The Sister Wife Syndrome

The newest malady sweeping the Nation By Beverly Slover

Copyrighted 2011

Introduction: As a Mother, Grandmother and now a great Grandmother I feel I have been witnessing far too many injustices with my tongue clenched firmly between my teeth. I have decided it is time to speak out and let the world know what is being viewed by women of a certain age along with other innocent spectators. The observations I have personally viewed are the culmination of these writings. I have made my observations and I have spoken out against certain behaviors as well as witnessed so much of this Malady I am certain it is of alarming dimensions in the Psycho-socio spectrum affecting society as a whole today. Perhaps these writings will aid in bringing this Malady to the forefront and assist in the behavior modification of females stricken with this particular syndrome. I am not a physician and I am certainly not a psychiatrist, however I am a darn good judge of Human behaviors especially after raising two generations and caring for a former generation. It is with absolutely NO malice that I write my observations. I am sincerely hoping to bring this large problem to the surface so that many women may get the help they most assuredly need. It is with great love and generosities I offer this book to society to either read and ponder or toss aside, because the content strikes so close to the home front. Do as you wish, you will anyway, so read on and God Bless.

Chapter 1,

The Sister Wife Syndrome Becomes in existence.

With the advent of the great HBO movies and series you have to recognize these plots are not just the foundation of some great thinkers dreams and imagination. You would have to acknowledge the existence of the very basis of most plots as being in fact real situations. My personal belief is that the producers were seeing the syndrome in more places than Utah and in more buildings than churches. My personal opinion is the producers deserve the credit of recognizing these behaviors and fitting them into the roles of which they are the least offensive to the American public and most acceptable. Certainly by now the American public realizes Sister Wives are in fact, not just a Television show but most assuredly a real life situation created by females who cannot accept their lost relationships. So exactly, how do these Sister wives come about? That answer is a complex combination of several factors. I will attempt to explain those factors and help the readers to see the various viewpoints of not only the onlooker, the former spouse or former lover and the Sister Wife herself. We will also look at how this affects children of the relationships, children not of the relationships and the enmeshing that occurs therefore the possibility of psychological and emotional harm to the children becomes a very real high risk situation. We will look at all these individual viewpoints and possibly we can draw our own conclusion, however I honestly feel my personal viewpoints are correct and I will stand by them as a mother and Grandmother.

Chapter 2, The Onlooker Viewpoint: The outsider who may or may not have known the parties in the syndrome may have a very hard time recognizing the difficult roles each member of this syndrome plays. The onlooker may at first draw some erroneous conclusions that these women are in fact related or one of them is actually still married to the man whom they all have in common. The fact is: the Sister Wives will NOT accept a new member of the group until her relationship with the man in common has ended. At the point of the relationship ending this woman will be approached with the extended olive branch if you will and befriended by the group. The New Member will be given consolation and comfort and many, many comparisons of the exact behavior the New Member might have experienced with the Bastard. At this point the woman, who just came out of the bad relationship with the man who obviously is just a real Son of a Bitch, is extremely vulnerable and her mind is ripe for the brainwashing she will receive with all the wrong information to hinder her self esteem and grieving process. As we all know any person who ends a relationship must in fact go through her own grieving process, it is a loss and she must grieve that loss so she can heal and forgive and go forward. Ahhh, but that is where the Sister Wives swoop in and keep this transformation of healing, from taking place. If in fact one of them were to heal, there would be no Comradery, no group effort to preserve the misery and thereby preserve the hateful evil image of the ex male who was involved. The onlooker may see this group of females stirring the proverbial Cauldron of Castration as an evil group of women, when the fact is they are just a very pathetic group of females who are stuck in that old relationship and cannot move on. They are not evil, they are not even mean. They are just fighting back against the pain of losing, the only way they know how. These groups of women lack a great deal of coping skills and they cannot fix themselves with an empty toolbox. You almost have to pity them rather than be angered by their inadequate attempts to be victorious in their failed relationships. They have never learned that failed relationships are caused by two people and sometimes it is just not a good fit and really nooness fault. So, to the onlooker they will appear to either be really mentally impaired or just so pathetic and pitiful, you feel so badly for them. Now, lets take a look at the former male counterpart.

Chapter 3: The male Counterpart to the Sister Wives. The Time has come to introduce the male who is being consistently Castrated by this lovely group of Sister Wives. When I say Castrated I do mean this in the proverbial sense. Not that the Sister wives would not like to do the job physically but there is always that element of once it is done, it is in fact done. So, they much prefer their cauldron stirring method because it allows them to do the dirty deed repeatedly The male counterpart in all of this mess although he is depicted as quite the scoundrel, and the mean heavily bearded Doctor Dastardly if you will, is actually just an average man, working for an average living, trying to be the average dad on any given average day. He is in a state of confusion along with the onlookers in this equation, simply because he never sees it coming. Yes, folks these women group up and have clandestine meetings to work their worst on this poor hapless chap. They devise ways to make his life a living hell. We mean that in the truest sense. They will lie to courts, they will cheat on taxes, they will lie to their employers, they will move and leave no forwarding address for the children to be found, they will teach his children that no matter what mommy does that is so horrible, it is their daddys fault Shall we say parental alienation? I think it qualifies. These women will stop at nothing; I do mean nothing, to cause the man problems. They are not afraid of breaking the laws, they are not afraid of getting venereal diseases by screwing everything in town (remember, that is daddys fault?) They have absolutely no morals and will charge a man to baby sit with his own child. They think Child support means vanity support for the mother. Some will even pimp their own daughters out, they will take from their children, they will lie, lie and lie some more. Is it any wonder they form their own bonds? These women have no Morals, no ethics, no values, no standards and absolutely no idea of why this man did not want to be in a relationship with them. (Now there is a no brainer that should cause them to lie awake at night.) The poor male just keeps working, and paying and trying to be in his childs or childrens lives and tries to go on about his business. He is not evil, he does not have time to sit and think of ways to hurt a women, he just keeps on keeping on, and for this he is labeled a no good Bastard. They claim he does not care. (I love that one) Here is a clue; why would he? Why should he? Hello, they call it an EX for a reason. As in no longer exists? Ex wives are no longer wives. Ex girlfriends are no longer girl friends, so they in fact are EXES. Their status has ceased to exist. It appears the males in these amazing messes are much healthier both psychologically and emotionally because they can recognize that the relationship is over! Amazing!!!

Chapter 4; The Sister Wives and Their Viewpoints; Now we shall attempt to get to the real meaning of Sister Wives. This phenomenon is amazing in and of itself. How does this come about? How do these group of women become Sister Wives? Now this man could have been in other marriages or relationships and those women moved on as he did. Depending on how healthy those individuals were. Lets start with the very first Sister wife. The man is in a relationship with a woman and they either do or dont get married, whichever is the case as marriage is not a requirement since it exists in the womans psyche anyway. This relationship either bears children or not. This relationship fails for whatever reason and they part. The woman is vicious and she starts contacting the mans other exes. This woman cannot let go of this relationship and this man. She is obsessed with him and must remain in his life in some shape or form no matter how dysfunctional that position is. She will tell herself she is important in his life and she comes first. (Can we say a wee bit Narcissistic?) She is either successful or fails and in some cases succeeds with one and fails with another or any combination thereof. She strikes up a friendship with the ex who does respond and they compare notes. Meanwhile the man has moved on and may be dating someone new. This new woman will become the target of hate, deceit, lies, arguments and whatever malice that can be mustered by the first Sister wife. The new relationship does not have a chance of a snowball in hell, because the first Sister Wife is on a crusade to make sure it fails. The hatred and fighting will continue until this new lady who may have become his girlfriend or new wife cannot stand it any longer and leaves the relationship. Now, the first Sister Wife has an accomplice! She immediately makes contact, offers solace and sympathy while the woman is still licking her wounds and moves in to acquire a new soldier for her army. It never occurs to this new woman to ask herself, Why would I want to be friends with someone who made my life a living hell? Why is this woman acting like she is my friend, now? Why would you want to be friends with someone who was so rude and hateful? How can you possibly think you can seek solace and sympathy from the very source that caused your misery in the first place? I have to say if I was coming out of a relationship, the very last thing I would want to do is compare wounds with his other exes.

Honestly, I would think a failed relationship would have enough pain without purposely inflicting external pain from another ex. I would think a woman would be able to see all the intentional bullshit the ex pulls and would want no more of that drama. The relationship is over so the drama ends, move on cupcake, it is done!! But oh noooo. The second Sister Wife is reborn! She emerges with her new horns and Badge of bullshit to show she belongs to the elite Sister Wives. Now we have two. And in a few more years there will be three and maybe if their lucky four. It gets easier to recruit when you have more numbers to do the dirty work. Why would women do this? You ask if they are in it for revenge. Nope, there is no revenge, at least not on the part of the latter members anyhow. The first Sister Wife is so rolled up in the Ill show him state of mind, we are not certain if it is revenge or just plain mental impairment. There are mentally impaired individuals who do function somewhat. Unfortunately most men do not know how to recognize these basket cases until they realize something is terribly wrong for a very long time. I have even heard of stories where the first Sister Wife would make this statement to subsequent partners of the man . I am the mother of his kid(s) and I will be in his life as long as they are so get use to it. Now I ask, what kind of statement is that? If that does not tell the new partner there is a psycho lose, then nothing will! They should answer her with; No ma am, his children will always be a part of his life, you on the other hand had your shot, it is over and so are you. Women need to assert themselves when dealing with those less fortunate then themselves especially when they are your new partners ex. Lets look at what these woman get out of being Sister Wives. First of all believe it or not they do form somewhat of a bond. They have a bond in the perceived mistreatment from the male counterpart. They have all suffered the same indignities, wrong doings, cheatings, lies etc. so that makes them the good girls who did not deserve it and the male the bad guy. Because after all he did the same things to so many of them it cant be them, right? Wrong Maybe just maybe they all reacted and behaved the very same way when the evil number one Sister Wife pulled her crap and he had the same reaction time after time. Yes, women can manipulate other women, especially when the woman being manipulated is so vulnerable. Why? Because women are rather dumb creatures to start with. They trust OTHER women! Now that is what I would do, trust the broad that made my marriage hell! That makes me incredibly smart, Right!!

The next thing they get out of being Sister Wives is that they still have this common ground of this male. No, they dont have him in a sense of reality but, they do have him in a twisted sense. They are still part of his life and he is still part of theirs, albeit a very sick twisted way to have any kind of association but never the less they still have one. And, there is a bonus! They have each other! That is right they have a one big happy family situation going on now, because they do in fact have a marriage of sorts, to each other! This relationship is forever! Wow, if only they could have that type of commitment with a male huh? They are all family and no matter what they will be there for each other. It is a till death do us part commitment! The same type of commitment they wanted with the male counterpart and could not have, they now have with the other Sister Wives. Sic? Yes. Twisted? Most likely, But, then this is a substitution for the man they could not have. In their minds they still have him. These Sister Wives have devised their very own dysfunctional remedy for failed relationships. It gets even better. They move on to new relationships, supposedly. However sadly, these new relationships never really seem to work out for them. Could it be because they are always tied up in what is going on in the males life now? Or could it be because they want to be best friends with the male counterpart? Or are they still in love with the male counterpart? How can they possibly know? They have never done their necessary grieving over the relationship. They just substituted it with the Sister Wives. So sad yet, so true. These women are not really evil, these women are hurting, throbbing, aching individuals who just dont know how to fix themselves. Remember the empty toolbox? They would all benefit with some good counseling and perhaps their children could be saved. Lets talk about those children, shall we?

Chapter 5; The Children, his, hers and everyone elses.

The children are the real victims and survivors of this entire Sister Wife Syndrome. What they do to their children is not only criminal it is so sic, no one should ever condemn Hitler in comparison as to Sister Wives. ( Can you tell how strongly I feel about this?) As these women acquire their new marriages to other Sister Wives they also acquire new children and their own children acquire new siblings. Some are actually offspring of the male counterpart and some are not, some are offspring of previous relationships of these women. I have seen some of these children state that another child was his brother and in fact there was not even a remote chance of that being a possibility. So now all these children are sisters and brothers whether they were only step siblings or they were in fact half siblings. Now I know many people do not believe in step or half as it may be, but that can be a very significant problem to the children as they become adults. What is a child matures into adulthood and discovers he in fact is a carrier of a disease that was in his family say Diabetes for an example. This child does not know if Mom, dad, one of his other moms, or brothers or sisters or who had this disease. If in fact this child needed say a kidney, how would he know who in fact was his blood sister or brother or cousin or aunt or uncle etc. That is just a medical perspective. What if this child wanted to marry and the person was related to one of his moms or siblings? How would they know who was who? Mothers need to let their half siblings have relationships with their Fathers families and their mothers families. But they all need to know they came from only ONE family of Origin. They need to know they had a mom and dad who loved each other and consequently they were born of that love and both parents loved them. That was their very own little family of origin. For healthy psyches we must preserve that for our children. Yes, dad may have had two or three or even four or five families but each and every one was unique and different and original unto itself. They were a part of something very special even if it was only for a short time, it still existed as those children do today. What are these mothers hoping to accomplish by alienating these children from their Fathers? Why would you poison your own child? What kind of monster impedes a childs ability to love their other parent? Do they not realize that children perceive their own existence by what their parents are? No matter their ages, 5 years, 15 years 25 years 40 years , they still need to know they are o.k. and when we become a parent we accept the job of making sure they always know

that. It does not stop. We do not stop being parents at our childs 18th birthday or 21st or 50th for that matter. We are parents until the day we die. Here is where I would love to boil all these Sister wives in oil. Yes, on this subject matter I do have malice. Once again , why would you poison your own child? Why would you rob your own child of having a wonderful relationship with their other parent? What if you drop dead? Who will they have then? What in gods name could any of these women possibly be thinking? If that is not the epitome of selfishness then there is none. The children of these Sister Wives suffer the most. These women are hurting innocents and they think they are just hurting the males. Maybe that is intentional. Perhaps they know that by hurting the children they are hurting the men. If so , may God have mercy on their souls. I have seen these very same women make statements that they love their children mire than anything. Yet these same women will spend money on themselves and not their children, whether it is Christmas or birthdays or whatever and force the child to share their leftover remnants of their own celebrations, without a thought to the damage they do to their young minds and emotions. To those women I say Shame on you! There is a God in heaven and sooner or later he will see that what comes around does go around. These children grow up so confused they themselves enter toxic relationships or get pregnant at only 15 or 16 , or run away from home or what ever because that list is endless with possibilities. These mothers will still blame the men. Remember, it is Daddys fault? The Battle Cry of the Sister wives!

Prologue: This book was a long tome coming because I observed these behaviors unfolding for several years. I believe these observations are correct and I stand by my convictions. I hope tone day see a study of this behavior performed in a clinical setting. Once again it is without malice that write this e book but with love and hope of awateness for these women.