AcL 2 Scene 1

lt foJes lo to oo empty stoqe wltb o sloqle spotllqbt 1betes o Jesk to ooe slJe wltb o cbolt ooJ o plllot to
eocb slJe 1o tbe otbet slJe tbetes o looqet beocb Otbet tboo tbot tbe stoqe ls bote As eocb petsoo
stotts tolkloq tbe stoqe qets mote ooJ mote llt op
Iourna||st (walks ln wlLh newspaper) LxLra! LxLra! 8ead all abouL lL Parry oLLer he boy who beaL
voldemorL now says he's back
Iourna||st 2 (walks ln wlLh anoLher newspaper) ually ropheL CeL your ually ropheL here! Parry oLLer
vs voldemorL round Lwo
Iourna||st 3 (walks ln wlLh yeL anoLher newspaper) MlnlsLer of Maglc Cornellus ludge makes a
sLaLemenL
Corne||us Iudge (walks ln and holds hlmself pompously) l've heard Lhese voldemorL rumors And l for
one slmply don'L belleve lL
Iourna||st 2 voldemorL Lalks abouL lL on hls new ?ou1ube channel
Vo|demort (already walLlng Lhere opens hls lapLop and speaks as lf recordlng on Lhe lapLop's wecam
leanlng forward) l'm golng flnd Parry oLLer and l'm golng fuck ln hls *bleep l dldn'L geL whaL was
supposed Lo be here*
Iourna||st 2 Pe also revlews 'SevenLeen Agaln'
Vo|demort Well lL was a llLLle slow aL Lhe beglnnlng buL c'mon Zac Lfron Zefron enough sald
Corne||us l've seen Lhese socalled posLs and l sLlll don'L belleve lL 1hls ls a ruse ?ou've all been
hoodwlnked Walks ouL angrlly holdlng hls robes up)
Iourna||st 4 rofessor Culrrell ls arresLed for murder of PogwarLs sLudenL Cedrlc ulggory recelves llfe ln
Azkaban
A|| [ourna||sts LxLra! LxLra! (Lhey scamper)
AcL 2 Scene 2
otty wolks lo ftom ooe slJe bolJloq oo oewspopet ooJ koo wolks lo ftom tbe otbet tbtooqb to Joot
clotcbloq o qloot etsbey cbocolote bot es followeJ by Nevllle ooJ cbo cbooq cbo cbooq ctles wblle
Nevllle bolfboqs bet lo o slleot ottempt to comfott bet 1bey wolk ovet slttloq Jowo oo tbe beocbes to
tbe slJe of tbe stoqe loosy wolks lo pottloq bet otms otoooJ cbo ooJ slttloq Jowo os well koo
cootlooes eotloq tbe cbocolote bot tbe eotlte sceoe bls volce moffleJ ooJ mockloqly beottbtokeo
arry Wow Lhls LoLally sucks man
on 1hls ls horrlble
arry ?eah l know l mean Lhls Lhls ls Lerrlble Parry oLLer versus voldemorL Lhe flghL of Lhe
cenLury
on no lL's noL LhaL! lL's Permlone lL's llke l can'L geL her ouL of my head and every Llme l look aL
her l geL Lhese palns ln my chesL (he Laps aL hls chesL Lhrough Lhe chocolaLe bar) and l [usL know LhaL
lL's her faulL LhaL blLch! (pauses) l'm [usL noL cuL ouL for Lhls Parry l'm noL
arry ?eah l know whaL you mean lL's llke when you're [usL Lrylng Lo save Lhe world and Lhe whole
world's agalnsL you and
on (lncreaslngly more annoyed) no no no no no! 1hls lsn'L abouL you Why does every conversaLlon
we have have Lo Lurn lnLo oLLerLalk?
arry lL's noL oLLerLalk
on no l'm mlserable! (polnLs aL chocolaLe bar) And l'll you can do ls Lalk abouL yourself ?ou're llke Lhe
mosL selfabsorbed guy l know lf you were mlserable l'd be Lhere for you 8uL you won'L even llsLen Lo
me and l'm slck of lL (Lurns away cluLchlng Lhe chocolaLe bar LlghLer Lo hlmself) So good luck wlLh
whaLever you were Lalklng abouL And (hls volce cracks) l hope LhaL you and voldemorL llve happlly
ever afLer Me? l am never golng Lo be happy agaln
otty looks ot blm coofoseJ
on So l'm [usL golng Lo curl up ln my sock drawer and sleep for days
koo mokes o wblmpetloq sott of soooJ ooJ exlsts bls beoJ boweJ Jowo lookloq ot bls cbocolote bot As
be leoves etmlooe motcbes lo ftom tbe opposlte slJe lookloq obsolotely fotloos 5be stops oext to
otty
erm|one Were you [usL Lalklng Lo 8on?
arry ?eah l was Lalklng Lo hlm abouL voldemorL and
erm|one Well dld he say anyLhlng abouL me?
arry uh yeah he sald LhaL
erm|one Well was one of Lhem an apology for how he LreaLed me aL Lhe ?ule 8all? (looks aL Parry and
crosses her arms over her chesL)
arry um yeah l heard abouL LhaL LlsLen l was wonderlng wheLher maybe you heard of a llLLle
someLhlng (looks upseL and ralses hls volce Lo a screamlng level) uh l don'L know voldemorL ls back!
(counLlng off on hls flngers) Cedrlc ulggory ls dead rofessor Culrrell ls crazy and now l have Lo save
Lhe world (looks lncredlbly lrrlLaLed and llfLs hls hands up ln frusLraLlon)
erm|one (gasps) AcLually l have heard Lhose Lhlngs Parry abouL a Lhousand Llmes buL never have
Lhey been Lold Lo me wlLh so much sass! (emphaslzes by puLLlng a hand ln Parry's face) urop Lhe
aLLlLude Parry oLLer (crosses her arms agaln and Lurns away from hlm) ?ou're acLlng llke Carfleld on a
Monday
arry (gasps and pulls back looklng absoluLely offended) Well don'L you Lhlnk l have Lhe rlghL Lo be a
llLLle sLressed ouL?
erm|one Well no! no l don'L! ?ou know Lhls ls [usL llke wlLh Lhe dragon l sLressed ouL l Lold you Lo
prepare and yeL you dldn'L do anyLhlng and you were flne! ?ou know you [usL played your llLLle gulLar!
(Lhrows her hands up) And l don'L know whaL you're crylng abouL Parry 1hls ls [usL llke when you
defeaLed voldemorL when you were a baby
arry (soundlng almosL sad) Permlone come on you're Lhe frlend LhaL's supposed Lo Lell me Lo go Lo
Lhe llbrary and Lry Lo flgure Lhls sLuff ouL
erm|one ?ou know whaL Parry? l don'L do LhaL anymore
etmlooe tbtows bet beoJ bock ooJ Jtomotlcolly wolks ovet to loosy cbo ooJ Nevllle loosy qets op
pollloq bock ftom cbo cbooq ooJ Nevllle stlll oo cbos otbet slJe looks bock ot etmlooe wolkloq owoy
etmlooe slts Jowo betweeo Nevllle ooJ cbo utoco wolks lo ftom tbe slJe opposlte tbe beocbes wbete
tbe Jesk ooJ toble stlll ote As utoco speoks be cllmbs ooto tbe Jesk ooJ tolls otoooJ oo lt
raco 8ead lL and weep oLLer l heard voldemorL's back
otty looks ovet ooJ slqbs ooqtlly utoco lles oo bls slJe octoss tbe Jesk so tbot bes focloq otty loosy
moves bebloJ cbo sttokloq bet bolt
raco And he's Lrylng Lo klll you WhaL do you Lhlnk abouL LhaL Moonshoes? (leers aL Parry)
arry (walks over Lo uraco) Malfoy you know l honesLly don'L' see why you're so happy abouL Lhls lf
voldemorL ls back whlch he ls you mlghL as well klss PogwarLs goodbye ?ou mlghL as well klss Lhe
whole planeL goodbye
raco (looks shocked) klss Lhe planeL goodbye? Pavlng second LhoughLs abouL lgfarLs are you? (pulls
hlmself up and down across Lhe desk)
arry (shakes hls head and walks away Loward Lhe cenLer of Lhe sLage agaln) Malfoy you're Lhe lasL
person l wanL Lo Lalk Lo rlghL now okay?
raco (sLands up on Lhe desk and sLralghLens up) ?ou know whaL? now LhaL you're ouL of Lhe way
soon l'll be Lhe coolesL kld ln Lhe school
erm|one Malfoy LhaL would never happen Lverybody haLes you
raco Ch yeah rlghL 1hls comlng from Permlone SLranger! (scoffs and laughs)
ansy (puLs a hand on Permlone's shoulder) ?eah she's rlghL Malfoy She's cooler Lhan you
Cho ?eah
ansy Lven Moanlng MyrLle ls cooler Lhan you
Nev|||e (sLands up and polnLs hls wand aL uraco) 1ake Lhls Lxpelllarmus!
utocos poots foll Jowo to teveol o qloot Jlopet utoco qosps ooJ stotes Jowo ot bls folleo poots lo sbock
befote ottemptloq to covet blmself vetyooe else stotts looqbloq ot utoco ooJ Nevllle looks ptooJ of
blmself
raco ?ou walL! ?ou walL! l'll klll you for laughlng SLop lL!
1bey lqoote blm ooJ oll of tbem cootlooloq polotloq ooJ looqbloq obooxloosly Iost tbeo 5oope comes
loto tbe sceoe ooJ stotes ot utoco utoco ls beovloq Jty sobs
nape WhaL Lhe devll ls golng on here? uraco Malfoy pull Lhose Lrousers up aL once!
raco (Lhrough fake sobs) rofessor l dldn'L
nape l don'L wanL Lo hear lL l wanL Lo see you ln my offlce (pulls ouL hls rlghL hand whlch ls now a
hook) now (he pulls back dramaLlcally hls hook sLlll ralsed)
raco 1hls ls all your faulL oLLer! (he pulls up hls panLs halfway and geLs off of Lhe desk) ?ou'll pay for
Lhls! ?ou'll all pay!
utoco woJJles off of tbe set bls ttoosets stlll ot bls koees vetyooe looqbs bystetlcolly oftet blm
vetyooe qets off of tbe beocbes ooJ Nevllle opptoocbes otty blqbflvloq blm
arry nevllle alrlghL! ?ou're Lhe man! 1haL was good
Cho 1haL made my day
vetyooe except fot otty wolks off set except fot otty otty slts Jowo oo tbe beocb lookloq ot tbe
oewspopet Clooy wolks lo ftom tbe slJe opposlte tbot evetyooe jost exlteJ ooJ otty looks op Clooy ls
bolJloq o boq of uotltos ooJ looks ottetly JeptesseJ
arry Pey Clnny whaL's up? l hope you have someLhlng Lo say abouL voldemorL
G|nny (walks Lowards Parry) Who?
arry WhaLever
Clooy offets otty o uotlto bot be woves bet off lookloq bock Jowo ot tbe oewspopet
arry no l'm flne
G|nny (slLs down nexL Lo Parry) um hey Parry?
arry ?eah?
G|nny So we klssed aL Lhe ?ule 8all And well l LhoughL we were golng Lo be LogeLher forever (she
eaLs a uorlLo and looks aL hlm sadly) 8uL we're noL
arry (noL looklng up from hls newspaper) ?eah LhaL uh LhaL preLLy much sums lL up
G|nny (noLlclng Lhe newspaper) WhaL's golng on?
arry (looks up from Lhe newspaper and hlLs lL for emphasls) Clnny Lhls ls whaL's golng on uon'L you
geL lL? (scoffs) Lveryone ls ln danger who's near Lo me We can'L be LogeLher because lf voldemorL ls
back whlch he ls Lhen you're ln morLal perll! lL's [usL llke ln Lhe Splderman movle haven'L you seen
LhaL? Mary !ane and eLer arker can'L be LogeLher
G|nny 1he whole polnL of Splderman 2 was LhaL M! and eLer arker could be LogeLher ln Lhe end
arry ?eah l know buL Lhe polnL of Splderman 3 ls LhaL everyLhlng sucks and Lhen falls Lo shlL! (geLs up
and paces across Lhe floor whlle rolllng up Lhe newspaper) Clnny whaL l'm Lrylng Lo say ls LhaL l don'L
wanL my llfe Lo be llke Splderman 3 l haLed LhaL movle (Lurns Lo face Clnny afLer a pause) l'm sorry lL's
[usL LhaL's my llLLle way of saylng LhaL we can'L be LogeLher l'm sorry Clnny
G|nny (ln a hlgh plLches volce geLLlng up and looklng llke she's abouL Lo cry) l'm such an ldloL!
Clooy wolks off stoqe os uombleJote wolks oo ftom tbe otbet slJe bebloJ otty es weotloq o block
beotJ
arry ugh! l haLe lL lL's a nlghLmare
umb|edore Pey oLLer ssL! lL's me!
arry (Lurns around and looks aL uumbledore ln confuslon) Who are you?
umb|edore (pulls down Lhe beard) lL's uumbledore!
arry Ch! (Lhey walk Lowards each oLher uumbledore looklng over hls shoulder)
umb|edore Look Parry l goL some very lmporLanL Lhlngs l wanL Lo Lell you
arry WhaL? AbouL voldemorL!
arry ?es! lL's absoluLely cruclal for you Lo know buL l can'L geL lnLo lL rlghL now (Lurns around
dramaLlcally) l need you Lo meeL me ln my lnner offlce aL Len o'clock and come by yourself (he Lurns
around Lo face Parry agaln) 8rlng LhaL lnvlslblllLy cloak of yours and don'L go blabblng your mouLh abouL
Lhls Lo anybody voldemorL has sples LhaL could be anywhere even lnslde of PogwarLs (Lurns around
and walks away hls shoulders sagglng forward) lrom now on Parry Lhe only person you can LrusL ls
me and Severus Snape (Lurns around Lo look aL Parry agaln)
arry um uumbledore l know you don'L wanL Lo hear Lhls buL l'm noL so sure abouL Snape l Lhlnk
you know l'm preLLy sure he's worklng for voldemorL
umb|edore WhaL! 1haL's sLupld ?ou're sLupld!
arry no no no acLually l'm poslLlve ?ou know LhaL nlghL ln Lhe graveyard some ueaLh LaLer cuLs
off hls hand and Snape shows up wlLhouL a hand WhaL ls LhaL?
umb|edore Ch lles (Lurns Lo walk away) Snape has assured me LhaL he losL hls hand ln an enLlrely
unrelaLed lncldenL
arry rofessor why do you LrusL Snape so much?
umb|edore (Lurns around) 8ecause l love hlm!
arry rofessor l
umb|edore Parry l don'L wanL Lo hear anyLhlng else abouL lL 1here ls no way LhaL Severus Snape ls
was or ever shall be a servanL of Lhe voldemorL
1bey leove ooJ tbe stoqe qoes block
AcL 2 Scene 3
1be stoqe slowly llqbts op to teveol two ueotb otets stooJloq otoooJ 5oope polotloq tbelt wooJs ot
blm All ptops ote qooe ftom tbe ptevloos sceoe except fot tbe toble ooJ cbolt volJemott lles bock lozlly
lo tbe cbolt ooJ 8ellottlx slts oo top of tbe toble
nape (llfLlng hls hand ln Lhe alr) All hall voldemorL!
eath Later 1 Severus Snape whaL are you dolng here?
eath Later 2 CoL Llred of belng on voldemorL's lap?
eath Later 1 l oughL Lo [ellylegs [lnx you rlghL now LralLor
nape uon'L be goofy wlLh me! l need Lo see voldemorL
eath Later 2 Pow do we know Lhls lsn'L some Crder of Lhe hoenlx pracLlcal [oke
eath Later 1 l LhoughL you deserLed Lhe ueaLh LaLers when voldemorL losL hls body
eath Later 2 Cr were you always a spy for uumblebore?
eath Later 1 Slumbersnore!
eath Later 2 8ulbasaur!
eath Later 1 l heard you had your uark Mark lasersurglcally removed
nape Coh! Well lf you Lwo know so much abouL me you should wrlLe a blography around me
Snape (pulls down hls arm Lo reveal a uark Mark only seen by Lhe ueaLh LaLers) Lhe double agenL!
(lowers hls arm) 1haL's rlghL l've always been a servanL for voldemorL l've slmply been worklng under
cover flndlng valuable lnformaLlon such as Lhe lnnerworklngs of PogwarLs 1he rosLer of Lhe Crder of
Lhe hoenlx! (looks confused) llndlng ouL exacLly whaL a Lrue Pufflepuff ls anyway 1hlngs no SlyLherln
should see l would llke Lo see my masLer
eath Later 2 8lghL away Severus
nape Cood l wlll be ln Lhe drawlng room palnLlng a plcLure of Lhe sLupld looks on your faces (smlrks
and walks ouL)
1be two ueotb otets wolk ovet to tbe toble wbete 8ellottlx ooJ volJemott ote stlll slttloq 8ellottlx looks
plottloq wblle volJemott ls olmost osleep
e||atr|x Soon we'll have you sneaklng lnLo Lhe ueparLmenL of MysLerles enchanLed sLaLue
eath Later 1 Lxcuse me
e||atr|x (looks aL Lhem furlous) Woah! Woah! (polnLs her wand LhreaLenlngly aL Lhem) Wo oh oah!
Lxcuse me! l was ln Lhe mlddle of ploLLlng! (she puLs her wand back behlnd her halr as Lhe ueaLh LaLers
back off) Where was l? A sLaLue wlll occupy Lhe guards whlle you and l sneak lnLo Lhe MlnlsLer's offlce
where you wlll be one kllllng curse away from Lhe enLlre wlzardlng world! (she flalls a blL and glves an
lnsane exclLed expresslon) Pow does LhaL sound my lord? (a blL uncerLalnly) My lord? (Lurns around so
LhaL she's faclng hlm) My lord Pm?
Vo|demort (llfLs hls head up) ?eah CrlngoLLs LhaL's greaL oly[ulce oLlon always very classlc l'm
sorry WhaL are we Lalklng abouL?
e||atr|x (somewhaL annoyed) uld you hear anyLhlng of my evll plan?
Vo|demort Well uh Lhe deLalls are a llLLle fuzzy buL uh you dld have a very evll Lone
e||atr|x (geLs off Lhe desk and walks Loward Lhe ueaLh LaLers) Pe's all yours
5be wolks off by volJemott bolJloq bet booJ op lo ooy ooooyeJ qestote
Vo|demort 8uL buL 8ellaLrlx! Come back! no lL's noL uon'L be llke Lhls (slghs) now Lwo people are
mad aL me (geLs up behlnd Lhe chalr and slouches forward before looklng up aL Lhe ueaLh LaLers)
WhaL?
eath Later 2 Well uh Severus Snape ls aL Lhe door and lmporLunes access Lo you
Vo|demort Severus Snape? Send hlm ln
5oope sttots lo pompoosly
nape ls LhaL a new body my lord? ?ou look absoluLely ravlshlng (bows)
Vo|demort Severus (laughs somewhaL) lor such a supersecreL spy you're a Lerrlble llar (collapses
back lnLo Lhe chalr rubblng aL hls Lemples) l'm a wreck! 8eLLer have some good news
nape Ch my lord you know how for years we've been Lrylng Lo geL ueaLh LaLers lnLo Lhe casLle? (goes
behlnd voldemorL and wraps hls claw around voldemorL for a second before pulllng back as voldemorL
groans) lor years we've been Lrylng Lo sneak ueaLh LaLers onLo Lhe grounds of PogwarLs Well l Lhlnk
l've flnally dlscovered a way how
Vo|demort (looks up ln lnLeresL) Well by all means Snape Lell me!
nape l can'L
Vo|demort (geLs up movlng so LhaL he's slLLlng on Lop of Lhe desk) Can'L? 1ease! Why noL?
nape l made an unbreakable vow noL Lo leL any ueaLh LaLers ln
Vo|demort unbreakable vows l haLe Lhose!
nape l know 8uL l had Lo do lL Lo convlnce uumbledore of my loyalLy
Vo|demort ?es Snape l undersLand Well lf you can'L help me whaL do you propose we do?
nape Well l can'L Lell you 8uL l've broughL along someone who can (dramaLlcally gesLures Lowards
Lhe oLher end of Lhe sLage where uraco Malfoy walks ln Lhrough Lhe door looklng serlous)
raco All hall lord voldemorL!
Vo|demort (laughs for a momenL before pulllng hlmself up and looklng aL Snape) Luclus Malloy's boy?
raco M Malfoy
Vo|demort Are you serlous? Pelp from a chlld ?ou goL Lo be klddlng me (leans over) uon'L make me
laugh l'm plsslng
raco (sLruLs over) lf Lhls homemade uark Mark won'L convlnce you
e polls bock bls sleeve to teveol o 5mlley foce wltb o sooke comloq oot of tbe smlle
raco (pulls back Lhe sleeve over hls arm) 1hen aL leasL hear me ouL
Vo|demort (sLlll laughlng) Ckay Ckay Pow do you propose we geL my ueaLh LaLers lnLo your llLLle day
care cenLer? And don'L suggesL a glanL sllde or a Lrampollne because we've already Lrled Lhose
raco venLs ?our ueaLh LaLers shall enLer Lhrough Lhe venLllaLlon sysLem of PogwarLs
Vo|demort (looks surprlsed) uuh! 1he venLs! (Lhrows up hls hands) Pow do we flnd Lhese venLs?
raco Ch l'll Lell you how Lo geL Lo Lhe venLs 8uL flrsL! (walks over and leans agalnsL Lhe desk before
falllng Lo Lhe floor and rolllng over before pulllng hlmself up) We dlscuss Lhe sub[ecL of paymenL!
Vo|demort Ah Lhe caLch (Lurns Lo Snape) 1here's always a caLch ls noLhlng ln Lhls world so cruel and
demandlng as Lhe demandlng as Lhe soul of chlld (pokes uraco ln Lhe nose wlLh hls wand) WhaL do you
wanL Malloy?
raco l wanL a galaxyLraverslng rockeL shlp wlLh enough fuel Lo geL me Lo Mars
Vo|demort WhaL do you wanL wlLh a rockeL shlp? WhaL buslness do you have on Mars?
raco Well leL's [usL say lgfarLs lgfarLs here l come! lgfarLs lgfarLs yum yum yum!
utoco stotts wlkloq Jowostoqe ooJ volJemott ooJ 5oope qet op followloq blm ooJ lotettoptloq blm
befote be coo stott bls sooq
nape no no no! WlLh all due respecL my lord Lhere's one flaw ln LhaL flawless plan Albus
uumbledore!
Vo|demort ?ou're rlghL Snape (slghs) ?eah l know lL's llke ' l'll klll hlm!' 8uL l haven'L been feellng so
evll laLely
utoco ottempts to pot volJemott oo tbe sboolJet bot volJemott qlotes ot blm utoco tettocts bls booJ
ooJ pteteoJs to be stotloq ot lt losteoJ befote lookloq owoy owkwotJly
Vo|demort So here's how lL's gonna break down Mllfoy l need your guaranLee LhaL you lead my ueaLh
LaLers lnLo PogwarLs l'll slmulLaneously be aLLacklng Lhe MlnlsLry of Maglc now l need you Lo promlse
LhaL by Lhe end of Lhe slege of PogwarLs uumbledore wlll be dead (polnLs wand aL uraco) Leave Parry
oLLer for me 8uL uumbledore musL dle (reLracLs wand and holds ouL hand Lo shake wlLh uraco)
raco We shall shake on lL (splLs on hand) An unbreakable vow!
Vo|demort (reLracLs hand before splLLlng on hls as well and shaklng) 8y Lhe end of Lomorrow Albus
uumbledore wlll be dead?
raco ?es And l'll have my rockeL shlp?
Vo|demort When Lhe Lechnology ls avallable
raco (speaklng qulckly and grlpplng voldemorL's hand LlghLly) And you have Lo be my slave for a whole
day sLarLlng now!
Vo|demort (pulls back hand and polnLs aL uraco who ls laughlng hysLerlcally along wlLh Snape) ?ou llLLle
shlL! ?ou goL me! ?ou goL me! Ah LhaL ls so embarrasslng 1haL's Lhe second Llme LhaL's happened Lo
me! 1haL's why l haLe unbreakable Curses
raco (hopplng up and down) Ch Lhere are so many Lhlngs l'm golng Lo have you do for me l'm golng
Lo have you clean my room and lay ouL my knlckers and you're golng Lo Lape Wlzards of Waverly lace
for me! (claps and conLlnues [umplng up and down)
Vo|demort Ah l haLe chores!
raco l'll be busy wlLh a murder
utoco wolks off towotJ tbe ceotet ooJ ttles to sloq o solo bot tbe moslc Jtowos blm oot oftet tbe fltst
oote bes cot off by tbe moslc utoco looks otoooJ opset tbot be lsot qettloq o solo bot lt foJes to block
befote be coo Jo ooytbloq
AcL 2 Scene 4
loJes lo to otty wolkloq towotJs tbe Joot wltb etmlooe (wbo ls bolJloq tbe lovlslblllty clook) Aqolo
evetytbloq ls set op tbe some except fot tbe 2oc ftoo postet oo ooe of tbe plllots os well os o beocb lo
ftoot of tbe toble A meJollloo slts oo tbe Jesk ooJ o swotJ slts oext to tbe toble olmost blJJeo ftom
vlew 1bete ls uombleJotes block beotJ tbete os well
erm|one Parry why would uumbledore wanL Lo meeL us so laLe aL nlghL?
arry Pe's goL some lnformaLlon Lo Lell us abouL voldemorL uld you brlng Lhe lnvlslblllLy cloak?
erm|one ?eah lL's rlghL here (hands lL Lo hlm)
on (walklng ln from Lhe oLher slde Lowards Lhem) AlrlghL Parry Lhls had beLLer be good because l
don'L have a snack and l'm mlsslng Wlzards of Waverly lace for Lhls Ckay? So whaL do we have Lo do
LhaL's so damn
A petsoo bockstoqe soeoks oot ooJ booJs koo o soock
on Ch my Cod 1hank you!
ackstage person no problem (walks ouL)
on l love PogwarLs
arry PogwarLs ls amazlng
erm|one AlrlghL l'm leavlng! (sLarLs Lo sLorm away buL Parry grabs her)
arry Woah! no no no no no! no you're noL When l sald l needed your help l meanL boLh of you
(polnLs aL Lhem) ?ou guys need Lo geL over Lhese hurL feellngs before somebody geLs hurL! Ckay? So
come on (walks up Lo Lhe door and knocks)
umb|edore (opens Lhe door wearlng a Plgh School Muslcal shlrL) Pello Parry! Ch Cod dammlL l Lold
you Lo come by yourself Why dld you have Lo brlng Lhe fangs?
arry uumbledore Lhey're my besL frlends! lf Lhls lnformaLlon ls as lmporLanL as you say lL ls Lhen Lhey
have a rlghL Lo know
umb|edore Well l've been wrong before CeL ln here hoL legs (Lhey all follow) l was Lalklng Lo
Weasley!
on Ch Lhanks
umb|edore (leadlng Lhem back Lhrough Lo door lnLo hls offlce) Ch sorry Lhe place ls such a sLy
on Ch My Cod 1haL ls a boss Zefron posLer!
arry lL's awesome
umb|edore lsn'L lL [usL Lhe lnLervlew? ?ou know every lnLervlew l've ever seen of hlm he [usL seems
llke such a charlsmaLlc humanlLarlan (slLs back ln Lhe desk and props hls feeL on Lhe Lable)
arry ?ou Lhlnk you llke hlm? Wrong! 8ecause l love hlm Lhe mosL Parry oLLer loves Zac Lfron more
Lhan anyone else ln Lhe planeL (he slLs down on Lhe bench flanked on elLher slde by 8on and Permlone)
Anyway no LhaL's noL whaL we're here Lo Lalk abouL We're here Lo Lalk abouL voldemorL!
umb|edore lndeed lL ls noL necessarlly abouL Zefron everyone knows LhaL l llke hlm Lhe mosL 8uL
abouL Lhe uark Lord lf you were Lo defeaL Lhls guy you're golng Lo have Lo know abouL Porcruxes
(plcks up Lhe medalllon and plays wlLh lL)
arry on erm|one WhaL's a Porcrux?
umb|edore A Porcrux ls one of Lhe mosL Lerrlfylng pleces of maglc LhaL a wlzard can creaLe AcLually
when a wlzard Lakes a plece of hls soul and puLs lL lnLo someLhlng else
arry Why would anyone do LhaL?
umb|edore Parry lf you have a Porcrux you can never Lruly dle ?our body can be dead buL your soul
can llve on
erm|one Ch lL makes sense now Parry Lveryone knows LhaL Lhe nlghL your parenLs were kllled
voldemorL was desLroyed buL somehow he survlved! Pe musL have had a Porcrux!
umb|edore Pe dldn'L [usL have one Porcrux! Pe had slx of Lhem! (geLs up) l've already kllled Lhe flrsL
flve for you so don'L worry abouL LhaL (plcks up Lhe sword) 8uL you guys have Lo flnd Lhe lasL one wlLh
Lhls (hands lL Lo Permlone)
erm|one 1he sword of Codrlc Cryfflndor!
umb|edore 1haL's rlghL
erm|one Cryfflndor was one of Lhe four faLhers of PogwarLs lf anyLhlng can desLroy a Porcrux LhaL
sword ls lL
otty posses tbe swotJ Jowo to koo wbo qtobs lt ooJ qets op bolJloq lt wltb botb booJs
on 1hls Lhlng ls so damn awesome Ch my Cod! Lvery wlzard should have sword noL Lhese sLupld
drumsLlcks! lorgeL abouL Lhem (pulls a wand ouL of hls pockeL and Lhrows lL behlnd hlm)
koo scteoms looqloq oot wltb tbe swotJ ooJ slosbloq otoooJ e cootlooes Joloq tbls wblle evetyooe
else qoes bock to bovloq o coovetsotloo
arry Ckay so we know whaL a Porcrux ls LhaL's all good 8uL where are Lhey? Pow wlll we flnd Lhe
lasL one?
umb|edore ?ou'll flnd Lhem wlLh Lhls (hands 8on Lhe medalllon who lmmedlaLely drops Lhe sword
and proceeds Lo LreaL lL Lhe same way flalllng lL abouL) lL looks llke CunlL bllng buL lL ls acLually a
Porcruxseeklng medalllon
arry WalL 1haL's a Porcruxseeklng medalllon? 1haL sounds a llLLle Loo convenlenL
umb|edore Ch so you don'L have a problem wlLh a Llme Lurner buL wlLh a Porcruxseeklng medalllon
erm|one WalL so lf he has Lhls Porcruxseeklng plece of bllng why are 8on and l even here?
on ?eah voldemorL lsn'L any of our buslness
umb|edore (walks over Lo 8on) Permlone Cranger When one of yous has goL a problem LhaL
means all Lhree of yous has goL a problem! WhaL would Zac Lfron say aL a Llme llke Lhls? (walks over Lo
Lhe posLers as 8on slLs down) We're all ln Lhls LogeLher (shakes hls head an sLops slnglng) Anyway you
[usL goL Lo flnd Lhe Porcruxes and you goL Lo desLroy Lhem
1betes o soJJeo poooJloq ot tbe Joot
erm|one uh whaL ls LhaL?
umb|edore ?es? Ch! lL musL be Lhe ueaLh LaLers! (runs over Lo geL hls black beard) 1hey're comlng Lo
klll me klds geL your beard on
erm|one We don'L have any beards!
umb|edore l LhoughL l Lold you Lo brlng beards! (puLs on hls beard)
arry WhaL abouL Lhe lnvlslblllLy Cloak?
umb|edore Ch [usL puL LhaL on buL lL's noL a beard
erm|one Purry!
1bey oll blJe ooJet tbe clook ooJ scoot to tbe slJe somewbot oot of tbe woy1be Joot opeos ooJ tbtee
ueotb otets stotm lo uombleJote leoos bock oqolost tbe Jesk stlll flxloq bls beotJ 1be ueotb otets
polot tbelt wooJs ot blm
eath Later 1 Pey are you uumbledore?
umb|edore no no see l've goL Lhls beard on
eath Later 2 Pave you seen hlm?
umb|edore no l LhoughL l saw someone over Lhere by LhaL mlrror buL l mlghL have [usL been
lmaglnlng whaL l musL look llke wlLhouL Lhls beard
eath Later 1 (lowers hls wand) AlrlghL everyone Spread ouL and look for uumbledore Pe musL be
around here somewhere (looks under a bench)
1bey oll scottet oboot lookloq otoooJ tbe toom
umb|edore 8e careful wlLh Lhe Zac Lfron posLer lL's an anLlque!
eath Later 1 Why do you care so much abouL Zefron?
umb|edore (squlrmlng) l [usL appreclaLe hls charm And halr
arry ?eah buL everybody knows LhaL l llke hlm Lhe besL!
umb|edore Ch my Cod shuL up!
eath Later 1 WhaL was LhaL?
eath Later 3 l wlsh LhaL l could say LhaL lL was me because l feel LhaL l love Zefron Lhe mosL 8uL lL was
deflnlLely a volce from wlLhln Lhls room (all Lhree look around)
eath Later 2 ls lL an lnvlslble man?
eath Later 3 Could Lhe predaLor be ln Lhe room?
eath Later 1 8egln lnvlslble man search!
1bey splo otoooJ lo cltcles tbelt otms sttetcbeJ oot wolkloq otoooJ tbe toom uombleJote slqbs ooJ
tokes off bls block beotJ 1be ueotb otets oftet ootlcloq pot tbelt wooJs op ot uombleJote
meoocloqly
umb|edore AlrlghL! lL's me lL's uumbledore
eath Later 2 uumbledore! Where dld you come from?
umb|edore 1he man wlLh Lhe beard Lurned me ln
eath Later 1 now we've goL you rlghL where we wanL you
umb|edore ?es 8uL whaL l don'L undersLand ls how
eath Later 3 We had Lhe help from a man on Lhe lnslde someone you LrusLed Someone you may
have even loved?
arry WhaL? Slughorn?
erm|one LockharL?
umb|edore AberforLh my broLher?
utoco wolks lo ftom tbe Joot lookloq ptooJ of blmself
raco no! lL was me
umb|edore Malfoy you llLLle shlL!
raco (pulls up hls robes and sLralghLens up looklng somewhaL offended) 1haL's rlghL uumbledore l
beLrayed everyone now l'm golng Lo klll you (ralses wand)
umb|edore no no you're noL uraco lf you were golng Lo klll me you would have done so already
raco (looklng defenslve) no no! noL necessarlly Lrue l [usL wanLed Lo offer you one more game of
ConnecLlour before l offed you
umb|edore uraco Lhere are oLher opLlons ?ou know whaL lL's Llme LhaL you looked lnslde yourself
and flgured ouL whaL lL ls LhaL you wanL
raco l wanL Permlone Cranger! And a rockeL shlp
umb|edore (walks over Lo uraco and puLs an arm around hlm) 1hen why dldn'L you [usL Lake Lhe glrl
ouL for a happy meal or go Lo space camp? C'mon! Murder leads Lo a llfe of despalr and desperaLlon
(paLs uraco's cheek)
5oope eotets tbtooqb tbe Joot
nape WhaL Lhe devll ls golng on here?
eath Later 1 Snape we've goL uumbledore cornered
nape Well whaL are we walLlng for? klll hlm! uo lL uraco!
uombleJote stombles owoy lookloq sbockeJ e qlooces bock ot utoco ooJ 5oope sevetol tlmes
raco l don'L Lhlnk l can
nape Coward! 1en polnLs from Cryfflndor (walks Lowards uumbledore)
umb|edore l don'L undersLand (approaches Snape) l gave you my LeLLerman's [ackeL
nape lL never flL! (waves wand causlng uumbledore Lo fall Lo Lhe ground crylng ouL ln paln)
umb|edore Why dldn'L you Lell me? l could've shrunk lL wlLh maglc Severus please don'L klll me!
nape Avada kedavra!
uombleJote folls ovet JeoJ 5oope llfts bls wooJ llke o botoo motlooloq to tbe ueotb otets 1bey
cockle moJly e motloos Jowo fot tbem to stop fot o momeot befote pollloq bock op ooJ tellloq tbem to
cootlooe 1bey scottet os tbe llqbts foJe oot
AcL 2 Scene 3
otty koo ooJ etmlooe ote tbe ooly tbtee people oo stoqe otty ls clotcbloq tbe lovlslblllty clook ooJ
stomploq ooqtlly koo bos tbe 5wotJ of CtyffloJot ooJ tbe otctoxseekloq meJollloo
arry l haLe Snape l haLe Snape l haLe Snape l haLe hlm!
erm|one lL's noL your faulL Parry! (Lrles Lo puL an arm on hls shoulder)
arry (pulls away) no lL ls my faulL uon'L you geL lL? Lverybody's dylng because of me! llrsL Cedrlc
now uumbledore l can'L do lL anymore
on C'mon leL's go Lo Lhe 8urrow C'mon! (Lugs aL hls sleeve)
arry (pulls away from 8on as well) no don'L you geL lL? l have Lo do Lhls by myself l dld lL once when l
was a baby l can'L have guys be near me ?our llves are aL rlsk
erm|one (soundlng panlcked) 8uL no we don'L care abouL Lhe rlsk!
arry no you don'L undersLand ?ou have Lo geL away from me (shoves Lhem boLh and sLarLs walklng
away sLarlng aL Lhe ground)
on ?ou can'L mean LhaL
arry (looks back aL 8on as Permlone reaches ouL Lowards hlm) l do! !usL leave me alone!
otty toos off tbe stoqe os fost os posslble 1be llqbts foJe
AcL 2 Scene 6
1be llqbts focos lo oo cotoellos loJqe pocloq otoooJ bls offlce (tbe coostoot Jesk ooJ cbolt)
volJemott stotms lo polotloq bls wooJ meoocloqly ot cotoellos 8ellottlx stooJs bebloJ volJemott
lookloq eoqet
Vo|demort Cornellus ludge Lhe MlnsLer of Maglc
Corne||us l sLlll don'L belleve you're back (shrugs)
Vo|demort 8elleve Lhls ludge Avada kedavra!
Corne||us (cluLches chesL) A hearL a hearL surely
volJemott polots bls wooJ oqolo ot cotoellos ooJ cotoellos collopses bockwotJs loto tbe cbolt llmp ooJ
obvloosly JeoJ 1betes o momeot wbete volJemott stotes oocettololy ot tbe boJy befote opptoocbloq lt
to be sote upoo teollzloq be bos beeo vlctotloos be lets oot o qtowlloq soooJ 8ellottlx jomps op ooJ
Jowo scteomloq
e||atr|x ?es! ?es! 1he MlnlsLry has fallen ?es! And Lhere's Lhe MlnlsLer Lhe klng of all maglc
1bey botb celebtote fot o momeot befote 8ellottlx slows Jowo ooJ looks ot volJemott Jtopploq bet
wooJ ooJ qtlooloq 5be wolks ovet to tbe Jesk ooJ pots lt
e||atr|x Ch voldemorL 1ake me rlghL now rlghL here on Lhe MlnlsLer's desk
Vo|demort (approaches Lhe oLher slde of Lhe desk) l'm gonna geL you! (runs around Lhe desk chaslng
afLer 8ellaLrlx who scampers and glggles playfully) l'm gonna geL you! Come here 1rlcksy!
volJemott cboses oftet bet oqolo lo cltcles otoooJ tbe Jesk lloolly be cotcbes bet plcks bet op ooJ
stotts pottloq bet oo bet bott
Vo|demort WalL uo you wanL Lo Lry someLhlng new? (seLs her down)
e||atr|x Coh! So new!
Vo|demort CeL on Lhe desk
8ellottlx obllqes ooJ looks eoqetly ot volJemott befote lyloq Jowo sttlkloq o blt of o pose volJemott
toos bls booJ Jowo bet slJe befote leooloq lo close to bet foce
Vo|demort no slL up blLch
e||atr|x (glggles and does so) !usL command me my lord
volJemott slts op oo tbe Jesk ooJ fot o momeot sttokes bet tblqb 8ellottlx cootlooes qlqqlloq Aftet
tbot be totos otoooJ pootloq bot slttloq Oolttellstyle
e||atr|x (sllghLly confused) So whaL do we do now?
Vo|demort AnyLhlng we wanL Pang ouL mosLly We could waLch a movle Pow abouL 'She's All 1haL'?
l've never seen Lhe beglnnlng of lL
e||atr|x ?ou feellng okay my lord?
Vo|demort Cf course l am Culrrell
e||atr|x (slams a hand down on Lhe Lable and pushes away from voldemorL) AlrlghL LhaL's Lhe dozenLh
Llme you've called me LhaL!
Vo|demort (slLs up as well looklng unsure) no l called you a squlrrel (looks unsure buL Lhen nods) l
called you a squlrrel
e||atr|x no you're Lhlnklng of LhaL peon we senL Lo Azkaban (geLs off of Lhe desk and glares aL hlm)
Vo|demort Pe's noL a peon (looks aL 8ellaLrlx before geLLlng off of Lhe desk as well) More of a man
Lhan you'll ever be
e||atr|x l can'L do Lhls lf l'm golng Lo be evll wlLh all of you Lhen l need Lo be evll wlLh all of you!
Vo|demort Lvll wlLh all of me? WhaL does LhaL even mean? l'm all rlghL here (reaches ouL Lo Lry Lo
grab 8ellaLrlx's hands)
e||atr|x (shakes hlm off her volce almosL Leary) no 1here are pleces of you mlsslng (scampers off Lhe
sLage)
Vo|demort (calllng afLer her as she leaves) Are you Lalklng abouL my Porcruxes? 'Cause lf lL weren'L for
Lhose l wouldn'L even be here rlghL now!
volJemott smocks tbe Jesk ooqtlly 1be llqbts foJe
AcL 2 Scene 7
1be llqbts focos lo oo otty wbo ls koeelloq lo tbe mlJJle of tbe stoqe bolJloq oo lovlslblllty clook
Mlssloq oo ls sooq Oolttell llmploq oot os well ot tbe opptoptlote tlme 1btooqboot tbls eotlte sceoe
volJemott ls lo tbe sboJows leooloq oqolost tbe toble wbeo tbe sooq flolsbes tbe llqbts foJe ftom
otty ooJ Oolttell ooJ bock to volJemott A ueotb otet wolks lo
eath Later My uark Lord news from Severus Snape uumbledore ls dead and Lhe uemenLors have
conLrol of Lhe casLle PogwarLs ls yours my uark Lord
Vo|demort (leLs ouL a forced exclLed sound) LxcelleL! repare my flylng machlne! Looks llke l'm golng
back Lo PogwarLs
volJemott leops off of tbe toble ooJ toos off tbe stoqe 1be llqbts foJe
AcL 2 Scene 8
otty slts oo o stool o blt to tbe slJe of tbe stoqe es stlll clotcbloq tbe lovlslblllty clook Clooy toos loto
tbe toom
arry Parry!
arry (geLs up and looks aL Clnny shocked and somewhaL scared) Clnny whaL are you dolng here? CeL
ouL of here!
G|nny no Lhere's no place Lo go 1he ueaLh LaLers are all over Lhe casLle!
arry (concerned) l know and Lhey're looklng for me And lf Lhey flnd me you're gonna be wlLh me
?ou're gonna you're gonna geL ln Lrouble CeL ouL of here!
G|nny Well whaL are you golng Lo do?
arry no Clnny l'm noL cuL ouL for Lhls klnd of Lhlng (sLarLs walklng away)
G|nny 8uL no you have Lo do someLhlng l don'L know whaL you can do buL you can do lL ?ou're Parry
oLLer!
arry (Lurnlng around angrlly) no!
G|nny ?ou're Lhe 8oy Who Llved!
arry no Clnny you don'L geL lL! none of you guys geL lL (walks away dramaLlcally agaln) l'm l'm [usL
a Lwelve yearold kld (Lhrows hls hands up ln defeaL) See l'm sorry buL l'm alone lL's hopeless rlghL?
1bey sloq Not Alooe etmlooe ooJ koo comloq lo ot tbe opptoptlote tlme
erm|one AlrlghL now LhaL we goL LhaL fourparL harmony ouL of Lhe way why don'L we go look for
LhaL Porcrux
arry ?eah! LeL's do lL
on Well lL could be anywhere! lf l had a Porcrux l would drop lL ln Lhe boLLom of Lhe ocean Cr l
would puL lL ln a pyramld wlLh klng 1uL and all hls [ewels Cr l would blasL lL lnLo space wlLh a monkey
who knew noLhlng abouL Porcruxes
Permlone Cr lL could be hldden somewhere around Lhe mundane 8rlLlsh counLryslde Cur search could
enLall monLhs of depresslng camplng and breaklng lnLo CrlngoLLs and drlnklng boaLloads of oly[ulce
oLlon
arry (holdlng up Lhe medalllon) Well medalllon says LhaL's dumb So we're noL golng Lo do LhaL 8uL lL
does say LhaL lL's ln one convenlenL place geL Lhls PogwarLs
on (geLLlng up) Ch LhaL's awesome l love PogwarLs
arry WhaL's even beLLer lL's ln uumbledore's offlce
on 8lLchln'!
arry ?eah So leL's go (ls abouL Lo move when he Lurns Lo look aL Clnny) Ch walL a second walL a
second Pold Lhe phone Pow dld you guys geL here? 1here are ueaLh LaLers all over PogwarLs
G|nny Ch l had help (nods)
arry Who?
Clooy tbtows bet otms oot scteomloq ooJ polotloq ot tbe otbet slJe of tbe stoqe utoco wolks oot
lookloq somewbot oftolJ otty koo ooJ etmlooe oll foce blm otty ooJ etmlooe bolJloq oot tbelt
wooJ ooJ koo bolJloq oot tbe 5wotJ of CtyffloJot Clooy toos ovet to utoco stooJloq lo ftoot of blm to
block tbem ftom ttyloq to bex blm
on Malfoy!
G|nny no no he's really nlce now!
raco ?eah And l [usL wanLed Lo say LhaL LhaL song you guys sang was really beauLlful (awkward
pause) And whlle whlle l was backsLage l was worklng on my (ln a slngsong volce) harmonlzlng! And l
LhoughL maybe l could [oln you buL you wrapped up [usL before l could chlme ln Lhere (awkward
chuckle) Maybe lf you have a reprlse l could have a llLLle go aL lL 8uL as Clnny sald l'm really nlce now
and l [usL feel awful abouL whaL happened 8uL l mean could you argue LhaL Lhls was my faulL? (scoffs
as lf Lhls ls absurd)
arry ?es
on ?es
erm|one AbsoluLely
raco ?es ?eah LhaL would be a safe argumenL 8uL leL me ask you one quesLlon (pauses and looks
around) uo you Lhlnk l'm happy abouL Lhls?
on (exasperaLed) Ch my Cod Malfoy [usL because you're upseL doesn'L mean you're off Lhe hook
arry ?eah and furLhermore do you wanL Lo klck your own ass or should we do lL for you? (all Lhree of
Lhem lean ln LhreaLenlngly)
raco Well l guess lf you're glvlng me Lhe opLlon l'll klck my own ass 8uL flrsL l should Leach you how
Lo geL lnLo uumbledore's offlce lL's lronlcally Lhe same way Lhe ueaLh LaLers goL ln
erm|one Ckay alrlghL Well why don'L you boys head off Lo uumbledore's offlce Clnny and l we'll
Lake Lhe lnvlslblllLy Cloak And we wlll see lf we can conLacL Lhe Crder of Lhe hoenlx We really haven'L
seen Lhem Lhe whole play
utoco wooJets ovet to koo ooJ otty scootloq bls woy lo betweeo tbem
arry (handlng Lhem Lhe lnvlslblllLy Cloak) Ckay 1haL's a good plan
utoco pots otty oo tbe bock
arry uon'L Louch me 8uL leL's geL ouL of here 1haL's good!
koo booJs utoco tbe 5wotJ of CtyffloJot utoco ooJ otty leove oo ooe slJe ooJ Clooy leoves oo tbe
otbet koo joqs bock to etmlooe
on Pey hey Permlone! C'mon Come downsLage (does so wlLh Permlone) Pey llsLen Aww shlL
(looks awkwardly around before faclng her headon) um alrlghL Pey So l've been acLlng llke a real
[erkass laLely ?ou know LhaL And l'm sorry lL's [usL seelng you dance wlLh everyone aL Lhe ?ule 8all
made me klnd of [ealous l was [ealous (shlfLs around)
erm|one (shocked and happy) ?ou were [ealous?
on 1haL's Lhe Lhlrd Llme l've sald l'm [ealous
erm|one Well 8on we don'L really have Lo Lalk abouL Lhls rlghL now
on Well whaL lf Lhe ueaLh LaLers geL us? WhaL lf we don'L come back?
erm|one 8on don'L say LhaL!
koo leoos soJJeoly fotwotJ ooJ qtobbloq bet foce klssloq bet fot o secooJ befote pollloq bock e
tbtows bls booJs op lo tbe olt 8otb of tbem lookeJ completely sbockeJ
on Woah!
1bey botb kloJ of bteotbe beovlly lookloq sotptlseJ Oolckly tbose Jeep bteotbs toto to oocettoloty
oboot tbelt bteotb 1bey llft tbelt booJ op smellloq tbelt owo bteotb 1bey leoo fotwotJ owkwotJly
opptoocbloq eocb otbet ooJ etmlooe bteotbs loto koos foce
on Ch no way (pulls ouL a blueberry sour [ulce candy boLLle from hls pockeL and sprays lL ln her
mouLh) 1haL's blueberry
erm|one ?eah l can LasLe lL
on ?ou have Lo leL lL seLLle
erm|one (nods)
1bey leoo fotwotJ oqolo ooJ etmlooe blows lo bls foce oqolo e polls bock oqolo
on Ch lL's ungodly (pulls ouL gum from hls pockeL and puLs one and Lhen anoLher ln Permlone's
mouLh) AlrlghL alrlghL 1ake Lwo (pauses and looks aL her) ?ou chew lL
5be cbews lt ooJ tbey leoo fotwotJ oqolo
on Awesome!
1bey klss exttemely owkwotJly olmost excloslvely by stlckloq oot tbelt tooqoes ooJ slobbetloq oo eocb
otbet 1bey slowly topple ovet llke tbls os tbelt otms wtop otoooJ eocb otbet lo tbe eoJ etmlooe eoJs
op oo tbe floot koo bovetloq obove bet 1bey poll bock pootloq olmost os lf tbeyve jost boJ sex
on (geLs up and screams before sLruLLlng off) LeL's go klll voldemorL!
lqbts foJe os be wolks off stoqe
AcL 2 Scene 9
lqbts slowly foJe lo to sbow koo toooloq otoooJ tbe stoqe wovloq tbe 5wotJ of CtyffloJot oll otoooJ
utoco ls lo tbe bockqtoooJ ooJ otty wooJets otoooJ os well bolJloq op tbe otctoxseekloq
meJollloo volJemott stooJs blJJeo bebloJ tbe plllot wltb tbe 2eftoo postet e leoos ovet koockloq tbe
2eftoo postet to tbe qtoooJ (stlll ttyloq to temolo os blJJeo ftom tbe ooJleoce) As lt folls lt cotcbes
evetyooes otteotloo koo polots tbe swotJ ot lt wblle utoco wolks towotJ lt plckloq lt op ooJ lookloq ot
lt oJotloqly
raco (adorlngly) uld you blokes see Lhls Zefron posLer?
arry ?eah Malfoy
on Malfoy we already know abouL lL
arry LlsLen Malfoy lL's noL LhaL blg of a deal Can we [usL look for some Porcruxes please?
on LeL me check ln here
koo wolks ovet to tbe Jesk utoco Joes os well tbooqb ooly oftet pottloq tbe 2eftoo postet Jowo
qloqetly 1bey ptoceeJ to poll oot votloos scbool tbloqs oskloq wbetbet lts o otctox otty bolJs tbe
meJollloo op to lt befote Jeclotloq tbot lts oot
on ls Lhls Lhlng of penclls a Porcrux?
arry no
raco 1hls?
arry no
on 1hls?
arry nope no
raco ack of donuLs?
on (snaLchlng Lhem) 1hose are snacks 1hose are snacks (holds up Lhe Sword of Cryfflndor) ls Lhls a
Porcrux?
arry uoesn'L seem llke lL
on Argh! (pulls back and waves Lhe sword around frusLraLedly) 1hls could Lake forever 1here are so
many Lhlngs ln Lhls room 1he only Lhlng of real value ls LhaL Zefron posLer
arry (pauses) WalL a second ?ou don'L Lhlnk
raco no
arry no! (walks over Lo lL along wlLh 8on)
on AnyLhlng relaLed Lo Zac Lfron would never be evll unless voldemorL's face was sLlcklng ouL of lL
volJemott jomps oot ftom bebloJ tbe plllot scteomloq ooJ qtobbloq tbe postet ooJ opeoloq lt wbete
tbe foce ls stlckloq bls owo foce lo lts ploce 1bey oll leop bock otty ooJ utoco follloq to tbe qtoooJ
koo bolJs oot tbe 5wotJ of CtyffloJot koo otty ooJ utoco scteom
arry 8on! 8on! klll lL! 8on lL's Lhe lasL Porcrux!
raco no! no! uon'L klll lL!
on 8uL guys he's so charlsmaLlc!
orcrux uon'L klll me l'm noL your enemy oLLer ls Lhe enemy
on no no Parry's my frlend (walks over sllghLly closer)
orcrux Vo|dy ?ou goL Lo geL your head ln Lhe game Weasley! Pe wlll beLray you Pe wlll Lake LhaL
whlch you wanL Lhe mosL
arry (leanlng back sLlll on Lhe ground) lL's a lle 8on uon'L llsLen Lo lL he's lylng!
orcrux l know your LhoughLs 8onald Weasley l know whaL you Lruly deslre
etmlooe toos lo qtobbloq tbe postet ftom volJemott ooJ stlckloq bet beoJ lo tbe opeo slot volJemott
folls bock
orcrux ermy Pello 8on
on Ch my Cod Permlone you've losL welghL
erm|one 1haL's rlghL l changed for Parry oLLer
arry WalL whaL?
on WhaL? Parry?
orcrux ermy 1haL's rlghL! As long as Parry's around you'll always be second besL leasL loved 8uL lf
Parry oLLer were gone 1hen we could be LogeLher forever
on (shaklng hls head) no
arry lL's noL Lrue lL's noL Lrue 8on!
on ?eah Parry's my frlend
orcrux ermy 8uL don'L you wanL me 8on?
on yes
orcrux ermy uon'L you love me 8on?
on ?es! (grlps sword more LlghLly)
orcrux ermy 1hen you know whaL you goL Lo do 8on!
on ?es! (puLs on a face as lf he's ln a Lrance) l musL klll Parry (Lurns around walklng Lowards Parry
wlLh Lhe sword ouLsLreLched Lhe same Lrancellke expresslon on hls face)
Vo|demort (from Lhe sldellnes) 1haL's rlghL Weasley!
arry (scooLlng back and wavlng one hand wlldly) 8on no! lL's a Lrlck 8on uon'L llsLen Lo her! LlsLen
Permlone's one of my besL frlends l would never do anyLhlng Lo hurL you or her!
Vo|demort Lles Weasley! All lles! ?ou musL be able Lo Lell!
arry (sprawled ouL almosL weakly on Lhe ground) 8on lL's noL Lrue! ?ou're my besL frlend man My
besL frlend
Vo|demort klll!
arry (coverlng hls face) l love you!
koo totos otoooJ lost secooJ stobbloq tbtooqb tbe bole ot tbe foce etmlooe Jtops tbe postet ooJ koo
keeps oo stobbloq ot lt otty qets op
arry uo lL agaln!
koo stobs lt ooe mote tlme befote stomblloq ooJ follloq to tbe qtoooJ otty qets op os Joes utoco
utoco toos ovet to tbe postet plckloq lt op ooJ flxloq lt so tbot 2oc ftoos foce ls bock lo ploce koo
leoos oqolost tbe Jesk ooJ qtobs tbe Jooots clotcbloq tbem to bls cbest
raco Ch [usL puL some Lape on Lhls lL's flne
arry 8on ?ou had me golng Lhere for a mlnuLe buddy
on (panLlng) ?eah Sorry abouL LhaL pal lL's [usL everyLhlng she was saylng l couldn'L l don'L know
arry (movlng closer Lo 8on) WhaL?
on Lven lf LhaL's how she dld feel abouL you and me Well lL wouldn'L maLLer (pauses) 8ecause
you're my besL frlend
arry (blLes hls flnger and looks away)
on l would never do anyLhlng Lo hurL you (blLes hls flngers as well and snlffles) 8ecause l love you
man
arry (Leary) l love you Loo man
koo ooJ otty too ot eocb otbet pollloq eocb otbet tlqbtly loto o boq utoco stlll bolJloq tbe 2eftoo
postet ottempts jolo lo bot ls sboveJ bock by koo losteoJ be slts oo tbe Jesk
raco LlsLen chaps as fun as Lhls was l LhoughL desLroylng a Porcrux would be much harder
on ?eah
arry ?eah me Loo (walks Lowards uraco)
on (plcks up Lhe Sword of Cryfflndor and slLs down on Lhe desk nexL Lo uraco) So when you Lhlnk
abouL lL Porcruxes are [usL klnda sLupld
1be ueotb otets 8ellottlx locloJeJ botqe lo tbtooqb tbe Joot Jtoqqloq etmlooe ooJ Clooy lo wltb
tbem 8ellottlx bos etmlooe by tbe bolt otty utoco ooJ koo stott scteomloq os tbe ueotb otets
cockle koo polots tbe swotJ ooJ otty bls wooJ 5lmllotly tbe ueotb otets bove tbelt wooJs oot
polotloq ot otty koo ooJ utoco utoco qoes to sblelJ tbe 2eftoo postet by wtopploq o leq otoooJ lt
e||atr|x uL your wands down!
raco Pow dld you ldloLs geL capLured? ?ou were lnvlslble?
erm|one Sorry
e||atr|x uo lL oLLer or Lhey dle!
arry Well looks llke Lhey've goL us backed agalnsL Lhe wall wlLh nowhere Lo go uL your swords
down and wands (drops hls wand whlle 8on drops hls sword)
e||atr|x Aww look aL lLLy blLLy Parry oLLer glvlng orders Lo lLLy blLLy dlaper frlends
arry l'm noL a baby! l'm noL a baby! l'm Lwelve!
5oope botqes loto tbe toom bolJloq bls wooJ oot
nape WhaL Lhe devll ls golng on here?! (pauses and drops arm) Woah de[ vu (llfLs wand up agaln)
e||atr|x Look Snape! l love lL We have oLLer and hls frlends aL lasL!
erm|one (Lrylng Lo break free of Lhe grlp) ?ou are a very mean person!
on ?eah uumbledore LrusLed you!
arry ?eah you're a blg faL LralLor Snape
nape Ch a LralLor am l oLLer? ?ou're exacLly rlghL l am a LralLor (walks closer Lo Lhe ueaLh LaLers)
8ecause l am abouL Lo be18A? someonerlghL now
5oope slosbes Jowo wltb bls book ompototloq tbe otm of ooe of tbe ueotb otets vetyooe scteoms
ooJ tbe ueotb otet folls to tbe qtoooJ AmlJst tbe Jlsttoctloo etmlooe toos ovet to otty koo ooJ
utoco os Joes Clooy
nape 8aL8oegy Pex!
1be ueotb otet flops bls otms otoooJ ooJ flles off stoqe
e||atr|x Lxpelllarmus!
nape Woah! (hls wand flles ouL of hls hand and he runs aL 8ellaLrlx hook ralsed)
e||atr|x SerpensorLla!
A moo comes oot wltb o sooke ooJ pots lt ovet 5oopes ctotcb e clotcbes ot ltooJ folls to tbe qtoooJ
wblle evetyooe scteoms
nape My wlener!
arry Snape no l dldn'L (sLarLs runnlng Lowards Snape)
e||atr|x (polnLlng her wand menaclngly aL Lhem) no don'L even Lhlnk abouL lL unless any of you wanL a
snake Lo Lhe wlener!
At tbls koo ooJ utoco ose tbe 2eftoo postet to sblelJ tbelt wleoets
e||atr|x now come on oLLer ?ou're comlng wlLh me Cnly Lhe uark Lord has reserved Lhe rlghL Lo klll
you C'mon!
otty stotts followloq bot Molly weosley botsts lo ftom tbe slJe All of tbem look ot bet lo sotptlse
,o||y klds!
on Mom?
arry Mrs Weasley?
e||atr|x (looklng puL off) Who Lhe hell are you?
,o||y l'm Molly Weasley and Lhose (she gesLures) are my klds
e||atr|x WhaL? (looks around)
,o||y Avada kedavra!
e||atr|x (doubles over) 1haL ls noL falr! (she sLarLs falllng Lo Lhe ground)
,o||y ule! (pauses) 8lLch
8ellottlx ls offlclolly JeoJ 1be klJs stote lo sbock ooJ Molly bos o ptooJ look oo bet foce koo qoes
fotwotJ lookloq obsolotely bewllJeteJ Clooy follows otms ootsttetcbeJ fot o boq
on Poly shlL! Mom you [usL kllled her l LhoughL you were golng Lo Luck ln her shlrL or make her do Lhe
dlshes!
,o||y SLupld klds! (slaps)
G|nny]on Cw! (cover Lhelr ears)
,o||y uesperaLe Llmes call for desperaLe measures Lven Lhe unforglvable can be consldered forglvable
someLlmes
G|nny WhaL are you dolng here?
,o||y Came here wlLh Lhe Crder of Lhe hoenlx Lupln 1onks MadLye Moody Slrlus 8lack and your
broLher lred
on Well where are Lhey?
,o||y 1hey're all dead
G|nny (looklng horrlfled) lred Ch Cod
,o||y (LlghLenlng 8on's Lle and paLLlng Clnny on Lhe shoulder) Anyway l came here Lo save your llves
Co back Lo whaL you were dolng ulsapparaLe!
5be leoves tbe stoqe wovloq qooJbye