GOTTMANS TECHNIQUE Lori Micke 1

The technique I selected is from Dr. John Gottmans book, The Seven Principles for making marriage work. Gottman has mentioned in his book that he can tell when a marriage wont last. He also indicates that both couples need to want their marriage to work. The seven principles he mentions in his book have been tested, used in his workshops, and clinicians have been trained using his methods. He says one of the most important principle is, to enhance your love maps a couple should know and have a good idea about their spouse. Gottman uses an example of a couple in his book and he says, She knows her spouses goals, hopes, and worries. He also tells his readers that if you dont know your spouse than how can one really truly love their spouse. Gottman goes on to say that if each of the couples he worked with knew each others love maps by detail they would know each others worlds. The couple is far better to cope with the stressful events and conflicts that arise. The more you know and understand each other, the better you are to keep connected as life swirls around you. To get to know your spouse better or to see how much you know your spouse Gottman includes a questionnaire and a couple of exercises play a game. What I have is a list of questions each spouse answers than is scored on how strong their marriage isThe second is an exercise that is more a game to play with your spouse. Each partner picks 20 random numbers between 1- 60. If both partners are wrong neither one gets a score but if one is right he or she get the score. The partner with the highest points wins. Gottman does include two other exercises with love maps, one is making your own Love Map Question Game and the other My partners hopes and aspirations (for self and others?) Exercise 3: who am I? A

GOTTMANS TECHNIQUE Lori Micke 2 Questionnaire that will help guide each partner through self-exploration and shares each partners exploration with each other.

Gottmans Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: Build Love Maps: How well do you know your partners inner psychological world, his or her worries, stresses, joys, and dreams? Share Fondness and Admiration: The antidote for contempt, this level focuses on the amount of affection and respect within a relationship. Turn Towards: State your needs, be aware of bids and turn towards them. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of relationship. The Positive Perspective: The Presence of positive effect in problem-solving discussions and the success of repair attempts. Manage Conflict: We use the term manage conflict rather than resolve conflict because relationship conflict is natural and it has functional, positive aspects. Understand the critical difference in handling perpetual problems and solvable problems. Make Life Dreams Come True: Create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her dreams, values, convictions, and aspirations. Create Shared Meaning: Understand important dreams, narratives, myths, and metaphors about your relationship. http://gottman.com/54756/About-Gottman-Method-couples-Therapy.html

GOTTMANS TECHNIQUE Lori Micke 3