Christmas Survival Toolbox

Christmas Gatherings with Family can be Stressful and Full of Conflict Heres how to Survive the Family during the Holiday Season: 1- BRING A BLANK CHALKBOARD
The eraser principle- One of the things that stresses us out over having to be at the Annual Christmas Family Dinner is remembering last year and the one before that. We all have that mental chalkboard to remind us how weve been hurt. Every action, every word- faithfully jotted down in our minds. How Uncle Ed said mean things to your overweight daughter. And your cousin showed off his new Porsche right after you mentioned what a hard year it had been financially. And your Mom kept asking if youd ever find the person to spend your life with. Fun times, man. Fun times. As you approach that gathering again this year, Remember to Forget. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs - 1 Cor. 13:4-5 Seriously. Take time, list it out. Action Point List: What accounts do I need to erase? Am I willing? The basis for forgiveness is never what theyve earned or deserve, but is always what God has done in my life, forgiving me of my sins. Lets get to some definitions: Forgive- to release a person freely and completely from the debt he or she has built-up through improper or injurious words or actions...without any expectation of repayment or amends. Note: Forgiveness is not conditioned upon it being requested by the other person. If I hold unforgiveness and anger in my heart, I dont hurt others as much as I simply stress out myself and my immediate family, in a sense giving the other person permission to keep hurting me. How the Blank Chalkboard changes Christmas gatherings: Releases the tension and sets you free to focus on and enjoy the time with your family

Road-bump ahead: It probably wont change the other person. Theyll still probably act like jerks. See it as a gift from God to help you love people who are unloveable. That way, you grow through their thoughtless words and actions. And pray for them.

2- DETERMINE IN ADVANCE WHICH HILLS ILL DIE ON

The wartime principle- Family Gatherings can feel like war. If only we could get combat pay and help for the PTSD! In war, Military Commanders spend a lot of time planning the battles in advance, before a single shot is ever fired. They carefully choose their battles, preferring to fight the ones that really matter over the ones that simply seem important at the moment. So we need to develop a strategy that will involve the least number of casualties. Heres the Checklist: Claim the hill in advance- Lets say, for instance, every year Uncle Ed gets blind drunk and starts cussing at everyone, (including your young children), and telling very adult-oriented jokes and stories. Instead of dreading it and becoming angry or anxious when it happens, claim the hill in advance. Choose your battle. Maybe this is one worth fighting for? Call your Mom and remind her what Uncle Ed does every year. Tell her that you love her and her brother. But if Uncle Ed is invited again this year, you and your family will be staying home and will come by the next day. Stand your ground. She can make the choice- youve made yours. If its something less important, be willing to give a little. Maybe you just dont like Uncle Ed. He gives compliments that are more like insults. And his wife is really gossipy. At that point, the hill may not be worth dying on. Maybe they just like to start arguments? They cant do it if you know in advance and are determined not to argue! Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love- Ephesians 4:2 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you -Colossians 3:12-13 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone - Romans 12:18 So tell yourself in advance- if theres a problem and were at war, it wont be my fault. And I refuse to participate in it. Again- save the mortar for the big targets

How it changes Christmas gatherings: It gives you a grid for deciding when to fight/leave and when to flex/compromise- kills some of the anxiety. Gives you a chance to communicate major issues in advance, seeking peace and reconciliation

3- MY KID BEAT UP YOUR HONOR STUDENT

Family carries history that sometimes is hard to erase- even with the eraser principle. Adults remember and carry with them the scars of growing up in imperfect families -and they all are, arent they? "Mom always liked her better." "Dad always paid more attention to you." Competitive spirits can even be passed on to our children: "Oh, your daughter struggles with her weight? Wellmy Jenny is prom queen this year" "You lost your job? Let me show you pics of our new Jacuzzi! Did I tell you we just bought a new summer home?" Sallgood Principle- In the end, you and I know that material possessions dont make us happy, do they? And those who have to brag about who they are, how much they are loved or what they have, probably arent very happy. Happy people dont need to boast- theyre content with their lives and have no need to make others jealous. The Sallgood Principle is simple: I have what God has allowed me to have. And I know Jesus! So, in the end, it Sallgood! Determine that you will be, Grateful for what I have, not upset about how much you have. If they brag and boast and try to feel superior, compliment them. It will take the wind right out of their sails. And keep you from feeling inferior. You serve a big God who loves you in a big way. Why do you need anything else? Contentment with God and his love for you- just as you are- is greater than any prize this world has to offer. But her house is so big Sallgood! Tell yourself: I know who I am instead of needing you to tell me I live off Gods approval so I dont need yours Because, in the end, where you struggle with your value is an indicator of your faith. Choose Christ first and value becomes a moot point. You are a child of the living God. What else do you need? Additional Tips: - Know in advance its coming. You know who likes to brag and be competitive. Know it now and be ready for it.

- Smile and resist the urge to fight back. Give compliments and tell them you are grateful God has blessed them. - Look to the truth beyond the truth. How sad must she be to have the need to make others feel inferior just to feel good about herself? Pray for her. Sincerely and with heart. How it changes Christmas gatherings: Gives you peace, centers you on whats really important and places you outside the turmoil of the family

4- ACKNOWLEDGE THE EMPTY CHAIR

Christmas is a hard time for many families. Maybe for yours. A Dad, Mom, Brothers, Sister, Child is gone. Theyve died. Acknowledge it and spend some time remembering and honoring their life. Remember the loss, but celebrate the life Be sensitive if other family members cant see the empty chair right now. If possible, have a time in which you talk about your relative. But if some cant do so, be sensitive to that and wait until they can. How it changes Christmas gatherings: It brings healing to a family to be able to remember those who have passed on. And it reminds each person that all of us will face death at some point. It might even lead to an opportunity to share Gods love for all of us, demonstrated so well at that first Christmas. In the end, remember- you are a light to those who may not yet know Jesus. Plan it out- live it realmake it count. His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness - 2 Peter 1:3