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Finally, the An Ideal Husband script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Julianne Moore and Jeremy Northam. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewin gs of An Ideal Husband. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in th ere and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest. Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts! An Ideal Husband Script
.. tonight hosts a party that promises to be the highlight of the social calendar...
.. so common
Dear oh dear. They will never say that about me, will they, Phipps?
Till tonight.
Lord Goring!
Of course.
Gertrude.
Really?
What is unfashionable...
To love oneself...
Yes, my lord.
Lord Windermere.
Countess Basildon.
.. and you have brought into British politics an honesty and integrity...
Yes, in the old days we had the rack. Nowadays we have the press.
Where truth shines out like a beacon and lies run vainly for the shadows.
.. I'm nothing.
All I know is, a serious shake-up in the government looks inevitable now.
The Prime Minister himself was asking about you this morning.
Oh, my dear,...
Lady Markby.
- I have not seen you since Berlin. - Five years ago, Vicomte.
You are younger and more beautiful than ever. How do you manage it?
Mrs Cheveley.
Oh.
Thank you.
Lord Goring.
Well, sir, what are you doing here? Wasting your life, as usual!
I heard you were at Lady Rufford's dancing till four in the morning!
Brrrrr!
I have it on very good authority that you have some delightful Corots.
It's a pity he never wrote his memoirs. They'd have been most interesting.
Excuse me.
And so, my dear Arthur, are you not just a little bit pleased to see me?
Thank you.
Oh, I like tedious, practical subjects. I don't like tedious, practical people.
Yes.
But the Suez Canal was a very great and splendid undertaking.
And...
You must not. In your own interests, to say nothing of mine, you must not do that.
Amend that report to state the canal will be of great international value.
Pay me?
You are a man of the world and you have your price.
If you will allow me, I will call your carriage for you.
.. that you seem to be unable to realise you are talking to an English gentleman!
I am saying that I know the real origin of your wealth and your career...
I'm sorry I did not stay away later. I like being missed.
- I haven't told you half of them. - Really? Are the others very bad?
.. and the price I ask is your public support of the Argentine scheme.
Think of their joy and the delight they would have in tearing you down.
Sir Robert.
Infamous!
.. sooner or later.
I'm so glad.
And so glad, too, you had a chance to meet my husband, Mrs Cheveley.
Now that we have the same interests, we will be great friends, I hope.
Certainly.
You would be hounded out of public life. You would disappear completely.
My God!
Even you are not rich enough to buy back your past.
No man is.
During the season I only talk seriously on the first Tuesday in every month...
Shh! Father!
I only admit to
You are
Wife?!
Really?
Yes.
Who?
Smallish.
.. or should we go straight
.. except you'd make something useful out of my life and that would never do.
Poor Mr Trafford.
Ladies!
I have always said he was a man of exquisite taste and rare judgment.
He neglected to mention that you took the last good woman I know.
What's that saying about the sea and there being plenty of fish in it?
The question...
.. was prejudiced.
Benefit?
To whom?
Robert,...
Author!
Robert,...
.. indiscretion?
Oh, Gertrude, there is nothing in my past life that you might not know.
And yours...
Father always tells me to go to bed so I'm giving you the same advice.
- It's very kind of you to offer. - Don't mention it, Miss Mabel.
But the role of elder brother is being more than adequately performed...
.. to Mrs Cheveley...
.. and tell her that you cannot support this scheme of hers?
She must know at once that she has been mistaken in you.
Claridge's Hotel.
- No answer. - Sir.
Love me always.
Madam.
So, what brings you back to London after all these years?
Business or pleasure?
- I came because you asked me to. - And because you were curious.
To think...
- We were quite well suited. - Well, you were poor, I was rich.
It must have suited you very well, until you met the Baron, who was richer.
.. it's been so long now that I'd all but forgotten you.
Really? Well, as you know, I hate to stand between a man and his affairs.
Would you excuse me, gentlemen? Play the next hand without me.
That power...
.. power...
Cigar?
The answer...
.. is information.
Certainly.
Go on.
.. and, as the Baron well knew, I was working as his personal secretary.
In a subsequent transaction,...
And you?
Robert.
If I were to tell her, Arthur, I would lose the love of the one woman I worship.
Go on.
I see.
Wonderful speech!
.. I'm delighted to find you showing such a keen interest in women's politics.
Really?
Yes.
I suppose I...
Yes... In a way.
I mean,... the life that he's chosen for himself, by its own nature,...
- Compromises? - Yes.
What I mean is, once a man has set his heart and soul...
Well?
Yes, indeed.
Indeed.
Go on.
I mean, a letter
I cannot help but feel, Arthur, that you are wanting to tell me something.
What I really want to say, dear Gertrude, is that if for any reason...
.. come to me at once and know that I will help you in every way I can.
Lord Goring,...
I should like to, but I'm afraid I'm a little out of practice this morning.
I'm sorry, Mabel, I'm not in the mood for modern art.
Lord Goring.
Lord Goring... What dreadful manners you have, leaving just as I arrive.
So...
Eight o'clock.
Eight o'clock.
So...
So!
Mrs Cheveley,...
Thanks.
The higher education of men is what I'd like to see. Men need it so sadly.
Except their husbands. That is the one thing they never understand.
Goodbye, my dear.
You dislike me, I am aware of that, and I have always detested you.
It is not true!
Robert,...
Go.
Go at once.
.. unless you meet my terms, I think you'll find the worst is yet to come.
- You... you will not lie to me! - Gertrude, please, I must tell you!
I'm sorry.
Very sorry.
Should I?
Go.
Get out!
Yes, my lord.
Mmm?
Oh, my God!
Of course, sir!
.. between
and pm.
I will come and see you tomorrow. We can talk about anything then.
I hate seeing things through, Father, especially through someone else's eyes.
Oh, God!
Come in, Robert. But if you wouldn't mind waiting for a short while,...
Oh...
God!
My love is in ruins.
.. Gertrude.
I understand.
I understand, my lord.
No, I don't care for that lamp. It is too glaring. Light some candles.
Certainly, madam.
But women who have common sense are always so curiously plain.
.. Gertrude.
Thank you.
I-I see.
Robert,...
.. how much Gertrude means to you, how much you love her.
But she loves you, Robert. She cannot but forgive you.
Regret?
Yes, regret.
Nothing.
Oh, yes.
I do apologise,...
.. and treacherous.
Sir Robert.
I take it you two have been... planning this for some time!
Except marriage.
You can't have forgotten, we were engaged for at least three weeks.
So...
.. I knew you were the only person I'd ever cared for,...
So...
.. that you marry me, I will give you Robert Chiltern's letter.
That is my offer.
Quite serious.
I don't mind bad husbands. I've had two. They amuse me immensely.
The rest of your life, you can spend contemplating your own perfections.
I do that as it is.
I'm honoured.
- Arthur,... - Mmm?
Ask me again.
Ask me now.
Bonsoir.
.. that love...
To give...
I fear, though,...
And yet,...
.. if we are honest,...
Something...
Yes,...
I know, I know.
I understand and respect you all the more for the attempt.
I fear I must...
.. in truth,...
True.
- Gertrude! - Mabel.
Oh... strange.
Could we talk?
All I have learned leads me to reject and revile him for what he has done!
I'll look out for you at the Commons where at least I'll see your friend submit.
What confidence.
My liberty?
Go on.
Are you less certain of your friend's nature when your own future rests on it?
And I believe...
.. and to me.
Damn!
.. for Witney.
.. the projected Argentine canal merits the nation's attention and support.
Mr Speaker...
Excellent speech.
.. in politics.
What?
- Arthur! - Shh.
.. that I was...
.. mistaken...
.. in my original perceptions...
Ow, ow!
A genuine opportunity.
An opportunity,...
Now it is my utter conviction that this scheme never should have had...
This...
.. great nation...
The only remedy that I can see is to strike back and to strike now!
Hear, hear!
Hear, hear!
Order!
- Bravo! - As we stand...
.. to shed our...
To start again,...
.. to step unshackled...
.. in the face.
Hear, hear!
You might even confess to some faint and secret regret at its outcome.
Oh, yes, you see, I'm not really quite as wicked as you suppose.
Mrs Cheveley!
- Look, Robert...
Let women make no more ideals of men or they may ruin other lives...
Robert...!
Sorry?
"I need you after all. I'm coming to you now. "
.. when the letter arrives at his office first thing in the morning.
You've got a good man there, Gertrude. You should try to hold on to him.
It occurs to me this whole business is really just about you and me.
Lord Goring.
Congratulations.
Does he?
Yes, he does.
No, but when we saw you with that woman Mrs Cheeseley,...
Yes, we did.
.. are presumptuous.
You see,...
Oh, really?
Mmm, really.
Oh?
To look at a thing...
And one does not see anything until one sees its beauty.
Oh, really?
Yes... Really.
Oh, Mabel.
Um...
Goodnight.
I'm sure that nice Mr Trafford will have something to say to me...
Damn!
It is a great nuisance.
Well,...
Mmm.
So... that is what you were doing with that woman Mrs Cheveley?
Mmm.
Oh.
To us.
.. secret...
It's scandalous!
It's also the truth! In this case, it may be our best option.
Certainly not. And you must give me your word that you never will.
Robert.
Last night?
Well, of cour...
The name,...
She knew that when you left here you would come to me at once.
I delivered it myself.
You did?
Certainly.
And that's exactly what Lord Goring proceeded to do. Namely forget it...
Um...
Sorry.
I forgive you.
Thank you.
Is this true?
.. my...
Yes.
Y-Yes.
I...
This letter of yours... makes me feel that nothing that the world can do...
Oh, I...!
Oh.
Miss Mabel.
Miss Mabel.
I... er...
Is it a proposal?
Well,...
.. yes, it is.
It is?
Today is special.
I shall be in the conservatory under the second palm tree on the right.
Usual?
You have got what we want so much in political life - high character,...
Everything that you have not got, sir, and never will have.
I...
I beg your pardon. Will you prevent your husband from making such a...
You agree?
Lord Caversham.
Gertrude...
It is not the perfect but the imperfect who have need of love.
All I do know...
.. is that it takes courage to see the world in all its tainted glory...
Dear Gertrude,...
Lord Goring,...
What?
Oh... um...
- Oh. - Robert.
May I?
Of course.
Gertrude!
.. when I asked.
Can it be that...
Oh, goodness!
Forgive me.
Gertrude!
Gertrude, my wife!
I love you.
Mmm.
I love you.
Well,...
.. couldn't you...
- Really? - Mmm.
Thank you. Arthur, I wish there was something I could do to repay you.
You are your sister's guardian. I'd like your consent to our marriage.
Yes.
Darling,...
.. if they truly love each other, why should they not be married?
Very well.
Mabel,...
Robert,...
He was expecting...
.. about the letter being intended for you and... not for Arthur,...
.. well,...
.. you see,...
.. I lied!
Bravo.
Father!
I need a drink!
Me too!
.. I hope not.
Special help by SergeiK ############################################# Beauty Shop Script - Dialogue Transcript Voila! Finally, the Beautyshop script is here for all you quotes spouting fans o f the movie starring Queen Latifah . This script is a transcript that was pains takingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Beauty Shop. I know , I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally twea king it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest. Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts! Beauty Shop Script
WJLM
Your girl Helen's got an end zone you wouldn't believe. Baby!
Call me anytime
Hey, Nana.
Look at you!
Mom, it's not a pimp hat, it's fashion. Alicia Keys has the same one.
Lose the hat and the attitude. I'll meet you in the car. Go ahead.
- Vanessa! - Yeah?
Hi!
Told you.
- All right, have a good day. Love you. - Love you, too.
'Cause your girl Helen is doin' quite well. Thank you very much.
and got crunk with my trunk. If you know what I'm sayin'.
Y'all know I ain't lyin' to you. Just keepin' it real. For real. For real.
Or you know what? You'll be going hot and heavy with your boyfriend,
he squeeze too hard, that thing fly right out your mouth.
You just have to give me a bottle of that special conditioner you make.
Is she now? I thought the best thing to ever happen to Jorge's was Jorge.
Soon.
I got some crow's feet screaming for some Botox, so next week?
I'll be here.
Well, about that, just remember that in doing what you do,
So, that being said, you just have a marvelous day, ja?
- "Moniker"? - "Ma-nigga."
You know, you whites, you can't really say that word,
What?
Until then, I'm just gonna kick back, stack my chips at Jorge's...
- She can play, can't she? - Yeah, just like her daddy.
She don't have the same passion for it since he died, though.
Listen, a man like a lady in the streets and a freak in the bedroom.
You know, you got, what, seven kids? I'm telling you...
Terri is here.
I must go to Pilates.
Pronto, Gina.
Okay, I go now.
I'm having this major party for Steven and a few of his clients.
I don't know. I was just supposed to shampoo till an available chair opens.
No.
Come on back.
Yeah, I am.
You know, I just don't know what to do. I try to please him.
...out. - Shampooer.
I guess.
So don't forget you gotta drink a lot of water, take those vitamins,
Look, Lynn has her license. So I just told her to take a shot.
Right? The stylists here, they work for me, they don't work for you.
I showed you the proper respect when I took care of your client
So do I own you?
I've given you the lifestyle that you have grown accustomed to.
And, like all things, what Jorge giveth, Jorge can also taketh away.
You know what, Jorge? I don't need a damn thing from you.
Shoot. I quit.
I miss him.
- So do I. - Wait a minute.
Does this mean I'm gonna have to leave music school now?
But that's not where my heart is. It's time I owned somethin'.
But...
Stay still, now, or I'ma mess around and take your eye out.
Relax, woman.
All right.
Well, now you got her back. Try not to lose her.
Loan approved.
What?
That's cool.
What? Like
Thirty thousand dollars? What kind of shop can I buy with that?
Mama, that look like a big ol' hole in the ceilin' to me.
The realtor told me I'd be inheriting a few stylists, not a whole damn band.
and I was guessing you had done some work here before?
- Ladies.
Well, right now, I just need you to take care of this one thing for me.
Neither's the piano playing coming out of it, if you know what I'm saying,
and sort of stuff 'em back up in there so I can patch up the ceiling.
to
Well, don't let the doorknob hit you on the way out.
I guess I'm supposed to ignore the piano playin' comin' through it?
You think the ladies will like it when they come in tomorrow?
I just say, you know, I don't think it's all o' that. That's all.
For real. It's gonna take more than a new little paint job
This coming from a woman who had Popeye's cater her wedding.
Would y'all let the woman who own the shop talk?
Go on, Gina.
Go on.
Dang, girl. You got you a little Dream Team over there, huh?
And look, Auntie Gina, this one here is Venus Serena Marion Jones, Junior.
So, look, as of right now, no, I'm not gonna raise the booth rent,
Look, I'm trying to create an environment where you can come and relax.
And you never know, Oprah might come strollin' up in here one day.
Yeah, you know, if she mistook the place for, what, a Krispy Kreme joint?
You need to hush, little sister. You ain't got a pot to piss in.
Yes, she was! And just like Oprah, I wanna be the best.
And in order to be the best, we got to change the game a little bit.
Don't sit...
- What? - Okay?
If l... Maybe right here. Maybe it'll slip through the hole.
Am I late?
Lynn is one of the baddest hair stylists to ever set foot out of Augusta...
Blue Ridge.
As a stylist.
Hell, no!
Hell, no!
I'm sorry, but you doing a little too much around here, okay?
For real.
I'ma let you and little Miss Blue Ridge, here, you know, have the shop.
- I didn't mean to run 'em out. - No, no, don't even worry about it.
A'ight, anybody else leavin'? 'Cause this white bitch here is stayin'.
Chanel.
All right. Y'all, you wanna fly outta here with them birds?
I can have one of my other operators assist you, if you like, Miss...
Mrs. Towner.
Mrs. Towner.
Come on, now. Would you like some water or something, Mrs. Towner?
Not a problem.
...and I'm tellin' him to move back just a little bit, you know what I mean?
Damn! Look at you with that big ol' rock on your finger!
Yes, he does.
Well, you could do that or... you could let me do your hair.
I know how you like to roll. You like to keep it tight. I can tell.
And let me tell you somethin', I will have you lookin' fly as a mug courtside.
Did I tell you my name was Gina? I don't play about my edges.
My client has an important game tonight, and I'm trying to go with the P-l-M-P look.
Come again?
She quit.
She said that if anyone asks, that she was working down at Gina's.
Gina's salon.
Okay, well...
Today is your lucky day. I'll wash you myself. Come with me.
Have a seat.
Stacy! Stacy!
Well, Gina, I'm booking you, girl. When can you get me in?
: .
Y'all looking, sittin' over here, lookin' all done up and thang.
Gimme a quarter. I promised my mama I'd call her as soon as I fell in love.
Candy bars.
Come and get low wit' it. Shake it like a salt shaker.
you gonna have to learn how to be a little more courteous to the ladies.
Don't bring your little behind back here till you learn how to speak to a lady!
Don't you even try, girl. I don't know whose bike this is.
Hey, Nana.
Well, it was...
I'm gone.
Gina, I swear, it's more trouble havin' that girl than it was makin' her.
So. I must've put it on the brother. 'Cause the fool wouldr't leave me alone.
Get a restrainin' order. Piss the man off ard have him waitin'
I ain't seen that fool in ten years. H ain't lyin'. Ladies. Wrorg or right?
at www.how-to-shake-a-nigga.com.
I didn't know you could say the "N" word on the radio.
No, no, sweetie. She can say it, you just can't.
And no "bitches" and "hos," either. 'Cept for the ones who don't leave a tip.
I forgot.
Look good, don't it? I had to put a little Motherland flavor on it.
Some sexiness.
Ah, Lord!
Miss Josephine.
I rise."
I rise!
I rise!
Yeah, I rise!
All right, let's rise our asses back to work. Come on, now.
But it hurts so damn much. You don't want him comin' nowhere near it!
Girl, ain't nobody gonna come over to your house if they can't find it.
My man likes it trimmed and perfect. He even waxes his own brows.
Oh, girl, you got one o' them cryin' men, don't you?
and that one little tear starts rollin' down his face
She had to say Denzel. She couldn't have said Brad Pitt.
Hey, darlin'!
'cause, you know, Miss Angeline, well, she used to skim off my fish dinners.
Here, darlin', I'll always have a plate of food for you, Gina.
The monkey just jump right outta me. I don't know what happens to her.
Could you go ahead and park my car, and just let me tip you later, because...
'Scuse me? Gimme them damn keys! What's wrong with you?
- What are you doin' around here? - Look what Mindy at Jorge's did to me!
Look at these... Get yo' ass out of my window 'fore I call the police!
- You see them pervs over there? - You know, I really do miss Steven.
I bet he do.
Gina who?
Bye, Jorge.
Janet... Jackson.
- Why she gotta be crazy? - Well, you know, with the titty and all that.
No, I mean...
white.
You know what I mean. I'm not as hip as you guys are.
Don't get me wrong, I can handle the girls, as lame as I think they are.
But the fact is, I've only had one client since I got here,
Shoot. You think it wasn't hard bein' the only "moniker" up in the shop?
And eventually, it was like, blam! I was doin' the damn thing.
You keep eatin' like that, you gonna grow a big ol' Petey Pablo,
Lil Jon and the EastSide Boyz, Ying Yang Twin booty!
Big booty just like Ida got. You know, turnips did all o' that.
All right.
The oppressor.
Sign here.
Thanks. I do it myself.
Come on.
But even in the pen, I did braid all the homies' hair on the block.
Damn fine.
Thanks.
Thanks.
What the hell is you talkin' about? You ain't got no hair.
Let me just take care o' her and then I'll definitely gon' get back to you,
'cause in my mind, I'm still tryin' to figure out how I'm gonna...
and the rest from fightin' the brothers off that booty.
No, sh...
Cappuccino?
Swish-swish.
Hold on.
It's a Darnelle.
What up, D?
You where?
How does a grown-ass woman get herself into this kind of trouble?
It don't matter.
You gonna have to start makin' some better choices with these men.
and let the chicks from "C" Block pass you around for a carton o' cigarettes.
- You gonna tell my mom about this? - No, I ain't gonna tell your mama.
I should.
Thank you, okay? Thank you. Look, I'm sorry and I'll pay you back.
Cappuccino?
Cappuccino? Water?
Lookin' like a piece o' red velvet cake, so nice and sweet.
If you want, you can come be in it. Come shake a little somethin'.
You ain't gotta wear no fishnet. You could just wear a T-shirt.
He the one look like the old dude on the oatmeal box, right?
Is that a purse?
A man bag?
How do you get to know someone without trying to get to know someone?
It don't matter.
And you need to show people that you tryin' to fit in, girl.
everything you have been doin' around here with the beauty shop,
- Thank you, hon. - But if you wanna let these divas have it,
I know that's right! I done talked to you about slammin' in front of my shop!
Oh, my God.
Hi, Gina!
- Right? - Right.
I got hips, thighs and don't discriminate against pies, you feel me?
But. Ladies. Y'all with this gettin' your stomach stapled just to lose weight?
Y'all know damn well that ain't no staples in the stomach gonna stop you
from poppin' one o' yo' mama's famous biscuits in the mouth.
Am I in line?
Holler!
- Gimme some of that thug love. - Thank you for comin' to see me.
Oh, man!
Come on, get with the money train and let's ride.
Money train?
They'll be a'ight.
Word for today is "chutzpah." It is... if you don't... do you know that word?
Amazing grace
Dang! Are y'all havin' a slumber party? Y'all didn't invite me?
that I saw that inspector dude over there at the barber shop.
And I don't tell the fellas right here that you got a Rolex in that briefcase.
I will.
Bye, ladies.
Bye, Joe.
Miss Norris.
When Miss Angeline owned this place, I ain't never seen y'all up in here.
It's all very nice, very nice, but there's a new state regulation
Get up to speed, Miss Norris. One more of those... closed for good.
Ladies.
A thousand dollars?!
I mean, it's like I take two steps forward to get knocked three steps back.
Can you go down to the bank and ask 'em to increase your loan?
Ask for a increase? I'm barely keepin' up with the payments I got now.
We need Jesus.
Hey, y'all.
I wonder why.
My bad, Gina.
Glen just came down from New York, and I hadn't seen him.
What's this?
But, look, if a dude wanna pay my bills, I'm gonna let him pay my bills.
You know what? Shut up, Darnelle, 'cause you sound real stupid right now.
Okay? You just lazy. You lazy and you wastin' your life.
: .
And this is not a coffee shop. If you want to eat, you eat in the back.
Doughnuts!
If you change your mind and you don't want any, they'll be in the back.
Look at you!
You grew.
Yes, I did.
Maybe later.
how wonderful your new place was and dragged her down to see you.
And not a moment too soon. Girl, what you doin' with that hair?
Did you get yours from Bernard at the Piggly Wiggly in Decatur?
Piggly Wiggly?
He works here?
That he does.
Bitch.
So, if you had to take a wild guess, how many grams of fat
Matter of fact, I found every fat you could find to put in my greens.
pork chop, pork rinds, and I got bacon bits in these greens.
Please tell me you have some of that magic potion hair stuff for me.
Why you holdin' out, Gina? Hook us up with some o' your hair crack.
Yes, I did.
Now, you see all this right here, all this ludicrousness goin' on here?
Okay, this implant, plastic surgery stuff? It's more of a white girl thing.
I'm just sayin', you know, we don't get all crazy like y'all do.
Now, I may get a couple o' unruly back or chest hairs plucked,
What?
So, what I'm saying is, you know, some folks, you know,
have to pay to look good, while other are just born that way.
Come on, let's go get this hair done. So you need to shampoo...
Why don't you get your things together so I can take you to church to practice?
Have you decided what you wanna play for your recital yet?
Shoot.
Sorry.
Callin'-me-out-my-name heifers.
Clown.
Yo, whassup, V?
Whatever.
Are you down for some Krispy Kreme? I got the hook-up.
So, you and your two play cousins can get to steppin'!
Hey, baby.
Go get a drink, listen to some music, just chill out for the rest of the day.
Baby, don't work the whole day away. I'll bring you back.
I know, but you know what? I've really gotta work, 'cause Gin...
Shut your rantin' ass and get in my car, you hear me?
I know I just didn't see you put yo' hands on that girl.
- I'll burn yo' ass. - Hold on, hold on, hold on.
I hate violence.
You come here talkin' all that stuff and you got knocked out!
Now, see, Willie got it all on camera and he sell 'em in the hood for . !
Remember me?
The name is Lynn, and I'm a stylist now, for your F.Y.I.
So?
So... yup.
No, actually, I took the "Yaguar," and it's good to see you, too, Gina.
Gina, I am Jorge.
I was curious about the place that's been stealing all of my best clients.
you know, Gina, I want you to know I'm truly sorry for my words.
I mean, I wish no ill will upon you or your shop or your peeps.
Right?
It can't be easy, what with the overhead and the paying of the fine
'cause believe me, baby, I've been there and back to the other place.
Congratulations on the twins, but I see that they are not identical.
They wanna meet with you, fly you to New York, talk some business.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
- You talkin' about that hair crack? - Yes, I'm talkin' about the ha...
They can call it whatever they want, as long as they sell it.
Tonight we goin' out and we celebratin'. We are gettin' it on, we gettin' tipsy...
Hey, baby.
I just want to say thank you so much for hangin' in there with me, y'all.
I ain't gonna front. When I met y'all at Miss Angeline's that mornin',
Until them two birds left the shop, and then I had the best!
"Whether it's the arch o' your back or the sun o' your smile,
"the ride o' your breasts or the grace o' your style.
Yes, it is.
Now, please, say yes so it can look like I have a little bit of game.
So, Lynn...
Move what?
All these beautiful black girls and he goes straight for the white girl.
The boy is gayer than Peter Pan on a pair o' ice skates.
- I see somethin' I need. Come on, now. - I'ma show her how you really do that.
Come on.
Okay, now, listen. If they call you and they need some more...
Could you carry this to my car for me? It's just outside.
Firm.
Doing what?
Yes, we are.
Yeah, I understand...
What's the matter, Lynn? You afraid James might grow tired
of your wannabe-black girl routine and fall for somethin' real, like me?
Real?
Since when are two air bags for breasts real, Joanne?
Excuse me?
and your tetherball titties to leave her man alone, all right?
Now, look, y'all are grown women. Y'all can work this out.
No.
You know what? You can forget about your meeting with CoverGirl.
How's that?
I still have men checking the area. I'll let you know if we find something.
Thanks.
You try doin' your own thing, and then somethin' like this happens.
You will.
It's okay.
And now, coming to the stage for a piano solo... Vanessa Norris.
Come here.
Surprise!
This is crazy.
This is nice.
It is.
Why not?
- Money. Did you bring any o' that? - The point is, Gina, we're here.
Child, I done been to five shops in four blocks and all them bitches is booked.
Anybody, please.
Thank you.
Hell, y'all all knew he was cheatin' on me. Now I know and now I'm free.
Well, good for you. Hey, Ida, why don't you hook Terri up?
He just got out the pen, but he don't mind goin' back early.
- I just might take you up on that. - All right, come on, sit down.
Oh, shoot! Look what the collard greens did to her booty!
Thank you.
But you brightened my day as soon as you came through that door.
No, it ain't goin' down like that. How you doin', Miss Gina?
What is this?
No, I'm just closing up, so I'll meet you at the spa, ja?
I bet you I'm the last person on earth you expected to see in here, huh?
Well, I'm afraid I don't have time for such a sudden intrusion.
and figure out how you can burn my place down this time?
Gina, I just love it when you let that imagination of yours run wild.
It's so street.
You know, comin' by my salon, talkin' 'bout how hard it is to own a business,
what with the payin' o' fines and the State Board comin' by.
You should be a little more secretive about the way you do dirt.
Kinda like what you try to be but don't really pull off.
Have a nice ride back to that rib shack you call a shop!
Hotlarta! Whassup?
Gina, telephone.
Ask her if she'd give a shout out to my kid, Venus Serena Marion Jones, Junior!
for hookin' my head up for my cousin Shondrella's weddin' a couple o' days ago.
My man came over last right and kinda sweated out my flip!
Now, see, that's what got you in trouble the last time.
and let 'em hook you up with some of Gina's famous hair crack conditioner.
I'ma let you ladies in the shop pick Helen's topic for the day.
I'll holler!
Talk about how come there's never a black man as The Bachelor. Okay?
You know what? I think you should talk about people who name their kids
No, let's talk about legalizin' marijuana, 'cause my glaucoma's gettin' bad now.
After some good lovin', I like to go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs for damn sho'!
W atch t, y'all
Big ups to you, Gina. I'll be callin' you in a minute for a touch-up.
Y'all keep holdin' it down. I'll holler. Holler! Special help by SergeiK ######### Hitch Script - Dialogue Transcript Voila! Finally, the Hitch script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Will Smith, Eva Mendes, and Kevin James This script is a transc ript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Hitch. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be e ternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a lin e. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest. Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts! Hitch Script
Basic principles:
Now, she might say, "This is a really bad time for me."
Or my personal favorite:
It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space.
but what she's really saying is, "Get away from me now."
Body language.
% is your tone.
Toby!
Shit!
What else is she gonna say? She doesn't even know you.
Yet.
even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it.
Oh, my God!
any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet.
She may not want the whole truth, but she does want the real you.
She may not want to see it all at once, but she does want to see it.
So tonight, when you're wondering what to say, how you look, or if she likes you...
That means she said yes when she could have said no.
That means she made a plan when she could have just blown you off.
So that means it is no longer your job to try to make her like you.
The shoes are hot. You went to the place I told you?
It's supposed to be and clear tonight. So when you leave the club, walk a little.
you'll have something better to say than, "I like your mouth."
Ready.
No way.
But what I can tell you, is that it happens in the blink of an eye.
And the next, you're wondering how you ever lived without them.
Three dates, and I'll get you here, to the high-stakes medal round...
will tell them everything they need to know about the relationship.
What is it about guys that makes them want to screw anything that walks...
even when they're going out with someone as awesome as Allegra Cole?
She's only the most fabulous thing walking around New York.
Thanks, Young.
Even if he is gorgeous.
- And apparently never left the office. - I know, isn't that great?
- I don't have time for a boyfriend. - You said that two years ago.
Besides, relationships are for people waiting for something better to come along.
You know, kiddo, there is more to life than watching other people live it.
For you to sip mai tais? I don't think so. Get out.
You know what your problem is, Hitch? You're all about the short game.
All of us are not married to the woman of our dreams and about to have a baby.
- Is this really barroom talk? - You need to listen to me. I'm serious.
His mom?
Casey, he was hitting on you while he was buying lingerie for another woman.
- I prefer the mother story. - I know you do, but that's not the point.
No, the point is I'm not gonna start out assuming the guy's a liar.
Are you saying you don't wanna talk to them because you can't go home with them?
- Really? - Absolutely.
On that happy note, I'm gonna go see if anybody interesting came in tonight.
Bye.
Then you're gonna home, and I'll take them back to my apartment.
Well, that sounds like fun for me. But you might want to get in line, pal.
Hey, baby, can I get a couple Coronas at the pool table, please? Thanks.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry. The paramedics will have to come to get my foot out of my mouth, sweetheart.
How else was I supposed to get you away from all those guys?
But like any late bloomer, I was eager to make up for lost time.
I love you.
Cressida!
But I love you. What did I do wrong? Just tell me what I did wrong.
You know, not just for anybody. But, man, for her... Yeah.
Well, I'm one of them. I'm the junior man on the account.
Alive?
I mean, you don't think I know how ridiculous this is? I know, okay?
You know what it's like getting up every morning feeling hopeless?
Feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man?
But at the same time, hoping that she still finds happiness...
That's good.
It is?
Michelangelo.
Sistine Chapel.
Take it easy.
Oh, my God!
But what I would really like, and what I was wondering is...
I've seen the business plan and the samples look fantastic.
Let us come up with a range of investments that we think you might be interested in...
and next month, we'll run the whole lot of them by you.
Okay.
I'd like to see anybody in this room handle the attention and publicity...
that she's had to deal with her whole life, with half her class.
We should be taking advice from you, Miss Cole. Not the other way around.
Oh, my God.
Relax.
Yes. Hi.
What's up?
- People don't usually talk to me like that. - Close your mouth, man.
Stand up.
do you think that you and I could get together sometime this week?
Financial things.
I'd like to see the areas where I can afford to take some risks.
Good job.
Oh, damn.
She's some kind of newspaper columnist. Comes in here once in a while. Great tipper.
Hi.
Thank you.
And I couldn't help but notice you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
Chip, seriously, that was not code for, "I wish you'd try harder."
Are you always so shut-down and afraid that the right man might make you...
Sorry I'm late, honey. I couldn't get a cab. How was the meeting?
You, too.
which means you had a hell of a week and a beer just wouldn't do it.
there's always the "fuck off" that you have stamped on your forehead.
Who'd believe there's a man out there that can sit by a woman he doesn't know...
and genuinely be interested in who she is, what she does, without his own agenda?
But then he'd ask her name and what she did for a living...
And then he'd ask all these penetrating questions about her...
No.
Wouldn't help.
They'd both probably go on to lead the lives they were headed toward.
What?
- Can I get you something to drink, Mr... - No, I'm fine, thank you.
and you knew right away she was gonna be important to you?
But anyway, the girl I met, the one I was talking about...
She gives me her number. Now she won't return my phone calls.
I don't know what it is about her. I just can't get her out of my mind.
You know, food has lost its taste. Colors, they seem dull.
Excuse me?
You know, bang her. Clear my head. Get in, get off, get out.
Let me make one thing clear to you, rabbi. I need professional help.
And I'm glad you can admit it because generally that's the hardest part.
People can wince, cry, beg, but eventually they do what I want.
So when I do this...
this is more like me saying that I will literally break your shit off...
Got it.
No.
Pablo, I can't just mention your restaurant. Somebody has to eat there.
Okay. Bye.
I hate it when a guy calls a girl who did not give him her number.
And I was wondering if you'd mind taking it down for dinner Friday night. Over.
a.m.
Saturday.
I have a date.
An excuse to be obnoxious?
Breakfast, Sunday. And you can barely even call that a date.
You do that with out-of-town relatives that you don't even like. Over.
Come on.
Yeah.
Sunday.
: .
So, what do you wanna do? Race me around the Statue of Liberty?
If there's time.
- Bam. - Wow.
How do I look?
Fabulous.
Where do I change?
So we'll go past the wall, then take a left. It's pretty much a straight shot from there.
- Straight shot to where? - That's for me to know and you to find out.
I don't know. What if you break mine, too? Then we'll both be sitting ducks.
I don't know how you guys make it through the day with them.
Thank you.
I have lower back trouble. I just shove the ice packs right down there.
I have to admit, I have lived in New York my whole life and I've never been here.
with dirt removed during the construction of the New York subway system.
- Did you know this? - Yeah. That's why I brought you here.
to an inspector's ledger.
By
The plaque explains how different cultures kiss after long absences.
I mean...
- Really? - Yeah.
What?
you can't really know where you're going until you know where you've been.
What is that?
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry.
So my family never saw him again. Well, except for on the Wanted posters.
It's just one of those horrible family legacies we've all tried to forget.
No, it was...
Thanks.
- Bye. - Bye-bye.
Taxi!
Right?
- You should try mine, it's great. - Wait. You're seeing him again?
Which he did.
Women like Allegra Cole don't pick up numbers they don't recognize.
Hello?
Sky Studios.
Designer friend.
I just thought it might be something your designer friend would be interested in.
Yeah, definitely.
- Hi, there.
Late as usual.
Accounting, business...
One more.
in a non-sleazy way.
Watch your hand placement. Too high says, "I just wanna be friends."
which means that when people talk to her, they'll ignore you completely.
When she does, shake hands hard and speak up. Let them know you're there.
Women can always tell when you're not being real with them.
Worst thing you can do is try to fake it, because you are a great guy.
And you do have something to offer Allegra that no other man does.
Egon.
A woman's best friend has to sign off on all big relationship decisions.
I'm Maggie.
Maggie.
Anything I see.
in an old movie.
That's a beautiful tie, by the way. This whole thing, it just works.
Thank you.
I like him.
I'm not worried about dancing. But if there are people there...
But the feet are going. I start the fire, I make the pizza.
Don't ever...
do that again.
Right here.
None of this.
Next subject.
Get out.
Thanks.
- I thought he was a bodyguard. - I'm the only one who will need protection.
When I got the train this morning, I thought it was gonna be a good day.
No, that's you being a lot of something you don't need to ever be again.
One dance, one look, one kiss. That's all we get, Albert.
"Oh, he's just some guy I went to some thing with once."
All right?
Is that a problem?
Not that she's gonna act on it. So it's no real big deal.
- All right, it's no big deal then. - It's a very big deal!
- Huge.
- Monumental!
- What do you mean? - Just show me how you would kiss me.
You see what I'm doing? This is a signal. I'm fiddling with my keys.
takes her keys out, puts them in the door, goes in the house.
I'm fiddling.
No.
This is what most guys do. They rush in to take the kiss.
%% .
Okay,
%% - %% . Got it.
with a beard.
What's up?
%% .
- What the hell was that? - I'm showing you the magic!
%%!
%%!
They came together, they danced together, and they left together.
Look, it says here the tickets went to some guy named Alex Hitchens.
What?
Machine.
Okay, bye.
A source.
Just checking.
I wasn't sure you called the right guy. You must be a glutton for punishment.
Happens once a month, all around the city. Different chefs, different venues.
Good. Because that's my boss and his wife right over there.
Interesting.
In a couple of years, we're gonna end up bricked into our apartment like a Poe story.
How was the Sky Studio fashion thing you went to the other night?
No.
April and then you don't see him again till April .
Why is that?
Around these two, people usually can't wait to name-drop and dish their friends...
- Wow. - What?
over it.
Benadryl.
Come on!
No.
I'm telling you, people search their whole lives trying to find the...
I wouldn't know.
Sometimes it's really hard to see the forest through the sleaze.
Yep.
Let's go.
I haven't had a roommate since college, and he upped and married my sister.
Uncle Hitch.
Thank you.
- Good.
Relaxed.
Younger, right?
Yeah, I guess.
What?
I was
the next moment you're standing in the rain watching your life fall apart.
You know...
it definitely...
Left a scar?
Yeah.
Or skate.
Sara, you're such an idiot! You moron! What the hell did you think?
Good.
I gotta go to work.
Bye.
Goodbye.
not?
With who?
Vance Munson. And you're right, there's no way he ever had a mother.
That bad?
He told me all these intimate things, like how he can't taste food...
- Maybe I'll just die alone after all. - No, you won't.
You'll meet a great guy with a great smile and you'll travel the world together.
And if I ever meet him, the only date he's gonna need is with a real doctor.
That's him.
You don't wanna talk, that's fine. I'm going to write this anyway.
What? Nice.
I can only imagine how the trading floor guys will react when they see this.
I know this.
Are we satisfied?
Almost.
No, but I see my front and maybe we should be starting with some sit-ups.
Hello?
I'm good.
under which you'd consider facial edema and pharmaceutical intervention a date?
Probably not.
Because obviously going anywhere public with you is out of the question.
What is that?
Almost done!
Friday?
Can't. I told a friend I'd go speed dating. You know, for moral support.
Great.
Great date.
- Date? - Yeah.
How does a guy like that end up with a girl like her?
Really? Tonight is your lucky night. Let's see what you got.
Damn me.
Thanks.
Good night.
- Allegra. - Yes?
Hold on.
Good night.
Good night.
- Incoming. - Really?
Basic principles:
Take a look.
What? Sara.
Why wouldn't I?
Louise made an interesting observation on the way home the other night.
He'll have to hide behind a lot more than that once this hits the fan.
Thanks a lot, Raoul. Send her up. And stop calling me papi.
Wow!
So this is it.
I'll bet.
Tough day?
Well, you know what? You can just sit back and relax.
Spanish wine!
So, Hitch.
I guess it depends.
I don't do interviews.
But if you'd like to get back to the evening, I'd be happy to sit and talk.
- I'm telling you, that's him. - He doesn't look anything like him.
I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that he did not hire you.
the gong.
Case, you are a living testimonial to the triumph of hope over experience.
I know it's lame. I'm sure it's the last thing you feel like doing.
Bye.
Excuse me.
...the sun comes up, the ice really starts to fall apart.
You're in my seat.
Basically, I like outdoor sports. But indoor sports have their place, too.
The truth? You wouldn't know the truth if it kicked you in the head.
- You want to sit down? Here you go. Gong! - Thank you.
Excuse me.
which isn't actually where I want to be. But it's a good house...
Does it ever occur to women that maybe a guy might like to have a plan...
He's not sure that he could just walk up to you and you'd respond if he said:
- That sounds good to me. - True, you can't tell them you like them.
was when everything was going wrong or when you were stoned out of your head.
We're sorry. Why don't you guys get back to your date?
Or go somewhere.
If this doesn't work out, call him. He might hook you up with Paris Hilton.
Am I missing something?
Why don't you go hit a titty bar with your buddy Vance?
Wow.
- You trick women into getting... - Into getting out of their own way...
Had a job.
Actually, I do.
You...
complete me.
No comment.
I came to apologize.
- I guess Casey's right. My best friend... - Don't worry about it. We're straight.
I'm not someone who likes to get involved past a certain point.
You didn't.
That's a relief.
I see a cab and I wanna dive in front of it, because then I'll stop thinking about her.
You can make it so you don't ever have to feel like this.
Ever again.
I get it.
You're selling this stuff, but you don't believe in your own product.
Taxi!
Mr. Hitchens.
- Really? - Eventually.
Maybe.
Like at boarding school when everyone used to tease me because I couldn't whistle.
And having him dance like a buffoon knowing that I can't dance, either.
Then telling him to drop mustard on his shirt, so I'd feel less like a dork.
So, wait...
It was adorable.
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
That's good.
- Who?
What?
You.
For a whole lot of reasons that don't make any sense to me.
I know deep...
that I want...
I want to be miserable.
Because, hey...
We should just both go our separate ways and then we'll do just fine.
No such thing.
What I do know is he'll never feel about you the way that I do.
- You okay?
Because otherwise...
And there's only one person that makes me feel like I can fly.
That's you.
No.
I love you.
This is the guy I was telling you about. Hitch, that's my sister, Maria.
Her husband.
Oh, my God!
Basic principles: