SOME DIARY PAGES

Date: 15-Jan

HE:

I wait everyday till 8.00 in the office even if there is no work. All of my
teammates ask me why; how can I tell them that I don’t wait for any personal
or official work but the only reason why I wait is the ‘secretary’- a girl in my
8.00 p.m. Chinchwad bus. ‘Secretary’ is not her real name, it’s sort of a code
name given to her by me and my friends. Truly speaking, I like her. She might
not be one of those who look like Aishwarya Rai or Preitty Zinta, but she is
cute and simple and that’s the reason I like her. For past 6 months I have
been staring at her in the bus, while going to office and coming back from the
office. When I get into bus, somehow my eyes search the whole bus just to
have her glimpse.

I never had a girlfriend till now, not that I don’t like to have friendship
with girls but somehow they usually prefer tall-dark-handsome qualities in
their boyfriends, out of which I possess none. I don’t want to jump to any
relationship like this with the secretary but at least just a friendship, is it
possible?

I want to talk to her. I want to have friendship with her. I know her
name, for I had seen her ID card one day. But I don’t have the guts to talk to
her. I even don’t know whether she knows me even by face. I know, no one
can help me here; no-one other than myself, but I simply have no guts. At
least someone probably a common friend, might at least formally introduce
us to each other.

SHE:

There is one guy in my office bus. His name is Niranjan. I think he likes
me, for me and even my friends have observed him many times staring at
myself. Even when he gets into the bus, rather than searching for an empty
seat, his eyes search the whole bus for me. Don’t know why but I kind of like
it. Sometimes the feeling of knowing that someone loves you is far better
than actually loving somebody. I didn’t have any affair till today, not that I
didn’t like or love anyone, there was a guy in my college, whom I liked a lot
but somehow he stayed away from me, not that he didn’t like me but
probably because I am not that beautiful and he wanted someone much more
better than me.
 This guy, Niru, that’s what his friends call him, I had heard it once in
the bus; he seems to be interested in me, not sure about love as such but
friendship might not be bad. At least the guy seems to be descent one. I
would like to be his friend, but how can I go forward? Afterall he is the boy, he
should come one step ahead …not me.

Date: 16-Jan

HE:

My roommate told me to approach her and get introduced to her all by

myself. It’s not that easy; this is not a college, what if she complains about
this to higher authorities? No, I can’t take this risk. Someone else better
introduce her to me. God, can you help me please?

SHE:

My cousin told me to show some sign to him that I am ok in having

friendship with him. I think he is afraid to come forward. I’ll give him a good
friendly smile tomorrow, when he gets into the bus. I hope he understands
and decrypts my signal. God, can you please help him?

GOD:

Now should I come into this picture? Both of these human beings are
acting as if they are in a big problem. Although not for me, I had made life so
simple for you, just added a bit of emotions there and see how complex you
have made it. Now that I am the god, you must have been expecting me to
intervene and have some miracle, but no; I won’t interfere here. I have
created this world with some fixed rules and everything is just working as per
that. Why should I just interfere and break my own rules thereby disrupting
the balance of this whole system?

Date: 17-Jan
HE:

Today when I got into the bus and looked at her, she returned back a
cute smile. Was she serious? I don’t know; probably she must have told her
friends about me and they must have been making fun of me and that’s why
when I got into the bus she started laughing and I misunderstood it for
smiling. Such a fool of me. Damn, her friends must be having fun discussing
things about me.

SHE:

Today when he got into the bus, I smiled at him. But he seemed to be
more puzzled than pleased. Is he really interested in having friendship with
me or not? I really don’t know. Why am I thinking so much about him? Have I
started liking him? Or is it just like you just get used to some things as a
habit, and then you unknowingly start liking them? I think it’s the latter case
here. Please god please let that guy be a descent one. My sixth sense says he
is a descent guy. I think he must have got puzzled because of the smile I gave
him. It wasn’t my fault, for I showed him that I am interested in friendship.
Now the ball lies in his court. Will he dare first to talk?

Date: 18-Jan

HE:

I am damn confused. I don’t know what to do. Every day everyone

around me is bombarding me with some tactics to approach her but nothing
seems to suit me well. My roommates even started taunting me that I can’t
have a girlfriend or at least the guts to approach the gal. I am leaving it now
on luck. I will just continue whatever is going on; let the luck take us
wherever and however intended.

Date: 25-Jan

HE:

Nothing unusual or special happened in the last few days. However,

today I thought something interesting might happen. The bus was about to
start the back-home journey today when she and one of her friends got into
the bus. They were searching for a place to sit. I was alone on a seat of
three. I was thrilled that she would sit on the same seat beside me. But she
just came, momentarily paused at the seat, turned to her friend and just went
past; to sit on the last seat. I couldn’t see the expressions on her face clearly
but what I saw was a face filled up with hate or some similar feeling that
clearly showed expression such as whatever might happen, I am not going to
sit beside this *****. It was really heartbreaking. It was the biggest insult I had
suffered till now. Am I so hopeless?

Date: 26-Jan

HE:

Today, there was public holiday so I got lot of time to think and analyze
the situation. What was my fault? I haven’t done anything wrong. I didn’t ever
talk to her, I never tried to flirt, I never gossiped about her except for my
close friends. I am even sure that none of my co-travelers in the bus know
that I like her. Whenever I stare at her I take necessary precaution as not to
be too obvious. I don’t want to embarrass her in any way. When I am trying
my best for this, then why did she have such cruel expressions on the face?

I think either she knows now that I like her and stare at her and she
doesn’t want to encourage me or simply, she just hates me for no reason,
just like many of my classmates who hate me for no reason.

I don’t know what to do now, but either ways I think she just doesn’t
want me to be anywhere around her. She just hates me. Just one more failure.
Does it hurt? Yes it does, but I am very much used to it. I’ll try my best not to
look at her. I don’t want to do anything that she doesn’t like. I will try to
forget her as if she was just one more dream in my life which simply didn’t
come true. Probably, I don’t deserve to be with her. This is fate afterall. I will
have to obey it.

SHE:

Today was a holiday. So I couldn’t see him, although I wanted to. I

actually wanted to apologize for whatever happened yesterday. I got into the
bus and searched for the seat. He was sitting alone on the seat for 3, it was a
good chance for me to sit with him and have a word or two. I was just thrilled.
I was about to sit on the same seat when Kruti said something. I didn’t hear it
properly so I turned to her. She said, ”See, Raghav is there, he has reserved
seats for us.” I just hate that Raghav, he is always ready to flirt provided the
other person is a girl. Whenever I see him, somehow I try my best to be as
away from him as I can, I even show hatred to him directly on my face but
this guy simply ignores this. I don’t know why Kruti likes him so much.

So the point is I went to the seat that Raghav had reserved specially
for us. I felt really bad for Niru, but if I would have denied Raghav’s offer and
would have sat on Niru’s seat; it would have just been too obvious. He must
have felt embarrassed. Poor guy.

Date: 27-Jan

SHE:

Today he seemed to have lost in thoughts. When he got into the bus,
surprisingly he didn’t search for me. He even didn’t look up. He just went
straight to the last seat and started reading a novel. I tried looking at him
once or twice but he didn’t lift his head at all. I think he is hurt, I am feeling
sorry, but what can I do? When we got down at the office gate, I purposefully
lingered a bit more at the gates to give back him a smile, but I couldn’t spot
him in the crowd. Niru, I am sorry, please be normal again.

Date: 28-Jan

SHE:

Today I saw him in the food court. He was there with two girls and was
chatting, laughing, cracking jokes. He seemed to enjoy the company. Is he
also a typical boy who just wants to have as many girls around him as
possible? Is he a typical flirt? Does he want me also to get included in that
group for showcasing?

Probably the two girls were just good friends of him. At least I hope so.
Please god please let those be his sisters or just friends, nothing else.

Date: 3-Feb

HE:

Since that evening thing has happened, I have left staring at her. I
don’t know but some inner voice is telling me to keep away. I am not a street
walking beggar to be treated like this. She might consider herself whatever
she might think of. She is beautiful, indeed, but that doesn’t mean she can
insult me like that. I have sward not to look at her again anymore and just to
avoid her looks.

But I can’t stay like this. I just like her and want to be with her. She has
committed a mistake, but wasn’t that a bit natural. She doesn’t like me and
doesn’t want to encourage my feelings about her. Simple isn’t it? That’s it. A
complete halt for my feelings and my dreams, but I don’t think I can manage
not to have even a look at her. Will I be able to do it?

There is some saying, ‘Oh god, change the situations around me to

favor me. At least give me the strength to change it. If I can’t change it, at
least give me the strength to bear it.’ Oh God, please listen to me.

GOD:

You don’t remember me when you are happy or contempt, do you?

When there is a problem or a really difficult situation, then you start
remembering me or praising me, don’t you? I still won’t interfere here. My
world is a complex entity with each and every thing or event properly
planned for some specific future as well as past reason. Why should I
interfere and break the balance of all these systems myself?

Date: 14-Feb

HE:

By the time I am writing this, Valentine’s Day is already over. It doesn’t

matter anyways, since nothing unusual has happened today. The day had
been very much like other 365 days in the year or probably last 21
valentine’s days in my life. I was hoping that I at least get to catch her
glimpse but fate didn’t seem to favor me even this much. Due to this night
shift, I am even deprived of her glimpses. Today, I even lingered a bit at the
gates at the usual bus timing to watch her, but she didn’t turn up. I think god
wants to signal me to keep away from her. My insult that day was the first
one and now this was the second one. Ok god, I got it.

SHE:

Valentine’s day is over but I couldn’t manage even to see him today. I
thought today he might come to me and have a talk, but he didn’t. Even he is
not traveling nowadays by the usual bus. Did he change home or worst the
company itself?
 Today all my teammates have gone out with their valentines and I am
alone back home. That’s why I left the office early and came straight back to
home. If that evening thing wouldn’t have happened, probably today I would
not have been alone. I think the fate doesn’t want us together. Probably so.
Ok god, if this is what is intended for me, ok; I accept it, obviously I anyways
don’t have any alternative, but still.

Date: 27-Feb

HE:

I was working in the night shift for the whole month so had to travel by
cab rather than bus. I used to work from 4.00 p.m. to 2.30 a.m. so naturally I
had lost contact with almost all people working in dayshift except for my
teammates who would surrender the charge to me while leaving for the day.
For the whole month I didn’t travel by bus. Obviously didn’t see her. She
works in the adjacent building only, but I don’t know where her cubicle is
located exactly and anyways even if I would be knowing that, I don’t think I
have that much guts to approach her.

For almost a month I didn’t see her, but I didn’t feel any desperation to
see her. I was unbelievably aloof in this case. Was it the effect of that evening
incidence?

Date: 28-Feb

HE:

Today, the office had planned to screen a movie in the campus. I had
seen it but thought of enjoying it with friends in the open air. I took the
permission for an hour from my boss and went for that. The dialogues were
not much audible on the lawns, but it was fun to watch the movie in an open
air theatre like that. I was to leave the place to return to my cubicle and
turned around when I saw her standing there just around 10 feet away from
me.

I don’t know why but my heart started speeding a lot higher than even
Michael Schumaker’s Ferrari. She just smiled at someone in the crowd at my
back, tried her best not to look directly to me and just left the place. I stood
there for a minute or two just wondering what had happened.

Why did she smile? Did she feel good that I am still in the same
company only or she didn’t even take notice of my presence and really
smiled at someone in the crowd at my back? But we were so close that it was
practically impossible for her to just ignore me.

SHE:

I saw him today, at the movie screening. Thank god he is still working
with this company only. I thought of smiling at him and greeting him. I was so
happy to see him, I wanted to ask him where he was for so many days,
whether he was not well, had he changed his house or was he using bike for
the transport, but again I didn’t ask a single question. I stayed calm. I didn’t
want to embarrass him again.

I don’t know what I feel about him, but somehow whenever I see him, I
do feel better. I hope he starts travelling by bus again. Everyday we can see
each other in the morning and wish each other a very good morning without
any words or smile but just with a plain look.

Date: 5-march

HE:

I resumed my normal duty today. It was good to see all those familiar
faces once again after so many days. Of course my eyes were searching only
one face out of that but still.

Just like my normal schedule, I got into the bus. She was sitting there
with the same plain look on her face, nowhere even a single line of
recognition, but when she saw me, her face reflected a small smile. It
couldn’t escape my notice. Was she happy to see me back in the bus? I don’t
know about her, but I was definitely happy to see her.

SHE:

I was so happy, I tried my best to conceal my happiness but I felt like

getting up from my seat and just sit beside him and talk, talk and just talk to
him. Hey what’s this? What’s happening to me? I never felt like this for
anyone. Is this just sympathy for that evening thing or is this love? No chance
of it. I don’t believe in this love at first sight or so. We don’t know each other,
we don’t know anything about each other, how can this be love? Probably just
infatuation… whatever it may be… I am loving this feeling very much.

DATE: 7-March

HE:
 Today can be called as the luckiest day of my life. I talked to her face
to face for the first time. Rajesh, my friend had some work in Nigdi today and
was travelling by our bus and surprisingly he knew her well. They were
collegemates during the degree. He introduced us formally. I was so happy,
that I just forgot that sometime back she just avoided sitting beside me.
Everything in my brain, all my nervousness, and hatred for her as well as for
my loser …all was just washed up.

Now I can talk to her, I hope I can turn this chance to success. Oh god,
thanks a lot… Rajesh was just like an angel sent by you.

SHE:

Thanks a lottt god…. I am so happy. Even he was. I could easily make

that out from his face. It was just so bright. He still has feelings for me. Thank
god, I thought after that day I kinda lost him, but no. Now we can talk to each
other officially. No problem of who is first … we are friends now. God you are
great.

Rajesh:

Today I was travelling with Niru, my projectmate. Even my best friend

in college was traveling by the same bus. It was a really pleasant surprise to
see her after a couple of years or so. I think my transfer to Pune will result in
some good thing. She has become more beautiful than she was in our college
days. Damn.. why the hell did I neglect her in college when she had crush on
me… I hope she is still single, not even committed or so. I would like simple
girl like to get settled in life. Now I am well settled in job, should go forward
with love matter also.

When I introduced Niru to her today, somehow her face lit up as if she
was eager to have a word or two with him since many days. Niru’s condition
was no different. Do they have something between them? I hope there is
nothing of such sort. Oh God, thanks a lot that you made me meet her, I hope
you help me once again to make her mine. Please just keep Niru out of this.

GOD:

If you get only happiness then you don’t feel its value, do you? That’s
why everything is planned in such a way that whenever you get happy you
should understand its true value. I haven’t done anything special here. It’s all
just happening as predefined.
Date: 10-March

HE:

Since Rajesh has introduced us to each other, the days have been very
good for us. I mean I didn’t talk to her or so, but at least we exchange smile
regularly. Let’s see whether I can sit beside her sometime and have a word or
two.

Date:12-March

HE:

I sat beside her today in the bus while returning from office. We were
chatting a lot, on no specific topics as such, but I really enjoyed her company.
She is really a cute, simple and sweet girl. She said she will be reserving a
seat for me in the morning bus. Let’s see whether she really keeps her
promise…

Date:16-March

HE:

Since last few days, she had been reserving a seat for me in the
morning as well as in the evening bus. We both seem to enjoy each other’s
company very well. I decided to take a step forward today. I asked her for a
cup of coffee in the afternoon. I was a bit depressed about what she might
reply but surprisingly, she said yes without even thinking for a moment as if
she was actually waiting for such a move from my side. We decided to meet
at 4 near the café inside the campus.

She didn’t turn up. I don’t have her cell number so I even couldn’t call
her and ask why she did so. It was so embarrassing for me to wait there just
alone. Did she do it purposefully? Why? I could make out no sensible reason.

If she would be having a meeting or some office work, she should have
informed me. She didn’t call me. My extension or even cell number was
available with the telephone directory. Did she do it for the only reason that
she wanted to show that she doesn’t care for me and prove her importance?

SHE:

Today there happened a real disaster. The servers were down and I was
so busy in recovering them, debugging the code that I almost forgot I had my
first ‘date’ with Niru. I suddenly remembered it just before going to a meeting
at 2 and I was sure that I can easily finish off with the meeting by 4 and meet
Niru, but no. The destiny had some other plans. I had to be in meeting till 5. I
even couldn’t phone Niru and inform him that I am not coming. When the
meeting was over, it was already 6. He must have left for the day. He was
going to Mumbai today, so he must have left early.

What can I do? I wanted to meet him and apologize face to face. Mail
or phone won’t do. I hope we meet on Monday. I’ll explain him everything. He
is a nice guy. He will understand me properly. I am hoping so, obviously I
don’t have any other option at least till Monday.

Date:19-March

HE:

I left for the day early today at 6. I had travelled from Mumbai in the
morning and so needed rest or was it just to avoid her since she travels by 8
o’clock bus? I don’t know the reason but I felt like just avoiding her.

SHE:

Where is he? He must have come from Mumbai in the morning and
joined directly, that’s why he wasn’t in the morning bus, but why not in the
usual evening bus at 8? Probably he was tired. Let’s hope he meets me
tomorrow morning. He will listen to me and this time I will invite him for a
coffee or so.

Date: 21-March

HE:

Yesterday, she explained me the whole thing. How stupid of me? I was
thinking really absurd things about her. She is such a cute girl; it was not her
mistake that she had to attend the meeting. I was kind of ok when she gave
me the explanation. The conversation after that just went normal as it used
to be earlier. Whatever that might be I am not going to ask her out anymore.

Date: 22-March

HE:
 What the hell… what does she think of herself? Today she invited me
for a coffee at 4. I went there on time. I didn’t want to miss it but again she
didn’t turn up. Why? Is she just stressing how important she is and how
unimportant I am for her? I felt like calling her there only and just ask the
reason why is she playing games with me like this. I decided to ask this for
full and final what the matter was, but she didn’t turn up even for 8 o’clock
bus.

Date:27-March

HE:

I couldn’t see her for last 5 days. Did she come to office? Isn’t she
feeling well? I hope she is alright. Oh God, please protect her.

Date: 10-April

Rajesh:

Her father was seriously ill. As a family friend I helped a lot. She
couldn’t go to office for a week or so, but I helped her in conveying the
matter to her seniors. I think this last week helped me a lot as in building a
rapport with her and her parents. Fate has given me a good chance to get
closer to her, I will do so.

Date:25-April

SHE:

Today I met Niru finally after so many days. I thought he might be still
angry about the coffee thing, but to my surprise, he was a bit tensed as to
why I was not coming to the office. I explained him that daddy was seriously
ill. He enquired about dad’s health and then simply changed the subject to
turn my attention to somewhere else. He was just trying to take me out of the
tension about dad’s health. He is such a mature guy, I knew he would
understand.

Date: 20-May

SHE:
 Niru and I have been going out for a long time now. I have started
loving him. I think even he is serious about this relationship but he is younger
than me and I don’t think he is ready for any commitment at this stage of his
life, but mumma and dad are pursuing me for marriage; what should I do?
Should I ask him?

Date: 22-May

SHE:

Niru told me today that he is leaving the company. He has got an

admission to MBA in a College in Mumbai. It’s really difficult to be away from
him at least for 2 years. Should I ask him for a relationship? Will he be ready
for that or he just wants to wait till the completion of his MBA? But I can’t wait
that much. I think I’ll better ask him straight about the commitment let’s see
what he says.

Date: 23-May

Rajesh:

Today I proposed to her. She didn’t show any expressions as such on

face and asked for sometime to think about it, but I know she must have be
just too happy for she had crush on me in our college life. I think she will say
‘yes’. Just that I need to confirm that Niru doesn’t come in between.
Everything should go smooth otherwise. Even her and my parents would not
have any problem in fact they would be happy if she and I get into the most
beautiful relationship.

HE:

Today she called me up and asked to meet for a coffee at our usual
place, but later suddenly she called up to cancel the meeting. I don’t know
why. She sounded stressed a bit on phone so I concluded it to be the result of
work pressure. But when I saw her in the evening in the bus today, she was in
a bit off-mood. I don’t know why. She then just held my hand. I think she
wanted to say something but she was not able to. I couldn’t even understand
what she wanted to say but I kept mum. When my stop came nearer, she
released my hand. I asked her whether she was alright. She didn’t reply
anything else than ‘yes, just fine’.

I tried calling her in the night after dinner, but she didn’t pick up. I
think she must be stressed because of the work and must have slept early. I
hope nothing is wrong. Oh god, please take care of her.

SHE:
 Today was the most dreadful day for me. Rajesh proposed to me. My
mood was off. I loved him in college but he didn’t seem to pay any attention
to me. At times he literally avoided me. Later somehow I just managed to
overcome that feeling. I loved him, but he didn’t. There are no conditions in
love afterall. I tried my best to forget feelings about him, at least suppress
them. He never seemed to like me. Then why now? Has his feelings really
changed ? or he is just playing games with me?

I was going to propose Niru today. It would have been the most crucial
moment of my life and this guy, Rajesh just turned off my mood. I was
literally shocked to hear from him. Not that I don’t like him but now that a
couple of years have passed when we had no contact and even Niru is there
in my life. Much water has flown down the bridge. I don’t know whether I still
love him, and I also don’t know whether Niru is ready to have a commitment
as such with me. I am just confused. Oh god, please help me. Show me some
way. Why didn’t you device any automatic system to solve such problems?

GOD:

Automatic system ? Wow!!! All these software engineers think alike.

They think just the computerization of every system solves most of the
related problems. But real life is not so simple. The real life is much more
complex thing to handle. In arithmetic you have 1+1 =2; but in real life you
may have 1+1 as anything but 2. That’s life.

About the automatic system to solve the real life problems, I have
given you humans one such machine. Some call it heart, some just brain. I
gave you the ability to think. You can take decisions based on your prior
experience, your conscience and you can very easily use it to make decisions
and I am sure even she will find out a way in this ambivalence because even
if she does not trust my creations, I do.

Date: 24-May

SHE:

Yesterday after so many days I cried. I cried a lot. I was completely lost
in dilemma. I was not able to think properly. What should I do? I loved Rajesh
a couple of years ago but he didn’t, at that time. Now he loves me but I love
Niru. Rajesh wants to settle down in life and he wants me to be with him. Niru
has not planned something of that sort, he is just going to complete his MBA
first and then will think of getting settled. Rajesh , he is of my age, very much
mature; whereas Niru is younger, a bit of immature but that suits his age.
Rajesh, my family knows him very well and will be ready perhaps eager to
include him in as my husband; whereas Niru, I haven’t told anything about
him to mom or dad yet.
 But I love Niru a lot, probably more than I used to love Rajesh in
college days. How should I make a decision? Based on feeling for love or
based on my future, the practical aspects for my life? Where should I go? Oh
god, please help me. I need you immensely. Please please, help me make the
decision.

Date: 30-May

HE:

Last few days just flew past like a stormy wind. All those processes I
had to undergo in order to leave the company, just because I wanted to
pursue better career in MBA rather than staying here and stagnating. A few
more days and I am off to achieve my dreams.

Just the problem is, I don’t want to leave her, my love, my secretary. I
really love her. Since when my infatuation turned into love was unknown even
to me. I don’t want to leave her but I can’t even stay here. Even I am doing
MBA in Mumbai not even here in Pune. Will she wait for me for at least 2-3
years which I will need to complete MBA and get settled?

I have said goodbye to everyone, it was not that difficult; but it’s
definitely not the same with her. I don’t know whether I will be able to say her
goodbye and how I am going to do that.

SHE:

I have made my decision. I don’t know how to convey it but I will have
to do it. One of the two hearts is going to get broken but there is no any other
way. I have made my decision and I’ll stick to it. Oh god, please give me
strength to bear everything.

Date: 6-June

SHE:

Today was Niru’s birthday and also his last day in Pune as well as in
this company. He left in the evening for Mumbai. It was really a heartbreaking
moment to see him parting, especially when both of us were completely
aware that we might not see each other in future. I had made the decision;
the only problem was how to convey it to him. I chose to be practical than
just blind in love. People give you cool gifts on your birthday but what I gave
him was just a shock, a damn big shock. He didn’t say anything except for
‘congrats’ and ‘good luck’ but his face told me everything he wanted to
convey. I cried there standing in the whole crowd of his friends who had
gathered to wish him luck and goodbye. He couldn’t cry out but if possible, he
could just have wept then and there.

I said him sorry that I chose Rajesh over him. What he replied was
surprising. He just replied, ‘No need to say sorry. It’s your life, you have
complete right to make a decision and you are mature enough to do so and
you have made a wise decision. We were friends and will be, but please don’t
expect me to keep a contact with you. I loved you and I really loved you from
the bottom of my heart. Now whenever I will think of you I will not have
anything else than love in my mind and I think same might be the case with
you; and that won’t be right especially when u will be a married woman;
married to someone else. So this is our last meet. Thanks for the friendship
and the feeling of love that you gave me. Best luck for your future life.’ And
he just went inside the bus.

Was he so aloof or he just tried to sound so as not to make me feel

worse about our parting? I think for all those days that I spent with Niru, I still
couldn’t understand him properly. Anyways Niru, what the truth is that I loved
you. I loved you like anything but the decision I made was based on practical
aspects of life. My decision will prove to be better for both of us and I am
damn sure of it. I had started writing diary since when I had seen you for the
first time, now since you are not there in my life, I am going to discontinue
this practice. This is the last page of my diary. Best luck Niru, for your future.
Love you. Bbye.

HE:

This was the worst birthday of my life when I broke up with my love. It
can’t be termed as a breakup as such but we parted; we parted forever with a
promise not to cross the other’s life anytime in future. I felt like crying; but
boys don’t cry, do they? Yes they cry, but secretly….and that’s why I am
crying now. The whole page is wet because of my tears. Anyways this is the
last page. I have decided not to write this diary anymore. This diary had come
into my life with secretary, and since secretary is no more with me, what’s
the purpose of this diary? Secretary, just wanted to say best luck for your
future. I Love you. Bye.

Rajesh:

Finally, today is that lucky day for me. She said yes. I am so happy. She
is mine. Finally my dream has come true. Oh God thanks a lot. You have
made my day, in fact my life. Very few people get to live with someone they
love; I am one of those lucky ones. My happiness has no bounds. I am very
very happy today.
 Niru left the company today, I don’t know whether we will be able to
meet each other in future. I had gone to say good bye and wish good luck to
him. He was talking to her. When I saw her face, I again felt some pain in my
heart. Are they both having something? If so, why did she say Yes to me? Are
they trying to cover-up something? Or is she playing games with me? Or am I
coming as an odd between the two? I could see tears in Niru’s eyes when he
left her and got into the bus. Her condition was no different, in fact she
literally cried. She seemed to recover after a couple of minutes but the way
she was looking somewhere into the vacuum, her face clearly was clearly
telling her diligent attempts to control tears. Oh god, please show me the
way. I hope I didn’t do anything wrong by proposing her.

The way they both were talking to each other didn’t show any sign of
quarrel or fight between them. Then why they separated? Or they shared
some feeling for each other and none of them just bothered to express it?
Whatever the situation might be, she has said ‘yes’ to me; must be for some
reason, whatever ; she is mine now. Niru is her past and she will forget him;
in fact she will have to. Whatever the case may be, I love her and that’s it.

GOD:

Ok. Here is the end of this story, not a unique; in fact a very very
common one. You might be expecting me to interfere in it at the eleventh
hour and change the ending so that either; before the bus starts, She runs to
the bus and gets into it and goes with Niru to Mumbai or probably when the
bus is about to leave, Niru jumps out and hugs her or Rajesh feels something
wrong and just takes her on bike and follows the bus just to stop it and make
her get into the bus for Niru and so on? Nopes. This is not a hindi film. This is
a real life story and not a reel life one.

She took the decision wisely after evaluating each option she had. She
had thought practically in every aspect. Won’t interference by me be just
injustice to her thoughts? Won’t it be a betrayal to her trust that the option
she chose is the best one? Won’t it be just a wrong deed on my side and that
too just to please some others without any particularly sensible reason?

As I said, I have made this world with some predefined rules. The
balance of this world totally depends on the events that are happening every
now and then. No event is of more or less important than the other. Every
moment, situation, event has some sort of purpose and so stands of equal
importance. The purpose might not be directly related to you but it can also
affect you indirectly. As said before, I had already decided not to intervene
and I stuck to my word. Now you will say that it’s me only who decides
everything ultimately. Yes. Indeed true but that’s what my point is. I decided
her fate to be with Rajesh, that’s it. I hope you understand; in fact I am sure
you will … again that’s what your fate says….

THE END

Hi friends,

Thanks for spending your time in reading my story. Thanks for all the
feedbacks and encouragement. I had never expected that I will get so much
response for the story.

Regarding the characters and the incidents in the story, the characters
Niru i.e. myself and the secretary are very much real ones and even the
incidents are real. At least from Niru’s point of view, I have depicted them as
they have happened. Regarding Secretary’s point of view, I have tried my
best to explain the things, although at times I think I had been just too
optimistic. The character Rajesh is completely fictional and hence the
incidents after his entry in the story are also completely imaginary. I don’t
know whether Secretary has read my stories, ‘some diary pages’ as well as
the one on my blog. I mean if she works in a secure zone, she might not be
having access to it. The whole thing is that, my feelings are still not
conveyed.

I have never spoken even a word with secretary although I wish to, at
least once before she leaves the company… I would welcome some Rajesh to
introduce us, no matter even if at the end he gets along with her, at least I
will be able to talk to her.

At the end, it doesn’t matter whether Niru leaves the company for his
MBA as per the story or secretary will be leaving for MS as in reality, the end
result is just the same that Niru and secretary don’t get along. Just that for
me, there would be no one to travel for by the 8.15 p.m. Chinchwad bus …

Thanking you all once again. Sorry if I have hurt anybody unknowingly
by my story.

-Niru 

-Regards and Thanks,

Niranjan Khandekar

WMP - PED

Infosys Tech. Ltd

Pune Phase-2

Ext. 74030

Cell 09969104794

http://blogs.ad.infosys.com/users/niranjan_khandekar/

http://www.nirurocks.blogspot.com/