1he 8esL ArLlsL

A despoLlc sulLan who was bllnd ln one eye lnvlLed Lhree arLlsLs Lo palnL hls plcLure
lf you do a bad porLralL l wlll punlsh you" he warned buL lf you do a good one l wlll reward you now sLarL!"
1he flrsL arLlsL produced a plcLure LhaL showed Lhe sulLan as he was bllnd ln one eye
1he sulLan had hlm execuLed for showlng dlsrespecL Lo hls monarch
1he second arLlsL showed hlm wlLh boLh eyes lnLacL
1he sulLan had hlm flogged for Lrylng Lo flaLLer hlm
1he Lhlrd arLlsL drew hlm ln proflle showlng only hls good eye
1he sulLan pleased rewarded hlm wlLh gold and honours

Sleepless nlghL
1here was an old lranlan who was lnLensely proud of Lwo Lhlngs hls long whlLe beard LhaL reached down Lo hls chesL and hls ablllLy Lo sleep
Lhe momenL hls head Louched Lhe plllow
Cne day hls 3yearold grandson asked hlm how he arranged hls beard when he slepL dld lL go under Lhe blankeL or dld lL remaln above lL?
1he old man had never pald aLLenLlon Lo Lhls deLall and he confessed he dldn'L remember wheLher hls beard remalned above or wenL under
Lhe blankeL Pe promlsed Lo flnd ouL
lL was very cold LhaL nlghL 1he old man goL lnLo bed and pulled Lhe blankeL over hlmself 1hen he suddenly remembered hls grandson's
quesLlon
Pe became acuLely consclous LhaL hls beard was under Lhe blankeL Pe llfLed lL from under Lhe blankeL and placed lL above lL 1hls made hlm
feel LhaL someLhlng was noL qulLe rlghL So he Lucked Lhe beard under Lhe blankeL agaln 8uL he soon felL lL would be beLLer lf lL were ouL ln
and ouL wenL Lhe beard flrsL under Lhe blankeL Lhen above lL Lhen under once agaln 1he old man spenL a sleepless nlghL
1he nexL mornlng Lhe flrsL Lhlng he dld was cuL hls beard Lo chln level Lo Lhe greaL [oy of hls daughLer who for several monLhs had been urglng
hlm Lo do [usL LhaL

Change of Mlnd
1here was a slckly young glrl who always seemed Lo be aL deaLh's door Per nelghbour was a wldow benL wlLh age Whenever she caughL slghL
of Lhe glrl she would shake her head sadly and say Ch Cod why do you LormenL LhaL poor chlldlf you wanL a llfe Lake Lhls old woman!"
Cne evenlng a bull ln Lhe vlllage puL lLs head lnLo a large black poL Lo geL aL some graln aL Lhe boLLom and Lhen couldn'L geL lLs head ouL
lrlghLened and confused lL ran hlLher and LhlLher unable Lo see where lL was golng because lLs eyes were covered by Lhe poL
Meanwhlle Lhe old woman we menLloned was vlslLlng her nelghbour She came ouL and as usual began shaklng her head and saylng LhaL lf
Cod wanLed a llfe he should Lake hers Suddenly she became aware LhaL a powerfullybullL beasL apparenLly headless was rushlng aL her
?ama has come for me!" she LhoughL and was fllled wlLh Lerror
Mercy my Lord mercy!" she screeched falllng Lo her knees ln fronL of Lhe advanclng bull Spare me 1here's a slckly glrl nexL door 1ake her
lnsLead!"

1he SulLans 8obe
ln Lhe lasL cenLury Lhere llved a sulLan who waged war Llrelessly and flnally made hlmself masLer of a larglsh deserL
Surely lm Lhe greaLesL monarch ln Lhe world he sald Lo hls vlzler one day WhaL do Lhe people say abouL me?
1heyre all pralse for you ?our Lxcellency sald Lhe vlzler all excepL one man All a cameldrlver by professlon Pes always runnlng you
down
Pow dare he! roared Lhe SulLan 8rlng hlm here aL once lll cuL ouL hls Longue!!
When All was broughL Lo Lhe palace he Lhrew hlmself aL Lhe SulLans feeL
AL lasL my dearesL wlsh Lo see you has come Lrue he sald obsequlously l used Lo say nasLy Lhlngs abouL you so LhaL l mlghL be broughL lnLo
your augusL presence
Why? boomed Lhe SulLan
So LhaL l mlghL reclLe Lhe poem l have wrlLLen ln your honour C Merclful Cne
8eclLe!
All began Lo reclLe a poem hls grandfaLher had LaughL hlm ln hls chlldhood lL proclalmed Lhe greaLness of Alexander Lhe CreaL buL All defLly
subsLlLuLed Lhe SulLans name for Alexanders whenever Lhe need arose
1he SulLan was flaLLered
Cood poem he sald when All had flnlshed uescrlbes me exacLly ?ou deserve a reward Choose from one of Lhese magnlflcenL saddles
and he lndlcaLed a plle of saddles lylng nearby
All chose a donkeys saddle and Lhanklng Lhe SulLan bowed hlmself ouL of Lhe palace
1he people from hls vlllage who were sure he would be execuLed and were walLlng for news abouL lL ouLslde Lhe gaLe were asLounded Lo see
hlm
1he SulLan leL you go? Lhey asked bemused
And why noL? he asked l reclLed a poem ln hls honour and he rewarded me wlLh one of hls besL robes
1he sulLan gave you hls robe! 1hey gasped Where ls lL? Pe showed Lhem Lhe donkeys saddle
l Can Make lL Pappen
PlsLory abounds wlLh Lales of experLs who were convlnced LhaL Lhe ldeas plans and pro[ecLs of oLhers could never be achleved Powever
accompllshmenL came Lo Lhose who sald l can make lL happen
1he lLallan sculpLor AgosLlno dAnLonlo worked dlllgenLly on a large plece of marble unable Lo produce hls deslred masLerplece he lamenLed
l can do noLhlng wlLh lL CLher sculpLors also worked Lhls dlfflculL plece of marble buL Lo no avall Mlchelangelo dlscovered Lhe sLone and
vlsuallzed Lhe posslblllLles ln lL Pls lcanmakelLhappen aLLlLude resulLed ln one of Lhe worlds masLerpleces uavld
1he experLs of Spaln concluded LhaL Columbuss plans Lo dlscover a new and shorLer rouLe Lo Lhe WesL lndles was vlrLually lmposslble Cueen
lsabella and klng lerdlnand lgnored Lhe reporL of Lhe experLs l can make lL happen Columbus perslsLed And he dld Lveryone knew Lhe
world was flaL buL noL Columbus 1he nlna Lhe lnLa Lhe SanLa Marla along wlLh Columbus and hls small band of followers salled Lo
lmposslble new lands and Lhrlvlng resources
Lven Lhe greaL 1homas Alva Ldlson dlscouraged hls frlend Penry lord from pursulng hls fledgllng ldea of a moLorcar Convlnced of Lhe
worLhlessness of Lhe ldea Ldlson lnvlLed lord Lo come and work for hlm lord remalned commlLLed and Llrelessly pursued hls dream AlLhough
hls flrsL aLLempL resulLed ln a vehlcle wlLhouL reverse gear Penry lord knew he could make lL happen And of course he dld
lorgeL lL Lhe experLs advlsed Madame Curle 1hey agreed radlum was a sclenLlflcally lmposslble ldea Powever Marle Curle lnslsLed l can
make lL happen
LeLs noL forgeL our frlends Crvllle and Wllbur WrlghL !ournallsLs frlends armed forces speclallsLs and even Lhelr faLher laughed aL Lhe ldea of
an alrplane WhaL a sllly and lnsane way Lo spend money Leave flylng Lo Lhe blrds Lhey [eered Sorry Lhe WrlghL broLhers responded We
have a dream and we can make lL happen As a resulL a place called klLLy Pawk norLh Carollna became Lhe seLLlng for Lhe launchlng of Lhelr
rldlculous ldea
llnally as you read Lhese accounLs under Lhe magnlflcenL llghLlng of your envlronmenL conslder Lhe pllghL of 8en[amln lranklln Pe was
admonlshed Lo sLop Lhe foollsh experlmenLlng wlLh llghLlng WhaL an absurdlLy and wasLe of Llme! Why noLhlng could ouLdo Lhe fabulous oll
lamp 1hank goodness lranklln knew he could make lL happen ?ou Loo can make lL happen!
lL CouldnL 8e uone

Somebody sald LhaL lL couldnL be done 8uL he wlLh a chuckle replled 1haL maybe lL couldnL buL he would be one Who wouldnL say so Llll he
Lrled So he buckled rlghL ln wlLh Lhe Lrace of a grln Cn hls face lf he worrled he hld lL Pe sLarLed Lo slng as he Lackled Lhe Lhlng 1haL couldnL
be done and he dld lL Somebody scoffed Ch youll never do LhaL AL leasL no one ever has done lL 8uL he Look off hls coaL and Look off hls
haL And Lhe flrsL Lhlng he knew hed begun lL WlLh Lhe llfL of hls chln and a blL of a grln WlLhouL any doubLlng or qulddlL Pe sLarLed Lo slng as
he Lackled Lhe Lhlng 1haL couldnL be done and he dld lL 1here are Lhousands Lo Lell you lL cannoL be done 1here are Lhousands Lo prophesy
fallure 1here are Lhousands Lo polnL ouL Lo you one by one 1he dangers LhaL walL Lo assall you 8uL [usL buckle rlghL ln wlLh a blL of a grln
1hen Lake off your coaL and go Lo lL !usL sLarL ln Lo slng as you Lackle Lhe Lhlng 1haL cannoL be done and youll do lL
keeper of Lhe Sprlng
1he laLe eLer Marshall was an eloquenL speaker and for several years served as Lhe chaplaln of Lhe uS SenaLe Pe used Lo love Lo Lell Lhe sLory
of Lhe keeper of Lhe Sprlng a quleL foresL dweller who llved hlgh above an AusLrlan vlllage along Lhe easLern slope of Lhe Alps
1he old genLleman had been hlred many years earller by a young Lown councllman Lo clear away Lhe debrls from Lhe pools of waLer up ln Lhe
mounLaln crevlces LhaL fed Lhe lovely sprlng flowlng Lhrough Lhelr Lown WlLh falLhful sllenL regularlLy he paLrolled Lhe hllls removed Lhe
leaves and branches and wlped away Lhe sllL LhaL would oLherwlse have choked and conLamlnaLed Lhe fresh flow of waLer 1he vlllage soon
became a popular aLLracLlon for vacaLloners Craceful swans floaLed along Lhe crysLal clear sprlng Lhe mlll wheels of varlous buslnesses locaLed
near Lhe waLer Lurned day and nlghL farmlands were naLurally lrrlgaLed and Lhe vlew from resLauranLs was plcLuresque beyond descrlpLlon
?ears passed Cne evenlng Lhe Lown councll meL for lLs semlannual meeLlng As Lhey revlewed Lhe budgeL one mans eye caughL Lhe salary
flgure belng pald Lhe obscure keeper of Lhe sprlng Sald Lhe keeper of Lhe purse Who ls Lhe old man? Why do we keep hlm on year afLer year?
no one ever sees hlm lor all we know Lhe sLrange ranger of Lhe hllls ls dolng us no good Pe lsnL necessary any longer 8y a unanlmous voLe
Lhey dlspensed wlLh Lhe old mans servlces
lor several weeks noLhlng changed
8y early auLumn Lhe Lrees began Lo shed Lhelr leaves Small branches snapped of and fell lnLo Lhe pools hlnderlng Lhe rushlng flow of sparkllng
waLer Cne afLernoon someone noLlced a sllghL yellowlshbrown LlnL ln Lhe sprlng A few days laLer Lhe waLer was much darker WlLhln anoLher
week a sllmy fllm covered secLlons of Lhe waLer along Lhe banks and a foul odor was soon deLecLed 1he mlll wheels moved more slowly some
flnally ground Lo a halL Swans lefL as dld Lhe LourlsLs Clammy flngers of dlsease and slckness reached deeply lnLo Lhe vlllage
Culckly Lhe embarrassed councll called a speclal meeLlng 8eallzlng Lhelr gross error ln [udgmenL Lhey rehlred Lhe old keeper of Lhe sprlng and
wlLhln a few weeks Lhe verlLable rlver of llfe began Lo clear up 1he wheels sLarLed Lo Lurn and new llfe reLurned Lo Lhe hamleL ln Lhe Alps
never become dlscouraged wlLh Lhe seemlng smallness of your Lask [ob or llfe Cllng fasL Lo Lhe words of Ldward LvereLL Pale l am only one
buL sLlll l am one l cannoL do everyLhlng buL sLlll l can do someLhlng and because l cannoL do everyLhlng l wlll noL refuse Lo do someLhlng l
can do 1he key Lo accompllshmenL ls bellevlng LhaL whaL you can do wlll make a dlfference
Standup comedy ls a comedlc arL form usually a comedlan performs ln fronL of a llve audlence speaklng dlrecLly Lo Lhem 1helr performances
are someLlmes fllmed for laLer release vla uvu Lhe lnLerneL and Lelevlslon 1he performer ls commonly known as a comlc sLandup comlc
sLandup comedlan or slmply a sLandup
ln sLandup comedy Lhe comedlan usually reclLes a fasLpaced successlon of humorous sLorles shorL [okes called blLs and onellners whlch
consLlLuLe whaL ls Lyplcally called a monologue rouLlne or acL Some sLandup comedlans use props muslc or maglc Lrlcks Lo enhance Lhelr acLs
SLandup comedy ls ofLen performed ln comedy clubs bars neoburlesques colleges and LheaLers buL Lhere are no real resLrlcLlons on where
Lhe crafL can be performed SLandup comedy ls also performed by professlonal comedlans ouLslde of LradlLlonal enLerLalnmenL venues such as
ln counLry clubs aL corporaLe evenLs and conferences as charlLy fundralslng evenLs even ln Lemples and churches
Many smaller venues hold open mlc evenLs where anyone can Lake Lhe sLage and perform for Lhe audlence offerlng a way for amaLeur
performers Lo hone Lhelr crafL and posslbly break lnLo professlonallsm
SLandup ls an arL form LhaL ls openly devoLed Lo geLLlng lmmedlaLe laughs from an audlence above all else unllke LheaLrlcal comedy whlch
creaLes comedy wlLhln Lhe sLrucLure of a play wlLh amuslng characLers and slLuaLlons ln sLandup comedy feedback of Lhe audlence ls lnsLanL
and cruclal for Lhe comedlans acL Audlences expecL a sLandup comlc Lo provlde a sLeady sLream of laughs and a performer ls always under
greaL pressure Lo dellver 1hls pressure can be Lhrllllng buL also LhreaLenlng Comedlc acLor Wlll lerrell has called sLandup comedy hard
lonely and vlclous 1
lf Lhe performer cannoL coax laughs ouL of Lhe audlence Lhe bored crowd may harass Lhe comedlan a pracLlce known as heckllng Cne
hallmark of a masLer sLandup comedlan ls Lhe ablllLy noL only Lo face down and sllence a heckler buL Lo wln over and enLerLaln Lhe resL of Lhe
crowd wlLh a wlLLy reLorL An adepL sLandup comedlan wlll nlmbly play off Lhe mood and LasLes of any parLlcular audlence and ad[usL hls or
her rouLlne accordlngly Peckllng ls vlewed dlfferenLly ln dlfferenL culLures lor example ln 8rlLaln heckllng ls consldered Lo be a normal parL of
Lhe sLandup experlence and ls ln facL acLlvely encouraged by comedlans such as !lmmy Carr
1he skllls aLLrlbuLed Lo sLandup are dlverse as Lhe sLandup comlc ofLen acLs as wrlLer edlLor performer promoLer producer and Lechnlclan
for Lhe acL Many sLandup comedlans work for years Lo develop 43 mlnuLes of maLerlal and usually perform Lhelr blLs repeaLedly slowly
perfecLlng Lhem over Llme
uesplLe Lhe name sLandup comedlans do noL always sLand up Some wlll slL on a sLool MarLln Mull has someLlmes used an easy chalr 1he
Lerm slLdown comlc ls usually pe[oraLlve ln naLure
Whlle a sLandup comedy show may lnvolve only one comedlan ofLen bllled as a oneman or onewoman show or a solo performer aL a
corporaLe evenL usually a sLandup show conslsLs of several comedlans 1hough a large venue ln new ?ork or Los Angeles wlll use a showcase
formaL wlLh several comedlans performlng for only 1320 mlnuLes each mosL club shows are 3comlc formaL wlLh a masLer of ceremonles
(MC) Lhe feaLure or mlddle acL and Lhe closer or headllner lL ls Lhe MCs [ob Lo warm up Lhe audlence and geL Lhem ln a laughlng mood2