Story by Ryan Gauthier & Tom Scilipoti Sadly, based on a true story An Emerald City Picture & Aqueous Transmission tomscilipoti@gmail.com ryancgauthier@gmail.com FADE IN: EXT. PINK PALACE - DAY A pink three story beach house basks in the glow of the summer sun. This is THE PINK PALACE. Maryland and American flags hang from the deck of the second floor. Dirty towels, empty beer cans, random signs and cig buds line the way inside INT. PINK PALACE UNIT 3 - DAY We catch a glimpse within a teenage wasteland the morning after a party. Empty keg shells, dip spitters, delivery food, solo cups, cig buds, condiments galore. A fly attempts to land in a long piece of fly tape but rescinds when he cant find a vacant spot. A loud voice sounds off, only the speakers pearly white smile is revealed. KROOS Duuuuuuude Toooooom. TOMMY & GARFIELDS ROOM Slowly we see the figure of a short, muscular Italian boy (19) starting from his dirty, sandy feet through his cut soccer legs up to his slight beer belly all the way up to his euphoric smile. He is TOMMY SCILIPITO. KROOS (O.S) Duuuuude Tooooom. Tommy reads a homemade birthday card from his bed. He takes a deep breath and a long look at the words, "Tom, Im so glad youre my neighbor. Hope you have an awesome birthday", followed by a heart and the name "Mary" KROOS (O.S) Hey Fiiish. Yo Fiiiiish. A tall, slim late teen (19) with long blond hair, abruptly opens the door and instantly startles Tommy. He is RYAN KROOS. Kroos bursts into uncontrollable laughter. KROOS What are you doing dude? TOMMY Waking up. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 2. KROOS Oookaay. Is that (BEAT) is that a birthday card? Tommy takes a quick, unassuming glance at the card. TOMMY Maybe. Tommy tosses the card on a night stand nearby. KROOS Oh. Happy birthday, dude. Well get effed up tonight. Celebrate. TOMMY We already did. KROOS I mean yeah, we get effed up every night. But were getting extra effed up for your birthday tonight, Fiiish. TOMMY My birthday was in June, Snake. KROOS Well why are you reading a birthday card then, Fish? TOMMY Why dont you mind your beeswax? KROOS Why dont you grab a broom? Kroos grabs a broom and tosses it Tommy. KROOS Were cleaning. TOMMY So uh. Tommy pokes his roommate, whos basically in hibernation, with the broom. Pale, athletically plump, highly unconscious (18), he is RYAN GARFIELD. TOMMY Bobby Hill over theres cleaning too? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 3. KROOS Nah, Garfield gets to hibernate. TOMMY Really? Whats the line at? KROOS No line but there is a hibernation prop. Oakleys laying five to one he wont be sleeping when his shift starts today. TOMMY So what? Like two thirty? Two fourty five? KROOS Nah, its five to one Fish. (BEAT) Four oclock. Tommy glances over at Garfield whos currently completely covered in blankets and gray sweats with the AC unit on full blast and pokes him with a broom, forcefully. Garfield doesnt budge. Tommy grabs his wallet, about forty and change--mostly ones and fives. He takes all the cash and tosses it beside Kroos. TOMMY Press it. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 1 - PORCH - DAY A tall, fit young man (19) with more swag than an NBA lottery pick tip toes out the door. He is JACK WESTINGHAM. A tiny, tan hand taps him on the back. Jack turns around and locks eyes with a short, curvy girl (18). She is MARY COOPER. JACK Oh what up sleepin beauty? Mary glares at Jack. JACK Ill holla at you later. MARY (unenthused) Im sure you will. Jack leans over, plants a quick, wet kiss on the top of Marys head. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 4. JACK Muh. Jack points at Mary. JACK Love yo ass. Jack heads east toward the beach. Mary fumbles over her parting words. MARY K see ya. Jack ignores Mary, pulls out his cell, starts a call then hops over his porch rail which is adjacent to Marys. MARY When Im ten shots deep. Mary spots several shards of shattered glass on the edge of the sidewalk. She fusses, mumbles to herself then walks into her apartment. Jack grabs some accessories--beach chair, Philadelphia Eagles towel, suntan lotion from his porch. JACK Yo dad. Im out. HANK (V.O) Outta money? Get a job grouch. JACK I aint outta money. Got stacks of Bens up to my nutsack. Nah, outta protection. You feel me? HANK (V.O) Thought my package would last you till Christmas, Hank. JACK Ha, you know how I do. HANK (V.O) How ya want me to ship it Hank? JACK 1st class express Hank. Send some more of them burgers too. Jack struts toward the beach, about a football field east of the Pink Palace. 5. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - DAY LIVING ROOM Kroos, wearing white gloves, removes a fly trap which currently has no room for flies and sticks it in a trash bag. KROOS Samantha Vorhees, I kid you not, is easily the worst hookup I keep having. TOMMY Worst than Holly Heart? Tommy simulates jerking off, then folds his hands in prayer. KROOS I mean Holly always gave me a sermon after she almost stroked me off but at least she was never crying. Tommy laughs and enters a bedroom which has converted into a game room for the sole purpose of hosting ruit (beer pong) games. This is THE RUIT ROOM. RUIT ROOM Tommy slides empty beers into a hinge with a trashcan underneath--another unique nuance of their customly crafted, astroturf ruit table. He notices several cans half full with leftover beer. TOMMY So many Lakers. BATHROOM A hairy, athletic young man (18) dumps out Gatorade bottles full of dip spit with a big dip in his lower lip as he chats on his phone. He is DAVE OAKLEY. DAVE I gotta work babe but maybe Ill see you tonight. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - SIDEDECK Tommy drops three full bags of trash down into an open dumpster. 6. INT. PINK PALACE 2ND FLOOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY Kroos finishes waxing off a big table, trashes his cleaning wear, then pulls a little pouch out of his pocket. Dave enters from the bathroom as Kroos packs up a bowl of weed. Kroos glances over at Dave, simulates smoking a bowl and Dave sits to his left. Tommy enters from the kitchen. KROOS Smoke a bowl Fish? TOMMY Uh-huh. KROOS Workin today Dave? DAVE Of course. KROOS You can rip greens. Dave receives the bowl and packs it in a little tighter. DAVE Are you working today Snake? Dave takes a big rip of the bowl. KROOS Yeah Dave. I was off yesterday so I get to work for the next I dont know, eight days. DAVE (blowing out smoke) What about you Fish? Got this one off? Dave passes the bowl to Kroos. TOMMY Dont you know this? I got the rest of summer off boyeee. Kroos starts to take a huge rip of the bowl. DAVE So the Roller Dough heard your offer and theyre still refusing to pay your hourly wages in Yoo-Hoo? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 7. TOMMY Says yeah. They keep trying to low ball me at minimum wage minus lunch so ima just float off my bootlegging money. DAVE Still got a little loot from Westiminster Wednesdays? TOMMY Sold enough Boh, Beast Ice and Red Dog to see me through summer. Kroos keeps coughing ferociously. KROOS Alright (BEAT) ok, alright let me ask you a question. TOMMY (goofy) Sure. KROOS Now that you quit your job, what exactly do you do all day? DAVE He philosophifizes. KROOS Hes a philosifizer. Tommy grabs the bowl from Kroos. TOMMY Shuuuut uupppp. Tommy takes a long rip, turning his head simultaneously to see Mary from outside his window sweeping up broken glass with a dutiful, reflexive posture. EXT. PINK PALACE - 1ST FLOOR - DAY Mary trashes some broken glass into the open dumpster sliding door. Tommy grabs an Orioles towel off the step railing and heads to the sidewalk. Mary walks under the stairs and onto her porch. Tommy calls out to her. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 8. TOMMY Afternoon Mary! MARY Hey Tom. Whats up? TOMMY Just cruisin to the beach. Saying what up to my favorite neighbor. MARY (quietly) I have lots of favorite neighbors. TOMMY What? MARY I said, I have lots of favorite neighbors. Tommy steps closer so he and Mary are separated by just the wooden railing of her porch. TOMMY Lots? MARY Yeah well theres Dave and Kroos and Unit. Soup, Shorty, Timmy. But youre in there of course. TOMMY Those dudes on the third floor are in your top seven? MARY Of course. Theyre like really great guys. TOMMY I mean, I know they save lives and protect the beach and all. And I respect that. But they really arent that sick. MARY No that sii? TOMMY Your old boyfriend for two weeks, Timmyll sometimes roll up to our parties wearing no shirt and a cowboy hat. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 9. MARY Yeah, thats pretty lame. TOMMY Not that sick. Im also pretty sure that little guy, Shorti has a direct line to our friends at the OCPD, as does our amigo Soup. MARY Soup would never call the cops on you guys. TOMMY Well he is your butt buddy, so yeah I guess youd know. MARY I wouldnt say Soups my butt buddy. Just a really nice new friend of mine. TOMMY Well how come I always see you guys getting slayed on Sangria together? MARY Whaaaaat? TOMMY Seriously. Well go to play beer wars. Soupll be flexing his muscles, reeling off intermediate Spanish, empty Sangria bottles all over your porch. MARY Por favor. Suddenly, Marys door flies open. Mary makes a very awkward glance backward. Her sister (22), short, curvy like Mary, but a lot preppier steps out in a floral Seacrets shirt and short skirt. This is KRISTI. KRISTI Mare cmon. Hop in the shower. Were gonna be late. Chop Chop. MARY Be right there. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 10. TOMMY Afternooon Kristi! KRISTI Hey Tommy. MARY Later Tom. Mary turns to Kristi. Tommy snaps his finger. TOMMY Yoo hoo. Mary turns around. TOMMY Coming by our party after work? MARY You guys are having a party. Surprise, surprise. You know Ill be there at some point. TOMMY Need anything from Lighthouse? MARY Um, if you could get me a bottle of Bacardi O, Id be very grateful. TOMMY (nervous, stuttering) Well, well then, a bottle of Barcardi O youre gettin. MARY Sweet. See you tonight. Mary walks inside. Tommy fakes a walk to the beach, then turns back once Marys door is shut. INT. PINK PALACE - MARYS APT - DAY Mary turns to Kristi. MARY Toms weird. Toms silhouette is revealed, walking back to the steps. 11. EXT. 39TH STREET BEACH - DAY Jack and his two roommates are by the tide chillaxing. SULLY is short, cynical with trashy tattoos. DUBLIN is short but very muscular in addition to being a ginger. Both are 19. SULLY Ooooh. We got a limper. (BEAT) Ten oclock. A golden beauty of Russian descent--blond, bold, breathtaking struggles to trek along the tide. She wears a long t-shirt, flip flops, short shorts, sunglasses.She is ANA. DUBLIN Ohh, Drago mustve broken that ass. SULLY Id mail in that pussy. Dublin taps Jack, whos currently laying out and catching a tan, on the shoulder and points out to ANA. JACK Id hit it again. SULLY Buuull shit Ham, she sold you Thrashers. DUBLIN Oooh. You never tapped that. Jack stands up and calls out to Ana. JACK Hey Ana, yoohoo, Anastasia. (ENGLISH). Hello (RUSSIAN) Ana stops, turns left, stares, and then quickly continues walking. JACK (CONTD) If Id a filled you up, youd be crawling this morning Ana. ANA (thick Russian accent) Im sorry. Who are you and how do you know my name? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 12. JACK Cmon girl. What? You got early onset Alzheimers? 4th of July, your back porch, fire works exploding through the sky, your roommates pirated speaker system, bump, bump, bumpin them funky ass jams. Jack simulates a dramatic recreation of the events. JACK My All American dick, slip slip slip through your Communist coooch. How could you forget an evening as magical as that? ANA Sorry. Mustve been Ruble night, Jack. Ana puts down her sunglasses and continues walking. JACK Boom. How you like me now? SULLY You literally redefine skeezy. DUBLIN Oh, how many kills is that now? JACK Five, ten, fifteen, twenty. Twenty five, thirty. Holy shit dude, I was fingerbanging bitches during Titanic, (BEAT) I lost count. DUBLIN Oh, Im at four for the summer. But Im pretty sure two of those bitches had their learners permits. (BEAT) And one used to be pregnant. SULLY I got quality from my three. JACK Winner, winner chicken dinner. Nine kills, one summer. Jack spots a petite blond in a pink bikini walking the waterline. She is ALLY. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 13. JACK (CONTD) Soon to be a perfect 10. Jack signals to his Dublin. JACK Yo, Im T.O, you Randall Cunningham. Hit me on a go route. Jack sprints toward the ocean waters, Dublin heaves a deep ball. Jack dives for the ball, appears to fumble it as he crashes into the water. He goes under for a second, then rises up with the football. JACK Eagles win! Jack turns in sync with Ally. JACK (CONTD) Hey pretty lady. Jacks struts closer. Glimmering in the August Summer sun, are his big muscles and lean fisque. ALLY (infatuated) Hey. JACK Baby girl its been a minute. Damn, you still sexy as Giselle though. ALLY Nice. Thanks. JACK On second thought, you sexier than Giselle. How you been baby girl? ALLY Im sorry. Trying to figure out how I know you. Dont mean to be rude but do I know you? Jack pauses in brief contemplation. JACK Maybe. (BEAT) Ever seen that movie Aladdin? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 14. ALLY Duh. Its like my third favorite Disney Carton. JACK Its my number six. Jack starts counting down with his fingers from five. JACK Lion King, Jumanji, All Dogs go to heaven, Rescuers Down Under, Nemo. ALLY OMG, Nemos like my all-time fav. JACK Its aight. Sike. If you dont love that movie, I guess you aint a fan of Whitney neither. ALLY True dat. But I still have no idea how I could possibly know you from Alladin. JACK For real? ALLY Obvi. What did you like have a voice... JACK Im the fucking genie girl. Jack holds Allies hand, bends down on one knee and kisses it. JACK (CONTD) Your wish is my command. QUICK MONTAGE ensues to "Freek-a-leek" by Petey Pablo. --Cars cruise down a crowded Coastal Highway at sundown. --Drunk teens board an Ocean City bus. --Garfield cruises in front of the Pink Palace with a couple kegs in the bed of his truck. --Kara and friends get did up and pre-game for the party. --Dave and Garfield tap the keg, put it on ice. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 15. --Jack looks himself in the mirror. Kisses his flexed muscles. --Ruit list sign ups begin in the ruit room. Tommys name is first. --Dave, Tommy Kroos approach Garfield. Dave puts up four fingers. He points his fingers way up. Dave reluctantly hands Kroos and Tommy wads of cash. -- Late teens begin to pour up into the Pink Palace. INT. PINK PALACE - SECOND FLOOR - NIGHT KITCHEN Crowded kitchen. Girls sit on the counter tops, pass around some fruity drink, and converse. Guys crowd around the Natty Light keg which sits in a bucket full of ice. Kroos holds a sleeve of solo cups and a beer bong. Garfield holds a carton of cigs, all for sale. Jack bounces a quarter into a beer glass. JACK Am I dreaming? Hey girl, pinch me. Nope, won again. Is there anything Im not good at? RUIT ROOM Tommy and a portly friend (19) are playing a game against Dublin and a pale, thin boy (19). The portly kid is BENJI, the thin one is PIETRO. TOMMY Obstensively, of course its about Dodgeball but really underneath, Peter Le Fleur is John Kerry--tall, liberal Frenchmen. White Goodman is W--corporate crony, born into money. And MeShell is Dick Cheney cuz hes trapped by his montrous ego. Get it? Me Shell? PIETRO Youre crazy. DUBLIN Your shot Tom. TOMMY Anchormans left too. Brick went and joined the Bush Administration. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 16. LIVING ROOM Ally and her friends enter, followed closely by a blond, sickly-looking, surfer guy nearing his fortieth birthday. He is JOHN THE DUDE. Kroos approaches John the Dude with a beer bong. KROOS John the Dude, whats up man? You want one. John motions for Kroos to pass him the beer bong. JOHN THE DUDE Gratzi. John cracks two Natty Bohs and begins pouring them into the funnel. JOHN THE DUDE You seen Samantha? KROOS Samantha Vorhees? JOHN THE DUDE Didnt catch her last name. Greek looking girl, perky ass titties. Nice little caboose. KROOS Oh yeah. Um, shes in the kitchen. John takes down the beer bong quickly. JOHN THE DUDE Let the games begin. KITCHEN Ally and her friends greet Jack. ALLY Hey Mr. Genie. JACK What up Jasmine? Garfield opens the fridge and grabs a bottle of Soco Black. SLUT BOOTS Can you get us something to drink? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 17. Jack does a no look grab into the freezer and pulls out a bottle of Bacardi O. JACK Taaa-daaa. LIVING ROOM Kroos does a beer bong. A girl wearing a custom made hat with phrases such as think, huh, and too drunk written in craft pen on it, sneaks behind Kroos and squeezes his ass. She is RITA. Garfield walks up to a hairy, portly Italian (18) with the bottle. He is BLACKOUT BLANE. BLACKOUT BLANE Soco Black, classy touch G Unit. Garfield does a pull and passes to Blane. GARFIELD You know it. (BEAT) So Blane, we ever gonna get to see your place this summer? Blane finishes his pull and passes the bottle back to Garfield. BLACKOUT BLANE Patience Unit, there is a fiesta in the making as we speak. GARFIELD Buull shit. BLACKOUT BLANE Friday the 13th. Lax Bros, Tennis Hos. Jaeger luge. Full moon. Making up for all the times we didnt throw down because you assholes could always do it better. KITCHEN Jack continues to flirt with Ally. On the bottle of Barcadi O is a little stick it note that says, "por mi vecina mas favorita". ALLY (laughing) Whats this say? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 18. JACK For a very special princess. Jack and Ally start making out. A tan, Greek looking girl (18) is seated on a counter top and chatting with a few friends. She is SAMANTHA. She looks over to see John the Dude staring right at her. SAMANTHA Turtle John! JOHN THE DUDE (non chalant) Sup. LIVING ROOM Kroos stops making out with Rita. KROOS I gotta pee. Tommy passes through holding a pitcher en route to the KITCHEN Tommy glares at Jack whos flirting with Ally and holding a half empty bottle of Bacardi O. ALLY So when you gonna take me on my magic carpet ride? KROOS You hop on right here baby girl, Ill show you a whole new world. Ally hops into Jacks lap. Tommy stares at him with a fierce primal intensity. INT/EXT. MARYS JETA - NIGHT Mary wears an earnest smile as she cruises up in front of the Pink Palace. She sees Dave and a breathtaking beauty (18) holding hands and walking out to the beach. She is KARA. Mary takes in a satisfied breathe then spots Kroos pissing over the side of the front deck. MARY Typical. Mary notices a middle aged man of Hispanic descent stumbling to the entrance. He is THE LOST MEXICAN. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 19. MARY Who is that man? EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - NIGHT The Lost Mexican stumbles toward Kroos. KROOS Hey, whats up amigo? LOST MEXICAN I need to find home. The Mexican fumbles into his pocket, then pulls out his ID. Kroos laughs out loud and heads inside. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Kroos, still laughing uncontrollably heads toward the TV. Ally enters the bathroom. Jack tries to follow. Ally holds up one finger. Kroos shuts off the music. KROOS This drunk Mexican guy just showed up, everybody come mere. You gotta see this. INT. PINK PALACE 2ND FLOOR - DECK - NIGHT The Lost Mexican has been backed into a corner and is surrounded by drunk teenagers. SULLY Why are you here ese? You forget to bring flowers? DUBLIN We dont even have a pool! JACK Yo Chi-Chis is like three blocks south. MARY Boys stop it. Hes lost. (TO THE MEXICAN) Where is your house? (SPANISH) LOST MEXICAN Its, its. I dont know. (SPANISH) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 20. GARFIELD English mother fucker, do you speak it? JACK Get outta here you piece of shit! MARY Jack! Tommy aggressively sifts his way through the crowd. JACK Figure it out, deal with it. JACK Quick, somebody get a picture with me and George Lopez. Jack puts his arm around the Lost Mexican. Garfield takes a picture with his phone. TOMMY Silence. Now! (SPANISH) Tommy gives Jack a hard stare. TOMMY I know its funny. Hahaha. A drunk Mexican showed up at our house. Lets all point and laugh. But if you cant speak Spanish, Hasta lluego. Dont know what that means? It mean get the flip inside! Tommy approaches some guests. TOMMY You speak Spanish? You speak Spanish? Most guests head inside. TOMMY Cmon. Kegs flowing, The George Lopezs shows been canceled. Jack has his arm around the lost Mexican. JACK No? What, you aint got that kinda cash? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 21. TOMMY Hasta lluego, Jackass. JACK Okay. (TO THE MEXICAN) Ill cut it down to twenty five if you get me a sweet deal on some watermelon. TOMMY Hasta lluego, Jackass. MARY Jack seriously. Just go inside. We got this! JACK Fine. I got work to do anyway. (TO KROOS) See that sexy little blond in the red coochie cutters? KROOS Ooooh yeah. JACK Dibs. MARY Where is your house? (SPANISH) LOST MEXICAN Its its, forty one. (SPANISH) TOMMY By the ocean? (SPANISH) LOST MEXICAN Yes. (SPANISH) EXT. 40TH STREET - NIGHT The Tom and Mary flank the Mexican and guide him home. TOMMY Too much beer tonight? (SPANISH) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 22. LOST MEXICAN Yes and liquor. My house is over there. You guys are my friends. (SPANISH) The Mexican cops a feel of Marys boob. She slaps his hand away. EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - NIGHT The Lost Mexican cops another feel as they approach his apartment. LOST MEXICAN This is it. (SPANISH) The Mexican drops his keys. Tommy and Mary guide him to his door. He struggles but inevitably opens it. TOMMY Good night. (SPANISH) LOST MEXICAN It will be. The Lost Mexican grabs Mary and pulls her into his apartment. Tommy sprints inside, separates them and tosses the Lost Mexican into his coffee table. TOMMY Good night, friend. (SPANISH) Tommy slams the door shut. Mary turns to Tommy with eyes suddenly enchanted, evocative. MARY I was hoping youd do that. TOMMY Think Id leave you alone in a little locked room with that clown? Please. (SPANISH) MARY Thank you so much. That was very brave of you. (SPANISH) TOMMY It was an honor, princess. (SPANISH) Tommy moves in close, shares a quick peck on the lips with Mary, then rescinds before they connect for a slow, sloppy kiss. Mary pulls away and wipes the drool off of her mouth. 23. INT. PINK PALACE 2ND FLOOR - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Tommy and Mary enter a crowded party. Kara and friends play a drinking game alongside chasers and two handles of tequila. Kroos stumbles in from the ruit room. KROOS Hey the rescue squads back. (TO TOMMY) Lets go dude were up. TOMMY Snake, this is probably the first time youll ever hear me say this, but I really dont feel like playing ruit right now, bro. Rita runs over to the bathroom holding her stomach. KROOS Yeah right. Cmon, you hit it. I hit it. Lets go. TOMMY Ugh-ugh. Kara spots Mary and calls out to her. KARA Maryll fill in. Cmon girly, time to catch up! KROOS You being serious right now Fish? Its high stakes ruit. DUBLIN Mop! Kara begins to pull Mary away. KARA Cmon gurl. Time to get ya drank on! PIETRO Ah Im Kroos. I failed the first grade. Couldnt color inside the lines. Tommy peaks over at Mary who now has her back turned to him as she stares at the girls and their liquor. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 24. KROOS Lets go Fish. Kroos walks Tommy to the Ruit Room. Mary turns around to see Tommys back to her, then walks toward the table where the girls play "Up the River, Down the River". Tommy peaks back at Mary one last time, no eye contact is made and he enters the RUIT ROOM One hundred dollars lays in the middle of the table. Dublin tosses Tommy and Kroos ping pong balls. DUBLIN Oh, ladies first. KROOS Someone just made a baaaad mistake! Tommy sets up for a goofy shot. TOMMY Sidewinder! He sinks it. KROOS Ruit! Kroos drains his shot and a MONTAGE ensures. BEGIN MONTAGE: -- Kroos and Tommy sink two more cups and dance. -- Mary chugs a cup full of a tequila sunrise -- Kroos fakes a hammer shot, then sinks his cop. -- Garfield does a long keg stand and then throws up. -- Tommy covers his eyes and makes the last cup, Kroos also sinks it, thus defeating Pietro and Dublin. Celebration ensues. Kroos grabs the money and thanks Dublin. -- Jack starts making out with Ally to the chagrin of Mary. -- Mary chugs another drink and looks over at Tommy playing ruit, looking confident yet playful as he smiles, sinks cups, wiggles his legs, and shouts "free show". She brightens up. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 25. -- Kroos sinks his shot. A partygoer removes the cup and holds it in his hand. He taunts Tommy by waving his other hand over the cups. Tommy throws the ping-pong ball into the cup he holds, thus ending the game. Tommy flashes a peace sign. -- Jack is at his place, admiring how good he looks in the mirror while getting a blowjob. -- Mary signals Garfield and Hullman to lift her up for a kegstand by approaching the keg and pointing upwards. -- Two shirtless meatheads witness their last cups hit by Kroos and Tommy and grunt. -- Mary finishes another mixed drink and makes a bitter face. -- Two hippies get skunked on the ruit table. They start to take off their clothes for a naked lap but Tommy and Kroos say "no!" -- A drunk girl shakes her boobs in front of the last cup, Tommy still sinks it. -- Mary draws an ace and Kelly signals for a ten second chug by putting up both hands. Mary chugs her drink until its all. END MONTAGE. RUIT ROOM Kroos and Tommy are in a tight game with a pale, goofy kid wearing a "Cat in the" Hat and his buddy. He is THE RANDOM KID. Krooss shot rims out. KROOS Come on Fish. You hit it, I hit it. While Kroos slurs into Tommys ear, the random kid bounces and sinks his shot. RANDOM KID Ooooh. Ill take two for the money. Reluctantly, Tommy removes two cups. One is left. RANDOM KID Cmon Dusty, lets show these fools how beer pong is played in Salisbury. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 26. DUSTY Ugh, can I get a courtesy? Tommy centers the last cup. RANDOM KID Cmon Dusty, lets send these fools to bed early, without supper. Dusty takes his time, sinks the cup and waves his opponents "bye-bye". Tommy simulates hari-kari and Kroos simulates capping himself in the head. Tommy chugs the cup, tosses it and heads outside. EXT. PINK PALACE 2ND FLOOR - NIGHT - DECK Mary sits on an Omega-shaped chair with a sad gaze. This is THE OMEGA CHAIR. Tommy approaches. TOMMY Mary (BEAT) why you so sad? Seriously? Whats wrong? MARY Nada mucho. TOMMY I dont believe you. (SPANISH) MARY I think its funny how you and me were the only ones that cared about helping that Mexican. TOMMY I mean yeah. We both showed compassion for a drunk stranger. How is it funny? MARY You know what I mean. TOMMY How much have you had to drink to tonight? MARY Waaay too much. We were playing up the river, down the river foor evv ahhh. Mary nearly pukes. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 27. TOMMY Wait here, Ill bring you water. MARY Where are you going? Marys face turns pale, she grabs her stomach. INT. PINK PALACE -UNIT 3 - KITCHEN Tommy scans the entire kitchen for a fresh, non-alcoholic drink. After a long search, he finds a bottle of water in a cabinet. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - DECK - NIGHT Mary is gone and replaced by a little pool of puke. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 1 - NIGHT Tommy knocks. Kristi answers. KRISTI Just a case of the spins and a major league blackout. I got her though, shes good. No worries. Mary spots Tommy from the toilet. MARY Toooom. Lets play some roooooot!! TOMMY Maybe manana Mary. Buena noche. MARY Hasta lluego. Mary continues vomiting in the toilet. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - TOMMY & GARFIELDS ROOM - NIGHT Tommy rolls around in his bed, frustrated. He tries sleeping, it doesnt work so he lays back in his bed and meditates with his hands behind his head. When the sun rises, hes locked in a trance with his birthday card on his heart. 28. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 1 - KITCHEN - DAY Mary enters very sluggishly and joins Kristi at the kitchen table. MARY Oh my f-in G. Im never drinking again, I dont even remember what happened last night! KRISTI Shocker. MARY That like literally has never happened to me before. Last night just feels like one big blur and I remember next to nothing. KRISTI You had your first blackout sister. Salud! Kristi slides Mary a glass of orange juice. MARY A blackout? That doesnt sound good. Mary takes a big sip of the juice. KRISTI Oh its not. Its when you drink so much that the hippocampus in your brain shrinks and you like cant form any new memories. But dont worry youll blackout like 87% of college. MARY I cant hardly wait. I didnt do anything stupid did I? KRISTI Besides crushing handles of Cuervo with some alkis? Not that I remember. You were really funny though, kept slurring all this stuff about Tommy being like night and day, like really hard to figure out and Jack being this big meathead. Of course, this was all in between your extended make out sesh with our toilet. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 29. MARY Dont remember most of that, but thats probably why my stomach feels like death. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - LIVING ROOM - DAY Tommy sits on the couch watching "Family Matters". Garfield enters. TOMMY Gggg G unit. What are you doing up so early? GARFIELD Supposed to go in at noon. Passed out kinda early. Hungover as fuck. Garfield enters the kitchen, grabs a Gatorade from the fridge. TOMMY (O.S) You just cost me fifty bones but whatever. I dont give a shit. Heard you did a pretty gnarly keg stand last night. Garfield reenters the living room. GARFIELD Whered you hear that? TOMMY My sources indicate you did a fierce keg stand and booted all over the kitchen floor. GARFIELD The rumors are true but keg stands are a very tricky skill to master. How was your night, Fish? TOMMY Almost legendary. GARFIELD Huh? TOMMY I couldnt close with my queen. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 30. GARFIELD What the fuck are you talking about? TOMMY Mary. GARFIELD Yeah what about her? TOMMY I fucking love that girl. GARFIELD Yeah, shes okay. TOMMY Shes more than okay, Unit. Shes got everything I want. Shes nice, shes smart, talented, loves the Dave Matthews Band (BEAT) but... GARFIELD She gave Kroos a handjob. TOMMY That was earlier in the summer and it only bothers me a little bit. No, Im just soooo intimidated to make a big move. GARFIELD I would be too if I were you. TOMMY And why is that? GARFIELD I mean, have you ever fingered a girl? INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 1 - KITCHEN - DAY Mary and Kristi share some English muffins. KRISTI So you really dont remember anything about last night, besides nearly getting raped? MARY I remember a little something else. Mary flashes a satisfied smile. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 31. KRISTI Who was the lucky boy? MARY Wait, how did you know--whatever. The boy Ive been trying to figure out all summer. KRISTI Tommy? No way. MARY Way. We made out on that drunk Mexicans porch. It was actually pretty sloppy. (BEAT) I just wish I didnt go so wasted afterwards. KRISTI You wanted more didnt you? You dirty girl. MARY I did. I mean was waiting all summer for it to happen, then he quit his job and starting getting strange, so I kinda gave up. But last night, I was definitely feeling him. (BEAT) And then I blacked out and he never left the ruit table. KRISTI Sounds like it could be a Disney story. Mary flicks off her sister. KRISTI Why do you think it took so long for something to happen? MARY Toms pretty timid when it comes to that kind of stuff. Mary leans closer to Kristi and whispers. MARY I dont think hes ever made whoopie. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - DAY Tommy and Garfield converse on the couch. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 32. TOMMY I mean, Ive come close a few times. GARFIELD Story of your life, Fish. Big show, no results. TOMMY What do you call making out with Mary last night? GARFIELD A cool story you can tell your friends at recess. TOMMY Progress Unit. GARFIELD Three months as neighbors, parties every single night and still, one kiss to show for it? TOMMY Im worry I wont be able to please her. GARFIELD You really dont get it, do you Fish? TOMMY I mean, yeah. I think. GARFIELD No, you dont. TOMMY Okay Clarissa, explain it all! GARFIELD Okay Fish, you shouldve learned this a long time ago but since youre clearly clueless, Ill set you straight. How do you know when a girl wants to fuck? TOMMY Um, uh. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 33. GARFIELD When she goes like this. Garfield slides his hair over his ears. TOMMY Seriously? GARFIELD I mean, thats usually a tell but more importantly, how do you make a girl wanna fuck you? TOMMY Um, make a lot of TGIF references? GARFIELD Yeah, quote Uncle Jesse religiously. Thatll get her wet. Nah, bro you need to be not just a man, you need to be the man. Youve never been there before? Oh my god, Ive never been there before. Oh God, what do I do? You know what that is? TOMMY A justification. GARFIELD No its just a fucking excuse. None of had ever been there before we started getting butt. You really wanna bone Mary? TOMMY I mean, it would be more like making sweet, passionate love. But yeah. GARFIELD Then stop being all neurotic Jewy about it and be the Italian fucking Stallion you were born to be. (BEAT) The hour glass is running out, Dorothy. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 1 - KITCHEN - DAY On the fridge is a picture of Mary as Dorothy from a Wizard of Oz musical and a news paper clipping of her singing at her graduation. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 34. KRISTI Beach? MARY I can barely move. KRISTI The ocean is the best hangover cure in the world. Cmon girly, you should know this by now. MARY Can you carry me? KRISTI Bitch please. EXT. 39TH STREET - DAY Tommy carries two beach chairs and gives Mary a piggy back ride. Kristi trails behind with a chair and a cooler. TOMMY You have a good time last night? MARY From what I can remember, I had an awesome time. TOMMY Remember rescuing that Mexican? MARY That was before I starting making with Jose Cuervo. So of course I remember. Thanks for saving me. TOMMY I mean, it was actually a pretty easy decision. Didnt even have to think about it. Tommy simulates weighing his options with his hands. TOMMY Protect Mary from getting raped by a drunken, middle-aged Mexican, or let Mary get raped by a drunken, middle-aged Mexican. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 35. KRISTI Were glad it was such an easy decision for you. EXT. OCEAN - DAY Mary comes up from a salt-water soak. Her hair glistens, her boobs are an awesome sight. Tom just stares at her. MARY What? TOMMY You are soooo beautiful. (BEAT) And Im truly sorry. MARY For what? I couldve been raped by a Mexican if it werent for you. TOMMY Ill never be sorry about that but I do sincerely apologize for running the table for so long last night. MARY Its okay. I guess you like playing ruit more than you like spending time with me. TOMMY False. House record was in triple jeopardy and I did not think you were gonna slay so much tequila. MARY Neither did I. Guess things dont always turn out how we thought they would. TOMMY No they usually dont. An awkward pause ensues. A Neptune-like Garfield belts wisdom from the ocean. GARFIELD (V.O) Confidence bromosapien. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 36. TOMMY Working tonight? MARY No Im off. Thank the Lord. TOMMY Puuurfect. MARY Maybe Im still mad at you, ruit boy. TOMMY I will gladly make it up to you. MARY You better. Mary spots a big wave and ducks. Tommy reacts slower and gets decked by the wave. BEACH Mary reads the Purpose Driven Life. She finishes a chapter then slowly takes in a deeply satiated breath before putting the book to her heart and sliding her book mark to Day 27. She turns to Tommy whos already staring at her. TOMMY So, what are you planning on studying at Messaih University? MARY Well I really want to work in childrens hospital. So bio, chem, physics, psych, calc. Im basically gonna have no life. TOMMY Yeah right. Youll the best kind of life. MARY Oh really? What kind is that? TOMMY The purpose driven life. And those kids would love you. MARY I hope, theyd like me. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 37. TOMMY How could they not? Your heart seriously, its big, like Michael Jackson 1980s big. MARY I feel the same way about you Tom. This book was a gift from my pastor, Rev Kev. Mary holds the Purpose Driven Life high. MARY And youre supposed to read one chapter a day for forty days. But I feel like you dont even need to read it. Nearby a family builds a sandcastle. The kids shape the walls, the dad comes through with two big buckets of water. The mom looks on with joy. TOMMY Do you think we met each other for a reason? MARY I do think we met each other for a reason. TOMMY Then what do you think last night meant? MARY I should never ever chug Tequila again? TOMMY No I mean, I know you dont remember you and Joses make out sesh but (BEAT) do you remember ours? MARY Tom, youre a great guy and all but (BEAT) I dont like relationships. They always end in hurt. TOMMY Weve become friends havent we? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 38. MARY Of course. TOMMY Well thats a relationship not likely to end in hurt. MARY True. Nearby, the All-American family fine tunes their sandcastle. MARY So have you like declared your major yet? TOMMY Not yet, but its gonna be Philosophy. MARY Oh yeah. What are you gonna do with that? TOMMY Discover the meaning of life. MARY Good luck. Any leads? TOMMY The meaning of life (BEAT) is to live a meaningful life. MARY I like that. Marys ringtone sounds off, The Voice of Truth by the Casting Crowns. Mary checks her phone and eagerly answers. MARY Hey Kyle! EXT. SKY COASTER - DAY Dave pulls a lever that leads passengers 300 feet in the air, basically a giant swing. This is THE SKYCOASTER. Jack stares at the ominous clouds. JACK Its gonna rain. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 39. DAVE Good, well be here till midnight now. JACK No we gonna straight up tell him, yo its pouring, we out. DAVE We are short a veteran staff member today. JACK Johns bitch ass can long board on it. DAVE Nah, hes got a triple date with his Pro-Bees and Samantha Vorhees. Alright Ham, you want the honors. JACK Three, two, one. Fly! Dave releases a lever, three female passengers start screaming as theyre released on the giant swing. DAVE Ugh, cant wait to get the fuck outta here, go home, get shitfaced. JACK For real. I got some fine choices on the menu tonight. DAVE Lets see, Mary Cooper, not so fresh tuna. JACK It aint so bad but correct. DAVE Id say Kendal, Lexy and Rita are still very much in play. JACK Four for four. You still forgetting tonights special though. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 40. DAVE Kiki? JACK She filet mignon homie but she aint exactly on tonights menu. You feel me? DAVE I dunno, Bonnie Bernstein. JACK Who? Nah, remember that sexy little blond from last night? DAVE In the red coochie cutters? JACK Uh, uh yessir. DAVE I think I saw a mom dropping those girls off in a red astrovan, no joke. JACK Nah, she a big girl, goin to Maryland next year, field hockey scholarship. DAVE Might wanna verify that one. JACK I verified that pussy. Peaches and cream, straight up. DAVE So like, whats up with you and Kiki? JACK She abroad. DAVE She know youre fucking around with all these girls? JACK Hell no. But dude, I saw her new webshots. Me, Pierre and Sebastian. Livin it up on a Lou-vree (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 41. JACK (contd) elevator. What the fuck is a Lou-vree elavator? And who are these fucking posers in skinny jeans and sweater vests? DAVE I dunno, probably her gay best friends for the semester. And its probably an elevator in the Lou-vray. JACK Say what? DAVE The Lou-Vray, host to the worlds most ridiculous expensive art. JACK Canoodling with a couple Frenchies at the fine art gallery? Dont tell me she aint fucking around. But like. Jack assumes a very serious, intense posture. JACK We a mother fucking continent apart. And it aint like I dont love her dog. Seriously, Im butter, she Aunt Jemima, we just mix dude. And like she cant expect me to live in Ocean City for a summer (BEAT) and keep a mother fucking lock on my dick! An unruly passenger call out for help. OLDER LADY Excuse me! Hey. Can someone let us out? Jack moves to unhook the passengers. JACK Im sorry about that maam. The Jolly Roger amusement park thanks you for your patronage. EXT. THE BEACH - DAY The clouds are ominous and light drizzle begins falling. Beachgoers start a mass exodus from the beach. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 42. JACK (V.O) If you were not completely satisfied with your flight or have any additional comments, questions, concerns or complaints, please direct them to my manager, Sky Mike. EXT. THE SKYCOASTER - DAY Sky Mike sleeps on a chair in a nearby booth. INT. PINK PALACE - 2ND FLOOR - LIVING ROOM -DAY Tommy walks in the house full of sun. Garfield sits in the couch, watching "A Bronx Tale" and inhaling a cigarette. TOMMY Ggggg G unit! You get cut early today? GARFIELD Sort of. Walked in on a rush, hungover as fuck, huge pile of trays. So I just grabbed a sixer of Bud Heavy and rolled out. TOMMY Nice. GARFIELD Yeah three months was enough. Got enough cizzash saved up. Tryin to enjoy my August. Tommy walks into the kitchen, grabs a Gatorade from the fridge. GARFIELD How was your little talk with Mary? TOMMY Our talk? Compelling and rich. GARFIELD Kroos said hed have already banged her by now. Tommy re-enters, fuming slightly. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 43. TOMMY Well tell that dim-witted Irish-Catholic burnout to shut his chiseled face. Thats my favorite neighbor hes talking about. GARFIELD I always thought that why you did nice things for Mary? TOMMY What are you a lawyer? GARFIELD No actually Im a cop and Im about to pick up an ounce. Youre coming with. TOMMY Ah-uh. No way. GARFIELD Yes you are. TOMMY Heeellll no. GARFIELD Cmon dog, you know I cant roll over there solo. TOMMY Honestly, I feel weirder each and every time I leave that place. And thats coming from a guy who watched ABC family religiously, his freshmen year of college. GARFIELD You wanna keep smokin for free? TOMMY Duuuude. I really dont want to. GARFIELD Just dont smoke that much and whatever you do, please do not engage him in any kind of extended dialogue, especially philosophical. TOMMY Duuuuude. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 44. GARFIELD Dont worry Fish. (BEAT) Well be back in time to see your little girlfriend. EXT. COASTAL HIGHWAY - TWILIGHT Tommy and Garfield ride their bikes southward. The skies are overcast, ominous. EXT. BEACH HOUSE - TWILIGHT Tommy and Garfield approach a janky old beach house. The grass is long, unkempt. Flags and blinds block all the windows. Tommy knocks. Garfield sniffles. GARFIELD I smell chloroform. The door opens slightly. John the Dude peers out. JOHN THE DUDE Yall got ID? Sike, cmon in hedi cats. John simulates cat motions as the boys enter. JOHN THE DUDE Reeeer (BEAT) meoowww. INT. JOHN THE DUDES HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Filthy crib. Hippie posters are omnipresent. TOMMY John the Dude, whats good man? JOHN THE DUDE Whats good? This is my 19th summer down here boys, it is all good. Especially this herb, got this nice little sattiva blend. Its a hybrid of some hedi Maui kush and GARFIELD Youve seriously lived in this city for nineteen summers? JOHN THE DUDE Nineteen years dude. Came down for senior week and uh never really left. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 45. John packs up a hookah. He and the boys sit in a circle around it. John puts some coals on the hookah, everyone takes a rip. JOHN THE DUDE Whats up with that Samantha girl? She have a boyfriend? She does have a serious boyfriend, dont she? John looks around for confirmation. Empty stares. Tommy blows out smoke, instantly hes high. JOHN THE DUDE And methinks she loves him, but homeboy aint exactly in town this summer. GARFIELD Not anywhere close. The weed starts to hit Tommy hard. Time moves slow, sound of his voice freaks him out slightly. TOMMY Shes all yours, John. JOHN THE DUDE Seriously whats her boyfriends name? He play football? You think I could take him? TOMMY She doesnt have a boyfriend, John. GARFIELD But she does have a little bit of a haunted past. JOHN THE DUDE For real? TOMMY Summer after eighth grade she was passed out at this junior kids party and he sorta (BEAT) kinda GARFIELD Used her passed out hand to jerk himself off. John looks mesmerized, as if recalling the same imagery from a dream. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 46. JOHN THE DUDE (mesmerized) Alright. Okay thats (BEAT) thats intrasting. TOMMY I think its more pathetic and disgusting than anything else. John snaps out of his trance. JOHN THE DUDE Yeah kids today all about that instant rush! Dont know shit about waiting for what they really want. TOMMY I blame it on the internet. Tommy and Unit rip the hookah simultaneously. JOHN THE DUDE Absolutely. Abso fucking lutely! Good call Fish. You know, I think Samantha would dig a guy like me. John takes a pull of the hookah. JOHN THE DUDE Id treat her right. Wouldnt use her passed out hand to jerk myself off or anything like that. Garfield blows out smoke. GARFIELD John, youre more than twice her age. Youre perpetually about to get off probation. Tommy laughs out loud, coughs hard. Then takes another pull. GARFIELD Moreover, you currently make eight dollars at hour at an amusement park. JOHN THE DUDE Eight seventy five kemosabi. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 47. GARFIELD Right, eight seventy five. My point is, you really think this chick digs you? JOHN THE DUDE I think you rookiesll find this out with a little more time in the big leagues. Tommy comes up for air, blows out smoke. John covers his eyes and throws his hands in all directions. JOHN THE DUDE Love? Its blind. We cant pick and choose who we fall in love with. All we can do is ride the wave. Love our fate. Tommy looks mesmerized. GARFIELD Awesome. Can we get our bag now? Garfield tosses John a wad of cash. JOHN THE DUDE Alright. I see how it is. Ignore the crazy older guy, just get his pot. Garfield nods in agreement. John quickly counts. JOHN THE DUDE Well here you go amigo. Peace, tutaloo, hasta lluego, sionara, areverderci, bon voyage, ciao. Garfield nudges Tommy then exits. Tommy looks entranced, stays put. JOHN THE DUDE Jungian archetypes. What chu know about that? TOMMY I know they had a lot to do with Jungs theory of the universal unconscious. But not much else. EXT. JOHN THE DUDES HOUSE - NIGHT - RAIN (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 48. Garfield sniffs the bag, overwhelmed, impressed by the pungent aroma. He looks inside to see Tommy and John the Dude in intense, animated banter, hops on his bike and rolls out. INT. JOHN THE DUDES HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Tommy finishes up another rip of the hookah. His eyes are bloodshot, intense. JOHN THE DUDE Kants a poser. TOMMY Blasphemy. JOHN THE DUDE I used to prefer Kant to Nietzche, then I grew a pair. TOMMY The only thing thats universally good is a good will. Kants treatises on ethics are brilliant, masterful. The Lion of 19th century European thought. Whats in this stuff? John the Dude smiles, then shrugs his shoulders. EXT. PINK PALACE - NIGHT - RAIN Garfield cruises up to Jacks deck and parks his bike. Oakley and Kroos carry a keg up the stairs. INT. JOHN THE DUDES HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT All the lights are off, except for the numerous lava lamps accentuating the trippy glow in the dark posters that align the walls. Smoke fills the air. JOHN THE DUDE Tommy, Im only telling you this cuz its coming from one pilgrim to another. Jah, definitely feel me. Tommy nods in agreement, then takes a pull of the hookah. JOHN THE DUDE Ive been watching you lately. Watching you talk, digesting your words, paying close attention to your facial expressions as you articulate your sentences. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 49. Tommy blows out smoke. JOHN THE DUDE It would appear youve found a glitch in the Matrix my friend. Things are not as they previously appeared to be, are they? Tommy shakes his head "no". JOHN THE DUDE No they sure aint. And chances are your hungry for more clues as you go John starts to make some trippy simulations with his hands. Tommy is beyond fucked up. JOHN THE DUDE Down, down, down then up, up, up the rabbit hole. So let me hit with a little John begins techno beat boxing. EXT. THE BEACH - NIGHT - RAIN Tommy walks the beach sands in a trance. He walks right into the ocean as if trying to walk on water. JOHN THE DUDE (O.S) (techno beat boxing) INT. PINK PALACE - 2ND FLOOR - BATHROOM Tommy looks himself in the mirror. Quickly, his face transforms into that of a bearded Middle Eastern man. JOHN THE DUDE (O.S) (Techno beat boxing) TOMMY Who am I? INT. JOHN THE DUDES HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT JOHN THE DUDE (techno beat boxing) Thatll see atop Mount Zion. Tommy blows out a huge cloud of smoke. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 50. JOHN THE DUDE Were all just... EXT. PINK PALACE 2ND FLOOR - DECK - NIGHT - RAIN Rain pours furiously. Tommy manically rants as the random kid approaches. TOMMY Pawns in the great cosmic game. Were all just pawns in the great cosmic game! We cant control our destiny, we really cant! But we have to wake up to it at some point. RANDOM KID Jigga what!?!? TOMMY We have to be in sync with our calling so we can ride out the waves of our fate with style and grace! RANDOM KID Ill have what hes smoking. TOMMY The worlds in a state of chaos and we need radical, unwavering love to stay balanced on our boards. RANDOM KID The worlds in a state of chaos? Seems pretty sweet to me. Drunk girls all up on my shiiit. TOMMY Are you being serious? You dont think the worlds in a state of chaos? RANDOM KID Lemme think about that one for a second. Is the world in a state of chaos? The Random Kid begins to simulate the "Jeopardy" theme. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 51. RANDOM KID Not when Im gettin my dick sucked! Mary steps out on the deck. TOMMY You cant trust the Church anymore cuz its filled with pedophiles. Our president speaks with the eloquence of a moderately intelligent third grader. School shootings, terror alerts, suicide bombings Mary walks back inside, frightened. TOMMY Are part of our daily flippin bread. The pharmaceutical industry is pumping out drugs like a crackhead mother pumps out malnourished, three pound babies. How is it not in a state of chaos!?!? RANDOM KID What are you on dude? Shrooms, E? Special K, Laffy Taffy? I wouldnt know though, I only smoke that stick, stick The Random Kid simulates smoking a joint. RANDOM KID Sticky icky, can I get in this party? TOMMY Who are you and why do I always see you on my property at night? RANDOM KID You can call me the FBI. Female Body Inspector. The random kid makes a goofy giggle. TOMMY Why are you here guy? Five seconds go. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 52. RANDOM KID Dont you get it? Im here, for the chicks! INT. PINK PALACE 2ND FLOOR - KITCHEN - NIGHT Garfield holds a sleeve of cups and a carton of cigs. Mary approaches with an empty cup. MARY What the fucks up with Tom? GARFIELD (laughing) What do you mean? MARY Is he like (BEAT) on something? GARFIELD Just some good buds. MARY Wouldnt that like, make him more mellow? GARFIELD It usually does. But this weeds a little different. And John the Dude probably put a little something extra in the hookah. Either way, hes clearly tweeking. RUIT ROOM Dave, Kara and other late teens fill the room. Tommy bursts in with a euphoric smile. TOMMY A religion dominated by fear is false! Cold silence. TOMMY Seriously. Jesus taught perfect love casts out fear so dont let the hell fire sermons scare you from being human. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 53. KARA Oooh K. TOMMY Perfect love is infinite love so love infinitely and cast out your fears. Seriously, Hakunta Matata, God loves you infinitely, you dont need to be scared of shit! DAVE Tom (BEAT) stop! TOMMY Stop what!?!? DAVE What the fuck are you talking about? TOMMY Just seeing the light bro, sorry if its blinding you! DAVE No its not blinding me. Its fucking scaring me and every body else in this room. TOMMY Then love infinitely and cast out your fears! DAVE What did you take tonight and how much of it did you take? TOMMY I didnt take anything. I gave it all away! DAVE Youre not on anything right now? TOMMY Yeah actually I am Dave. (BEAT) Im on point! 54. EXT. THE BEACH - DAY Dublin and Jack swim in the ocean. Tommy walks through water to approach Jack. TOMMY I got an awesome idea for a movie. Itll make a hundred million dollars. Tommy and Jack duck under a wave. TOMMY Basically the plot revolves around a secret tournament like the plot of Bloodsport only with ruit instead of karate and bros come from all over the world to compete in it. Its called "Ruitsport" and Haley Joe Osmands playing the lead! JACK In your mother fucking I dont get no pussy so I just jerk myself off and get crazy ideas all day dreams dude. Tommy looks intense, aggravated. JACK That movie aint making Benjamins. It making you sound like you need a mother fucking straight jacket! I see whackjobs. Dublin wades in the ocean about twenty yards away. POV DUBLIN Tommy bitches slaps Jack, points and gives a declaration MOS. Dublin laughs out loud. -Tommy smokes a hookah with John the Dude, engages in intense conversation. -Tommy walks the streets of Ocean City in the pouring rain, lost in his own grandiose thoughts and marching. -Tommy lays back in his bed in a meditive trance. INT. PINK PALACE 2ND FLOOR - KITCHEN - NIGHT (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 55. A preppy brunette in Lily Pulitizer texts on her fancy phone. She is REMY ROLLINS. Tommy approaches. TOMMY A lot of the Bible has been manipulated, wordsve been mistranslated and political motivesve influenced its canon. So dont take it literally! Remy pauses, takes a close deep look at Tommy. REMY Do you have anymore (BEAT) ecstasy? TOMMY True ecstasy is only achieved when the egos attached to nothing. Its not something I can give you. It can only be found within. Tom folds his hands and bows at Remy. - Tommy is in the back of a movie theater, watching Dodgeball and laughing loud, obnoxiously. - A blacked out Sully drops bottle over the deck. Tommy approaches and begins preaching MOS. - Tommy rants in the ruit room. Jack shanks him. Tommy turns and gives him an intense glare. - Tommy walks into the living room at sunrise. Dublin is passed out on the couch with nothing but a condom on. INT. PINK PALACE - DAVE AND KROOSS ROOM - DAY Dave lays in bed with Kara, Kroos with Samantha Vorhees. Tommy enters. TOMMY Fuck going to the zoo. You wanna see real apes? They live downstairs. Their whole house is a fucking zoo. One ape likes to blackout and drop bottles over our deck in the middle of the street, for little kids to walk on on their way to the beach! Dave, barely conscious, looks up at Tommy. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 56. TOMMY Another ape likes to pass out naked, on our couch, with nothing but a condom on! And the last apes, sole intent in this world, is to make my life miserable! INT. PINK PALACE 2ND FLOOR - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Half-baked teens sit with a buzz and high levels of confusion, indifference as Tommy rants. TOMMY Five, being religious is not believing in virgin births, parting of seas, Adam or Eve. (BEAT) Its loving your neighbor. Mary steps out of the kitchen, highly intoxicated and holding a beer bong. TOMMY Hey Mary! EXT. THE BEACH - DAY Kroos, G Unit, Mary and Dave enjoy a beach day, sip mixed drinks and converse. KROOS Reload? MARY Sure. Kroos pours Vodka and juice into Marys solo cup. MARY I swear you boysve corrupted me. DAVE Its for your own good. Consider it college prep. KROOS You really didnt get f-ed up like every weekend and on snow days and sometimes on Tuesdays when they had 25 cent wings and didnt card at Tullys in high school? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 57. MARY Um, I can honestly count the times I drank in high school (BEAT) on one hand. INT. PINK PALACE - TOM AND G UNITS ROOM - DAY Close-up on a fanny pack as it goes around Tommys waste. MARY (O.S) So like (BEAT) whats up with Tom? DAVE (O.S) What do you mean? MARY (O.S) Are you fucking serious? EXT. COASTAl HIGHWAY - DAY Tommy walks up the highway, barefoot, lost in grandiose thoughts. DAVE (O.S) Ive known the Fish for twelve years and Ive honestly never seen anything that even closely resembles the way hes been acting lately. Tommy approaches the ATM, takes out a hundred dollars cash. GARFIELD (O.S) Hes always been goofy, more than a little off. But it was always the good kind of crazy. Now, Im honestly a little scared I might be his next suit. Tommy holds his cash out, a woman salivates. He passes her a fresh twenty. DAVE (O.S) Nah Fish would never hurt us physically, but hes definitely cruising for some involuntary commitment. Tommy continues up Coastal Highway, mumbling to himself. EXT. THE BEACH - DAY Mary, Dave, Kroos and Garfield sip mixed drinks and sit out in the sun. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 58. MARY You think its drugs? DAVE Definitely could be. Dont think weed alone would make him this crazy though. GARFIELD Methanphetamine would explain the tweeking and rabid, scattered intensity but I dunno. Hes never been one to fuck around with the hard shit. MARY Hes still a great guy. And Ive like, been wanting to hook up with him, basically all summer long. But lately? Eh, he seems like hes getting really weird. EXT. SURF CITY CINEMAS - DAY Tommy approaches the ticket window alone. TOMMY Two for Dodgeball. Tommy turns right and smiles. No one is to his right. EXT. THE BEACH - DAY Mary finishes chugging her cup. MARY Reload! INT. PINK PALACE - KITCHEN - NIGHT Crowded kitchen. Teens hold solo cups, bottles of liquor as they converse. Sully finishes crushing up some pills and slides the powder into a solo cup. SULLY This should do the trick. Where is His Holiness? DAVE On the deck, preaching, to complete strangers. EXT. PINK PALACE - DECK - NIGHT (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 59. A motley crew of party guests look on with pensive and confused stares and Tom manically rants. TOMMY Dont be embarrassed to be naked! We were created naked and were werent embarrassed! God only got mad in the Creation story after our mythic ancestors, Adam and Eve, covered themselves for being naked. They lived in a fucking paradise. Infinite bliss. But what happened? They got embarrassed to be naked and God said get the fuck outta my garden! Moral of the story, dont be embarrassed to be naked! GARFIELD Great story Fish, cheers. TOMMY I dont have a beer. GARFIELD Have mine. Tommy takes a quick glance at the beer then gives a toast. TOMMY To finally undressing the mystery of the Creation Story. And to many more timeless riddles unlocked. Tommy chugs his beer. INT. PINK PALACE - TOMMYS BEDROOM - DAY Tommy is stuck in a seemingly unmovable, deep slumber. Dave peers in then enters the LIVING ROOM DAVE Ok, hes sleeping like Garfield so thats a good sign. Dave walks to the center of a circle of friends. DAVE First of all, thank you Sully for roofeying his beer. Pretty sketchy but Id say a very necessary play. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 60. SULLY And you shitheads told me to flush em. DAVE Secondly, we need to figure out a way to make sure this never happens (BEAT) ever again. KARA Uh-huh. GARFIELD Seriously. KROOS No doubt. JACK For real. DAVE I really cant figure out what it is but.. JACK Oh really Sherlock? Hmmmm, what could it be? (BEAT) Oh yeah, now I remember. Kids cuckoo, cuckoo. Jack twirls his finger around his temple. KARA I wouldnt say hes nuts. Hes just going through something. JACK Yeah a motha fuckin joyride on Comet Halebopp. Jack slugs on a Natural Ice. GARFIELD Its something. Sometimes its hilarious and dead on, but usually its just weird and really fucking annoying. KARA Do you guys know his parents well? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 61. DAVE I do. But I dont think were there yet. SULLY No, lets just keep drugging him and see what happens. JACK Mother fucker slapped me in the face and said, "I can make it rain". Call the ER, we got a Loony Toon on the loose! KARA We really should think about maybe calling his parents. DAVE I dunno. Fish might think were betraying him. On the TV comes a rap video. "Getting some head". JACK Oh this my anthem right here. Jack turns it up loud. KARA We really need to do something to help him though. Garfield points to the TV, a group of dudes are getting some simulated, clothed dome while the line "I was getting some head" repeats several times. GARFIELD Boom goes the dynamite. DUBLIN Huh? GARFIELD Thats the cure! Right there. KROOS A rap video. GARFIELD No Arnie. Some wet, mindful dome. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 62. KARA You think? DAVE Yours always blow my mind. KARA Yeah, really fast. GARFIELD Think about it. Whats the one major thing that separates Tommy from the rest of us? KROOS Hes good at math. JACK He never gets any! GARFIELD Exactly. I think its finally making him snap. Garfield surveys the room. GARFIELD Alright, imagine going through all levels of school. Middle school, high school, summer before college, freshmen year of college, summer of 04, senior prom, Senior Week without getting even a little piece of ass. Garfield points around the room. GARFIELD Every single one of us would go crazy too. Im honestly surprised its taken him this long to crack. JACK Yeah maybe he would mellow the fuck out if got his D wet. But like seriously, who the fuck would give head to a dude that mother fucking goofy? 63. EXT. PINK PALACE - CURB - DAY Routinely, ritualistically Mary sweeps up broken glass as Dave approaches. DAVE Sorry. MARY Its okay, I know its all that maniac Sullys doing. DAVE Yeah I mean. I dont know what happened. We were all drinking having a good time, then he starts dropping bottles over the deck. MARY Its whatever, alcohol does funny things to the brain. DAVE Yeah, especially when youre twenty one alumni shots deep. But you shouldnt have to clean up after that savage all the time. Broom. MARY Oh you dont have to. DAVE I want to. And Im with you, dont want any kids lacerating their feet on the way to the beach today. MARY Thats why I do it. Dave quickly sweeps up shards of broken glass and empties them in the dumpster. MARY Ive never seen Kare this giddy over a boy before. But its pretty clear why. DAVE Yeah, shes crazy. No, shes an awesome girl. Greatest thing to ever happen to me. I just... (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 64. MARY What? DAVE Hope it last forever. MARY Awww, it will. If its part of the plan. DAVE You really believe in that? MARY Of course I believe in that. God always has a plan. DAVE Well now that were speaking in that kind of tongue, would you say that Gods servants doing acts of charity for the sick on his behalf, might be part of his plan? MARY I mean, I dont know the mind of God. But I do know the love of God. And I definitely feel it when Im doing charity work. DAVE Great cuz I found a very needy, worthy and urgent cause. EXT. COASTAL HIGHWAY - DAY Beautiful summer day. Tommy rides his bike in the bike lane north on Coastal and rocks a fanny pack. DAVE (V.O) Tonight if you so kindly oblige, you will not be serving PBJs to the local homeless, singing Christmas carols to kids with cancer or giving Special Olympians renewed hope, but you will still be doing an exceptional act of charity. EXT. PINK PALACE - DAY Dave relays the plan to Mary. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 65. DAVE As Im sure youve noticed, our good friend Fish has been feeling, a little too sick lately and were asking you as his self-proclaimed queen, to provide the holistic cure. Dont think you have to take his V-card or anything but if you could come onto him tonight A souped up Honda Civic enters the bike lane and begins to intimidate Tommy with its cacophonous sound. DAVE (O.S) And maybe wax his pole. Itll make all our lives, trust me, so much easier. Most importantly, itll bring him back down to Earth--where he belongs The Civic driver beeps his horn several times, Tommy looks back with a hard stare. DAVE (O.S) And where we all need him to be to ensure the summer ends peacefully and without a very difficult but absolutely necessary phone call to the ER. The Civic finally peels wheels around Tommy. The passenger side windows open and some wannabe gangsters stick their heads out. GANGSTA WITH GRILLS Fuck, fuck fuck you mother fucker. GANGSTA WITH JERRY CURLS Sweet fanny pack faggot. TOMMY You should be sterilized. The Civic continues speeding up Coastal Highway. Tommys phone beeps once. Confused, Tommy opens his fanny pack and puts his ear to his phone. Then he sees that he has a "text message". Tommy looks pensive. He surveys his options, hits OK, then reads the message from "DAVE". "Come to Northside Park now. Were all knocking it around." EXT. NORTHSIDE PARK - DAY A bunch of dudes kicking around a soccer ball with a few girls. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 66. DAVE Alright. Shirts v skins? DUBLIN Im on the red team. Dublin snaps off his shirt. His skin is blood red. JACK Im a D up this gomer like Dennis Rodman. Jack takes off his shirt, then nudges Tommy. BEGIN "CRUEL SUMMER" MONTAGE. An homage to the soccer scene in "The Karate Kid" several shots of Tommy playing soccer and getting bullied ensue. -- The boys pass the ball around. Tommy receives a pass. Jack eyes him up and delivers a hard shoulder which sends Tommy to the ground. --Tommy slams his hands on the grass. --Kroos sends in a cross. Jack runs to head it out. Tommy sets a pick. Jack goes down, Tommy flexes his muscles. -- Tommy dribbles by a couple people before Jack delivers a studs up slide tackle from behind. Tommy simulates giving him a card. Jack gives him the middle finger. -- Dave sends in a cross. Jack holds Tommys shirt but he breaks through a scores a diving header. Mary cheers. Jack trips him as he celebrates. -- A 50/50 ball is live in the air. Tommy and Jack go up for it. They collide with each other, Jack throws an elbow. Both go down. Tommy charges after Jack and their friends break it up. INT/EXT. DAVES HONDA - DUSK Dave and Tommy ride to Lighthouse Liquors in South Delaware. They are both very sweaty. DAVE Good game Fish. TOMMY Im fucking beat dog. Havent run like that since the glory days of JCS. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 67. DAVE Not sure if youve showered since the glory days of JCS. Make sure you freshen up when we get back. Got a good feeling about tonight. TOMMY How come? DAVE I dont know. Youre fucking due to get some ass and you shouldve seen the way Mary was looking at you after you buried that diving header from the twelve. TOMMY Didnt catch it. What was it like? DAVE Like, damn I want this dudes nuts. TOMMY The header was pretty shweet. But I still think youre fooling with me. DAVE Im not. She wants it Fish. Shower up and let her have it. INT. LIGHTHOUSE LIQUORS - NIGHT Tommy and Dave are by the freezers. Dave grabs a couple bottles of whiskey and Tommy grabs two Boones Farm wine cooler drinks. DAVE Please dont tell me those are for you. TOMMY No theyre for my favorite neighbor. DAVE There you go Fish. Making moves. I like where your heads at. 68. INT. PINK PALACE UNIT 3 - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT The house is very crowded. Tommy scans the crowd for Mary in vain. He walks up to Garfield whose by the TV singing. Garfield points to Tommy. GARFIELD Take Mary home tonight, I aint gonna let you go till you see the light. Tommy exits to the DECK Tommy spots Kristis BMW pulling into an empty parking spots. CURB Dave is chatting on the phone. DAVE Hold on Crispin. Let me call you back dude. Mary and Kristi exit the car with shopping bags. Mary approaches Dave. Tommy lurks from the deck and spies on their convo. MARY Tom upstairs? Dave nods and puts both hands up, parallel to his body. DAVE Its time. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - NIGHT LIVING ROOM Tommy holds a bottle of Boones farm and sits on the couch nervously. KITCHEN Mary enters through the side deck. Kroos stands by the keg holding a full bottle of Bacardi O. KROOS Mary! Have a shot with me. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 69. MARY (reluctant) Ill do one, but only cuz I looove Bacardi O. Kroos pours two shots. They quickly take them down. KROOS Another shot to wash it all down? MARY Sure. They do another round. Mary breathes out. MARY Wooo. Thats delicious. Kroos pours two more shots. Kroos gives a toast. KROOS To getting fucked up. They tough glasses and rip their shots. BEGIN MONTAGE: -- Samantha passes Mary a mixed drink. She slugs it. -- Two shot glasses slam down on the counter. -- Kroos whispers in Marys ear. MARY (MOS) No, no I really cant. Not tonight. -- A full beer bong makes its way to Mary. She takes it down skillfully and does "Frank the Tank" style pumps with her arms. -- Tommy approaches the kitchen with a bottle of Boones Farm. His smile melts away when he spots Kroos holding Mary around one arm and a drink in the other. -- Sully passes out some beer cans and pokes holes in them. Everyone ceremoniously "shotguns" their beers. -- Kroos, Mary and few others take a round of shots. The bottle is nearly empty. -- Mary does another beer bong and does Garfields classic "drop shoulder" dance. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 70. -- Kroos whispers in Marys ear. She puts one finger up, pours the last shot, takes it down and exits with Kroos to the LIVING ROOM Mary walks with her arm around Kroos en route to his bedroom. Neither of them notice Tommy whos sitting on the couch, holding a bottle of Boones Farm and sulking to himself. Garfield spots the two heading for a hook up and then catches a quick glimpse of Tommy speed walking to the DECK Tommy leans over the railing and shakes his head in bitter disappointment. Garfield walks up and puts his arm around him. GARFIELD Youre shaking your head because of Kroos and Mary. Tommy nods "yes". GARFIELD I dont get it Fish. I really dont. TOMMY I do. Mary, shes short, shes smart. Kroos is tall and we all know, hes very slow. Opposites attract. GARFIELD True. TOMMY Plus and this is huge, he got her John Daly drunk. GARFIELD He kinda did. TOMMY Like 91 British Open style. GARFIELD Its still fucked up. Cant believe Snake snaked your girl, Fish. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 71. TOMMY I can. But mostly cuz I think he forgot about the game plan. GARFIELD Game plan? TOMMY Yeah. GARFIELD What game plan? TOMMY I dunno something about our favorite little Christian neighbor giving me some charity dome so Id chill out or something. GARFIELD You actually knew about that? How? TOMMY Intuition, a little espionage and for sure by what you just told me. GARFIELD Who the fuck cares? Its just a girl. A little piece of ass that lives downstairs. TOMMY Shes more than that to me and a charity hummer from her wouldve been awesome! GARFIELD Yeah it would have. But unfortunately for you, your donor, she found another charity. TOMMY Yeah. TOMMY, GARFIELD The Special Olympics. 72. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - KROOSS ROOM - NIGHT Kroos holds a video camera and interviews Mary. KROOS Hey so whats up? MARY Please tell me youre not seriously recording this. Kroos turns the camera to his face. KROOS Ocean City, summer 2004. That was my lady friend Mary. She barely even drank in high school. Kroos puts the camera back to Mary. MARY Turn the camera off wierdo, Im really starting to dry up. Kroos turns the camera inward once again. KROOS Mary doesnt like me recording. Mary crawls over to Kroos. KROOS When was the last time you fingered yourself? Mary turns off the camera. EXT. PINK PALACE - DECK - NIGHT Tommy sits on the omega chair in a very pensive, philosophical posture. Many dudes leave with chicks in their arms. Jack leaves with Ally, points at Tommy and laughs out loud. EXT. THE BEACH - NIGHT Tommy runs through the sands and dives into the Atlantic Ocean. Tommy sits on top of a lifeguards chair and stares in the navy abyss. A couple hooks up nearby, oblivious to Tommy. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - NIGHT (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 73. Tommy enters the LIVING ROOM Most of the houseguests has left. Only one girl and a bunch of random dudes remain. Tommy surveys the party. A bunch of dudes are playing beer pong (six cup). Some are scattered on the couches. Tommy locks eyes with the random kid who sits on a couch with a "butterface" girl on his lap. The random kid flashes Tommy a surfer sign. TOMMY & GARFIELDS ROOM Garfield is in bed with some passed out chick, smoking a cigarette. Tommy lies in incredible discomfort. Girl whispers can be heard outside their room. Mary enters. Tommy looks over at Mary, zeroes in on her magnificent rack, looks up and smiles brightly. MARY Hey Tom. TOMMY Hey. MARY I just wanted to say goodnight and that Ill see you tomorrow. Tommy gets very excited, like a kid on Christmas morning. TOMMY Okay goodnight. MARY Night. Mary blows Tommy a kiss and exits. GARFIELD Night Mary! Garfield turns to Tommy. GARFIELD You know why she blew you a kiss right? TOMMY Because you were in the room. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 74. GARFIELD No. Because she just had Snakes weiner in her mouth. Tommy cringes with plenty of salt. BATHROOM Kroos takes an extended piss in his red, Hugh Hefner robe. He enters the LIVING ROOM Tommy flicks on the light. TOMMY How was she Kroos? Was she good? I bet she was good. I wouldnt know though, I never screwed her. KROOS Neither have I. Done a lot of other stuff with that girl though. TOMMY Right and next youre gonna tell me she came onto you again. KROOS She did come onto me, the first couple times. But this time, it was pretty mutual. TOMMY You comfortable Tommy? Ill be in the kitchen, getting your queen blackout drunk so she wont remember nor mind smoking my big league wang, right before she stumbles home. KROOS Fish I think its past your bedtime, kid. TOMMY I saved her from a Latin-American rapist. What did you ever do? Kroos takes a pregnant pause. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 75. KROOS I got her wet. INT. SUPERFRESH - DAY Dave throws some diapers into a shopping cart full of solos and mixers. DAVE Well whos to say it wont happen tonight? She said it would happen tonight. Diaper party, everybodys getting butt. TOMMY Except me. DAVE You know being optimistic, staying positive does have its unsung powers. TOMMY I mean it would be nice to think that Mary would give me some dome tonight but I dunno, I just get the strange feeling shes gonna, get drunk and wax Krooss pole instead. DAVE Fish, she said shell see you tonight. Then she blew you a kiss. What do you think that means? TOMMY Could mean a lot of things. DAVE Nah bro. Only thing that means is that she felt bad about last night and is intent on making it up to you. My advice, fucking enjoy it dude. EXT. SEACRETS - DAY Mary and Kara are at the servers station filling up sodas and gathering beers. KARA How you feeling today? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 76. MARY Like I still should be sleeping with all the windows blocked off. KARA You were really getting after it last night. MARY I was and I feel so god damn guilty now. KARA Its a beach summer. Go hard or go home, right? MARY No, its not that. I feel bad about what I did to Tom. He definitely knew (BEAT) like everything and Im pretty sure he hates me now. KARA He doesnt hate you, Mare. Im pretty sure that boy adores you. And I know a pretty darn good way to give him short term memory loss. Kara holds Marys jaw. KARA Hows that jaw feel gurl? MARY Stop it. Youre terrible. Kara grabs Marys jaw again. KARA Oh my God, youre golden. They both giggle. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - NIGHT LIVING ROOM Most guests wear diapers, hold solo cups and converse. Kara, Mary and friends enter. All wear diapers and white Ts. Tommy spots Mary from the ruit room, grabs a bottle of Bacardi O and approaches. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 77. TOMMY Hey (BEAT) baby girl. Lets do some shots. I got your favorite. Tommy presents the bottle from behind his back. KITCHEN Tommy pours two shots. TOMMY I knew you were gonna see me tonight. The two take down their shots. MARY Bet you didnt think you were gonna see me in a diaper. They take another round. TOMMY Another shot? MARY Si. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - DECK - NIGHT Jack converses with the random kid whos dressed in street clothes. FLOPPY HAT What did you and that babe do last night? RANDOM KID I just sucked on her titties. The random kid makes a goofy laugh, Jack puts his finger on his chest as if trying to one up his story. From afar, shouts ensue. WIFE BEATER Nice diapers faggots. Jack, Dublin and Sully rush to the decks edge. Two meatheads stare over from across the street. JACK Keep walking, consider yourself forewarned. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 78. NO SHIRT Bunch a dudes in diapers, yeah, that aint gay. JACK Say one more word. I triple dog dare you, dog! WIFE BEATER Nice diapers, you fags! Dublin, Jack and Sully race down the stairs and across Coastal Highway. EXT. SIDEWALK - NIGHT The meatheads wait for the boys. Dublin jumps and jacks a stout, shirtless meathead in the face. He falls back, Dublin knees him in the nuts and he goes down. Jack pulls the other meathead by the wifebeater and head butts him in the chest. He instantly goes down. The boys start kicking the meatheads. All three wear diapers. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 4 - DECK - NIGHT Three lifeguards hover over the decks edge and witness the beatdown. One is very tall, muscular and in his late twenties. He is SOUP. Another is short, fit and in his early thirties. He is SHORTY. Another is short, 22 and wears a cowboy hat. He is TIMMY. SOUP These kids, are outta there friggin minds. TIMMY Dont look like their first rodeo either. SHORTY Perfect evening to dial up our boys in blue. SOUP I like. (SPANISH) INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - NIGHT KITCHEN Mary and Tommy rip another round of shots. Mary hears a hot new dance song, "Turn me On" by Kevin Little, blaring. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 79. MARY Oh my god, I loooove this song. LIVING ROOM Tommy and Mary dance in a crowded floor. He holds her hand and swirls her around before pulling close for a little "freak dancing". A tall, clean cut fella in Mardi Gras beads and a diaper enters. He is OFFICER SAN LUIGI. OFFICER SAN LUIGI Anybody got a light for my cig? Garfield lights his cig. Officer San Luigi surveys the premises. OFFICER SAN LUIGI This partys bumpin. John the Dude taps Samantha from behind. SAMANTHA What? JOHN THE DUDE You remind me of someone. SAMANTHA Please dont say your mother. JOHN THE DUDE How bout, the girl of my dreams? SAMANTHA Im gonna go get a beer. Please stop following me. Tommy and Marys dance gets increasingly erotic with speedier and more close dry humping. Officer San Luigi nods his head before making his decision to turn off the TV, which is currently blaring rap music. TOMMY What the fuck? DAVE Who let this guy in? Officer San Luigi pulls out his badge from his diaper. OFFICER SAN LUIGI Okay, Ocean City Police! Everybody, IDs now! (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 80. GARFIELD Whos the funny guy thats gotta bring in a fake police badge? OFFICER SAN LUIGI Officer Eli San Luigi, OCPD. IDs now or youre all going to the big house! KITCHEN Some guests try to run out of the side exit. Three officers enter, tapping on their night sticks. LIVING ROOM Tommy tries to escape. Two officers enter, one is short and butch. She is OFFICER CROWE. The other is feminine but male, with an "emo" haircut. He is OFFICER BOYER. OFFICER CROWE Look what the cat dragged in. OFFICER BOYER Reeaaarr. Meow. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - DECK Tommy enters, holding his citation and approaches two officers in their late thirties. One is short, Hispanic. He is OFFICER GONZALEZ. The other is also tall and Aryan featured. He is OFFICER SWEENEY. TOMMY Excuse me officers, do you think youre doing the public a service by fining legal adults for drinking within the confines of their residence? OFFICER GONZALEZ Watch your sarcasm, guy. TOMMY Its hard to watch it when its so thinly veiled behind my words. OFFICER SWEENEY Listen chief, we got a house full of underage drinkers. What do you expect us to do really? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 81. OFFICER GONZALEZ Confiscate the keg and say sionara? TOMMY If you did that it would be hilarious but equally unjust. OFFICER SWEENEY Oh, we got a philosopher in the house. OFFICER GONZALEZ Unpack that one for us, Socrates. TOMMY Yeah Im wondering whether we were busted because we were an imminent threat to society, drinking peacefully within the confines of our residence or (BEAT) cuz your police force could use a little easy revenue? OFFICER SWEENEY You wanna know why you got busted, huh? Tommy simulates thumbing a wad of cash. OFFICER GONZALEZ Plain and simple, you aint twenty one, you aint drinkin. TOMMY Do you even know why the drinking age is 21 or are you just blindly enforcing it? OFFICER SWEENEY Cuz, cuz. OFFICER GONZALEZ Cuz youre parents voted on it! TOMMY No Congress did, under the premise that it would significantly reduce alcohol related traffic fatalities. It hasnt, at least according to the findings of the two most longitudal, independent, federally funded surveys on the subject and nobody here is driving tonight (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 82. TOMMY (contd) anyway so youre not even enforcing the spirit of an unjust law. OFFICER GONZALEZ Somebody tell this dweeb to cut it out or hes goin to jail! TOMMY For what? Openly voicing my dissent for local government? Its called free speech! INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - RUIT ROOM - NIGHT Officer Crowe surveys the room and sees a crappy Fake ID of Tommys plastered on the wall. OFFICER CROWE Looky, looky. What do we have here? EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - DECK - NIGHT OFFICER GONZALEZ No! The law is the law. TOMMY Thats a tautology, it essentially says nothing. And an unjust law is no law at all. Thomas Aquinas said it best. Officer Crowe enters, holding Tommys Fake ID. OFFICER CROWE Whos Francis? Nobody answers. OFFICER CROWE Alright. Anybody got a Fake ID, that says they Francis? TOMMY I have a novelty item that says my name is Francis. OFFICER CROWE Oh, a Fake ID. Look whos racking up the charges now. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 83. TOMMY What charges? I explicitly affirmed it was a novelty item. OFFICER GONZALEZ So youre telling us its a Fake ID? TOMMY No Im not. Its a novelty item, I use it simply for novelty purposes. I never used it to identify myself nor conceded it was a Fake ID. Therefore, you cannot charge me with possession of a Fake ID. At least, under Maryland law. OFFICER GONZALEZ Officer Crowe. OFFICER CROWE Yes Officer Gonzalez. OFFICER GONZALEZ Ive observed the gentleman in question to be drunk and disorderly. Hes been running his mouth to us, all night long. TOMMY I barely even drank tonight you fucking clowns. I had three shots, thats it. OFFICER CROWE Well guess what Francis? Disorderly conduct, in addition to underage drinking, happens to be an arrestable offense. At least, under Maryland law. Book em boys. The officers salivate as the approach Tommy with hand cuffs. TOMMY No. Nooo! OFFICER GONZALEZ Gotcha. Tommy is cuffed and wrestled to the ground as he tries to squirm out. Everyone screams out in protest as the other officers hold the party back. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 84. TOMMY Injustice! Injustice! You are all witnessing to injustice! A blind abuse of power. A bruised ego into a disorderly conduct charge. This will not hold up in a court of law! Tommy turns to see Mary enter the deck. TOMMY Wait for me. Wait for me when I get on the outside, Mary. You said you were gonna see me. You were gonna see me! You said you were gonna see me tonight! Mary steps inside and swirls her hair behind her ear. INT/EXT. OCPD CRUISER - NIGHT Tommy turns around and watches a party returning inside as hes taken further and further away from the Pink Palace. EXT. BELLYSBUSTERS - DAY Tommys roommates sit on a patio and crush Buffalo Chicken subs. Kroos holds up his fresh alcohol citation. KROOS Two hundred fucking seventy five dollars for drinking beer at my house, Im gonna kill Fish. GARFIELD They were gonna write us up regardless. I cant trust those clowns. DAVE Yeah, but having a maniac raving on our porch definitely sealed it. KROOS I work so hard, definitely work the most in the house and kid does nothing but scare the shit out of everybody and get us busted. GARFIELD They saw blood and diapers, sent in a sandshark. Went on a feeding frenzy. Typical OCPD. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 85. DAVE Yeah the laws a business Snake, the didnt teach you that at Roajoke? KROOS I mean I took some business classes but my mom, like helped me out with some of the stuff. GARFIELD Of course she did. Buffalo Chicken subs arrive. The conversation stops and continues after a few bites. DAVE So whats going on tonight? Lax bros, tennis hoes at Blackouts? GARFIELD Nah, thats tomorrow night. KROOS Thought it was Friday the 13th. GARFIELD Exactly. KROOS Well whats today? GARFIELD Thursday. KROOS Is it really? DAVE We should probably take it easy tonight. KROOS So one keg? GARFIELD And a bottle of Alpenwolfe. The boys all howl. EXT. JAIL - DAY Tommy exits in long jean shorts and a raggity T-Shirt. He reads his police report and trashes it. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 86. EXT. 41ST STREET - DAY The light turns red and Tommy walks before the crosswalk, lost in thought. INT/EXT. BLUE BRONCO - DAY A white rastafarian delivery driver blares reggae and pounds on his dashboard, oblivious to the road. He sees Tommy way too late, slams on the breaks but still hits him hard just as Tommy turns to see him. EXT. COASTAL HIGHWAY - DAY Tommy gets decked by the Bronco, his sandals fly off and he does a couple spins before he lands on the median strip. He looks up, sees an old man with WWII tatoos looking back at him and rises to his feet. Two teenagers approach. VISOR Yooo dude. K COAST Are you alright? TOMMY Im still kicking. Tommy simulates a kick, then winces and limps further down the median strip. The light turns green. The Delivery Driver looks on, sees that Tommy is walking and takes off fast. VISOR You need a cigarette? TOMMY No, Im good. Tommy twirls his gold chain. K COAST Are you a Christian? TOMMY No, Im a soccer player. Look it up. 87. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - LIVING ROOM - DUSK Dave enters with a brown paper bag. Tommy is watching Step by Step. DAVE Sup Fish? TOMMY Where yall been? DAVE The beach, Bellybusters, then Lighthouse. TOMMY Thanks for picking me up from jail, pal. Its not like I didnt have my wallet or a bus pass and had to walk home in jean shorts or anything like that. DAVE Yeah we thought you could use the walk. TOMMY So thats why you clicked my one and only phone call from prison? DAVE We thought it would be good for you to get some fresh air, blow off some steam, reflect. TOMMY I got hit by a car. DAVE Buuuullshit. TOMMY Oh really? Tommy slides down his red Adidas shorts to reveal a fresh, gigantic bruise on the side of the ass. DAVE You got roughed up by some cops, shut the fuck up. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 88. TOMMY Why dont you ask the Hungry Surfer Delivery driver who hit me on 41st? Or trust me, for once! DAVE Easy Fish. TOMMY Howd those Buffalo Chicken Subs taste? Bet it tasted a lot better then indefinite incarceration, neglect and getting blindsided by a Blue Bronco at 30 miles per hour. DAVE You were just really fired up last night and we thought you needed some time to chill. It was only gonna be a couple of citations but someone had to argue till he got arrested. Garfield and Kroos enter carrying a keg. GARFIELD Whats up Gandhi? KROOS Injustice! Injustice! Fuck you Fish! TOMMY Sorry Im not sorry about last night. I stood up for whats right! DAVE Right? Everything you do is right, right? You were the only one that thought that was right. Everyone else just laughed at you. TOMMY Well clearly no ones a prophet in his own village. DAVE What does that even mean? You spend a night in jail and all of sudden youre a prophet? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 89. TOMMY All Im saying boyee is that nobody understands me and thats not because Im wrong. Its because theyre blind! DAVE Do you realize how fucking arrogant you sound? Maybe nobody understands you because theyre not tweaking on Crystal Meth. TOMMY No. Its because theyre not awake! Tommy storms out of the kitchen and into his room. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - DECK - NIGHT Jack, Dave, Sully, and Garfield pass around a bottle of Alpenwolfe. Jack takes a swig and fills up everybody elses cups. Dave mixes Red Bull with the Alpenwolfe. The boys chug their Alpenbombs and howl as Mary pulls up in front of the house. She thinks theyre howling at her and waves before she enters her house. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 1 - KITCHEN - NIGHT Mary enters tired, frustrated. Kristi reads "Fight Club" and sips on some wine. MARY Seacrets owns my soul. Mary slams a shot glass on the table. MARY Fill me up Coyote Ugly. I need a stiff one. The sisters sit and converse. Mary slugs a mixed drink. KRISTI So, you wishing you did Young Life? MARY Young Life wouldve been amazing and this summers been really crazy, but I wouldve had it any other way. Marys half way through another mixed drink. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 90. MARY These boys are driving me nuts though. Mary takes a big sip of her drink. KRISTI Boysll do that to you. I would know. Fuck you, Conor! Cheers. The girls touch glasses and Mary kills her drink. MARY Tom is like (BEAT) crazy now! Mary takes a big gulp of her heavy glass of red wine. KRISTI Ive noticed. It actually feels kinda familar, like something I studied way back when, think it was abnormal psych. MARY Shocker. And Jack...Jack is like such an a-hole. But he was actually really charming, before we started knockin boots. Now Im just a guaranteed, any time you need it, piece of ass. Mary chugs her wine and pours herself another glass. KRISTI Easy there killer. MARY Its been a long summer sister. The girls touch glasses, Mary takes another heavy gulp. MARY This wine is fabulous. Mary kills her glass. MARY More wine. (SPANISH) Mary chugs the rest of the wine. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 91. MARY I need to get laid. Mary scrolls through the contacts in her phone. Kristi makes a maternalistic glare. MARY What? KRISTI You sure thats such a good idea? MARY Having multiples? No its a terrible idea. Mary stops at "Tom S", takes a quick pause then scrolls further down as she rips at shot. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - DECK - NIGHT The boys continue to drink Alpenwolfe and bullshit. Jacks phone beeps and he quickly checks it. JACK I knew that bitch still wanted it. SULLY Mindy? GARFIELD No, our favorite little Christian neighbor. Garfield points to the side of the house where Mary clumsily sneaks around back. SULLY Hes still fucking her? DAVE Girls kind of a mess. The boys chug their Alpenbombs and howl. Kara enters. DAVE Well this summers officially taken ten years off my life. My liver and kidneys are fucked. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 92. SULLY Ten at least. I havent shit solid since May. GARFIELD Ive developed a stutter and it could be ruit elbow but I th-th-think I had a stroke. Garfield holds up his crooked, shaky arm. DAVE I found this pretty lady though. Dave waves Kara in, puts his arm around her and shares a kiss. Kara sits down next to Dave. Garfield acts like a reporter and holds an invisible microphone toward Dave. GARFIELD Whats the secret? DAVE The secret? GARFIELD Yeah, you guys seem to be madly in love. DAVE We like having sex with each other. Kara smacks Dave on the arm. DAVE I was raped last week. (to Kara) You remember? KARA I do. But technically its not rape if you never got inside me. Everyone "ooooohhhhs". DAVE I had whiskey dick. Tommy enters. TOMMY Wheres Mary? (SPANISH) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 93. GARFIELD What? TOMMY I see her cars here. Where she at? KARA I dont know. (SPANISH) GARFIELD Shes downstairs fucking Jack. TOMMY Unit, I know youre still mad at me for last night but dont fool with me like that. Seriously, where she at? GARFIELD Shes downstairs, getting railed out, by your favorite wigger. TOMMY Dave, you seen Mary? DAVE Um, yeah. TOMMY Well whats she up to? DAVE What Unit said. TOMMY Ugh-Ugh. No way. Whos got another tall tale for the Fish? DAVE Mary literally just sexted Jack and we all definitely saw her sneaking around the back way to his place. I mean, they could be doing something else. Dave laughs sarcastically. TOMMY No. No! Fuck no! GARFIELD Yes. No bullshit. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 94. KARA Shes always had a weakness for bad boys. TOMMY No. You guys are just fucking with me! Stop it, its not funny. I hate it! DAVE Cmon Fish, its us. You might not realize it in the state youre in, but were all your best friends and we love you dude, we really do. We would not make up something like that just to fuck with you, even though youve been acting like a holier than thou assclown lately. Embrace reality Fish, your queen, likes to get down. Every one nods in agreement. TOMMY No she doesnt. Shes a good girl, hes a bad boy. Them doin the wild thaaaang, defies all logical sense. DAVE Of course it does. Not everything makes logical sense. Were primal savages, primal fucking savages when you really strip us down. TOMMY Shes at work. Yeah shes at work, shes doing a double tonight. GARFIELD Yeah, on Jacks weiner. DAVE Seriously Fish, let me spare you the suicide note. Were being real with you bro. Tommy surveys the crowd, sees honest eyes and head nods. GARFIELD (singing) Marys not, that, innocent! (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 95. TOMMY No, no, no she aint. But Jack? Tommy looks towards the heavens. TOMMY Why have you forsaken me!?!? DAVE Jacks an animal. The boys all howl. A white escalade pulls up in front of the palace. Remy, a preppy brunnete exits. REMY See ya bitch. Kroos follows behind with Samantha. Her eyes are a little teary and theyre both sandy. Remy passes the boys on the deck. REMY Dont act like youre not impressed. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - - NIGHT Remy texts upon her entrance. She passes a familiar face. REMY Hey girl, hey. A girl tries to speak to Remy and she tells her to "talk to the hand" with her body language as she enters the KITCHEN Ally stands by the keg with a forlorn posture. Remy has her phone to her ear. JACK (O.S) Hey you got Jack. Leave me a message, I might you back. REMY Text me back ahole and dont click me ever again if you wanna keep your spleen. Im here. K bye. Remy notices Ally staring a her. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 96. REMY What is it bitch? ALLY Nothing. REMY Cmon skank, spill it! ALLY Not a skank but was that by any chance Jacks voicemail? REMY Maybe, why? ALLY Hes not your boyfriend is he? REMY No we just fuck when Im coked up and dont have to crawl to get down this way. His girlfriends in Germany or some shit. ALLY France. REMY Like it matters. (BEAT) Wait, why did you ask me if I was his girlfriend? ALLY Um. REMY Because you fucked him didnt you? Ally blushes and turns away. REMY That slut, he told me I was the only one he was fucking while Kiki was away! ALLY OMG. He literally told me the same exact thing. REMY Where is that manwhore? Cmon skank spill it. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 97. ALLY Stop calling skank and maybe I will. REMY Okay girly. Where he at? ALLY Lets see. Hes not answering his phone. Partys on and hes MIA. Knowing Jack, hes at his place, fucking another girl he told was special and fucking exclusively. REMY Im gonna pin the fucking tail on that donkey dick! The girls storm out. TOMMYS ROOM Tommy has the craziest look in his eyes as he holds his birthday card and walks in circles. TOMMY Hi Im Mary. I was gonna do Young Life this summer but then God told me to live down the beach and blow a bunch of dudes instead. Tommy shreds the card in half. TOMMY I have lots of favorite neighbors. Tommy shreds the card in smaller pieces. TOMMY Hola Soup, youre looking pretty muscular. Hey Kroos, can I see your room? Leave in two minutes, meet me around back. Got it Jack? Tommy shreds the remaining pieces of the card and tosses the debris in the air. One little sliver remains in his hand. TOMMY Well Tom, at this point in my life, I could really use a good guy friend! Tommy rips the sliver, tosses it and starts kicking the debris. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 98. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 2 - PORCH - NIGHT Ally puts her ear to Jacks door. ALLY I think I hear fucking. Definitely hear music. Remy puts her ear to the door. REMY Its DMX. Dont even need to hear fucking. Remy tries to knock on Jacks door. Ally blocks her. ALLY Lets be sure about it. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 2 - BACK - NIGHT The girls stand on a picnic table and peak inside. REMY Look at that manwhore. ALLY My dad always warned me about guys like this. REMY Is that skank wearing a crucifix? POV GIRLS. Jack bones Mary Pat Bateman style--doggie and kissing his flexed muscles. ALLY (O.S) Jesus definitely wouldnt do that a-hole. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - TOMMY & GARFIELDS ROOM - NIGHT Tommy lays by his bed amongst the card remnants when Dave enters. DAVE Really? TOMMY Says the guy who still has his queen. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 99. DAVE Come outside with your boys, Fish. TOMMY You guys still talking puss. I obviously have nothing to add. DAVE Tommy, youll always be our boy, no matter how long it takes you to get laid. Just come outside. TOMMY Nah, Im gonna stay here for awhile. Got a little letter to write. DAVE To whom? TOMMY To whom do you think? DAVE Fish, I really cant believe you take that girl so seriously. TOMMY You dont take the people you love seriously!?!? DAVE Fish, I understand youre upset right now but laying around in a pile of shredded paper, sulking to yourself is the worst thing you could possibly do about it. Besides penning an erratic letter. TOMMY I dont care. Im doing it anyway. Dave sits down with Tommy. DAVE You remember how I used to date Ryleigh De Boer? TOMMY Of course. She was your Daisy dude. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 100. DAVE First love but a class above. TOMMY You never told me what happened. DAVE Another time, Fish. Another time. Just know that it didnt end well and I used to wake up every morning, without exception, to her face. TOMMY Sounds intense. DAVE It was intense. She fucking haunted my dreams dude! But guess what? TOMMY You met Kara. DAVE Exactly. And she made me forgot all about that Ryleigh De Boer bitch. You might think youve got everything figured out and your futures gonna unfold exactly as youre picturing it right now but that delusion just prevents life from being spontaneous and real. Please get up and see whats going down outside. Trust be bro, itll raise you up. Dave gets up and extends his hand. Tommy takes a pregnant pause before grabbing Daves hand and getting up. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - DECK - NIGHT Tommy walks to the decks edge to see that Jacks angry lovers have spelled out "MANWHORE" in shaving cream on the sidewalk. TOMMY Holy snikes, this is great. DAVE Life of a playa. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 101. TOMMY Karma at its finest hour. Tommy leans over the railing. Loud sounds of girls screaming and knocks on Jacks door are constant. TOMMY Dave, honest question. DAVE Yeah whats up, Fish? TOMMY Why do good girls like bad guys? DAVE I think its a lot more complex than you think. TOMMY What do you mean? DAVE I mean, nobody pure good or bad or anything else. All of us have a yin and a yang, a light and a shadow. And when a girls drunk and horny guess what sides more persuasive? EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 2 - PORCH - NIGHT Remy bangs on Jacks door with a fierce, primal fury. REMY Open sesame you fucking manwhore! Stop fucking that sluzer for a hot second and get your drunk ass out here. Dont try to run away either you fucking troll. ALLY Hey Mr. Genie, I wish you werent such a manwhore! EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - DECK - NIGHT TOMMY It sounds completely unfair, but it actually makes a lot of sense. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 2 - PORCH - NIGHT Remy begins to bull rush Jacks door before it opens. Jack steps outside wearing a scary Halloween mask. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 102. JACK Congratulations. Yall solved the mystery. Jack slides off his mask. JACK Nice work, Scoobs. Remy charges at Jack. Jack chucks the mask at her. Remy starts kicking Jack in the shins before Ally and a few others pull her way. REMY Youre fucking trash. You should be sterlized, you dick. JACK (old man voice) And I wouldve gotten away with it if it werent for you rotten skuzzers. Ally pulls Remy back. ALLY Hes not worth it. REMY Fuck you manwhore. Look what you got. This is an ode to your bullshit. JACK Okay Watson. What? We got Watson and Sherlock Holmes on the case. Go the fuck home! Ally and several others pull Remy away. REMY Go get Lou Gehrigs disease, you fucking skank. JACK Yall did good. Sure you dont wanna come back for a Scooby snack? Jack spreads his legs wide. Remy charges, Ally and some other girls grab her. Remy shouts continually before an Escalade pulls up. The window rolls down. The passengers calls out to her. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 103. KENDRA You done slumming bitch? REMY Almost. (TO THE CROWD) Have fun making my fast food, bitches! Remy taps her nose. Kendra lips "duh". 2ND FLOOR DECK Mary walks towards the crowd and lips, "Whats going on?". Tommy leans over the railing. TOMMY Hey manwhore, you know how youre always saying, "figure it out, deal with it."? JACK Yeah. (Jack calls to the Escalade as it speeds out) Figure it out, deal with it! TOMMY I was talking to you, manwhore. Youre a walking STD, figure it out, deal with it! JACK Know what? Fuck it. I aint in the mood to be courteous no more. The tribe has spoken, nobody fucking likes you and you need help. Like seriously dude, you need to go get help. Like now. DAVE Shut the fuck up Jack. Fish, we all fucking looove you dude and it might sound gay but we fucking care about you. We do man. TOMMY Except that guy. Tommy points to Jack, Jack holds up his phone. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 104. JACK I got 911 in my contacts, I hope we make that call tonight. TOMMY What size body bag do you wear, Jack? JACK Same size as my dick. Larger than life. Threaten me again, go head. Cmon, I triple dog dare you, dog. Tommy starts barking. TOMMY (DOG VOICE) Im gonna break your bones. Jack spreads his legs and accuenates his package. JACK This gonna crack your skull. TOMMY Another dick allusion, shocker. DAVE Fish, dont play his game. You keep breathing fire, he wins. Just be the bigger man and go inside. Tommy eyes the house entrance and spots Mary talking with Samantha. He stares at her with sadness, anger, disappointment. MARY It was probably Rita. SAMANTHA You think? MARY I do remember her disappearing for a while. PARKING LOT JACK Yo Dave, go get him help. Kid needs it like a bitch need a mouthpiece and a tampon. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 105. TOMMY Maybe I do need help. Mary, help me understand what was going through your luminous mind when you decided, "hey, this guy seems like the biggest asshole Ive ever met, how bout I let him inside of me all summer long"? MARY Tom, not now. Por favor. JACK I got a dick like a lost puppy, wandering the streets in the middle of a long, cold winter. Jack moans like a cold, sad puppy. JACK She had to let it inside! Some girls point and laugh at Mary. Instantly, she begins balling her eyes out. TOMMY Says the former 6th man on a TC basketball train. Choo Choo! JACK How many girls you fuck this summer? Better yet, how many girls you fuck in your life? Yeah thats what I thought, the big goose egg. TOMMY Still waiting on your mom to leave her fourth husband. DAVE Easy Fish. (to Jack) Cmon were all friends here. JACK I aint friends with this Loony Toon. DAVE Just go inside, Fish. Live the Golden Rule. Tommy slowly walks inside while giving Jack a hard stare. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 106. JACK Yeah, yeah, keep walkin Elmer Fudd. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 2 - JACKS ROOM - NIGHT Several dudes sit around and rip bonghits. JACK Im a one hit quit that that bitch. Then well see if he still got something to say. DAVE Please dont. JACK One more rip on my mother and boom! He gonna need his jaw wired. For real. Jack takes a big bong rip and begins coughing profusely. GARFIELD Nice rip, manwhore. JACK Thats a low blow. SULLY Im not so sure it is. How many girls you stick it to this summer? JACK Twelve. DUBLIN Oh. Does the time you stuck in Kendal Calcavecchios pooper count? Everyone laughs out loud. JACK Fuck you guys. Jack gets up and begins to leave. DAVE Where you going Jack? JACK Ima get me some Wawa. Jack exits, Dublin twirls his hair. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 107. DUBLIN God damn my hair is long. SULLY We look like a bunch of burnouts. GARFIELD We are burnouts. KROOS That would be so sweet if I could just chop this bullshit off. SULLY Ive got clippers. GARFIELD First buzz. KROOS Second. DAVE I got dibs on third. DUBLIN Im getting a flop. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Tommy sits on the couch and watches "I love the 90s". Jack wipes his lips and tosses a sub wrapper on the ground. JACK Oh hey Romeo, how art thou? TOMMY Sup Iago? JACK The parrot from Alladin? Good one. Chasity finding itself splendid for thee? TOMMY Cheating on your girlfriend with half the city finding itself splendid for thou? JACK Fucking the shit out of Mary all summer was fun. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 108. TOMMY As fun as when your mom bailed on your dad? JACK The fuck you say? TOMMY I didnt stutter. Tommy stands up. JACK You tryin to start? One swing and boom, you got frontal lobe damage homie. TOMMY Jack, I know why you drink so much and I understand why youre such a dick. And I dont judge you because I cant imagine how hard it mustve been to go through a divorce, especially in early childhood. But as hard as it sounds to do you just gotta Tommy simulates brushing dirt off his shoulder. TOMMY For little Jacks sake. It wasnt your fault. JACK I know. TOMMY It wasnt your fault. JACK Duh. TOMMY It wasnt your fault. JACK Stop saying that bitch. TOMMY Im not a bitch. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 109. JACK You are such a bitch. TOMMY Really? Who just got bitch slapped? JACK What? Tommy slaps Jack in the face. Jack slaps him back. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 2 - PORCH - NIGHT Garfield finishes buzzing Sullys head. JACK (O.S) The only bitch who couldnt get in Marys pants! You really think that girl likes you!?!? The boys start running upstairs. TOMMY (O.S) I know she does, Curious George. Dublin grabs a thirty pack. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Tommy and Jack stand within haymaker distance. JACK Oh what, Im an ape now. TOMMY That would be an insult to apes. JACK Hit me pussy, hit me pussy. Jack starts making ape noises and scratching his head. JACK Cmon AC Green, you got the first swing. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 2 - DECK - NIGHT Dave, Kroos, Garfield look through the window to see Jack jumping around like an ape. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 110. JACK Come on, one hit quit me pussy. One hit quit me. Jack makes some ape noises, then simulates sex. JACK Oh Mary, take my big ass dick. What? Toms a sad little whack job. Hes scaring you? Yeah tell me something I dont know. TOMMY Hammer! Sike Tommy fakes a punch, then honks Jacks nose. TOMMY Honk. Jack pushes Tommy hard. JACK What the fuck are you doing pussy? Tommy sticks his finger up. TOMMY Im taking the position of the Great Gandhi with a non-violent approach to this situation. JACK Okay thats not a really weird thing to say at all. Dave, Garfield and Kroos enter. JACK Boys call the ER. This ones certifiably, cuckoo, cuckoo. DAVE How was Wawa, Jack? JACK Chill. Had a cheesesteak and now, Im about to serve up a long overdue knuckle sandwich. DAVE No, youre gonna get the fuck off our property. You have no right to be here right now. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 111. JACK Im just letting this little bitch know whats up. TOMMY Get fisted! Jack grabs his phone and lips 9.1.1. KROOS (to Jack) Were playing beer wars. Youre coming with. Dublin enters. JACK Nice flop. DUBLIN It is. Beer wars? JACK Uh, uh. Yessir. (to Tommy) Yo Romeo, Ill be on the beach getting fucked up with my boys just in case you change your mind and feel like getting your ass beat tonight. TOMMY Not tonight but maybe tomorrow, more likely ten, fifteen years down the road, I will not feel like being such a pacifist. And youll discover, first hand, what it feels like to get chokeslammed by a fucking champion, metaphorically and literally, dog! JACK Ooh, Im shakin in my boots. EXT. THE BEACH - NIGHT All the boys with newly buzzed heads are playing the drinking game "beer wars". They crack their cans of beer, then do the ceremonial "beer wars" chant before holding the beers high above their heads and dropping the beer into their open mouths. The boys kill their beers, chuck the cans and shout. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 112. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 1 - MARYS ROOM - NIGHT Mary takes a pull of Bacardi O as she lays in bed. Her face is flush with tears and a photo album lies by her side. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - TOMMY & GARFIELDS ROOM - NIGHT Tommy rolls around in his bed, struggling to sleep. Garfield is covered in beer and highly unconscious. EXT. THE BEACH - SUNRISE Tommy sits on the beach alone, surrounded by empty Natty Light cans. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - DAY LIVING ROOM Garfield walks out of his bedroom with a cig in his mouth. Tommy looks at the clock to see 1:45. TOMMY Wow. The under hits again. (BEAT) Sweet wiffle cut. GARFIELD Yeah, all the cool kids have one. TOMMY I guess thats why my hairs so long. GARFIELD Exactly, youre a self-righteous prick. And youre definitely not chill. TOMMY You dont know shit. GARFIELD Really? I know somebody who thinks God talks to him and hes above everybody else. TOMMY Thats a flagrant caricature. Completely misses the essence of my awakening. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 113. GARFIELD See. Shit like that is why you dont have a buzz. TOMMY Just because its over your head, doesnt mean its not accurate. And you guys are the ones whove been acting like a-holes. GARFIELD Really? Heard you went early childhood divorce on Jack. TOMMY Have you seen the way that kid treats me? Hes been like that kid from Problem Child to me, all summer long. GARFIELD Still, were all boys and last night, and all month basically, youve given us plenty of reasons to believe otherwise. TOMMY Stop being such a drama queen, Jack is not by boy. Hes been making fun of me since 9-10 rec baseball and I have good reason to loathe him. GARFIELD Yeah because he consistently bangs out home runs and all you do is strikeout and cry about it. TOMMY Someones awful sassy this morning. Maybe he didnt get enough sleep. GARFIELD Fuck off. Garfield exits. Tommy heads into his room. TOMMY & GARFIELDS ROOM Tommy crawls under Garfields bed, pulls out a bag of weed, and packs up a bowl. He puts on some music and begins blazing. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 1 - DAY (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 114. MARYS ROOM Mary takes out her clothes and begins packing them into suitcases. BATHROOM Mary grabs her toiletries and puts them into a travel case. KITCHEN On the table is an abnormal psych text book with a stick it note that reads, "Mary. Required Reading". Mary opens to a book marked chapter and lifts a stick it note that reads, "Told you it felt familiar. Tommy?" Mary checks through the symptoms without revealing that they describe manic-depression or bipolar disorder. Mary grabs a highlighter and highlights symptoms like EXTREME IRRITABILITY. DELUSIONS OF GRANDIOSITY. LACK OF NEED FOR SLEEP. RAPID, PRESSURED SPEECH. RESISTANCE TO AUTHORITY. EXT. PINK PALACE - DAY PARKING LOT Mary puts her suitcases into car. Its pretty tightly packed. Tommy looks on from the Omega Chair. Mary zeroes in a the copy of the Purpose Driven Life on her passenger seat. PORCH Mary reads Chapter 38 with a warm focus as the sun starts to set. Her ringtone sounds off, "The Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns. MARY Hey Kare, whats up? Karas voice is muffled and all that is clearly audible is "Blackout Blanes". MARY I dont know if Id survive it. (BEAT) Yeah I have a tennis outfit. Why? INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Tommy, dressed in lacrosse shorts and a visor worn upside down and on the front of his head, peaks out of the window to see Mary beeping, waving to Kristi and driving off. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - DECK - NIGH (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 115. Tommy sits stoically, meditating quietly as Garfield approaches with several cartons of cigs. Garfield turns to Tommy. GARFIELD Hey sorry I called you a pussy. TOMMY Its all good. Its not true and I know you didnt mean it. Sorry, I called you a drama queen. GARFIELD Apology accepted. Tryin to get ripped and watch Jason X? TOMMY Uh-huh. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - NIGHT Tommy and Garfield watch Jason X and geek. Smoke fills the ear. KROOS Last day of work, fucking over. Blackout Blanes about to be fucking raged. Two hundred fifty fucking dollars in my pocket cuz I work hard and pressed the under. Lets rip some mother fucking shots! GARFIELD Cool. Lets do it. KROOS Fish? TOMMY Nah, Im fucking golden. KROOS Seriously Fish, whats your fucking deal dude? TOMMY Its beyond words. GARFIELD I think he needs a haircut. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 116. KROOS He does. TOMMY Ah-ugh. No way. GARFIELD Dont you wanna be one of the boys? TOMMY I dont trust you savages with an electric razor. EXT. ROBIN DRIVE - NIGHT Kroos rides a bike and holds a video camera. He points it Tommy whose head is freshly buzzed. All are in lacrosse wear. POV. KROOSS CAMERA KROOS Hey Fish. Yo Fiiiiish. Hey, hows your head feel? TOMMY Full of sharp, menacing pain. KROOS Duuuude Toooom, duuuuude Toooom. Why you walking so fast? TOMMY I dunno maybe cuz this kid Arnie keeps filming me. KROOS Yooo Fiiish. I titty fucked Mary the night you were jail. It was insane bra. Tommy moons Kroos. TOMMY Capture this fat pale ass and everytime you watch this video, I want you to remember that his is what you are. An asshole, a mother fucking asshole. A young, frail Ocean City police officer zips by. He is OFFICER MALOOLY. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 117. OFFICER MALOOLY Turn the camera off, stretch! Offical police business. Kroos quickly shuts off the camera. Tommy pulls his pants up to see the officer at his side. OFFICER MALOOLY You just mooned that car. TOMMY No I didnt. OFFICER MALOOLY Right and next youre gonna tell me youre wearing a shirt! TOMMY No Im gonna tell you that I got a theme party to go to so I would love it if you stopped wasting my fucking time! OFFICER MALOOLY Im gonna have to ask you some questions. Officer Malooly hops off his bike and grabs a clipboard and a form. TOMMY Perfect. OFFICER MALOOLY First and last name, now! INT. BLACKOUT BLANES - KITCHEN - NIGHT Mary, Kara, Rita and a few others enter, all are dressed in "tennis ho" attire. SAMANTHA Mary, yaaay. You made it. You girls want some juice? Samantha grabs some cups and scoops some jungle juice from a big container with a ladle. KARA Yes please. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 118. SAMANTHA Mary? MARY Sorry Samantha, Ive got a sober mandate tonight. SAMANTHA One drink and youll change your mind. Cmon girly, do one. EXT. ROBIN DRIVE - NIGHT Garfield and Kroos stand impatiently as Officer Malooly interviews Tommy. OFFICER MALOOLY With or without an H? TOMMY With. OFFICER MALOOLY Okay Joseph Johnston. Ive got good news. Since there was no frontal nudity, I cant arrest you. TOMMY Alright peace. OFFICER MALOOLY Not so fast. I can still administer a GVD and get your information. Whats your address? TOMMY I have three addresses. My home, school and summer. Which one do you wanna raid for alcohol? OFFICER MALOOLY Dont get smart with me. Whats your address? TOMMY Ill get as smart with you as I want. Gods my authority, not some scrawny ass meter maid! OFFICER MALOOLY What are you? Some stupid high schooler? Thinks hes still on Senior Week and can say whatever he wants to a police officer. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 119. TOMMY Nope Im actually a smart collegian. OFFICER MALOOLY Alright college boy, well come back for that one. Do you have any upcoming trials or court dates? TOMMY Not sure the trial date but I was arrested on Wednesday for making fun of some cops while they wrote alcohol citations. OFFICER MALOOLY Oh, so you hate cops? TOMMY No, just Ocean City cops. I respect real cops. OFFICER MALOOLY You dont think this badge is real!?!? TOMMY Considering you had to pass a four week training course to get it, along with your revolver? Absolutely not! Scuze me rookie, beep beep. Tommy tries to pass Malooly. Malooly grabs him and taps on his baton. OFFICER MALOOLY We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Whats your address? TOMMY Ill do this the Gandhi way. Tommy lays down on the sidewalk and refuses to cooperate further. OFFICER MALOOLY Get up! KROOS Get the fuck up, Fish! (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 120. GARFIELD Get up (BEAT) Joe. KROOS Enough with this hippie shit! Get the fuck up! A woman walks a kid on a stroller down the sidewalk. OFFICER MALOOLY Get up. KROOS Get the fuck up! The woman has to circumvent Tommy via the street. OFFICER MALOOLY Thats it! Thats it! I can arrest you now! You didnt allow the free passage of a citizen in public. Get up, youre goin to jail! GARFIELD Game over Fish, get up. KROOS Get the fuck up! OFFICER MALOOLY Get up or Im throwing in resisting. TOMMY Ill get up, but I want you to remember two things. This is completely against my will and this is not a concession of guilt. Tommy gets up and puts his hands behind his back. OFFICER MALOOLY Save it for the Judge. Officer Malooly cuffs Tommy. INT. BLACKOUT BLANES - KITCHEN - NIGHT Garfield and Kroos roll up. They exchange hugs, high fives and grab some Jungle Juice. Mary has juice all over her lips and gives Kroos a big hug. Blane walks Garfield over to the ice luge and he takes down a big gulp of Alpenwolfe. INT. JAIL - PROCESSING STATION - NIGHT (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 121. Tommy gets his fingerprints and mug shots taken. INT. BLACKOUT BLANES - KITCHEN - NIGHT Kroos starts doing beer bongs. Blane passes Garfield, Dublin, Sully and simulates smoking weed. They follow him to his bedroom. INT. JAIL - HALLWAY - NIGHT A young cop walks Tommy to his cell, he passes a bunch of drunks and degenerates who taunt him. One ruffian lips "Nice Shirt" MOS. INT. BLACKOUT BLANES - KITCHEN - NIGHT Kroos holds up a thirty pack and calls for Mary and some other dudes to follow him out. INT. JAIL - CELL - NIGHT Tommy enters his cell and immediately begins trashing it. He pulls toilet paper off the roll and spreads it around the room. INT. BLACKOUT BLANES - BLANES ROOM - NIGHT A bunch of suntanned burnouts blaze kind buds. A blunt is being passed around, as well as a bong and a bowl. The room fills with smoke. MOS LAUGHTER. EXT. BLACKOUT BLANES - PORCH - NIGHT Kroos passes out some cold Natty Lights and his keys. Mary, Kroos, Pietro and other begin to poke holes in them. Mary lips "Again!?!?". Kroos lips "Said he was pulling a Gandhi." Kroos simulates jerking off and they all start shotgunning their beers. INT. BLACKOUT BLANES - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Samantha chats with some girlfriends. John the Dude creeps in. JOHN THE DUDE Booo! John starts laughing, Samantha turns away to her friends. SAMANTHA Stalker alert! Her friends all laugh, John storms away and enters (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 122. BLANES BEDROOM A thick cloud of smoke fills the air. JOHN THE DUDE Loves a cruel, sad, twisted game. John takes in a big whiff and instantly, feels better. JOHN THE DUDE Alright, alright. Smells good in here. Oooh, oooh. John starts starts making hippie hand motions. The boys all laugh out loud. JOHN THE DUDE Hey Unit. John pulls out a big bag of weed. JOHN THE DUDE (singing) Let me see that boooong. EXT. BLACKOUT BLANES - PORCH - NIGHT Mary, Kroos and the boys do another round of shotguns. Jack enters. Mary turns away quickly. JACK Oh, its gonna be like that now. MARY Now, always and forever. Youre the biggest mistake of my life. JACK I bet a mistake, never made you cum like that before. A round of "ooooohs" ensues. MARY Im just glad I always made you wear a condom. Everyone laughs. KROOS Okay see ya later Mother Teresa. Bye Gandhi. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 123. Jack goes back inside. Kroos hands Mary a shotgun prepped beer and puts his arm around her. KROOS To getting fucked up! Another round of shotguns ensues. INT. JAIL - CELL - NIGHT Tommy does some military clap push-ups. Tommy lays back on his cot, rollin around. He gets pensive then puts his hands behind his head and begins to reflect. EXT. BLACKOUT BLANES - PORCH - NIGHT Kroos and Mary seize the night, take down another round of shotguns and dance amongst themselves. INT. BLACKOUT BLANES - BLANES ROOM - NIGHT The boys continue to blaze mad bud and laugh, bullshit, joke amongst themselves. INT. JAIL - CELL - NIGHT Tommy continues to lay in mediation. Tommy goes down into a prayerful, "childs pose", folds his hands and presses them against his forehead. INT. BLACKOUT BLANES - BLANES ROOM - NIGHT John the Dude lets out the giggles. The door opens. Samantha enters. SAMANTHA John, Im sorry. Im just not attracted to you. I mean, youre thirty eight and working at a fucking amusement park. The boys all laugh at John. JOHN THE DUDE Dont pass out here tonight. SAMANTHA And why not? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 124. JOHN THE DUDE Things might get out of (BEAT) hand. John simulates jerking off with his right hand. SAMANTHA Fuck you. And fuck you guys, every time that story spreads, my hand feels raped all over again. Samantha exits. JOHN THE DUDE Spare me. (to the boys) Cherish these moments bros. Next thing you know youll be pushing forty, working a dead end job and GARFIELD Hitting on high school girls? JOHN THE DUDE Im serious man. Just savor the memories boyeees. Smoke fills the air, time passes. DUBLIN Remember during Shark Week when this savage tried to catch a shark by cutting his leg and running out in the ocean? SULLY I was chumming myself. DAVE You remember when Shriner was all coked up and kept launching cars off our deck onto JPs car and kept saying "Who is JP?"? GARFIELD Who is JP? You remember that night Dublin was ripping alumni shots and kept ramming his bike into the Tugos car? DUBLIN Nope. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 125. DAVE Yeah, the delivery driver was like "Hey Farkus, get the fuck off my car". Dublin stands up and imitates the Scott Farkus character from "A Christmas Story". DUBLIN Listen jerk, when I tell you to come, you better come. GARFIELD He has yellow eyes! The boys erupt it laughter so potent it hurts their stomaches. EXT. BLACKOUT BLANES - PORCH - NIGHT Pietro shakes the Natty Light case. Its empty. Mary whispers in Krooss ear and they enter the house. INT. JAIL - COMMISSIONERS OFFICE - NIGHT The Commish and a young officer look into Tommys cell. His room is a mess and hes laying down with his hands folded in prayer. The young officer waves his thumb up and down. After a careful pause, the Commish reluctantly puts his thumb up. EXT. 64TH STREET - NIGHT Tommy trashes his charging documents. A bus arrives. He holds up his bracelet. The bus drive shakes her head "no". He reaches in his pockets and has nothing. The bus driver shuts the door and continues south. Tommy starts walking fast then erupts into a sprint. INT. BLACKOUT BLANES - NIGHT PIETROS ROOM Mary takes a pull of Vodka, then straddles Kroos. KROOS Wait. I cant do this to Fish. MARY Hes in jail. He doesnt have to know. Just relax. Mary moves south on Kroos. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 126. KROOS Okay. BLANES ROOM The boys sit around and chat in a thick fog of smoke. DAVE Pulled a little civil disobedience. JOHN THE DUDE Righteous. GARFIELD No, not righteous. Thats his second arrest this week. JOHN THE DUDE Damn that joints a real buzzkill. Homeboy knows from experience if you dig. GARFIELD Yeah we know you did five to ten for statutory rape. JOHN THE DUDE Second degree assault, Curly. And maybe Im lookin to go back. John gives Garfield a hard stare. Everybody laughs at him. PIETROS ROOM Mary finishes the job and tries to put her shirt back on. Kroos grabs her. KROOS Wait. Wanna have sex? MARY I promised myself I wouldnt have sex with more than one guy this summer. KROOS Weak. MARY But I didnt promise myself much else. Mary throws Kroos back on the bed and begins to go down on him. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 127. KROOS Sweet. EXT. BLACKOUT BLANES - PORCH - NIGHT Jack smokes a cig and flirts with Samantha. JACK I dont mean to sound like a prophet or nothing but, there will be a girl in my bed, come the end of the night. Question you need to ask yourself is, "hmmmm, do I really wanna walk with a limp tomorrow?" SAMANTHA Wow and I thought John the Dude was creepy. Samantha exits. Tommy sprints up to the entrance. JACK Oh hey Romeo, escape from the Looney Bin already? Damn, that was quick. What happened to your bracelet? TOMMY Im here to have a shweet time with my boyeees. If you have any more insults, go ahead, hit me with em. But Im not fighting back, the wars over. JACK So you surrender? TOMMY Sure Jack. Tommy taps Jack on the shoulder. TOMMY You win. JACK Thats all I know how to do. (BEAT) Two faced bitch! INT. BLACKOUT BLANES - KITCHEN - NIGHT (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 128. Tommy searches the party for his friends. Lax bros and tennis hoes are omnipresent. Blanes bedroom door opens. Laughter and smoke pours out. Tommy walks toward the LIVING ROOM GARFIELD Holy shit. Whats up Gandhi? Tommy approaches holding up a peace sign. DAVE What are you doing here, Fish? TOMMY I miss my friends, I need to apologize and want to rage. DAVE You wanna apologize? GARFIELD For what? TOMMY Seriously? DAVE I dunno Fish, I feel like youve been blind to your dooshbaggery. TOMMY Dooshbaggery!?!? Riding the wave of my fate out with a sunlit smile, rolling with lucid insights, karate kicking the long arm of the law? Thats dooshbaggery? DAVE Yeah. TOMMY No it aint! But I am truly sorry for acting like I was above everybody else. GARFIELD You got butt fucked in jail. That brought you back down. TOMMY Metaphorically speaking. I realize Im different. I think big, I bathe (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 129. TOMMY (contd) in salt water, Im not afraid to rock a fanny pack and have never been laid. But that does not mean Im above anybody. Especially my friends. Were all one bros, were all one. GARFIELD Are we? Garfield holds up a half-full bottle of Alpenwolfe. Tommy signals it over, takes a big pull and begins howling. His friends follow suit. GARFIELD Nice to have you back, Fishy. Kroos exits Pietros bedroom howling. KROOS Fiiiish. Kroos turns around to see Mary walking out of the bedroom. MARY Tom hey, its not what it looks like. Tommy stares at Mary, dumfounded, as he takes another pull of Alpenwolfe. MARY Seriously, its not what it looks like. TOMMY If by it, you mean you. MARY Whaaaat? TOMMY Youre not what you look like. MARY What the fuck are you talking about Tom? TOMMY You really want me to do this in front of everybody? I kind of want to turn the other cheek on this (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 130. TOMMY (contd) one, but if you wanna keep pretending like youre an innocent little angel. MARY Yeah, Im actually very curious. How the fuck am I not what I look like? TOMMY Sorry, cant do it. My mom told me that if I didnt have anything nice to say, then I shouldnt say it. Therefore, I have nothing to say to you. Tommy takes another big swig of Alpenwolfe and passes it to Garfield. MARY Reeeer. Someones clearly on their period. A round of lols ensues. Mary grabs a cup of Jungle Juice and slays it. MARY Seriously, Tom. I wouldnt even falaish you for charity. TOMMY You come across as this innocent little lamb with your passion for sick kids and that crucifix round your neck. But really, underneath all the reassuring smiles and Young Life glow, youre a wolf! And all that other stuff is a disguise you use to appear innocent. MARY False. TOMMY Im honestly surprised you dont have fangs right now. MARY Whaaat? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 131. TOMMY Im honestly surprised you dont have fangs because youre a wolf and wolves have fangs. Especially dirty sneaky little wolves who rip out peoples hearts and slowly, slowly nibble on them as they read the Purpose Driven Life, one chapter a day for forty days, fuck you! Garfield passes Tommy the bottle, he takes another pull. The crowd watches in stone cold silence. MARY Tom, youre not being a good friend right now. TOMMY Speak for yourself their pal. Blowing Kroos, boning Jack all summer in secret. With friends like you, who needs friends? MARY Tom, nobodys perfect. TOMMY True, but only one person I know keeps pretending like they are. You got something on your lip. Mary checks but nothing is there. MARY Fine, I just gave Kroos some dome. And yeah, Jack and I were doin the wild thaaang all summer long. What are trying to tell me you dont wanna marry me anymore? TOMMY Thats exactly what Im saying. Tommy finishes off the bottle with a long pull. MARY (singing) Hakuna Matata, what a wonderful phrase. It means... (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 132. TOMMY I know exactly what it means and if youre implying that, because I just wrote you off Romantically, youll never have another worry for the rest of your days, Ill counter with spare me! MARY Well certainly not having a raving loony obsess over me is one less thing. TOMMY Well if its any consolation, youre the reason for that! MARY Really? Im the reason you lost your mind. Read a fucking science book, Tom. Youre bipolar. Manic-depressive. Youll have to take meds and be in the care of a physician for the rest of your life but the good news is, its treatable. TOMMY The wound you left when you ripped out my heart Kano style and filled it with my best friends man juice is certainly not treatable! MARY With God, all things are possible. TOMMY Youre really gonna play it like that. Not sure why I feel surprised. Well, in that case, I think you and Rev Kev need to have a long chat real soon. MARY Maybe we will and well even say a special prayer for the healing of the sick. TOMMY Yes. You and your pastor together, saying a special prayer, just for me. That would be sublime. Does he know youre a wolf or does he have wool over his eyes like I did? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 133. MARY My pastor, knows that I love God. Thats all that matters. TOMMY Only reason you love God, is because he created weiners! EXT. THE BEACH - NIGHT Two nude teenagers hold hands and dive into the Atlantic Ocean. Dave comes up from under the water and embraces Kara. They begin making out. The moon hangs low and full. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 1 - BATHROOM - NIGHT Mary looks herself in the mirror and cant stop crying. Kristi comes in to console her but Marys words are indecipherable and the waterworks continue. INT. BLACKOUT BLANES - BLANES ROOM - NIGHT Contagious laughter. Everyone is baked, Tommy sits at the center of a circle and imitates Krooss dad--owner of a thick Baltimore accent and lisp as well as Krooss sister. TOMMY (Frank voice) Alright well let me ask you question. Who the hells Erica? TOMMY (girl voice) Ugh, shes my friend from school. Anymore questions Barbara Walters? TOMMY (Frank voice) I wanna know my teenage daughters in safe hands, she acts like Im the bleepin CIA. Giggles ensue. TOMMY (Frank voice) No that is not all, young lady. If youre not home by 11, expect me to pay a visit to Ericas. TOMMY (girl voice) Ugh, Im almost a legal adult! (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 134. TOMMY (Frank voice) Therefore, youre still a minor. And as long as you live under my roof, you play by my rules. (BEAT) Capice? Roars of laughter ensue. LIVING ROOM Jack tries spitting some game to the few remaining tennis hoes. JACK You won the sweepstakes girl, congratulations. TENNIS HOE Of course I did. JACK You ready to collect your prize? TENNIS HOE Cladmydias not much of a prize, manwhore. 63, extremely ackward girl eyes up Jack. She is MIZ. EXT. THE BEACH - NIGHT Dave holds Karas hand as he gently makes sweet passionate love to her. Sweat beats down on their foreheads. BLANES ROOM Smoke fills the air. MOS laughter. Tommys the center of attention, theyre talking about the random kid. GARFIELD Seriously. Who is that kid? TOMMY Still have no idea but one night this chick was crying and he got down on bended knee. She was like what are you doing? Why are you kneeling? And hes like (in goofy random kid voice)Im always on bended knee when I see a damsel in distress." (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 135. Tommy makes a goofy giggle. More smoke fills the air, time passes. GARFIELD Saaby, cmon do Mr. Saaby. TOMMY Nah cant. BLACKOUT BLANE Do it. Seriously, do it. TOMMY We need a reader for tomorrows poetry reading. Everyone grins in anticipation as Tommy delivers a classic inside joke. TOMMY Grease, sorry partner, youre on the wrong flight. Grace, its amazing but its not the ticket. Everyone gets their giggles going. TOMMY Gross, do not pass go, do not collect a hundred dollars. Grass, thats what the doctor ordered. Tommy looks over at Blane, winks, surveys the room, then repeats. He then zeroes in on Blane, nods his head and points. TOMMY Blane Stevens! Everyone geeks out. KITCHEN Jack whispers in Samanthas ear. She dumps Jungle Juice on his head. Miz approches Jack. MIZ Hey big boy. JACK Cmon lurch. I aint that desperate. Jack takes off. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 136. LIVING ROOM Garfield, Dublin, Tommy, Sully, Blane enter laughing loud and hard. John the Dude appears to be passed out on a couch. GARFIELD I definitely could use some McDoogals right about now. DUBLIN Oh, you think theyre serving breakfast yet? Sully checks his watch. SULLY Yeah in like forty minutes. TOMMY You think Josephs working? GARFIELD Why dont you call him on his cell? DUBLIN We walking? BLACKOUT BLANE Nah, this waves mine. EXT. THE BEACH - NIGHT Dave and Karas love making rises in intensity. They both gravitate toward a climax. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 1 - KITCHEN - NIGHT Mary tries to drink out of a plastic handle of Vodka. Kristi smacks it out of her hands. Then, a knock on the door. EXT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 1 - PORCH - NIGHT Jack waits outside. Kristi opens up and shakes her head "no". Jack peers in. Kristi hands him a porno, "Take it to the Limit" and shuts the door in his face. EXT. MCDONALDS - NIGHT The boys approach McDonalds riding a fleet of souped up bicycles. INT. MCDONALDS - NIGHT COUNTER (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 137. Dubin lips "Joseph!" MOS. A round of high fives ensue. JOSEPH is the fit, 35 and Nigerian general manager. TABLE Tommy continues to do impressions, this time he improvises a rap in the voice of their realtor, Kem. A feast of McDoogals surrounds them. GARFIELD Can we have parties? TOMMY (Kem voice) Party, Party, Party, party? I mean you can have parties and stuff. And when a third diamond hits the river, you can go for the all-in bluff. You can throw knucklers like Hall of Famer, Charlie Hough. And drink beers like you Homer Simpson rock, rock rock in three cases of Duff. Giggles all around. TOMMY (Kem voice) But my advice to you, if you really wanna see the summer through, and have endless fun with your motley ass crew. Dont have no beer cans outside. GARFIELD Hes back! Joseph approaches with a tray full of breakfast food. JOSEPH Breakfast is served. The boys pull out some cash and try to give it to Joseph. JOSEPH No gentleman, its on the house. Joseph points to a cut out of Ronald McDonald. Lols ensue. EXT. THE BEACH - NIGHT Dave and Kara lay together with affection and deep intimacy. Little glimmers of light begin to appear on the horizon. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 138. INT. BLACKOUT BLANES - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT John the Dude gets up from the couch. He looks around and sees no one else is awake and Samantha is passed out on another couch with one hand raised high. Slowly he creeps up to her. BEGIN IMAGINATIVE SEQUENCE: An devilish John the Dude appears on his left shoulder. DEVIL JOHN Fates handing you a feast, eat it up handsome. John grabs Samanthas hand. An angelic John the Dude appears on his right shoulder. ANGEL JOHN Hands down, the worse decision of your life. DEVIL JOHN Shes a big girl she can handle it. ANGEL JOHN You use that hand to help yourself ejaculate, the Judge is gonna hand you (BEAT) fifteen to life. DEVIL JOHN When God gives you a handout, you take it! She wont know, shes not even conscious. ANGEL JOHN A little moral fiber would sure come in handy right now. DEVIL JOHN Ive gotta hand it to you, youre a pussy. John aggresively grabs her hand and puts it up to his genitalia. ANGEL JOHN Dont bite the hand that feeds you. She matures a little bit, starts to appreciate your unsung charm, breaks up with her boyfriend, youll have the upper hand. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 139. John drops her hand, pulls a joint from his ear and rolls out. EXT. ROBIN DRIVE - NIGHT John puffs on a joint and long boards down the street as the sun rises. EXT. THE BEACH - DAWN Dave and Kelly hold each other close and stare out into it the rising sun. INT. MCDONALDS - DAWN The boys exit McDonalds holding bags of food, drinks and slapping fives with Joseph. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 1 - MARYS ROOM - NIGHT Mary dials up her pastor. Shes still hysterical. REV KEV Yello. MARY (crying) Rev Kev, everybody like hates me and thinks I dont love Jesus and like doesnt understand and like-- REV KEV Mary, slow down. Take a deep breath. Have you been reading the Purpose Driven Life? MARY (crying) Yeah and everybodys like making funny of me for it and like using-- REV KEV Slow up. Can I ask a question? MARY Of course. REV KEV What day are you on? MARY Day 39. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 140. REV KEV Can I ask a favor? MARY Sure. REV KEV Go right ahead and do a little hop, skip and a jump to the fortieth day. MARY You sure I can do that? REV KEV Is Christ the only begotten son of the Father? Was Judas a traitor. Was Thomas a doubter? Mary turns to Day 40 and begins reading. Rev Kev continues to reel off questions. REV KEV Did Moses wander? Did Saul see the light on his way to Damascus? The text reads, "When God is not the center of your life, you worry." Mary takes it in, nods, then continues. "When God is the center of your life, you worship." She zeroes in on the passage several times, an angelic chorus rings in her ears. REV KEV (V.O) Mary. Yoo hoo, Mary Cooper. MARY Yes Rev Kev? REV KEV Feel better? MARY Its like Ive literally been born anew. Mary goes down on her knees, then folds her hands in prayer. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 2 - JACKS ROOM - DAWN Jack is passed out with a Philadelphia Eagle stuffed animal on his arm and "Take it to the Limit", a porno on his TV. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - KROOS & DAVES ROOM - DAWN (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 141. Kroos is passed out with his hand on Ritas boob and his camera blinking. EXT. COASTAL HIGHWAY - DAWN Tommy and Garfield ride bikes up the street. GARFIELD So youre good now? TOMMY My face hurts from laughing so much, Im great. GARFIELD So youre not thinking about trying to walk on water or anything like that? TOMMY Not anymore. Just thinking about sleeping till five tommorrow. And this movie idea. GARFIELD Ruitsport? TOMMY Nah, a little five act tragicomedy about a dude that keeps getting cockblocked and ends up losing his mind. GARFIELD And his roommate keeps most major tobacco companies in business. TOMMY And this weird, older guy always hangs out and creeps on chicks. GARFIELD And two of their friends fall madly in love. TOMMY And this one guy butt fucks half the city. Try to pitch it to your uncle when you move to Cali. GARFIELD I will. Could be a three run homer. My uncles a dickhead though and people probably wont get it. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 142. TOMMY Our generation will. EXT. THE BEACH - DAWN Kara lays on Daves chest and he gently strokes her hair. Waves crash with a breezy coolness and the sun shines comes up bright and with a magnifient luster. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 1 - MARYS ROOM - DAWN Mary bows her head and prays reverently. Her crucifix glistens in the light. EXT. COASTAL HIGHWAY - DAWN John the Dude longboards up the street holding a bag of groceries. INT. PINK PALACE - UNIT 3 - DAWN Tommy and Garfield enter. Garfield kills his soda Tommy is banging his ear off. TOMMY Dude our third eyes already 20/20 on the Omega and we havent even started writing the alpha. GARFIELD Okay. Garfield points to Tommys biscuit. TOMMY Dude, we get Will Ferrell to play John the Dude, were golden. GARFIELD Yeah, hes not busy. They enter TOMMYS & GARFIELDS ROOM TOMMY I definitely want to show that bright lights cast big shadows. GARFIELD Well talk more tommorrow. You gonna eat that? Garfield points to Tommys half-eaten sausage biscuit. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 143. TOMMY Oh. Tommy takes down the biscuit. TOMMY Uh-huh. Garfield puts on his sweats, Tommy plops on his bed. Garfield turns the AC up to the coolest temperature and full blast, then eases under his covers. GARFIELD Shweet dreams, Fish. Tommy is already in a deep, highly unconscious slumber with a huge smile on his face. MUSIS QUEUE: "PARTY UP" by DMX. A shot of the Pink Palace a just after sunrise flashes on the screen. Kara sits comfortably on Daves lap from the Omega chair. American and Maryland flags hang from the deck. TITLE: UP ALL FORTNIGHT A real picture of the bipolar virgin that inspired the Tommy character, wearing nothing but an Orioles Hat and diaper, flashes on the screen. SADLY, BASED ON A TRUE STORY. ROLL CREDITS.