GLEE

"Standards" ACT TWO

Robert Forman

11.

INT. HALLWAY - DAY Mercedes leans against a locker, eyes closed, trying to control herself, to keep her forming tears from falling. Kurt tentatively approaches her. Mercedes? KURT

MERCEDES Im okay, Kurt. KURT Uh-huh, and Im Doris Day. He sidles up next to her, leans against the lockers. She leans her head on his shoulder and he leans his on her head. KURT (CONTD) I was miserable last year. The only out gay kid in school. Ive been around when it seemed like everyone else was having relationships and love and romance and... blech. I know lonely and youve got it, babe. Youve got it bad. Santanas song just pushed you over the edge. Mercedes waits a beat before turning to face him. MERCEDES You were my last real crush, Kurt. And, believe me, Im glad you found Blaine, please dont think Id ever wish away your happiness, but it was easier... at least I had you to help me through. (then) God, I sound so selfish. KURT You did just pull a Berry in the choir room. Im sure all the other symptoms of Rachel-itis will pass. Give it time. She looks up at the ceiling, cracking a slight smile. KURT (CONTD) Speaking of the Annoying One, shes forced me into singing a duet this week. MERCEDES You wanted to do it with Blaine --

GLEE

"Standards"

Robert Forman

12.

KURT -- hell understand if you and I -MERCEDES -- of course you should sing with him. KURT (sensitive, but flippant) I dont want to... shove it in your face. MERCEDES If you dont, I will hunt the two of you down and force you to serenade me. KURT A duet with Blaine it is. (then) Not that Im a Yente-level matchmaker, but how about you give me another shot at setting you up on a few dates? MERCEDES When did you do that? KURT Forget it. Or, forget it again, since you clearly already had... and far be it from me to enforce any degree of continuity on anyone, right? As the SCHOOL BELL RINGS and students flood the hall... INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY Rachel stands by a piano on the stage as Finn enters through the doors. He walks up the aisle, between the seats. Rachel? FINN Whats up? RACHEL You came.

Oh, good.

FINN Well, you called, so... She nods, a half-smile. He climbs up onto the stage.

RACHEL Its just... Mercedes crying about being alone made me reflect on my situation and I realized that, even if Mr. Schue hadnt assigned me a duet, I didnt want to sing just another solo, anyway.

GLEE

"Standards"

Robert Forman

13.

FINN Thats what you took from this? RACHEL I want to perform a duet with you. FINN You want to... sing. With me.

RACHEL Youre still our best lead male vocalist. I know Blaines been getting some solos since he joined, but, honestly, thats half because hes a far better dancer than you are and half because Mr. Schue wants to make sure he feels welcome. Thanks. FINN I think.

RACHEL Anyway, the assignment of the week is to get back to basics with Standards and I thought... whats more classic New Directions than a Rachel and Finn duet? He scratches his head. FINN I guess you have a point. RACHEL So, youll do it? Yay!

She CLAPS, giddy, then pulls sheet music out of her bag and hands him a copy. Its All the Way, a 1957 Frank Sinatra love song that Celine Dion turned into a duet. Finn does a quick scan through the lyrics, processing it... No. FINN Just... no. Whats wrong?

RACHEL Its a beautiful song.

He shakes his head, backing away from Rachel, letting the sheet music fall to the floor. FINN You want to sing with me, but you dont want to date me. And I just... I cant. He walks away, leaving Rachel alone on the stage, pouting, not sure what to do next.

GLEE

"Standards"

Robert Forman

14.

INT. KURTS BEDROOM - NIGHT Finn lays on the couch in Kurts haute decor basement bedroom (theyre stepbrothers), a Spanish textbook open. Kurt also has a textbook, but lays on his bed not looking at it. KURT (en Espaol) La puta de Lima Heights Adjacent est tan loca como Demi Lovato. KURT (English translation) The bitch from Lima Heights Adjacent is as crazy as Demi Lovato.

Finn scans the textbook... a blank look. FINN I... dont see that in here. KURT Just say it, itll be funny. FINN Cmon, youre supposed to be helping me. KURT Alright, well go back to the prepared material, but regurgitating information like some common bulimic isnt going to help you actually learn it. He picks the textbook up, scans. KURT Digame sobre su primera vez. Finn sits up, looks at Kurt. FINN Dude, seriously? KURT Its in the book. FINN Shouldnt you be talking with Burt about... yknow, this stuff? Kurt gives Finn a sly, deadpan stare. KURT Dads busy yelling at the satellite provider. And we have, unfortunately, already had the talk about the birds and the birds or the bees and the bees -A question catches his eye. KURT Tell me about your first time.

GLEE

"Standards"

Robert Forman

15.

FINN -- I never knew which was which, either. Do you really want to talk about this? Kurt hesitates, then nods. FINN (CONTD) Itll be different with you and Blaine than it was with me and Santana. KURT Obviously. No Miss Kitty Fantastico or a corn-fed she-demon with plastic ta-tas. FINN I mean... itll mean something. With us, with her anyway, it meant nothing. And that, well, that totally sucked. (then) Are you and Blaine... I mean... KURT Do you really want to talk about this? FINN (emphasis, like an accent)

No.

He gets off the couch, heads for the stairs up to the house. KURT You answered en espaol, good for you! INT. BREADSTIX RESTAURANT - NIGHT Glees Olive Garden knockoff. Mercedes sits at a table for two, a disapproving attitude all over her face, looking at SCOTT COOPER, the mullet-coiffed captain of the hockey team. MERCEDES Oh, hell... INT. LIMA BEAN COFFEE SHOP - DAY Mercedes sits in front of BRETT, a redhead in Kurts English class of whom he once complained, you smell homeless. ... to... MERCEDES (O.S.) (CONTD)

INT. BREADSTIX RESTAURANT - NIGHT Mercedes, arms folded, sits with JACOB BEN ISRAEL, McKinley Highs gossip blogger. Nerdy, glasses, a giant jewfro.

GLEE

"Standards"

Robert Forman

16.

... the...

MERCEDES (O.S.) (CONTD)

EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY AN AERIAL SHOT of Puck, with an assist from a FOOTBALL JOCK, tossing Jacob into the open dumpster in the parking lot. ... no. MERCEDES (O.S.) (CONTD)

Jacob MOANS as he sinks into the trash heap. Why...? JACOB

PUCK Cocoa Krispies dumped you. Now I dumped you, too. Besides, your nebbish ass is an embarrassment to my Hebraic homies. He starts to walk away as Jacob struggles to climb out of the garbage, hooking one arm over the edge of the dumpster. An audio recorder in hand, he clicks a button to record: JACOB Word down the hallways is youre whipped. Care to comment? Puck stops, turns around, furious. As Jacobs head emerges over the trash, Puck pushes him back into the dumpster A smirk emerges and he looses a SATISFIED AAAAAAH. He sees Lauren across the parking lot and heads over to her. In the background, BECKY JACKSON, a short, bespectacled blonde with Down syndrome, and the Head Cheerio, is walking. A HUGE SUV barrels down the parking lot, not slowing down... at Becky! At the last moment, Mike PULLS HER FROM ITS PATH. Puck reaches Lauren, the SUV speeding by him, unnoticed. LAUREN I saw what you did to Ben Israel. Puck lowers his head, sheepish. A puppy dog pout.

LAUREN (CONTD) Youre such a bad boy, Puckerman. It really gets the goat my father bought for two zuzim. In a good way. PUCK My parents are gonna love you at break the fast.

GLEE

"Standards"

Robert Forman

17.

She SLAPS HIM ON THE ASS. Hard. After an initial, pained reaction, Pucks face relaxes in euphoria. He enjoyed it. Hey! PUCK Not in public... peoplere talking.

LAUREN You dont make the rules. Ill do what I want with you, where I want with you. She caresses the underside of his chin with her index finger, then walks away. Puck practically scampers after her. INT. BREADSTIX RESTAURANT - NIGHT Kurt and Blaine wait near the HOSTESS with Mercedes. KURT Okay, so, the first batch of suitors were definitely duds. Warm up exercises, really. And, I admit, the pickings are kind of slim, but... I thought, maybe, wed audition one of the single laddies in New Directions for the role of your paramour. Starting with Sam. MERCEDES Kurt, I dont know... BLAINE Cmon, Mercedes. Give him a shot. MERCEDES Were incestuous enough as it is and these relationships always seem to blow up moments before major competitions. I dont want to cause any drama. She starts to walk away. Kurt jumps in her way.

KURT You two were trs chic dancing at prom. And his new hair totally distracts from the whole, unfortunate trouty mouth thing. You can barely see his lips. SAM (O.S.) And... that is exactly why I spent my summer of food stamps on hair dye. Sam is in the doorway. Ill go. Blaine grimaces at the bad timing.

SAM (CONTD)

GLEE

"Standards"

Robert Forman

18.

Wait.

MERCEDES Dont.

Sam stops, looks at her. She wants him to stay. Off Kurt, a jovial smile, fingers clapping rapidly in front of his face. EXT. BREADSTIX RESTAURANT - LATER Blaine holds the door open and Kurt walks through, exiting the restaurant, a grateful nod of the head. They walk. BLAINE It took a couple tries, but youre a regular Cher Horowitz. Be honest. KURT At best, it went okay.

BLAINE So there werent fireworks... so what? You and I were just friends at first. KURT I saw fireworks the moment I laid eyes on you. It was your clueless self that had no idea how hard I was crushing. BLAINE Im just saying... getting beyond friends can be weird when thats how you start. But it can happen. It does. When I look at you now, all I see is sparklers. Swoon. Blaine kisses Kurt, on the lips. A long, passionate kiss. Its enough to make Kurts knees buckle. They slowly pull out of the kiss, eyes locked. Hey, you. BLAINE (CONTD)

Kurt brushes his own bang away with his right hand. He walks ahead of Blaine a few steps as THE OPENING, STRINGFILLED ORCHESTRATION of If I Were a Bell from Frank Loessers musical Guys and Dolls FLUTTERS UP. Kurt then turns back, beaming. He grabs Blaines hand.

KURT Ask me how do I feel / Ask me now that we're cosy and clinging / Kurt leads Blaine out of frame...

GLEE EXT. CITY PARK - NIGHT

"Standards"

Robert Forman

19.

Soft, romantic lighting. Kurt and Blaine walk, hand in hand. AN UNACKNOWLEDGED STRING QUARTET busking in the background. KURT Well, sir, all I can say / Is if I were a bell, I'd be ringing! / A TRUMPETER joins the string quartet and, suddenly, theres an uptempo energy in the song. Kurt coyly jumps in front of Blaine, backing away, beckoning with the music, towards the one unlit lamp in the park. KURT (CONTD) From the moment we kissed tonight / That's the way I've just gotta behave / One hand on the lamppost, Kurt twirls around it as: KURT (CONTD) Boy, if I were a lamp I'd light / (it does) And if I were a banner I'd wave! / Blaine slowly saunters up to Kurt and begins to sing a swinging, but decided slower tempo, song: Frank Sinatras 1956 take on Ive Got You Under My Skin. BLAINE I've got you under my skin / I've got you deep in the heart of me / He grabs Kurts hands. They begin swing dancing in the park.

BLAINE (CONTD) So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me / I've got you under my skin / As Blaine spins Kurt... INT. CHOIR ROOM - FLASHBACK - DAY Kurt continues to spin and Blaine catches him. Theyre wearing the same clothes as in the park... this is a performance in front of the Glee club from earlier in the day. Mercedes is smiling, dewy-eyed. KURT Ask me how do I feel / Little me, with my quiet upbringing /

GLEE

"Standards"

Robert Forman

20.

Blaine, hamming it up, raises an eyebrow as he gestures with his thumb at Kurt, eliciting LAUGHTER. They resume swinging. Nothing fancy, no lifts or dips or anything like that. KURT (CONTD) Well, sir, all I can say / Is if were a gate, I'd be swinging! / And if I were a watch I'd start / Popping my springs! / On Puck, reacting with a raised eyebrow of his own. Some uncomfortable fidgeting. Even Will looks a little cock-eyed, not sure that he approves. Santana and Brittany hold hands. KURT (CONTD) Or if I were a bell, Id go / Ding, dong, ding, dong, ding! / They separate. Blaine stands to one side, snapping.

BLAINE I'd tried so not to give in / I said to myself, "This affair never will go so well" / EXT. CITY PARK - NIGHT (RESUME) Blaine, as in the choir room, standing apart from Kurt. gives a goofy shrug, then shuffles towards Kurt. BLAINE (CONTD) But why should I try to resist when, baby, I know so well / I've got you under my skin / Their swing dance continues, Blaine spinning Kurt around, and holding Kurts back to his chest as Kurt sings. KURT Ask me how do I feel / From this chemistry lesson I'm learning / Well, sir, all I can say / Is if I were a bridge, I'd be burning! / They break out from the intimate moment. Kurts evident enthusiasm shines through his eager delivery. KURT (CONTD) Yes, I knew my morale would crack / From the wonderful way that you looked! / Boy, if I were a duck I'd quack! / Or if I were a goose I'd be cooked! / A pained, reticent look falls over Blaines face. He

GLEE

"Standards"

Robert Forman

21.

He turns from Kurt, as if not sure he wants this to continue. BLAINE Id sacrifice anything come what might / For the sake of havin' you near / In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night / And repeats, repeats in my ear / Kurt taps Blaines shoulder and Blaine reluctantly faces him. BLAINE (CONTD) "Don't you know, little fool / You never can win? / Kurt puts his arms over and around Blaines shoulders and Blaines hands go to the small of Kurts back. They sway back and forth, close, in time, singing over each other. KURT Ask me how do I feel / Ask me now that were fondly caressing / Well, if I were a salad / I know Id be splashing my dressing / Ask me how to describe this whole / Beautiful thing / Well, if I were a bell, Id go / Ding, dong, ding, dong -- / BLAINE Use your mentality / Wake up to reality / But each time that I do / Just the thought of you makes me stop / Before I begin cause Ive got you / Under my skin / Yes, Ive got you / Under my -- /

The lyrics abruptly cut off mid-line, though the music seems to echo, reverberating to the very soul as we-SMASH TO: INT. KURTS BEDROOM - NIGHT Kurt and Blaine in bed. Blaine is asleep on his strategically draped so wearing underwear. His Kurt with a satisfied stomach, no shirt, the sheets we see nothing but know hes not serene, slumbering face is towards POST-COITAL - smile spread over it.

On Kurt, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling, clutching the sheets close, his shoulders bare, presumably the rest of his body is bare, too. Hes trembling and we... END OF ACT TWO