Bloom S. Burg Dr.

Sherry TCSS CUFF Assignment December 15, 2010 When I began grading the Formal Journal Entries, I quickly found how caught up a teacher might get in small insignificant mistakes. After reading several through without grading them, I began to get to the larger ideas and really focus on what my students were trying to get across to their readers. Generally, I think the grades I assigned were fair. Several students, had similar errors, therefore I did not penalize anyone for those mistakes, and in a real classroom setting, I might then include workshops or lessons to help clear up some of these issues. On the same line of thought, many students missed whole parts of the original promptbut still have excelled papers. Again, instead of penalizing these students, I probably would have changed the rubric to align more with the assignment. Or, I might have allowed all of the students to look over their papers and hand in a new draft after going over the requirements again. On several students papers (those that scored in the low Bs and Cs) I said that they could resubmit their assignments, if they wanted too. I think this is a good practice to have. It allows students to feel more in control of their grades. As long as my students have to desire to try and try againI want to help them grow in any way that I can. Plus, as I recently found outI really love reading students work. The grading scale that I chose was fairly simple. All 12 points was an A, a 11.510.5 was an A-, 10.5-9.5 was a B+, 9.5-8.5 was a B, 8.5-7.5 was a B-, 7.5-6.5 was a C+, 6.5-6 was a C, 6-5.5 was a C-, 5.5-4 was a C, a 4 was a C-, and a 3.5 was a D+.
Comment [3]: Admirableafter all, this is really the purpose of our feedback on student writing: to help them improve J Comment [4]: Wow! A rare comment J (I secretly do, too, even during weeks like this, when Im doing it from 5am to 11pm!) Comment [2]: Very ethical J Can you specify? What were some of the common errors or cracks in the assignment? Comment [1]: Bloom, what a great strategy! Glad you were able to do this, both for your sake and your students J

As I mentioned, any student that received a grade lower than a B, was allowed to resubmit their paper for a higher grade. For each paper, I graded the students writing according to the rubric. I found this tool extremely helpful and I definitely plan on using them when I grade assignments in my own classroom. However, as I also mentioned, this particular rubric did not completely match up with the assignment given. That being said, the most important thing that I looked for in the students writing was the evidence they used to support their interpretation. Unfortunately, because of how the rubric was set upreadability and organization also had an equal pull in the grading process. Lets be honestI loved every minute of this assignment. I had a really good time reading my peers papers and I definitely found grading to be more fun than I anticipated. Overall, I thought I was able to stay on task, give meaningful suggestions, and also push my students to make their writing better without destroying their grades in the process. It was really interesting to be on the grading side of things for once, it was definitely more time consuming than I had anticipated. Probably the best part of this assignment though, was that it really confirmed for me, that Im going into the right profession.
Comment [7]: So glad to hear this! J Why? What was gratifying about it? Comment [5]: So would you give less weight to those in your own classroom? Some teachers argue that this should be the case; and some give more or less weight to the same rubric categories across different assignments (e.g., next time, you might focus more on organization). Comment [6]: J

#1 In reading The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald the character which I chose to analyze was Jay Gatsby, or should I say Jimmy Gatz. When composing my group presentation we made a variety of different decisions themed around Gatsbys view of success and progression of change throughout the novel. For example, we chose to pair Gatsby with the color green because he believed that life was all about how much money you had rather than the people you had in it. We also chose green because he was envious of Tom and Daisys relationship, wishing he too could have had her in his life. We chose the quotes to show how shady Gatsby was as a character and how society viewed him as a mysterious and elite figure. Most importantly we chose our last quote when Gatsbys father is speaking to Nick because it showed how much of a liar Gatsby actually was. Throughout the entire novel Gatsby referred to himself as Jay Gatsby, however it is revealed by his father that his actual name was Jimmy Gatz. Lastly, we chose the song If I had a Million Dollars, by Bare Naked Ladies to represent all the things that Gatsby would have done for Daisy if she gave him the opportunity. Gatsbys journey and progression of change throughout the novel was highly influenced by his desire for Daisy. In chapter 4 we learn that Gatsby moved to East Egg to be directly across the bay from her, It was a strange coincidence, I said But it wasnt a coincidence at all. Why not? Gatsby bought that house so that Daisy would be just across the bay (p. ). After learning this information we know that Gatsbys purpose in life is to win Daisy back. In the end of the novel after Gatsby has passed away Nick tries to get Daisy to come and mourn the loss of her lover, I called up Daisy
Comment [14]: Does this section fit here? I think you can go into more detail about why you chose this quotation (and the other three) in a separate paragraph. Maybe a closing sentence on the importance of green would be better in this spot. Same goes for the song choice. This should have its own paragraph as well. Comment [15]: This is a great point, and I think youre right on! Comment [16]: Why great? CLARITY Comment [17]: Inserting quotations can be tricky! Sometimes even I need to look up the rules. Maybe I should go over this better in class? In the mean time, there are some MLA formatting books on the book case that might help you fix this part of your paper up. Good try though! Also, you did a great job Inserting and Interpreting, but your introduction needs to say whos speaking as well. Dont forget the Introduction. Comment [18]: I like that you point students toward strategies rather than just fixes J and that you blend praise and criticism (CARING AND CHALLENGING) J I often use this strategy of criticizing my own process/product to soften the blow. Comment [13]: Im really glad that your group choose this song! I think its a really great match for Gatsbys character! Id buy your love Comment [12]: These were really great examples for choosing green!

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Comment [8]: This is a really great introduction to your character, just a little formatting issue to watch out for with book titles (they need to be underlined). Comment [9]: This was the whole point! I really like how you say it directly to your reader, great job! Comment [10]: I always thought of Gatsby as blueIm really glad your group choose to explore this option because I learned something new too. Comment [11]: I like your use of the stars, and that youre willing to tell students you learned from them! J CARING

half an hour after we found him, called her instinctively and without hesitation. But she and Tom had gone away early that afternoon, and taken baggage with them (p.). The fact that Daisy never called, stopped by, or attending the burial service of Gatsby shows that she has to leave her relationship and love for him in the past. Although I do believe at one time Daisy did have passion for Gatsby, it was too much of a risk for her to relive that love now. Therefore, Gatsby died because his view of success was not about friendships, love, or family, he believed that money, power, and lust were the key to happiness but in fact they were the recipe for failure.
Comment [19]: This is a great quote, but what does it show about Gatsby? Maybe if you explained it more I might understand, but I think this tells a lot more about Daisy, dont you? Comment [20]: -s Comment [21]: This is a great ending! (Or beginning?) I think you had a lot of great ideas, they just need more explaination. Nice job, #1. Comment [22]: Using the student name in your feedback J CARING

Criteria Organization Evidence Readability

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X X

Grade: 10/12=B Comments: #1, you did a really great job supporting your choices for color, song, and explaining Gatsbys progression. One thing you that need to work on is your proofreading and some minor formatting issues. Also, the ideas that you expressed were really goodbut you need to think about how you want to organize your thoughts so that your readers can follow your train of thought. You have a great start here, keep up the good work!
Comment [23]: Very smart to insert the rubric here: provides the CLARITY of the scale and brings it closer to the actual paper so that students are more likely to read it! J Like that you begin and end with specific praise CARING J

#2 Group Explanation: The Nick Carraway Group chose to use a PowerPoint presentation for their medium rather than other options, because collectively we felt it was the easiest way to put our ideas together in a cohesive, organized, and easy to understand way. It was very important to all of us to have a clean look to our presentation, and also have it so everyone could easily follow along. It was also easier for us as a group to work together using PowerPoint, because it was accessible to us through our class wiki, while a poster or other medium would have made it more difficult for everyone to have a part in the preparation. The image that the Nick Carraway Group chose was really interesting. We stumbled upon it by Googling watching and an image of a man looking in binoculars turned up in the search results. On the lens of the binoculars though, you could see a graph with a downward trend, like you could see associated with the stock market. As soon as we saw this image we were able to apply it to Nicks character. He was mostly an observer, and what he observed was the downfall of those around him. The color that we chose to represent Nicks character was gray. Gray is a color that we felt represented Nicks observe qualities. Gray in itself is rather boring, but has the ability to make other colors around it stand out. Similarly to how Nick makes Gatsby stand out as someone who is interesting and mysterious. Additionally gray is a modest color. It doesnt stand out similarly to how Nick doesnt speak out, or express much of his feelings to other throughout the novella.
Comment [27]: This is really interesting! I would love if you emailed me a link of this picture so I can use it next year. Comment [28]: This is the color I also, associate with Nick. Comment [26]: Really?! Thats so cool you found that picture out of the blue like that! This is a great example of how interpretation changes what we read and see in art sometimes! Comment [25]: Great explanation! Comment [24]: I really like how you organized your paper into two distinct partsthats kinda how the assignment turned out, huh? Great idea!

Comment [29]: Thats exactly right! Nick always gets pegged with being boring, but I think youre right to think there is more to him than just being boring! Comment [30]: Can you reword this so its a little clearer to your readers what you meant here? Comment [31]: How might you explain how to reword this? CLARITY? Sentence combining is one of the most common mistakes and effective grammar lessons a teacher can teach. Comment [32]:

The song that we chose to represent Nick was Honestly, by Billy Joel. The quote the novella that made us chose this song was when Nick said, I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known. This idea of being the only honest person is the main reason for Joels song and can be clearly seen in this excerpt, [h]onesty is such a lonely word / Everyone is so untrue / Honesty is hardly ever heard / And mostly what I need from you. Together we felt that this song really showed how Nicks was affected by the other characters in the novella, and the distance he places between themand himself. The quotations that we chose to represent Nick in our presentation were selected above others because we felt that they highlighted important parts of the novella for his character. In particular, the quotation that explained how he felt Daisy and Tom smashed things up and left them for others, really showed the way that Nick felt about what had happened to Gatsby. This was important because it showed Nicks development in expressing his feelingseven if it was only to himself.

Comment [33]: I love Billy Joel, how you do you think hed feel about Nick? Comment [34]: Like that you include some comments that are really just responses J

Comment [35]: Great use of the Ins, also your explanation was clear, to the point, and extremely insightful. Very nice job. Comment [36]: Like that you refer throughout to the same kinds of thingsyour students are more likely to pick up on these trends (especially if you follow up with a mini-lesson) CLARITY J

Comment [37]: So far so good! Im very impressed.

Nicks Relationship with Gatsby: Nicks relationship with Gatsby was by far the most interesting to me in The Great Gatsby. When Nick first meets Jay Gatsby, he is instantly intrigued with who he is and what he does. Nick narrates the first time he sees Gatsby, I saw that I was not alone - fifty feet away a figure had emerged from the shadow of my neighbor's mansion and was standing with his hands in his pockets regarding the silver pepper of the stars. Something in his leisurely movements and the secure position of his feet upon the lawn suggested that it was Mr.

Gatsby himself, come out to determine what share was his of our local heavens. (20) At this point in the novella I dont think Nick knew himself what he wanted out of life but from this quotation I think it becomes clear to the reader that Nick was trying to tell Gatsbys storyto make it mean something. At the end of his tale Nick thinks to himself that he will never be able to forgive Tom and Daisy for how they treat other people. Nick thinks to himself, I couldn't forgive him or like him, but I saw that what he had done was, to him, entirely justified. It was all very careless and confused. They were careless people, Tom and Daisy - they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made....(179) This passage really shows the importance to how Nicks life was changed because of GatsbyGatsbys dead, in a way, gave Nick something to live for. Nick and Gatsbys friendship, and how it grew and developedhow it changed Nicks relationship with Tom, Daisy, and even Jordan, really demonstrates how these two characters were connected and how Nicks success was dependant on Gatsbys fortunes as well.
Criteria Organization Evidence Readability 4-Great! X X X 3-Good 2-Fair 1-Poor
Comment [39]: Great quotation choice! Comment [40]: Because? CLARITY Comment [38]: Can you think of a different phrase here? If you look up one line you just used this one ;)

Comment [41]: Did you mean death? Comment [42]: Correcting these kinds of typos may be more trouble than its worthhow else might you point this out? CONCISE?

Grade: 11.5/12=A-

Comments: #2, this was really an excellent paper. I loved how you split up the prompt into two distinct sections. I think it really helped keep your thoughts organized. Also, you supported your opinions very well, and again stayed focused and organized. To take this paper to the next level I think you just need to step back and proofread for those silly mistakes that tend to sneak up on the best of us. Sometimes, I read my papers out loud, or change the font and read through it again myself. If you ever want me to look over a draft with you, Id be happy to set up a meeting! Very nice job.

#3 In The Great Gatsby, Tom is one character who we see that really affects how we see other characters. Tom is a cold person who only looks out for himself. We chose in our presentation to use the color red for him because it is an evil color and Tom is evil. Red is associated with hatred and Tom hates Gatsby. Red is also associated with murder and blood and although Tom did not murder Gatsby, Tom told Wilson that Gatsby had been the owner of the car that had killed his wife. This of course was going to make Wilson want revenge on Gatsby and otherwise put the gun in Wilsons hand to kill Gatsby. Nick said I couldnt forgive him or like him, but I saw that what he had done was, to him, entirely justifies. It was all very careless and confused. They were careless people, Atom and Daisy-They smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into thier money or thier vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together and let other people clean up the mess they had made (pg 179) This quote shows that Tom doesnt care about what other people think of him or what he does to hurt others. He only cares about his possessions and having the best things in life. Not only does he affect Gatsbys life but he also affects Daisys. His wife is very loyal to him, but when he feels threatened by Gatsby, he feels he must find a way to keep him away from his wife. Tom doesnt even really care about Daisy. He wasnt even there for the birth of their child. He just cares about the idea of having Daisy. This alters her life then in the end.
Comment [49]: Proof reading this something that everyone struggles with, Im pretty sure you meant Tom here ;) Comment [50]: Again, proofreading and spell check are your friends. I understand what you meant though, it just slows down the reader and makes your ideas harder to follow. Would a peer edit be helpful next time? Comment [51]: Because this quotation is more than four lines, what you would do here is called a block quotation. I should have explained how this was done. My apologies. Comment [52]: Im impressed at your CARING, despite the fact that this piece required more comments than most others J Comment [53]: What makes you think that Daisy is loyal to Tom? Comment [54]: A great question because its neutralpoints student toward support without admonishment J CHALLENGING/CARING Comment [43]: Remember that book titles need to be underlined. Great introduction of the book and character here!

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Comment [44]: This is really interesting! I never thought of his as this influential, what makes you think so? Comment [45]: This is a strong claim, what textual evidence might you use here to back it up? Comment [46]: Red is a great choice for Tom! Comment [47]: Evil color? Can colors really be evil or is it the association to blood that makes you think sosomething to think about =) Comment [48]: Ahh, this must be why you think that Tom is evilwhat might have happened to his wife, daughter (or himself) if he hadnt complied with Wilson though? Does this change your opinion at all?

Criteria Organization Evidence Readability

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Grade: 6.5/12=C+ Comments: #3, you have a really good start here. Your thesis is definitely debatable and you have a good foundation here for your textual support for it. I really enjoyed how your view of Tom was so different than my own. Your group did a great job with the color choice and textual support; however, you didnt mention what song you chose. Also, I felt that you needed to go back and think about organizing your thoughts, and looking for those silly mistakes that sneak up on us all. If youd like to talk to me about your paper and hand in a revised copy, Id be happy to accommodate you. Lets aim for the end of this week sometime.
Comment [55]: A great way to combine fairness and individualization J

#4 Individual Project Explanation I believe our Gatsby presentation was very positive. We turned a character who life consisted on Fitzgeralds pages and gave him life via his success story. We chose the color green to symbolize Jay and his success because green is the color of money. All his life, even when Jay was a young boy (under a different name), he was after money and making it big. Also, green is the color of envy which is how Jay feels toward another main character, Tom. Jay is very jealous of Toms life and the fact that he is married to Daisy, the love of Jays life and (we find out later), one of the driving forces behind his search for wealth. Our group chose the song If I Had A Million Dollars by the Barenaked Ladies as our song to represent Gatsby and his journey. The song is, basically, about someone concocting ideas about what they would do and buy should get obtain a million dollars. The main line, however, is If I had a million dollars, I would buy your love. That is perfectly representative of Gatsby because, in the latter part of the text, we see that Gatsby throws parties to impress Daisy and hosts all these lavish gala events to grab her attention and hopefully steal her back for him. He lives across the way from Daisy in hopes that she will see his large, beautiful home and go back to him. Gatsby is a very wishful thinker, but it works to his demise. As far as quotes go, the book is written about the entire story of Jay, so there are plenty. The first quote that, I believe, represents Jay is on page 21 of the text. This is Gatsby makes his first appearance. The quote reads that he stretched out his arms toward the dark water in a curious way, and, far as I was from him, I could have sworn he was trembling. Involuntarily I glanced seawardand distinguished nothing except a
Comment [65]: How could you make first sentence stand out? Remember to link the first sentences of a paragraph back to your thesis for organization purposes. Comment [66]: Like that you provide CLEAR strategies for HOW to address this CHALLENGING question J Comment [67]: I think you need the word when after this. ;) Comment [68]: How might you comment on this kind of thing without having to use a complete sentence (and correcting)? I sometimes just highlight the space between the words and use ? or use the key WM for word missing Comment [63]: Terrific song explanation! Comment [64]: Because? CLARITY Comment [56]: I really like you to provided a title You introduction might be strong though, if you introduce what book were using, and perhaps a first name ;) Comment [57]: Me too! Comment [58]: Bring characters to life is really important, because it helps you think about them from different perspectives. Im really glad that you were able to accomplish this. As a teacher that makes me feel like Im doing my job right. Comment [59]: I like how you tie the color green in with your thesis. How could you expand the first paragraph without including the color here though? Putting the color chose and support in its own place will help your paper become more organized. Comment [60]: I always thought of Gatsby as blue, but youre group did a really great job convincing me otherwise! Comment [61]: This would be a great place to make a new paragraph. Comment [62]: Awesome song choice for Gatsby!

single green light, minute and far away, that might have been the end of a dock. When I looked once more for Gatsby he has vanished, and I was alone again in the unquiet darkness (21). This shows Gatsby longing after the success/money/wealth/Daisy across the lake. This represents all the longing in the text. Gatsby may make lots of money and have many fancy things, but he is still longing and hoping after something that cannot be achieved. That something is Daisy. Gatsby is never and will never be satisfied until she is his.
Criteria Organization Evidence Readability X X 4-Great! 3-Good X 2-Fair 1-Poor
Comment [69]: Because this quotation is more than four lines, what you would do here is called a block quotation. I should have explained how this was done. My apologies.

Grade: 10/12=B+ Comments: #4, you have a really good start here. I love how you supported your choices of song, color, and quotations. You seem to have left out the image you chose to represent Gatsby though. Also, your organization needs a little work. How could you make your transitions clearer and aligned with your thesis? Keep up the good work!
Comment [70]: A great summative comment: CLEAR, CONCISE, CARING, and CHALLENGING J

#5 Gatsby Misses Success In The Great Gatsby, I think that Gatsby looked successful at the beginning, but by the end of the novel we see him as a failure. Here I will talk about why we chose the quotes we did as a group, as well as the color and the song. We were trying to make a PowerPoint slide that represents Gatsby throughout the book, we thought this would be the most efficient medium in which to represent this information. We chose green to represent Gatsby because it stands for money, growth and envy. Gatsby went from being at the bottom of the socioeconomic status to being so rich he didnt really know what to do with all his money. One woman who tore her dress at a party he had got a new one sent to her in the mail shortly afterwards. This shows the reader how he has extra money to just toss around. The green light at the end of Daisys dock represents Gatsbys envy of Tom having Daisy as well as Gatsbys desire to have Daisys love. The second quote we chose: Somebody told me they thought he killed a man once, shows the reader that no one really knows who Gatsby is or how he made his fortune. He is a man of mystery throughout the book. He is shrouded in unknowns and stories run ramped about him to fill the gaps! The third quote we took from the part where Gatsby is trying to get Daisy to say that she never loved Tom. I never loved him, She said with perceptible reluctance. p. 132. Daisy actually admits that she never loved Tom, but retracts this statement in the next few minutes. This is the turning point in Gatsbys pursuit of Daisy because he realizes that even though she may have once loved him there is not chance at
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Comment [71]: Are you using track changes to correct? What might be gained and lost by this? CHALLENGING? Comment [72]: Wow!Im interested to see how you back this up. Comment [73]: I really like how you jump right into what your paper will be about! Comment [74]: I really like how you orient the reader about what is coming next! Comment [75]: I agree that PowerPoints are efficient, but why do you think so? How can you support this? Comment [76]: How could you relate this section back to your thesis? Comment [77]: I sometimes expect to see a thesis in the first paragraph because thats the genre of a school essay. But here, this first sentence of the second paragraph seems like the thesis for this pieceand its pretty clear. Comment [78]: I really liked that your group chose green to describe Gatsby, I always thought of his as blue so I found this particularly interesting. Nice job thinking from a new standpoint! Comment [79]: These are great examples!

Comment [80]: I love all your examples! It is a little tricky to follow all of these different thoughts though. Maybe read this out loud and think about how to make your feelings clearer for your readers. Comment [81]: Providing positive strategies J CHALLENGING/CARING J Comment [82]: When youre Introducing, try to let your readers know whos speaking and to whom theyre speaking to. Also, because this is the first quotation that you use in your paper, saying the second quote was a little confusing for me as a reader. Comment [83]: Great explanation of the quotations significance! Comment [84]: Your formatting needs a little help, a lot of students had this problem though. We will go over some of these problems in class, may I use this as an example?

winning her over now. He just looks really desperate in this scene; forcing Daisy to say that she never loved her husband, right in front of her. Maybe it was what Gatsby deserves not to have Daisy at his funeral after this escapade! Gatsby has a great effect on Nick throughout the book so much that he tells this story. Nick feels it is his responsibility to get people to attend Gatsbys funeral. He has felt like a close friend of Gatsbys even though he really doesnt know much about the mystery that surrounds him. We chose If I had 1,000,000 dollars as the song to represent Gatsby at the beginning. He thought if he was wealthy enough and threw huge parties, Daisy would love him. All he wanted was Daisys love and he couldnt get that in the end so I would say he was not really a success.
Criteria Organization Evidence Readability X X 4-Great! 3-Good X 2-Fair 1-Poor
Comment [87]: I love how you made each section of your paper focus of one aspect of your presentation. How might you make these transitions flow better though? I know one thing that I do it try to tie each of my first sentences back to the thesis. Comment [88]: CARING/CLARITY J Comment [89]: I really like this song! What is the MLA rules for song titles? Comment [90]: Because of how you set up your paper, you might want a conclusion paragraph. It might be a good idea to help summarize your overall thoughts for your readers. Comment [91]: While might softens criticism (CARING), it may not be enough to CHALLENGE some students to change. Comment [85]: Sometimes pronouns can make things confusing. What I think you mean here is him, meaning Tom. Comment [86]: Interesting comment. Does anyone deserve not to have anyone at their funeral, especially someone who loved them? I might be willing to agree with you if you were to support this a little more.

Grade: 10/12=B+ Comments: #5, you did a really great job sticking to the prompt, organizing your thoughts, and staying on topic. I really enjoyed your interpretations of Gatsby. I really like how you thought about his so differently than I did when I read this novel. Overall, you need to work on relating back to your thesis, formatting, and generally expanding your own thoughts. Keep up the good work!

#6 Daisy Our group had Daisy for our final assessment, we chose to do portray Daisy in girly colors, such as pink and white. This is because Daisy is often seen in white and she is so ditzy we felt pink was a perfect, although stereotypical color for girls. We chose the song Barbie Girl for our song, because it was reflective of who Daisy is as a character, I also chose to put the song Material Girl by Madonna because I felt that this was a good way to sum Daisy up as a character. Daisy is a weak and dumb character which is why we chose the quotes we did. There is one point where Daisy shows her stupidity when talking about her daughter, 'I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool - that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.' "You see I think everything's terrible anyhow,." she went on in a convinced way. This shows how Daisys idea of success is to be a fool and nothing more. We also picked the quote where she is telling Gatsby that she loves him, "You know I love you,." she murmured. This shows that she is foolish and falls in love easily. One minute she loves Tom and the next she loves Gatsby, it seems that Daisy loves who ever is paying her attention at the moment. A final quote we looked at was the description of the death car The "death car." as the newspapers called it, didn't stop; it came out of the gathering darkness, wavered tragically for a moment, and then disappeared around the next bend. Michaelis wasn't even sure of its color - he told the first policeman that it was light green. The other car, the one going toward New York, came to rest a hundred yards beyond, and its driver
Comment [92]: Im glad you choose these colors. Sometimes I think of Daisy as pink, other times I really think of her as yellow though. Im glad you chose something different than what we talked about in class. Nice job! Comment [93]: Why does pink remind you of ditzy? Many girls that are not ditzy like that color too Comment [94]: Glad you make this response important to comment in ways that are also about being a person in the world J Comment [95]: You make a lot of really bold comments here, Im interested to see how you support them. How does this relate to the idea of success? Comment [96]: I like that you chose two songs.

I particularly enjoyed Material Girl because I think it showed more about Daisys nature than Barbie Girl. I think a lot of students read Daisy the way that you did though. Its something that we might want to explore further in a class discussion. Comment [97]: Ouch! I think that Daisy definitely shows something about her character herebut perhaps your being too hard on her? Comment [98]: Im all for letting students get what they want out of a textbut theres something to think aboutHow could Daisy have meant this as a gift for her daughter? What does being a woman mean in the 1920s? And one final thought, how does Toms treatment of Daisy influence her feelings about herself? Comment [99]: I like that you address this by pointing out other evidence in the text (or around it)a good way to avoid losing to defensiveness the opportunity to change someones mind. CHALLENGING and CARING J Comment [100]: This is an interesting take, I would love for you to expand your reasoning. When I read this, I thought about how difficult it must have been for her to choose between a past romantic relationship that she thought was gone and over withwith her current relationship that was less than ideal.

hurried back to where Myrtle Wilson, her life violently extinguished, knelt in the road and mingled her thick dark blood with the dust. This seems to show how far Daisy has fallen and how she has been reduced to nothing and in the process she drug Gatsby down with her, well actually she drove Gatsby below her and used him as a stepping stone.
Criteria Organization Evidence Readability X 4-Great! X X 3-Good 2-Fair 1-Poor
Comment [101]: This is another really great quotation to explain Daisy! Nice job. Comment [102]: Because this quotation is more than four lines, what you would do here is called a block quotation. I should have explained how this was done. My apologies. Comment [103]: Does this sound like something a ditzy fool would be capable of doing?

Grade: 10.5/12=B+ Comments: #6, I think this is strongest reaction anybody had about this novel in our entire class. Im really glad that you were so open with your opinions, and I dont mind one bit that they dont match up with mine. With that in mind, I need you to bring more explanation into your argument to really sell your ideas! I think you have a great start here!
Comment [104]: Well done! CHALLENGING/CARING J

#7 The Great Gatsby Individual Project For our Gatsby project, my group decided to use a powerpoint because it was the easiest and fastest way to do the project. We chose all of the quotes that we did because we believed it showed Gatsbys attempt at success really well. For instance, our first quote is about Gatsby staring off across the water, longing for Daisy, and our last quote is of after Gatsbys death. The beginning shows that Gatsby was trying to be part of Daisys life and our closing quote showed the outcome of that attempt. We decided that the color green fit Gatsbys character really well for a couple different reasons. First, Gatsby is very money driven because he wants to live a life that Daisy would approve of. Also, green fits in because Gatsby is envious of the life that Daisy and Tom have. A single green light, minute and faraway, that might have been the end of a dock. The reason that we chose the song If I had a Million Dollars is that we thought it represented Gatsbys monetary ambitions to winning Daisys love. "[Gatsby] wanted to recover something, some idea of himself perhaps, that had gone into loving Daisy. His life had been confused and disordered since then, but if he could once return to a certain starting place and go over it all slowly, he could find out what that thing was." The journey that Gatsby went through impacted Daisy because he tried to interfere with her marriage and ended up making her move away. He brought strain into her life with Tom, but it is possible to claim that he impacted her in a positive light because he gave her someone to really love, not just to comfort that Tom offered.
Comment [114]: This is a really interesting comment, can you expand your reaction? Comment [115]: Why? How? CLARITY? Comment [113]: This is a really great point! Comment [112]: Remember to Introduce, Insert, and then Interpret. Comment [110]: Great song choice! Comment [111]: Im so pleased that you knew how to insert this, may I also show this as an example in class? Comment [105]: Haha, I love your honesty! Comment [106]: Try reading this sentence out loud. Is there a better way you can write it so that your readers can understand what youre trying to say. Comment [107]: Some students may not have an ear for this kind of thinghow else might you encourage a different phrasing? CLARITY Comment [108]: This is right on topic! Comment [109]: Simple words like this help keep your reader oriented with your thesis. Great job! Can I show this as an example in class?

Gatsbys story is very sad. It stinks that he spent his whole life trying to get Daisy and then, right when she was almost his, everything goes wrong. I liked this story a lot.
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Comment [116]: Im so glad you enjoyed it! Its one of my favorite too! (How does this relate to your thesis though?) Can you rephrase this so that you pertains to Gatsby perhaps? Comment [117]: CARING/CHALLENGING J I think its OK to do some abbreviating (CONCISE): Glad you liked ita fav or mine, too! Now, explain why?

Grade: 7/12=C+ Comments: #7, you did a nice job setting up the foundation for a really great paper. I love how you thought about Gatsby in a more sympathetic way than was discussed in class. Also, you did a really good job explaining your feelings about him as a character. I think you might have gotten a little off topic though. Perhaps keeping the prompt in front of you and referring back to it while youre writing might help here. Also, you seemed to forget to explain your color choice and image. To improve your grade, look back on your organization, explanations, and generally just expand what you have here. If you would like to talk about your paper and resubmit it for a higher grade, please see me and well work something out!

#8 Nick F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby depicts the rise and fall of one man, Jay Gatsby, in the pursuit of love and success. Fitzgerald places the immortal fate of Jay Gatsby in the hands of an average bond broker from the West, Nick Carraway. Nick acts as the novels narrator throughout the entire story; he describes and details the attitudes and moves of Gatsby as well as Tom and Daisy Buchanan. The former soldier turned businessman attempts to act as a bystander at the beginning of the book by removing all judgments and acting as a wallflower; however, his account begins to incorporate more personal judgments as the story progresses. Nick becomes too caught up in the East way of life; he can no longer separate himself from the story; therefore he moves back West. From the very beginning of the novel, the audience is made aware of the narrators intent to stay unbiased: "In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that Ive been turning over in my mind ever since. Whenever you feel like criticizing any one, he told me, just remember that all the people in this world havent had the advantages that youve had (1). Nick conveys this message to the readers on the first page to set the tone for the rest of the book. The audience may consider his account to be more reliable now that he has addressed the issue of judgments and biases. However, Nick is only human as the audience witnesses later in the novel. As Nick begins to become wrapped up in the glamour and fast pace lifestyle of the East coast, he begins to lose his partialness. At the very end of the novel, after
Comment [123]: Partialness means biasis this what you meant? What I think you meant is that Nick tries to stay unbiased, but loses that mentality as the novel progresses. Comment [122]: Great use of this quotation, and supporting evidence. Comment [121]: This is outstanding! It could be the back cover of the bookterrific summary of the novel. Comment [118]: I love this word. Comment [119]: Like that you note positive word choice CARING J Why love? CLARITY Comment [120]: Phenomenal introduction!

Gatsby's murder, Nick sees Tom Buchanan out on the street. After remaining quite neutral throughout the novel regarding his feelings towards others, Nick comments on his attitude toward Daisy and Tom It was all very careless and confused. They were careless people, Tom and Daisy they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made. . . (120). Nick is frustrated with the way, Daisy and Tom live their lives, and he does not try and hide his emotions to the reader. To Tom, however, he remains the same calm cool and collected Nick, from beginning to end. It is only the reader who knows his true human emotions. With out many conflicting schedules, our group chose to do a Power Point presentation because it was more accessible to every group member than a poster. Every member could work on the PowerPoint at their convenience. Steve, Megan, Jeremy, Bob and I choose the color gray to represent Nick. The narrator wavers through shades of gray as he goes in and out of his judgment of others. He first attempts to remain an "outsider" and gather the details away from the crowd, but he becomes a part of the story, and although he remains an outsider, he is too involved with the characters to not care and pass judgment. Jeremy made a really good comparison between Nick and a snow flurry. Nick is like snow flurry, he leaves his mark just as snow peppers the ground. However, once snow has been around for a couple of weeks, it becomes dirty and gray. Nick is not purely innocent of judgment; he has his biases and flaws. His judgments are more prevalent as the story continues.
Comment [129]: I will definitely remember these comments for the next time I teach this unit. Terrific observations. Comment [128]: Very nice support! Comment [124]: Again, great use of quotation. May I use this as an example of how to Introduce, Insert, and Interpret? Comment [125]: Good idea to solicit these for showing as an example of a smart thing one of your classmates did in this paper J Comment [126]: our? Comment [127]: This was definitely a good choice considering, great support.

Our group choose the song "I'll be watching You" by Sting and The Police to further highlight Nick Carraway's job as the narrator of the novel: Every breath you take and every move you make/Every bond you break/Every step you take, I'll be watching you/Every single day and every word you say/Every game you play(Police 1983). The lyrics really emphasize Nick watching the immoral corrupt people of Gatsbys world.
Comment [130]: What are MLAs rules about citing this type of source? Comment [131]: I think you could have expanded here a little bit. Why were these lyrics so prevalent to Nicks character?

Fitzgerald, F Scott. The Great Gatsby. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1953. Print. Police. Ill be Watching You. Synchronicity. Hugh Padgham 1983

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Grade: 11/12=AComments: #8, your paper started out by far the strongest out of all of your classmates. I love how you introduced the novel, for readers that might not be familiar with Fitzgerald, you did a fantastic job. Additionally, the evidence that you provided was on topic and really insightful. One thing that you forgot to mention was what image you chose to represent Nick. To take your paper to the next level, I would recommend writing a conclusion, and making your paragraphs flow more, and supporting some of your sections with more evidence of your own. Keep up the good work!

#9 Final Journal Response The character that I was assigned to follow throughout the novel was Tom Buchanan. For our project we decided to use the song I love the way you lie by Eminem because throughout the novel Tom lied on a consistent basis. He often lied to his wife Daisy about having an affair with Myrtle, however, he was rather boisterous about it to other members of the community. We chose the color red and the color grey as a major color in our presentation as well, because Tom is self absorbed and feels as though he is the shade of grey. He gets away with things that the average person would never get away with, to him there is no black and white. Even though its terrible to cheat on a spouse, he can cheat on his wife with no repercussions. He can flaunt his money and his power, and talk down to everyone with no repercussions. We felt that the color red symbolized his passion, and his perpetuity to lie. The term caught red handed comes to mind with Tom, even if there is no punishment for the crimes that he commits. The quote I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife. Well, if that's the idea you can count me out. Because we thought it was interesting how Tom in the start of the novel cheats on Daisy with Myrtle and then when he suspects Gatsby is attempting to take Daisy from him he gets mad. Tom stayed fairly consistent throughout the novel in regard to his idea of success and just his overall demeanor. He started the novel as a loud, sexist and often racist, wealthy man that did not care what people thought of him. He ended the novel as that same man, if anything more full of himself because he got Daisy all to himself and beat Gatsby. I specifically liked this quote which is said by Nick about Tom, They were
Deleted: . Comment [140]: This needs a little work as far as formatting goes, but your ideas are really important and I like the effort! We can fix the formatting no problem, in fact a lot of students had similar problems. Would a writing workshop help? Comment [141]: Good idea for what to do next J Comment [134]: This is a great example of how Tom lies in the novel! Comment [135]: It might be a good idea to make this a new paragraph because it is a completely new thought. Comment [136]: I really like that your group chose two colors to describe Tom. A lot of people see him as red, I like how you took the initiative to try another color to describe him as well. Comment [137]: Praising risk-taking and addtl effort CARING and CHALLENGING J Comment [138]: colors? Comment [139]: I really like this interpretation. Can you support this with more examples? Comment [132]: Great introduction! Comment [133]: What are the MLA rules for formatting a song title?

careless people, Tom and Daisy - they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money of their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made. That quote just basically sums up everything Tom and seemingly Daisy are about throughout the novel. Tom started out the novel feeling as though that a successful man has a lot of money, has a lot of power, and can get any girl he wants. He ended the novel this way as well, hurting Daisy all along the way with how he treated her. Tom affected Daisys character the most in the story because I feel without Tom treating her the way he did Daisy never would have wanted to go back to Gatsby. Along with that the fact that Tom had money and she was living a stable lifestyle also contributed to the choices she made throughout the novel. Overall, Tom stayed the same from start to finish, and I guess it is true what they say, nice guys do finish last.
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Comment [145]: This is a wonderful comment!how does it apply to Tom in this case? Comment [146]: From your comments, a student might take away expanding adding flow and applying to the topic as strategies for better organization CLARITY J Comment [143]: You have a lot of really good thoughts here. How might you break them up and expand of them? Comment [144]: Try reading this section out loud, is there a way to make your ideas clearer for your readers? Comment [142]: How might you make this idea flow better?

Grade: 7/12=BComments: #9, I really enjoyed reading about how you interpreted Toms character. I think that you supported your groups choices fairly well, and you also included all major parts of the assignment. I particularly enjoyed how you were able to thread the quotations into your general argument. To take this paper to the next step, I think you need to think about the organization of your paper. Remember that relating your paragraphs first sentences back to the thesis is helpful for your readers. Also, there are
Comment [147]: Like that you do this for all students, even those that received the highest grades J

many sections in this assignment that would work really well if they were in paragraphs by themselves. You have a good start here, keep up the good work.

#10 Daisy Daisys character color is white, which usually means purity and innocence, but for Daisy white is more of a color of wealth, shallowness, and foolishness. I would call Daisy a pathetic, cowardly character, because she hides behind her money and allows Gatsby to take the blame for Myrtles demise. Daisy has a daughter. In chapter one she says, I hope shell be a foolthats the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool. Most mothers you know probably wouldnt speak of their child this way. Daisy seems to have a disinterest in her daughter; she doesnt speak of the baby often. Daisy seems to be supporting ignorance. The less women know about the realities of life, and the hardships that can be faced, the better off women would be. In a way this quote can be very wise, but on the other hand, ignorance disrupts growth and keeps people oblivious to the realities of life. We see what good it did for Daisy. Her shallowness and incapableness of accepting responsibility cost two people their lives. She knew Tom was cheating on her, but rather than leave the support of his wealth, she turned into a murderer and killed Myrtle. Arguably she is also responsible for Gatsbys death. By allowing Gatsby to take the blame for Myrtles death she put him in danger. Myrtles husband goes in to a fit of jealous rage and revenge and kills Gatsby for the death of his wife. Furthermore Daisy does not attend Gatsbys funeral. This makes us question whether she truly loved him at all. Instead she and Tom move away without leaving any means of contact in order to avoid the mess they created. The wealthy continue to hide
Comment [154]: Fitzgerald leaves it up to the reader to decide whether or not Daisy even knew that Gatsby died, I assume that you feel that she did. How can you make this clearer for your readers? Comment [151]: This is very well supported. I really like this interpretation of Daisy. One thing you might want to think about it how the 1920s were different from today? Are we as readers from 2010 projecting our beliefs on Daisy in an unfair way? Comment [152]: It might be a good idea to put a sentence before this that shows how it relates to your thesis. Comment [153]: Where would Daisy have gone? Did she really have a choice but to stay with Tom? Just some food for thought. Comment [149]: Very nice explanation for your feelings. Comment [150]: It might be a good idea to put a sentence before this that shows how it relates to your thesis. Comment [148]: I really like how you just jump right in to your topic.

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behind their money rather than take responsibility for their actions. Daisy is a spoiled, selfish character that doesnt deserve her privileged life.
Comment [155]: I like how you summarize your papers thesis.

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Grade: 9.5/12=B Comments: #10, you have a really good start here. I enjoyed your interpretation of Daisy. To take this paper to the next level, I think you should go back and think about your thesis and how they related to your groups representation of Daisy. Also, you seemed to have forgotten to mention the song choice, and you only included one quotation. One way to avoid this in the future is to keep a copy of the prompt at hand while youre writing your papers. Keep up the good work.
Comment [156]: What is it about this thats problematic? Put in terms of the rubric criteria? (e.g., thoroughness or debatability?) CLARITY

#11 For our group project, we decided to do a PowerPoint with another visual for Daisy. Our color was pink, because Daisy is a girly girl and we thought it represented how Fitzgerald characterized her in the novel. We decided to do a PowerPoint because we thought it would be the best way to show our quotes, color, and song. For our added visual, we made a Daisy Barbie box with a Barbie inside to show the transformation of Daisy throughout the novel. We took off some of her clothes one by one in order to show how she became more amoral throughout the novel. The song we chose was Barbie Girl by Aqua, to match the Barbie visual. Daisy and Nicks relationship changed because of how Daisy changed throughout the novel. In the beginning of the novel, Nick thought that Daisy and Tom were very classy and sophisticated. Nick did not know anyone else in the city, so he held onto Daisy and Tom as friends in an unfamiliar city. At the party at Daisy and Toms house, Nick says to Daisy, You make me feel uncivilized, Daisy (Fitzgerald 11). He says this because the party is more relaxed and laid-back than the ones he is used to. At the end of the novel, Nick does not like Daisy as much. He tells Gatsby, Theyre a rotten crowdYoure worth the whole damn bunch put together (Fitzgerald 98). Although Nick started off the novel in awe of everyones lifestyle on East Egg, this quote shoes that now he has decided that their lifestyle is empty. Daisy Buchanan undergoes a transformation throughout the novel. She starts off as a more pure, innocent girl and ends as a woman who is much more provocative and amoral. Her relationship with Nick is impacted, and he stops seeing her as a woman of sophistication and instead sees her as a woman of little value.
Comment [169]: Wonderful conclusion! It really drives home your point and summarizes your overall ideas! Comment [168]: Again, nice job with the Ins. I really like your quotation choices. Comment [157]: Nice introduction! Comment [158]: I think of Daisy in pastels too, very nice choice. Deleted: Comment [159]: Great choice, and also a good explanation. Comment [160]: Im so glad your group chose two visual representations!

Comment [161]: Interesting idea, it really shows the progression of her characters changes. Comment [162]: I think this is a good choice to describe Daisy. How might you explain more about why you chose this song? Comment [163]: I really like this paragraph and how you choose to depict Daisys character in your group. How might you have expanded your rationale for choosing these different aspects? Also, how could you smooth out some of the transitions to helps your readers follow your thought patterns? Deleted: Comment [164]: Daisy was also his cousin, do you think this might have impacted his choice to spend time with her and Tom as well? Deleted: Comment [165]: There are some formatting issues here, but many students had the same problem. Im thinking about doing a writing workshop, may I use this as an example? Comment [166]: J Comment [167]: You did a terrific job with the Ins here!

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Grade: 9/12=B Comments: #11, you did a wonderful job with this paper! I saw how your group came to their decisions, you supported yourself very well, and you included all the major parts of the assignment. To take your paper to the next level, I think it would be a good idea to expand on many of the ideas you included. Many of which always have a good foundation. Also, by braking up your first paragraph into separate parts, your readers might understand more about why you chose which parts and why. Keep up the good work!

#12 The GREAT Gatsby?! Throughout The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, there are many times where we dont know if what Gatsby telling us is sincere. In the beginning of the book, it was easy to trust Gatsby as a character because we had no reason to believe that he was lying. The only reason we did get a feeling skepticism from him is because he was presented in an extremely peculiar, mysterious way. As the novel progressed, Gatsby became this ambiguous character who represented desire for Daisy, a connection with money and many reasons to associate him with the color green. Gatsby is not only associated with green because it is the color of money, but it is also the color of envy. Throughout the entire book Gatsby displays feelings of jealousy towards Tom and Daisy, wishing that he was by Daisys side instead of Toms. It is the green light on the opposing side of the dock that lets us know what it is that Gatsby actually desires after. He lusts after a fulfilled life with a woman that he loves, but finds it hard to position himself in the right ways to alieve him of his lovesickness. A quote that really stuck out to me about Gatsby dealt with the green light and what it symbolized: Involuntarily I glanced seaward and distinguished nothing except a single green light, minute and far away, that might have been the end of a dock. When I looked once more for Gatsby he had vanished, and I was alone again in the unquiet darkness (Fitzgerald 20). Although this quote is said by Nick, it tells us a lot about the character of Gatsby. It portrays his mysterious side, while also incorporating the green light and Gatsbys desires that have to deal with Daisy and the quest after a successful life.
Comment [182]: Great support! Comment [181]: There are some formatting issues here, but many students had the same problem. Im thinking about doing a writing workshop, may I use this as an example? Comment [178]: Did you mean alleviate here? Comment [179]: I usually use a key like WC for word choicethen students can look up the word and realize that this one doesnt exist in this form. And it saves you time. CONCISE Comment [180]: How might you introduce this section of your paper so that it relates back to your thesis? Comment [170]: I really love this title! I think youre the only student that did a title like this, awesome job thinking outside of the box! Comment [171]: CARING J

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Comment [172]: Try reading this out loud. How might you make your ideas more clear for your readers? Comment [173]: What I think you meant was, a feeling of skepticism or we begin to feel skeptical about him because,,,maybe? Comment [174]: Like that you provide two choicesstill leaves the decision up to the student, but models possibilities CHALLENGING/CLARITY Comment [175]: I dont think the quotations are necessary here. But, Im really glad your group chose the color green! Nice job!

Comment [176]: I love how you relate back to the last sentence from the paragraph above! May I use this as an example in class? Comment [177]: What textual support is there for this statement?

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Grade: 8/12=BComments: #12, you have a really great start here. I think what you might want to do in the future, is keep a copy of the prompt close by while youre writing so you dont forget to include part of the requirements. The parts that you did remember to include though turned out really well. You have a fair amount of support for most of your claims, but expanding your ideas might be a good idea to helps your readers follow your thought patterns. Also, read over what you have a think about how you might organize your ideas in way that helps prove your main points. Keep up the good work!

#13 We chose PowerPoint because it let us work on our parts separately and put it all together at the end. It also let us put our music right in the slide show, which was convenient. We chose grey for Nicks color because it is neutral, like Nick, who is an observer who rarely acts. It also shows how he sometimes contradicts himself, like when he promises not to judge people, but does, or when he says he never liked Gatsby at the end. This is also why we chose The Polices Ill Be Watching You. I think Nicks most important relationship is with Gatsby. Nick is one of the few characters to see Gatsby with his guard down, instead of just acting like a playboy. This is partially because he observes him without Gatsbys knowledge and partially because Gatsby opens up to him somewhat. The first case happens at the end of chapter one when he sees Gatsby but doesnt call out to him, for he gave a sudden intimation that he was content to be alone- he stretched out his arms toward the dark water in a curious way, and far as I was from him, I could have sworn he was trembling. This quote shows how Nick can be an inactive observer since he does not call out, but also shows how he knows Gatsby better than other characters, since most of them could not imagine him looking across the water trembling at a tiny spot of light. The other quote I chose is after Gatsbys death, And as I sat there brooding on the old, unknown world, I thought of Gatsby's wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end of Daisy's dock. He had come a long way to this blue lawn, and his dream must have seemed so close he could hardly fail to grasp it. He did not know that it was already behind him, somewhere back in the vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night." This shows how Nick realized
Comment [192]: This is a really interesting point. I love how you used textual evidence, but does it really support what you claim it does? Gatsby doesnt let his guard down intentionally for Nick, Nick just happens to see him while hes doing this. (Nicks kinda a creeper huh?) Comment [193]: Although this may seem like an unnecessary transition, I think this is really important! I love how you guide your readers to your next point with these orienting words. May I use this as an example in class? Comment [194]: Love how you phrase this strategy for students to remember J Comment [186]: I think this was a terrific choice! Nice job! Comment [187]: These were all really great choices. How might you expand on your reasoning here? Also, how might you relate your choices back to your thesis? Perhaps making each section have its own paragraph might help =) Comment [188]: This should probably be was considering poor Gatsby is deceased. Comment [189]: This is a really great point! Comment [190]: Because? CLARITY Comment [191]: Whoa there, can you support this claim? Gatsby really only shows affection for Daisy, so how did you jump to this conclusion? Comment [183]: How might you start this paragraph different so that your reader isnt automatically asking the question who is we? Deleted: Powerpoint Comment [184]: Great reasons for choosing PowerPoint as your medium. Comment [185]: Awesome choice!

Comment [195]: Because this quotation is more than four lines, what you would do here is called a block quotation. I should have explained how this was done. My apologies.

what Gatsby wants better than other characters, and also how Nick himself understood that success is difficult for us to recognize.
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Comment [196]: Very nice conclusion.

Grade: 7.5/12=BComments: #13, you did a really great job starting off this paper! I can tell that you were paying close attention to the prompts requirements. One way that you can really improve your paper is by expanding what you already have here. Also, remember that the first sentence of each paragraph needs to relate back to your thesis. This will help with organizing your thoughts. Keep up the good work!

#14 My group got Daisy as our character to describe. We had to choose colors to represent her so we went with the colors pink and white. Pink because she is typical girl who loves pink and white because she is pure. We had to choose a song too so we chose Barbie Girl because she acts likea stupid Barbie during the book. She is a dumb character who acts like a plastic Barbie which is why I chose the upcoming quotes. I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool - that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.' "You see I think everything's terrible anyhow,." she went on in a convinced way. This is a quote I chose because it shows that Daisy thinks that the only way a girl can survive in the world is if she is dumb and beautiful. It shows that she does not want to grow as a person. "You know I love you,." she murmured. This shows that Daisy is foolish because she does not even know herself. She falls in and out of love too eaily and never shows a stable character. Daisy does not grow as a character in this book. She stays foolish throughout the entire book not caring about anyone else but herself. She believes that the world is easier if one is nieve, and not taking any resbonsibilities .
Comment [206]: Another thing you can do is change the font or read your paper out loud. Dont feel bad though, even I make these types of mistakes because Im just typing faster than my brain can think! ;) Comment [207]: CARING J Comment [208]: See comment 156 and 158 Comment [197]: Nice introduction to your topic. Comment [198]: These are both very good choices to describe Daisy. I always think of her in pastels. Comment [199]: You did a very nice job supporting your color choices here, nice job! Deleted: . Comment [200]: What are the MLA formatting requirements for song titles? I wish youd mentioned your groups other song choice, I think Madonna gave Daisy more justice perhaps than Aqua did. Comment [201]: This would be a great way to start the next paragraph =) Comment [202]: How can you expand on these interpretations? Comment [203]: This is a little much for one paragraph. A good idea might be to separate each section into separate paragraphs and explain in more detail why your group choose these particular ways to describe Daisy over others. Deleted: ` Comment [204]: It might be a good idea to proof read for silly mistakes like these. Also, dont forget to use your resources like spell check and grammar check. Usually is will pick up on these common typos. Comment [205]: Oh no! Remember the 3Ins #14.

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Comments: #14, you have a really good basis for a good paper here. One way you can improve this paper is to think about your audience while youre writing. Making each new thought into its own paragraph and explaining your groups choices in more detail will help too. Also, the quotations that you chose were very good, but you forgot about the 3Ins. If you go back and expand on this area, and throughout your paper, I think you can really bring up your grade. If youd like to resubmit your paper, please see me sometime this week and well talk about this some more.
Comment [209]: CHALLENGING/CARING J

#15 Nick Carraway, the narrator of The Great Gatsby, is a character that claims to reserve judgment in retelling the events that occur throughout F. Scott Fitzgeralds novel, as well as, his descriptions of all other characters in the story. The reader should not assume that Carraways character is going to be successful in providing unprejudiced commentary, during his role as the narrator. However, his telling of what occurs during Gatsby makes his character seem like an unbiased voice for the audience to experience the story from. There is textual evidence throughout Gatsby that the narrator does in fact does judge the characters negatively, that are considered to be living the American dream, during the 1920s. In the opening chapter, Nick Carraways character introduces himself as a fairly educated man in his late-twenties that grew up around good morals. He expresses this to the reader in bringing up advice that his father once gave him; Whenever you feel like criticizing any one," he told me, "just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had (1). By bringing up this value that he had acquired while growing up, Carraway makes it apparent that his strides to be unbiased, which makes him like a character that should be trusted overall. Furthermore, the tone in how he introduces himself as the narrator during these opening pages can make him seem like an overall modest, good-natured character for the reader to hear the story from. The audience can see that Nick Carraway often provides an unbiased commentary about the events occurring in much of Fitzgeralds novel, but it becomes apparent later in telling his story that he does not uphold this promise. The protagonist,
Comment [215]: You did a really great job Introducing, Inserting, and then Interpreting here! Comment [216]: You change back and forth between calling your character Nick, Carraway, and just Carraway. After you introduce Nick once as Nick Carraway, its okay to just call him Nick for the remainder of the paper. Comment [217]: This is a really great transition, and orients your reader that youre now going to talk about how Nick has changed! Comment [210]: Oops, I think I know what you mean, but it might be a good idea for clarify what you were trying to say here for your readers. Comment [211]: Terrific introduction! As a reader I know who youre going to be talking about, what youre going to be saying about them, and where you got this information from! Comment [212]: This is a wonderful transition! May I use this for an in class example? Comment [213]: I think I know what youre trying to say here, but what if you rephrased this a bit to make your point clearer? Comment [214]: I often find it hard to explain what I mean by rephraseis it word choice? Word order? CLARITY

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Jay Gatsby, a character who has both positive and negative attributes, becomes a character that Nick, as the narrator, begins to express sympathy towards. This is most evident during the last time Nick and Gatsbys characters share dialogue together. During this time, Gatsbys character, one that is portrayed as extremely affluent and successful, becomes unsuccessful in obtaining the only thing he cares about; a second chance with an old lover, Daisy. Given the circumstances, Nick finally shows bias to Gatsbys character compared to all the other characters in the novel; Theyre a rotten crowd, I shouted across the lawn. Youre worth the whole damn bunch put together. (164). This quote proves that Nicks experiences throughout the novel have caused his character to be bias about the powerful, affluent people that were living the American dream, throughout the roaring twenties. Much that occurs during The Great Gatsby is quite dramatic, and therefore makes the narrators job of being a neutral storyteller an impossible task. By the end of the novel, it is apparent that, Nick Carraways character has gone against the unbiased narrator that he wanted to be in the first pages. Furthermore, it provides evidence that Nicks story and experience of all that occurs in The Great Gatsby evidently changes his perception of people as a whole. During one his final remarks concerning the affluent family of Tom and Daisy Buchanan, Nick shows that he has become a judgmental narrator, They were careless people, Tom and Daisy--they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made (191). By the ending of the novel, Nick seems like he judges the extremely affluent class of American society,
Comment [224]: Im really glad you chose this quotation! Comment [222]: Very nice support for your thesis. Comment [223]: Once again, great transition. Comment [220]: This is another really great transition. Comment [221]: Like that you find something to praise consistently in this piece J Comment [219]: Is this the only proof that Nick shows for favoring Gatsby? Comment [218]: Does Nick only show sympathy for Nick as a narrator?

negatively. With the characters of Tom and Daisy being the scapegoat, Nicks view these people make him seem like he has grown from his experiences in order to become a more skeptical, yet stronger person.
Criteria Organization Evidence Readability 4-Great! X X X 3-Good 2-Fair 1-Poor

Grade: 12/12=A Comments: #15, this is a fantastic paper! Im so impressed with how you defended your groups choices of how Nick progressed throughout the novel. The way that you explained your quotations were really insightful. I can tell you put a lot of time into this. If you would like to take your writing even further, I suggest going beyond the prompt and just adding more textual evidence to support your thesis. Thank you for all your hard work. May I use this paper in the future as an example when I teach this unit?
Comment [225]: CARING/CHALLENGING Im impressed that you maintained the same degree CARING, CHALLENGING, CLEAR, and CONCISE feedback down to the last paper J Your students are lucky to have a teacher whose voice comes through so clearly as a person responding to their work J

#16
Criteria Organization Evidence Readability 4-Great! 3-Good 2-Fair 1-Poor

Grade: Comments: #17

Criteria Organization Evidence Readability 4-Great! 3-Good 2-Fair 1-Poor

Grade: Comments: #18

Criteria Organization Evidence Readability 4-Great! 3-Good 2-Fair 1-Poor

Grade: Comments: