I couldn't be more proud of him and I couldn't help but think that Carla would be so proud too. I know I had tears in my eyes as they both walked off the stage hand in hand looking so mature. Steven and Jennifer were both headed off to Champaign to attend the University of Illinois in the fall and it would most certainly set that place on fire. They were madly in love. It was plain for everyone to see that they would eventually be married. I knew that Carla would have approved of Jennifer too. After the ceremony was finished the two of them came down into the audience and gave me a huge hug. I couldn't have been more proud of them than I was. They had both finished high in scholastic standing and both were excellent athletes, their future was certainly bright. Steven asked me if it would be okay for Jennifer and him to attend a couple of the graduation parties

before they came home and I agreed that it would be okay. Jennifer leaned in and gave me another hug and said, "Thanks daddy, we will see you and mom later." As they walked away I reflected on what she said, calling me daddy. I had become her daddy too. Leslie, her mother, and I met within weeks of Steven starting high school. She was the president of the school board and very active in the extra curricular activities of the school. Steven kept telling me about Jennifer and what a great mom she had and eventually we met at one of the football games. You would have thought I was sixteen again myself because I was immediately smitten. I am sure I was falling all over myself and probably looked like and sounded like a fool. I found out that she was a single mom. She was divorced when Jennifer was nine. The ex husband wanted nothing to do with his family and Jennifer never saw or heard from him. After we had talked for a while I asked her if she would like to go foe coffee after the game and she agreed. From then on we spent a lot of time together and a year later we were married. I love her so much and she loves me in return. For a long time I denied that I could ever be a happily married man again but I am. For the past three years we have been a complete family. She loves Steven, Lori and Gracie like they were her own babies and I love Jennifer like she was my own daughter. After all, I learned a long time ago that biological parenthood isn't necessary to love a child. Leslie knows everything that happened with Steve and Carla. She knows everything I did at that time. I did not want any secrets from her if I was going to love her and be with her for the rest of my life. When I told her I saw the look on her face change for a moment. She said she was surprised by my revelation but knew I was telling her the truth that the monster was gone forever so she was not worried about our future. Our life together is fantastic. I have a new friend, a new lover and a new partner for all of my life dreams. My heart is full of love for my new wife and our children and yes there is a little spot there for love of the good things I had with Carla. Steven is a handsome young man and looks somewhat like Carla but as he ages he looks quite a bit like my memory of his father. But Lori and Gracie are miniatures of their mother. They are beautiful and charming and I see so much

of Carla in them that I just can't help it, I have to love her too for giving me these wonderful children. As they grew older I told them all as much about their mother as I can. I want them to know her as I once did and to love her like I did then and to know that she loved them dearly. Just then Leslie walked up to me and my reflections about the past were interrupted. She asked me where Steven and Jennifer were headed off to. I told her that they wanted to go to a couple of graduation parties before they came home. She smiled at me and said if I hurried I could take her home and start working on making that baby I had promised her. It didn't take us long to get to the car and head home. Life is good and getting better all along.