Baha'i Marriage and Marriage in the West1 In the short obligatory prayer, each Baha'i affirms "I bear

witness, O my God, that Thou hast created me to know Thee and to worship Thee." In the long obligatory prayer we say "Thou seest me . . . rid of all attachment to anyone save Thee. . . ." All Western notions of marriage become [questionable] considering these two statements. The romantic notion of the passionate consumption of our heart by another's beauty is [also questionable] in light of every person's ultimate purpose to know and to worship God. If another human being consumes our heart, we have nothing left with which to love God. In the Hidden Words of Baha'u'llah we can read "Thy heart is My home; sanctify it for My descent" and "All that is in heaven and earth I have ordained for thee, except the human heart, which I have made the habitation of My beauty and glory; . . ." Many other common reasons for marriage can equally be shown to be incorrect. I will give another example. The idea of using marriage to provide gain to the individual is also irrelevant to the idea of knowing and worshipping God. This includes material gain, emotional gain, intellectual gain and spiritual gain. Material gain can be marrying for wealth or convenience. Emotional gain can be marrying for emotional support. Intellectual gain can be marrying for prestige or intellectual companionship. And spiritual gain can be marrying to find fulfillment or to find one's "soul mate." Each of these reasons can be specifically defeated. Nevertheless, more generally, one argument can defeat all these. In the Most Holy Book Baha'u'llah writes "Marry, O people . . . this is one of My commandments unto you. . . ." Ideally a person follows the commandment only for the sake of God and regardless to all personal effects. Nevertheless, the ideal is not usually possible. People have complex motivations that can be both conscious and unconscious. So if one is not able to marry for the ideal, does that mean one is not to marry? The simple answer comes from the Writings. Shoghi Effendi writes, "Of course, under normal circumstances, every person should consider it his moral duty to marry." We can take this statement at face value and endeavor to marry, just as we endeavor to accomplish all our other moral obligations. Unsurprisingly though, this simple answer leads to many more questions. So again we must turn to the Writings to explain the answer that has been given to us. Baha'u'llah writes, "The fundamental purpose animating the Faith of God and His Religion is to safeguard the interests and promote the unity of the human race, and to foster the spirit of love and fellowship amongst men." From this statement, we obtain a clear understanding of the context of all the laws and principles elucidated in the Baha'i writings. Thus, the law of marriage must be designed to address the fundamental principle of unity. We see in society today an overabundance of discord and dissension. As for marriage particularly, the statistics in nearly every culture are becoming appalling, even ridiculous. Divorce, spousal abuse, child abuse, substance abuse and various forms of estrangement are all becoming so common as to be expected. Asserting that all these conditions in family life are serious problems is easy. Humanity has not been able to solve these problems. This is humanities dilemma. Baha'u'llah as the Divine Physician has brought us the solutions that we need. 'Abdu'l-Baha writes ". . . Verily they are married in obedience to Thy command. Cause them to become the signs of harmony and unity until the end of time." Baha'u'llah writes "And when He desired to manifest grace and beneficence to men, and to set the world in order, He revealed observances and created laws; among them He established the law of marriage, made it as a fortress for well-being and salvation. . . ." Clearly, the law of marriage in the Cause of God is designed to "safeguard the interests and promote the unity of the human race."
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Yet how does an individual make sure that his or her marriage will in fact be the "fortress of well-being" that Baha'u'llah describes? In most respects the writings are clear about the ideal way of going about marriage. To summarize, there are five basic requirements one must meet before one marries. First, as Baha'u'llah writes, ". . . man should know his own self, and recognize that which leadeth unto loftiness or lowliness, glory or abasement, wealth or poverty." Of the next requirement, 'Abdu'l-Baha writes, ". . . thou must choose one who is pleasing to thee." Next, as Shoghi Effendi writes, a Baha'i must adhere to ". . . a chaste and holy life, with its implications of modesty, purity, temperance, decency, and clean-mindedness. . . ." In the Kitab-i-Aqdas, Baha'u'llah writes, It hath been laid down in the Bayan that marriage is dependent upon the consent of both parties. Desiring to establish love, unity and harmony amidst Our servants, We have conditioned it, once the couple's wish is known, upon the permission of their parents, lest enmity and rancor should arise amongst them. Finally, concerning engagement, 'Abdu'l-Baha writes, ". . . when the parties become engaged, and it is certain that they will be married, not more than ninety-five days should elapse before the marriage takes place." There are also requirements that one must meet concerning the marriage ceremony and ones duties, privileges, and rights once married. The requirements for the marriage ceremony are simple and elegant. There must be a witness to the marriage approved by the Local Spiritual Assembly, and the two people to be married must both recite the short powerful statement: "We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God." As to one's duties, privileges, and rights in marriage, we refer the reader to the article by . . . All the writings that are available on the subject of marriage seem to have one omission about which Western believers may be concerned. Little mention is made of the nature of the emotional bond between the marriage partners. That is to say, the romantic notion discussed above is not mentioned as a requirement of marriage. This seemingly strange 'oversight' perhaps deserves some explanation 'Abdu'l-Baha, in His Paris Talks, describes the nature of true love. Quoting Him here extensively is appropriate. The love which exists between the hearts of believers is prompted by the ideal of the unity of spirits. This love is attained through the knowledge of God, so that men see the Divine Love reflected in the heart. Each sees in the other the Beauty of God reflected in the soul, and finding this point of similarity, they are attracted to one another in love. This love will make all men the waves of one sea, this love will make them all the stars of one heaven and the fruits of one tree. This love will bring the realization of true accord, the foundation of real unity. But the love which sometimes exists between friends is not (true) love, because it is subject to transmutation; this is merely fascination. As the breeze blows, the slender trees yield. If the wind is in the East the tree leans to the West, and if the wind turns to the West the tree leans to the East. This kind of love originates by the accidental conditions of life. This is not love, it is merely acquaintanceship; it is subject to change. Source:
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CBsQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.berteig.org%2F mishkin%2FMarriageFrames.html&ei=N963TvSsB6r-2QWknNHMDQ&usg=AFQjCNHy3uFWli03VdprOdN1ZFyBWjEPA&sig2=SHV6pkyX5z8A4DSaSiGlyg

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