Revelations - 13 Contemplating the conundrum of how to stay in one place while I drove around aimlessly wasn't particularly helpful,

yet I didn't want to go hom e. I was stalling, waiting as long as I could before walking into the arguments that I was sure to be the center of when I got home. They all knew now that Bell a had found out the truth. I suppose it could look cowardly of me to postpone my inevitable return home. Perhaps the fact that I didn't care if Rosalie trashed my Vantage meant that my mental health was in question, but in truth, I was just tired of fighting. I didn't want to listen to their thoughts, annoyances, accus ations, or worry. Ever since I met Bella I'd been in a civil war. Almost entirel y an internal war, and I was both the enemy and the ally. This mental exhaustion was beyond anything I'd ever experienced as a vampire. It didn't seem possible, yet I couldn't escape the feeling. There was no alternative besides this. The w ar might never end and I would have to learn to live with that. Regardless, I co uldn't stay away all evening. I turned the car around and drove quickly home to make my nightly appearance, knowing that soon I would leave again, to take solac e in Bella's dreams. Although a part of me still felt voyeuristic, I couldn't fi nd any other moment of rest, other than when I watched her sleep. Besides, stayi ng away wasn't possible. I was a sick twisted infatuated vampire, trying not to annihilate my reason for existing while I watched her sleep, and telling myself that I was there to 'protect' her. I shook my head in disgust, and as I got clos er to the turn off, I caught the tone of each of my family members minds, divide d all because of me. "Rose Babe, she had to figure it out sometime. It won't help wrecking the car." "I'm not wrecking it, Emmett. I'm just taking what is mine." The jerk would deserve it even if I did wreck his precious car. I moved my atte ntion to Esme's mind as she was looking out the back window toward the garage wh ere Rosalie was disassembling my Aston Martin. Poor boy. Going through all that he has and Rose has to do this. "Alice?" Esme said aloud, "are you sure we shoul dn't intervene?" Alice shook her head. "Trust me. Our lives will be easier if we leave her alone right now." Alice didn't bring to mind what vision had made her assure everyone that letting Rosalie disassemble my car was the best outlet for her anger, but I did see her newest vision. Rosalie ignoring me. I could live wi th that. That, in itself, was almost worth losing my car. I could always buy a n ew sports car, and it wasn't like I had a chance to use it much. He deserves bet ter than that. He's trying so hard. Esme thought, but Rosalie wasn't ruining it. No, she was just taking it apart piece by piece to get to the tiny oil pressure sending unit that I'd let her replace 5 years earlier. Parts of, not only the e ngine, but the interior, hood, seats, tires, and anything that could be removed without damage were scattered over the lawn. It was a depressing sight. Though R osalie's voice was even as she answered Emmett's questions, she was still angry. Her thoughts were smug through the anger and somewhat victorious as she took ba ck what was hers in the most inconvenient way possible. Self-centered as always, I tried to ignore what was happening outside and listened to the more important discussion indoors.

Jasper's unsaid thoughts where angry as well. And Edward thought Emmett and I we re reckless. How long do we let her stay human when she knows too much as it is? I'd known how upset Jasper and Rosalie would be when they knew that Bella had f ound out, but it was too late to give them the prepared speech I'd come up with. I was surprised when I realized that Jasper was preparing his own speech. It wa sn't like him to bring a topic of argument up. I was suddenly apprehensive and s ped up as I followed the winding driveway. "Every moment she spends with him put s us at risk, Carlisle," Jasper said aloud. "They have been seen together, and i f this ends badly there are sure to be questions." His thoughts were calculating and logical, but he mainly felt protective of Alice. Worrying about her sadness if her new best friend died before she even got to be introduced. "You see!" Ro salie screeched from the backyard as she tossed another screw into the grass. "W e should have dealt with her when we had the chance!" She'd heard Jasper of cour se and her mental insults were punctuated with a clank as she tossed the muffler onto the hood of my Vantage that was only a few feet away from the river bank. Esme watched Rosalie's progress in disbelief, as I speed up to the house. "That wouldn't have helped, Rosalie," Carlisle assured her evenly, speaking just loud enough so she could hear him. "He's falling in love with her just as Alice predi cted, and Bella would have had to find out the truth at some point." "I wasn't r eferring to killing her, but you must see, Carlisle," Jasper went on, "That he i s not strong enough to change her. If he tried, he would fail and she must be ch anged soon. It is the safest way to proceed." Leave no evidence. That was why Ja sper was arguing with Carlisle. He was trying to convince Carlisle to turn her. I remembered the vision of Bella, pale with red eyes again. Her expression fatho mless, forced into a soulless existence because of my own stupidity. "NO!" I sho uted. He wouldn't do it, I couldn't let anyone do that to her. I stopped the car in front of the house, jumped out, and raced inside. Carlisle heard me coming a nd knew that I'd caught the last part of their conversation. He held his hand up to me, his face was full of concern. I saw my own panicked expression reflected in his eyes. Let me finish speaking, Edward. He thought quickly and then said, "Bella's transformation is between Edward and herself. We have no right to force either him or her to make that decision." I felt easier at his words, but the t ension did not leave my limbs. Calm down, Edward, Jasper thought as he sensed th e anxiety rolling off of me, You must see that it's the easiest way. "Easiest fo r who?" I looked at him pointedly. "You can keep your distance. I'm not going to take her life away just for convenience." Jasper turned to Alice and asked, "Wh at is the likely-hood of Bella surviving Saturday?" "Hopefully, not much," Rosal ie muttered as she tossed a wrench to Emmett. "Rosalie" Esme said sternly, turnin g back to look through the window, "I don't want to hear any more from you. You' re getting your part back and after this you won't say another word about Edward or Bella."

Rosalie nodded, and didn't say anything more, but I knew she'd prefer Bella's de ath than have her join our family at this moment in time. Her reasoning was utte rly ridiculous though and I brushed her thoughts away like the toothless insults that they were. Alice glared toward Rosalie for a moment before her eyes glazed over as she concentrated. I saw in her mind again the meadow with Bella looking at me and sunshine on us both. Rainbows danced across her face, her eyes were d eep pools of wonder, then the vision was hazier, more blurry. It was hard to see it clearly, but I was almost sure that in the vision my ear was pressed to Bell a's heart. I gasped, how could I be so close to her? Was that right? The possibl e futures blurred through Alice's mind, my reaction effecting them. But I couldn 't be sure of what I'd seen. Could that really be a possibility? I was suddenly elated and equally devastated, because I wasn't strong enough. The blurry future s so jumbled by my own insecurity showed the possibility of her death as well. O ne minute I'm close to her and the next she's lifeless, broken in my arms. No, t hat wouldn't happen. I shook my head, the internal war raged on and I saw the vi sions again swirling in Alice's mind, now Bella was leaning against me. Like a b ird trapped in the claws of a tiger, I told myself. I couldn't speak. Carlisle a nd Esme watched me curiously, puzzling over the conflicting expressions that pla yed across my face. Jasper was weighing Alice's feelings of growing confidence, as well as sensing my own conflict while the visions played out. When Alice look ed at Jasper again she said, "There's still a chance of course, but Edward is ge tting more sure that he won't hurt her. The odds are definitely better. Maybe 70 /30 that she lives." I groaned, that wasn't good enough. She looked at me and si lently apologized. I'm sorry about earlier. I freaked out, but it's changing all the time. I don't think you will hurt her. You must be doing something right. Y es, the thing that I was doing right was attempting to make no mistakes. The onl y problem is knowing what things are mistakes. I thought of earlier today when I 'd touched her face. Even the memory made my hand tingle, that had been a mistak e, so how could the visions Alice had just had of my being close to her not be m istakes too? I was suddenly aware of Esme's beaming face. Can it be? Esme though t, It will work outI'm so glad. What a sweet girl she must be She still wants to s pend time with him of course she would. Half of myself rejoiced along with Esme a nd the other half as always tried to explain why it was so wrong. I read my own euphoric and despairing feelings in Jasper's mind as he thought of is own confid ence in Alice, but he knew as well as I did how quickly the future could change from one snap decision. And that's what the problem was. "Is her smell less appe aling to you then?" Carlisle asked, curious as usual. Or have you simply gained more strength by resisting? "No," I admitted feeling ashamed again, "But I have noticed that it's easier to resist and ignore my instincts when I'm around her o ften." Ah, of course. Carlisle nodded. Just as I learned to resist.

I wanted to roll my eyes, but didn't want to be rude. What he'd learned to endur e was far beyond what I was capable of, but it did give me hope. Emmett entered the room just then, since, apparently, Rosalie was finished using him as a tool rack. "Hey, sorry about the car, Edward," he said quietly. I'll help you put it back together if you want. He told me in his mind so that Rosalie wouldn't hear his promise. Or I could get you a Vanquish. The top speed is one-ninety. He grin ned at the thought of an even more powerful sports car. Only, don't tell Rose it was my idea. "Don't worry about it." I shrugged, answering all his thoughts at once. A disassembled car was the least of my worries at the moment. Perhaps I'd donate the parts to some college or trade school and give the mechanic students something memorable to put together. And a new faster car wouldn't do me much go od when Bella could barely stand it when I drove at a hundred. I wanted to have her with me more than I wanted another toy. Alice smiled and waved her tiny hand at me. "So if you don't care about the car and Bella's safer the more you get u sed to her, then what are you doing here? You'd better go get used to Bella some more." The sooner you gain some confidence the sooner I'll get to talk to her! Emmett chuckled. Self-torture yep just like a mad-man. This is wonderfulPerhaps a n ew car for a wedding gift "What?" I said involuntarily, my progress to the door h alted immediately. Esme's forward thinking was a little too much for me. "Oh, so rry I'd talked to Alice before, and it's a possibility," she said sheepishly. "Ali ce." I said tentatively, not sure if I should be angry or not, knowing how she co uldn't seem to help herself from getting caught up in visions of the future. "He y, don't worry about it." Alice waved at me again, guessing what Esme must have thought about. She danced to my side, pushing me back toward the door. "Y just g o and smell Bella ou some more for me and everything will be fine, you'll see." Her tinkling laughter mixed in with her words. Hey, whatever floats your boat. E mmett was chuckling at his interpretation of what our unexplained conversation c ould have meant and at my expression as Alice shoved me. My shoes were slippery enough on the hard floor that I was sliding slowly backwards, my body was still ridged from the shock of Esme's thoughts. I stared into the faces of my family f or a moment- all but Rosalie of course who was very pointedly trying not to thin k about me as she put her tools away. The doubts and fears and pride and confide nce and humor in their varied minds, just compounded my own internal struggle. Y et, I knew where I wanted to be and what I wanted to be doing. Carlisle smiled a t the indecision on my face. His thoughts were only slightly concerned, wanting me to be happy, but he simply said, "Go to her." It was the only thing I needed to hear right then. Turning, I raced out the door. Before I'd made it to the bot tom of the stairs, however, I heard them making bets for Saturday on if I'd brin g Bella back alive or not. I groaned inwardly. No mistakes. I vowed again. As I moved through the damp wood, I wondered how it was possible that each nigh when I ran t away from my family and all that was familiar, every step closer to Bell a felt more like home. The magnetic pull, growing stronger just as I'd sensed be fore, was equally frightening as it was wonderful.

She was already asleep when I reached her house and I quickly moved from the sha dows of the forest, climbing up to her window and inside her room noiselessly. T here was something wrong tonight. Though her face remained calm, not a single wo rried line taking away any of the peace from her face, she was obviously restles s. She tossed and turned, and several times she startled herself awake, though h er eyes didn't ever stay open long enough to focus on anything around her. Her s leep was so important to her health and it bothered me that I couldn't do anythi ng to help her sleep. I kept a careful distance, knowing it was wise, but strugg ling with every thought I had of how to calm her. Each thing that I came up with , stroking her hair, singing to her, all were tainted by who I am. She would rec oil at my touch, or anything I did would shock her awake. Finally, after too man y hours of tossing, Bella fell into a deeper, dream filled sleep. Looking again at the stack of books near her bed, I finally felt brave enough to move closer t o see them, or perhaps my curiosity was finally too much to handle. I held my br eath and forced myself to only look at the books and not at her as I bent to ret rieve the stack. I felt an odd relief as I held the tattered books that I'd been eyeing for so long. Before I was overcome with the desire to move even closer t o her, I swiftly carried the books to the rocking chair and then allowed myself to breathe and look at her again. She was still deeply asleep, her tangled hair was the only evidence of how she'd tossed previously. Her scent hit me again as I let myself breathe, but it was becoming more tolerable. The pain scorched my t hroat, I had the stack of books to distract me. Emmett was probably right. It wa s insanity to put myself in this fire every night, trying to desensitize myself, yet what was the alternative? The more I burned, the safer Bella would be. Many people would have thought the same of Carlisle when he began practicing medicin e, and I forced myself to remember that hope. What was she interested in? Whuthe ring Heights, Shakespeare, and the complete works of Jane Austin, the same worn copy that I'd seen her reading before. These three were all at the top of the st ack and seemed the most used. Under them, I was surprised to see Sophie's world - a novel of the history of philosophy. It looked almost new compared to the oth er books, and I was surprised that had a book that I'd never even heard of. I de cided I'd have to read it some other night while I watched over her sleep. What other books were in her head? A poetry collection of Emily Dickinson and Tennyso n. These I knew well, and as I gazed at her hair tangled across her pillow and, as I thought of the Lullaby that she'd inspired, I remembered a line from Tennys on. There is sweet music here, that softer falls than petals from blown roses on the grass, or night-dews on still waters between walls of shadowy granite, in a gleaming pass. I closed my eyes and thought of the meadow I was going to take h er too and of Alice's most recent vision, blurry though it was. I inhaled deeply , willing myself to grow stronger, more accustomed to her scent. After I finishe d looking at all the other titles and took note of their variety, I carefully pl aced the stack back on the floor by her bed exactly as I'd found them. Then I wa lked ar ound to her nightstand to look at the stack of CD's. I was closer to her now than I'd ever allowed myself to be during my nightly visits. She was on her side facing toward the nightstand, and the urge to touch her face, as I had don e only once before, felt overwhelming. My hand tingled again and I moved quickly back to the rocking chair before I could read the titles on the CD cases. No mi stakes. I couldn't touch her now and risk her waking up. I would just have to be patient and go very, very slowly. Losing control even if it was just wanting to be closer to her wasn't acceptable, and I knew I needed more practice being nea r her. If being close to her wasn't a mistake in itself. Why did love have to be so complicated?

Knowing what her favorite music is will just have to wait for my questions tomor row. I smiled at the thought of finally being able to ask her all the questions that had been burning in my mind. For the rest of the night I sat in the rocking chair and compiled my list so that I'd be ready when I picked her up for school . The real question that I always had in the back of my mind I wouldn't be able to just ask her. Knowing how she thought, the tone of the voice in her head, was probably something I could never experience, but perhaps I could someh ow ask e nough specific questions to piece together what her mind might sound like. If on ly I could hear it myself. How many minds did I wish I could block out forever a nd the one person that I would give anything to just get a glimpse into the inne r workings of her mind was, apparently, forever barred from me. Some people thou ght in linier ways, and other people thought disjointedly or like they were find ing their way through a maze. I wondered how her mind worked, trying to imagine the sound. Would her minds voice sound like? Her speaking voice? She always said so little in school and yet her expressions said so much more than her mouth, a nd whenever she did speak it seemed that everything she said surprised me. What was her process of thought? The night passed quickly as I mused and thought of w ays to encourage her to speak her mind. I was ecstatic when the morning light fi ltered through the fog, brightening her room. Once I heard Charlie stir, I knew it was time to leave her side. I ran home, changed, and quickly drove my car bac k to Bella's house, arriving just as Charlie was heading out the front door. I w aited where he wouldn't notice me, until he drove out of sight and parked where the cruiser had been. I saw Bella sneak a peak out her window, and laughed at th e surprised look on her face. Hadn't she figured out by now that I was unable to stay away from her? I thought about knocking on her door so I could properly es cort her to the car, but also didn't want to rush her if she wasn't ready yet. A fter all, she'd still been in bed just a short time ago. Before I had time to wo nder what the proper etiquette for our newfound situation was, Bella was shuttin g the door and making her way to the car, while I tried to remind myself to tone down my enthusiasm and ordered my list of questions with the easiest ones first . She paused before opening the passenger door. It reminded me of how I'd scared her yesterday when she asked why she couldn't see me hunt, but today was my tur n for questions and I was going to make her feel as safe as possible. "Good morn ing," I said, my non-scary voice forced, it came easily around her. I smiling at her expression as she took her seat. She was staring at me with those wonder fi lled eyes again, like she was still waiting for me to disappear. I looked over h er face, seeing the tiredness that was inevitable after the way she'd tossed and turned last night, "How are you today?" I added. "Good, thank you," she said, a nd her face brightened as she smiled at me. I was worried about the circles unde r her eyes. I wished I could help her sleep more soundly, wondering again if sin ging the song that she'd inspired would help. But, she'd have to know that I was there, and it seemed unlikely that she'd appreciate my nightly vigilance. No ma tter how often I heard her say my name as she slept, I couldn't believe she'd ac tually appreciate the idea of me watching her each night. I stared at the circle s under her eyes again and wondered what she had dreamed of that kept her from s leeping deeply. Maybe the dreams of me weren't exactly peaceful ones. "You look tired," I said, and quickly started trying to count the actual number of hours s ince she'd calmed down. The time I spent with her always flew by in such a blur, it was hard to determine. Not enough for her to feel awake and refreshed.

"I couldn't sleep," she admitted, shifting her hair over her shoulder as she usu ally did when she didn't want me to see her face. "Neither could I," I said, una ble to resist, and trying to make her feel more comfortable. As strange as it wa s getting used to the idea that Bella wasn't bothered by the realities of my lif e, in truth, it was nice being able to be so honest with her. "I guess that's ri ght," she laughed. "I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did." "I'd wager you did." "So what did you do last night?" she asked. "Not a chance," I t old her with a quiet laugh. "It's my day to ask questions." "Oh, that's right," she said in a tone that made me think she wished I'd forgotten. "What do you wan t to know?" What didn't I want to know So much about her was a mystery to me. "Wh at's your favorite color?" I asked, starting with the easy questions but intense ly interested at every detail that made her unique. "It changes from day to day, " she shrugged, not taking the question seriously I guessed. "What's your favori te color today?" "Probably brown," she answered, glancing down at her sweater. D id she only say that because she happened to be wearing that color today? "Brown ?" I snorted, this wasn't going to work if she didn't answer my questions seriou sly. "Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown tree trunks, rocks, dirt is all covered up with squashy green stuff here." Her f ace had pulled together into an almost scowl with the pucker between her eye-bro ws appearing again. I was wrong. She was taking my question seriously, but even the answer to a simple question like what her favorite color was surprised me. H er reactions were always so fascinating. I stared into the pool of her deep brow n eyes, filled with sincerity, and agreed with her. Brown was the most beautiful color I'd ever seen. I was struck by how everything about her was warm and trus ting, and in that instant I understood her answer. "You're right. Brown is warm, " I said, and without thinking I lifted my hand and brushed her chestnut hair ba ck behind her shoulder. It felt like silk threads between my fingers. I had to f orce myself to put my hand back on the steering wheel, gripping it tightly. I wa sn't following my no mistakes rule as well as I should. When we pulled up to the school I quickly thought through the next section of my questions, and still pl agued by the mystery of what the stack of CD's by her bed consisted of, I starte d with that. "What music is in your CD player right now?" I asked, remembering t he empty jewel case at the top of the stack. "Linkin Park," she said, smiling in such a way that I knew there must be a story behind it. I grinned at her in ret urn, reaching to pull my own copy out to show her. It was always nice when I lea rned something else we had in common.

"Debussy to this?" I asked skeptically, hoping she'd explain what the look had m eant. Instead, she just stared at the CD and shrugged. Sensing she still wasn't truly at ease talking about herself with me, I exited the car and walked around to open her door for her. But again, the slow pace I was forced to move at in th e crowded parking lot prevented me from reaching her door before she opened it h erself. I contented myself with walking close to her, but kept my hands in my po ckets so I wouldn't be tempted to take her hand in mine as I wanted to do. Befor e she had time to speak I started questioning her again. Mainly just going throu gh the questions about her favorite things. "What's your favorite season?" "In P hoenix, fall. In Forks, summer." I could understand that, she loved the sun and warmth, but apparently not the hottest time in Phoenix. "Favorite breakfast food ?" "Eggs." "Why?" Perhaps it was a dumb question, but I wanted to know. "They're cheep and fill me up more than pop tarts." "Do you have them often?" "No." "Why ?" "Because I'm generally running late." "Do you like them scrambled?" "Not as m uch as fried, but I'm not very good at making them that way." "Sunny-side-up?" " Eww. No." I chuckled quietly. What was it with humans and how their eggs were co oked? And why did this small detail about her fascinate me so much? "What's your favorite household chore?" "Cooking, I guess. I almost always cooked for my Mom ." She made a slight face at that and I wondered why. "Charlie's a terrible cook ." "Why did you cook for your mom?" "Well, she liked to experiment in the kitche n and it didn't always turn out so good." "You don't experiment?"

"I do actually, but I tend to put things together that were actually meant to be together." Her expression turned bemused and she smiled up at the ceiling and I held the door of the school open for her. "What are you thinking? You looked li ke you were remembering something just then." How I wished I could see that memo ry too. "Oh, well I was just thinking about the time my mother put cumin and clov es in the spaghetti sauce." She glanced at my blank expression, but I asked the follow-up question before she could say more. "What are they supposed to go in?" "Usually cumin goes in chili, or something, and cloves goes in pies or cookies. " She looked up at me and smiled. "It was a little weird to say the least." I co uldn't remember much about the taste of food and wondered at the skill that she had. Perhaps I could learn to recognize the proper combinations of ingredients b y their smell even if it wasn't appealing to me? I was suddenly sad, only becaus e I could never properly experience anything that she prepared. "What is your le ast favorite chore?" I continued quickly, hiding my sudden despondency. "Well, f olding clothes is like torture, so probably that." She chuckled softly, and I gl adly thought of how quickly I could do that job for her, but perhaps she'd think it was too personal a thing for me to help with. I wondered if I could fold clo thes without her knowing it. Maybe while she slept? She might just think that Ch arlie had done it. I didn't want to offend her though, or give away my uninvited presence in her house at night. I shook my head, picturing myse as not only the lf guarding vampire but the helpful elf. I was pathetic. After a few more rando m questions, I had to leave her at her first class and walk the opposite directi on to my own classroom. I thought about ditching. It wasn't like I was learning anything in my classes anyway, but contented myself to simply being right at her classroom door when she came back out so I wouldn't lose any time for my next r ound of questions. "What was the last book that you read before moving to Forks? " She paused briefly before answering. "Gone With the Wind. I finished it on the trip up here." "Why did you start reading it?" I wondered if it was some school assignment or if she chose to read it voluntarily. "My mom always wanted to rea d it, but never got more than half way through. She ended up just watching the m ovie, but I wondered if the book was any better than the movie was." "Did you li ke the book more than the movie?" "No, they were pretty similar, but when I read the book I understood the characters more than just watching the movie." "Which part of the story did you appreciate the most," I asked, thinking of the beginn ing of the story and how innocent their lives were before the war. "The ending."

I looked at her in surprise wondering how she could think that. I'd always thoug ht it was so depressing. She answered my unspoken question before I could ask it . "When she's begging Rhett to stay she's finally realized what she had all alon g. She had the pot of gold and coveted the pot of bronze, but didn't know till t he end." "But he doesn't believe that she's sincere and he leaves. The story end s with her alone." How could she appreciate an ending like that? She was such an unusual girl. Didn't most girls adore happy endings above all else? "It's a goo d ending because even though it's sad and ironic she doesn't feel defeated. She cries at first but then she just knows she can win him back because she's Scarle tt O'Hara and can just think about it tomorrow, like it's a challenge to her." " Because she can endure anything?" I guessed, wondering what it was about the cha racter that appealed to her. "Yes in a way, but at the end she has nothing left t o prove to herself because she's proven over and over again that nothing will st and in her way. She knows that and is stronger by all that she went through. So, it's not just endurance, she knows she can overcome things." At that point I ha d to leave her at her next class and go to my own again. I still couldn't believ e that each moment she could surprise me more, and we'd only talked about one bo ok. I never could understand Scarlett O'Hara's appeal, she'd always reminded me too much of Rosalie, self-absorbed and grasping for more. Yet, Bella was able to see something else in the character that I'd never considered. Maybe the appeal to Bella was the strength that she perceived in the character. Bella always see med so frail and so helpless, and she was physically more frail than other human s, but I remembered the look of fierce determination when she was about to be at tacked in Port Angeles. I realized suddenly that her strength of spirit was infi nitely more substantial than I'd considered before. In between each of our class es I continued to ask her questions about the books that she'd read. Each answer seemed to give me more hints into her character, and though it did reveal more about her in some ways, it only made me see just how much I still didn't underst and. When we got to talking about Sense and Sensibility, for instance, she expla ined how she disliked Marianne at first because she came across as childish and superficial for most of the book and flung herself into her love for Willoughby ignoring the quiet pain of her sister. I could completely agree with this admiss ion, but noted how she said she'd viewed Marianne at first an how she'd d descri bed Scarlett. "You said you disliked her at first, but what about the end?" I as ked, wondering as I always did if there was more to her thought process. "Well, I still didn't like her at the end, but she was the character that I remembered the most." Bella looked down the hall as if she were seeing a different world in her mind than the one around her. "What did you keep remembering about her?" I couldn't keep from trying to read her mind even though it was useless. "It was s ad because she agreed to a half-life in a way. Her marriage with Colonel Brandon was probably a happy marriage, but she left most of herself behind." Bella's ey es pooled momentarily with unshed tears and I was struck by her tenderness. She obviously felt more deeply tha she n ever let on. "The real Marianne is gone at the end," Bella went on sadly, "She's more mature by then, but that carefree pas sion that was so much apart of who she was, burned away through her grief."

The sadness in Bella's eyes struck me. I'd always seen Colonel Brandon and Maria nne as a beautiful example of the right kind of love, not just the passionate fi ery love, but a love that was alive and healing to both of them. I could see Mar ianne's sadness, but more than that was the wisdom that she'd gained. I saw the beginning of their love at the end of the book as something that would keep grow ing, getting better and being better for them rather than just a 'happy marriage .' But Bella hadn't seemed to admire the type of love that Marianne exemplified either. In fact, Bella seemed more reserved and shy, the very opposite of Marian ne, yet she obviously felt deeply for her. Even if she said she didn't like the character really. What did this mean? Did she wish she were more outgoing? My sp eculations about how she'd answered each question plagued me as I sat through my classes. Fortunately, none of the teachers felt inclined to call on me and I wa s free to speculate until I was with Bella again at lunch. I wanted to talk furt her about these things, about the characters and my own opinions of them as well . I could have discussed the plot and character qualities of each part from all the books I asked her about, but there would be time later. Right now I needed t o just get an overview of as much of her life and opinions as possible. Unable t o get away from the topic of books for a while though I picked another good over view question. "What's the oldest book that you've read?" "Don Quixote, probably . I didn't finish it though," she said in between bites of her lunch. "Does it s till count?" "Sure it counts, but why didn't you finish it." Sometimes the act o f leaving something undone told just as much about a person as finishing it, and she didn't seem like the type of person that would normally abandon anything. " I thought it was interesting enough, but parts of it werejust vulgar," She wrinkle d her nose like she'd just smelled something terrible, "It got on my nerves." I laughed and wondered again if she'd ever stop saying things that would surprise me. My reacti n o must have surprised her too. She looked up quickly when I laug hed and choked on a bite of food, blushing deeply. "Okay, so Don Quixote can be tossed in the loony bin," I said, hoping that she would see that I wasn't laughi ng at her. I continued the list of questions each time I walked her to her class es and hardly let her eat as I worked through the list at lunch. My list didn't seem to get any shorter though as I kept thinking of new questions to ask. We ta lked about Mrs De Winter in Daphne DuMaurier's Rebecca. Bella's combined revulsi on in the character and pride that the character had been able to pull off all h er deception off was fascinating to me, and this was coming from one who was so bothered by double standards and who had said that she didn't like to lie. It se emed that the only accomplishment I would get from all of these questions was ju st a deeper fascinating into her personality and the silent workings of her mind . out over thinking, She began to respond more quickly with her answers as the d ay progressed with but there was the occasional blush after an answer that alway s lead me to ask more questions. Like when I'd asked her what her favorite gemst one was. "Topaz," she blurted out and then blushed deeply. I was about to ask he r favorite flower, but I had to find out why she flushed and turned her head awa y from me. Such strange reactions she had. Why would she blush at such a thing?

I tried the persuasive "Please" that seemed to work so well before, but she woul dn't look at me, finally I reminded her that we were past the evasiveness. "Tell me," I blurted out, feeling like I'd lose my mind with curiosity, and asking qu estions was supposed to be helping that! "It's the color of your eyes today," sh e said quietly, looking down at a strand of her hair that she was fiddling with. "I suppose if you asked me in two weeks I'd say onyx." I was speechless for a s econd and then felt happier than I'd been all day, but I couldn't let that feeli ng reign in me or take the time to remind myself why she shouldn't know me so we ll. It was too late for remorse regardless, and I couldn't stop asking her more questions now that I'd started. So when I found my voice again, I just launched into the next round. I had to stop my quizzing when Mr. Banner came into the Bio logy lab to set up the boring movie that we'd started the day before. Rememberin g how hard it had been yesterday, being so close to Bella in the dark, I scooted my chair farther away from her just before Mr. Banner turned out the light. It didn't help. That same electric spark was ignited between us. Bella seemed tense as she leaned forward over our table and rested her chin on her folded arms. He r fingertips gripped the edge of the desk. I wondered again what she was thinkin g, having the answers to some of my questions only made me want to know her even more deeply. She grew more fascinating to me at each passing moment. Even thoug h I still wished I could just read her mind, I realized in that moment that, in some ways, learning about her in this conventional way was more enjoyable. It wa s like putting puzzle pieces together instead of just seeing the picture. Or per haps it was more like exploring a maze or a garden. Perhaps exploring a jungle w ould be a more appropriate description of her thoughts, filled with surprising e xotic rarities around every corner. ..Can't believe she likes him. Just look at him stare at her Disgusting, Freak. Mike interrupted my thoughts as the movie sta rted, brightening the room slightly. He was thinking daggers at me again, but it didn't matter anymore. I just smiled when I remembered how Bella had chosen me, said "yes" to me, and now I was the one allowed to unlock her secrets. He'd don e a pretty poor job of it when he'd had the chance, and his imaginary Bella was not at all like the girl who sat beside me and who I was getting to know. It was easy to tune him out when I was watching Bella. I wanted to touch her hair, bru sh it away from her face again so that I could see her eyes. The electricity bet ween us jolted me as I thought of this and I forced my hands to stay in their ti ght fists. It would never be enough so don't start. No mistakes. No more mistake s. I kept telling myself this, thinking of her delicacy, and the more I thought of her in that way the more I wanted to feel her soft skin under my finger tips. I thought of Alice's hazy vision of Bella in the meadow with me so close to her , but I couldn't be sure that's really what I saw. Knowing I wanted to be near t o her could effect one of Alice's visions, yet I've already decided not to make any mistakes. Could not touching her be the mistake? But what if I was only thin king that now because I was trying to give myself an excuse to allow a mistake? Either way I shouldn't touch her now because I'm not sure. It is always better t o err on the side of caution. I told myself, yet the more I thought of touching her, the more I really knew I shouldn't and the more I wanted to anyway. I breat hed in deeply, focusing on the burning that I felt in my throat to clear my head . It helped only marginally. When the lights were finally turned back on, Bella sighed. I stood up waiting for her. I couldn't say anything as I walked her to g ym. My list of questions disregarded for the moment as I tried to convince mysel f why I should not allow myself to touch her face again.

It was a good memory, I told myself, but that's all you get. My finger tips ting led again with that same fire I'd felt before, this same time yesterday, when I allowed myself to touch her face. As we approached the door to the gym I wondere d if I'd feel that same fire if her skin touched the back of my hand. My good se nse lost the battle and I reached slowly up to her temple and stroked down to he r jaw. I turned, before I could talk myself into anything more than that, and wa lked away. My entire hand was now on fire and the tingle went part way up my arm . Emmett saw me then as we walked into Spanish class together. Any new experimen ts with humans on your mind? He thought, chuckling, as he remembered the little performance we put on yesterday. "Not today," I said, still thinking about how I should not touch Bella anymore. Wow. Emmett thought looking at me closely, he l ooks different. I saw myself through Emmett's eyesand wondered what he was talki ng about. "What?" I whispered under my breathe. You've lost your touch man. I be t you couldn't scare anyone now even if you wanted to. He chuckled again. Seriou sly, you look like Bambi did when he was in love. I glared at him. Oooh, like th at look can scare me. I saw my face through his mind and had to agree with his a ssessment. He'll be laughing over this for the next decade. I bet I could beat y ou in a fight now, even if you did cheat. Hearing his thoughts wasn't cheating. "Don't count on it." I whispered, smirking at his childish humor. He just had ti me to chuckle again before class started and we both had to fain the usual amoun t of attention. When I met Bella outside of her Gym class her smile beamed up at me and I grinned back before I launched into my cross-examination again. We'd a lready made it through over half of the questions that I'd compiled and I began asking her things about her childhood. "What activities were you interested in w hen you were younger?" "I took ballet for awhile, but I was never any good at it . I think Mom was hoping to find something that would help my coordination, but the year I twisted my ankle at the big recital, she decided it was probably a lo st cause." "Anything else?" "I tried ice skating once." "And how did that go?" " She considered putting me back in ballet."

I laughed loudly, and was happy to see her laughing with me. With every question I asked, she grew more and more animated. Perhaps one day I would be able to se e a photo album or something form when she was young. We sat in my car in front of her house while the sudden down pour blurred the scenery outside. I asked abo ut her home in Phoenix and what things she missed. She told me about the scent o f creosote, "bitter, slightly resinous, but still pleasant," she'd said. The sou nd of cicadas in July, how the trees looked feathery in their barrenness, the ex pansive sky. Why she thought the barren landscape was so beautiful, how each sha pe and angle of the rocks and spiny vegetation was held in stark beauty by the s un. I was full of wonder with each passing moment as her eyes seemed to light up , as if the sun that she described was shinning from their brown depths. Not eve n the rain that continued to pour outside the car seemed to dampened her spirits . When she'd finished describing almost poetically the beauty of the Arizona lan dscape, I asked her about the house she'd grown up in. She described in detail w hat her cluttered room looked like, and what books and things she left behind th at she wanted to ask her mom to send to her. When she was finished telling me ab out her mother and how mush she missed her, she looked up at me. I was thinking of all that she'd said and the life she'd left behind. She should go back to tha t. "Are you finished?" She probably wondered why I didn't have another question imm ediately ready, but I didn't have much more time with her. "Not even close b ut your father will be home soon." "Charlie!" she gasped, then looked around bew ildered, like she'd forgotten everything else in the world but us. I knew exactl y how she felt. "How late is it?" she asked, and I hated to admit that our day w as coming to an end. "It's twilight," I muttered, realizing that this used to be my favorite time of day. It meant the sun no longer hindered me or my family, a nd we felt freer somehow. Yet now, with Bella at my side, I found I wanted the d ay to keep going. She loved the sun and light, and when she was asleep I wouldn' t be able to talk with her. Talking to her seemed to be the only thing that matt ered in my life now. She was truly changing my perspective. When I turned, seein g her curiosity, I recognized that earnest desire to know every detail of my wor ld. "It's the safest time of day for us," I explained. "The easiest time. But al so the saddest, in a way...the end of another day, the return of the night. Dark ness is so predictable, don't you think?" "I like the night. Without the dark, w e'd never see the stars. Not that you see them here much," she added, and I laug hed at the childlike way she nearly pouted. I'd never admit it to her, I didn't want her to think I was patronizing or belittling her, but I couldn't help but f ind her petulance endearing. The strangest things seemed to irritate her. She'd surprised me once again by her sudden appreciation for the darkness when so much of what she miss was the warmth and ed sunshine. "Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday..." I suggested, wishing hopefully the she'd help me protect her in some small way. "T hanks, but no thanks," she said stubbornly, grabbing her books. "So is it my tur n tomorrow, then?" "Certainly not!" I said, feigning shock. "I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?" "What more is there?" she asked, a hint of her earlier nervous ness coming back.

"You'll find out tomorrow," I teased, reaching to open her door for her. I was j ust beginning to enjoy the sound of her heart racing from my close proximity, wh en something completely unwelcome interrupted it. This is totally out of line. T he treaty should cover this. He shouldn't be here and with Charlie's daughter "Not good," I said under my breath, debating for a moment whether I should whisk Bel la away to somewhere she wouldn't have to deal with what was surely coming. Of c ourse, I knew that would only make things worse. "What is it?" Bella asked worri edly. I looked toward her and willed myself to remain calm. "Another complicatio n," I said, trying to keep the edge out of my voice. Wow, awesome car nothings st ock at all on that thing man I wish I had the money for the part I need. I quickl y opened Bella's door and sat back firmly in my seat, determined to hold my grou nd steadily with Charlie so near and Billy's son beside him. This was not the ti me or place for a confrontation. "Charlie's around the corner," I said to Bella, as I heard his muffled thoughts drawing closer. I was actually more concerned w ith the other people coming, and assumed they were the Blacks. Jacob did seem to be smitten remembering Bella's attempted flirtation to pump him for information , but I didn't think I needed to worry about him. No, his father was the one wis hing that he could interfere in our relationship. Bella jumped out of the car, a nd I hated that I had to leave her there. She'd understand soon enough the neces sity of it, but it didn't make it any easier to drive away. With a hard pump on the accelerator, I put as much distance between Billy and me as I could. Part of me wanted to stay behind, to make sure Billy didn't do or say anything to upset her, but I knew no good could come of my staying and listening in. Even after I got home, I was upset with the thoughts that I'd heard in Billy's head. After a ll, I hadn't broken any treaty, even though Billy's own son did. I hadn't done a nything wrong, I hadn't even informed my family about how Bella was told about u s. They just thought that she'd figured it out on her own. It irked me that Bill y would think this was any of his business. When I got home I decided to calm my mind at the piano. Much to Esme's delight, I played all of her favorites, as we ll as the piece Bella had inspired. Emmett and Jasper were outside wrestling the entire time I was home. Rosalie was with them, watching and giving them pointer s, much to their annoyance, I realized with a smile. Alice occasionally thought of her visions of being friends with Bella, but nothing to give me any concern. Thankfully their thoughts and opinions didn't disturb me much, and I let the mus ic surround me until my mind turned to a more pleasant topic. While I played, I stared at the bottle cap that I'd placed on the piano again and thought through everything that Bella had said. What was it about her that was so compelling? I realized that it was a certain spark, a passion, hidden from the unobservant, bu t still there, underneath everything that she loved and believed. In some ways s he was an odd blend of opposites, yet unlike myself they weren't warring against each other. The unlikely and unique, seemingly opposite things about her that I 'd only gotten a glimpse of today, fascinated me more than anything els The back wards e. way in which she seemed to think was baffling. She was utterly dissimil ar to any other seventeen year old mind that I'd ever known.

Knowing her more fully gave me a small amount of confidence, even through my dou bts, to believe that there would not be a time that I would ever hurt her. I'd c ome to realize that hurting her would be like hurting myself and that was even m ore true now the more I grew to love her. I could hurt her accidentally thoughThe thought tortured me again, but I wouldn't do that if I could keep perfectly con trolled around her. I wondered how likely that was, if that were truly possible. I'd begun to sense so many strange and unexpected feelings around her that I di dn't know if I could trust myself. If I did allow myself to touch her again or h old her I'd have to be concentrating the whole time on every side of my nature. Keeping the thirst back and not killing her in that way, and holding her gently enough to not crush her and kill her in that way. Add all that to balancing thes e new human emotions that I wasn't used to feeling let alone controlling. If Ali ce's blurry vision was remotely possible, this was going to take a lot of concen tration. I had no way to gauge my reaction to that electricity that always spark ed between us when we touched, and I was afraid that it might distract me enough to lose a measure of concentration, and then I could hurt her. Panic overwhelme d me for an instant as I envisioned her death, that other blurry possible future in the meadow. I couldn't let that happen above all else. Maybe I should cancel our plans. Suddenly, Alice interrupted my thoughts. Edward, stop freaking out! Whatever you keep thinking about is messing up this weekend and I wanted to say hi to Bella tomorrow! She frowned at me from across the room. Anyway, you promis ed I could at least meet her when we leave to go hunting after lunch. I sighed, realizing it wasn't helping anything to perpetuate these thoughts of indecision. I had decided today that I would ask Alice to go hunting with me tomorrow, but hadn't promised that she could officially meet Bella. She had not only seen the vision of me asking for her to join me but apparently had seen an unsaid promise too and I let it go, nodding at Alice. , I'll take her to my meadow on Saturday as we planned. I thought firmly. Alice smiled then and turned back to her compu ter.I couldn't help smiling too. She could be extremely irritating, just like an y little sister, but the camaraderie we shared always squelched any anger that I felt toward her. Bella was counting on our time together regardless, and at any other place I wouldn't be able to stand in the sun with her. If I didn't keep h er with me she would probably go to Seattle like she'd originally planned and th e inevitable catastrophe waiting for her wherever she went was a given. At least if I kept her with me I was the one in control of her safety rather than some u ncaring fate. I could stand in the sun with her in two days and she would see me for what I am. And she would finally run, screaming at my alienness. How could I delude myself by thinking otherwise? Really, what good was it to be so concern ed with being able to hold her or not when she wouldn't want that after seeing m e anyway? It's bound to happen at some point. If it were possible to walk on the edge of this painful blade without falling into either chasm of her death or th e death of her soul, she would still be giving up too much by loving me. Our tim e together was numbered no matter how I looked at it. Especially after learning so much about her today, I knew that she deserved far more than anything I could give her. But she needed to know why she shouldn't love me, and I wondered if s eeing me in the sun, seeing how utterly different we are would convince her why she should run.

I would let her go, but how will I survive if she leaves me? Balancing- 14 I tim ed my arrival to Bella's house the same as yesterday, parking immediately after Charlie was gone. Bella came out of the house and walked straight to the passeng er side and jumped in. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face when she was near me. "How did you sleep?" "Fine. How was your night?" My smile wide ned as I remembered how I'd watched her sleeping peacefully and how I'd heard my name cross her lips more than once. "Pleasant." "Can I ask what you did?" She s ounded like she knew I was keeping something from her. Or maybe that was just my guilty conscious. "No." I was glad I still had a good excuse. "Today is still m ine," I reminded her, unable to hold back the satisfied smile that spread across my face. We were far enough down the list to the part where I had sectioned out questions about the people in her life. I had more questions about her Mom and what they did together. Other relatives and school friends, what she missed abou t them and what she didn't miss. By lunch, she was no longer showing any signs o f embarrassment as I pressed for more details, and I felt a sudden bout of confi dence, finally asking the question I'd been the most interested in. "What about old boyfriends?" I asked as casually as I could manage. "Did you leave any broke n hearts behind when you left?" Her face turned red, and I wondered if perhaps s he was about to tell me something I didn't really want to hear. After all, I was still getting used to the feeling of jealousy. I tried to keep my expression re laxed as I waited for her answer. "Not really," she finally said, though she was still blushing. "I mean, no one showed me much attention, which was pretty much how I wanted it. I guess I had a crush or two growing up, but I never felt comp elled to do anything about it." "So you never met anyone you wanted?" I asked, w atching her face closely. Why would she blush so much if that were really the ca se? "Not in Phoenix," she replied firmly, her eyes staring unblinkingly into min e. Ah, she wasn't blushing about the past, and I again wasn't sure quite how to handle her assurtion. Caught again between what I wanted and what I kept telling myself I should want, I wasn't sure what to say. To have her so often admitting that she wanted me when I knew that I was the last person she should be around was at once frustrating and oddlygratifying. I desperately desired to give her an ything and everything she wanted, yet the only thing she seemed to want was to s pend time with the one person she shouldn't be with. It was the world's most iro nic paradox. Edward. Don't forget about her truck. And can't I please talk to he r yet? You have to tell her why we are leaving early from school anyway. Alice's not so subtle commentary, along with a quick smile in my direction, interrupted my thoughts from across the room.

"I should have let you drive yourself today," I said, but knew why I'd intention ally let this dilemma slip my memory. "Why?" she asked in surprise. "I'm leaving with Alice after lunch." Was it wrong for me to conveniently arrainge everythin g so that I could spend as much time with her as possible? "Oh," she said, frown ing slightly. "That's okay, it's not that far of a walk." "I'm not going to make you walk home." I couldn't believe she'd think that I could be so unchivalrous. As I'd surmised before, she was obvious not used to being taken care of. That w ould be changing for her very soon. "We'll go get your truck and leave it here f or you." "I don't have a key with me," she sighed sadly. "I really don't mind wa lking." Like a little thing as not having a key would stop me. "Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition unless you're afraid someone might steal it," I teased, laughing at the thought. "All right," she said, a hint of d efiance in her voice. I could almost hear the challenge as she was obviously try ing to figure out what I was up to. "So where are you going?" she asked when I r efused to divulge my secret. "Hunting. If I'm going to be alone with you tomorro w, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." I wondered if this would make her realize the danger she would be in and change her mind. "You can always canc el, you know," I felt compelled to add. If she showed even the slightest bit of hesitation, I would not allow myself to go through with our plans. "No," she sai d quietly. "I can't." "Perhaps you're right." It seemed to be too late to back o ut now, and the war in my mind of right and wrong raged on again as it had since the first moment I was near her. "What time will I see you tomorrow?" she asked quietly. Her eyes dropped down to the table, and once again her obvious desire to be with me made the one side of my nature euphoric at the realization. "That depends ... it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" "No," she answered qui ckly, and I tried to hide my smile along with the secret of my nightly vigilence . "The same time as usual, then. Will Charlie be there?" "No, he's fishing tomor row," she said, clearly elated about the fact. I felt my fists clench at the rea lization that I couldn't even tell myself he was at home waiting for her. "And i f you don't come home, what will he think?" I pressed. Please, give me something . "I have no idea," she said casually. "He knows I've been meaning to do the lau ndry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer." She was trying to make light of w hat I was most fearful of, and I was suddenly infuriated. She really did have no sense of self-preservation at all. It was such a basic survival instinct that I often had felt like there must be something truly wrong with her brain, yet all humans were like this to a

degree and I knew now that she was just being stubborn. She met my glare with he r own and I knew I would not be able to change her mind about telling Charlie. " What are you hunting tonight?" she asked calmly after a few moments of our glari ng match, obviously in a hurry to remind me how completely normal she found my a trocious existence. I might have thought she was putting on an act for my benefi t, but her heartbeat and breathing remained perfectly steady. It was as if she'd simply asked me what I was having for lunch, which was, in fact, the case. "Wha tever we find in the park. We aren't going far." "Why are you going with Alice?" "Alice is the most...supportive." That was an understatement; she was practical ly flying out her seat at this very moment as she saw how many minutes it would be before she'd get to be introduced to her future best friend. "And the others? What are they?" I tried to think of the nicest possible way to say it. "Incredu lous, for the most part," I sighed, and I saw her glance nervously toward my fam ily. "They don't like me," she said flatly, and I wondered suddenly why it shoul d bother her to think that a family of vampires didn't care for her. "That's not it," I said, though it wasn't entirely true. Rosalie had made her opinion very clear. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone," I added, hoping that would help her understand that it wasn't about her. "Neither do I, for that mat ter," she mumbled, the little pucker between her eyebrows appeared again. I shoo k my head in disbelief. "I told you: you don't see yourself clearly at all. You' re not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me." She glared at me, clearly doubting my words. She didn't seem to realize what a great compliment it was fo r someone who can read minds and has existed for so long to say this about her. "Having the advantages I do, I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you ... you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise," I said, trying to explain it to her. By the look on her face, I didn't think she could accept the compliment. Her gaze left mine, her expressi on turned dismal, and I hoped she didn't think that I found her fascinating just because I couldn't read her mind. What may have started as pure intrigue had qu ickly grown to admiration and affection, and before I knew what was happening, I 'd fallen unwittingly in love with her. "That part is easy enough to explain," I continued when she still did n't look at me. I had to make her see how extraord inary she was in every way. "But there's more...and it's not so easy to put into words" That's it, Edward. I'm done. I just don't have it in me to sit here and l isten to your ridiculous lunchtime love confessions... Rosalie's sharp thoughts broke through my already disjointed speech, and I turned to see her staring dire ctly at Bella. Bella was staring back with wide eyes at Rosalie's hateful glare.

She's not worth it. Look at her, she's the most uninteresting looking human here . And for that we are risking our way of life. I hissed softly in her direction, and it was enough. Without a glance at me, she turned to Emmett and motioned fo r them to leave. When I looked back at Bella, her eyes were wide. I could only i magine how much worse it would have been if she'd heard what I'd been forced to hear. "I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see...it's dangerous for mo re than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly..." I turne d away, ashamed, not wanting to finish the thought. "If?" "If this ends...badly. " I couldn't bear to look into her eyes any longer. I dropped my head into my ha nds and let the guilt and the fear wash over me. I should have left, I should ha ve let her hate me from the start. At least then she'd be safe. Though my head w as in my hands, I saw her inch her hand toward my hair, and I longed to feel her soothing touch in my miserable moment. I couldn't blame her, though, when she p ulled away at the last second. Why would she want to be near me when I had just confessed my family's fears that I would kill her? I was amazed again that she w asn't running for the door. "And you have to leave now?" she asked. "Yes," I whi spered, chancing a glance at her face. She was looking at me with disappointment but not fear. She must just be sad that I was leaving and not afraid. Ridiculou s, of course, but a part of me was thrilled again at the thought of how she want ed to be with me. "It's probably for the best," I added, trying to lighten the m ood. "We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Bio logy I don't think I could take any more." Bella jumped when she noticed how Alic e suddenly was standing behind me. "Alice," I acknowledged. "Edward," she said f or Bella's benefit. I knew she was beaming without so much as a glance at her. I 'm here. It would be rude not to introduce us. "Alice, Bella Bella, Alice," I sa id flatly. I couldn't hold off the introduction forever. There, now that wasn't so bad was it? "Hello, Bella. It's nice to finally meet you," she said, and thou ght. It's about time. I glared at her for one quick moment. "Hi, Alice," Bella s aid shyly. "Are you ready yet?" She said and then thought excitedly. Or can I jo in you and get to know Bella too? "Nearly. I'll meet you at the car." She quickl y walked away, mentally complaining the whole time about having to wait so long to get to officially meet her best friend and then not even get to talk to her. I marveled at her unwavering persistence.

Bella looked away from Alice's retreating figure and said, "Should I say 'have f un,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" "No, 'have fun' works as well as anything. " I smiled at her, trying to brighten her mood. "Have fun, then," but she was ob viously trying to sound happier than she felt. "I'll try." I couldn't stop smili ng as I was amazed to realize again how she didn't want me to leave her "And you try to be safe, please." "Safe in Forks. What a challenge," she muttered sarcas tically. "For you it is a challenge. Promise." "I promise to try to be safe," sh e said, placating me. "I'll do the laundry tonight. That ought to be fraught wit h peril." "Don't fall in," I teased. "I'll do my best." It was clear that we wer e now simply stalling, so I reluctantly stood up. The sooner I finished hunting, the sooner I could get back to her. "I'll see you tomorrow." She sounded morose now. "It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" I asked, realizing again h ow every second away from her felt like an hour. She nodded at this, and I smile d again, gratified in an odd way that she felt pained about our time apart. "I'l l be there in the morning," I said, allowing myself to reach over to her face fo r only the third time and stroke down her fragile cheek bone. Her eyes sparked a t my touch as my fingers tingled from her warmth. I forced myself to turn quickl y and walk away. Once I was out of sight from the school, it didn't take long to run to Bella's house and climb through her window as I always did. The key was easy enough to find. I thought of Bella's incredulous face when I told her not t o worry about the key. Everything has a distinct smell, and humans weren't as se nsitive to this. It didn't take long to find it in a pocket of a pair of jeans u nder a pile of dirty clothes in the laundry room. I chuckled a little when I rea lized she wasn't kidding about needing to do laundry. I almost felt bad that I'd been keeping her so distracted. Almost. I drove her truck back to school and fi shed a piece of paper out of my pocket. I penned, "Be safe," across it and, as I gently folded my little reminder, wondered if Bella would think me too pessimis tic. It didn't seem likely that anything would happen to her in the few hours I was away, but I hoped that knowing I was thinking of her would make her especial ly cautious. It was never difficult to meet up with Alice when she always could see where I'd be going next, so quite soon, we were in the park hunting together . As we caught the scent of a few deer a hundred or so feet away, I made a face at the smell. She noticed my grimace and turned to me. "You know, I wouldn't hav e minded if you wanted to go farther for a better variety," she said. "I know, b ut I wanted to stay close to home."

Bella's ruined your appetite in more than one way it seems, she thought, laughin g at the face I made again. "Come on Let's get this over with." I rolled my eyes at her and we started to run. When we were on the way back from hunting, Alice was thinking of Bella and saw that she would take something to make her sleep mo re deeply than usual. Hey, that's it! She thought excitedly. You can practice be ing close to her since she took that, and there won't be a chance that you'll wa ke her up! "Alice," I said slowly shaking my head while I ran next to her, "It's already wrong for me to be in her room without her knowing I'm there when she's asleep, and now, what? You're saying I should lean over her and smell her so I can tempt myself even more to practice not killing her?" She shrugged. "Seems lo gical to me." I suppose it did, but it still seemed wrong. Once we got back home , I went straight to Bella's house to watch her sleep again. I couldn't help mys elf anymore, and after tomorrow she might not want to have anything to do with m e. How many minutes did I have left before the running and screaming came? Maybe Alice was right, and I should try and prepare myself more. It was better in thi s controlled environment and with her lying perfectly still. Charlie was in the next room, and that would remind me to stay grounded. It was right for me to kee p her safe by coming nearer to her than I normally would, but first I wanted to do something. She'd done laundry while I was hunting, and I wondered if she'd le ft any clean clothes unfolded. I went to the laundry room where I'd found her ke y earlier and saw two baskets full of clean clothes. One basket was folded, and the other wasn't. I moved quickly even for me, folding all the clothes in the ba sket in just a few minutes. A chuckle rumbled quietly in my chest as I pictured myself as the helpful vampire -elf and also how Alice had probably laughed at my odd behavior as soon as I thought of doing it. When I was back in Bella's room, my good mood made it easier to be nearer to her. My helpfulness didn't make my uninvited presence any more accep table, but it made me feel better. Less guilty . I did practice some as Alice had suggested, kneeling by Bella's bed. I watched her sleep from a much closer distance than I had before. She barely moved all n ight, lying on her back with her hair smoothed out across her pillow. One strand of hair slipped down from her pillow, and I leaned closer to look at it. I coul d see each individual hair and the slight variations in the brown, a slight red shone from one strand, an almost gold seemed to glow in another. The color all t ogether was more lively and glossy than a fresh chestnut. I wanted to run my fin gers through her hair. Just once while I was here, I pinched the little gatherin g of hair that had slipped down her pillow between my fingers and moved it up ab ove her head on her pillow again. I couldn't allow myself more, the overwhelming pull to be closer to her terrified me, and I moved away. Watching her from my u sual spot in the rocking chair, I began to wish that it were possible for me to sleepnot just so that I could be human and not be a continual source of danger to her, but just so that I could dream about her and speak her name in my own slee p. I left before dawn to run home and give her some time to wake and get ready b efore I ran back to her house. I changed clothes and cleaned up, only saying a b rief good morning to my family before taking off again. My nerves were frayed en ough as it was without their dubious, concern, and joyful thoughts hammering in on me from every side. I left quickly. The light of morning filtered through the trees as I ran to Bella's house. Since she'd said Charlie would be fishing toda y, I deduced that he would be long gone by the time I arrived. Not wanting to

interrupt her morning routine though, I stood off to one side of the house, just out of sight. I grinned when Bella peeked out the window not once, but twice, e ach time with increasing excitement. Far too anxious, I found myself knocking at her door a bit before our normal meeting time, but since I knew she was up, I c ouldn't seem to make myself wait any longer. As I listened to her fumble with th e lock, the gravity of the day seemed to come crashing back in on me. Worried fo r about the millionth time that we were making a mistake, I felt my mood darken as doubt filled me again. When Bella finally got the door open and was staring a doringly up at me, for a moment, all my worries disappeared. She looked lovely i n her tan sweater and blue jeans, casual, comfortable, and magnificently warm. T he neutral colors highlighted the pink in her cheeks and the warm brown of her e yes. "Good morning," I smiled, unable to stop myself from taking another head-to -toe look at her, and chuckled. "What's wrong?" "We match," I said lightly. I al ways liked when our dissimilarities were lessened. She smiled too when she saw w hat I was wearing. We walked toward the truck, and with a triumphant smirk, Bell a went straight to the driver's side, reminding me of our agreement. "We made a deal," she said, not hesitating for a moment before climbing in. I sighed, reluc tantly taking my seat on the passenger side. "Where to?" she asked. "Put your se at belt on I'm nervous already." She sighed but put on her belt and repeated, "W here to?" "Take the one-oh-one north," I instructed. I wasn't sure if it was bec ause of how wary I was about the day, or if I simply wasn't used to traveling at normal, human speeds, but Bella seemed to be driving slower than even the speed limit allowed. "Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" I teased, but it would take some time to hike to the meadow after all, and I didn' t want to waste our day in this oxidizing hunk of metal. "This truck is old enou gh to be your car's grandfather have some respect." Although I was tempted to re sume asking her questions, I didn't want anything to make her uncomfortable toda y, and she seemed perfectly content driving together in silence. I thought it od d at first most people were so eager to break the silence but after a few minute s, I decided to accept it with welcome relief. With my constantly having to hear everyone's internal chatter, I relished the quiet, and if Bella was happy, then I was happy. I leaned back and focused on the steady rhythm of her heart beat a nd quiet breathing. Alice had been right about pr acticing last night. Even thou gh the burn in my throat and scent of her blood was as potent it seemed more tol erable at this easy distance than when I was so close to her as she slept. I wai ted until the last possible moment to break our peaceful silence, by telling her , "Turn right on the one-ten." She turned, and I settled back into my seat again . "Now we drive until the pavement ends." "And what's there, at the pavement's e nd?" "A trail," I said noncommittally.

"We're hiking?" she asked, a hint of fear in her voice. I knew it wasn't her fir st choice for Saturday afternoon activities she'd never seemed the outdoorsy typ e but I was fairly certain the beauty of where we would end up would make it wor th it for her. "Is that a problem?" "No." She attempted a smile, but I could hea r her heart start to race. "Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're i n no hurry." We returned to our mutual silence, but now that I'd sensed her nerv ousness, it was not as comfortable as it had been before. Her heartbeat didn't s low, and small drops of sweat dewed along her hair line. What had she thought we were driving to? She couldn't have thought we were going to a populated area si nce I'd explained how she would get to see me in the sunlight. What else is ther e to do in the forest besides hike? Was she finally beginning to realize the dan ger? The evil huntsman taking Snow White into the forest to cut out her heart co uld be playing through her mind right now. Yet, I could not know this. "What are you thinking?" I finally asked. I felt like I'd asked it so many times before, and I never knew if she was telling me the whole truth or filtering for my benef it. "Just wondering where we're going," she said lightly. "It's a place I like t o go when the weather is nice," I said, glancing at the clouds Alice had promise d would be gone by later this morning. "Charlie said it would be warm today." Be lla nodded, she too was watching the clouds. I knew she'd been curious about the mystery of my appearance in the sun, and I could feel her growing more anxious as the moment of truth approached. Was that why her heart was racing? The ideas of what I could look like in sunlight. The odd alienness of a non-human? I was g rowing more nervous as the minutes ticked by, and I wondered again if she was st arting to see the danger in being alone with me. "And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" I asked hopefully. "Nope." I'd suspected as much, but I had a f all back plan. "But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" I confirmed . As much as I hated to think of Jessica during our day together, reminding myse lf without a doubt that I would be held responsible if Bella went missing seemed like the wisest thing to do. "No, I told her you canceled on me which is true." "No one knows you're with me?" The monster inside me reared up at the thought w hile venom pooled in my mouth. "That depends...I assume you told Alice?" "That's very helpful, Bella." My voice was far too harsh, and I hated myself for snappi ng at her, but I couldn't contain all the things that were simultaneously runnin g through me. Couldn't she have given me any help at all? "Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" I asked, too viciously again. I had to ge t myself under control.

"You said it might cause trouble for you...us being together publicly," she said calmly, as if it were the most normal thing in the world she were discussing. " So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me if you don't come home?" I was nearly snarling at her, though some remaining sane portion of my brain told me that she'd been acting out of the best intentions. The fact that those inten tions were utterly absurd, however, was hard to ignore. She just nodded in respo nse to my accusation. Looking for any outlet to channel my frustration, I starte d muttering under my breath. Of all the ridiculous things...she's looking out fo r me, doesn't even care about herself at all...how am I supposed to keep her saf e when she has no sense of self -preservation...no wonder she's always getting i nto trouble... I could feel the anxiety radiating from her. My change in mood ha dn't helped her already nervous attitude, and I was determined to regain my comp osure by the time we arrived at the end of the road. I focused again on her stea dy breathing and closed my eyes as the truck bumped over the road and came to a stop. She parked and got out of the car without looking at me, and I glanced ove r my shoulder to see her taking off her sweater. The heat didn't matter to me, b ut she'd wanted to see me in the sunlight and taking off my own sweater now woul d be more natural as I followed her example. "This way," I said. As I turned awa y from her to look into the dim forest, I unbuttoned the top few buttons of my w hite shirt, deciding that it would be less of a shock to her if she could get us ed to my inhuman skin before seeing it fully in the sun. "The trail?" she asked, and I felt a twinge of guilt for having misled her. I heard her frenzied steps as she circled the truck and stumbled to my side. "I said there was a trail at t he end of the road, not that we were taking it." I was still looking into the fo rest, trying to compose myself, not only of my own fearfulness and anger but of a sudden bashfulness. What would she think as she saw more of my alienness? "No trail?" she asked warily. I'd been hoping for something that would calm me, and sure enough, her panic was enough to remind me of my role as her protector. Veno m stopped pooling in my mouth, and I swallowed, my muscles relaxing. "I won't le t you get lost," I said, smiling as I turned to look at her. I had expected her to relax at my assurance, but she stared at my chest for a moment and her face l ooked angry and even slightly sad. She was shocked at how different I am, I was sure of it. That could explain the sadness, but the anger? Maybe I'd done more d amage than I realized by speaking harshly to her before. I couldn't think what e lse could cause this reaction. "Do you want to go home?" I asked, part of me hop ing she wouldn't want to go through with o ur plans today. "No," she said, stepp ing closer. She looked at me as if I were the one going to run away. I couldn't understand what her expressions meant. "What's wrong?" I asked softly, cursing m yself for having upset her. "I'm not a good hiker. You'll have to be very patien t," she said, and even without being able to read her mind, I knew she wasn't te lling me the whole truth. Still, I didn't want to force her to talk about anythi ng she wasn't comfortable with. "I can be patient," I said, playing along. "If I make a great effort."

I'd tried to make my voice light and teasing, hoping to urge a smile from her. T hough the corner of her mouth turned up, she still looked miserable. Great. I'd ruined our whole day because of my own fears and insecurities, but if our time e nded with her being too upset by how different I am and she runs, then, at least she will finally be safe. So what if no one knew we were together. I knew we we re together, and that I was personally responsible for keeping her safe. That wo uld be enough. It had to be. When she still didn't speak, I sighed deeply. "I'll take you home," I offered, giving her one more chance to retreat if it was what she truly wanted. I felt I was back to my former, more trustworthy self, but if I'd frightened her too deeply to proceed, I would respect her wishes. "If you w ant me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way." She nearly spat the words at me, and I was baffled that her mo od today seemed to be shifting as often as mine usually did. She just stood ther e, glaring at me, and I eventually realized she was waiting for me to decide. Al though at the moment, neither of us seemed emotionally stable enough to go throu gh with our plans. I started walking, knowing I couldn't disappoint her. I did m y best to help make the hike easier for Bella, hoping that would improve her moo d. As I helped her through the rougher parts in the forest, the electricity betw een us unbelievably heightened each time I accidentally touched her skin. Occasi onally, I noticed her glancing in my direction, but she still seemed upset. I wa sn't sure how to respond to this new mood of hers. Was I really this repulsive? Of course I was, but she seemed determined to follow through with our plans rega rdless. Hoping to break her from her sullen mood, I asked her a few random quest ions that I didn't have a chance to get to in the last two days. I found out tha t birthdays had never been a big thing for her. Bella's Mom generally threw some thing together at the last minute and often the plans wouldn't work out, so they 'd do something quiet and at home. "That's how I like it," she shrugged. "Usuall y when my Mom tried to do something big, I could talk her out of it before it go t out of hand." "What was your favorite birthday present?" I asked, wondering wh at sorts of trinkets she liked. "I can't remember any that stand out." She shrug ged. Hmmwas this normal for humans? To care so little about birthdays and present s? Perhaps this was another thing I could remedy for her, but knowing Alice as I did, she'd already be planning the next big events for several years down the r oad and all their possibilities depending on the decisions that her new "best fr iend" could make regarding them. Later, I asked about her grade school teachers, wondering if she'd had a favorite teacher that influenced her. I asked anything and everything I could think of to try to make her smile. Eventually, she start ed to relax again, and I noticed it made her pace speed up slightly. "Did you ha ve any pets as a child?" I asked. "Well, my Mom is allergic to dogs, so that was out. I did get a goldfish once, but it died, and after the third replacement di ed too, I just gave up on the whole institution." I laughed loudly.

Both our moods were beginning to brighten, and the more animated she became, tal king about her life, the faster she seemed to climb over the trees and rocks. Sh e even stumbled significantly less. As the hours passed, the clouds began to dis appear. The sun was shining, but the trees c reated a dense cover above us. Bell a's expression brightened when she looked up toward the green light brightening above us. "Are we there yet?" she asked, feigning a frown at me. "Nearly," I pro mised, feeling my own anticipation growing. "Do you see the brightness ahead?" " Um, should I?" she asked, squinting. "Maybe it's a bit soon for your eyes," I te ased. "Time to visit the optometrist," she mumbled. I slowed down as we approach ed the trees that veiled the sun -lit meadow from Bella's view and watched as sh e hurried toward the glow of light. She looked like an explorer about to unlock a hidden treasure. Walking a few steps behind her, I found myself holding my bre ath as she burst through the edge of the forest and stepped into the sun. Her sk in bathed in t warm light, and he her hair shone with that same reddish tint tha t I saw only once before. Only today, unlike that time before, I would be able t o stand beside her in the sun. I waited at the edge of the meadow, still hidden under the shade of the tress. Bella walked slowly through the grass, sighing app reciatively. I couldn't help but smile right along with her but for a different reason. The beauty of the meadow could have been a swamp in contrast to how love ly she was in comparison. Her fair skin glowed delicately in the light, as if sh e were a rare porcelain doll, and her reddish brown hair shimmered and moved as she walked. I wanted desperately to join her, but I couldn't bring myself to ste p out into the sunlight yet. She needed to truly take in all the beauty of my pe rsonal sanctuary before I forever marred it by adding the image of myself. Of co urse she would be frightened, and her odd behavior before we started hiking conf irmed my fears. Yet, would she be frightened enough to run away? Or would she ha ve some other odd reaction that I never could seem to predict? Soon she seemed t o realize that I wasn't next to her and turned to look for me. I was surprised t hat her expression was concerned and feared for a moment that I had walked too f ar into the s un and inadvertently revealed the truth before I was ready. Then h er eyes found mine, and her face instantly softened. She took a step towards me and reached her hand out like she wanted me to take it and join her. As much as I wanted to hold her hand in mine, longed to feel that spark her touch always ig nited, I refused to feel the rejection that would most certainly follow when she saw my alienness. I couldn't bear to feel her hand ripped away from mine when t he repulsion set in. So I held my hand up, silently urging her to wait just a li ttle longer. I sighed and took in a deep breath of air I didn't need. Preparing for the worst, I closed my eyes and stepped out into the sunlight. Confessions 15 As I lay on the grass, my skin reflecting a rainbow of light on Bella's face, all I could think was, She can see what I really look like and she's still with me. She hadn't run. I'd expected fear, curiosity, repulsion, but her main expre ssion seemed to be a pleasant surprise. I didn't understand her.

I could not comprehend how her reaction was possible, and couldn't help but wond er what else she was thinking and not saying. Yet all I wanted to do at this mom ent was bask in her acceptance. I could finally be myself with her, and even mor e astonishing was that she s eemed to want me to be myself. I kept my eyes close d for the most part and just let her get used to seeing me. Occasionally I peeke d at her when my curiosity got the better of me, but her expression was the same surprised enjoyment. So odd. All she did was sit near me with her hands and chi n resting on her knees and stared at me. Her warm brown eyes were deep pools of wonder. She looked at me as if I would disappear at any moment and seemed to be memorizing me in case I vanished. I so often felt that way wh I en watched her s leep, that it only seemed far that I should give her a similar opportunity to lo ok at me. More than once I wanted to reach out to her, to touch her warm, sun -k issed skin, but wasn't sure she would appreciate the gesture and the coldness I would inflict. Besides, she was still getting used to me. To calm this desire, I sang Bella's lullaby softly. Eventually she asked me what I was doing. I told h er I was singing, but wasn't ready to explain that she'd inspired it's compositi on. The wind tangled her hair gently and blew her scent around me, but the pain and thirst were easier to manage after being near her as much as I had in the la st week. I felt a warm tingle on the back of my hand and opened my eyes to see h er stroking my skin with one sh aking finger. I smiled and asked the question th at I'd wondered ever since I stepped into the sun, "I don't scare you?" I tried to keep the question light, playful, even though I meant it seriously. "No more than usual," she said, Her reaction made me smile even wider. and I wondered how much I usually scared her. I closed my eyes again, enjoying her light touch, an d heard her move closer to me as she traced invisible lines up my arm. "Do you m ind?" Her voice sounded shy. "No," I said, thinking that her touch was better th an anything I'd known in the whole of my existence. The tingling fire that I fel t in my hand each time I'd touched her face was nothing compared to this. I sigh ed. "You can't imagine how that feels." She traced back down my arm to the insid e of my elbow. I flipped my hand over so she could trace my palm. She jumped whe n I did this, and I opened my eyes for a second, worried that I'd frightened her , but was relieved to find that she was only startled. "Sorry," I closed my eyes again, "It's just so easy to be myself with you." She lifted my hand then and I saw her holding my palm inches away from her face staring with an unreadable ex pression. With no other voice in my head but my own, and this mysterious mind ne xt to me, I couldn't help myself from finally asking, "Tell me what you are thin king. It's still so strange for me, not knowing." "You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time." Touch. "It's a hard life," I said, trying to keep the sa rcasm out of my tone. I thought again of how much I wished I could be human with her. I would give up everything and endure the fire of the venom again if I cou ld be human, to be close to her without fighting the desire to take slaughter he r at each second. "But you didn't tell me," I reminded her. "I was wishing I cou ld know what you were thinking" she hesitated.

Another deflection. "And?" "I was wishing that I could believe that you were rea l. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid." "I don't want you to be afraid," I s aid softly. How could I so often want her to fear me and yet still wish she didn 't? Was it right to desire her trust if I didn't deserve it? "Well, that's not e xactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about." Surp rised, I sat up to look more closely into her eyes. What did she mean? I was so curious that I didn't realize I'd allowed myself to be closer than I'd ever been before. My face was only a few inches away from hers when I asked, "What are yo u afraid of then?" Instead of answering me, she leaned closer and breathed in de eply. The pulsing rhythm at her throat and the maddening scent of her blood assa ulted my every sense. The monster within rejoiced and nearly took over my mind. I could only run the other way, ripping my hand from her grasp. At the edge of t he meadow I stared at her, fighting to regain control of my mind. The monster gn ashed it's teethe, attempting to break free from my careful control. "I'm sorry Ed ward," she whispered her face full of shock and hurt. "Give me a moment," I said , and as I looked at her sad, longing eyes, I knew I could deserve her. She saw something I never wanted her to experience, just how close I was to losing contr ol and killing her. I felt ashamed, hating myself again. How could she ever beli eve I love her when she knew how desperately I was trying not to murder her? Aft er a few seconds the venom stopped pooling in my mouth. I held my breath as I wa lked slowly towards here, making sure that I could come nearer without hurting h er. Assuring myself that I was in control again. When I sat down a few feet away , I was composed enough to take a few experimental breaths. She still looked so sad that I smiled hoping to comfort her. "I am so sorry," I said, and then wanti ng to lighten the mood with a joke I added, "Would you understand what I meant i f I said I was only human?" She only nodded once without smiling and slowly her heart rate quickened as understanding spread across her face. I could smell the adrenaline pulsing through her veins. She finally fully understood. She was afra id of me. Though I hadn't imagined it possible, it only made her smell more desi rable. I smiled at the irony. Isn't this what I'd wanted? For her to be afraid o f me enough to leave so I couldn't hurt her? I could guess what she was thinking now, but I needed to say it out loud. She had to fully understand what I was. " I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in - my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!" Without thinking I ju mped up again and raced around the meadow in half a second. "As if you could out run me," I laughed humorlessly, and grabbed a two -foot-thick branch from a spru ce. Ripping it from the trunk, I threw it into another tree, leaving a gash in i t's bark when the branch shattered into it. I ran back to stand two feet in fron t of her then, willing her to finally realize why she should leave, why I should have left long ago. "As if you could fight me off," I said gently, wanting her to understand. She needed to know what I was.

Her eyes were wide staring at me, more afraid than I'd ever seen her, but she di dn't run. Suddenly, I realized that I didn't want her to leave. I didn't care if it would be better for us both if she did. All I could feel was regret for my r ash behavior. "Don't be afraid," I pleaded. Suddenly it didn't matter that I cou ldn't deserve her because I would never stop trying. "I promise" I started to say , stopping when I realized the statement wasn't strong enough. "I swear not to h urt you." In that instant I decided that I was strong enough. I would keep her s afe from myself. It didn't make any of this easier, but making that decision gav e me enough determination to keep my promise. When she didn't respond I wondered if I was already too late. Had I scared her too much? If she left now it would be only what I deserve, but I was selfish enough to try again. "Don't be afraid, " I whispered taking a slow step towards her. Cautiously watching her stunned ex pression, I sat down even more slowly just a foot away, and said, "Please forgiv e me. I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now." She still didn't say anything and I sought to lighten this dark mood. "I' m not thirsty today, honestly," I winked, and at that, she finally laughed breat hlessly. "Are you all right?" I asked, wanting to reverse time and have her trus t again. I carefully put my hand back in hers and she looked down at it before l ooking into my eyes. Then looking down at my hand again, she started to delibera tely trace my skin with h finger tips. She er looked at me then with a timid smi le, and I smiled brightly back, ecstatic that she still wanted to be near me. "S o where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" "I honestly can't remember." Again , I felt ashamed for my behavior as I perfectly remembered what she'd said befor e I frightened her. "I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason." "Oh, right." "Well?" I prompted, but she just went back to tracing my hand. How could a few moments seem like an eternity to an immortal? A fter several seconds ticked slowly by, I couldn't stand the silence anymore. "Ho w easily frustrated I am," I sighed. She looked at me then with a new spark of u nderstanding in her eyes and immediately said, "I was afraid because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay wit h you, much more than I should." She looked down again depriving me of her eyes to know further what she meant. There seemed to be more, but I could understand what she already said. It was what I'd 'd expected. She'd thought of becoming a vampire and doesn't want that. "Yes," I nodded, "That is something to be afraid of indeed." I thought of the horror of taking her soul away, and Alice's vision of her with blood red eyes, no longer the deep brown that revealed so much to me when her voice did not. The vision couldn't show if Bella regretted the change or if she hated me for ever coming into her life. "That is something to be afrai d of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."

She frowned when I said that, and I said again what I'd been thinking for so lon g, "I should have left long ago. I should leave now, but I don't know if I can." "I don't want you to leave," she mumbled, staring at my hand. "Which is exactly why I should," I said, thinking again of why she shouldn't care for me. "But do n't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should." "I'm glad." "Don't be!" I pulled my hand from hers thinking o f how her scent burned in my throat at this moment and every other. I knew what I was and I never could escape this life. "It's not only your company I crave! N ever forget that. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone el se." I stared into the forest, disgusted at how I'd had to run away from her jus t a few minutes ago to keep myself from sinking my teeth into her neck. "I don't think I understand exactly what you mean - by that last part anyway," she said. I smiled at the simple curiosity in her expression, and the irony considering t he subject she so calmly brought up. "How do I explain? And without frightening you again hmmm." I put my hand back in hers and looked down as she tightly held m y hand again in both of hers. "That is amazingly pleasant, the warmth," I admitt ed, and then thought of how I could explain her scent without using a food analo gy. When I couldn't think of anything else that would make any sense to her I ju st hoped the analogy wouldn't be too offensive. "You know how everyone enjoys di fferent flavors? Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry? " She nodded. "Sorry about the food analogy - I couldn't think of another way to explain." She smiled encouragingly, and I smiled back wryly knowing that she wa s encouraging my explanation and not the topic behind it. "You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glas s of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac - and filled the room wi th it's warm aroma - how do you think he would fare then?" We sat silently, star ing into each other's eyes. She seemed to be trying to read my mind now as I'd s o often tried to read hers. I thought the analogy wasn't vivid enough so I attem pted a different one. "Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a her oin addict instead." "So what you're saying," understanding sparking in her eyes , "Is, I'm your brand of heroin?" Her tone sounded teasing, though her observati on was quite accurate. "Yes," I smiled rejoicing that I could make her understan d even a little bit. "You are exactly my brand of heroin." "Does that happen oft en?"

I looked away from her, feeling ashamed again for what I am and what I've done. "I spoke to my brothers about it," I started to say, not wanting to admit the tr uth of our dark world, but she needed to know. "To Jasper, every one of you is m uch the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him t o abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in sme ll, in flavor." I looked at her then wondering if I'd offended her when I refere nced tasting human blood. "Sorry," "I don't mind. Please don't worry about offen ding me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can unders tand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can." I looked into the sky, away from her eyes and took a deep breathe before finishing my explanation . "So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as," I paused looking for the right word. Appetizing? Delectable? Savory? Umm "Appealing as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger th an the other." "And for you?" "Never." She seemed to be watching the word I'd ju st spoken as if it were hung in the air in between us. "What did Emmett do?" Tha t was the wrong question to ask, and I wasn't going to answer it. I clenched my fist inside of her open hands, willing myself to not think of what I'd seen in h is mind when Bella was so near to me, so fragile and accepting. "I guess I know, " she finally said. I looked at her then wanting her to understand just how hard it was for us to deny our nature in the first place, to live the lifestyle that we'd chosen. Trying to defend Emmett I said, "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?" "What are you asking? My permission?" Her voice was sharp er than I'd ever heard it. Then more quietly she asked, "I mean, is there no hop e, then?" "No, no! Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't" I stared in to her eyes wishing I could make her see just how much she meant to me, how much I'd already suffered through, forcing myself to keep her safe. "It's different for us. Emmett these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, a nd he wasn't as practiced, as careful, as he is now." I watched her as she though t of these things and understanding flickered in her eyes. "So if we'd met.. Oh, in a dark alley or something" "It took everything I had not to jump up in the mi ddle of that class full of children and -" I couldn't finish the thought and loo ked away from her, swallowing the venom that pooled in my mouth. The repulsion I felt for myself made it easier to speak of these things without bringing back t he uncertainty that I'd felt at the beginning of the day. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and the re. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wou ldn't have been able to stop myself." I looked at her then, remembering my ruden ess that day. "You must have thought I was possessed."

"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly" "To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to rui n me. The fragrance coming off your skin I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking o f my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I cou ld speak the words that would make you follow" I looked at her then seeing the sh ocked realization spreading across her face. She had no id that she'd been ea in such danger. "You would have come," I said, expecting her to deny it. "Without a doubt." I looked at our hands again frowning at my futile attempts to avoid he r. "And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoi d you, you were there - in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening . I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there - s o easily dealt with." She shivered once, and then again. She was realizing what really was going on that day. Probably picturing too much, so I went on quickly, "But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you any more, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home - I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was ve ry wrong - and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving." Of all the things I'd told her throughout the day, I didn't unders tand how that would be the piece of information that shocked her. But there she sat, wide eyed and clearly surprised. Didn't she realize that I'd left? I'd thou ght about her every second I was away. I wanted to ask her what she did during t hose days. It had been nagging at me, wondering what I'd missed during my pathet ic escape attempt, but her eyes were urging me to continue, and this day was her s. "I traded cars with him - he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop . I didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary" I paused, as hamed to be admitting my cowardice. "By the next morning I was in Alaska. "I spe nt two days there, with some old acquaintances but I was homesick. I hated knowin g I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of th e mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude , not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl" - I grinned thinking of how blind I was then to this beautiful woman sitting bef ore me - "to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back" I looked awa y from her then, letting the truth finally spill out, "I took precautions, hunti ng, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was stron g enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it. "It was unq uestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know wha t your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous meas ures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you reall y meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." I would save her from t he knowledge of just how irritating it really had been hearing Jessica's unkind thoughts and seeing Mike's fantasies. "I wanted you to forget my behavior that f irst day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were to o interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions and every now and the n you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun m e again

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes." I knew t his was the answer to the question that had plagued her for far too long, so I c ontinued quickly, "Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment - because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled the re in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us fo r what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'" I closed my eyes, agonizing for what I am and for admitt ing all of it. Out loud, my confession sounded so much more horrendous to my own ears. "In the hospital?" she asked, and I was startled that after all I'd confe ssed, she was still searching for more answers from my darkest moments. How much more truth could she take? Yet I forced myself to continue. "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power - yo u of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." We both flinched as I let that word slip out and I continued quickly, "But it had the opposite effe ct. I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was t he time the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice." I tri ed my best not to show anything on my face, but it was impossible to think of Al ice and that night without also thinking about her two unacceptable visions for Bella's future. "Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay." I shook my head remembering her motherly thoughts of wanting me to stay and rejoicing a t Alice's vision that I'd fall in love with Bella. "All that next day," I went o n, "I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become mor e involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair it hit me as hard as the very first day." I looked into her eyes then thinking of my love for her. "A nd for all that, I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all at that first mom ent, than if now, here - with no witnesses and nothing to stop me - I were to hu rt you." "Why?" she asked, not seeing, even though I'd told her everything I'd d one to keep her safe, how much I love her. "Isabella," I carefully said, wanting her to fully understand how much she meant to me, and then quickly decided it m ight be better to keep the mood lighter, I ruffled her hair playfully. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." I dropped my head again in shame. "The thought of you, still, white, coldto never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses it would be unendurable." With that, I met her gaze and all the pain I was feeling, all the agony I'd suffered fighting th e monster inside disappeared, and I realized that there was no reason to hide my feelings. She was finally going to know the truth. She would finally understand . "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ev er." I watched her closely she didn't say anything, and I wondered if I'd said t oo much. If she could ever care for me after I'd admitted my abhorrent desire an d cowardice. She stared at our hands for a moment and then said, "You already kn ow how I feel, of course. I'm herewhich, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." She frowned for a moment and then said, "I'm an i diot." That sent me over the edge. I grinned, like the absolute fool that I was and laughed in agreement, because her reactions really were ridiculous. "You are an idiot," I said and as I laughed she looked into my eyes and laughed with me. We laughed together at the sheer impossibility of our love and what had brought us to this moment.

Then we just smiled at each other for a while. "And so the lion fell in love wit h the lamb" I finally said, and she looked away, hiding her eyes, but her heart r ate sped up and her hands felt warmer around mine than they had bef re. I o reco gnized her shy reaction at my confession of love, and if she needed time to let it sink in, I'd give her as much as she needed. I'd give her anything. "What a s tupid lamb," she sighed. "What a sick, masochistic lion," I said, correcting her . I looked back to the forest where I'd had to run from her only a few minutes b efore. "Why?" she began, pausing uncomfortably. I smiled, encouraging her to cont inue. "Yes?" "Tell me why you ran from me before." "You know why," I said bitter ly, not wanting to think of it again, more determined than ever to keep complete and perfect control when we were together, to never let her be afraid again. "N o, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example" - she stroked t he back of my hand again - "seems to be all right." I smiled again, enjoying her touch. "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault." "But I want to h elp, if I can, to not make this harder for you," she insisted, tender concern wr itten on her face. "Well," I said reluctantly, not wanting to re-live the moment , but wanting to be honest with her. "It was just how close you were. Most human s instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our aliennessI wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat." I said urgently, the burn flaring in my own throat again as I remembered, but I was in control this time. There was nothing for her to worry about and I checked to make sure her eyes wer en't fearful. "Okay, then," she said as if I were talking about something compl etely unimportant, rather than her survival. Then in possibly the cutest gesture I'd ever seen her make, she tucked her chin under her collar, smiled, and said, "No throat exposure." I laughed, ecstatic that I was able to talk openly with h er about everything now. Of course I didn't want her to think she needed to star t wearing turtlenecks everyday, so I quickly clarified. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else." Slowly, I reached up to touch the side of her neck. Her skin was so soft, so delicate, and I wondered what it would be like t o brush against it with my nose my lips... She seemed to like my touch as much as I relished hers, so I left my hand on her neck, feeling her pulse under my fing ertips. "You see," I told her calmly. "Perfectly fine." And I really was. Even a s I listened to her pulse race, took in her luxurious scent, I couldn't feel eve n the slightest lapse in my control. All I could think about was how I wanted to touch her more and make her heart race faster. The man was finally winning the battle with the monster. Even though part of my mind still gnashed for control m y decision to never hurt her gave me that strength that I'd been so

desperate for. Knowing this and feeling overwhelmed with the thought that I coul d finally touch her the way I'd longed to do, I decided to test myself just a bi t further. As Bella's heart raced, her cheeks turned their familiar shade of pin k. I didn't want her to be embarrassed about her reactions to me. I enjoyed them . They reminded me that at least some part of her longed for me as I longed for her and gave me another glimpse into her mind. "The blush on your cheeks is love ly," I said softly, and watched, pleased as the shade deepened. Reluctantly, I t ook my other hand from hers and it fell lifelessly to her side. She didn't want me to let go either. It was the most amazing feeling to be so wanted. Eager to s how her my intentions, I brushed my fingers lightly along her soft cheek. She si ghed and I felt her relax beneath my touch. Encouraged, I brought my other hand up from her neck and cupped her face delicately between my hands, always aware o f how utterly breakable she was. "Be very still," I whispered. Keeping my eyes l ocked with hers, I silently reminded her not to make any sudden movements as I l eaned closer. My fingers were still tingling from the sensation of touching her face and neck. I wanted to feel that warmth on my face, wanted to feel that much more human with her. I pressed my cheek against the hollow at the base of her t hroat, and took one shallow breath to see how much more potent her scent would b e in such close proximity. The thirst raked at my throat, but I was so happy to be touching her that I could almost forget the pain. Assured that I was still in complete control, I listened to her uneven heart beat and her quick breathing, reveling in the fact that it wasn't brought on by fear. When her breathing slowe d, I carefully let my hands slide down the sides of her neck. She shivered and m y breath caught in my throat. I marveled at the impossibility that she cared for me and wanted me near her as much as I wanted her. I left my hands resting on h er shoulders and brushed my nose gently across her collarbone, inhaling her swee tness. The burn in my throat was nearly forgotten because I was finally touching her as I'd longed to do, and she was actually safe in my arms. So often, since the moment that I'd realized I loved her, I had wished this were possible. My no se and face tingled as I skimmed down her collar bone to her chest, pressing my ear to the thumping rhythm of her heart. Eventually her heart slowed to a normal pace and she relaxed into me. I lost all track of time, treasuring each preciou s beat of her heart. I realized then that there was a middle point to Alice's vi sions and we were enjoying it now. Now I knew that I could be with her as she wa s. She could stay human, she wouldn't have to lose her soul to be with me or ris k near death every time I was in her presence. I could be near her, even as clos e as this, feeling her warm breath in my hair, and she would be safe. Impossibly , I'd made myself safe enough for her to be near me. The side of my face grew wa rmer the longer I held my ear against her heart, and eventually I no longer felt the burn in my throat at all because so many new human emotions and desires wer e overshadowing it and growing stronger as I held her. I sighed, finally releasi ng her. "It won't be so hard again," I said assuredly. "Was that very hard for y ou?" she asked. "Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?" "No, it wasn't badfor me." I smiled at her inflection. "You know what I mean."

She smiled, and I took her hand. "Here," I said, placing her hand on my face. "D o you feel how warm it is?" Her eyes were intent. "Don't move," she whispered. I closed my eyes and held perfectly still as she traced the outlines of my cheek, up to my forehead, down across my eye lids, tracing a warm tingle down my nose, and across my lips. Feelings I had never known filled me as she touched my face and mouth. I let my lips part and breathed her scent in, almost tasting her swe etness and feeling the tingly fire from her finger tips spread through my lips. Did she have any idea what she was doing to me? This feeling was so new, and so completely unexpected. On the one hand I wanted to pull her close and inhale her luscious scent until it drove me mad. But more than that, I felt a new kind of desire, one I hadn't believed myself capable of and still didn't understand full y. My lips burned under her touch in a completely different way than my throat. Too soon, she stopped. I opened my eyes then, hungry for more, and I saw the des ire in her eyes as well. Could I find the strength to kiss her as well? I pictur ed leaning into her and feeling the heat of her lips against mine. Her pulse spe ed as my eyes bore into hers. "I wish," I started to say, "I wish you could feel thecomplexitythe confusionI feel. That you could understand." I lifted my hand to her hair and gently brushed back a strand that had blown across her face. "Tell me," she breathed. "I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hun ger - the thirst - that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I th ink you can understand that, to an extent. Though" - I half-smiled - "as you are not addicted to any illegal substance, you probably can't empathize completely. But" I paused, lightly tracing her lips with my fingertips remembering her touch on my own. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me." "I may understand that better than you think." She smiled. "I'm not used to feeling so human," I admitted, "Is it always like this?" "For me?" S he paused. "No, never. Never before this." I held her hands in mine, looking at their fragile delicacy. Could I always be able to handle her as softly as I need ed to and not break her? "I don't know how to be close to you," I said aloud. "I don't know if I can." She leaned closer to me, cautioning me with her eyes and placed her cheek against my chest. "This is enough," she sighed. Even with her d esirable scent floating around her head right under my nose and completely vulne rable leaning against me, at each moment I felt more human. I carefully wrapped my arms around her and leaned my face against her hair. "You're better at this t han you give yourself credit for," she commented. "I have human instincts - they may be buried deep, but they're there." And they were, so many new feelings tha t I'd never known. I never could have known them in all the decades of my existe nce because she wasn't alive then. We held each other until the light began to f ade and the shadows of the trees crept close to us. She sighed and I knew what s he must be thinking.

"You have to go." "I thought you couldn't read my mind." "It's getting clearer." I smiled at how I was beginning to know her in so many ways. Then I had an idea and pulled her away from me so that I could look at her face. "Can I show you s omething?" I was excited that she could now be close enough to me to experience this. "Show me what?" "I'll show you how I travel in the forest." She looked ner vous. "Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster ." I grinned in anticipation, sure that she'd enjoy the ride as much as I always enjoyed running. "Will you turn into a bat?" she asked warily. I had to laugh t hen, the look on her face was priceless. "Like I haven't heard that one before!" "Right, I'm sure you get that all the time." "Come on, little coward, climb on my back." She hesitated still looking at me as if I'd turn into some winged crea ture at any moment. I smiled at the thought, and reaching for her, I swung her o nto my back. She clamped her legs and arms around me and said, "I'm a bit heavie r than your average backpack." "Hah!" I snorted, rolling my eyes at the thought of her feathery lightness being a problem for me. In fact, I had never felt so l ight as I did now. I took her hand and pressed her palm to my nose, inhaling dee ply. "Easier all the time." I noted. And then I couldn't hold my excitement in a ny longer. I started running. The exhilaration was even more intense as I realiz ed just how far we'd come today. I never thought it would be possible to be so c lose to her, and when I remembered her fingertip on my lips I wondered again if it would be possible to be closer still, to kiss her. I'd never even considered this as remotely possible before today, but I was certain now that if it became too hard for me, I would be able to stop. I wouldn't hurt her. I was sure of thi s now, and my joy at this revelation led me to run even faster. We were at her t ruck in just a few minutes. "Exhilarating, isn't it?" I said when I stopped, the n waited for her to climb off my back. When she didn't move I was worried. "Bell a?" "I think I need to lie down," she gasped. "Oh, sorry," I said, realizing tha t she might be feeling some motion sickness, but she still didn't move. "I think I need help." Her voice was weak.

I gently loosened her hold on me and couldn't help laughing quietly. I was still so elated with this new sensation of having her close without fear. I moved her from my back and cradled her in my arms for a moment before laying her on some springy turf. "How do you feel?" I asked, observing the look that I'd seen befor e - after the blood-typing in biology. "Dizzy, I think." "Put your head between your knees," I suggested, remembering how it had helped her then.. Eventually, s he raised her head. She still looked pale. "I guess that wasn't the best idea," I thought aloud. "No, it was very interesting." Her voice was still shaky. "Hah! You're as white as a ghost - no, you're as white as me!" "I think I should have closed my eyes." "Remember that next time." "Next time!" She groaned in alarm. I laughed again at the look on her face. "Show-off," she muttered. I knew that i t would just be a matter of practice, like everything else about our relationshi p. She was apart of my world now, and I was apart of hers. I leaned close to her face, wanting more to practice. "Open your eyes, Bella," I said quietly. She wa s surprised, but didn't shy away, so I continued, "I was thinking, while I was r unning" I hesitated, trying to find the right words. "About not hitting the trees , I hope." "Silly Bella," I chuckled. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about." "Show-off," she muttered again. I smiled at he r. "No, I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." I took her soft fac e, holding it gently between my palms, and for a moment, she stopped breathing a ltogether. It wasn't until then that I realized I'd been holding my breath. I to ok one careful breath in. Even with her face inches from mine, her intoxicating scent filling my nose, and her moist lips parting as she realized what I wanted to do - I was in control. I moved very slowly toward her until I could taste her scent as well as smell it. Her breath washing over my face was so warm, just li ke her touch, and I paused to marvel at how wonderful it felt. Taking another de ep and cautious breath I knew I was still in control, and I watched her eyes clo se softly. A quiet sigh escaped her lips and it was all the reassurance I needed . There was no need great enough to make me harm her, now or ever. So I let my o wn eyes close, and pressed my lips to hers. It was the most magnificent feeling, the painless burning that I felt from her fingertips multiplied into a tingling passion. I could taste her on my lips but it didn't ignite the painful thirst a s I had

expected. It made me long for more of her embrace. The electricity that sparked between us when we touched was now a bolt of lightning. Suddenly, Bella's heart beat erratically and I could smell adrenaline pumping through her veins. Her fin gers knotted in my hair as she pulled me closer. Her warm lips parted with wild gasps, and the hint of her flavor became a real taste as her breath and saliva f ound my tongue. Her reaction was too much. I froze, clamping my jaw shut. Gently , I moving her face a few inches away from me while simultaneously forcing the b east back under my control. I held my breath for a moment as I stared into her e yes to calm myself. The maddening desire to drink her blood raged inside of me, gnashing at the bars of my control. After a moment of taking in my expression sh e just whispered, "Oops." "That's an understatement," I said with the air that I was holding in my lungs. She tried to move her head from between my hands and s aid, "Should I?" Probably thinking it would be easier for me, but I didn't want h er to disturb the air with her scent and looking into her eyes was helping me. " No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please." I was growing more practiced wit h controlling myself. I could hear the snarling and desire ringing in my head, b ut it wouldn't escape my control. And after a few moments, I'd calmed myself eno ugh to breathe normally again and let her go. I smiled slightly at the thought o f her reaction to my kiss. "There." "Tolerable?" she asked. I laughed, thrilled by the success. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know." "I wish I coul d say the same. I'm sorry." I wasn't quite as sorry for her reaction as she seem ed to be and joked. "You are only human, after all." "Thanks so much," she said, looking annoyed. I jumped to my feet then and offered her my hand. She still se emed a bit off balance and I was enjoying the fact that now I could take her han d in mine and act like myself around her. For so long I'd wished I could simply hold her hand and we'd come much farther than I'd imagined could be possible. I felt carefree for the first time in so long, it probably would have made me dizz y if I were human. "Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing exper tise?" I teased, grinning at how utterly human I felt at this moment. For the fi rst time in my existence I was untroubled by my monstrous desires. Today, the be ast was the loser. "I can't be sure, I'm still woozy," she said shakily, "I thin k it's some of both, though." "Maybe you should let me drive." "Are you insane?" She gasped, shock written on her face. Was she teasing me?

"I can drive better than you on your best day," I said. Her fear of my driving o f all things was what was insane. "You have much slower reflexes." "I'm sure tha t's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it." "Some trust, please, Bella." It seemed a silly thing to remind her when she'd already truste d me with her life so often today. She pursed her lips and stared at me a moment before shaking her head. "Nope. Not a chance." I couldn't believe what she was saying to me. Was she really that afraid of my driving? I didn't think she was r eally serious till she started to walk to the drivers side. When she swayed slig htly, I caught her around the waist and said, "Bella, I've already expended a gr eat deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to le t you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk," I quoted, chuckling at the thought of wh y she appeared that way. "Drunk?" she objected. "You're intoxicated by my very p resence." I grinned, enjoying the fact that she felt the same way around me as I felt when I was with her. "I can't argue with that," she sighed and dropped the keys, knowing I'd catch them before they hit the ground. "Take it easy - my tru ck is a senior citizen." "Very sensible," I nodded. I wouldn't mind driving slow ly this once. "And are you not affected at all? By my presence?" She sounded ann oyed. I looked at her then, willing her to understand just how much I loved her. I simply bent my face to hers and brushed my lips slowly along her jaw. Back an d forth from her ear to her chin, breathing in her intoxicating aroma. Inside I felt like I could be drunk, reeling from her touch, her scent, and this new exub erance after being depressed and unsure for so long. "Regardless," I finally mur mured, "I have better reflexes." The trucks sluggish speed and loud engine seemed like a blessing now instead of a frustration, because I was holding Bella's hand. After today's accomplishments I thought that nothing could bother me again. It didn't matter right now about the future, of right and wrong, of Alice's visions, I could only enjoy this mome nt. We were closer now than I'd ever dreamed possi le. I'd not only b been able to control myself enough to kiss her, but she had actually wanted me too. I had never kissed anyone before today (at least not this kind of kiss) and I smiled a gain at her reaction. We drove south-west, and as I looked into the setting sun, I thought of what Bella meant to me. I'd thought of an analogy before, but now it was more true than ever. Her chestnut hair blowing out the open window, twist ing in and out, tangling around her neck and shoulder, and her exquisite face be aming up at me. She was my sun. I didn't know how or why I was so fortunate that she could care for me. It was an impossibility. The sun rising in the middle of my night, yet here she was. ind over Matter - 16

My carefree mood made me feel like singing. I turned on her radio and s miled at the song that filled the car. It was "You Send Me" by Sam Cooke. I'd heard it m any times and sang along, knowing now what the writer might have felt like when he came up with the lyrics. The words were a poor, rather trite, interpretation for my emotions, but it made me chuckle to think how appropriate it felt right n ow. "You like fifties music?" she asked, looking curiously at me. "Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" I shudde red in mock disgust. "The eighties were bearable." "Are you ever going to tell m e how old you are?" she asked quietly. "Does it matter much?" I smiled at her, f eeling too happy to think that anything could matter at this moment except baski ng in our new love. "No, but I still wonder" she grimaced, making me think it mig ht matter at least a little to her. "There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night." "I wonder if it will upset you," I mused, staring into t he setting sun again. There seemed no reason to keep my past from her after all, but there was always the chance that something I say could be too much to handl e and she'd run screaming like she should have long ago. I wanted to prolong the time that I had with her before she changed her mind about me, but, I couldn't refuse to tell her more about myself. I didn't want her to continue to love me u nder false pretenses. "Try me," she said interrupting my thoughts. I sighed and looked into her eyes, wondering if my real age would bother her too much. She se emed just curious though, so I looked again at the sun sinking below the trees, the shadows growing longer, and after turning the radio down, I started my story . "I was born in Chicago in 1901." I paused briefly to glance at her face. Her r eaction was unsurprised and I smiled at how her responses were always so opposit e from a normal persons. "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza." She gasped and I looked a t her again, wondering what had shocke her. Her eyes were full of d concern and I realized that she must be worried for my suffering. "I don't remember it well - it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade." I thought back to those hazy memories. They were of course much more clear in Carlisle's mind and I'd s een them from his perspective, but I couldn't remember how it felt to have that disease. "I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy th ing, not something you could forget." "Your parents?" "They had already died fro m the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the ep idemic, no one would ever realize I was gone." "How did hesave you?" I wondered h ow much I could truthfully say without giving her too much information. I didn't want her to know how to become a vampire because I never would allow that to ha ppen to her. The least she knew about the mechanics of it, the safer her soul wo uld be. "It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomp lish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of usI don't think you could find his

equal throughout all of history." I paused wondering again how much she should k now. "For me, it was merely very, very painful." I knew of course that she'd wan t more information, but she didn't need to know more and I wasn't going to expla in it. To distract her from the questions that were inevitably still rolling in her mind, I said, "He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind th e choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff." I edited Esme's story slightly. It wasn't for me to tel l, but perhaps one day Esme would choose to tell Bella about the death of her ch ild and attempted suicide. "They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, th ough, somehow, her heart was still beating." "So you must be dying, then, to bec ome" she trailed off seeming afraid to say the word. "No, that's just Carlisle. H e would never do this to someone who had another choice." I knew how hard it had been for him being alone so many hundreds of years and felt my respect for him grow as I thought again of his compassion and pure intentions. "It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak." I looked at the dark shadows of the trees b lackening the road in front of us, and hoped she'd let the subject go. "And Emme tt and Rosalie?" "Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him - he was careful with his thoughts around me." I rolled my eyes, thinking how absurdl y mismatched Rosalie and I would be. "But she was never more than a sister. It w as only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting - we were in Appa lachia at the time - and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him b ack to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." I glanced at Bella, thinking of how hard today had been even without fresh blood as Rosalie had to endure. I lifted our joined hands and brushed down her cheek w ith the back of my fingers. "But she made it," Bella prompted looking out the wi ndow again. "Yes," I murmured. "She saw something in his face that made her stro ng enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we ca n stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high scho ol." I laughed. "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, aga in." The charade seemed a little silly sometimes, but Alice always had fun desig ning a new wedding dress for her, and the honey-moon trip was always a welcome r elief for me from Rosalie's thoughts. Though I did miss Emmett when they were go ne. "Alice and Jasper? "Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belo nged to ano therfamily, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above a nd beyond the norm for our kind." "Really?" Bella interrupted, looking fascinate d. "But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts." "That' s true. She knows other things. She sees things - things that might happen, thin gs that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Thi ngs change." My jaw clenched shut as I remembered the two futures that Alice had seen of Bella. One of her cold and lifeless, drained of blood, and the other of her with the flaming red eyes of a newborn vampire. I glanced at her quickly re solving again that I wouldn't let either future come to pa ss. I knew now that t here was a middle ground. "What kinds of things does she see?"

"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most s ensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose." "Are there a lot ofyour kind? " She seemed surprised and I wondered if the knowledge of what we are was finall y sinking in. "No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people"- I glanced at her quickly-"can live together with humans for any length of time." I wasn't quite sure how to admit what our natural food source was when I was talking to my natural food source. S he didn't flinch however so I continued, "We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there wer e so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who livedifferently te nd to band together." "And the others?" "Nomads, for the most part. We've all li ved that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across th e others now and then, because most of us prefer the North." "Why is that?" I pa rked in front of Bella's house and turned off the engine. Knowing that her fathe r wasn't home yet, I wasn't worried about staying next to her for a while longer . "Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?" I teased. "Do you think I could walk dow the n street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe h ow tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years." "So that's where the leg ends came from?" "Probably." I shrugged. "And Alice came from another family, li ke Jasper?" "No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her wa lked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had th at other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turnedinto a total savage." Be lla seemed on the verge of asking more questions when her stomach growled. I rea lized that she hadn't eaten during the whole day that she was with me. "I'm sorr y, I'm keeping you from dinner." "I'm fine, really." "I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget." I was bothered that I wasn't taking bet ter care of her and vowed to pay more attention to all her needs in the future. "I want to stay with you," she pleaded. "Can't I come in?" I asked, hopeful abou t the idea that I'd be invited in, instead of sneaking in as I'd been doing ever y other night. "Would you like to?" She seemed surprised that I'd even consider the idea.

"Yes, if it's all right," I said, and before waiting for an answer I was already out of the drivers seat and around to her side of the truck opening the door fo r her. "Very human," she commented. "It's definitely resurfacing." I marveled ag ain thinking back through our day, and feeling a little smug that I'd finally be en able to get her door open before she did it herself. We walked silently towar ds the house, and I wondered how I should tell her that I'd been here every nigh t watching her sleep. It would be wrong to keep it from her, but I didn't know h ow it would effect her. Would she think it was creepy? Would she be angry? I tho ught through what I knew about her and decided that since it would be normal to be angry, she would be the opposite. I didn't want to just blurt it out either t hough, so as we stepped closer to the door I snagged the key from it's hiding pl ace and unlocked the door. This could be a gentle way to let her figure it out. "The door was unlocked?" She sounded surprised. "No, I used the key from under t he eave." She flipped the porch light on then and turned to look at me. Her eyeb rows were raised, a flicker of accusation in her eyes. "I was curious about you, " I said quietly, waiting for her reaction. "You spied on me?" Her words were on ly mildly upset and the accusation in her eyes softened. I just shrugged, glad t hat she was taking the truth so well and pointed out, "What else is there to do at night?" We then walked into the house and down the hall. I beat her to the ki tchen and sat in the chair her father usually occupied. She ignored me as she ru mmaged through the fridge an I started d thinking about plans for tomorrow. I'd told her all about my family and she hadn't seemed upset in any way, just curiou s. I wondered if I could take her to my house to meet them. Alice and Esme would be the most ecstatic of course, and Rosalie could leave if she refused to be ci vil. "How often?" "Hmmm?" I still wasn't used to being surprised by anything som eone said, and wondered where the beginning of this conversation was. I must hav e missed it. "How often did you come here?" she asked without turning away from what she was doing with the food. "I come here almost every night." She whirled around then looking stunned. "Why?" "You're interesting when you sleep," I admit ted. "You talk." "No!" She gasped and her face grew red. I felt guilty then and I supposed I couldn't always expect her to have an opposite reaction. "Are you v ery angry with me?" "That depends!" she sounded breathless and then didn't speak . "On?" I urged wondering just how angry she was.

"What you heard!" Suddenly I realized that she wasn't mad, just embarrassed, and I went to her side to take her hand. "Don't be upset!" I pleaded. Lowering my f ace to the level of her eyes, I saw the embarrassment in her eyes and wanted her to realize that she had nothing to be ashamed of. I had ad ored her every word. "You miss your mother," I whispered. "You worry about her. And when it rains, t he sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less of ten now. Once you said, 'It's too green.'" I laughed softly enjoying the memory, but hoping I wouldn't offend her more. "Anything else?" She demanded. I realize d now exactly why she was embarrassed. "You did say my name," I admitted. She si ghed, "A lot?" Now I was the one who was embarrassed because I realized that I n ew the exact number. "How much do you mean by 'a lot', exactly?" "Oh no!" She hu ng her head. I pulled her close to me, hugging her gently. "Don't be self-consci ous," I whispered in her ear. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. A nd I'm not ashamed of it." Then we both heard her father's car pulling into the driveway. The headlights flashed through the front window and down the hall to u s. Bella stiffened in my arms. "Should your father know I'm here?" I wondered. " I'm not sure" She looked worried so I just said, "Another time then" and noiseless ly, I ran up the stairs to her room. "Edward!" she hissed after me. I chuckled, still in high spirits from the day, I found this new experience quite amusing. H ide from the scary father like I really was an immature 17 year old. I'll have t o insist on being introduced soon, but for now it didn't matter. I went into her room and grinned as I lay down across her small bed. Lacing my fingers behind m y head, I listened to Charlie greet Bella as he stomped through the front door. I listened to their nightly small talk and could hear Bella's voice sounding sli ghtly more hurried than usual. Charlie's mind, though still clouded, was full of emotion. Very protective, loving his daughter fiercely, worried about her. Such strong emotions compared to his indifferent words. I was struck again by the to ne of his mind and how important Bella was to him. She was so precious, so worth protecting. "None of the boys in town your type, eh?" His mind was suddenly sus picious, but still mostly concerned. Ah, he must be concerned that she wasn't go ing to the dance tonight.

"No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet." Well, that was true. I'm not a bo y in any strict definition. "I thought maybe that Mike Newton you said he was fri endly." I tensed at the sound of Mike's name and gritted my teethe. I was glad t hat Charlie wasn't actually thrilled with him either, though his words, as alway s might give a slightly different impression for those who couldn't read his min d. "He's just a friend, Dad." "Well, you're too good for them all, anyway. Wait till you get to college to start looking." His mind was relieved, but mainly bec ause he felt so strongly that she was too good for anyone. He was right of cours e, but especially in Mike Newton's case. Being able to read all the minds of the guys that were interested in her, I knew that none of them realized how special she was and how unworthy they all really were. I seemed to be the only person w ho agreed whole heartedly with her father's views and smiled ruefully at the iro ny. If he knew what I was, he wouldn't want me to ever come near his daughter ag ain. He would, of course, be right. The only difference in my case, compared to the other guys that liked Bella, was that I knew I wasn't good enough for her. I 've known that since the beginning, but this was the first day that I felt a gli mmer of hope. To add to the irony, was how she proved today that she wanted me n ear her as much as I wanted to be with her. Her acceptance always stunned me and made me rea lize even more why I wasn't worthy of such a person. She came into the room then, shutting the door more loudly than necessary. I'd been so deep in thought and trying to ignore the perfect memories that I had of the minds of ea ch boy that had thought of Bella, that I hadn't noticed her coming up the stairs until she opened her door and her heavenly scent preceded her into the room. I didn't say anything, thinking that she'd see me right away laying as I was, chee kily in the middle of her bed, but she went straight to the window. She opened i t and leaning out, whispered, "Edward?" I laughed quietly. "Yes?" She whirled ar ound to face me. Her dark eyes were wide with shock, and I could hear her heart racing. Her hand flew to her throat as if to keep her wildly beating heart from choking her. My smile spread as I saw the look on her face. "Oh!" she breathed, and sank to the floor. "I'm sorry," I said and pressed my lips together to keep from laughing. "Just give me a minute to restart my heart." I really shouldn't h ave laughed. I could give her a heart attack if I weren't more careful, but her surprised face was such a funny thing to see. Vampires really can't be surprised , what with our heightened senses. I sat up slowly, not wanting to surprise her again with any sudden movements. I gently picked her up and set her next to me o n her bed. "Why don't you sit with me," I suggested. As hard as it was to be nea r her, it was even harder being away from her. "How's the heart?" I asked, as if I didn't know. "You tell me - I'm sure you hear it better than I do."

I laughed quietly again at how true her statement was and then we were both sile nt until her heart had slowed. She bit her lower lip and the pucker appeared bet ween her eyebrows again, making me wonder what she was thinking. "Can I have a m inute to be human?" she asked. "Certainly," I said. I wondering if I should leav e, but before I could ask she said, "Stay," in a mock-severe voice. "Yes, ma'am. " I said, playing along and sat up straighter holding perfectly still. She grabb ed some clothes from a pile on the floor and a small bag off her desk and left t he room, closing the door more quietly than before. I heard her slam the bathroo m door and wondered vaguely why she'd banged it so loudly. With a small part of my mind I could hear her turning on the water of the sink and brushing her teeth e, but mainly I let my thoughts return to this remarkable day. Maybe there was a way for us. Just like with Angela and Ben, there's always a way for love to suc ceed no matter what the odds. It was beyond difficult to be near Bella, to alway s be controlling myself so closely, but these other feelings I have for her, so human, were now equal in strength as the desire for her blood. It made controlli ng my thirst easier in a way. When I first met Bella and thought I couldn't stop myself from killing her, I thought that nothing I'd ever felt or would feel cou ld be stronger than that desire. Yet today at certain times I was so overcome wi th these new human emotions that everything else was pushed far behind them in m y mind. At those times it wasn't hard to control myself, at least in regards to drinking her blood. I still had to mind my every action, as I knew I would when I first let myself touch her. It didn't make me any more worthy of her. I was st ill a killer, a murderer with that desire inside of me; my very nature was evil, but I knew that I could be safe for her now. Only because I would be that caref ul. It didn't change who I was or what I could do to her, but deciding today as I had that there was nothing that would distract me from minding each of my acti ons gave me the strength I'd been looking for. Even when I'd kissed her and she' d taken me so completely by surprise, trying to pull me closer and seeming so co mpletely unaware of how close to my teeth she was, even after I'd admitted how o ften I struggled with my vampiric nature, even after her reaction and being so c lose to her with my instinct raging at me to bite her I had held her face between my hands as I calm ed myself, and I hadn't hurt her. Incomprehensible. I was st ill riding the high of today's revelation when the sound of the running water di stracted me. I wondered if Bella usually took a shower at night rather than in t he morning. As I listened, I began to hear each water droplet from the shower. T he ones that fell from the shower head to the floor and the ones that fell a sho rter distance, hitting her skin. Bella's scent was strong in her room of course, but I thought I could even smell her more now, heightened by the steam from the shower. I thought of the water droplets hitting her hair and trickling down her back, warming her delicate skin. But I couldn't let myself dwell on these thoug hts for long. I refused to fantasize about her the way Mike Newton would have, i t was wrong to treat Bella so disrespectfully, and the idea of being like him di sgusted me just as much as Mike always had. Soon, I heard the shower turned off and Bella banging around like she was in a hurry, and her foot steps running dow n the stairs. "Night, Dad." "Night, Bella." His mind was startled, but was mainl y absorbed with the game he watched on TV.

I heard Bella run back up the stairs and into her room. She looked at me and smi led, relief in her expression. She wore the same old sweats and t-shirt that she usually slept in, and looked warm and comfortable and completely herself. I smi led at her. "Nice," I said, approvingly. She grimaced, and I was vaguely reminde d of the conversations I've always been privy to in the minds of men and woman. "No, it looks good on you." It did of course, she was herself. She was beautiful and feminine and though something more alluring would make her harder to resist , nothing she could wear would make her more lovely to me. I was glad she hadn't changed her normal habits with me here. She whispered a thanks and came to sit next to me on her bed. She stared at the floor. "What was all that for?" I asked , thinking of how loudly she'd slammed the doors and banged around. "Charlie thi nks I'm sneaking out." "Oh," I said wondering what I'd missed in his thoughts th at would lead to that conclusion. "Why?" "Apparently, I look a little overexcite d." I lifted her chin up to look more closely at her face. "You look very warm, actually." I lowered my face to hers and pressed my face against her soft cheek, inhaling her steamed fragrance, I sighed, "Mmmmmm" I thought of the analogy that I'd described this afternoon, of an alcoholic in a room with the scent of warme d brandy filling the air, and how I was beginning to actually enjoy her scent ra ther than seeing it as something that was just torturing me. It still did tortur e me in a way, but I was beginning to appreciate it. Such an odd balance, to be able to enjoy her scent even with the painful burning in my throat. "It seems to be" Bella hesitated, shaking her head slightly. "Much easier for you, now, to be close to me." "Does it seem that way to you?" I whispered, skimming my nose up her jaw and inhaling again. I carefully brushed her wet hair away from her ear a nd kissed the delicate skin of her neck below her earlobe. The electricity that I always felt when I was close to her or touched her made me forget the pain in my throat again. "Much, much easier," she said hesitantly. "Hmm." I wondered abs ently if this new human desire to hold her closer was stronger now than even my thirst. "So I was wondering" I felt her warm breathe on my neck as she spoke and I began to trace her collarbone with one finger. "Yes?" I prompted. "Why is that ," her voice was shaking, "do you think?" I laughed quietly against her neck and just said, "Mind over matter."

Suddenly, she pulled away from me. The predator instinct that felt it's prey try ing to escape wanted to lash out. I held my breath and forced myself to hold sti ll until I was in control again. We stared at each other for a moment until I co uld relax my clenched jaw. Then I was confused. Why did she pull away from me? " Did I do something wrong?" "No - the opposite. You're driving me crazy," she exp lained. I wasn't hurting her or doing anything she disliked? I was ecstatic and said, "Really?" I grinned, feeling like I'd won the grand prize in a contest. "W ould you like a round of applause?" She said facetiously. That would feel approp riate right now, but I simply said, "I'm just pleasantly surprised. In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I wou ld ever find someone I wanted to be with in another way than my brothers and sist ers. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at itat bein g with you" "You're good at everything," she interrupted. I just shrugged and we both laughed quietly. "But how can it be so easy now?" she pressed. "This aftern oon" "It's not easy," I sighed thinking of just a few moments ago when I'd had to hold my breath. "But this afternoon, I was stillundecided. I am sorry about that , it was unforgivable for me to behave so." "Not unforgivable." She shook her he ad. "Thank you." I smiled. "You see," I started to explain, looking away from he r eyes, " wasn't sure I if I was strong enough" I picked up her hand and pressed it to my face. "And while there was still that possibility that I might beovercom e" - I breathed in the scent at her wrist - "I wassusceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I woul dthat I ever could" I was ashamed even now to admit what we both already knew I wa s struggling with. "So there's no possibility now?" "Mind over matter," I repeat ed and smiled at her again. "Wow, that was easy," she said so nonchalantly that it made me laugh. "Easy for you!" I corrected, playfully tweaking the end of her nose. Abruptly the exuberance that I felt turned serious when I remembered agai n how the predator instinct in me surfaced so quickly just a moment ago. It was painful to think I could ever even come close to hurting her. "I'm trying," I wh ispered. "If it gets to beto much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave." She sc owled at me. "And it will be harder tomorrow," I went on. "I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scrat ch, though, I think."

"Don't go away, then," she said quickly, longingly. "That suits me. Bring on the shackles - I'm your prisoner." I wrapped my fingers around her wrists to illust rate and laughed quietly at her surprised expression. "You seem more optimistic t han usual," she observed. "I haven't seen you like this before." "Isn't it suppo sed to be like this?" I smiled. "The glory of first love, and all that. It's inc redible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?" "Very different," she agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined." "For example" - I quickly said still feeling about it a hun dred thousand times, seen movies. I believed I understood that one the memory. " Do you remember the day like I was flying - "the emotion of jealousy. I've read actors portray it in a thousand different plays and pretty clearly. But it shock ed me" I paused grimacing at that Mike asked you to the dance?" She nodded. "The day you started talking to me again." I smiled at the way she r eferred to that same day, and went on with my explanation, "I was surprised by t he flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt - I didn't recognize what it wa s at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was th ere someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care. "And then the line started forming," I chuckled at the memory while Bella scowl ed in the same way that she had back then. "I waited, unreasonably anxious to he ar what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the re lief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure. "That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted . I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few y ears, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone lik e him. It made me angry. "And then," I whispered, relieved that I could finally share all this with her, "as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so c learly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbl ed my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was u nnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer." I was silent for a moment and listened to the uneven beat of her heart, reveling in the mean ing behind the uneven thumps. "But jealousy" I continued, "it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton" I felt the anger again and shook m y head. "I should have known you'd be listening," she groaned. "Of course." "Tha t made you feel jealous, though, really?" she asked incredulously. "I'm new at t his; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh." "But honestly," her voice was teasing now, "for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie - Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Ro salie - was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?"

"There's no competition." I smiled at her and pulled her arms around me so that her face was leaning against my chest. "I know there's no competition," she mumb led against my shirt. "That's the problem." "Of course Rosalie is beautiful in h er way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction y ou hold for me," I said seriously, wondering if I'd be able to explain how much she means to me. "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours al l the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet." "It hardly seems fair, " she whispered, "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?" "You're right," I agreed, amused at her conclusion. "I should make this h arder for you, definitely." I stroked her wet hair down her back to her waist. "You o nly have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not muc h. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanitywhat's that worth?" "Ver y little - I don't feel deprived of anything," she responded in the same teasing tone, but I abruptly felt the seriousness of what we were talking about. "Not y et," I said, not wanting to think about how long she would feel this way. How lo ng I could enjoy being near her before she would change her mind about me. Befor e she would see how much she would miss by loving me and want something more. Sh e tried to pull away from my hug just when I heard Charlie moving up the stairs with his mind thinking of Bella. "What -" she started to stay. I released her an d disappeared into the closet. "Lie down!" I hissed. She caught herself before l anding face first into the bed and laying back on her pillow, curled up under he r quilt. The door creaked open and Charlie peered into the room. I rolled my eye s at the way Bella was exaggerating the movement of her breaths, but her father seemed to be fairly certain she wasn't up to anything. Never-the-less, when I sa w him close the door, I heard the protective fatherly tone of his thoughts as he went down the stairs and outside to her truck. I went to Bella's bed, sliding q uietly under the covers near her. Her back was towards me and I wrapped my arm a round her waist, leaning close to her ear. "You are a terrible actress -" I whis pered, "I'd say that career path is out for you." "Darn it," she muttered and sm iled slightly. Her heart was racing again and I hummed her lullaby to help her c alm down. She rolled onto her back and I moved my left arm from around her waist , so that the weight of it wouldn't bother her. I was still humming when I pause d, wondering if she was ready to fall asleep. "Should I sing you to sleep?" "Rig ht," she chuckled. "Like I could sleep with you here!" "You do it all the time." "But I didn't know you were here," she pointed out. "So if you don't want to sl eep," I started to say and then was distracted when I heard her breath catch in h er throat.

"If I don't want to sleep?" I chuckled, "What do you want to do then?" She was qu iet, staring up at the ceiling. I was laying on my side, watching her as she con templated. It was dark enough in the room now that I didn't think she could see me the way I could see her. Of course, I could think of a few things to do, like kissing her again for instance, but I wanted to know what she was thinking with out my interference. "I'm not sure," she finally said. "Tell me when you decide, " I said sliding my nose along her jaw line again and inhaling her sweet scent. "I thought you were desensitized," she said. "Just because I'm resisting the win e doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," I whispered into her neck. "You have a very floral smell, like lavenderor freesia," I said. I didn't think I coul d ever find a perfect comparison. "It's mouthwatering." "Yeah, it's an off day w hen I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell," she said facetiously. I chuckled and then sighed in contentment. "I've decided what I want to do," she told me suddenly. "I want to hear more about you." "Ask me anything." I propped my head up with my right hand so I could see her face. Her expression showed con centration for a moment as she stared at the ceiling, then she said, "Why do you do it? I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what youare. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do," she added quickly. "I just don't see why you would bother in the first place." I deliberated a mome nt. "That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others - the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot - they, too, wonde r at how we live. But you see, just because we've been dealt a certain hand it doe sn't mean that we can't choose to rise above - to conquer the boundaries of a de stiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we ca n." She didn't move for a few minutes and I finally whispered, "Did you fall asl eep?" "No." "Is that all you were curious about?" I wondered at her silence. "No t quite," she said, sounding like there was a lot more that she wanted to ask. " What else do you want to know?" "Why can you read minds - why only you? And Alic e, seeing the futurewhy does that happen?" I shrugged. "We don't really know. Car lisle has a theoryhe believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified - like our minds,

and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the th oughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, where she was." "What did he bring into the next life, and the others?" "Carlisle brought his c ompassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his str ength, Rosalie hertenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness," I chuckled. "Jas per is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to inf luence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him - calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift." She was quiet f or a moment again and I waited for her to ask another question. "So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him , and so on" "Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we hav e evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard f or me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that create d the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal with the killer whale, co uld create both our kinds together?" "Let me get this straight -" her voice was teasing, "I'm the baby seal, right?" "Right." I laughed and leaned forward kissi ng the side of her head. She was quiet for a moment again. "Are you ready to sle ep?" I asked, "Or do you have any more questions?" "Only a million or two." "We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next" I smiled, wondering how many days this bliss could last. "Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning?" Her voice was uncertain, "You are mythical, after all." "I won't leave you," I promised a nd carefully slid my right arm under her neck so she could rest her head on my s houlder. "One more, then, tonight" She blushed, warmth emanating from her face ag ainst my shoulder. "What is it?" I asked, wondering what she would want to ask m e that made her so uncomfortable. "No, forget it. I changed my mind." "Bella, yo u can ask me anything." She didn't speak and I groaned. "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and wor se." "I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep -talking." "Please?" I wasn't above begging.

She shook her head. "If you don't tell me, I'll just assume It's something much worse than it is," I said darkly, wondering if she wanted to ask me what human b lood tasted like or the mechanics of becoming a vampire. No matter how bad it wa s I needed to know what she was thinking. "Please?" I said again, hoping my voic e was persuasive enough. "Well," she said hesitantly. "Yes?" "You said that Rosa lie and Emmett will get married soonIs thatmarriagethe same as it is for humans?" I laughed, understanding what she was hinting at and was relieved that this was a pretty simple question to answer. "Is that what you're getting at?" She just fi dgeted, still embarrassed I surmised. "Yes, I suppose it is much the same," I sa id, still laughing softly. "I told you, most of those human desires are there, j ust hidden behind more powerful desires." "Oh," was her only response, but she w as still tense and her heart hadn't slowed to a normal pace yet. "Was there a pu rpose behind your curiosity?" "Well, I did wonderabout you and me someday" My teasi ng mood turned serious when I realized what she was really getting at. "I don't think thatthatwould be possible for us." Now It was my turn to feel uncomfortable, but for a different reason. "Because it would be too hard for you, if I were th atclose?" she asked blushing again. "That's certainly a problem. But that's not w hat I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to min d my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." I gently placed my left hand on her flushed cheek, saying quietly, "If I were too hastyif for one second I was n't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you." She d idn't say anything to this and I began to worry that she was finally afraid of m e. "Are you scared?" I asked. After a moment she evenly said, "No. I'm fine." I thought of something then and wondered if she'd mind my asking her, "I'm curious now, though," I said, trying to make my tone sound easygoing. "Have you ever?" " Of course not." She said quickly, her face grew warm again from another blush. " I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close." "I kn ow. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't al ways keep the same company."

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," she sighed and lea ned into me. "That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I was gl ad there wasn't anythin real g for me to be jealous about. If I felt such anger towards Mike's fantasies and pathetic attempts to ask Bella out, I doubted I wou ld be able to handle something that really happened in her past. "Your human ins tincts," she began, and I waited while she deliberated. "Well, do you find me att ractive, in that way, at all?" I laughed and rumpled her damp hair. "I may not b e human, but I am a man," I assured her, thinking of how so many woman were need lessly concerned about being able to attract men, and Bella, to me, was more bea utiful than any woman I'd ever known. She yawned widely then, and I knew it was time for her to sleep. "I've answered your questions, now you should sleep." "I' m not sure if I can." "Do you want me to leave?" "No!" she said too loudly. Char lie didn't notice however, so I just laughed quietly at her reaction and began t o hum her lullaby softly by her ear. I didn't want to tell her that it was her s ong until I could play it for her tomorrow, if she agreed to come to my house. S he fell asleep swiftly and wasn't as restless as most nights when I'd watched he r sleep. It was comforting to realize that I could help her fall asleep. I kept holding her, humming and lightly stroking her hair away from her face until it w as completely dry. After a while, she began to twitch slightly and I wondered wh at she was dreaming. Then, she said my name as she had so many nights before. It meant even more after all we'd come through today, but I felt that same swell o f joy when I knew again that she was dreaming of me. "Edward," she mumbled again and snuggled closer, pushing her nose under the collar of my shirt, then sighed , "I love you." For a moment, I heard no other sound but her breathing and the s teady rhythm of her heartbeat. I felt as if my own dead heart would restart at t he shock of her unconscious declaration. Realizing I was holding my breath, I lo st the ability to move my limbs. Her words repeated over and over in my mind - a s if she were repeating them to me. In every action today, she told me that she loved me, but to hear the words, undiluted, coming straight from her subconsciou s, was more amazing than any other part of this incredible day. Bella loved me. I've always felt so unworthy of her, yet, remarkably, she has given me her love. No ma tter how long she is able to love me, even if it were only for this one d ay, it would be far beyond what I could have imagined. She felt like the other h alf of myself that I didn't know I was missing, fitting perfectly into my side a s she slept. Her soft delicate frame seemed to melt into my ribs as if she were made to be by my side. And Bella loved me. So unlikely, so impossible, yet someh ow true. I imagined her voice in my mind again, declaring her love, and I felt a s if my ribs wouldn't be able to contain the pressure of my swelling chest. Neve r before had I felt so completely filled, so overcome by a human emotion. During this day, I'd

come to realize that the desire I had for her blood and the desire for her love were equal, but now I knew, impossible as it was, that one had grown stronger th an even the other. I inhaled her scent, no longer thinking of it as a torment li ke I did at first. I was grateful. Thankful for the pain burning in my throat, b ecause it meant that she existed. Bella is my life. Existence without her was no longer a possibility. Bella was the sun of my universe, yet she loved me. I let the realization sink into my limbs until my imagined paralysis left my fingers tingling and I could move my arms again. I held her more closely and stroked her hair away from her ear. "Bella," I whispered, "I love you too." The Cullens - 1 7 I held Bella for several hours just stroking her hair, counting her heartbeats , and breathing in her torturously sweet smell. There wasn't a possibility that I could grow tired of doing this, but when Bella was deeply asleep and it was ve ry early morning, she began to shiver. Slipping carefully away from her, I got a n extra blanket from the hall closet as I'd done once before and tucked it aroun d her before leaving out the window. I felt too euphoric to notice anything arou nd me as I raced home, and when I got to th house and e ran into the main room m y family was waiting for me. Well, all of them, but one. Rosalie was upstairs ve ry obviously trying to not even think of me. In between the ideas she was crowdi ng her mind with, to tweak Emmett's jeep, a few expletives directed at me slippe d through her mind. I ignored her as best as I could. Alice beamed, dancing acro ss the room to me, Now everything will be perfect, and I can talk to her now rig ht? She hugged me quickly and said, "I told them that you would bring her ba ali ve." ck I laughed and saw myself in all of their minds as they watched me and kn ew that my wide grin looked idiotic. Alice had told them that I'd kissed her and I felt embarrassed when I heard the admiration for my self-control in their min ds, but I couldn't care right now. I was too happy. Esme's dimpled face was glow ing and she was, quite possibly, even happier for me than I felt for myself at t he moment. "Jasper has to wrestle with Emmett whenever he wants for the next wee k," Alice continued gleefully, "And Emmett's jeep will soon be a bit more powerf ul, and" "Yes, yes," I interrupted her. "I have no idea why anyone would bet agai nst you, Alice." Emmett chuckled. You're insane, bro. He shrugged and pointed ou t, "I took a chance on your lunacy, and it paid off." "Emmett!" Esme swatted his arm. "Edward is not a lunatic, don't say things like that." She was too happy a bout me to scold with any force and failed miserably, laughing instead. I was sl ightly surprised that even Jasper had bet against what Alice had seen, but I kne w it made him feel better in an odd way, that I was struggling so much right now . Of course, he could have easily won the bet even with what she saw. I looked o ver at Jasper by the glass wall as he picked up the chess boards and pieces from his latest conquest. "Alice" I began. "Yes, I told them," Alice said jubilantly, "You want to bring Bella here in the morning. Don't worry. She's going to love it! And I won't have to pretend that she isn't my friend anymore. Do you think I could take her shopping soon?" Alice was bouncing on her toes as she talked.

"Slow down," Carlisle said, putting a hand on her shoulder, "If Bella decides to come here, we need to be sensitive, to ease her into this first meeting." Carli sle was thinking of ways to make Bella more comfortable when she came and wonder ed if they should be introduced one at a time. "She's very interested in all of you," I said, "and seems to want to get to know more about you." Well, I won't b e here! Rosalie's thoughts shouted angrily at me before she made herself concent rate again. I didn't acknowledge her; she'd get over her jealousy soon enough. " Bella has already met you, Carlisle," I went on, "Maybe if she saw you and Esme first it would make her the most comfortable." Will she be afraid of us? "I real ly don't know, Esme," I said, answering her thoughts, "She hardly ever seems to be afraid of anything." I shook my head. "It's like she has no sense of self-pre servation at all." Emmet chuckled. "She's just as insane as he is. I guess that' s a good thing in this case." I rolled my eyes at him. "Hardly, Emmett." Even if Bella felt comfortable with meeting my family, I was still feeling overly prote ctive. An accident could happen, and if I was going to protect her soul and futu re, I would need to make sure she would be as safe as possible. All of us posed a risk. "When she seems comfortable with Carlisle and Esme" I began. "Then, Jaspe r and I can come meet her, right?" Alice verified, "We'll be at the top of the s tairs and you can just say our names or something so we'll know when to come dow n." That would probably seem the most natural to her. Jasper could almost taste the unease that was emanating from me, especially when I looked at him. Just spi t it out, Edward. Fine. "Jasper, could you keep your distance when I introduce y ou?" He nodded and thought, This will be a lot easier when she's one of us. "Tha t's not going to happen." I growled. "Don't worry about it, Edward," Alice said quickly, bouncing on her toes again, "We'll be ready when you bring her. Anyway, Bella will be waking up soon. You'd better change and get back over there so yo u can bring her here soon." Bella was still asleep when I got back to her room. The muted morning light brightened the room gradually as I sat in my usual spot, in the rocking chair, watching her peaceful face. She began to move restlessly as the morning light grew brighter until she moaned and rolled over. Then withou t warning she sat up quickly. "Oh!" She said, looking dizzy. Every other time I had been here to watch her sleep, I always left before she woke up and I wondere d if she normally woke so quickly. She looked adorable when she wa sleepy, and h er hair s was tangled from how I'd been playing with it for most of the night. " Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it." "Edward! You stayed!" She said, t hrowing herself across the room and into my lap.

"Of course." I was surprised, but it was much easier to be near her now, that he r exuberance didn't bother me at all. To hold Bella again was exactly what I wan ted, but she looked up at me as if she were afraid she'd moved too quickly. I la ughed at her shocked expression. I rubbed her back in small circles to help her calm down, and she laid her head against my shoulder. She took a deep breath. "I was sure it was a dream." "You're not that creative," I scoffed, remembering he r first speculations of what she thought I could be. Superhero indeed. I rolled my eyes. "Charlie!" She gasped, and leaping up, she rushed toward the door. "He left an hour ago - after reattaching your battery cables, I might add. I have to admit I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?" She just stood there staring at me for a moment, biting her lower lip. "You're not usually this confused in the morning," I commented an d then held my arms out to her, inviting her to come back. "I need another human minute." "I'll wait," I said, dropping my arms. Bella skipped from the room. Ev en confused as she was, I never saw her move so gracefully before, so coordinate d. Her eyes were brighter this morning than any other day. I heard her turn the water on and brush her teethe. Then I heard a brush being pulled through her hai r. Soon she bounded back into her room, her face was freshly washed. "Welcome ba ck," I said as I pulled her into my lap again and folded my arms around her. We rocked quietly for a while just looking into each others eyes. She looked over m y face and hair as if she were memorizing me. Then she touched the collar of my shirt. "You left?" she accused. "I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in what would the neighbors think?" Her lower lip popped out, pouting adorably. Ap parently, my joke wasn't appreciated. "You were very deeply asleep," I said quic kly to reassure her, "I didn't miss anything. The talking came earlier." She gro aned. "What did you hear?" I looked into her eyes, all the tenderness I felt for her washing over me. "You said you loved me." "You knew that already," she said blushing, and looked down. "It was nice to hear, just the same." She hid her fa ce in my shoulder and whispered into my neck, "I love you." "You are my life now ." I simply said the truth that was now the basis of my existence.

I rocked her quietly, neither of us feeling the need to speak, until the morning light was brighter in the room and I remembered that she would need to eat soon . "Breakfast time," I said casually. Bella leaned away from me, clutching her th roat with wide eyes. I was shocked. She couldn't possibly think I meant that. "K idding!" she snickered. "And you said I couldn't act!" I frowned. Maybe she was a better actress than I thought, but that was hardly the best way to prove it. " That wasn't funny." "It was very funny, and you know it." She looked cautiously into my eyes for a moment. I decided that even if I couldn't find humor in the t opic she was making fun of, I could agree that she was quite funny at least. "Sh all I rephrase? Breakfast time for the human." "Oh, okay," she said lightly. I d ecided it was my turn to tease her, so I threw her gently over my shoulder, carr ied her down the stairs, and into the kitchen. She protested the whole way, much to my amusem ent. I sat her up in one of the chairs at the table. "What's for b reakfast?" she asked sweetly. "Er, I'm not sure." I admitted, wishing that I'd p aid more attention to the food network channel. "What would you like?" I remembe red her telling me that she liked fried eggs, but I realized that I had no idea how to cook them. I decided then that this was a good time in my life to learn a new skill. She hopped up and grinned at me. "That's all right, I fend for mysel f pretty well. Watch me hunt." I sat down at the table and watched her hunt up a bowl of cereal and pour milk over it. It didn't look like it contained much nut ritional substance. She grabbed a spoon and came back to the table. I wondered i f I should add a study of nutritional foods to my knew project of learning to co ok. Anything to improve her health and keep her well was important after all. Be lla paused before taking a bite and said, "Can I get you anything?" I rolled my eyes. "Just eat, Bella." As she ate I watched each movement of her arm and mou t h. It was oddly fascinating to see her eating, graceful in a way. I hadn't notic ed before how the corners of her mouth puckered slightly as she chewed. Her lips were shaped like a strawberry as her chin moved up and down in rhythm. I never saw a human look so lovely while they ate, though perhaps it was just because I' d never paid attention before. She swallowed, blushing slightly and asked, "What 's on the agenda for today?" eeting "Hmmm" I wondered what would be the best way to ask her. "What would you say to m my family?" She gulped. "Are you afraid now ?" I asked hopefully, it would be easier to protect her if she was. "Yes," she a dmitted, her eyes were wide with fright.

"Don't worry. I'll protect you." I said to assure her and myself. "I'm not afrai d of them," she scoffed. "I'm afraid they won't like me. Won't they be, well, sur prised that you would bring someonelike mehome to meet them? Do they know that I k now about them?" "Oh, they already know everything. They'd taken bets yesterday, you know" - I smiled ruefully "on whether I'd bring you back, though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine. At any rate, we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seein g the future and all that." "And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that." "You paid attention," I smiled approvin gly. "I've been known to do that every now and then." She grimaced and asked, "S o did Alice see me coming?" "Something like that," I said, looking away from her so she couldn't see how the memory of Alice's visions upset me. After a moment I tried to change the subject. Abruptly turning to her, I asked, "Is that any go od?" I couldn't imagine that it was. It mainly smelled like cardboard and sugar. "Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing." "Well, it's no irritable grizzly" s he murmured. I frowned at how she could so easily accept my way of life. It wasn 't natural. She ate more quickly, the pucker appeared between her eye -brows as she contemplated something. I stood up and stared out the back window, thinking about how often I'd be hanging around her house. I smiled at her, saying, "And y ou should introduce me to your father, too, I think." "He already knows you," sh e pointed out. "As your boyfriend, I mean." She stared at me suspiciously. "Why? " "Isn't that customary?" I know the times have changed, but why did it always b other her when I suggested that Charlie be aware of my interest? "I don't know," she admitted and looked confused. "That's not necessary, you know. I don't expe ct you toI mean, you don't have to pretend for me." "I'm not pretending." I smile d patiently, and sat down again across the table from her. She pushed the leftov er cereal crumbs around with her spoon, b iting her lower lip, and saying nothin g. "Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend or not?" I demanded, wonder ing why this conversation was so difficult for her. "Is that what you are?" Her expression was slightly pained. "It's a loose interpretation of the word 'boy,' I'll admit." I shrugged nonchalantly.

"I was under the impression that you were something more actually," she confesse d, blushing at the table. "Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gor y details." I reached across the table and lifted her chin gently so I could see her eyes. "But he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me." "Will you be?" sh e asked anxiously. "Will you really be here?" "As long as you want me," I assure d her. "I'll always want you," she said eagerly. "Forever." I got up and walked around the table looking at her eager expression. I stood near her and gently st roked her cheek. I could see she meant what she was saying. She mean what she sa id right t now anyway, but I knew she wouldn't always feel this way. It was just a matter of time before it was too much and she chose another path. "Does that make you sad?" she asked. I couldn't answer. I was lucky to have even this short time with her. To have her love at all, no matter how long it lasted, was more than I deserved. Looking deeply into her eyes I was sure I could see into her so ul. So beautiful, so pure. I could never take her soul away from her just for my own selfishness. And that is what it would be. I told myself. Just selfishness. She doesn't really want this. She said "forever" so easily, but how could she h ave any idea what eternity feels like? Finally I was able to compose myself and ask, "Are you finished?" "Yes," she said, jumping up. "Get dressed - I'll wait h ere." I was having a hard time shaking my melancholy mood as Bella changed upsta irs in her room, but when she'd finished and I saw her at the top of the stairs, my mind changed gears immediately. "Okay," she announced. "I'm decent." And she skipped down the stairs so quickly that she ran right into me at the bottom of them. I steadied her and held her away from me for a moment to look at her. She was wearing a long, tan-colored skirt and the dark blue blouse that I'd compleme nted once before. She looked exquisitely feminine, the shade of blue made her sk in look like honey and cream, and her blouse clung to her slight shape like a fl ower petal. She had pulled her hair back and it accentuated the curve of her nec k. I drew her close to me and whispered in her ear, "Wrong again. You are utterl y indecent - no one should look so tempting, it's not fair." "Tempting how?" she asked, sounding concerned. "I can change" I sighed realizing that she had no ide a what I meant and shook my head. "You are so absurd." I pressed my lips to her forehead and breathed in the floral scent of her hair. "Shall I explain how you are tempting me?" I suggested, slowly tracing my fingers down her spine. As if t he way she dressed could change effect a vampires desire for her blood. No, she was tempting me in a far more human way. My breath sped as I pulled her closer t o me and tilted my head down to press my lips gently to hers. And then she colla psed in my arms.

"Bella?" I couldn't understand what just happened. Did her heart suddenly stop f or no reason? "Youmademefaint," she accused dizzily. "What am I going to do with yo u?" I groaned, exasperated. "Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!" She laughed weakly while I held her up. "So much for being good at everything," I sighed and shook my head. "That's the problem," she said fain tly. "You're too good. Far, far too good." "Do you feel sick?" I asked rememberi ng the other times when she'd felt faint. "No - that wasn't the same kind of fai nting at all. I don't know what happened." She shook her head, her tone sounding apologetic. "I think I forgot to breathe." "I can't take you anywhere like this ," I said, exasperated. Bella was so fragile, how could I expect her to handle m eeting all of my family. "I'm fine," she insisted. "Your family is going to thin k I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?" I looked at her for a moment, gaugi ng if she really was well enough to go, and again I was struck by her loveliness . "I'm very partial to that color with your skin." My sudden compliment made her blush, emphasizing the truth to my words. "Look, I'm trying really hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we go already?" she asked quickly. "And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but b ecause you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?" "That's right," she said immediately. I shook my head and said truthfully. "You're incredible." Bella didn't protest when I helped her into the passenger side of her truck, ins isting that I drive again. I held her hand as I drove and thought again about ho w fragile humans were. She "forgets" to breathe and faints. I shook my head and decided I needed to be even more careful in the future, wondering what her react ion to my family would be. She never reacted in a way that I expected. It wasn't natural, but she just became all the more fascinating to me. Of anyone that I'd ever met, she was definitely the one in need of the most protection. At first I thought it was mainly protection from me that she needed, then I realized a nat ural disaster or a sadistic human or a random accident anything could hurt her. Now I began to wonder if she really wasn't really a magnet for danger or extreme ly unlucky. No, it wasn't some outside force, she just had no idea what was good for her, and she didn't seem to care at all! I felt a little angry that she car ed so little for herself when I loved her so deeply. I couldn't stand the though t of her being hurt or getting sick, or "forgetting" to breathe I sighed and began to listen closely to each of her breaths, taking note of how often she breathed in and out as she sat quietly next to me. I was already attune to her heartbeat s, but I made myself listen even mo closely. Soon I would be re able to recogniz e her heart from miles away. As I turned onto the winding driveway to the house, Bella grew more excited, her heart rate sped slightly and she leaned where she sat, trying to see around the next curve in the road . Her eyes grew wide as she looked over our large house. "Wow."

"You like it?" I smiled at her expression. "It has a certain charm." I pulled the end of her ponytail and chuckled, guessing what she might have been expecting, and then went around the truck to open her door. "Ready?" I asked. "Not even a l ittle bit - let's go." She chocked on a laugh and nervously smoothed her hair ba ck. So needlessly worried about what they would think of her. "You look lovely." I took her hand and led her across the porch. She still seemed nervous so I rub bed gentle circles on the back of her hand with my thumb, and slowly opened the door. Carlisle and Esme were waiting on the raised floor next to the grand piano , but Bella didn't notice them right away. She gazed appreciatively around the l arge room, looking surprised. Oh, dear, Esme though, listen to her heart race. I hope we don't frighten her too much. I looked at Esme and barely smiling, shook my head slightly. I didn't think Bella was afraid of them in that way, but I wa s so often surprised by her reactions that I knew it was wise for them to be cau tious. When Bella noticed them standing in the room, they smiled at her and I sa id, "Carlisle, Esme, this is Bella." "You're very welcome, Bella," Carlisle said and stepped carefully toward us. He raised his hand tentatively, Bella stepped easily up to him and shook hands. "It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen." "Ple ase, call me Carlisle." "Carlisle." She grinned and her heart rate slowed. I was relieved that she was taking this all so easily now. She's so relaxed, so at ea se with him. Truly remarkable. Esme stepped forward then and shook Bella's hand. "It's very nice to know you," she said and thought, She really isn't afraid at all, is she? Unconsciously I squeezed Bella's hand and Esme's eyes flickered dow n to our twined fingers. Her thoughts were barely coherent as she beamed with sa tisfaction. "Thank you. I'm glad to meet you too," Bella said, and I wished she could know as I could how much they really did like her. I could tell she was ge nuinely excited to be there, happy to be welcomed into my life so completely. I didn't know how she was doing it, but she was acting as if we were just a normal family. Maybe that was really how she saw us. "Where are Alice and Jasper?" I a sked, knowing of course that they were waiting for me to say their names before appearing. Besides that, Alice's excited thoughts had been buzzing in the back o f my mind even before we'd turned onto the driveway. "Hey, Edward!" Alice called from the top of the stairs. Where are we. Jasper chuckled as hefollowed behind Alice. Right, real funny, Edward. Alice raced down then, too impatient to walk a t a human pace. "Hi, Bella!" Alice bounced up to her, and to everyone's astonish ment, she leaned over and kiss Bella on the cheek. Bella was ed clearly surprise d but didn't appear to be bothered by it. Welcome to the family, Alice thought c heerfully and I instinctively tightened my grip on Bella's hand as Alice's mind flicked briefly to the vision that she'd had of Bella as a newborn vampire their arms around each other as best friends. I

stiffened, trying to control the outburst I knew would happen if I allowed mysel f to acknowledge Alice's thoughts. She was determined to just be herself, and sa id easily, "You do smell nice, I never noticed before." Bella blushed, but didn' t seem to be bothered by Alice's exuberance. Carlisle and Esme, however, were sh ocked at her behavior, and as they took in Bella's expression, realizing that sh e wasn't afraid their thoughts were even more surprised that Bella was handling this so well. Jasper slowly came down to join us. I could tell he was taking in the atmosphere, surprised by how relaxed it felt given the events he'd just witn essed. I'm fine, Edward. Really, he thought, sensing my nervousness. Trust me, A lice would never forgive me if I did anything to mess this up. Jasper let a wave of calm wash over the room. I looked at him skeptically. What? Even if she does n't need it, you do. He was right. I was more worried than Bella was, and I knew I needed to relax. Enjoy this time instead of freaking out. "Hello, Bella," Jas per said, but didn't offer to shake her hand. "Hello, Jasper." Bella smiled shyl y at him and then smiled at the others, saying, "It's nice to meet you all - you have a very beautiful home." "Thank you. We're so glad that you came." Esme was literally beaming at Bella. So brave, so at home with him, she thought. Now if Emmett and Rosalie would only have stayed to meet herHer thoughts trailed off, lo nging to have all of her family together. I realized then that Esme already thou ght of Bella as her daughter. Carlisle looked pointedly at me then and told me o f Alice's latest vision of some visitors coming, he didn't want to say it out lo ud, afraid that it would scare Bella. I nodded slightly, wondering if Bella had noticed the exchange, but she was looking at my piano thoughtfully. Esme was wat ching Bella's face, she thought that her expression was longing for some reason. "Do you play?" she asked. "Not at all." Bella shook her head. "But it's beautif ul. Is it yours?" "No," she laughed."Edward didn't tell you he was musical?" Bel la glared narrowly at me. "No. I should have known, I guess." Esme was confused and raised her eyebrows, questioningly. "Edward can do everything, right?" Bella tried to explain. Jasper snickered at Bella's sweeping statement and Esme, look ing sternly at me, said, "I hope you haven't been showing off - it's rude," I la ughed at her trying to scold me, when she would like nothing better than for me to show off some more. "Just a bit," I confirmed. She is a smart girl. I knew sh e would be able to see what a catch you are.

"He's been too modest, actually," Bella said, she seemed to be trying to defend me but there was no need. "Well, play for her." Esme's hints weren't usually sub tle. "You just said showing off was rude," I teased. "There are exceptions to ev ery rule," she said quickly. "I'd like to hear you play," Bella commented, stepp ing toward the piano. "It's settled then." Esme pushed me towards the piano benc h and was practically bursting with her motherly pride as she watched Bella sit down next to me. I looked at Bella and smiled with exasperation before letting g o of her hand and turning to the keys. Beginning with Esme's favorite, a tribute to her and Carlisle's love, I watched Bella through their minds. They all chuck led quietly when her mouth fell open and her eyes grew wide as she listened. Tur ning to her casually I winked, asking, "Do you like it?" "You wrote this?" she g asped. I just nodded and shrugged. "It's Esme's favorite." Bella closed her eyes and shook her head. "What's wrong?" "I'm feeling extremely insignificant." I di dn't want her to feel bad in any way. The only reason I was able to play so well was because I had a century of practice to my name and no other good way to spe nd my time. She was my inspiration now, and the most significant part of my life . Transitioning from Esme's song, I changed keys easily and began to play Bella' s Lullaby. It was slower, less complicated, and I hoped that it would make her f eel more comfortable. My family had one by one been slipping away, and Esme was the last to leave, but I wasn't paying much attention to their thoughts now. I g lanced at the bottle cap still sitting on top of the piano and wondered if Bella would notice it there and be curious. "You inspired this one," I said quietly. Her eyes softened and she inhaled as if she could smell the sweetness in the mus ic. I had never played it as well as I did at this moment. My inspiration was si tting next to me and she was the one that brought the song, and myself, to life. After a moment I said, "They like you, you know." I hoped to ease her mind, suc h a silly worry. "Esme especially." She looked behind us at the empty room. "Whe re did they go?" "Very subtly giving us some privacy, I suppose." "They like me. " She sighed. "But Rosalie and Emmett" she trailed off and the pucker between her eyebrows came back while she bit her lower lip. I frowned. "Don't worry about R osalie." It annoyed me that she couldn't put her vanity aside to even be civil t o Bella, but what bothered me most was that it seemed to worry Bella so much. "S he'll come around." I assured her.

She pursed her lips. "Emmett?" "Well, he thinks I'm a lunatic, it's true, but he doesn't have a problem with you. He's trying to reason with Rosalie." "What is it that upsets her?" I listened to Emmett's progress as he spoke with her in the garage. Rosalie was busy with his jeep and doing her best to ignore his reasoni ng. I sighed deeply. "Rosalie struggles the most withwith what we are. It's hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth. And she's a little jealou s." "Rosalie is jealous of me?" Her tone was incredulous and she looked as if sh e were trying to do a complicated math problem in her head. "You're human." I sh rugged. "She wishes that she were, too." That was the main problem at least. "Oh ," she mumbled. "Even Jasper, though" "That's really my fault," I interrupted, "I told you he was the most recent to try our way of life. I warned him to keep hi s distance." "Esme and Carlisle?" she asked quickly. "Are happy to see me happy. Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet. All this ti me she's been worried about me, afraid that there was something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me She's ecstatic. E very time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction." "Alice seems ve ryenthusiastic." "Alice has her own way of looking at things," I said, pressing m y lips together, I vowed again to do everything I could to keep her vision from coming to pass. "And you're not going to explain that, are you?" She was always too observant, but I wasn't going to explain Alice's vision. She would want "for ever" to happen now and the less she knew the better. I would never allow it, an d I was not about to give her any more ideas than she already had. We stared eac h other down for a few minutes until she broke the silence. "So what was Carlisl e telling you before?" "You noticed that, did you?" Why was I even surprised? Sh e shrugged. "Of course." I stared at her for a few minutes wondering if it would be wise to tell her what Carlisle had said. It might scare her, but then I've b een wrong before, yet if it did scare her I doubted that would be a bad thing. S he needed a healthy dose of fear. "He wanted to tell me some news - he didn't kn ow if it was something I would share with you." "Will you?" she asked hopefully. "I have to, because I'm going to be a littleoverbearingly protective over the ne xt few days - or weeks - and I wouldn't want you to think I'm naturally a tyrant ." "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, exactly. Alice just sees some visitors coming soon. They know we're here, and they're curious." "Visitors?" Bella looked confused. "Yeswell, th ey aren't like us, of course - in their hunting habits, I mean. They probably wo n't come into town at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you out of my sigh t till they're gone." She shivered. "Finally, a rational response!" I muttered. "I was beginning to think you had no sense of selfpreservation at all." She igno red my comment and looked around the large room again. "Not what you expected, i s it?" "No," she admitted. "No coffins, no piled skulls in the corners; I don't even think we have cobwebswhat a disappointment this must be for you," I continue d glancing up from the keys slyly. "It's so lightso open," she said, ignoring my teasing, so I answered seriously. "It's the one place we never have to hide." I thought of the way my life had to be and how very little she understood of it. S he saw the human charade and couldn't see the reality, the struggles we all have to live with. I had continued to play her song while we spoke and now seemed li ke an appropriate time to end it. The major key reverting to the miner, fitting my melancholy thoughts, and reminding me where our love story was bound to end. The last note, unresolved, hung in the air suspended like a tear. When I looked at Bella again there were real tears in her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered, an d quickly dabbed at her wet face, blushing. Before she could remove them all, I reached up to the corner of her eye and caught one on my finger. I examined it c losely, wishing again for the impossible. I wished I could cry as she could, tha t I were human, and we could grow old together. Have children and grandchildren. Perhaps it was morbid curiosity, but suddenly, I wanted to experience her tears . Without thinking, I quickly put the tear in my mouth to taste it. Bella's hear t rate sped slightly and I stared at her for a moment wondering if I'd offended her. Her eyes were only full of questions though and I finally smiled. Not parti cularly wanting to explain what I'd just been thinking about, I changed the subj ect. "Do you want to see the rest of the house?" "No coffins?" she verified sarc astically, but seeming anxious. I laughed and took her hand again as I lead her away from the piano and into the rest of the house. "No coffins," I promised. As we walked up the stairs, Bella gazed appreciatively at the light wood paneling and floors. Tracing her hand up the railing as we walked. When we were at the to p of the stairs I gave a quick commentary for our tour and gestured at the doors that we passed. "Rosalie and Emmett's room Carlisle's office Alice's room" I would have continued with my commentary, but she stopped at the end of the hallway an d stared at the wall above us. I chuckled when I realized she was staring at Car lisle's cross.

"You can laugh," I told her kindly. I didn't want her to worry about offending m e. "It is sort of ironic." Curiosity was written all over her face. "It must be very old," she said wonderingly. "Early sixteen-thirties, more or less." I shrug ged. She looked away from it, staring incredulously at me. "Why do you keep this here?" "Nostalgia. It belonged to Carlisle's father." "He collected antiques?" her voice sounded doubtful. "No. He carved this himself. It hung on the wall abo ve the pulpit in the vicarage where he preached." I watched her closely as she p rocessed this new piece of information. Now she really was doing a math problem in her head, and I waited for her to speak. She stared at me for a long time, th en let her gaze drift back to the cross. Her eyes had taken on a new expression, one I wasn't expecting and didn't fully understand. She seemed to be having som e internal struggle and she was so quiet that I started to worry. "Are you all r ight?" "How old is Carlisle?" Bella whispered, still staring at the cross. "He j ust celebrated his three hundred and sixty-second birthday." She looked at me th en with so many questions behind her eyes that I immediately began to explain. " Carlisle was born in London, in the sixteen-forties, he believes. Time wasn't ma rked as accurately then, for the common people anyway. It was just before Cromwe ll's rule, though." Her face showed no sign of distress at this information so I continued. "He was the only son of an Anglican pastor. His mother died giving b irth to him. His father was an intolerant man. As the Protestants came into powe r, he was enthusiastic in his persecution of Roman Catholics and other religions . He also believed very strongly in the reality of evil. He led hunts for witche s, werewolves and vampires." Bella was so absorbed that she was practically froze n in front of me, staring into my face like she couldn't take in a sufficient am ount of information fast enough to answer her questions. I continued swiftly. "T hey burned a lot of innocent people - of course the real creatures that he sough t were not so easy to catch. "When the pastor grew old, he placed his obedient s on in charge of the raids. At first Carlisle was a disappointment; he was not qu ick to accuse, to see demons where they did not exist. But he was persistent, an d more clever than his father. He actually discovered a coven of true vampires t hat lived hidden in the sewers of the city, only coming out by night to hunt. In those days, when monsters were not just myths and legends, that was the way man y lived. "The people gathered their pitchforks and torches, of course" - I laugh ed darkly at the absurdity of it - "and waited where Carlisle had seen the monst ers exit into the street. Eventually one emerged." My voice grew quieter as I th ought of Carlisle's memories, vivid in his mind even 300 years later. In the beg inning, it was despair that had made him cling so desperately to his human memor ies.

"He must have been ancient, and weak with hunger. Carlisle heard him call out in Latin to the others when he caught the scent of the mob. He ran through the str eets, and Carlisle - he was twenty-three and very fast - was in the lead of the pursuit. The creature could have easily outrun them, but Carlisle thinks he was too hungry, so he turned and attacked. He fell on Carlisle first, but the others were close behind, and he turned to defend himself. He killed two men, and made off with a third, leaving Carlisle bleeding in the street." I paused thinking t hrough the next part of the story. I knew exactly how many times Carlisle had be en bitten. It was unfortunate, not only for Carlisle but for myself, since he'd used the details of his change as a model for how to change me. Bella noticed my hesitation and looked as if she knew I was keeping something from her, so I qui ckly went on, skipping the details of how he was changed. "Carlisle knew what hi s father would do. The bodies would be burned - anything infected by the monster must be destroyed. Carlisle acted instinctively to save his own life. He crawle d away from the alley while the mob followed the fiend and his victim. He hid in a cellar, buried himself in rotting potatoes for three days. It's a miracle he was able to keep silent, to stay undiscovered. "It was over then, and he realize d what he had become." Bella was so still that I was afraid she might forget to breathe again. "How are you feeling?" "I'm fine," she said, biting her lower lip . I smiled at her. "I expect you have a few more questions for me." As she alway s did. "A few." My smile grew wider when I saw how eager her expression was comp ared to the words she chose, and I led her back through the hallway to Carlisle' s office. "Come on, then," I encouraged. "I'll show you." Carlisle -18 Carlisle had, of course, heard our entire conversation, but I paused outside his office d oor for a moment, waiting politely for an invitation. "Come in," he said aloud, for Bella's benefit. When I opened the door, Bella inhaled quickly and I watched her gaze as she looked up at the towering book shelves. Carlisle was sitting at his desk, always studying, bettering himself; he put a ribbon in the thick book that he held. "What can I do for you?" he said, rising and smiling at Bella. Sh e has her own thirst for knowledge, I can see it in her eyes, he thought, glanci ng briefly at me before looking back at Bella. "I wanted to show Bella some of o ur history. Well, your history, actually." "We didn't mean to disturb you," Bell a said apologetically. Needlessly worried again, but I knew that Carlisle couldn 't be happier to share any knowledge he had with her, to make her feel more at h ome and know us better. He already thought of Bella as a daughter just as Esme h ad. "Not at all. Where are you going to start?" He said glancing at the framed p aintings on the wall behind us. "The Waggoner," I said excited now, and I put my hand on Bella's shoulder, spinning her around to look at the wall of pictures. Her heart quickened as it always did whenever I touched her.

Carlisle noticed the change of course and was amused. You have quite an effect o n her, he thought. Bella scanned the large and small paintings checkered over th e wall. Her expression looked overwhelmed, as if she didn't know where to look f irst. I nudged her to the left and pointed out the smallest painting. "London in the sixteen-fifties," I said. "The London of my youth," Carlisle added. Bella f linched slightly at the sound of his voice so near to us. She was so easily star tled, always endearing in an odd way. I squeezed her hand reassuringly. Bella ex amined the painting closely, her eyes glancing over the slanted roofs and spires of the city, the wide river in the foreground, and the tower encrusted bridge. I glanced at Carlisle. "Will you tell the story?" Bella looked over her shoulder to look at him too, curiosity flickering in her eyes. "I would, but I'm actuall y running a bit late. The hospital called this morning - Dr. Snow is taking a si ck day. Besides, you know the stories as well as I do" He said, and thought, She might be more comfortable hearing the stories from you, regardless. Carlisle sm iled at Bella again before leaving. I watched Bella for several minutes while sh e stared at the little painting. What was she thinking? She seemed so shocked wh en she heard how old Carlisle is. I wondered if she was starting to get a glimps e at what forever looks like. "What happened then?" she finally asked, staring u p at me. "When he realized what had happened to him?" I looked at another painti ng, of a shadowed meadow in a forest, remembering his memories of that place, an d how he'd tried to do away with himself. I stared at the tall cliff in the back ground. "When he knew what he had become, he rebelled against it," I said quietl y. "He tried to destroy himself. But that's not easily done." "How?" Bella gaspe d. "He jumped from great heights," I shrugged. "He tried to drown himself in the oceanbut he was young to the new life, and very strong. It is amazing that he wa s able to resistfeedingwhile he was still so new. The instinct is more powerful th en, it takes over everything. But he was so repelled by himself that he had the strength to try to kill himself with starvation." "Is that possible?" "No, there are very few ways we can be killed." I didn't particularly want to get into jus t how we really can be killed, so I continued before Bella could ask the questio n that I could see in her eyes. "So he grew very hungry, and eventually weak. He strayed as far as he could from the human populace, recognizing that his willpo wer was weakening, too. For months he wandered by night, seeking the loneliest p laces, loathing himself. "One night, a herd of deer passed his hiding place. He was so wild with thirst that he attacked without a thought. His strength returne d and he realized there was an alternative to being the vile monster he feared. Had he not eaten venison in his former life? Over the next months his new philos ophy was born. He could exist without being a demon. He found himself again. "He began to make better use of his time. He'd always been intelligent, eager to le arn. Now he had unlimited time before him. He studied by night, planned by day. He swam to France and -" "He swam to France?"

"People swim the Channel all the time, Bella," I pointed out, but suddenly reali zed that I never told her we don't need to breathe. "That's true, I guess. It ju st sounded funny in that context. Go on." I'd already told her so much about mys elf, what was one more fact? "Swimming is easy for us -" "Everything is easy for you," she complained. I waited until her brief annoyance dissipated. I always f ound her irritation or anger humorous, it was like watching a fluffy kitten grow ling, adorable and harmless. "I won't interrupt again, I promise." I doubted she 'd be able to keep that promise and chuckled. "Because, technically, we don't ne ed to breathe." "You -" "No, no, you promised." I laughed and put a finger to he r lips. "You can't spring something like that on me," she mumbled against my fin ger, "and then expect me not to say anything." I moved my hand to her neck under her hair, freeing her lips to talk. She was truly adorable when she was excited "You don't have to breathe?" she demanded. I shrugged. "No, it's not necessary. Just a habit." "How long can you go without breathing?" "Indefinitely, I suppose ; I don't know. It gets a bit uncomfortable - being without a sense of smell." " A bit uncomfortable," she repeated. Her eyes were full of such a strange look, a lmost of horror for a moment. She didn't say anything more. This is it, I though t sadly, it's finally too much for her. She realized that we were utterly differ ent, that I'm an inhuman monster. Dropping my hand from her neck, I waited quiet ly for her to run from me. I wouldn't try to stop her. I shouldn't stop her. I w anted her to go, yet I had to force myself to hold still, to not show any emotio n on my face. The horror of my life without her was insignificant compared to he r safety. Her life and humanity needed to be free from me. I waited, willing mys elf to stay calm when she ran. Gradually the strange look in her eyes softened, and then she looked wary and touched my face. "What is it?" She said quietly, on ly concerned in the tone of her voice. I felt myself relax under her touch. Perh aps she was only been taken by surprise. That was understandable right? I was in stantly grateful that I would have more time with her before the inevitable and sighed, "I keep waiting for it to happen." "For what to happen?"

"I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going t o be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you go." I smiled sadly. "I won't stop you. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile" I co uldn't explain any better, and just stared into her face, wondering how much mor e information she would be able to take. "I'm not running anywhere," she said as suredly. A kitten could sound just as brave, but that bravery couldn't always la st. "We'll see," I smiled again, hoping for a little more time before the inevit able. She frowned at me. "So, go on - Carlisle was swimming to France." I looked back to the wall and pointed at the largest painting. As I stared at the sweepi ng robes of the Volturi standing on a marble balcony with Carlisle beside them, I remembered where we left off. "Carlisle swam to France, and continued on throu gh Europe, to the universities there. By night he studied music, science, medici ne - and found his calling, his penance, in that, in saving human lives." Whenev er I thought of Carlisle's sincerity, his passion for doing good, his ability to overcome every instinct that we have to retain his humanity, I always felt my r espect for him grow. "I can't adequately describe the struggle; it took Carlisle two centuries of torturous effort to perfect his self-control. Now he is all bu t immune to the scent of human blood, and he is able to do the work he loves wit hout agony. He finds a great deal of peace there, at the hospital" I remembered h is memories with a new outlook. My own struggle with Bella, as hard as she was t o resist she was perfectly whole and not even tempted me with a pin prick of blo od. Yet, what Carlisle endured for centuries was truly remarkable. The surgeries , the bleeding people that he worked over, that he endured a painful burning tor ture just so that they could live. His self control staggered me. And never once did he falter. No one ever died because Carlisle became a vampire. He only brou ght life. Bella shuffled next to me, pulling me back to the story that she was w aiting to hear. I looked at the painting again and pointing at the figures in it . "He was studying in Italy when he discovered the others there. They were much more civilized and educated than the wraiths of the London sewers." Looking clos ely at the figures I pointed out, Bella laughed quietly, recognition in her eyes as she stared at Carlisle in the painting. "Solimena was greatly inspired by Ca rlisle's friends. He often painted them as gods," I chuckled at the absurd way h umans viewed us, and pointed out the three other men in the painting. "Aro, Marc us, Caius, nighttime patrons of the arts." "What happened to them?" Bella's voic e was full of wonder as she pointed at the figures. Her finger was very close to the painting but she seemed almost afraid of touching it. "They're still there. " I shrugged. "As they have been for who knows how many millennia. Carlisle stay ed with them only for a short time, just a few decades. He greatly admired their civility, their refinement, but they persisted in trying to cure his aversion t o 'his normal food source,' as they called it. They tried to persuade him, and h e tried to persuade them, to no avail. At that point, Carlisle decided to try th e New World. He dreamed of finding others like himself. He was very lonely, you see. "He didn't find anyone for a long time. But, as monsters became the stuff o f fairy tales, he found he could interact with unsuspecting humans as if he were one of them. He began practicing medicine. But the companionship he craved evad ed him; he couldn't risk familiarity. "When the influenza epidemic hit, he was w orking nights in a hospital in Chicago. He'd been turning over an idea in his mi nd for several years, and he had almost decided to act - since he couldn't find a companion, he would create one. He wasn't absolutely sure how his own

transformation had occurred, so he was hesitant. And he was loath to steal anyon e's life the way his had been stolen. It was in that frame of mind that he found me. There was no hope for me; I was left in a ward with the dying. He had nurse d my parents, and knew I was alone. He decided to try" My voice had grown to a wh isper, and suddenly, I couldn't say more. The memory Carlisle had of my mother, begging him to save me, as if she knew what he was. Her eyes fierce with intensi ty while she spoke to him right before the fever took her life. I wondered if sh e knew what I would really become or if she thought Carlisle was something else. Would she have asked him to save me if she knew the truth? If she knew that by saving my life, I would lose my soul and humanity? I shook the memories away, th ere was no need to think of them. I've never blamed Carlisle or my mother, they both made their choices with good intentions and wanted the best for me. I turne d back to Bella and smiled. "And so we've come full circle." "Have you always st ayed with Carlisle, then?" She asked, always so curious. "Almost always." I put my hand around her waist and pulled her through the door with me. Her eyes were still full of questions as she looked back over her shoulder to Carlisle's offic e, and we walked up the hallway again in silence. "Almost?" she asked. Of course she wouldn't be able to let it go. I sighed. I didn't want to explain why I'd l eft Carlisle, but she needed to know. I wouldn't allow her to be with me, to lov e me, under any false assumption of my goodness. A delusion that I wasn't able t o cure her from. Maybe this would finally convince her. "Well, I had a typical b out of rebellious adolescence - about ten years after I was born created, whatever you want to call it. I wasn't sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented hi m for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time." I made it sound so normal. Typical? Resented? My own thoughts loathed myself for trying to make the worst part of my life sound acceptable. We started walking up the next fligh t of stairs and she turned her head looking closely at me for a moment. Apparent ly what I'd said had just sunk in. "Really?" Her voice showed no sign of fear in it at all. I looked at her for a moment to be sure she wasn't just trying to hi de another emotion. She only seemed intrigued. "That doesn't repulse you?' "No." "Why not?" I never would be able to understand her backward reactions. I hadn't wanted to scare her too much but perhaps I should have explained just what I'd meant? "I guess" she paused, thinking through her answer. "It sounds reasonable." Reasonable? I threw my head back and laughed. It was so utterly absurd of her t o think so. Most normal humans would see that part of my life as monstrous, a de fection to any shred of humanity that I'd retained, but Bella thought it was rea sonable. We'd reached the top of the stairs and I grew serious again. Clearly th ere was something wrong with her brain, and I was glad of it. Glad for whatever it was inside of her that could accept me so well because it was good for me. Se lfish, I thought, and shook my head. It's not good for her. She should understan d more of that time in my life. Why she shouldn't think of it as a reasonable th ing - to be a murderer.

"From the time of my new birth," I murmured, not particularly wanting to reveal these things about myself. "I had the advantage of knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both human and non-human alike. That's why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle - I could read his perfect sincerity, understanding exactly wh y he lived the way he did." If I couldn't read his mind I would have left right away and I knew this was just more evidence that I am the monster that Bella doe sn't realize yet. "It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommi t to his vision. I thought I would be exempt from thedepressionthat accompanies a conscience. Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innoce nt and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murderer down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl - if I saved her, then surely I wasn't so terrible." Bella shivered slightly and I wondered if she was remembering the night in Port Angel es when she was so close to being attacked. If she was remembering how I'd been so angry that I nearly lost control. I remembered that feeling too clearly, and hated that part of myself. Letting myself be so consumed by their evil minds tha t I could actually enjoy their suffering. There really was no humor in that, and it certainly wasn't reasonable. I shook my head sadly. I wanted, needed to expl ain the whol truth about the darkest time in my e life. "But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn't escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified. And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal. It was more than I deserved." I have been g ranted so many things and all of them were completely undeserved. Their grace ha s always been too much for me, but I would never stop trying to deserve their lo ve or Bella's. We reached the end of the hallway on the top floor and stood in fr ont of the door to my room. I felt suddenly bashful as I opened the door and pul led her inside. "My room," I was unable to say anything else at the moment. It s eemed unreasonable that after everything I've told Bella about myself, the very worst things that I've done or wanted to do, that I should feel hesitant for her to know me even more. To see my room, clearly revealing my interests to her in each book title and in the shelves of records and CD's. Bella wandered through t he room, taking even the smallest detail in. She looked from the sound system to the curtained wall and down to the carpet. With her sharp eye and careful exami nation, I was sure that there was nothing that would escape her notice. "Good ac oustics?" she guessed right. I nodded to her, chuckling at how observant she alw ays was. I picked up the remote and turned on the soft jazz that I'd been listen ing to, so she could experience it for herself. She walked to the shelves of mus ic. The look in her eyes was that of a collector minutely looking at each figuri ne at a flee market. She examined every detail of my room, and of my life, I rea lized then, with such concentration, always hungry for more. "How do you have th ese organized?" she asked, breaking into my thoughts. "Ummm, by year, and then b y personal preference within that frame." I stared at her as she ran a finger ac ross the CD titles. I was unable to identify the emotion I was feeling. She knew everything about me. I actually had no secrets from her at all anymore. Carlisl e and Esme's acceptance, their love, was hard to understand, but for Bella to kn ow everything about me, so human, so fragile, and accepting me in spite of every thing was. unbelievable. She turned to meet my gaze. "What?"

"I was prepared to feelrelieved. Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn't expect to feel more than that. I like it. I t makes me happy." I shrugged and smiled feeling oddly bashful after this revelat ion. "I'm glad." Her smile was sincere, but she could, of course, run screaming at something else. It did seem less likely though. How did that happen? My smile faded though when I realized that our time together was still numbered. I would n't delude myself about that. She would change, grow beyond me eventually. She w ould run for a different reason. "You're still waiting for the running and the s creaming, aren't you?" she guessed, observing my expression closely. I barely sm iled and nodded slightly. "I hate to burst your bubble," she flipped her hair be hind her shoulder, "but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually." She was such a bad liar. The kitten was obvio usly putting on a brave face in front of the lion. I grinned widely at her when I decided what I was going to do. "You really shouldn't have said that," I chuck led, and shifting suddenly into a half-crouch, I growled deeply and bared my tee th. Bella backed away, glaring at me. "You wouldn't," she gasped. Yes, I would. I pounced on her, trapping her safely in my arms. Spinning us around in mid-air, my back hit the couch. It banged against the wall when we landed. Bella was gas ping as she tried to squirm out of my arms. She was hardly jostled and letting h er escape was just not acceptable. I curled her up into a ball and hugged her cl osely. Much to my amusement, she was glaring fiercely at me with that same kitte nish fury. "You were saying?" I growled playfully again. "That you are a very, v ery terrifying monster." Her tone was a sad attempt at sarcasm, but I'd at least made my point. "Much better," I said. "Um." She struggled in my arms. "Can I ge t up now?" I just laughed, this was too much fun to let her go. I heard Alice an d Jasper outside of the door now and I wanted to keep holding her even more beca use they would see us. The entire would could see me hugging Bella and it would feel absolutely perfect. "Can we come in?" Alice called from the hallway. Bella tried to wiggle free. I ignored her attempt and readjusted her so she wasn't fac ing me anymore, but still kept her on my lap. "Go ahead." I chuckled while Bella blushed deeply.

When they opened the door, shock crossed Jaspers face. Wow. Unexpected. Jasper l ooked at me closely, sensing my emotions and relaxed after the first surprise of seeing Bella sitting unafraid and annoyed on my lap. Alice was never surprised at anything of course, and danced into the room, sitting in front of us on the f loor. "It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if yo u would share," she announced. I grinned at the way Bella stiffened in my arms f or an instant. Yes, teaching her a lesson was a good idea. That was a healthy re sponse. "Sorry, I don't believe I have enough to spare," I held her closer, stil l ecstatic that she accepted everything about me. "Actually," Jasper said, smili ng at the irony he felt when he saw Bella's closeness and sensed my emotions. "A lice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play bal l. Are you game?" I was even more excited now. I was always ready for baseball b ecause it was one of the only games they'd let me play with them, thinking I cou ldn't "cheat" as easily by reading their minds. Bella could come and watch, expe rience even more of my life. I wondered then if it would be a good idea to bring her. If it would be safe. "Of course you should bring Bella," Alice said recogn izing my hesitancy and seeing visions of the future shift as my indecision did. Our visitors won't be close enough yet to be a problem, don't worry about it. Ja sper glanced quickly at Alice, his thoughts had been in line with my own, but wa s assured by the confidence he felt from her. "Do you want to go?" I asked Bella hopefully, excited at the idea of having her there. "Sure." She looked doubtful . "Um, where are we going?" "We have to wait for thunder to play ball - you'll s ee why," I promised. "Will I need an umbrella?" The three of us laughed. It was such a human question. We never worried about the rain when we played. "Will she ?" Jasper asked Alice. "No. The storm will hit over town. It should be dry enoug h in the clearing." Alice was picturing the vision again, and I was glad to see that even the ground would be quite dry. Bella would like that. "Good, then." Ja sper's enthusiasm spread through the room as his moods often did and Bella relax ed into me, looking more eager rather than nervous as she had before. "Let's go see if Carlisle will come." Alice bounced up, reaching to her cell phone as she took Jaspers hand. "Like you don't know," Jasper teased her and they swiftly lef t the room, closing the door. "What will we be playing?" Bella demanded. Clearly she thought we wouldn't do something so normal. "You will be watching," I clari fied. "We will be playing baseball."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Vampires like baseball?" Why not? I feigned shock. " It's the American pastime." The Game -19 We spent the rest of the morning and pa rt of the afternoon listening to music in my room. Bella wanted to hear my favor ite song from each decade of my life. I was pleased that she could appreciate th e songs that I enjoyed. I also let her hear my least favorite from each decade, well, the least favorite of what I owned. Her expressions of distaste always mad e me laugh. Later in the afternoon I led Bella around the outside of the house s o that she could see the river, and far too soon it was time for me to take Bell a home again. I thought it would be impossible to live through a better day than yesterday when I took her to the meadow, but today, though impossible for me to believe, actually had been better. It felt normal to be with her. The rain began as I drove Bella's truck toward her house. Holding her hand in my own, I though t that nothing could dampen my good mood. And then I heard it. I can't believe w e're here. Bella's going to hate me. Stupid superstitious old man Not that I thoug ht I had a chance with her before, but this sure won't help. She probably won't e ven want to be friends now When I turned into the driveway to Bella's house I fel t her stiffen as she saw the black Ford car, and I was immediately furious. Jaco b Black stood behind Billy's wheel chair, pulling him farther back under the por ch. Billy's face was ridged as he glared at me. Confirmed. He's with her again Ch arlie needs to know what's going on. "Who the hell does he think he is?" I mutte red too low for Bella to hear. I haven't done anything wrong, I thought angrily. What, are we not allowed to interact with humans at all? We stay off their land . They leave us alone. "This is crossing the line," I said just loud enough for Bella to hear. I was still furious, but tried to control my voice. I didn't want to upset Bella. "He came to warn Charlie?" she gasped, sounding horrified. I no dded to her and glared at Billy. His thoughts were incoherent half insults and c hallenges. I wondered for a moment what would be the best way to handle this sit uation, but I felt Bella relax beside me and I hoped she would be all right if I left. "Let me deal with this," she suggested. "That's probably best," I knew I wasn't calm enough right now to handle the situation well, and it wasn't good fo r me to be near them regardless. "Be careful, though. The child has no idea." Sh e stiffened suddenly. "Jacob is not that much younger than I am." I looked at he r then, feeling my own anger fade as it always did when she was angry. "Oh, I kn ow," I said, grinning at her fluffy fury. Bella sighed and put her hand on the d oor handle.

"Get them inside, so I can leave. I'll be back around dusk." "Do you want my tru ck?" Right. I rolled my eyes at her. "I could walk home faster than this truck m oves." "You don't have to leave," she said wistfully. I looked closely at her ex pression and smiled. She was sad to be away from me. I didn't want her to feel b ad, but at the same time it pleased me that she wanted to be with me so much. "A ctually, I do. After you get rid of them" -I threw a dark glance toward the porc h- "you still have to prepare Charlie to meet your new boyfriend." I grinned wid ely, showing all of my teeth, and childishly wished that my smile would scare th em, as much as it always reassured Bella. She groaned. "Thanks a lot." I knew Be lla wasn't looking forward to telling her father about me and I wished I could s tay with her, or at least be close by, or even just understand why the idea of i ntroducing us was so upsetting to her. "I'll be back soon," I promised her as we ll as reassuring myself. I hated having to leave her like this. To face the unju st scrutiny that was sure to come. I suddenly felt defiant. Perhaps it was immat ure, but I wanted to annoy them. It wasn't their business anyway. Flickering a g lance their direction, I leaned over to Bella and quickly kissed her just under her jaw on her neck. No! It's not right! Get a grip old man. Jacob eyed his fath er as Billy gripped his wheelchair and jerked forward. People kiss all the time. Why do I have to be here? This is so embarrassing. She's going to hate me. I wat ched Bella get out of the truck. "Soon," she whispered, and jogged to the porch, ducking through the rain. She must know what he is Charlie should know How could she? What if he "Hey, Billy. Hi, Jacob." Her voice sounded cheerful enough. I hop ed it wouldn't be too hard for her to diffuse the situation. "Charlie's gone for the day - I hope you haven't been waiting long." "Not long," Billy's voice soun ded subdued, but his thoughts certainly weren't. "I just wanted to bring this up ." He pointed at the brown paper bag he held. Right, great excuse, I thought as I took in his expression. He was eyeing her as if she might transform into a vam pire right in front of him. And his thoughts weren't far from believing that pos sibility. It was all I could do to keep myself from jumping out of the truck and carrying Bella away from his scrutiny forever. Self-righteous, interfering but I shouldn't interfere. It would only make her life harder. "Why don't you come in for a minute and dry off?" Bella unlocked the door and gestured for them to go i nside. "Here, let me take that," she said, reaching for the paper bag. She turne d, our eyes met for an instant, and she closed the door. Free from their scrutin y, I jumped out of the truck and raced to the woods toward home. I felt angry th e entire run, and tried to reason with myself. It's understandable that Billy Bl ack would be concerned, right? Charlie was his friend after all. I wanted to pro tect Bella even more than Billy did. We had the same concerns in that way.

Then why was he so irritating? We've never come close to breaking the treaty in all these decades, yet they don't trust us. Of course they don't. They have norm al reactions to what we are. But, Bella is safe with me. I've proven that again and again to myself. Even when I thought that anything between us would be impos sible. I would take myself out of her life before letting any part of my world h urt her. Suddenly, I realized why their interference was bothering me so much. I stopped running and stood ridged at the edge of the lawn to our house. I didn't think there was anything that he could say to Bella that would change her mind about me, but it still felt like it could shorten the time I had with her. Nothi ng I've told her made her run screaming, but eventually something would change. He could say something that would bother her, and regardless, she would change e ventually. I only had a short time with her. I didn't want anything to come betw een us, not yet. This time, right now, is all I can expect to have with Bella. A nxiety crashed over me and I knew I had to get back to her. Just as suddenly as I'd stopped, I started running again, straight to where I heard Emmett. "Hey, ca n I borrow your jeep?" "What for?" He was distracted, having a little too much f un forming lumber with his bare hand for Esme's next remodeling project. "Hey, y ou mind tossing that tree over here?" Emmett gestured to the doubled topped pine tree that was next to me. I nodded to him and pulled the small fifty foot tree out of the ground. The roots were weak, and it had a familiar blue ribbon tied t o it that Esme used to mark the diseased or unhealthy trees that needed to be ta ken out and used for other purposes. Caber-tossing the pine to Emmett, he leapt up to meet it in the air and ran his hands along the trunk removing each branch as it came closer to the ground. In a few seconds, the naked tree lay at his fee t, ready to be formed into more two by fours. "I didn't think Bella would want t o run the whole way to the clearing." "Yeah, sure." He nodded, dropping the two by four on the other boards and brushing some sawdust onto his jeans. Do me a fa vor? He thought pointedly as I reached for the keys in his pocket. I nodded to h im. Keep Bella away from Rosalie for a while. It'll make my life easier. "No pro blem." He threw me his keys as I ran to the garage. I listened for Rosalie's tho ughts as I drove away and was glad that she mainly was just determined on ignori ng me. I could live with that. Anyway, I didn't need to worry about one more thi ng. Thankfully, the Blacks were gone by the time I parked near Bella's house and Charlie was just walking through the door, so I wouldn't have to wait too long before seeing her again. I was grateful for the chance to at least see her throu gh Charlie's mind. "I put it out in the freezer." Charlie was looking at his han ds covered in soap as he washed them in the sink. "I'll go grab a few pieces bef ore they freeze - Billy dropped off some of Harry Clearwater's fish fry this aft ernoon." Ah, the contents of the paper bag.

"He did? That's my favorite." Apparently, that was a good enough reason for some one to stop by without notice. I was glad he didn't have any other questions abo ut why Billy had come. When he left Bella to go up stairs and clean up, I stoppe d paying attention to his mind and concentrated on th sounds Bella was making e in the kitchen as she cooked. Soon they were at the table eating dinner. Charlie was enjoying his food in silence, but he noticed that Bella seemed uncomfortabl e. "What did you do with yourself today?" "Well, this afternoon I just hung out around the house And this morning I was over at the Cullens'." Charlie's fork dro pped with a clang, shock echoing through his mind. "Dr. Cullen's place?" "Yeah." "What were you doing there?" Here it comes. "Well, I sort of have a date with E dward Cullen tonight, and he wanted to introduce me to his parents" Charlie's min d was full of protection and shock, pictures of Emmett flashing through his mind . "Dad, are you all right?" "You are going out with Edward Cullen?" He yelled, a nd Bella flinched. "I thought you liked the Cullens." "He's too old for you!" We ll, that was true, but not in the way that he thought. "We're both juniors," Bel la said evenly. "Wait" Charlie pictured Emmett again and Jasper and me. "Which on e is Edwin?" "Edward is the youngest, the one with the reddish brown hair." "Oh, well, that's" - he struggled to calm himself- "better, I guess. I don't like th e look of that big one. I'm sure he's a nice boy and all, but he looks toomature for you. Is this Edwin your boyfriend?" "It's Edward, Dad." "Is he?" "Sort of, I guess." Charlie noticed Bella's face flush.

"You said last night that you weren't interested in any of the boys in town." Ch arlie began eating again and his thoughts were still wary but more accepting. "W ell, Edward doesn't live in town, Dad." He looked at Bella and I could hear the silent sarcasm in his mind. "And, anyways, it's kind of at an early stage, you k now. Don't embarrass me with all the boyfriend talk, okay?" "When is he coming o ver?" "He'll be here in a few minutes." "Where is he taking you?" His thoughts w ere mainly concern for her safety. Bella groaned. "I hope you're getting the Spa nish Inquisition out of your system now. We're going to play baseball with his f amily." This was the cue I was waiting for and I started the jeep. I continued t o listen to their conversation as I drove around the block to their driveway. Ch arlie tried not to laugh as he pictured Bella when she was a little girl hating anything to do with the outdoors or sports. "You're playing baseball?" Images of her tripping also passed through his mind. "Well, I'll probably watch most of t he time." His humor quickly turned to suspicion. "You must really like this guy. " Charlie watched Bella closely as she rolled her eyes. He wasn't entirely convi nced, but let it pass. I parked in front of the house. Charlie watched Bella jum p up from the table and hurriedly put the dishes in the sink to wash them. "Leav e the dishes, I can do them tonight. You baby me too much." As protective and ap prehensive as he felt, even more than that, he wanted Bella to be happy. I recog nized in his veiled mind those same feelings that I'd had this afternoon of want ing to cherish the short time that he had with her. I was on the porch then and rang the door bell. I heard Charlie's loud footsteps clumping to the door. "Come on in, Edward," he said, opening the door. Saying my name correctly was a good sign. I smiled. Bella was right behind him and relief spread across her face whe n she saw me. I felt the same way. "Thanks, Chief Swan." "Go ahead and call me C harlie. Here, I'll take your jacket."

"Thanks, sir." "Have a seat there, Edward," he said the words casually, but ther e was a challenge in his thoughts. He was testing me. I chose to sit in the only chair by myself, leaving Bella to sit by her Dad on the couch. She gave me a di rty look and I winked at her when Charlie's back was turned. Once they were seat ed, Charlie eyed me suspiciously, but his thoughts were somewhat approving. I'd passed the chair test. "So I hear you're getting my girl to watch baseball." "Ye s, sir, that's the plan." Charlie's suspicion dissipated as he believed my words . "Well, more power to you, I guess." Charlie laughed and I couldn't help laughi ng with him. It was a good feeling to have him approve of me "Okay," Bella said, standing up. "Enough humor at my expense. Let's go." She walked to the hallway and threw on her jacket. "Not too late, Bell." Her father was anxious again. "Do n't worry, Charlie, I'll have her home early." "You take care of my girl, all ri ght?" Bella groaned, but the strength of Charlie's mental concern and love for h er crashed over me again as it so often did. I wanted to reassure him. "She'll b e safe with me, I promise, sir." He smiled, relieved at my tone. I realized that Charlie saw her fragility almost as much as I did, and when Bella stalked out o f the house, both he and I laughed at her irritation. Harmless, endearing Bella j erked to a stop, still on the porch, and her mouth fell open as she took in Emme tt's huge jeep. Charlie let out an impressed whistle. He was stunned, and only m anaged to choke out, "Wear your seat belts." I followed Bella around to the pass enger side of the jeep to help her up and opened the door. The pucker between he r eyebrows appeared and I wondered if she was afraid of riding in it, until I sa w that she was about to jump for it. I sighed, wishing she would just ask for my help. I easily lifted her with one hand up to the seat. I had to walk slowly ar ound the jeep because Charlie was still on the porch watching us through the hea vy down-pour. By the time I was at the drivers side, Bella had the seat belts ta ngled up. "What's all this?" "It's an off-roading harness." "Uh-oh." She looked concerned and continued to tangle the buckles up as she tried to find the right places for each to fit.

I let her fumble for a second, hoping she'd just ask for my help. When she didn' t, I sighed again and reached over to help her anyway. I took more time than I n eeded to buckle them, enjoying the curve of her neck and the shape of her collar bone. The time we were apart had been relatively short, but it felt far too long . It wasn't till after I'd started the jeep and pulled away from the house that Bella said anything more. "This is aumbig Jeep you have." "It's Emmett's. I didn't think you'd want to run the whole way." "Where do you keep this thing?" "We rem odeled one of the outbuildings into a garage." "Aren't you going to put on your seat belt?" I looked at her, unable to believe that she could ask that after all she knew. The jeep was in far more danger of my body hurting it, rather than an ything it could do to me. Besides, it's not like I'd crash it into anything to b egin with. Suddenly, her eyes were huge. "Run the whole way?" Her voice growing higher as she started to panic. "As in, we're still going to run part of the way ?" I grinned. "You're not going to run." "I'm going to be sick." "Keep your eyes closed, you'll be fine." She bit her lip, anxiety and panic clouding her face. I leaned over to her, hoping to calm her down, and kissed the top of her head. I groaned and I leaned away, her wet hair smelled intoxicating, delicious, desira ble. My throat burned more strongly. She looked at me questioningly. "You smell so good in the rain," I explained. "In a good way, or in a bad way?" she asked c autiously. I sighed. "Both, always both." Bella was quiet as I turned onto the p ath leading up the mountain. It was always fun driving Emmett's jeep. It could d rive practically over anything, which was good in this case because most people wouldn't consider this path a road. Bella bounced up and down in her seat, still looking nervous. I however, felt ecstatic to have her with me and couldn't stop smiling for the entire trip. The rain was slowly dissipating as we got closer t o our final destination and soon we couldn't drive any farther. "Sorry, Bella, w e have to go on foot from here." "You know what?" she said quickly. "I'll just w ait here."

"What happened to all your courage? You were extraordinary this morning." "I hav en't forgotten the last time yet." She looked like she wanted to glue herself to the seat, so I raced around to her side and started unbuckling her. "I'll get t hose," she tried to push my hands away, "you go on ahead." "Hmmm," This was going to be a bit harder than I thought. I quickly finished unbuckling her and said, "It seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory." I pulled her out of the jeep and lightly set her down. For her sake I was very glad that it was barely misting now. "Tamper with my memory?" she asked nervously. "Something like that. " I was amused at her response. As if I really might be able to manipulate someo ne's memory. No, there was a better way that I had in mind. I placed my hands ag ainst the jeep on either side of her head. She pressed her back into the vehicle as I leaned closer, my face only inches from hers. I whispered, "Now, what exac tly are you worrying about?" She looked a little disoriented. "Well, um, hitting a tree-" she gulped "-and dying. And then getting sick." I tried not to smile a t her convoluted answer and just leaned down to kiss the soft hollow at the base of her throat. "Are you still worried now?" I murmured against her skin. "Yes." She struggled to say, "About hitting trees and getting sick." I brushed my nose up her neck to the point of her chin, breathing in her heavenly scent. "And now ?" I whispered against her jaw. "Trees," she gasped. "Motion sickness." I drew m y face up to kiss her eye lids. "Bella, you don't really think I would hit a tre e, do you?" "No, but I might." Her voice sounded less sure and I could see this type of mental tampering was working quite well. I was enjoying it too. I kissed slowly down her cheek to the corner of her mouth. It felt as if that electric c urrent between us would leave a trail under my lips. "Would I let a tree hurt yo u?" I said, brushing my lips against her trembling lower lip. "No," she breathed , relaxing slightly. "You see," I said as I brushed my lips against hers. "There 's nothing to be afraid of, is there?" "No," she sighed, her sweet breath washed over my face, and she seemed to give up any further argument. Her surrender was too much to resist. I took her face in my hands less gently than I should, and kissed her with more force than I'd allowed before. I felt more human in that on e moment than I could have dreamed. The hum of electricity between us pulsed thr ough her lips into my own. She threw her arms around my neck and pressed herself against the length of my body, kissing back fiercely. Every hair follicle on th e back of my head that her fingers brushed against felt separately drawn to her warmth, as if

magnetized to the iron in her blood. When she pressed her soft frame against me, the pulsing electricity from our lips moved deeply into my chest as if my heart had been shocked to life and beat again. The throbbing spread down my leg to my toes, and I desperately wanted to hold her tighter. Her lips parted against min e and she sighed. Inhaling her breath, I could taste her sweetness. I almost los t control of my mind, but not in the way that I had before. I didn't feel the ve nom pool in my mouth as I had when I first kissed her and the need to crush her bones as I drank her blood. No, in this moment I almost lost control because I w anted her so badly. In that moment, I wanted to love her with all of my strength which is just another way for her to die. I barely managed to push her back and stumble away from her. "Damn it, Bella!" I was gasping for the air that I didn't need. "You'll be the death of me, I swear you will." She leaned over, her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. "You're indestructible," she mumbled. "I might have believed that before I met you. Now let's get out of here before I do something really stupid," I growled. Forcing myself to concentrate with mor e effort than usual to be gentle, I threw her across my back. "Don't forget to c lose your eyes." Because I was angry at myself, my voice was too harsh. Bella wr apped her limbs around me tightly and pressing her face against my back, I be ga n to run. Frustrated at my own weakness, I berated myself as the cool air cleare d my head. I was stronger than I'd been a few days ago, but still far, far too w eak. If I ever, in any way, was the cause of hurting her, I knew I wouldn't be a ble to live with myself. Or more accurately I would have to find a way to put an end to my existence because I wouldn't live without her. I could never let myse lf get that close to losing control again. I would need to draw some very carefu l lines in our physical relationship if I wanted her to stay whole. This was so much more complicated than I'd first thought, and my first thought had been that our relationship would be impossible. I knew now that what we had wasn't imposs ible, it was merely insane in every visible angle imaginable. But if I could gro w accustomed to her scent so well, desensitize my desire for her blood perhaps I could desensitize myself to her physical touch and my need for her? More insani ty. How could any man, let alone one who was vampire and a 108 year old virgin e xpect to NOT want to hold the only woman he'd ever loved more tightly. Desensiti zing seemed ridiculous in this sense, but perhaps, if I drew those careful lines and just made sure I never crossed them, I could keep the control that we both needed to survive. The only problem of course was not being able to anticipate B ella's reactions. Her responses to me where so completely wonderful and desirabl e and terrifyingly irresistible all at once. I began to make a mental list of do 's and don'ts for when I showed affection for her, and mentally tried to prepare myself for her possible responses. The cool air and mossy smell of the forest h elped to distract me from the desirable beauty clinging to my back while my ment al organization also helped to calm me down. I stopped running a little ways fro m the clearing, still in the forest, so that Bella could compose herself before seeing my family again. Reaching back to touch her hair, I said, "It's over Bell a." She let go of me, slipping to the ground. She landed and gasped. "Oh!" She s aid, and I turned in time to see her laying on her back with her arms and legs s till out in front of her for a second. I stared at her for a moment, unable to b elieve that she would be sick again. She couldn't have felt the movement, and sh e had closed her eyes, but she looked so confused. As if she simply had forgotte n to put her legs down to stand up. I realized suddenly that that's what had hap pened. It was impossible to keep the howls of laughter from coming. Her expressi on was priceless and beyond endearing.

She scrambled up and brushed the mud and leaves from the back of her jacket. I s houldn't have, but that only made me laugh harder. Bella looked annoyed and stom ped off into the forest, tripping over the dead branc hes. I stopped laughing an d caught her around the waist. "Where are you going, Bella?" "To watch a basebal l game. You don't seem to be interested in playing anymore, but I'm sure the oth ers will have fun without you." "You're going the wrong way." She turned around without a look at me and stomped off in the opposite direction. I caught her aga in. "Don't be mad, I couldn't help myself. You should have seen your face." I ch uckled before I could stop myself. "Oh, you're the only one who's allowed to get made?" She raised an accusing eyebrow and I realized what she was referring to. "I wasn't mad at you," I said quietly. "'Bella, you'll be the death of me'?" sh e quoted scowling at the ground. "That was simply a statement of fact." I wonder ed why this was so hard for her to understand, and how I could explain it better ? She tried to turn away from me again, but I wouldn't let her leave. "You were mad," she insisted. "Yes." "But you just said -" "That I wasn't mad at you. Can' t you see that, Bella?" I was desperate to make her realize this. "Don't you und erstand?" "See what?" She was obviously confused, and I wondered if she had alwa ys thought I was mad at her all those times when I was only frustrated at myself . "I'm never angry with you - how could I be? Brave, trustingwarm as you are." Ho w could she have ever blamed herself? "Then why?" she whispered. The hurt in her eyes was unbearable. I carefully put my hands on either side of her face. "I in furiate myself," I said gently. "The way I can't seem to keep from putting you i n danger. My very existence puts you at risk. Sometimes I truly hate myself. I s hould be stronger, I should be able to.." She put her hand over my mouth. "Don't ," she said in a shaky voice. I moved her hand to the side of my face, and said the only explanation that I new she would accept, "I love you."

Her eyes softened and her hand grew warmer against my face as she blushed. "It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true. Now, please try to behav e yourself." I wanted to try kissing her again and do it properly; without any n ear death experience. Bella didn't move while I softly brushed my lips against h ers. After a few minutes that weren't long enough, she sighed. "You promised Chi ef Swan that you would have me home early, remember? We'd better get going." "Ye s, ma'am." I smiled wistfully, never feeling like I could get enough of her embr ace. I released her and took her hand in mine, leading her through the last of t he forest and to the edge of the clearing. Carlisle was marking bases, Jasper an d Alice were warming up, and Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie were the closest to us, a bout a hundred yards away sitting on some rocks. Great. They're here. Rosalie th ought sarcastically. And I'm gone. She stood up and walked away from us into the field. Emmett stared after her. I wonder how mad she'll be tonight oh well. He s tood up coming after Esme toward us. As Esme came towards us, full of smiles and gushing thoughts of welcome that she tried to hide so she wouldn't overwhelm Be lla she said, "Was that you we heard, Edward?" "It sounded like a bear chocking, " Emmett clarified. Bella smiled shyly at them. "That was him." "Bella was being unintentionally funny," I explained glaring at Emmett as his mind filled with h umor and more ways to tease me for the next decade. I would have liked to see th at. Emmett smirked and looked at Bella as if he hoped to see her do some funny h uman thing. I rolled my eyes at him and then turned to see Alice running toward us. She was remembering the vision of the storm and it was starting to sync with the clouds and light around us. She stopped suddenly and announced, "It's time. " Immediately a rumble of thunder echoed through the mountains. Emmett turned to Bella. "Eerie, isn't it?" He winked. "Let's go." Alice said, and taking Emmett' s hand, they ran to the field. I turned excitedly to Bella. "Are you ready for s ome ball?" "Go team!" she said, obviously making an effort to sound enthusiastic . Chuckling, I ruffled her hair before taking off to join the others. I was even more eager then the rest of them. We didn't have many chances to play and this time I was more excited than any other. There was something so satisfying in hav ing an even number of people. I'd been the odd man out for so long, and didn't r ealize till now just how much I'd been

missing. I wanted to be watching Bella's expressions through Esme's mind as she saw us play, but, I'll admit, I felt like showing off even more. We split the te ams up. Alice would be pitching for us. Carlisle and I ended up on the same team as Alice. I was in the outfield as usual and Carlisle covered the bases. Emmett was first up to bat. Jasper was catching for now. Esme and Bella had made it to the edge of the field. "All right," Esme called, "Batter up." He won't see this one coming. Alice released the ball like a bullet from a gun and it smacked int o Jasper's bare hand. Strike one. She grinned briefly before masking her express ion again. Emmett was ready for the next pitch. He never did anything half way, and always hit as hard as he could. He grinned. Eat this, bro. And the bat crash ed into the ball. But I started running even before he'd made contact. As I ran I could see the trajectory of the ball through Alice's and Emmett's minds especi ally and was already in the woods, snagging it before it hit the ground. Esme he ard me catch it of course and cried "Out!" before I got back to the field, grinn ing at Bella, though I doubted that she could see well from this distance. I've never seen Edward smile so much. Hilariously idiotic, man. Jasper was truly enjo ying my good humor right now after the days and years of my moodiness. Next up w as Jasper and he absorbed my excitement to supposedly further his batting strate gy. He hit a ground ball toward Carlisle and they raced to first. When they cras hed into each other, I saw Bella jump up, her face looked worried. So needlessly concerned, but now she understood another reason why we needed the thunder to p lay besides to cover for the sound of batting. "Safe," Esme called. Rosalie was up then and hit one that managed to get past Carlisle, bouncing once before I sn agged it and threw it to third where Carlisle got Jasper out. Rosalie's thoughts were smug as she made it to second. Emmett was at bat again. Right field, left field, right fieldhe was doing the familiar chant in his mind. Up high, down low, where it stops no one will know. I rolled my eyes. Emmett was always trying to throw me off so I wouldn't know where he was going to hit the ball. Not that it mattered much. I caught Emmett's long fly for the third out, but Rosalie had mad e it home while the ball was in the air. They were up by one. Sprinting up to Be lla, I asked, "What do you think?" "One thing's for sure, I'll never be able to sit through dull old Major League Baseball again." "And it sounds like you did s o much of that before," I laughed. "I am a little disappointed," Humor sparkled in her eyes. "Why?" I was puzzled.

"Well, it would be nice if I could find just one thing you didn't do better than everyone else on the planet." I smiled, enjoying her praise. "I'm up," I said a nd headed for the plate. Rosalie was in the outfield. Just try and get it past m e, you jerk. What's it going to be? High? Low? I'm ready for anything. Emmett kn ew that if I could hit the ball high enough I could feasibly run around the base s, even though they were of course spread out much more than in normal baseball, and make it home before either of them could catch the ball. I'd done it before , but depending on how ready he was to jump I might not get th chance. e Jasper tried to empty his mind so I wouldn't know when he was going to pitch. Alice was catching now, but couldn't see what Jasper was going to throw because he was tr ying to keep himself from decided until he threw the ball. A half second before he pitched, I knew he was going to, and I was ready. I swung the bat as if I wer e going to hit the ball high. It's going up. Emmett tensed to spring. At the las t second I slowed the speed of the bat and changed the angle, hitting a ground b all. In the split second that it took Emmett to change his posture and snag it, I'd made it to second. "Hey, what was that?" Emmett asked "What, was what?" "You know what." He tossed the ball to Jasper. Yeah, I did, but I liked teasing him. Don't look now, Edward, but Carlisle's going to hit it out of the park. Not tha t it was an advantage to know that, but it was always entertaining to play with Alice. Carlisle's home run brought us up by two. Alice was waiting at home to sl ap us high-fives as we came in. Alice was up at bat next. Jasper was pretty good at keeping himself from making a decision about what kind of pitch he'd make, b ut Alice always managed to hit anything regardless. Hitting low, she made it to first before Rosalie snagged it. When I was up I managed to knock a low one past Emmett, but Rosalie made a impressive dive and tossed it to Emmett at third, ge tting Alice out, before he flicked the ball to Jasper getting me out at second. "Yeah, now we're warmed up!" Emmett hooted. "Nice play," Carlisle called, "but y ou're still going to lose." "You wish," Rosalie said. "He's right though," Alice grinned. "You are going to lose. I know these things."

"You don't know that yet!" Jasper teased back. "There are too many variables." " All right, all right!" Esme said, "Carlisle's up, let's get back into the game." Carlisle knocked the ball twenty feet above Emmett's head. Emmett sprang for it , making the third out, then went to bat. The game continued pretty much the sam e as usual, we took turns taking the lead and razz ing each other. At the top of the third the score was 7 to 5 in our favor. Alice was on second, Carlisle was batting and I was catching, when Alice gasped. My head snapped up and we stared at each other. Her vision was of the three visitors. They were coming here. now. Immediately, I raced to Bella's side. "Alice?" Esme asked tensely. "I didn't see - I couldn't tell," she whispered. Everyone was around us now. "What is it, Ali ce?" Carlisle asked calmly. "They were traveling much quicker than I thought. I can see I had the perspective wrong before," she mumbled. Jasper leaned over her protectively. "What changed?" "They heard us playing, and it changed their path ." I'm sorry Edward, this is my fault. She felt responsible, but it wasn't her f ault. It was mine for bringing Bella here at all, for not being able to leave he r alone to begin with. Everyone glanced quickly at Bella for an instant. "How so on?" Carlisle asked, turning to me. I listened for their minds, gauging how far away they were to how fast they were moving. "Less than five minutes. They're ru nning - they want to play." I scowled. "Can you make it?" He glanced at Bella. " No, not carrying -" I couldn't finish the sentence. "Besides, the last thing we need is for them to catch the scent and start hunting." "How many?" Emmett asked Alice. "Three." "Three!" he scoffed. "Let them come." We can take out three. Wh at's the big deal? Emmett flexed eagerly. Carlisle weighed the options for a spl it second. No one was as eager to fight as Emmett was. "Let's just continue the game," Carlisle decided. "Alice said they were simply curious." Edward, Esme loo ked at me, are they thirsty?

I shook my head. But with the way Bella smells it wouldn't matter, even if they fed recently, they wouldn't be safe around her. "You catch, Esme," I said. "I'll call it now." I stood in front of Bella, the others were warily watching the wo ods as they took their positions again. "Take your hair down," I told her. I did n't want her neck exposed. She slid the rubber band from her pony-tail and her h air spilled over her shoulders. "The others are coming now," she stated. "Yes, s tay very still, keep quiet, and don't move from my side, please." I tried to hid e the stress in my voice, but I wondered if she could hear it all the same. I pu lled her hair forward and tucked it around her neck and face. "That won't help," Alice said softly. "I could smell her across the field." "I know," I said, frus trated. I had to at least try, there was a small chance. I barely noticed Carlis le as he stood at the plate. No one was paying much attention to the game now. " What did Esme ask you?" Bella whispered. I didn't want to answer her, but I wasn 't going to hide it from her either. "Whether they were thirsty," I muttered. He r eyes were wide, but she was quiet and stayed behind me. I turned my head back toward the field and forest. The game continued, but no one hit harder than a bu nt. Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper hovered in the infield. I was grateful for their nearness to protect Bella. Rosalie was resentful. Told you so idiotshe's not wort h it. But I couldn't pay much attention to her, or to Jasper's strategies, or Ca rlisle's concerns for what could happen, or any of my family's thoughts. My mind was too full of my own fears and guilt. I kept my mind intent only on the stran gers. I scanned the forest trying to anticipate where they would come through th e edge of the woods into the clearing. I gauged the distance and the time, and a nything I could pick from their brains that would tell me what sort of vampires they were. Their only thoughts were anticipation and a natural wariness, not kno wing what to expect from us. After the few minutes that seemed to stretch for ho urs, I could see the light from the clearing growing closer through their minds. The shadows of the trees lessened, they slowed their pace as they came close to the edge of the woods. Before they were in hearing range, I muttered, "I'm sorr y, Bella." Knowing it could never be enough, I still had to apologize. "It was s tupid, irresponsible, to expose you like this. I'm so sorry." Suddenly, my breat h caught in my throat. I could see my family through their minds. Angling myself in front of Bella, I put myself between her and their approach. Carlisle, Emmet t, and the others heard them now and turned as well. Of everyone around me, Emme tt's eager thoughts were the most intense. Yeah show time. The Hunt -20 It was ex cruciating standing here, waiting for them to approach. Every ounce of my being wanted to take Bella away from here, away from them, of any possible danger. My jaw was clenched

tightly and it was a struggle to keep from reaching out to hold onto her. Everyt hing in me wanted to wrap my arms around her, protect her, shelter her from what ever was coming. But I knew better. And even if I didn't, Carlisle silently remi nded me of the necessity of acting normal. She needs to blend in...we can't draw attention to her. I knew this, and I would play my part. I forced myself to loo k more at ease than I felt and I focused all of my attention on the thoughts of the strangers. One by one they stepped into the clearing several meters apart. T he first male to emerge from the forest had short light brown hair, and he immed iately stepped back, orienting himself behind the other darker-haired male. Thei r muscles were tense and they walked in a half crouch as they gradually closed r ank. The third, a female, had brilliant orange hair filled with leaves and twigs from the forest. Her thoughts were edgy, acutely sensing any possible danger as they approached us. Carlisle, flanked by Emmett and Jasper, stepped guardedly f orward to meet them. Each of the three strangers took a mental note of Carlisle' s tailored appearance and easy, more human manner of walking. They each stood st raighter relaxing their tensed muscles, th darke haired male in the lead smiled easily. Males and females evenly balanced, mates no doubt. Perhaps there's some fun in that. Look how they stand there, pretending that we are nothing to them bu t they have nothing to offer us. Surely none of them could rival James They're d ifferent, gold eyes how odd The leading male's thoughts were mainly curious and as he observed each of us, slightly envious of our clean appearance. The tall blon d, he is the true fighter. He stands tall, but his eyes and his scars say more t han words. He is the dangerous one. There certainly are a lot of them, the femal e thought, analyzed our strengths, and who the formidable fighters among us woul d be. She immediately discounted all the women as fighters in her mind, assuming her experience would allow her to best any one of them. Routinely, marking an e scape route in her mind, should it be necessary. Halting their approach several feet from Carlisle, the leader stepped forward, still smiling. "We thought we he ard a game," he said easily, with a slight French accent. "I'm Laurent, these ar e Victoria and James." "I'm Carlisle. This is my family, Emmett and Jasper, Rosa lie, Esme and Alice, Edward and Bella." "Do you have room for a few more players ?" Laurent's thoughts were merely interested in being sociable. Victoria's thoug hts were less trusting, watching each of us closely, but she didn't notice Bella especially, simply considering her the weakest of us all. The slight wind was i n our favor at the moment. Blowing Bella's scent away from them. James was surpr ised and even frustrated, forming half sentences in his mind that I couldn't fol low, but there was no indication that they sensed anything wrong. "Actually," Ca rlisle said, matching Laurent's friendly tone, "we were just finishing up. But w e'd certainly be interested another time. Are you planning to stay in the area f or long?"

"We're headed north, in fact, but we were curious to see who was in the neighbor hood. We haven't run into any company in a long time." Jasper took in the emotio ns of the three strangers, sensing Victoria's unease and James' intensity, he em anated a calming atmosphere. Both of their minds were mostly quiet, mainly just taking in the conversation, unsure what to expect. Yet there was a deceptive vic ious edg to their thoughts. e I got the impression that they only came here beca use Laurent was curious. "No, this region is usually empty except for us and the occasional visitor, like yourself." Carlisle smiled genially. "What's your hunt ing range?" Laurent inquired casually. "The Olympic Range here, up and down the Coast Ranges on occasion. We keep a permanent residence nearby. There's another permanent settlement like ours up near Denali." Laurent rocked back on his heels , surprised. How is that possible? Eight in one place? So many of them are here, yet this is hardly a populated area. "Permanent? How do you manage that?" "Why d on't you come back to our home with us and we can talk comfortably?" Carlisle in vited. "It's a rather long story." A permanent settlement? What kind of vampires are these? James and Victoria were shocked when they heard the word "home." The y glanced at each other quickly, wondering at our strange coven. Laurent hid his surprise more easily. "That sounds very interesting, and welcome. W e've been o n the hunt all the way down from Ontario, and we haven't had the chance to clean up in a while." He looked appreciatively over Carlisle's refined appearance. Vi ctoria seemed willing to come, though still wary. James didn't seem to care eith er way, he pictured their hunt from Ontario, slightly bored that it had been so easy to track. "Please don't take offense, but we'd appreciate it if you'd refra in from hunting in this immediate area." Carlisle explained, "We have to stay in conspicuous, you unde rstand." "Of course." Laurent nodded, untroubled. "We cert ainly won't encroach on your territory. We just ate outside of Seattle, anyway," he laughed. I heard Bella's heart rate speed slightly at his words. "We'll show you the way if you'd like to run with us - Emmett and Alice, you can go with Ed ward and Bella to get the Jeep." As Carlisle spoke the wind changed direction, a nd Bella's speeding heart pulsed under her skin, emphasizing her desirable scent . I stiffened, clenching my jaw as James whipped his h ead around, staring right at Bella. His nostrils flared as he smelled her scent. Delicious, the most lusc ious I've encountered, almost Lurching one step into a crouch, James focused on B ella's pulse at her neck. Ready to attack. At the same instant, I bared my teeth e, crouching in defense. An involuntary snarl ripped from my throat. He would no t touch her. "What's this?" Laurent exclaimed in surprised.

"She's with us." Carlisle firmly said, glaring at James. James thought of ways t o get around me, moving slightly to one side or the other. I moved at the same t ime, hearing his thoughts and anticipating. Well this should be interesting. Vic toria thought, A whole family of vampires protecting one pathetic little human. One of whom seems rather attached to her. Laurent caught Bella's scent then, as well. "You brought a snack?" He stepped forward, involuntarily drawn to her lusc ious scent. I snarled harshly, fiercer, baring my teeth at him. Laurent stepped back in surprise and thought, Such an overreaction. James will enjoy this one a bit too much. "I said she's with us," Carlisle corrected in a hard voice. "But s he's human," Laurent's astonishment was tangible. "Yes," Emmett said eying James , Don't worry Edward. If the twerp tries anything I'll take him out. James slowl y straightened up, his eyes never left mine. He was angry, not used to being thw arted. I can wait, he thought. I'll start tracking tonight. He won't be able to protect the human forever. His anger turned to excitement, his nostrils still wi de, taking in her desirable scent. What a fascinating challenge. We came for one game and found another even better I will taste her. But not yet, there are too m any players in this game to grow sloppy. She will be worth the wait I was still c rouching in front of Bella and suddenly I wished he would try something immediat ely so that I could kill him. End this now. End him for even thinking of hurting her. But how could I do that in front of Bella? Dismember a sentient being righ t in front of her? She would see the monster then and run screaming from me as I always expected her to. How could she ever look at me the same way if she saw t hat? No, I would have to take her far away. Keep hiding her, always running. I w ould protect her from him. Laurent spoke, a placating tone in his voice and emba rrassment filling his thoughts, "It appears we have a lot to learn about each ot her." "Indeed," Carlisle said coolly. "But we'd like to accept your invitation." Laurent glanced at Bella quickly. "And, of course, we will not harm the human g irl. We won't hunt in your range, as I said." James glanced in disbelief and agg ravation at him. He might not hunt with me, but Victoria will. Useful as she is. I'll need some help with so many adversaries. Then he exchanged a brief look wi th Victoria. She barely nodded at him, knowing from experience what he would be planning. Her thoughts were in line with his, immensely confident that he would succeed, because apparently, he always did. Carlisle wondered for a moment how t o safely proceed, if it was a good idea to lead them to our home. It's for the b est Edward, he thought with no outward display that he was speaking to me, the l eader will surely be able to convince the others, and perhaps they will join us as well. He was assured by Laurent's open expression, hopeful to change their mi nds about their lifestyle. Always ready to evangelize and give the benefit of an y doubt he said confidently, "We'll show you the way. Jasper, Rosalie, Esme?" As soon as he called their names they gathered closely behind him, blocking Bella from view. Alice was instantly by Bella's side and Emmett kept his eyes locked o n James as he backed toward us.

When Bella was completely blocked from their view I turned to her. Knowing this would just be the beginning, the words seemed to mean more. "Let's go, Bella." A nd we would go, and keep going. Alice's visions echoed my decisions as she searc hed for something positive, something that would let us be together as a whole a gain, but that was impossible now. I had to tug sharply on Bella's elbow to make her move. We wouldn't be able to stop running now. She looked terrified, her ey es wide with horror. How could I be so stupid? Why did I bring her at all? When I found out they were coming, I should have taken Bella and run to begin with. I wanted to run immediately, but I forced myself to walk at a human pace to the f orest. I didn't want James to get more excited then he already was. It was excru ciating to walk away. Knowing, that everything that I was trying to avoid from t he first moment I saw Bella was starting to crash down around me. She was in dan ger because of me. My family would have to move, ruining the life we'd built her e, because of my own weakness. And all I could do was walk away, leaving him bac k there, the euphoric hunter in his twisted adventure story. I grew angrier as I kept listening to his mind, his plans to capture Bella, his excitement of how I 'd defend and avenge her. He viewed himself as a strategist, brave, and confiden t, winning the "game" at whatever cost. As soon as we were under the cover of th e forest, I slung Bella over my back without breaking stride and took off. My fu ry drove me faster than I'd ever run before, wanting to escape his demented, mas ochistic thoughts. When we reached the jeep I flung her in the backseat. "Strap her in," I ordered Emmett as he slid in beside her. Alice was already in the fro nt seat as I started the engine. This was it. I had to get her out of here, take her far away, but the more I thought about the situation the angrier I became. The jeep couldn't move fast enough over this bumpy trail. Emmett glared out the window, his thoughts were irritated. He hated to run away. Alice continued to fl ip through possibilities of the future. It was like a bad version of Mission Imp ossible. Possibilities of Bella and myself hiding out in different places, of th e necessity for the rest of the family to move every three months, and then the possibility of Bella being transformed into a vampire. When I saw her vision of Bella as one of us, the epitome of everything I'd been trying to avoid through a ll of this, beyond frustrated at that point, I mumbled out a string of profaniti es. Everything was crashing down around me. All the care that I took to keep her safe with me meant nothing, but I would not be that selfish. I would run foreve r to keep her safe, to do what was best for her, but turning her wasn't going to happen. My own selfishness caused this problem, and two wrongs didn't make a ri ght. When we hit the main road, going south away from Forks, I was able to incre ase our speed, but it didn't make me feel any better. "Where are we going?" Bell a asked. None of us answered or looked at her. Neither Alice nor Emmett had dire cted their thoughts towards me since we left the clearing though now I could sen se something building in the back of both their minds that they were unwilling t o share with me. "Dammit, Edward! Where are you taking me?" "We have to get you away from here - far away - now." I didn't look back at her. She didn't have a c hoice in the matter.

"Turn around! You have to take me home!" she shouted, struggling at the harness. "Emmett," I said grimly. He understood, grasping her wrists like handcuffs so s he couldn't hurt herself, and thought. Feisty, isn't she? I think I get what you see in this girl. Bella kept yelling, "No! Edward! No, you can't do this." "I h ave to, Bella, now please be quiet." "I won't! You have to take me back - Charli e will call the FBI! They'll be all over your family Carlisle and Esme! They'll have to leave, to hide forever!" "Calm down, Bella." Where else could my folly e nd? This was inevitable from the beginning. "We've been there before." "Not over me, you don't! You're not ruining everything over me!" She struggled fruitlessl y. "Edward, pull over." Alice said. I glared at her, knowing what she'd want to try to convince me of, and sped up. "Edward, let's just talk this through." "You don't understand," I roared, frustrated. "He's a tracker, Alice, did you see th at? He's a tracker!" Not good. Emmett thought. "Pull over, Edward." Alice said a gain. I pushed the jeep past one-twenty. "Do it, Edward." "Listen to me, Alice. I saw his mind. Tracking is his passion, his obsession - and he wants her, Alice - her, specifically. He begins the hunt tonight." "He doesn't know where -" "Ho w long do you think it will take him to cross her scent in town? His plan was al ready set before the words were out of Laurent's mouth." Bella gasped, "Charlie! You can't leave him there! You can't leave him!" She thrashed a gainst the harn ess. "She's right," Alice said quietly. I barely lifted my foot from the gas ped al. "Let's just look at our options for a minute," she coaxed. I allowed the jee p to slow even more. Suddenly, the determination in Alice's mind, her view that turning Bella was the only option at this point and the only logical thing to do made me realize that I couldn't ignore this conversation anymore.

Screeching to a halt on the side of the highway, I hissed, "There are no options ." I wasn't going to change her. Hadn't we been through this? Damning her to thi s existence was not denote saving her. "I'm not leaving Charlie!" Bella yelled. I ignored her. "We have to take her back," Emmett finally spoke. "No." This wasn 't open for discussion. "He's no match for us, Edward. He won't be able to touch her." "He'll wait." Emmett grinned. "I can wait, too." "You didn't see - you do n't understand. Once he commits to a hunt, he's unshakable. We'd have to kill hi m." Unperturbed as ever, Emmett simply said, "That's an option." "And the female . She's with him. If it turns into a fight, the leader will go with them, too." "There are enough of us." Your lack of confidence is insulting. I knew the odds were in our favor, but one wrong move on our part, one moment of being t oo dist racted by the fight, and he could get to her. I didn't want to give him any chan ce, and I couldn't stand the thought of him coming near to Bella. After a second , Alice said quietly, "There's another option." I knew what she meant. She menta lly threw the vision at me this time, Bella with the red eyes of a newborn vampi re and Alice's arm around her as best friends. Alice had no qualms with Bella lo osing her humanity since she herself didn't remember her humanity to miss it. Su re it would make Alice happy and be easier for all of us, especially me, but wha t would Bella think afterwards? After feeling the burning torture in her throat and the sameness of eternity? There was no way to answer this from that one imag e that Alice held so firmly to. No, it would simply be more selfishness, and I s narled at Alice, "There - is - no - other - option!" Alice and I glared at each other. She threw every possible vision at me of what my life would be like alway s on the run and hiding Bella while I simply stared her down. I knew how hard it would be, but when was the right thing easy? You are so irritatingly stubborn! She thought in exasperation as the visions only became more clear and firm in he r mind as my decisions solidified. I could have said the same about her, but it didn't matter because this wasn't her decision to make. It was mine, and I would n't allow Bella life or soul to be put in danger by my existence. After this lon g outward silence, Bella said, "Does anyone want to hear my plan?" "No," I growl ed. For all I knew it would be the same as Alice's, or, knowing how she had no s elfpreservation instincts at all, she'd want to just sacrifice herself to the mo nster and be done with it. I rolled my eyes, ludicrous. Alice glared furiously a t me, Why not? It's her life.

"Listen," Bella pleaded. "You take me back." "No," I interrupted. Too close. Bel la glared at me and continued. "You take me back. I tell my dad I want to go hom e to Phoenix. I pack my bags. We wait till this tracker is watching, and then we run. He'll follow us and leave Charlie alone. Charlie won't call the FBI on you r family. Then you can take me any damned place you want." All three of us were stunned, staring speechlessly at her. At how rationally she was thinking given t he circumstances. Her reactions were never normal. "It's not a bad idea, really. " Emmett pointed out, surprised at her strategy. "It might work - and we simply can't leave her father unprotected. You know that," Alice said. Everyone looked at me, expectant, but I couldn't bare to take her back. "It's too dangerous - I don't want him within a hundred miles of her." "Edward, he's not getting through us." Emmett said supremely confident. Alice flipped through more visions, able to see other possibilities now that I was considering another option. "I don't s ee him attacking. He'll try to wait for us to leave her alone." "It won't take l ong for him to realize that's not going to happen," I said. And then he'll try t o take us on. She is bound to get hurt then. "I demandthat you take me home." I pressed my fingers to my temples and squeezed my eyes shut, blocking out their t houghts, and concentrating. I couldn't leave her father unprotected it was true. She would hate me more for that than anything else, but how could I take Bella toward the danger? "Please," Bella said in a small voice. I couldn't refuse that plea. Worn down and without looking up, I said, "You're leaving tonight, whethe r the tracker sees or not. You tell Charlie that you can't stand another minute in Forks. Tell him whatever story works. Pack the first things your hands touch, and then get in your truck. I don't care what he says to you. You have fifteen minutes. Do you hear me? Fifteen minutes from the time you cross the doorstep." Starting the jeep again, I spun us around, and headed back to Forks as quickly a s I could. I vaguely heard Emmett and Bella speak as he freed her hands, but my mind was too preoccupied with what we were about to do. Taking her back, willing ly bringing her closer to danger, felt as if someone just told me I had to cut o ff one of my own limbs. The thought was excruciating. "This is how it's going to happen." I finally decided. "When we get to the house, if the tracker is not th ere, I will walk her to the door. Then she has fifteen minutes." I glared at her in the rearview mirror, making her understand that I couldn't handle more than that. "Emmett, you take the outside of the house. Alice, you get the truck. I'll be inside as long as she is. After she's out, you two can take the Jeep home an d tell Carlisle." "No way," Emmett broke in. "I'm with you." "Think it through, Emmett. I don't know how long I'll be gone."

"Until we know how far this is going to go, I'm with you." I sighed, knowing I w ouldn't be able to change his mind. "If the tracker is there," I continued, admi tting my limit, "we keep driving." "We're going to make it there before him," Al ice said as she focused on visions of the near future. She could be extremely ir ritating with her opinions, but definitely useful. Then she said, "What are we g oing to do with the Jeep?" "You're driving it home." "No, I'm not," she calmly s aid. This was not happening, and she was definitely more annoying than useful. I muttered a few choice words, too angry to come up with an intelligible argument . "We can't all fit in my truck," Bella whispered. I ignored her. Her truck woul dn't be fast enough anyway, we'd have to find something else regardless. That's not why I was angry. I barely could think of Emmett coming, for God knows how lo ng, but not Alice too. It wasn't fair to them. This was my fault and I should be the one to take care of it. Even more quietly Bella said, "I think you should l et me go alone." Right. "Bella, please just do this my way," I said through clen ched teeth, "just this once." She would never keep herself safe, she had proven time and time again that she had no idea how to think of her own safety. "Listen , Charlie's not an imbecile," she protested. "If you're not in town tomorrow, he 's going to get suspicious." "That's irrelevant. We'll make sure he's safe, and that's all that matters." There was no way I'd let her have her way this time. " Then what about this tracker? He saw the way you acted tonight. He's going to th ink you're with me, wherever you are." Wow, she's good. "Edward, listen to her," Emmett urged. "I think she's right." "Yes, she is," Alice agreed. And you know it. "I can't do that." If taking Bella toward danger felt like severing a limb t hen letting her go alone was the equivalent to sticking my arm in fire and letti ng it burn. "Emmett should stay, too," Bella continued. "He definitely got an ey eful of Emmett." "What?" Emmett didn't like that idea so well. "You'll get a bet ter crack at him if you stay," Alice pointed out. I couldn't believe we were dis cussing this. Incredulous, I looked at Alice. "You think I should let her go alo ne?" "Of course not. Jasper and I will take her."

"I can't do that," I repeated, but began to realize that this might be the best option to keep her safe. Bella started in with her idea again. "Hang out here fo r a week -" I glared at her in the mirror and she amended her plan. "- a few day s. Let Charlie see you haven't kidnapped me, and lead this James on a wild-goose chase. Make sure he's completely off my trail. Then come and meet me. Take a ro undabout route, of course, and then Jasper and Alice can go home." It sounded lo gical. "Meet you where?" "Phoenix." "No. He'll hear that's where you're going," I said impatiently. "And you'll make it look like that's a ruse, obviously. He'l l know that we'll know that he's listening. He'll never believe I'm actually goi ng where I say I am going." Emmett chuckled. "She's diabolical." "And if that do esn't work?" Obviously he might not believe the ruse. "There are several million people in Phoenix," she said confidently. "It's not that hard to find a phone b ook." "I won't go home." "Oh?" I couldn't imagine how she would be capable of ta king care of herself in such a large city with so many dangers. "I'm quite old e nough to get my own place." I rolled my eyes. Age had nothing to do with it. "Ed ward, we'll be with her," Alice reminded me. "What are you going to do in Phoeni x?" I asked scathingly. "Stay indoors." Of course. "I kind of like it." Emmett w as getting excited. He won't know what hit him... "Shut up, Emmett." They couldn 't understand how much it hurt me to think of being away from her. "Look, if we try to take him down while she's still around," he explained, "There's a much be tter chance that someone will get hurt - she'll get hurt, or you will, trying to protect her. Now, if we get him alone" He grinned slowly, thinking about corneri ng James for a fight. We take him out. I couldn't argue with that. She would be safer away from me, just as I always knew was true, and now it was proven to me again. As we drove into Forks I realized that I was driving more slowly than I e ver had before. I felt deflated, like my life was slowly being sapped away. Ever y ounce of my being wanted to prolong the time that I had with her. The jeep cra wled through town and I knew I would do it. I knew I would metaphorically have t o burn my limb off to let her leave me. To keep her safe. I loved her too much t o do any less.

"Bella," I said softly. "If you let anything happen to yourself - anything at al l - I'm holding you personally responsible. Do you understand?" She gulped, "Yes ." I turned to Alice. "Can Jasper handle this?" "Give him some credit, Edward. H e's been doing very, very well, all things considered." "Can you handle this?" I asked. Alice knew what I meant and pulled her lips back in a horrific grimace, a guttural snarl tore through her teeth. I smiled, she was a pretty terrifying l ittle monster when she wanted to be, and I knew she was capable of keeping Bella safe. Suddenly, I remembered her other "option" for Bella's safety, and muttere d, "But keep your opinions to yourself." Goodbyes - 21 I slowly pulled into the driveway behind Bella's truck, reaching out with my mind for any hint of the ene my. Emmett and Alice both scanned the forest, detecting every scent, every movem ent. I turned off the engine and we continued to listen. Bella's heart was begin ning to speed up as we looked for a sign of James, but he wasn't there. He didn' t hear her racing pulse. "He's not here," I said tensely. "Let's go." Emmett hel ped Bella out of the harness. "Don't worry, Bella," he said, cheerfully thinking of the fight to come, "we'll take care of things here quickly." Through Emmett' s mind, I saw Bella's eyes filling with tears. She must be terribly afraid, and all this because of my stupidity. "Alice, Emmett." I ordered. They immediately w ent to their posts by her truck and the back of the house. I opened Bella's door and took her hand to help her down, wrapping my arms around her, I wished they could be a protective shield to her and that I would never have to let her go. I walked her quickly toward the house, peering through the woods for any sign of movement. Alice and Emmett were just as vigilant and I listened to their assurin g thoughts as well. When we stood on the porch I leaned closely to her and stern ly whispered, "Fifteen minutes." "I can do this." She sniffled and wiped a tear away. Suddenly, her eyes grew intense, burning into my own. "I love you," she sa id fiercely "I will always love you, no matter what happens now." I leaned close r to her, willing her to not be afraid. "Nothing is going to happen to you, Bell a," I said just as fiercely, assuring her as well as myself. "Just follow the pl an, okay? Keep Charlie safe for me. He's not going to like me very much after th is, and I want to have the chance to apologize later." "Get inside, Bella. We ha ve to hurry." I was growing anxious with new visions from Alice of James showing up before we'd driven away. "One more thing," she whispered passionately, her l oving soul laid bare in the deep pool of her s eyes. "Don't listen to another wo rd I say tonight!" I was frozen, unsure what to make of her words and completely awed at the transparent abandoned I saw in the depths of her eyes. No other tim e had I been able to see her meaning

more clearly, as if I could read her mind. She loved me more than I had known, a nd I was stunned. Suddenly, she took my face in her hands and stretched up to ki ss me. A burning, passionate, seal to the promise I saw in her eyes. When she pu lled away from me, her eyes pooled with hot tears. She turned quickly and kicked the door open and yelled. "Go away, Edward!" Running inside, she slammed the do or in my shocked face. "Bella?" Charlie said, concern, and suspicious accusation directed at me were pouring through his mind. "Leave me alone!" She screamed at him. I felt his mind recoil as he watched the flood of tears pour from her eyes . He didn't know what to do when someone cried, but his concern and loving prote ction led him to follow her up the stairs. I heard Bella lock her bedroom door a nd start digging for things to pack, and I jumped into her window to help her. C harlie was pounding on the door. "Bella, are you okay? What's going on?" Fear sw irled through his mind as he called to her. "I'm going home," she shouted, her v oice breaking from the chocking sobs. "Did he hurt you?" Charlie yelled, livid a t the images in his mind of how I might take advantage of her. "No!" Bella shrie ked quickly, and I dug clothes out of her dresser, tossing them to her while she filled a duffle bag. "Did he break up with you?" "No!" she yelled breathlessly as she jammed the last of her clothes into the bag. "What happened, Bella?" Char lie pounded on the door again, his mind swirling with confusion. "I broke up wit h him!" She shouted, while jamming the zipper on the bag. I pushed her hands out of the way to zip it for her, and carefully put the strap over her arm. "I'll b e in the truck - go!" I whispered, pushing her toward the door. I jumped out of the window while she was unlocking her door. Racing to her truck I got in to wai t for her. He's almost here, one minute. Alice warned, he's going to follow us. "What happened?" Charlie yelled, following her down the stairs. "I thought you l iked him." He caught her elbow when they were in the kitchen and spun her around to look at him. She's got to do better than that. Alice thought envisioning Cha rlie keeping her at home by force. Through Charlie's mind, I watched Bella's fac e as she glared at him, fresh tears flooding down her face. "I do like him - tha t's the problem. I can't do this anymore! I can't put down any more roots here! I don't want to end up trapped in this stupid, boring town like Mom! I'm not goi ng to make the same dumb mistake she did. I hate it - I can't stay here another minute!"

Charlie was stunned. Hurt and shock jolted together as he released her arm, but Bella had done it. I knew Charlie would let her leave, and Alice confirmed this. He watched her stomp toward the door and weakly whispered, "Bells, you can't le ave now. It's nighttime." A lonely sorrow filled his mind at the site of her wal king away. "I'll sleep in the truck if I get tired," she said angrily, without t urning toward him. Ahhhsuch a tantalizing smell. James was here. Through his mind I saw Bella's house and heard his conceited thoughts. This might be easier than I thought. I hope not, it would be a shame to drink her blood without some ente rtainment first. He saw me in her truck and I knew he wouldn't attack tonight, j ust as Alice predicted. No, he will just track us until someone makes a mistake. Charlie was trying to convince Bella to stay, but I couldn't pay attention to h is thoughts when our enemy was so close. James watched hungrily as the doorknob turned. "Just let me go, Charlie," she said, and opened the door. "It didn't wor k out, okay? I really, really hate Forks!" She ran wildly across the yard to her truck and even though I knew James wouldn't attack, it was all I could do to ke ep hidden inside her truck rather than running to her, protecting her in my arms . She threw her bag in the back and jumped into the drivers seat. "I'll call you tomorrow!" she yelled and turned the key that I'd already placed in the ignitio n. The truck roared to life and she gunned the engine, peeling out. As the house and Charlie, still blankly standing on the porch, disappeared, I reached for he r hand. "Pull over," I said. Hot tears were pouring down her face and I knew thi s was the worst thing that she'd had to do. "I can drive," she said through her tears, so brave. Reaching around her waist, I pushed her foot off the gas pedal and pulled her across my lap, gently pulling her hands free from the wheel. The truck didn't swerve as I took control of the vehicle. "You wouldn't be able to f ind the house," I said gently. Lights flared behind us as the jeep came closer. Bella's eyes grew wide and she turned to the back window. Her heart raced, thump ing rhythmically into my arm. "It's just Alice," I assured her, moving my arm so I could squeeze her hand. "The tracker?" "He heard the end of your performance, " I said grimly, listening to his sadistic thoughts as he chased us now. "Charli e?" Her voice was full of dread. "The tracker followed us. He's running behind u s now." With effort, I kept my voice as calm as I could to keep Bella from being more frightened. "Can we outrun him?"

"No," I said, but sped up slightly just the same. The engine of her decrepit tru ck groaned at the extra speed. Bella looked behind us again, staring out the bac k window, her heart racing, and her eyes wide with fear. I got your back, bro. E mmett thought gleefully as he jumped into the bed of Bella's truck. I should hav e warned her. A bloodcurdling scream ripped from her throat and I instantly clam ped my hand over her mouth. "It's Emmett!" She stopped screaming, but began to s hake everywhere. I moved my hand from her mouth and wrapped my arm around her wa ist, pulling her close to me. "It's okay, Bella. You're going to be safe." I put my own fears aside so that I could comfort her. She was the only one who matter ed now. As we raced through the quiet town I wondered what I could say to help h er relax, to calm down. Conversationally, I said, "I didn't realize you were sti ll so bored with small-town life. It seemed like you were adjusting fairly well - especially recently," I teased. "Maybe I was just flattering myself that I was making life more interesting for you." "I wasn't being nice," she said looking down, her face blushing with shame. "That was the same thing my mom said when sh e left him. You could say I was hitting below the belt." "Don't worry. He'll for give you." I smiled slightly, knowing that was true, but also knowing that he wo uldn't forgive me. Not that I deserved his forgiveness. I told him I would take care of her, and look what happened. She just stared at me, her eyes suddenly fu ll of horrified panic. "Bella, it's going to be all right." I couldn't bare to s ee her so frightened. "But it won't be all right when I'm not with you," she whi spered. "We'll be together again in a few days," I said, pulling her closer to m e. "Don't forget that this was your idea." "It was the best idea - of course it was mine," she shrugged. I smiled at her confidence, but immediately felt the em ptiness that was inevitable when she was not near me. I hated to think of her be ing afraid, of how I couldn't be there to make her feel safe and protected. Alic e would protect her, and Jasper it wouldn't be as painful for her to be away from me, but I had to finish this. I had to get to James before he could hurt her. T his was the best way to protect her. "Why did this happen?" she asked, her voice catching. "Why me?" I stared at the road ahead, preparing myself, yet again, to admit what a danger I was to her. A selfish demon that only brought her trouble . "It's my fault - I was a fool to expose you like that." I had never been so an gry at myself than at this moment. "That's not what I meant," she insisted, alwa ys so ready to brush away the truth about my failings. "I was there, big deal. I t didn't bother the other two. Why did this James decide to kill me? There's peo ple all over the place, why me?" I hesitated, not sure how much to reveal to her . I didn't want to frighten her more, but she needed to know the truth. "I got a good look at his mind tonight," I said quietly. "I'm not sure if there's anythi ng I could have done to avoid this, once he saw you. It is partially your fault, " I said, teasing her slightly. "If you didn't smell so appallingly luscious, he might not have bothered. But when I

defended youwell, that made it a lot worse. He's not used to being thwarted, no m atter how insignificant the object. He thinks of himself as a hunter and nothing else. His existence is consumed with tracking, and a challenge is all he asks o f life. Suddenly we've presented him with a beautiful challenge - a large clan o f strong fighters all bent on protecting the one vulnerable element." I couldn't think of what went through his mind without feeling disgusted. "You wouldn't be lieve how euphoric he is now. It's his favorite game, and we've just made it his most exciting game ever." I paused thinking of that moment in the clearing agai n and hearing his exhilarated thoughts as he raced behind us. "But if I had stoo d by, he would have killed you right then." It was all so hopelessly frustrating . I kept thinking back to what I could have done. Running with her when I first knew they were coming? Not taken her to watch us play? I thought back even furth er to the other decisions I made, excuses I'd made to watch over her ultimately bringing her into my life. Each decision was such a tangled web of possibilities . If I hadn't stayed and watched over her, other things would have hurt her. I f elt like the edge of this blade that I was balancing on was being shifted from s ide to side by a cruel fate, trying to throw me completely off. "I thought I didn 't smell the same to the others as I do to you," she said hesitantly. "You don't. But that doesn't mean that you aren't still a temptation to every one of them. If you had appealed to the tracker - or any of them - the same way you appeal to me, it would have meant a fight right there." She shuddered, and for once I was not glad for a "normal" reaction from her. I never wanted to put her in this po sition. "I don't think I have any choice but to kill him now," I muttered more t o myself than to her. Emmett heard me though as he stood in the back of her truc k. Actually, we'll have to kill him. He emphasized in his mind. Life is more exc iting now that a human knows about us. You should've invited her over sooner. No thing could dampen Emmett's enthusiasm for any challenge thrown at him, but I co uldn't share his excitement. "Carlisle won't like it," I said, and his excitemen t wavered briefly. We drove over the bridge, drawing nearer to the house. "How c an you kill a vampire?" Bella asked suddenly. I glanced at her curious eyes. She always did have a question and I had hoped that this conversation would never b e necessary, but now I had to tell her. "The only way to be sure is to tear him to shreds, and then burn the pieces." My voice sounded harsh as my anger grew ag ain. "And the other two will fight with him?" "The woman will. I'm not sure abou t Laurent. They don't have a very strong bond - he's only with them for convenie nce. He was embarrassed by James in the meadow" "But James and the woman - they'l l try to kill you?" "Bella, don't you dare waste time worrying about me." I coul dn't bare the thought of her needlessly worrying about me when this was all my f ault to begin with. "Your only concern is keeping yourself safe and - please, pl ease - trying not to be reckless." I begged, afraid of anything and everything t hat she could be hurt with so far away from me. "Is he still following?" She ask ed quietly.

"Yes. He won't attack the house, though. Not tonight." Assured by the visions th at Alice was flipping through of our immediate future, I still couldn't feel con fident when I knew I would have to leave her side. We drove right up to the fron t of the house and before I'd fully stopped, Emmett was running along next to us , opening Bella's door. I've got her, Edward. He hugged Bella like a foot ball, her duffle bag over his shoulder, and ran her into the house. Alice and I were r ight behind him. When we burst into the room, the other's realized that Laurent was with our family. Emmett growled at him as he set Bella down next to me. "He' s tracking us," I said glaring at Laurent as if somehow this was his fault. "I w as afraid of that," Laurent said, unhappily wishing we could have met peaceably. Alice told Jasper the plan to take Bella away and they raced upstairs to get th eir things. Rosalie watched them, realizing what was about to happen and walked to Emmett's side. Of course everyone will endanger themselves to protect her, es pecially Emmett. He wouldn't let Edward do this alone. She was worried about our family but only in how we effect glared furiously at Bella. Stupid human, ruini ng everything that's important to me. You'll never be worth it. "What will he do ?" Carlisle asked Laurent "I'm sorry," he answered. "I was afraid, when your boy there defended her, that it would set him off." "Can you stop him?" Laurent sho ok his head. "Nothing stops James when he gets started." Nothing ever could. "We 'll stop him," Emmett promised confidently. "You can't bring him down." Laurent said, "I've never seen anything like him in my three hundred years. He's absolut ely lethal. That's why I joined his coven." The truth was beginning to come out. At Laurent's admittance, I got a better image in his mind of who he was. His lo yalties were weak and he would side with whoever was stronger. He would do whate ver was convenient at the time. Laurent was shaking his head. All this over one human girl. He glanced at Bella, and turned back to Carlisle. "Are you sure it's worth it?" The thin strand of control I'd been holding my anger back with, erup ted in a roar that filled the room. Laurent cringed away. Don't worry, Edward. C arlisle looked gravely at Laurent. "I'm afraid you're going to have to make a ch oice." Laurent understood his meaning, and looked at each o our faces, evaluatin g the determination he f saw, and the odds against us. Such an interesting life they lead. So civilized. So very different than what I've been used to. "I'm int rigued by the life you've created here. But I won't get in the middle of this. I bear none of you any enmity, but I won't go up against James. I think I will he ad north - to that clan in Denali." He hesitated, weighing his loyalties and won dering if he should warn us. "Don't underestimate James. He's got a brilliant mi nd and unparalleled senses. He's every bit as comfortable in the

human world as you seem to be, and he won't come at you head onI'm sorry for what 's been unleashed here. Truly sorry." He bowed his head and then looked quickly at Bella again. No, I don't understand, but perhaps I will, in time. "Go in peac e," Carlisle said formally. Laurent looked longingly around the room again, sorr y that he couldn't enjoy our hospitality more and hurried out the door. We all s ilently waited the half second until Laurent was out of hearing range. Carlisle was the first to break the silence. "How close?" "About three miles out past the river; he's circling around to meet up with the female." Bella gasped as Esme t ouched the keypad on the wall and the huge metal shutters closed over the glass wall. "What's the plan? "We'll lead him off, and then Jasper and Alice will run her south." "And then?" "As soon as Bella is clear," I said, hate seething throu gh my voice, "we hunt him." "I guess there's no other choice," Carlisle agreed, regretting that there was no other way. Turning to Rosalie, the closest to Bella 's size, I said, "Get her upstairs and trade clothes." You can't order me to do anything. "Why should I?" she hissed. "What is she to me? Except a menace - a da nger you've chosen to inflict on all of us." Emmett put his hand on her shoulder wanting to reason with her, but she shook it off. I'd hoped that she could put aside her own jealousy and self-centeredness, but she would never be reasoned wi th and I wouldn't try. I turned away from her as if she didn't exist, and at tha t moment she didn't. I looked the other way. "Esme?" "Of course," Esme murmured. I watched as Esme swung Bella into her arms and raced up the stairs. I quickly helped Emmett gather some supplies in the largest backpack that we had. It was p retty well stocked for emergencies and didn't take long, but we added a few extr a things that Carlisle had prepared. Though, at the time Alice had told him what would be needed none of us knew why or what for. This was one mysterious vision that I wish we'd never come to find out it's context. Alice and Jasper came dow n the stairs holding a couple small bags. "Alice," I said, already feeling that pain of separation that would happen too soon, "Bella doesn't know how to take c are of herself. You have to promise me that you will stay with her all the time. " She nodded. "And humans eat a lot more than we do."

She nodded again, and I smiled feebly at her. "I couldn't let her go with anyone else." I choked on the words. "Please take care of her for me?" She smiled assu redly, "I'll watch over her, Edward." Nothing will happen to her. It will be all right. Just do your part and take care of the tracker. Then she raced up the st airs as Esme and Bella came out of the room. She and Esme carried Bella swiftly down the stairs, one on each elbow. I was grateful to see Alice already starting to take care of Bella. Carlisle had already weighed the options of what each me mber of the family would do and as he handed out cell phones to each party, he b egan the instructions. "Esme and Rosalie will be taking your truck, Bella." Bell a nodded, glancing warily at Rosalie. While Bella was upstairs she couldn't have heard the conversation that Carlisle had with Rosalie, but Rose had complied qu ite well after he spoke with her. "Alice, Jasper - take the Mercedes. You'll nee d the dark tint in the south." They nodded, only determination in their synchron ized thoughts. "We're taking the Jeep," Carlisle said and turned to Alice. "Alic e, will they take the bait?" Alice closed her eyes and focused on the immediate future. It was perfectly clear as all of us were decided and determined in our c ourse of action. She and I both were confident when she opened her eyes, saying, "He'll track you. The woman will follow the truck. We should be able to leave a fter that." "Let's go." Carlisle motioned to Emmett and they headed toward the k itchen. This moment had come too soon. I was immediately at Bella's side and cau ght her up. Holding her more closely than I'd ever dared, I pressed her body aga inst mine, and lifted her face to my lips, kissing her fiercely. I quickly set h er down and could feel all the love I had for her, all the weeks of turmoil and suppressed passion, burning in my eyes as I stared into hers. As I forced myself to turn away from her, I felt all of that love and passion compressing into one lump deep in my chest, draining myself of feeling as I metaphorically tore myse lf in half to leave her side. I raced out to the jeep and jumped into the back s eat, next to the oversized backpack. Carlisle drove quickly away and I forced my self to only pay attention to the tracker. As soon as he had committed to follow ing us, I called Esme's phone. "He's following us," I whispered into the phone, "Keep Charlie safe for Bella." She acknowledged and quickly hung up. I listened for the female's mind as Esme and Rosalie drove away. Ah, and now the real game begins. Her thoughts were as horribly jubilant as James' were when she took off after them, violent, primal, yet strategic. Her only goal was to help James get to Bella. Quickly calling Alice's phone, I let her know that Victoria was follow ing the truck and it was time for them to take Bella away. We were still close e nough that I could read her mind as she decided to get the car, leaving Jasper a lone with Bella.

Suddenly, the lump in my chest swelled and felt like it was burning as we drove farther away. I had to see Bella one last time, and looked through Jasper's mind as he was watching Bella, taking in her emotions of guilt and feelings of unwor thiness. Tears were pouring down her face. "You're wrong you know," he said quie tly. "What?" she gasped, chocking on her tears. "I can feel what you're feeling now - and you are worth it." "I'm not. If anything happens to them, it will be f or nothing." Jasper felt the waves of self degradation emanating from Bella and smiled kindly at her, "Your wrong," he said again. He thought of me and how I'd changed and grown to love her. Then he thought of her bravery, and loyalty by ke eping our secret safe. I wondered at the strength of his control, we'd never lef t him alone with a human before, and yet, his control didn't waver. With a shock I realized the difference that I could never see before, and I felt a respect f or my brother that I hadn't before. I realized just how difficult I must have ma de his life, his thirst must have been so much harder to manage when he sensed, not only each family members struggle to control themselves, but, my own desire for Bella's blood. He'd carried the burdens of all of us especially mine. I knew then that Bella would be safe with them, and I forced myself to let go as we dro ve farther away. Concentrating only on the hunter's base mind, I let the murdero us anger take control of me. Impatience -22 Edward, is he close enough to hear us? Carlisle looked at me in t he rear-view mirror as he sped up. "No, he's dropping farther behind. It's getti ng harder to hear his mind, but he's committed to following us." He thinks she's with us. Emmett grinned at Carlisle, thinking of what he'd added to the back-pa ck. "That recording of the heart-beat was a good idea." "Alice is truly invaluab le to us, and adding some of Bella's clothes to the back-pack was a good choice, Emmett. I'm sure that helped to confuse the scent." Carlisle pointed out. I rol led my eyes, this was hardly the time to be complimenting each other on a job we ll done when the job wasn't finished. The anger that I felt toward the tracker a nd to myself only became frustrating as I thought of the many hours of driving w e had ahead of us before I'd be able to do anything. I bet he thinks that Bella is in the back-pack. "Emmett, he doesn't think that she's in the back-pack. He d idn't see us take it to the jeep, and if he did see it, he wouldn't have believe d she was in there." "What? Why not? She'd fit. She's only like, five four right ?" "Just because she's petite doesn't mean she'd fit in the back-pack." Why were we having this argument?

"Hey, that is the largest internal frame back-pack at Newton's. She'd totally fi t." "If he thinks she's with us," Carlisle said, ignoring our argument, "Then we should try to avoid the appearance that we want him to follow us." I nodded. "W e shouldn't take any ferry routes" - Not that they'd be running in the middle of the night - "And stick to going straight through the bigger cities, driving as if she really were with us." An external frame would be obvious, sure, but the i nternal would work. Emmett thought as he found some coins in the seat next to hi m and began to rattle them around in his fist. Emmett began thinking of a new wa ger and putting Bella in the back-pack as soon as all this was over to prove it to me. I groaned at his logic, and was too frustrated in every way to have patie nce with anyone at the moment. "You're not going to put her in the back-pack, Em mett." Even if it were possible I wouldn't let him try it. "I bet she could fold up enough to fit in there." "Not happening." He shrugged. "It was just a though t," he said, and then began to juggle the coins, gra sping each between his poin ter finger and thumb as he tossed the five coins alternately in a fountain patte rn. I had never felt so stressed, so up-tight as I was at this moment. Even unde r normal circumstances it was excruciating to be away from Bella, but to be away from her with a danger hanging over her head like this, was torture. I watched Emmett absentmindedly juggling. The clanking sound that the coins made as they a lternately hit his palm was getting on my nerves. I thought back to when I was d riving the jeep, not many hours ago, and Bella was beside me. I was so happy the n, so free of all this anxiety as if I were a younger more innocent version of m yself, and it had only barely lasted for two days. Two days! I'd only been able to keep Bella safe from my world for two measly days. "Hey, Edward, do you have any more quarters?" "No," I snapped, "and those weren't mine to begin with." Hmm maybe a button? I wish I hadn't worn a pullover. "Oh," Emmett said, leaning forwa rd. "Never mind, there's more on the floor." He added the four new coins to the others that he was still juggling in one hand. No, they weren't mine. With a pai nful stab to the lump in my chest, I realized that they must have been Bella's. Probably falling out of her coat pocket when she bounced up and down on the driv e to the clearing. So many reminders of her, of a happier time, brief though it was. I wanted her to have that happy time again, and that meant I needed to focu s. Bella must be safe. I listened for the trackers mind again, annoyed that it w as still so far away that I could barely hear the tone. He seemed committed to f ollowing us, certain that I was most likely to have her with me. As hard as it w as, I knew that it had been right to send Bella with Jasper and Alice. She was s afer away from me.

Carlisle was thinking through our route. Of traveling North and then driving alo ng the coast through Port Angeles. He had debated if taking the 101 South to Oly mpia was better than cutting across on the 104 to by-pass it, going directly to Tacoma. Traffic wasn't going to be an issue at this time of night, however, and going farther South through Olympia had won out. Taking the longer way meant tha t Alice, Jasper, and Bella would have more time to get to Phoenix undetected. Th e few hours that it took to drive North of Olympia was even more frustrating. Ev en though I wanted James to follow us as long as possible to give them that extr a time, I grew more impatient each passing minute to end this, to end him. What were we doing? Why didn't we take him out right away in the clearing when I knew he'd never give up tracking her? Hearing the tone of Carlisle's mind reminded m e; We had to give them a chance to change. If we'd fought in the clearing we'd h ave had to kill all three of them and it probably would have traumatized Bella t o see all that. No, it was better to draw him away from her and then finish this The tracker was too far behind us by now for me to catch many of his thoughts. Occasionally, I could barely get a glimpse into his mind, but it was too far awa y for me to hear what he was saying. Like a crowded hallway of voices, there wer e too many minds and too much distance between us to understand the words in his head. I occasionally could sense the tone of his thoughts, the euphoric feeling , and base intent that I'd tuned into in the clearing, but it was hardly helpful . Frustrating. The drive through Seattle wasn't a problem without the normal tra ffic we would have met during the day, but that was hardly comforting. I kept wo rrying that he wouldn't continue to follow us, that somehow we would lose him an d he'd find Bella. Even with all of our careful planning, it could happen. I cou ldn't hear him. How would we know if he turned around? When would we know it? I wanted to tear him apart. I wanted to let the anger filling my every thought be released on his vile form, but all we could do was sit and drive. There was too much room in my head. I couldn't pay attention to James because he was too far a way, and I couldn't do anything. My mind wandered to Bella and I had too much ro om to worry, to much unused space that I began to think of what she looked like when I last saw her. Her face flooded with tears. It was too painful, too excruc iating to be away from her. Even though I knew I could trust Jasper and Alice, I couldn't help the anxiety that came when I wasn't distracted. The sky began to lighten as we drove between the rainbow of tulip fields near Mount Vernon. It lo oked as if they were having some sort of festival. The signs and banners str ung here and there indicated as much. Never driving through here at this time of ye ar, I hadn't realized they held anything like this. The rows and rows of tulips blanketing the hills looked like brightly colored quilts stretching out on eithe r side of the road. I couldn't help but notice the beauty in the landscape and i mmediately wish that Bella could see it with me. In fact, anything that I saw, t he lights of the Space Needle as we drove through Seattle, the moss hanging down the cement walls along the free-way, and now the rows and rows of multicolored blooms. Each moment I wished that Bella could be beside me. I knew it was sick a nd twisted to want that when a tracker was behind us, intent on taking her life. I didn't want her with me so close to that danger, but waiting these hours, sit ting still, listening to Emmett juggle, was starting to take it's toll on me. I doubted that I would ever see anything beautiful alone and not have a desire to share the experience with her, but I didn't want her with me in these circumstan ces. She needed to stay safe, and I would make her safe again. Perhaps I could b ring her here another time? No, I shouldn't think of that right now. After putti ng her through this, she might decide that she doesn't want to spend more time w ith me. These last few hours had been torturous, painful, and mostly frustrating . I needed to think of something else.

Forcing myself to think about our strategy, I spoke to Carlisle, "With the light increasing, James will have to steal a car of some kind to be less conspicuous. " "Have you been able to hear any of his plans?" Carlisle asked. "No." I ground my teeth in frustration. Emmett turned to Carlisle. "How much farther till we ge t to set up the ambush?" I rolled my eyes at his childlike tone. "We need to lea d him into Canada, farther away from the cities. I don't want to be near a large population when we hunt him." "Yes, but what if he doesn't follow us that far?" I asked, frustrated again. "We should turn sooner." "We've already discussed th is, and I'm not going to do that, Edward. He would be too dangerous to any human s in that position, and we would be too conspicuous to hunt him properly." We'll need miles of unpopulated area for this to work the best, and Alice and Jasper need as much time as we can give them to get Bella away. "You worry too much, br o. Just because you can't read him" Emmett smirked as he turned away from me. Now you're getting a taste of how the rest of us feel. But it wasn't just that, I n eeded to do something, and the longer I was away from Bella the more consuming t his desire was. I couldn't seem to be still. An immortal with the capacity to si t or stand without moving for centuries, and my fingers were twitching. The minu tes, seconds, drug slowly by and I could barely stay in my seat. My limbs twitch ed involuntarily as I kept searching for the tracker's thoughts. I was going to be the only immortal with tick. Great, more fodder for Emmett's humor. When we w ere finally stopped at the Canadian border, I caught the sound of th trackers mi nd e again and was mildly reassured. At least he was still following us, for now . Carlisle and Emmett discussed how they were going to set up the ambush. Droppi ng me off first, then looping around, Carlisle would be next, and then Emmett. W e could come at him from all sides as he closed in on our position. Crossing the border of Washington and Canada didn't take long, and we continued North toward Williams Lake. I forced myself to concentrate only on the trackers mind. If he deviated from this course now we would need to know immediately if that happened . These last hours were the most excruciating to live through. Each thing that h e thought were just out of my reach and at each moment I was afraid that he woul d realize she wasn't with us and change course. It was early in the afternoon wh en we were traveling West away from Williams Lake. We had to slow down when the paved road turned to gravel. I ignored the beauty of the river and lakes that we drove along and past. Soon we would track the Tracker and I couldn't afford a l aps in concentration, not when we were so close. Being farther away from the hig h populations of the cities made hearing his mind slightly easier, but he was st ill far behind us. More untrusting than before, but this could still work. The r oad briefly turned from the gravel to paved again and we drove past a small airp ort. Then back to the gravel as we drove the incline into the mountains. A sign said Heckman Pass 1524 and we found a back road going north toward Tsitsutl Pk. Carlisle thought of the maps he'd memorized of Canada, remembering that the alti tude would be 2478 ft at that point and intended to drive as far as he could on this back road. The higher ground would work to our advantage. Is James still be hind us, Edward? Carlisle wondered, slowing down slightly as the bumps in the ro ad became too large to overcome quickly.

"Yes, he is behind us but he's growing more suspicious. More impatient." I shook my head, concentrating harder on his mind. "We aren't going to be able to lead him much farther." "This will be fine then." Carlisle nodded, determined. "Get r eady to jump out, Edward. If you hear any change in his thoughts, call us immedi ately and we'll meet back up. Otherwise, follow the plan." I put the back-pack o n and opened the door while the jeep flew over the ruts and bumps in the dirt ro ad. I jumped from the jeep into a nearby tree and waited. A few miles up the roa d Carlisle stopped the jeep and got out, while Emmett ran into the woods to the west. If the hunter came near us now he would fall right into our trap, and ther e would be no escape for him. The minutes ticked by as I waited, listening for h is mind. He was still there, but wasn't coming closer. Carlisle knew how impatie nt I was for this to end and kept repeating the plan in his mind to keep me in p osition. He'd followed us for this long, why wouldn't he keep coming? This was t he best place to wait. I hated waiting. Then I heard him. Still too far away for our trap, but I heard him speak. He was on the phone. "Keep looking," he said i mpatiently. "This isn't working, she's not with them." Then I saw for an instant through his mind as he turned around and ran back to the stolen car that he'd l eft on the side of the road. He drove off, heading East, and I couldn't see clea rly through his mind any more. I phoned Carlisle while I ran, "We've got to move . He's heading back the way we came. He knows she's not with us!" Carlisle ackno wledged and hung up. I dropped the now useless back-pack so that I could run fas ter. I was able to do something now instead of sit still and he was getting away . This was not happening. I sped up and was able to catch a few of his thoughts. airportpatiencehis thoughts were calculating, but I couldn't catch enough words f or it to make sense. predictablewhy should I? I was running East on the gravel road , Emmett had already jumped into the jeep while Carlisle drove behind me. I coul dn't tell how far back they were, but I wasn't going to slow down. I had to catc h up to him before he was out of reach. Trying to look through his mind, I began to get a clearer view as I drew closer to him. He was driving even faster as th e road changed from gravel to paved and he was looking at a small airport. A pla ne for higher was on the runway, three people who looked like tourists were gett ing into it. He got out of the car and jogged toward the plane. It was a de Havi lland DHC-2 Beaver, usually these were floatplanes, but this particular one had wheels and a turbine conversion. I heard a strangers mind driving toward me, and had to slow my speed to a human's pace. At least it was cloudy enough today so that the sun wouldn't stop me. Slowly running was maddening when he was only a f ew miles ahead of me. The van drove by just as Carlisle and Emmett caught up wit h me. I jumped into the jeep. "He's at the airport that we passed earlier, Carli sle," I said as Carlisle sped up. "Even if we caught up with him we wouldn't be able to kill him there," Carlisle noted, thinking of the probable witnesses.

When we drove up to the airport the plane was just taking off. The Trackers mind mocked us as he looked out the window. Carlisle rolled down his window and call ed to a man who appeared to be a mechanic. "Excuse me, the plane that just took off, where is it going?" "Oh, that's a touring plane. It'll be out for about two and a half hours going around Monarch mountain and the falls and North over the park," the man said as he scratched his five o -clock shadow. "And will the pla ne land here after the tour?" Carlisle asked him. "Oh, well, no. That particular one lands back at the airport near Burns lake." The man looked over his shoulde r and then looked back at Carlisle, putting his hand to his face like he was tel ling a secret. "That one was specially hired by a film crew." He winked and nodd ed. "They're going to shoot a movie around here and wanted to get the lay of the land." "I see, and the fastest way for us to reach Burns lake would be?" "Well, the fastest would be a plane, of course, but all ours are out." The man said thi s as if he worked on dozens of planes, but I could only picture four in his mind . "Driving there though, you'd need to head back East to Williams Lake and then head North on 97. Get on 16 at Prince George and you'll find Burns." "Thank you very much." Carlisle said and waved as we drove away. He was much better at acti ng like nothing was wrong than I could at the moment. More hours of driving lay ahead of us, and now we were the ones chasing James. This was getting more compl icated than it should have been. "Carlisle, he was on the phone just before he t urned back," I said trying to keep my voice calm. "We should call Esme and find out what Victoria's been doing." Carlisle nodded and flipped his phone open. He talked to Esme first and then Rosalie, getti g as n much information of what Vic toria was up to as he could. I listened closely so that when I was able to call Bella I would be able to reassure her about her father. James had said, "Keep lo oking." I remembered, grateful that Victoria was coming up empty. There wasn't a nything for her to find, of course. I could calm down right? We just needed to g et to James. End this quickly and be done. As we turned North again, night was c reeping over the sky. This had been the longest day of my life. If I thought I w as frustrated before when I could barely read him, I was a hundred times as frus trated now when I couldn't hear his mind at all. He could be anywhere and Bella wasn't with me. The anxiety felt so thick around me that I could almost feel it weighing me down. As we took the long drive to Burns Lake, the storm clouds gath ered and the wind began to blow. Rain pelted the roof of the jeep and lighting f lashed across the sky. I couldn't believe that we'd been on this "hunt" for almo st 24 hours. Ridiculous. I would need to call Bella, to hear her voice and make sure she was safe before I lost my mind. Then still several miles before we got to the airport, a road block stopped us. "What's going on, Edward?" Emmett asked . I groaned at the absurd bad luck. "Lighting hit some power lines and they're d own on the road." "How long will the wait be?" Carlisle asked, looking at me in the rear-view mirror. I listened to the hurried minds as they worked around the accident. "No one has been seriously injured," I assured him, "but a semi is blo cking the road." It must have stopped too quickly for the power-lines and was no w diagonal, blocking the road and adding to the amount of time it would take to get the traffic moving again.

"Great," Emmett said sarcastically. "We need to plan closer to home the next tim e someone wants to kill your girlfriend." "Next time?" "Well, if you're not goin g to change her into one of us it seems pretty likely." Emmett shrugged, "Not th at I mind the excitement," he added, grinning. This was so wrong in so many ways , and just sitting here was making me panicky. Had the plane already landed? Was he already gone? This plan had gone from bad to worse. I pinched the bridge of my nose and listened for the trackers mind to ease the madness that was creeping over me. There were so many frazzled minds between us and the small airport, bu t I ignored them reaching my mind out, sifting through all the trivial thoughts. Then, amazingly, I heard him. "Stay in Forks When I" He was on the phone again, an d I was able to catch a few broken sentences. "Make sure I'll be on a plane" I cou ldn't catch any more, but what I heard might be enough. "I just heard him, Carli sle. He's getting on another plane. I think he's headed back to Forks." "No prob lem then." Emmett grinned. "We'll just head back there and take him out in our o wn back yard." I groaned, thinking that the long ride back would probably be eve n more torturous than the drive North had been. "We need to call Alice," I said. "Maybe she's seen something. What he might be planning." "Before we turn back," Carlisle said, "should we go to the airport to see if we can find out where he' s going?" "We could, but if we keep following him like this, driving from air po rt to air port to catch a lead or a scent, we'll lose him for sure." Carlisle no dded and turned the jeep around to head back the way we'd come, then reached for his phone to call Alice. Relief washed through me as I realized that I would be able to hear Bella's voice in a few seconds. "Alice." "Carlisle." "I know it's late, but is Bella awake?" Carlisle knew how anxious I was to talk to her. "Yes, " I heard Alice say. Even though I was glad she was awake I was bothered that sh e must not be sleeping well. Everything she did effected her health, and I didn' t want her to worry. It wasn't good for her, and I was worrying enough for both of us. "James is on a plane, and from what Edward hear in his mind we think he m ight be heading back to Forks. Did you see anything to give us an idea of where he might be going?" "I just saw him. He was in a long room with mirrors everywhe re and a gold stripe went all along the mirrors around the room. The floor was w ooden and he was waiting there. Something was missing though - another decision hasn't been made yet. Then I saw him a gain in another room that was dark and he was running a VCR. That room was in another place. Whatever made him get on tha t plane it was leading him to those rooms." For some reason hearing Alice's descr iption

wasn't comforting at all. The room didn't sound familiar and we barely had an id ea of where he could be. I had to talk to Bella. "Carlisle?" He nodded. "Alice c an you put Bella on? Edward would like to speak to her." "Yes Bella?" I took the phone quickly. "Hello?" Bella breathed. "Bella." It was such a relief to hear he r voice. "Oh, Edward! I was so worried." Bella," I sighed, frustrated that she w asn't taking care of herself. "I told you not to worry about anything but yourse lf." "Where are you?" "We're outside of Vancouver." I said, observing the highwa y as we sped farther South. "Bella, I'm sorry - we lost him. He seems suspicious of us - he's careful to stay just far enough away that I can't hear what he's t hinking. But he's gone now - it looks like he got on a plane. We think he's head ing back to Forks to start over." "I know. Alice saw that he got away." "You don 't have to worry, though," I said quickly. "He won't find anything to lead him t o you. You just have to stay there and wait till we find him again." "I'll be fi ne. Is Esme with Charlie?" "Yes - the female has been in town. She went to the h ouse, but while Charlie was at work. She hasn't gone near him, so don't be afrai d. He's safe with Esme and Rosalie watching." "What is she doing?" Bella's voice still sounded worried. "Probably trying to pick up the trail. She's been all th rough the town during the night. Rosalie traced her through the airport, all the roads around town, the school she's digging, Bella, but there's nothing to find ." "And you're sure Charlie's safe?" "Yes, Esme won't let him out of her sight. And we'll be there soon. If the tracker gets anywhere near Forks, we'll have him ." "I miss you," she whispered. "I know, Bella. Believe me, I know." Hearing her pale voice made the lump in my chest ache. "It's like you've taken half of my s elf away with you." My better half. "Come and get it, then," her weak voice chal lenged. "Soon, as soon as I possibly can," I said reassuringly, but I was determ ined to fix this. "I will make you safe first."

"I love you," she said tenderly. "Could you believe that, despite everything I'v e put you through, I love you, too?" "Yes, I can actually." I would never unders tand how she could keep accepting me with what I keep putting her through, but I wasn't going to argue. I needed her too much. "I'll come for you soon." "I'll b e waiting," she said, and then I hung up. I hated long good-byes, they were more painful than short ones, and "soon" wouldn't come quickly enough. The hours dri ving South were one long blur of painful thoughts for me. Guilt, fear for Bella, guessing and second guessing each choice that we could make, and contingency pl ans filled my mind. When we got to Seattle, Rosalie called us and said that Vict oria had gotten away from her. She'd lost her trail when Victoria went into the Sound near Port Ludlow. As if I didn't have enough to worry me. Now Victoria and James were out of our sights. It was early in the morning though still dark, an d we were just South of Seattle when Alice called. "Carlisle, he's here, or soon will be." If my heart were beating it would have stopped at her words. Carlisle immediately took the next exit off the highway intent on getting to SeaTac airp ort. "What did you see Alice?" "I saw the same room as before. He was running th e TV and VCR again, but it was lighter. Later this morning I would guess, and Be lla recognized the picture that I drew. It was her mother's house." "We're comin g right away to take Bella somewhere safe. You and Jasper will need to re-locate nearer to her mother's house." Carlisle's mind was more stressed than I'd ever heard it. "We'll call you as soon as we board the first flight out of Seattle an d let you know when to meet us." If there was more to their conversation, I didn 't hear it. My mind was numb. More literally than usual, I was a dead man walkin g as we got to the airport and bought our tickets. Going through security and th e few hours we waited to board the plane felt longer than any other moment of my existence. As anxious as I always felt when I was away from her, adding a sadis tic hunter near her location was unbelievably easier for me to think of than the thought of how afraid Bella would be right now. "Edward," Emmett punched my sho ulder. Close your eyes. People are going to think you're dead just sitting there staring like that. I obeyed and closed my eyes, unable to give him any other re sponse, and tried to relax my muscles enough to appear asleep to anyone that loo ked at me. The hundreds of minds around me buzzed in my brain, a garble of words that I couldn't pay attention to now even if I wanted to listen. After a span o f time that felt much longer than it probably was, Emmett punched my shoulder ag ain. "Uh, wake up. They're ready to board."

I glanced at the clock on the wall, near the "Terminal B" sign, and read 5:30 am z. Had it only been three and a half hours? I heard Carlisle on the phone with A lice, but none of their conversation registered in my mind. Carlisle hung up and then stepped forward in the line and I got up to follow him, barely able to kee p up the human faade in my numbness. I was too still, too slow to look natural. M y mind was slowly torturing me. I had only brought us both misery. Was love supp osed to be so painful? I slumped into my assigned seat, not bothering to look ar ound and dropped my head into my hands. How many hours till I was near her again ? It didn't matter. Knowing how much time was left would not make living through these hours less painful. I would always love her, I knew this beyond any doubt . My entire being had been forever changed by her existence and I would always f eel this pain, this torture over her life, of her being hurt, of any separation I endured, but would Bella? Putting her through this torture was even more unend urable than living through it myself, but she wasn't a vampire and couldn't love me as much as I loved her. I could take comfort in that right? That she wasn't suffering as much as I was? I remembered what she'd said that night on the drive home from Port Angeles. "It doesn't matter what you are. It's too late." Then I spoke harshly and made her cry. I wish I hadn't made her cry, but she couldn't understand the kind of love I felt for her. The kind of love and constancy that my kind always felt. We didn't change, yet humans change all the time. I'd never seen the kind of love in the minds of any human that I did in vampires. None of my kind fell in love more than once and when we did meet our mates we would die rather than live without them. The stories that Jasper told of the wars in the South were proof of that. The killing would never end because someone would lose a mate and revenge was inevitable, the cycle would continue. There wasn't, coul dn't be a happily ever after for our love story. No matter what I did, I hurt he r. In some way I would hurt her. Was picking the lesser of two evils a sin? Coul d it be considered good to choose a wrong thing just because it wasn't as wrong as something else? But wrong for who? Everything I did needed to be those choice s that would be best for Bella. If I loved her less I could be more selfish, but anything less than what was best for her was also unendurable. "Excuse me sir." The flight attendant said, breaking into my thoughts. "Would you like a drink? A pillow?" A blanket a shoulder to cry on her thoughts trailed off in a direction that I wasn't willing to pay attention to. I glared up at her. Oh, he looks so s ad. I saw myself through her mind, surprised at how sorry she suddenly was for m e, and realized how terrible I looked. No wonder Carlisle and Emmett kept eyeing me, afraid I'd fly apart at any moment. "No, thank you," I said to her, trying to make my voice sound more friendly. "Just let me know if you need anything." I wonder if it was his mother, or sister, some close relative or friend for sure. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back pretending to fall asleep and wondered vaguely what she meant. The hardest time for them is when they are traveling to a funeral. I felt my face twist up at the shock of her words and had to turn my face toward the window. It was true, it could happen too easily, too quickly. N o, I had to calm down. I wasn't going to a funeral, she was fine. She was with J asper and Alice. She would be safe, just afraid. I just needed to take her away from there. Somewhere James wouldn't think of looking for her. It was sick and w rong for me to be glad of an excuse to stay with her when I was the cause of thi s danger, but I could endure anything if I could only be near her. I wanted to c omfort her, to hold her in my arms and know that she was safe. Safe from anythin g that could ever hurt her. The irony of Bella being truly safe in that position was not lost of me. I was still more of a danger to her than any other. Ours wa s the most excruciating of love stories. No fictional story, no matter how outla ndish, could ever come close to expressing the depth of my

love for her combined with the fear and turmoil that I felt at the thought of se eing her hurt and especially of being the one to hurt her. I remembered the pier cing scream that involuntarily tore through Bella's throat when I was driving he r truck, when Emmett jumped in the back and she'd thought it was James. That scr eam, so often I had expected and even wished to hear her scream and run away fro m me, yet actually hearing her scream in fear was more terrifying to me than alm ost anything else. I imagined her terror and that scream rang in my mind. I coul dn't stand the thought of her being afraid. We will be there soon. I kept tellin g myself. She'll be fine, just afraid and worried. I pictured how we would be ge tting off the plane, going through the airport, and finally I would see her on t he other side of security waiting for me. I would go to her and she would melt i nto my arms and we would both be whole again. Soon. I told myself. I needed to b e calm when I saw her again. My morose thoughts wouldn't help Bella when I was n ear her again. I began to listen to the trivial thoughts around me just as a dis traction. Realizing then that we were beginning the descent, I shuffled through the minds around me and below me, searching for Alice or Jasper. Where did I put that? Wow, 15 minutes early. That's a first. I wonder if the dog is all right. Was that gate 18? They don't even give out peanuts anymore! My I.D.? Where's a b athroom when you want one? Italian sounds good right about now Oh, we're finally here I kept searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack as I listened to ea ch of the hundreds of buzzing thoughts swarming in my mind. We landed and the pl ane was taxiing around the run -way as I kept searching. So many mundane thought s, I wasn't sure if my previous occupation had been better for my sanity than th is. At least it was keeping me from depressing myself more. I would see her soon and everything would be fine. Toothpaste baby formula Yuck, where is that burp ra g? I'm never going to wear a shirt with metal snaps again These are so expensive, but she'd really like it He has my mom I'd found Jasper. He was reading something . A note from Bella. Don't be angry with Alice and Jasper. If I get away from th em it will be a miracle. As Jasper read the note I began to feel the horror in h is mind. And please, please don't come after him. That's what he wants, I think. I can't bear it if anyone has to be hurt because of me, especially you. Please, this is the only thing I can ask you now. For me. I love you. Forgive me. Bella .

Barely able to control my voice, I turned to Carlisle across the isle from me an d said, "She's gone to find him." Hide-and-Seek - 23 What? She's not here? She w ent to find James? Carlisle was almost as shocked as Emmett. I nodded, unable to say more. Why would she do that? How did she know where to go? Their questions s wirled around my mind as my own did, but the "whys" didn't matter; all I could t hink about was how to find her. What could I do? "Please keep your seatbelt on u ntil the plane has come to a complete stop," the bored voice came over the speak ers. Suddenly, I felt like ripping the side of the plane off. I could leave the seatbelt on if they wanted, but it wouldn't be staying in the plane or attached to the seat. Whoa, Edward, calm down. Emmett was looking at me, and I saw my own crazed-looking face through his mind. It's all right-they'll know where she's g one and we'll find them. My fists were shaking as I tried to control myself. Yes , we'll find them, but in what condition? Edward, Carlisle looked pointedly at m e, find Alice and Jasper again and concentrate. We need to know as much as possi ble so we can act immediately. I made myself concentrate and found Alice easily. No, no! I should have been more careful. "Has the plane landed yet?" Alice aske d Jasper. I wondered why she didn't know. Alice was never taken by surprise. "I think so." They couldn't see any of the planes from where they were outside of s ecurity, but Jasper was looking at the reader board of the flights. Our flight h ad come early - at 9:30 a.m. It's my fault. I should have stayed with her. How c ould she do this? Alice's thoughts were in turmoil and she kept chanting one thi ng The future can change the future can change but she didn't believe it. Then I s aw the vision that she'd been trying to hold back, that kept repeating itself in her mind and had kept her from knowing if we'd arrived yet: The room that she'd described befo long re, rectangular, with floor length mirrors paneling the wal ls all around the room. The gold stripe, a metal bar followed the length of the mirrors, and against the left wall, crumpled on the floor was Bella. Shattered g lass was scattered under and over her from the broken mirror that she was presse d against. Her blood stained the shards of glass and the wooden floor. Her leg w as bent at an odd angle, and her hair was matted with blood, tangled over the gl ass. Her arm was flopped over her face, dried blood striped her arm, and she was perfectly still. "We have to hurry," I said through my teeth. The future would change.

Emmett and Carlisle nodded. As soon as the plane fully stopped, we were out of o ur seats and to the exit before the other passengers had time to stretch. Well, someone's in a hurry. "Thank you for flying" an attendant started to say as we hu rried past but stopped speaking when she saw my determined expression. "This way ." I motioned to Carlisle and Emmett. We wove our way through the crowds. Most p eople stepped quickly out of Emmett's way, thinking he looked like a bulldog int ent on terrorism. I listened for Jasper's mind again. He felt us coming and just as we were drawing closer a security guard watched our expressions and saw that we ha no luggage and became suspicious. He didn't d come toward us, however, an d I led Carlisle and Emmett farther to the right through a group of white-capped tourists. Alice's eyes were frantic, even with Jasper trying to calm her down. Jasper and Alice both were apologizing in their minds, blaming themselves, but t here was no time. I couldn't feel angry-I couldn't feel anything yet except the need to hurry. We would get there in time. She would not die because of me. We h urried up to them, and Alice started to say, "Edward, I'm sorry" she choked on th e words. "There's no time," I said. "Do you know the address?" Fifty-eighth stre et and Cactus. They remembered in unison. "Let's go." The five of us hurried as quickly as we dared to the glass exit doors. "Where did you park?" "In the garag e," Jasper said. Not fast enough! "Carlisle, Alice? Get the car and meet us ther e." I ordered, frustrated at the sunlight forcing us to stay in the shadow under the walkway. "Jasper?" I raised an eyebrow, and he intuitively knew what I was thinking as I nodded toward the only car near us in the shade that we stood in. A man and woman stepped from the car, leaving it running. She was just dropping him off because she was late for a meeting. He opened the trunk, pulled out his lugga ge, and then closed the trunk. She turned to him ready to give him a quick kiss good bye. Such a silly ritual, I need to hurry, but he'd be angry if I did n't kiss him goodbye. Immediately, Jasper created waves of affection and passion that wrapped around t hem as they kissed. Their thoughts were no longer coheren t as the peck turned into a very distracted French kiss. Taking advantage of the moment, we quickly got into their car and stole away. What a way to go. Emmett thought from the back seat. I bet the guy won't even mind that we took his car. Not that he'll notice for another five minutes at least. Emmett chuckled quietly . I drove quickly through the airport, easily avoiding pedestrians as I carefull y listened to the minds of everyone we passed. Alice and Carlisle were behind a few cars in the line waiting to pay and exit the garage. I saw the vision in Ali ce's mind again. Nothing had changed. We needed to move faster. Any advantage th at I could take while we drove could be that one extra second that mean t saving her life or being too late. "Jasper, look at a map for me and pick the fastest route," I directed. He easily found a map in the glove compartment and scanned i t.

I saw the first turn that we should take in his mind and tore through the inters ection, barely turning left before the light turned red. I memorized the route t hrough Jasper's mind and quickly wove between cars, their horns blaring only whe n we were blocks ahead. Why did she do this? How could she think that offering h erself to James would help anyone? Her note had said that she couldn't bear it i f I got hurt, but she didn't- couldn't understand that it was impossible for me to let James live if he hurt her, and it was also impossible for me to continue existing if she was not alive. Sacrificing herself would mean nothing in the end . A wasted life. I couldn't endure that. I sped through a red light, dodging the cars coming toward us on either side and wondered if that one choice would be e nough to get me there in time to stop him. Alice and Carlisle were now a few mil es behind us, catching up slightly, as they also ignored all traffic rules. I sa w the vision in Alice's mind again, still no difference. "We're not moving fast enough," I said as despair washed over me I sped up even more, doggin g cars and bumping into others as I wove my way through traffic and farther ahead. Horns b lared far behind us like warning beacons in my mind, pushing me onward with thei r sound waves. I had never fully thought what I would do without her. If she cho se ano ther, I knew I would just continue to love her from a distance, but if sh e died now (or in old age,) I knew I could not continue to exist if she wasn't i n the world. I glanced at Jasper, his face was twisted in pain as he felt the de spair and fear that churned inside of me and knew that he wouldn't help me. Emme tt wouldn't agree to help me end my life either. The Volturi might be the only w ay. I could provoke them in some way and then they would have to kill me to abid e by the law. It could work. No, I wouldn't think of that now. Bella would be al l right. I couldn't let her die like this, all because of me. It was always my f ault. No matter what I did, I hurt her, but I could fix it if I could only get t here in time. The future could change. I've seen it happen. I would make it chan ge. I played bumper cars with anything too close to me and tried to hurry even m ore. Taking a chance on a short-cut that I'd memorized from the map, I drove on the wrong side of the multi-lane road for an instant. The tires squealed as I tu rned onto a side street. Alice was still a few miles behind us, close enough for me to read her, and suddenly I saw that the vision did change. Bella was still crumpled quiet and bloody on the shards of glass, but James was leaning over her . It was altering, I was getting closer and wracked my brain for any other short cut that I could take to save another second. One second meant her life or deat h. We were almost there, three more miles before the turn onto the residential s treet and th the en ballet studio. Ah, I hope she runs at least. I could hear hi m and see through his eyes that Bella wasn't dead. His view of her and thoughts were a sickening reminder of the rapist in Port Angeles that had wanted Bella to scream and run so he could chase her. James crouched down and leered at Bella's terrified expression. Waiting patiently for her to run. I felt sick as the ange r churned in the pit of my stomach. And she did run.

James rejoiced, leaping over her, and punched her sternum -he grinned, euphoric at the crunching sound. Bella flew backwards and crashed into the mirrored wall. Shattered particles rained down on top of her, and she crumpled to the ground, gasping. "NO!" I roared. Jasper jumped as the jolt of emotion vibrated through h im. "He's hurting her. We've got to move faster!" I bumped into the car ahead of me pushing it forward and squeezed the banged up stolen car through the traffic and up onto the sidewalk. "I thought this room would be visually dramatic for m y little film. That's why I picked this place to meet you. It's perfect, isn't i t?" He chuckled as he saw Bella pathetically crawling through the glass trying t o get to the door, and then he was leaning over her, stomping down on her leg. I roared deafeningly in the small space. A red tinge covered my vision. Jasper mo mentarily grabbed the steering wheel, knowing the state I was in, and dodged the mailbox that I could barely see. Bella screamed. A piercing shriek of fear and agony tearing from her throat. James grinned. Ah, it's so dramatic when they scr eam. "Would you like to rethink your last request?" He nudged her broken leg and was delighted to hear her scream again. "Wouldn't you rather have Edward try to find me?" "No!" she gasped, her voice shaking. "No, Edward, don't-" He back-han ded her mouth, and her head slammed into the broken mirror. A growl tore from my throat, and I dodged a hydrant on the sidewalk, breaking down a picket fence as I skidded around the corner of 58th Street. James breathed in Bella's scent and watched the blood gushing from the back of her head-in a few minutes he wouldn' t be able to resist feeding. I spotted the ballet studio and slammed the gas ped dle to the floor. The car launched up the curb, skidding over the grass and walk way to the front door. "Hold your breath, she's bleeding!" I said and yanked on the emergency break, ripping the door from the car as I jumped out and ran insid e. James was leaning over her just as I saw in the vision, but he was too focuse d to realize quickly enough that I was behind him. I pulled him off of her. Pinn ing his arms behind his back, I handed him over to Jasper and Emmett. Both were growling at him, horrified at what he'd done to Bella. They took him out of the room to kill him, so that Bella's blood wouldn't tempt them. As much as I wanted to kill him myself, nothing else mattered at that moment except Bella. My only love was broken and bleeding at my feet, not making a sound, not even able to sc ream in pain. "Oh no, Bella, no!" I yelled, forgetting the anger as grief filled me. Her eyes were closed, and she didn't move. Was she breathing? I couldn't te ll, and I didn't know what to do. Emmett and Jasper were tearing James apart. Th e crunching and snapping sound of his limbs, his shrieks and growls, were no rel ief to me. I couldn't find the energy to relish his death or even care, because Bella was dying.

"Bella, please!" I fell to the floor beside her. "Bella, listen to me, please, p lease, Bella, please!" I begged her, on my knees, groveling beside her and tryin g to se if she was breathing - if she was e conscious at all. She didn't move, d idn't sigh, not even a groan escaped her lips. I was too late. Dry heaving sobs shook my throat. Suddenly, I heard Carlisle and Alice coming. Carlisle. "Carlisl e!" He could help her. She has to live! "Bella, Bella, no, oh please, no, no!" I rocked forward and back as the tearless sobs tore a hole through the lump in my chest; my greatest fear lay before me, rending my heart and mind into shreds. G asping, my voice shook as I called her again, "Bella!" I choked, but she couldn' t answer. She lay perfectly still. "She's lost some blood, but the head wound is n't deep." Carlisle spoke methodically as he examined her wounds, feeling along her head and arms for broken bones, "Watch out for her leg," he said as he looke d her over. "It's broken." Involuntarily, a fierce growl strangled my sobs and r age blurred my vision, but I would not leave her side to get at James. There was still a chance, Bella could be all right. Carlisle felt along her torso, and sh e winced. "Some ribs, too, I think." She will live Edward. Her injuries are exte nsive, but not life-threatening. I saw her move! She is going to be all right. S he has to be. "Edward," Bella said, sounding as if she were coming out of a deep sleep. "Bella, you're going to be fine. Can you hear me, Bella?" Her eyes still weren't open. "I love you." I choked on the words. How could she ever believe t hat was true after this? "Edward," she said again, sounding more awake. "Yes, I' m here." "It hurts," she whimpered, her lower lip shook, breaking my heart again as I felt helpless to ease her pain. "I know, Bella, I know." I turned to Carli sle, the anguish of my face reflected in his eyes. "Can't you do anything?" "My bag, please Hold your breath, Alice, it will help." "Alice?" Bella groaned. "She' s here-she knew where to find you." I had no idea how I could thank Alice for he r knowledge if we'd been two seconds later I couldn't think of it. She would be o kay. "My hand hurts," her lips shook in a whimper again, and she closed her eyes even tighter. Carlisle injected her with morphine. The pain will go away in a m inute, Edward. She will live. "I know, Bella. Carlisle will give you something it will stop."

Suddenly Bella's eyes flew open, terror filling them, and she screamed, "My hand is burning!" "Bella?" I asked in alarm. What is wrong now? Why isn't the morphi ne working? "The fire!" She shrieked, her head whipping from side to side. "Some one stop the fire!" "Carlisle!" I panicked, looking at her hand as her fingers g rasped the air, clawing at nothing. "Her hand!" Carlisle saw the crescent-shaped bite on her hand and gasped. "He bit her." His calm methodical attitude disappe ared as he became appalled at the realization. Alice envisioned Bella writhing a nd shrieking in pain for too many days, and then of me infecting Bella even more so that my venom would change her more quickly. I was horrified of either possi bility. Poison her more, or let her burn longer. Was that the only choice? "Edwa rd, you have to do it." Alice brushed the tears that now streamed from Bella's e yes. "No!" I bellowed. There had to be another choice. I couldn't bear to poison her or the thought of taking her soul away, yet if I didn't I was still respons ible. Everything that James did to her was all because of me. My mind was in ang uish. I could so easily kill her and finish what he started. "Alice?" Bella moan ed, her voice rough with the burning pain. "There may be a chance," Carlisle sai d as he pulled mirror shards from the wound in her scalp. "What?" I begged, desp erate for something, anything that would ease her pain. "See if you can suck the venom back out. The wound is fairly clean." I was momentarily frozen- I couldn' t do that. I was already worried that if I tasted her blood by infecting her mor e I'd kill her, but to actually drink some of it. How could I stop? "Will that wo rk?" Alice asked, her visions of Bella fluctuating with every possibility of Bel la's life, death, change, pain, agony. I couldn't watch the visions anymore. "I don't know," Carlisle said and then looked at me. "But we have to hurry." "Carli sle, I." I choked on the words as I imagined killing her myself. "I don't know if I can do that." It was more agonizing than seeing all that James did to her, le aving her broken, crushed everywhere-it was more painful to realize that I could finish the job that he started. "It's your decision, Edward, either way. I can' t help you. I have to get this bleeding stopped here if you're going to be takin g blood from her hand." He worked quickly on her wounds, getting all the shards away and then holding a compress to the open gashes. Watching Bella twist and wr ithe in the agony that only grew worse, I saw her broken leg move unnaturally as she arched her back and screamed, her eyes tightly shut again. I was a monster for not doing anything, but if I tried to drink the poison out and killed her my self, I would prove to be the demon that I'd always known was in me. How could I endure that torture? Suddenly, she shrieked, "Edward!" her voice tore at the th reads of my argument, ripping my indecision in two. I had to decide now, but how could I? Her eyes flew open, and the deep pools of brown, searched for my face. She stared at me, agony burning in the depths of her eyes, and I was looking in to her soul. Every guard that she'd held up, hiding her feelings from me were su ddenly gone, leaving only herself and the truth of who she was shining from her eyes, boring into my own.

And they were full of torture. "Alice, get me something to brace her leg!" Carli sle was trying to hold her head still to stop the bleeding, but he didn't want t o hurt her further as she involuntarily jerked back and forth. "Edward, you must do it now, or it will be too late." Even through her screams and twitching, Bel la's eyes never left my own, and I knew I couldn't let her change like this; I c ouldn't let my own weakness rule my life. The depth of her brown eyes would not be lost forever in the unreadable hellish red of our eternal death. I have to tr y. Locking my jaw, I held my breath and swallowed the venom in my mouth till it was perfectly dry. I took her hand firmly in my own and pressed my lips over the wound, keeping my teeth away from her skin, I pulled the warm, tainted blood fr om her hand. She writhed and screamed even more as I drank in her blood. The ven om hardly made her blood less than perfect. It was more desirable than I'd imagi ned, filling every fiber of my being as if the melody in the orchestration of my existence had been missing. Low harmonies, high descants, and the rhythms of th e symphony that made me who I was had never before realized that the one thing, the core to my existence, the melody of this orchestral music, had been missing. Bella's blood, her life force, the essence of her immortal soul filled me. It s wirled around my tongue and felt as if it could knit a soul inside my hollow che st. No other ecstasy could compare with this. No heaven could be as wondrous. I had never experienced anything that made me feel so perfectly complete, so close to the eternal life that was forever barred for me in my eternal damnation. Ete rnal life-that's what I was tasting. That's what I was robbing from Bella. My on ly love held the eternal life that I was experiencing (stealing from her) but I couldn't stop. I could still taste the venom and had to get it all out of her. S he began to relax, growing quiet as I drew the poison from her veins. Then, surp risingly, unbearably sweeter than the already perfect taste of her blood, the ve nom was completely gone, and for one brief instant, the taste of her perfection reached impossibly above what it had a moment ago. It was, for that moment, expe riencing infinity, pure beauty, the essence of light, and all things good rolled into a single drop of her pure bloodAnd I pulled back, forcing myself to walk a way from heaven and back into the flames of hell, just as I began to taste the m orphine in her blood. She would live; she would stay human. "Edward," she said m ore quietly than a whisper. I couldn't answer her yet, my jaw was clamped shut t o keep myself from drinking more, and Alice answered for me. "He's right here, B ella." "Stay, Edward, stay with me" "I will," I forced myself to say through the strain of resisting the frenzy that threatened to break my control and the pure joy that I felt at her words. She wanted me to stay with her, she still was choo sing me, even after all she'd been through. The torture from James was all my fa ult, and even after I almost killed her myself, she still wanted me with her. Th e purity and perfection of her blood was not a random chance, it was the essence of her unselfish and loving soul. I could never deserve such an angel, yet she wanted me.

Bella sighed and her beautiful brown eyes, peaceful and sleepy now, gently close d. Her face was relaxed as a smile turned the corners of her lips. "Is it all ou t?" Carlisle asked. "Her blood tastes clean," I said quietly, no longer needing to keep my jaw locked. "I can taste the morphine." I still held her hand in my o wn, unable to let go of her. "Bella?" Carlisle asked. Her eyes fluttered. "Mmmmm ?" "Is the fire gone?" "Yes," she sighed again. "Thank you, Edward." "I love you ," I said, knowing that was the one and only reason I was able to save her. "I k now," she mumbled. She finally realized how much I loved her-there was too much irony in my life for me to process right now. I chuckled quietly, too relieved f or any other reaction. "Bella?" Carlisle said again. She frowned adorably. "What ?" she asked sleepily. "Where is your mother?" "In Florida," she said, "He trick ed me, Edward. He watched our videos." Her anger so often endearing to me, only made me sad, watching her in this pitiful state. "Alice." Her eyes rolled as she fought her heavy lids. "Alice, the video - he knew you, Alice, he knew where yo u came from." Alice looked around the room and saw the video camera. As her eyes narrowed, her mind filled with curiosity and wary surprise. "I smell gasoline." Bella's head lolled to one side as she coughed slightly. "It's time to move her ," Carlisle said. We need to get her to fresh air. "No, I want to sleep," she co mplained, the pucker appearing between her closed eyes. "You can sleep, sweethea rt. I'll carry you," I soothed and gently picked her up, cradling her into my ch est. I was aware of each broken rib and the bandage Carlisle had wrapped around her head, her splint leg, and held her with the same care that I would use to ca ress a soap bubble. Each of her wounds tore pieces of my mind apart, but she wou ld be all right. She would heal. The relief that I felt as I thought the words o ver and over again was indescribable I leaned down putting my lips close to her ear and whispered, "Sleep now, Bella," and began to sing her lullaby as she rela xed completely into my arms. Introspections - 24 We only have a few minutes to l eave before someone is going to see the smoke and call the fire department. Alic e thought and then turned to Jasper, "In one minute, the clouds will be over the sun for almost an hour before coming back out. You and Emmett should get to the airport and fly back as soon as you can get a flight out of here."

Jasper nodded to her as he finished sprinkling the gasoline around the room gett ing ready to set it on fire. Alice was cradling the video camera in her arms, wo ndering when she should watch it and what other things we needed to do to hide o r fabricate evidence. "Not yet, Alice, but soon," I said quietly, carrying Bella outside. Alice nodded and then followed us outside as she now saw a vision of h ow I would be wa tching the recording with her. Fortunately, there was enough sh ade from the trees and privacy from the shrubbery to block us from the view of a ny neighbors. "Did you have to rip the door off, Edward?" Emmett asked, and chuc kled as he put the door back on the car, pinching the metal hinges as best as he could to re-attach it. He easily made it look like whoever drove it just ran in to something rather than ripping it off from the inside out. "Yes," I said looki ng down at Bella's peaceful sleeping face, "Yes, I did actually." Jasper had alr eady siphoned all the gas from the stolen car and finished spreading it around t he ballet studio. The euphoria and relief that he sensed from all of us along wi th Emmett's excited satisfaction was a welcome relief for him, and he was enjoyi ng his job now. "I'm going to light the last of it," he said. "You'd better get going before someone calls the cops." Alice put her fingers to her temples and h eld still for a moment as she concentrated on the weather and when the fire depa rtment would show up. "After we drive away, light the last of it and leave aroun d the back. No one will see you there and you will have exactly" She paused a mom ent to concentrate. "You'll have 48 minutes with the sun behind the clouds to ge t to the airport." She looked up and smiled easily. "That should be plenty of ti me." We all knew that it wouldn't be a good idea for Emmett and Jasper to stay h ere as well. Three vampires around Bella and coming in and out of a hospital wer e enough of a problem. They nodded and waited for us to go to the car. Jasper bo unced Emmett's excitement back at him, and their eyes were gleaming with the tho ughts of torching a building. I was too relieved to feel the guilt or annoyance that I should right now. Knowing it would come soon enough, I actually let mysel f smile along with them. I listened to the minds nearest us to see if anyone was paying attention. A few older people were watching TV, but other than that, the re weren't many people even near us. I was very grateful that it was spring brea k; most of the nearby population was off enjoying their vacation. Fewer possible witnesses made this much easier. "No one will see us," I said. Carlisle got to the Mercedes first, and Alice sat beside him in the front. I held Bella carefull y across my lap in the back of the car. No ambulance ride could have been safer or more comfortable for her. As we drove, Alice and Carlisle discussed what hosp ital to go to and which had the closest hotel nearby. I barely listened to their plans as I simply stared at Bella's face. Quietly sleeping, she was finally in my arms again. So many hours of worry, the torture that I'd felt from the distan ce, and now I was holding her. I knew I didn't deserve the relief that I felt. I shouldn't feel this good right now, not after all I'd put her through, but I co uldn't help it. She was alive, soul intact, and she'd wanted me to stay.

Regardless of the future - or perhaps because of how things could change in the future - I let myself simply enjoy this moment. I stared at the curve of her nos e, perfect and delicate, the soft skin of her cheeks, too pale at the moment - b ut still beautiful. I stared at her resting eyelids that I had so often watched as she slept, wondering what she was dreaming or thinking about. I v ery gently traced her forehead with one fingertip, hardly touching her as I traced down her nose and around her lips. I had almost lost her almost lost my reason for existi ng. Nothing could be more painful than that, and nothing could match the joy tha t I felt now that I knew she would live. Smiling at the relief that this thought brought, I immediately felt guilty for feeling so good. It wasn't right for me to be happy when she was in pain. She shouldn't have been hurt to begin with, an d I knew it was all my fault. Just for this one moment, I would let myself rejoi ce. When Carlisle and I were at the hospital with Bella, Alice went to the unluc ky hotel that they'd chosen as the scene of the accident. It was only a few mile s from the hospital, which was a relief for me since I wasn't allowed in the roo m with Bella as they examined her injuries. I partly kept watch of Bella through the minds of the nurses, but I could also distract myself with Alice's gleeful thoughts. She had fun throwing herself down the two flights of stairs and out a window to fabricate the evidence for Bella's accident. Alice had even taken a ra g that she'd used to mop up the pool of blood on the floor of the ballet studio and rung out the blood onto the broken glass of the window and shards of glass o n the ground. I hadn't noticed at the time that she'd mopped up Bella's blood, b ut Alice would have foreseen the need of it. The evidence that Alice constructed would have fooled any detective, lawyer, jury, and judge. I felt a little sorry for the manager of the hotel who was about to experience a rise in blood pressu re when he considers the possibility of a lawsuit on his hands. After Alice was done creating the evidence, she went to change her torn clothing, and I stopped watching through her mind. Now there was nothing to distract me from the guilt t hat I felt as I saw Bella's injuries through the minds of the nurses. Poor thing can't imagine how anyone could be that clumsy These will leave a few good scars Ca rlisle had already explained to them how she had been hurt. Well, the cover stor y of how she was injured that is. Letting go of her so that they could take her away had been too painful for me. I couldn't have modulated my voice to relay th e story to them even if I'd wanted to. Ca rlisle had seen my expression and quic kly took charge. They welcomed his help and had easily brushed me aside. Bella w as on a stretcher waiting to be X-rayed now. I was grateful that they allowed Ca rlisle to stay with her since I wouldn't be allowed near her until she was X-ray ed, plastered, and they were done with the blood transfusion. The joy that I'd a llowed myself to feel at her being alive was quickly turning into guilt and tort ure over all the injuries and months of recovery that she would have to endure b ecause of me. I had worried about the bite mark that James left, but no one saw it for what it was, and it too was simply cleaned and wrapped in gauze like all her other wounds. Alice was just parking the car in the hospital's parking garag e when she called Renee and Charlie. Renee would be on the next flight here. It took Alice a while to calm her down enough to ease the

panic in her voice, and Charlie would probably never forgive me for being the ca use of Bella leaving him. The reason for her leaving Forks was different from wh at Charlie believed of course, but his assessment of who to blame was quite accu rate. I was oddly grateful that someone was angry at me beside myself. My family loved me too much to put the blame where it belonged. Anything that Charlie say s to me, when we get back, will be a well deserved penance. By the time Alice wa s sitting next to me in the hospital waiting room, I was beyond impatient. "It's a good thing she's asleep because they sure aren't being very careful," I whisp ere still annoyed d, from when I had noticed some of the nurses being much more rough with her than I thought necessary. They're probably just trying to hurry. They need to hurry anyway so that she can begin healing, right? "You'll get to b e with Bella soon," Alice said and showed me the vision of when I'd be near Bell a again, concentrating on the clock so I would know how much time I had to wait. It was still far too long, but I would be patient. Anyway, Alice thought, watch ing me carefully, I haven't watched the video yet. She was suddenly very concern ed. You don't have to see it if you don't want to you know. "No, I need to watch it, Alice." I shook my head, trying to smooth the anxiety and anger I felt twis ting my every expression. Perhaps this wouldn't be the best place to watch it? I nodded and followed her down the elevators and out to where she'd parked the ca r. We sat in the back seat as Alice held the camera. When she turned it on, the empty ballet studio was visible for a second on the tiny screen before Bella ran into the room. She looked around with panic and fear in her eyes as she listene d to the hysterical voice of her mother calling her name from the corner of the room. Bella whirled around and saw the TV. Her mother was tousling the hair of a younger Bella on the screen. "Bella, you scared me! Don't you ever do that to m e again!" And then the screen went blue. A moment later, James crossed in front of the video camera's view holding a remote and placed it next to the VCR. Bella was watching him cautiously, but the panic and fear were gone from her eyes. "S orry about that, Bella, but isn't it better that your mother didn't really have to be involved in all this?" His back was toward the camera now. "Yes," she said , relief flooding her features, and I suddenly knew why she'd done it. I already knew how she thought of her mom, so protectively and almost more of the parent than the daughter. It made sense that she would run to save her mother when I tr ied to see everything fro her point m of view. I couldn't blame her for that no matter how absurd it was. "You don't sound angry that I tricked you." "I'm not." The bravery that I could hear in Bella's voice didn't make sense to me. Didn't she care how I would feel if she died? "How odd. You really mean it. I will give your strange coven this much, you humans can be quite interesting. I guess I ca n see the draw of observing you. It's amazing - some of you seem to have no sens e of your own self-interest at all." "He's right about that at least," Alice sai d, annoyance filling her mind.

James crossed his arms casually, still with his back to the camera. "I suppose y ou're going to tell me that your boyfriend will avenge you?" The hopeful tone in his voice was so obvious that it wasn't an issue that I couldn't see his face o r read his mind. "No, I don't think so. At least, I asked him not to." "And what was his reply to that?" "I don't know. I left him a letter." "How romantic a las t letter," he said, sarcasm coloring the tone of his calm voice. "And do you thi nk he will honor it?" "I hope so." Bella had no idea how futile that hope would have been if I hadn't gotten to her in time. "Hmmm. Well, our hopes differ then. You see, this was all just a little too easy, too quick. To be quite honest, I' m disappointed. I expected a much greater challenge. And, after all, I only need ed a little luck." Bella waited quietly as he continued with his monologue. Her expression didn't change, and I couldn't read what she might be thinking as he e xplained his strategy, how he'd fooled all of us. I remembered how he'd followed us to Canada and the few things that I'd been able to catch in his mind. We had all thought that it wouldn't be a problem to fool him, to lead him away from Be lla, and now all of those plans seemed incredibly feeble and ludicrous. Listenin g to him explain his logic and how he'd gone to her house and watched all her ho me movies, of how he only needed that little bit of luck - Bella being close by - and how Victoria had monitored us as we got on the plane to Phoenix, all of it humbled me. It was painful in a way to be brought so low, yet it was still less pain than I deserved. I was so used to being confident, to being sure of what w as right or wrong and of the motives and plans of mankind, and even though I'd b een able to read his mind, I had made so many mistakes. Ever since I first met B ella, nothing had made sense in my life. It was as if all those years of my exis tence, growing wiser and acquiring knowledge, meant nothing as if I were really just seventeen years old. I realized all the mistakes that I'd made, not just in the last few days, but the entire time that I had known her. As James spoke of his plans, the thoughts of what we should have done and the things we could have done differentlyrang through my mind. If I'd paid more attention at the airport in Seattle if I'd known that Victoria was there, and we'd thrown her off our tra il. If we tried to take him out right away instead of driving up to Canada If I'd never let Bella out of my sight but, it did no good to think of what could have been. "Very easy, you know, not really up to my standards" James said, ending the explanation of his strategy and leaving me with a new sense of humility and revu lsion for myself. "Would you mind very much if I left a little letter of my own for your Edward?" The tracker stepped back, and Alice and I saw his hand move cl ose to the camera as he widened the angle. Bella's blank expression turned horri fied as she watched him adjust the camera. She looked at it for the first time. "I'm sorry, but I just don't think he'll be able to resist hunting me after he w atches this. And I wouldn't want him to miss anything. It was all for him, of co urse. You're simply a human" I growled involuntarily at his words coming from the harmless camera.

"Who unfortunately was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and indisputably ru nning with the wrong crowd, I might add." My mind had been so filled with my own thoughts that I hadn't noticed what Alice was thinking until now. "It wasn't yo ur fault, Alice," I said quietly, and she nodded, saying nothing. "Before we beg in" James said, stepping toward Bella. "I would just like to rub it in, just a li ttle bit. The answer was there all along, and I was so afraid Edward would see t hat and ruin my fun." Ah, another mistake that I had made and didn't even know a bout. "It happened once, oh, ages ago. The one and on time my prey escaped me. Y ou see, the ly vampire who was so stupidly fond of this little victim made the c hoice that your Edward was too weak to make. When the old one knew I was after h is little friend, he stole her from the asylum where he worked" Alice gasped. "and as soon as he freed her, he made her safe. She didn't even seem to notice the p ain, poor little creature. She'd been stuck in that black hole of a cell for so long. A hundred years earlier, and she would have been burned at the stake for h e visions. In the nineteen-twenties, it was the r asylum and the shock treatment s." Alice was too surprised at his words to have many coherent thoughts. "When s he opened her eyes, strong with her fresh youth, it was like she'd never seen th e sun before. The old vampire made her a strong new vampire, and there was no re ason for me to touch her then." James sighed, sounding regretful. "I destroyed t he old one in vengeance." "Careful, Alice," I said watching her hand squeeze the camera harder and leaving a smal dent on l its side. "I'm glad James is dead," she said, angry thoughts rolling around in her mind. "If he wasn't, I'd have to go after him myself." "So I guess her coven ought to be able to derive some comfo rt from this experience. I get you, but they get her. The one victim who escaped me, quite an honor, actually. And she did smell so delicious. I still regret th at I never got to taste she smelled even better than you do." Alice growled along with me this time. "Sorry - I don't mean to be offensive. You have a very nice smell. Floral, somehow" He stepped to Bella and lifted a strand of her hair, snif fing it, then patting it back in place, and stroking her neck. He traced her fac e with his thumb, and Bella didn't flinch or move at all. Now I wanted to crush the video camera as I watched him touch her. I wanted to crush him, and suddenly , I regretted that he wasn't alive any longer because I wanted to kill him with my own hands. "No," he said and dropped his hand. "I don't understand. Well, I s uppose we should get on with it. And then I can call your friends and tell them where to find you, and my little message." Alice turned the camera off. "Allow m e," I said taking the camera from her. I flattened it quickly and then ground th e metal between my hands before tossing the particles out of the car. We sat qui etly for a time. Alice wondered about her parents and the old vampire. Hurt and confused at what she'd heard, and angry at James for killing the only person who 'd cared about her when she was human. It was hard for Alice to think of the pas t. Her mind was always so taken up with the future that it was more painful in a way for her to learn about this.

I was angry too. Angry for what happened to Alice, of course, but I was mainly t hinking of this whole situation. Suddenly, I was angry with everyone. I was angr y at James especially for wanting to hurt her in the beginning, at Alice and Jas per for letting her out of their sight, even with Carlisle for keeping me from g oing to her as soon as I'd wanted to, and Bella for running toward the danger. Y et each person, whether I agreed with their choices or not, was only living out their own story. I couldn't stay mad at Alice and Jasper. Without Alice, we woul dn't have known where to find her, and how could I stay mad at Jasper when I'd f elt for myself how highly he regarded her? Could I continue to be mad at Bella? As crazy as she was, never having any regard for self preservation, ridiculously brave when she was so breakable, that reckless quality that she possessed had b rought her to the point where she could love me, care for me in spite of who I a m. What of James? Yes, I was angry with James and would always regret missing th e chance to kill him myself, but he was simply being who he was. The vampire ins tincts that all my family try so hard to get away from was what was odd - not hi m. He was living the life that I fought so hard to deny in myself, yet was I any better than him? How could I stay mad at Carlisle? The man who's vision brought us all to the concept of regarding human life as more precious than our own des ires. If it wasn't for Carlisle, Bella would have been dead long ago. I started to remember what would have come next on the recording. I didn't need to see it since I'd experienced it in his mind, and I couldn't help thinking about it now. The thing that kept ringing in my head was what Bella had yelled to him as he h urt her, right after he broke her leg. "No! No, Edward, don't" He'd hit her again before she could finish speaking, but her words rang again and again in my mind . It had been all my fault. She could have been shouting that to me, so that I w ouldn't hurt her anymore. It would have been just as true because I'd done it al l. My angerturned to self-revulsion. I could never get away from this. I couldn' t truly turn my anger outward or hold anyone else responsible for what I'd done to her. I would never be able to get away from the realization that anything tha t hurt her was all because of me. "We should start heading back," Alice said ble akly. "You will get to see Bella soon." Maybe I'll do some shopping Alice was sea rching for something to make herself feel better, and I wanted to help. "You kno w, Carlisle and I left too quickly to pack any suitable clothing. Would you mind getting us some things?" Shopping was Alice's favorite hobby because it was rea lly the only thing that she could do that was a surprise. The search was like a game to her, and finding that perfect item couldn't be foreseen. "That's a good idea." She smiled, still sad, but grateful for my understanding. "I'll get some flowers or something for Bella's room, too." We both got out of the backseat, an d she got into the driver's seat as I walked back to the elevators. I didn't con centrate on the many thoughts around me as I walk through the hallways ed to whe re I knew Carlisle would be. He had to show me to Bella's room because I couldn' t recognize her scent.

The transfusion fouling her heavenly aroma might have been one of the hardest th ings to handle when I finally saw her. I'd grown so accustomed to her scent that , in a way, it felt as if she didn't exist without it. I couldn't look away from her. Without being able to recognize her in that way, I felt like she would dis appear if I wasn't watching her. The heart monitor quietly and evenly beeped as I took in all the bruises that were beginning to form under her skin. The bruise s on her beautiful face, around her lips and the soft skin of her cheeks. I real ized that the bruises on her face must have happened when he'd hit her mout as h she yelled "No, Edward, don't" Her voice tore through my mind again as I looked at the bruises around her mouth. I was almost able to see the print from the bac k of his hand. I did that to her. I counted all the bruises that I could see. Wh en I got up to fifty-six, the small bruises that were just starting to color, be gan to spread, blending together as they darkened. Each one, every part of her t hat was hurt, was because of me. Fifty-six small bruises were visible on her exp osed skin, yet I knew she must have many more under the thin gown. I'd heard in Carlisle's mind that she had four broken ribs and a spiral break in her fibula. The break had been clean, leaving no bone fragments, but I knew that a spiral br eak meant that more force than usual had created it. How many more bruises were under the plaster on her leg? That was all because of me. The tubes all around h er hands and arms, the oxygen under her nose, the plaster up her broken leg - it was all because of me. I sat down in a chair next to her bed and dropped my fac e into my hands. No, coward, I told myself, don't look away from her. I lifted m y head and forced myself to look at Bella again. She was beautiful. Even barely alive and covered in injuries, she was like an angel to me. I almost belie ved I could see her face glowing. I didn't deserve to look at her beauty, yet I shoul dn't look away either because I knew that I deserved to see what I'd done to her . I wished that I could feel every hurt that she'd had to go through and would g o through when she awoke. I wished I could be where she was so that she wouldn't hurt at all. I wished that there was someone else who I could blame this on - b ecause the anger and pain that I felt in myself was nearly unbearable. Yet I des erve to feel it. There was really no one to be angry with but myself. What I'd c aused in her life by coveting her love and stealing her away from humanity into the supernatural. It had all been my fault. No one had as many near-death experi ences as she had, and I'd only known her f a few months. or It was madness to co ntinue like this. To continue to be in her life when every part of my world was such a danger to her - myself the most dangerous of all. The fact that I didn't kill her could never negate the very real possibility that I could. Every fear t hat I'd had, of seeing her hurt, broken.dying, were nothing compared to seeing it come true.

To hear her scream, "No Edward, don't!" as I couldn't help but remember over and over again in my infallible memory, was excruciating. Yet, all of that, seeing it happen and her screaming and then after I pulled James off of her, to see her laying broken and bleeding on the floor, not even able to cry out in pain - all of that was nothing, nothing to the fact that when I was drinking her blood, pu lling the venom from her system, I could have killed her right then. I almost di dn't stop. What if I hadn't? What if something like this happened again, and I w ouldn't be able to stop next time? I groaned. There never would be a next time. I couldn't let anything or anyone come close to hurting her ever again. Not even myself. Unconscious of the time elapsing, I just sat and watched her, wishing t hat I could torture myself instead of seeing her lying broken before me in this little room. It must have been much later that night, possibly after dark when C arlisle came into the room. I'd heard him now and again as he helped around the hospital. They were sho one doctor, and even rt if they hadn't been, they would have welcomed any help Carlisle could give. Seeing myself through his eyes, I kn ew I would need to clean up before Bella's mother came. The agony on my face and blood on my clothes would surely frighten her. "Alice wanted me to give you the se," he said and handed me the new clothes that Alice got on her shopping trip. I took them quietly and went into the little bathroom off of Bella's room to cha nge. Alice is talking to Renee right now, and they will be here soon. His mind w as filled with concern as he remembered the expression on my face when he first came into the room. I changed quickly and came back out, throwing my old clothes in the trash. "I'm a right," I said, ll trying to make my voice believable. "Th is wasn't your fault, Edward." "Wasn't it?" "Sometimes these things happen." I r aised my eyebrows at his words, but he continued. "You don't know what good can come from this, from your love for Bella." He put a hand on my shoulder and remi nded me as he always did, "Have faith, son." I nodded even through my doubts. I could never doubt that Carlisle was sure of what he believed and sincere in his advice to me, but I doubted that I would ever fully understand or agree with him . What good could come out of this? Just then, I heard Alice's mind as she came closer and opened the door. Renee was with her, and at first, she only saw Bella . Running to the side of the bed, her hands fluttered over Bella's body, a stron g desire in her mind to comfort her, but she didn't know what to do. Images of w hen Bella was a baby and bruising her knees came into her mind - and thoughts of when she would hold her and bandage her sores. All those motherly concerns floo ded he mind, r and she turned to Carlisle who she'd already met. "She will be al l right?" she asked, a pucker appearing between her eyebrows, the same expressio n that Bella always had when she was concerned. "She's not in a coma or anything ?" Her voice suddenly turned to the same panic that we'd heard on the video.

"No, they just have her heavily sedated so she can heal, and yes, of course she will be all right," Carlisle reassured her and smiled. "It could have happened t o anyone." "Well, I don't know about that." Renee laughed halfheartedly as scene s flickered through her mind of all the clumsy moments Bella had growing up and all the times when she'd taken her to the emergency room for some injury. As I w atched Renee from across the room and listened to her mind, I wasn't surprised t o find that I couldn't quite hear all the words in her thoughts. Just like Charl ie, there was something unique about her brain that had made Bella who she was, so silent to me, yet there was something more that I noticed. Renee's thoughts w ere so open, clear in an almost child-like way. Most people saw the world around them as if they were in a fog. They would see detail but not take it in. Not be ing able to distinguish between one person with dark hair from another person wi th dark ha for ir, instance, because they wouldn't look closely at all the other features and differences. Usually, most people were too caught up in what they would say next to notice what was being said around them. Renee seemed to see ev erything. Charlie's mind was like a great swell of strong emotionshis view of th e world was foggy and rolled with his own perceptions and beliefs that colored e verything. Renee's emotions were strong but very different than Charlie. She did n't hold onto anything like he did. The emotions and thoughts that she had were so fleeting that I wondered how she could make a decision on anything. Very much like a child who changes their mind at every moment and who would get hurt at t he slightest offense. "Thank you so much for taking care of her." She smiled at Carlisle and turned to Alice. "And for calling me, I don't know what we would ha ve done without your help." When she turned to me, she looked slightly wary. "An d this must be your son?" She looked closely at me, much the same way that Bella did, as if she saw too much. "Charlie told me that you were the reason Bella lef t Forks." "Yes, in a manner of speaking," I said, hanging my head. "I felt terri ble that she left like that, and I came here to convince Bella to come back." I looked into Renee's eyes. "I'm very sorry that she was hurt," I said sincerely. He loves her. Renee's thoughts surprised me. She was so sure. Everything was sim plified in her mind when it came to other people, yet she quickly thought of Bel la and how young she was Her . mind slipped back into the wordless pictures afte r that one clear thought. While Renee talked to Carlisle again about how Bella w as hurt, seeming to need to hear the story all over in more detail so she fully understood, she was very conscious of how young Carlisle looked. It was quite no rmal for his looks to elicit a romantic interest from women, but Renee seemed di fferent. She simply noticed the fact. She saw that he was young but accepted tha t he was knowledgeable and was grateful for his help. It was very interesting to be near Bella's mother, seeing how Renee's mind and Charlie's could create her, but I still didn't understand why Bella's mind was completely silent to me. "We should probably be saying goodnight," Carlisle said. "It was nice to meet you, Renee. I'm sure you want to be alone with Bella for a while." He smiled at her. "Oh, yes I do. Actually, I'm a little afraid to go home. I just saw the news in t he waiting room as we were coming through and heard that there was some vandalis m in th neighborhood where my e house is." She shook her head and bit her bottom lip. "I'm glad that Bella wasn't near there when it happened. Though, she proba bly couldn't have been more hurt than she was falling down those stairs." Renee laughed weakly. The three of us didn't have anything to say to Renee's insight, and I quickly changed the subject. "Carlisle, do you mind if I stay here? -if th at's all right with you?" I said, turning to Renee and smiling. Hoping that I was still able to dazzle people into getting my way, I didn't know what I'd do if s he said I couldn't stay.

"No, of course I don't mind." Renee hesitated, slightly confused. "If that's what you want." "Yes," I said firmly. She smiled back at me, that clarity of thought turning to a frantic curiosity as she wondered if Bella was in love with me too . "That's fine, Edward. We'll see you in the morning." Carlisle said, nodding to Renee as he and Alice left the room. "It was nice meeting you," Alice smiled an d waved at Renee before closing the door. Edward, Alice thought as she walked aw ay. I saw that you might need something to occupy your hands while you were here so I bought a book for you. It's on the window sill. See you tomorrow. I walked to the window sill where she had placed it, picked up the book, and sat down in the chair farther from Bella so that Renee could be nearer to her. The book was Sofies verden by Jostein Gaarder in the original Norwegian. Sophie's World the only book, that I knew of, that Bella owned and I had never read. I'd considered buying a copy of my own, realizing that was probably why Alice knew to get it f or me. A novel about the history of philosophy, I remembered and wondered if I r eally needed a book that encouraged more thoughts when I already had so many. It was nice t look like I was doing o something though, easier to appear human, an d I could watch Bella through Renee's mind in between my own thoughts and what I read. After Renee ate a power bar that she pulled from her purse, it didn't tak e long for her to find the turquoise recliner in the corner of the room and scoo t it to the end of Bella's bed before falling asleep. I was amused to discover t hat Renee talked in her sleep almost as much as Bella did. Though it was much ea sier to discover what Renee was dreaming about. She mumbled a few things about J acksonville and breathing water - and dreamed happily of a yellow house with whi te trim. Bella sat beside her on the porch of the house in her mind, and they la ughed and talked together. Though I couldn't make out all the words in her mind I knew that she wanted Bella to move back in with her, and I knew that it would be the best thing for Bella to do. As much as I hated the thought of the first o ption of the four possibilities, I knew it would be best for her if she changed her mind about me-if she moved on and found someone else. She could find someone so much more worthy of her than me. Someone who didn't bring all this pain into her life. The easiest possibility for me to consider was just to continue to lo ve Bella while she remained human. I would enjoy every moment I had with her whi le I could. Before she grew too old to care about me, or my world became too muc h of a danger to overcome. What would I have? Sixty or seventy more years with h er before she would die, and I would have to find some way to follow her. It was the easiest option for me to consider because it was the best thing for Bella, next to forgetting me all together. The time would seem like nothing to me, but any time she gave me was an undeserved gift. Watching Bella sleep, pitifully ban daged with the monitor beeping evenly the smell of the mixed bouquet that wasn't her blood lingering in the air around her, I knew that it was wrong for her to keep choosing me. I wanted her to live with her mother, enjoy the sunshine, and forget about me. As much as it hurt, I knew it would be the best for her. But if she continued to choose me, what could I do? I knew I was too selfish, too need y, to do the right thing - even now. Even after all that she'd been through, I c ouldn't leave her like I knew I should, but I couldn't make her one of us either . She couldn't understand what she would be giving up, even if she wanted that. She was so young, so innocent to the demons haunting our wills and giving us thi s repulsive desire to suck the life and souls from humanity.

I couldn't do that to her. The thought was beyond excruciating. To be that selfi sh would be unendurable, but more even than that, to have her regret being turne d. To wish to be human again as all of my family has wished to be, to escape the hellish desires that grip us all. How could I live through all eternity with he r regretting she ever said she loved me? I couldn't bear it, but I also couldn't bear the thought of anything hurting her again, and I could hurt her. Hearing a nurse's thoughts outside of the door, I closed my eyes quickly and leaned my he ad back. Why do I have nightshifts? She said I could have a different schedule a nd then here I am again no one listens at all. The nurse's complaining thoughts di stracted me from my own for a moment as I watched Bella through her eyes. New IV bag - check everything looks good, poor thing I wonder what she looked like befor e all the bruises and swelling? How can anyone be that clumsy? The nurse shook h er head and slipped back out as she remembered the story of how Bella was hurt. She marveled at how much blood Bella had lost before she had the transfusion. Th at too was most definitely my fault. I didn't really want to think about how muc h of her blood I drank, yet I knew I needed to. I needed to understand how I was able to stop. I hadn't realized my life was empty until I met and loved Bella, and again I hadn't realized how completely void my body was until Bella's blood filled that emptiness in myself. It was as if her soul was filling me and creati ng a home inside my empty chest. I knew this wasn't possible, but that's how it had felt. It was beyond description. Every normal vampire would give anything to experience such a thing, so how did I stop? Stopping the frenzy had felt like I was setting that imagined new soul on fire. Every ounce of my being rebelled ag ainst me when I pulled my lips away from her skin. I'd metaphorically killed mys elf and let go of that immortal wholeness that I felt. How could I have done tha t in my own strength? I wasn't strong enough in myself to do any of this. As muc h as Carlisle and Esme believed in me, I knew the truth, but if I wasn't enough, than what happened? How did I stop? I remembered the image that I'd pictured on ce of the twisted fate. A cruel-looking harpy that laughed at my struggles. And then I remembered the carefree angel that I'd pictured next, the one that simply tossed Bella toward me, carelessly trusting my own morality to keep her safe. B ut what if there was something more? I had always believed in the existence of G od - some sort of creator of the world made the most sense to me - but I'd alway s thought of that God as just starting the world and letting it go. Almost like the carefree angel that I'd pictured, yet I've seen through the minds of some hu mans of how they rely on a God that helps them through each small thing in their lives. It had always seemed so silly, so childish to believe that the God that created the universe would be interested in the tiny problems of each human. May be that was true, and maybe it wasn't, but something gave me that strength that I didn't have. It could have been a deity, a guardian angle perhaps, or possibly Bella herself. The fact that I didn't understand this great mystery terrified m e. If I didn't understand, then how could I be sure that I would always be safe for her? If everything happened again, I have no idea if I could do the same thi ng. Could I always keep myself from killing her? As humbled as I'd been recently , I felt myself brought even lower when I realized how much I didn't understand. I didn't know how I was able to stop, but I did know that I'd forcefully been t aking the heaven from her that could never be mine. If some supernatural force d id give me the strength that I

needed right at that moment, I knew that it wasn't for my benefit. It had all be en - and would only ever be - for Bella. She was too important, too special, to lose. I loved her too much to do anything less than die to every desire that I h ad. I spent the night pondering my own philosophical questions while I read and realized that the book ended in a similar place that I had come to. I knew how p ossible it was for a previous thinker to come up with a solution to something th at is important to humanity, and even though I wondered how that would translate to someone who is not human, I could see how other ideas would stimulate new on es. Yet the ending of the book was unsatisfying to me. At the end of the book, t hey discussed the universe and desc ribed the Big Bang theory. Then pointing out how we are united in a spectacular way, each coming from that first point that formed the universe, and that the contents of the universe itself are relatively unimportant. Translated, the ending would read, "It is enough just to hold a st one in your hand. The universe would have been equally incomprehensible if it ha d only consisted of that one stone the size of an orange. The question would be just as impenetrable: where did this stone come from?" It left the reader with t he same questions that the book began with of "who are you?" and "where does the world come from?" and I realized that no matter how often I looked at my love f or Bella and what I should do, I kept coming back to the same unanswered questio ns. But I wasn't convinced that there couldn't be an answer for us. Do I have to continue questioning myself and still come up with no solution for our love? Ag ain, I went over the options and what is best for Bella, and as I pondered, I re membered with perfect clarity a section from the middle of the book. "According to Berkeley, my own soul can be the cause of my own ideas - just as when I dream -" How could that relate to a soulless being who doesn't dream? What would it me an to have a soul while you are alive, not just a soul that goes to heaven or he ll when you die? I couldn't help but wonder what it would mean for Bella to live with a soul, not just die with one. If something stopped me from killing her wh ile I drank her blood, it seemed likely that it was intertwined with the preserv ation of her soul. What else could it be? In one sense, I had saved Bella, but i n a far greater way, she had sacrificed herself for me. She hadn't been afraid o f the realities of my world, and even after being tortured by James, she wanted me to stay with her. "It doesn't matter what you are," she had said so long ago. To look at it another way, somehow, my love for Bella had saved me from myself. In that instant, the monster turned into the human prince, but this wasn't a fa iry tale and I was not under a spell. I would always have to deal with the monst er inside of me, no matter how much I wished to forever be that prince for her. Even if somehow I could remain as that human prince, how could I allow her to lo se everything, to continue to risk her soul at every moment, just to save me? I knew when I drank her blood, even though I couldn't put the thought perfectly in to words till this moment, that I loved her too much to do anything but die for her. Experiencing the immortal heaven that I had felt when her blood entered me - in that moment, it was as if I was alive again, yet my love for her was too st rong to do anything but sacrifice that new life. Loving her so deeply meant that I would always be dying for her life and her soul. The burning hell that I stoo d in, outside of the heaven that I'd metaphorically experienced, was the price t hat I would pay for her. I could not do less.

I would never turn into the human prince as he overcomes a spell. Bella would ne ver truly be my princess in one way, but she had saved me in that moment. I coul d never escape this soulless hell, but because of the love I had for her, the mo nster within myself was overcome. However that had happened and at least in that instant in time - he had been defeated. This realization gave me a margin of ho pe that there could be an answer out there, and I just didn't see it. But the mo nster is still here. He is still me and part of the existence that I will always endure and struggle with, but the glimmer of humanity that Bella had grown insi de this empty shell had beaten him. I could never guarantee the man would win ov er the monster at every moment, yet it did give me hope. I had never known this kind of hope or even dreamed it could be possible before Bella came into my life . Watching her sleep, broken as she was yet so absurdly brave, she was worthy of every sacrifice I could endure. Any selfishness, any wish that I had that wasn' t in her best interest would never come to pass. I vowed right then, as I stared at her beautiful bruised face, that I would do nothing to hurt her ever again. True love is dying to yourself, dying so your love can live. Every moment of my existence would revolve around that one thought. I would love her more than she ever would realize, always hoping that she would choose to leave me and finally be truly safe. She deserved so much more than I could give her. It hurt to even consider it, but I didn't need to think of it now. I would simply be here for he r as long as she would allow it, and it was safe enough for me to be close to he r. I would make sure that she didn't miss any human experience because of me. Sh e had so much life to live, and she would heal. Amazing and impossible as our lo ve story was, perhaps there would be a way for us in the end. Carlisle had said to have faith, but faith in what? His faith always seemed to be rooted in the im possible, yet hadn't I been doing the same when I refused to believe the visions that Alice had? Even changing them and seeing the impossible happen right befor e my eyes. I didn't know what good could come of this, but I had to believe that something better was possible in all of this improbability. An Impasse - 25 I d idn't leave Bella's room the entire time she was unconscious. Periodically, Alic e would bring me a tray of food so that when Renee woke, or came back from doing something, she would assume that I was eating. The nurses mainly ignored me. Ac ting like I was just a nuisance that they put up with, and Renee didn't often ta lk to me as I usually was able to feign sleep or reading to avoid conversation. It wasn't that I didn't want to speak to her specifically; I didn't want to talk to anyone. To act like I was all right when I was in agony was almost impossibl e. Carlisle continued to help around the hospital as much as he could, unable to be idle when so many people needed his help. He occasionally looked in on me. A lways reassuring me that Bella would be fine and was recovering well. The fact t hat she shouldn't be here in the first place, and her injuries were entirely my fault, were lost on him. He continued to offer praise that I didn't deserve, but I couldn't say anything to him. I didn't understand what had happened well enou gh to explain to him why he shouldn't praise me. I wasn't strong enough for what I had been able to stand, but I couldn't explain these mysteries to anyone beca use I didn't understand them well enough myself. Gradually, the transfusion that Bella had incorporated into her system, and eventually she began to smell as sw eet as she always had. This reassured me more than anything even Carlisle told m e. But it also reminded me, again, why I was so potentially dangerous to her.

The minutes, hours, and days, passed in very much the same way. Alice would brin g another arrangement of pink roses into Bella's room and offer me some wrappers or a lunch tray, halfeaten for effect, and assure me again that I had nothing t o worry about. Then she would leave to do some shopping or occupy herself in the hotel room with drawing new designs for clothing that had come to her. I smiled when I looked at all the pink roses on the table near the head of the hospital bed. Depending on the century and decade, different flowers had been given their own meanings. The meanings had changed slightly from one decade to the next, bu t at least in one time period, pink roses had symbolized friendship. As much as I hadn't wanted Alice and Bella to be best friends, I was more than glad of that relationship now. I had been angry that Alice wanted Bella to know how to be on e of us, and though I still felt the same way, I couldn't be upset with her moti ves. She truly did love Bella like her best friend and favorite sister that she had always longed for. Alice was planning on researching asylums to learn more a bout her human family and past, and whenever I thought of how her family had tre ated her by locking her away, I grew almost too angry to speak evenly. Alice did n't show many signs of anger yet as she was still processing the new information and what to do with it. In the late morning on Friday, Alice came into Bella's room carrying a little potted miniature rose plant. The roses were pink, of cour se, and she placed them on the table at the head of Bella's bed with the other a rrangements. I was pretending to watch the TV high up on the wall but not really seeing any of it. Unfortunately, I'd already read the book twice and didn't hav e another one to help me look occupied. Renee looked away from the mundane talk show and saw the newest addition to the flower table as Alice moved the vases an d pots to make room for it. "More flowers?" she said in surprise. "Yes, Bella ha s a lot of friends in Forks, you know, and one of our friends called me to ask i f I could get flowers for her room." Alice was beaming as she stared at the flow ers. Only I could see the side of her face and raised my eyebrows at her silentl y. I caught her wink. Esme called again, actually, but it was my idea to get mor e flowers. I just smiled and turned my head back to the TV and continued to not watch it as I counted Bella's breaths and attuned myself to any fluctuation of h er temperature. The gradual lightening of the visible bruises were becoming more apparent on her face and arms, her scent continually grew more potent as the bl ood in her system moved through her veins, and I waited for any change, wonderin g when she would be conscious again. Bella is going to wake up soon, Edward. I a lmost got up when I heard the words in her mind, but managed to stay still. Wait ing for any other information that she'd seen. "Umm.. Alice? Do you have the tim e?" I asked her, a nonchalant question that would seem perfectly normal to anyon e else, but Alice knew what I wanted. She stared at her wristwatch for a moment and I saw the vision of Bella waking, run through her mind with her watch helpin g to gauge how soon this would be. Twenty-two minutes. "It's 11:40," she said al oud. "Renee, would you like to join me for lunch?" "Yes. Actually, I was getting kind of hungry." Renee smiled at Alice and stood up to join her. They walked ou t the door together while Alice's mental words reminded me. You know you owe me big for all the little things I do for you. I smiled. She was right of course, a nd I was glad that I would get to be alone with Bella when she first awoke. Not just because I needed to tell her the cover story before she said anything that would confuse her mother, but because I needed to see her open her eyes and talk to her without having to play a part in our continual charade.

It felt amazing to know someone, to love someone, that I could be myself with. A t least for now, I reminded myself sadly. I pulled the chair next to her bed eve n closer to her and rested my chin on her pillow. The minutes ticked by slowly a s I waited for her eyes to open. I watched the curve of her lips as her breathin g changed slightly. Suddenly, her eyes fluttered once and then opened. The relie f that I felt when I saw her warm brown eyes opening was amazing as if I could f ully inhale again without the tightening I'd been feeling in my lungs during the long hours I'd waited for her to awake again. Her eyes didn't seem to focus as they swept the room, the walls, the bed rail, the ceiling and squinting into the light. She suddenly lifted her hand and was about to rip the oxygen tube out fr om under her nose. "No, you don't," I said and caught her hand in my own. "Edwar d?" Her voice sounded rough and still groggy as she said my name. Turning her he ad slightly, her eyes met mine and a spark of awareness flashed in their brown d epths. "Oh, Edward , I'm so sorry!" "Shhh. Everything's all right now," I said, p lacing her hand back down at her side but not able to let go yet. "What happened ?" "I was almost too late. I could have been too late." I whispered the words, u nable to keep a fraction of the torture I'd been feeling leak into the words. "I was so stupid, Edward. I thought he had my mom." "He tricked us all," I said, m erely admitting the truth. "I need to call Charlie and my mom." Her eyes unfocus ed for a moment and she blinked again. "Alice called them. Renee is here - well, here in the hospital. She's getting something to eat right now." "She's here?" Bella gasped and tried to sit up. Her eyes were shifting from the dizziness that was inevitable from the quick movement, and I gently pushed her back down onto her pillow. "She'll be back soon," I said, hoping that my words would sooth her. She must be so confused right now. I wondered how much pain she was in. "And yo u need to stay still." "But what did you tell her?" Her eyes widened in panic. " Why did you tell her I'm here?" "You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window," I said automatically and then paused, wondering if the cover story w ould offend her. "You have to admit, it could happen." She sighed, accepting the truth of my words, and then looked down at the bed sheet, staring at the lump t hat was her plaster encased broken leg. "How bad am I?" She asked quietly. "You have a broken leg, four broken ribs, some cracks in your skull, bruises covering every inch of your skin, and you've lost a lot of blood. They gave you a few tr ansfusions. I didn't like it - it made you smell all wrong for a while." I wrink led my nose at the memory. If her scent was like the bouquet of a fine wine, the transfusion was like pouring every different type of cheap wine into one bowl.

"That must have been a nice change for you." "No, I like how you smell." "How di d you do it?" Her eyes were wide with curiosity, and I knew exactly what she was referring to. "I'm not sure," I admitted and then looked away from her eyes. Ca refully lifting up her gauze wrapped hand that would now always carry a scar, I thought again about what had happened, wondering how to explain it to her. "It w as impossibleto stop." I whispered the words, tortured again at how easily I coul d have killed her. "Impossible. But I did." I looked up at her then and smiled s lightly, offering the only explanation that I was sure of. "I must love you." My smile widened at the gross understatement. "Don't I taste as good as I smell?" A teasing glint shown in her eyes as she smiled back at me. "Even better - bette r than I'd imagined." "I'm sorry," she said, always able to surprise me. My eyes turned up to the ceiling as I shook my head at her words. " all the things to a pologize Of for." "What shouldI apologize for?" Her voice sounded confused, begg ing for some relief from the guilt I could see in her eyes. "For very nearly tak ing yourself away from me forever," I said quietly, my lungs tightened at the th ought again of how close it had been. "I'm sorry." Her long eyelashes brushed he r cheeks as she looked down, frowning slightly. "I know why you did it," I said gently, seeing that she was truly sorry. "It was still irrational, of course. Yo u should have waited for me- you should have told me." "You wouldn't have let me go." "No," I said firmly, "I wouldn't." Bella blinked quickly again, her eyes u nfocused as they swept the room and then she shuddered and winced. "Bella, what' s wrong?" I asked anxiously, wondering if all of the pain medication had worn of f already. "What happened to James?" Ah, she must be remembering more. How I wis hed I could take the horrible memories away from her as well as the pain. "After I pulled him off you, Emmett and Jasper took care of him," I said, wishing agai n that I could have killed him myself. "I didn't see Emmett and Jasper there." H er wide eyes looked confused and her eyebrows came together. "They had to leave the room there was a lot of blood." "But you stayed."

"Yes, I stayed," I said, and as much as I wished that I could have killed James myself, I didn't regret for one moment that I'd chosen to stay with her. "And Al ice, and Carlisle," her eyes widened in wonder. "They love you, too, you know." T he pucker appeared between her eyes as she thought of something, and I smiled as I watched her face. I had missed seeing her expressions. "Did Alice see the tap e?" she asked, suddenly sounding anxious again. "Yes." The hatred that I felt ev ery time I thought of how Alice was treated colored even that one word. "She was always in the dark- that's why she didn't remember," Bella said quickly. "I kno w. She understands now." I managed to say the words evenly, but I couldn't stop the anger warring inside me every time I thought of how she was treated. Bella l ifted her hand slowly and then stopped and looked down at the IV that inhibited her movements. "Ugh." She groaned and winced simultaneously as her face paled sl ightly. "What is it?" I asked, unable to keep the anxiety out of my voice as I s hook off the black mood that had gripped me. "Needles," she said and then looked away from my face, concentrating on a point in the ceiling. The color began to return to her cheeks. "Afraid of a needle." I muttered the words and shook my he ad. "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand" My facetious humor must not have impressed her as she just rolled her eyes and then quickly said, "Why are y ou here?" I didn't understand why she'd asked me that. Had my teasing offended h er? Perhaps she didn't want me here. I frowned slightly and tried to speak witho ut revealing the hurt in my voice. "Do you want me to leave?" "No!" Her eyes sud denly widened in horror. "No, I meant, why does my mother think you're here? I n eed to have my story straight before she gets back." "Oh," I said, and my face r elaxed as I prepared to relay the cover story. "I came to Phoenix to talk some s ense into you, to convince you to come back to Forks." It didn't feel like a lie to say these words. I did feel like I needed to talk some sense into her, and t hough I knew I wouldn't try to convince her to come back to Forks, I could so ea sily let myself try to convince her to stay with me for eternity. "You agreed to see me, and you drove out to the hotel where I was staying with Carlisle and Al ice - of course I was here with parental supervision." I smiled at how virtuous that sounded. "But you tripped on the stairs on the way to my room and well, you know the rest. You don't need to remember any details, though; you have a good e xcuse to be a little muddled about the finer points." Bella bit her bottom lip f or a moment and squinted at me. "There are a few flaws with that story. Like no broken windows."

"Not really," I said. "Alice had a little bit too much fun fabricating evidence. It's all been taken care of very convincingly - you could probably sue the hote l if you wanted to. You have noth ing to worry about." I smiled at her and began to stroke her cheek as lightly as I could. "Your only job now is to heal." As I touched her face and she looked deeply into my eyes, her heartbeat sped, and th e beeping of the machine echoed the erratic pulses that normally only I could he ar. "That's going to be embarrassing," Bella muttered, squinting accusingly at t he monitor. I chuckled and then wondered what would happen if I kissed her. It s eemed like a decade had passed instead of just a few days since the last time th at I'd kissed her. "Hmm, I wonder" I leaned slowly toward her and with each inch that I brought my face closer to hers her heart sped faster. Gently, I pressed m y lips to hers and the quick beeps from the monitor abruptly stopped. Quickly pu lling back, I anxiously looked between her face and the monitor and was relieved when the beeping began again almost immediately. I frowned. "It seems that I'm going to have to be even more careful with you than usual." "I was not finished kissing you. Don't make me come over there." Her teasing whine was adorable, and I grinned at her as I leaned closer to kiss her again. The monitor went wild ag ain as I lightly pressed my lips to hers. Which way? Bella Bella terrible lunch suc h a lovely girl. Renee's thoughts coming closer to the room made me pause. I pul led away from Bella and said, "I think I hear your mother." I grinned at Renee's thought pattern. "Don't leave me!" Bella gasped and clutched at my hand. I hadn 't been planning on leaving her room, but the terror that I saw in her eyes was unbearable. I spoke solemnly and smiled to reassure her. "I won't. I'll take a n ap." I moved from her side to the ugly turquoise recliner at the foot of the bed and leaned it all the way back. Closing my eyes, I lay perfectly still and conc entrated on Renee's mind, gauging how soon she would be here. "Don't forget to b reathe," Bella said, sarcasm seeping through each whispered word. I took a deep breath to satisfy her. Renee was closer now, and I was sure that even Bella woul d be able to hear her through the closed door. A nurse had just informed her tha t Bella should wake up at any time. "What? Why didn't someone tell me sooner tha t the medication was going to wear off today?" Her mind was scattered and tired as she felt annoyed at the overly calm nurse. "I'm sure she's fine, but it takes a while for the grogginess to go away." Renee turned away from the nurse, and h er thoughts were full of concern for her daughter as she quietly opened the door and peeked in. "Mom!" Bella's whisper was full of love and relief. Renee saw me first and mumbled to herself about how I never left as she tried to tip-toe aro und me to Bella's side. "Mom, I'm so glad to see you!"

When Renee heard Bella's voice, tears spontaneously began to pour down her face, "Bella, I was so upset!" she said and leaned down to hug her. It was strange to read her mind. Everything she saw was so clear, yet her emotions changed so qui ckly that I couldn't predict what she would think or feel next. It made sense to me that Bella had learned to be the one to take care of her mother. She seemed so childlike at times - and so very opposite from Charlie. I had hoped that hear ing Renee's mind after hearing Charlie's would give me a better idea of the clos ed mind of their daughter. Perhaps if they were more alike, this would be helpfu l, but as it was, Bella's mind was still a baffling mystery to me. She seemed to be the unique culmination of two opposites. Even though she saw too much as Bel la always had, she seemed easily swayed. Her mind always shifting from thought t o thought, and she spoke without forming the words in her mind before speaking. When I first met her, I thought that the words in her mind were partly obscured as Charlie's always were, but as I was around her more, I realized that hardly a ny complete sentences stayed in her mind long enough for me to detect. Renee and Bella were exchanging the normal pleasantries that people do when they haven't seen each other in a while, but when I heard Renee mention my father, I began to pay closer attention to their conversation. "You're lucky Dr. Cullen was there. He's such a nice manvery young, though. And he looks more like a model than a do ctor" "You met Carlisle?" "And Edward's sister Alice. She's a lovely girl." "She is," Bella said emphatically. I saw myself through Renee's eyes as she looked ov er her shoulder at me as I pretended to sleep. Her thoughts were suddenly so cur ious I was amazed that she was able to contain the questions that buzzed in her mind so quickly that I couldn't follow them. "You didn't tell me you had such go od friends in Forks," she said, still eyeing me. Her thought shifting from suspi cion, to curiosity, to affection, to loneliness, to nostalgia, and then to conce rn as Bella moaned in pain. "What hurts?" she asked, her shifting mind remained still for a moment as she stared again at Bella, anxiously demanded an answer. I opened my eyes and looked at Bella's face too, also wanting reassurance. "It's fine," Bella said, glancing at me quickly before looking at her mother. "I just have to remember not to move." Closing my eyes again I concentrated on watching Bella through Renee's mind. "Where's Phil?" Bella asked quickly, and all thought s that Renee had about me and my family, and my relationship with Bella, left he r mind instantly. "Florida - oh, Bella! You'll never guess! Just when we were ab out to leave, the best news!" "Phil got signed?" "Yes! How did you guess! The Su ns! Can you believe it?" "That's great, Mom." Bella's enthusiasm didn't match he r mother's.

"And you'll like Jacksonville so much," Renee said, the words gushing out of her as if she couldn't hold the dam back any longer. I knew this conversation would be coming and felt my lips tighten as I listened, watching Bella's vacant expre ssion as she took in her mother's words. "I was a bit worried when Phil started talking about Akron, what with the snow and everything, because you know how I h ate the cold, but now Jacksonville! It's always sunny, and the humidity really i sn't that bad. We found the cutest house-yellow, with white trim, and a porch ju st like in an old movie, and this huge oak tree, and it's just a few minutes fro m the ocean, and you'll have your own bathroom-" "Wait, Mom!" Bella finally inte rrupted her eyes beginning to focus as she seemed to fully realize what her moth er was saying. "What are you talking about? I'm not going to Florida. I live in Forks." "But you don't have to anymore, silly." She laughed as if the idea were absurd. "Phil will be able to be around so much more now we've talked about it a lot, and what I'm going to do is trade off on the away games, half the time with you, half the time with him." "Mom" Bella hesitated as she looked over her mothe r's face. "I want to live in Forks. I'm already settled in at school, and I have a couple of girlfriends" - Renee glanced at me, accusation coloring her thought s, then turned back to Bella as she continued - "and Charlie needs me. He's just all alone up there, and he can't cook at all." "You want to stay in Forks?" Ren ee's thoughts were incoherently bewildered, and then that clarity broke through as her eyes flickered back to me again. "Why?" "I told you - school, Charlie - o uch!" Bella had shrugged when she cried out, and Renee's hands fluttered over he r daughter unsure of how to comfort her. She began patting Bella's forehead as s he said, "Bell, honey, you hate Forks." "It's not so bad." The black and white t houghts returned, and Renee looked between Bella and myself a few times before s he said quietly, "Is it this boy?" Renee watched Bella's face closely as she ope ned her mouth to say something then paused. "He's part of it," she finally said. "So, have you had a chance to talk with Edward?" "Yes." She hesitated as she lo oked at my closed eyes again. "And I want to talk to you about that." "What abou t?" Bella asked, trepidation coloring her tone. "I think that boy is in love wit h you," Renee said, leaning close to Bella as if she were telling her something that she didn't already know. "I think so, too." Renee caught the twinkle in Bel la's eyes and the curiosity raging in her mind was almost deafening. "And how do you feel about him?" Bella sighed and looked away from her mother. "I'm pretty crazy about him." The tone in her voice wasn't convincing to me, but Renee accep ted what she said, and I wished for the twelve hundred and twenty-second time th at I could read Bella's mind. Why would she keep her feelings for me a secret? I understood why she should keep everything else about me a secret, but why this? I felt like climbing up on a rooftop and calling out to the world that I was in love with Bella Swan, and the only thing that stopped me from doing this was th e warring desire that I always had inside me. Knowing that she needed to be free to leave me if she chose to, knowing that it would be safer

and better for her life if she did. That was the only thing that kept me from cl imbing that roof and blasting a horn in Morse code that spelled out how much I l oved her. "Well, he seems very nice, and, my goodness, he's incredibly good-look ing, but you're so young, Bella" Renee paused and looked at her daughter, picturi ng Bella in her mind fo a brief moment r as she looked when she was in grade sch ool. The images in her mind of how her daughter grew were interrupted when Bella spoke again. "I know that, Mom. Don't worry about it," she said, her voice low and soothing. "It's just a crush." "That's right." Renee agreed easily, and I pa infully wondered how true Bella's words really were. "Do you need to go?" Bella asked as her mother looked at the clock on the wall. Should I? maybe I should st ay, but he said "Phil's supposed to call in a little while I didn't know you were going to wake up" "No problem, Mom. I won't be alone." "I'll be back soon. I've b een sleeping here, you know." Renee's mind was full of pride at this statement. "Oh, Mom, you don't have to do that! You can sleep at home - I'll never notice." "I was too nervous," she said sheepishly. "There's been some crime in the neigh borhood, and I don't like being there alone." "Crime?" Bella asked, as if she di dn't know. "Someone broke into that dance studio around the corner from the hous and burned it to the e ground - there's nothing left at all! And they left a st olen car right out front. Do you remember when you used to dance there, honey?" "I remember." Bella shivered and then winced. I was sure she was remembering muc h more than dancing there. "I can stay, baby, if you need me." "No, Mom, I'll be fine. Edward will be with me." Renee's mind suddenly turned from the caring mot her to the suspicious parent as she looked at me. Yes, I'm sure he will she thoug ht and then said, "I'll be back tonight." "I love you, Mom." "I love you, too, B ella. Try to be more careful when you walk, honey, I don't want to lose you." I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face for a brief moment at her word s. I often had thought the same thing when I saw Bella's clumsiness. A nurse cam e into the room just as Bella's mother bent down to kiss her forehead. Renee pat ted Bella's hand and then left the room. When did he say he'd call? wait, what's the time difference again maybe it's not too late to have coffee. Her shifting m ind buzzed quickly away from the room. The nurse was checking the paper readout on the heart monitor; her internal clucking was irritating. "Are you feeling anx ious, honey? Your heart rate got a little high there."

"I'm fine." Bella and I both knew when her heart rate had gotten so high, and I wondered if they'd kick me out if they discovered that I was the cause. "I'll te ll your RN that you're awake. She'll be in to see you in a minute." I was reliev ed when the nurse finally left, and as soon as the door closed I was by Bella's side in one-eights of a second. "You stole a car?" she raised her eyebrows at me . I grinned at her. "It was a good car, very fast." "How was your nap?" she aske d sarcastically. "Interesting," I said, my eyes narrowed as I looked at her, won dering about what she'd told her mother. "What?" "I'm surprised. I thought Flori da and your mother well, I thought that's what you would want." I had been prepari ng myself in these last few days to be able to talk to her about this, when it c ame up, without betraying the pain that I felt when I thought of her leaving me. My voice was smooth and hardly gave it away. Bella stared at me. She seemed una ble to understand my words. "But you'd be stuck inside all day in Florida. You'd only be able to come out at night - just like a real vampire." I almost smiled when she said 'real vampire' - as if I were a fake one - but quickly sobered whe n I remembered what we were talking about and what I would have to do. "I would stay in Forks, Bella. Or somewhere like it," I said forcing myself to believe th at I could stay away from her if she chose to leave. "Someplace where I couldn't hurt you anymore." Bella stared at me blankly for a moment and slowly her eyes became deep pools of realization Her . heart rate accelerated, emphasized by the monitor, and her breathing sped. I watched her beautiful bruised face twist in pain as she gasped. Her ribs must be hurting her. Did she finally realize that I 'd done this to her? Did she finally see the danger, after all she'd been throug h? The registered nurse walked purposefully into the room and quickly took in Be lla's pained expression and the thrumming monitor. "Time for more pain meds, swe etheart?" she kindly said while tapping the IV feed. "No, no," Bella said, agony coloring her voice. "I don't need anything." "No need to be brave, honey. It's better if you don't get too stressed out; you need to rest." Bella shook her hea d stubbornly. "Okay. Hit the call button when you're ready," she said and sternl y looked at me as she left. Leave it to a boyfriend to get her all worked up ove r some silly thing. He shouldn't even be in here, but she's not my daughter I won 't say anythingit's not my businessinfatuationsThe nurse glanced quickly at the mac hinery before closing the door. Bella was still panicking, and I put my hand on her face. "Shhh, Bella, calm down." "Don't leave me." Her voice broke as she gas ped for air. "I won't," I said. There wasn't any way I would leave her like this regardless. "Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate you."

Her breathing slowed marginally, but her heartbeat continued to gallop at an ala rming pace. "Bella." I stroked her face anxiously, willing her to calm down. "I' m not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me." "Do you swear you won't leave me?" Her gasps and pained expression scared me. Everything I did or didn't do seemed to hurt her, but I didn't think there would ever come a tim e that I could leave her. I took her face between my hands and leaned close to h er, looking deeply into her eyes. "I swear." I continued to hold Bella's face as her heart gradual slowed to normal and her face relaxed. "Better?" I asked. "Ye s," she said quietly. I released her and shook my head, relieved that she didn't have a heart attack, and spoke too quickly and quietly for her to hear. "Of cou rse she wasn't afraid of getting hurt again. No, she wants to stay with me and r isk her life over and over. Of all the ridiculous overreactions I've ever seen" I forced myself to stop speaking the incoherent words and looked at Bella. She wa s calmer but still shaking. "Why did you say that? Are you tired of having to sa ve me all the time? Do you want me to go away?" Bella's voice shook slightly as she spoke. "No, I don't want to be without you, Bella, of course not. Be rationa l. And I have no problem with saving you, either - if it weren't for the fact th at I was the one putting you in danger that I'm the reason that you're here." "Ye s, you are the reason," she said quickly and frowned. "The reason I'm here - ali ve." "Barely," I said in a whisper. "Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly abl e to move." "I wasn't referring to my most recent near-death experience. I was t hinking of the others - you can take your pick. If it weren't for you, I would b e rotting away in the Forks cemetery." I winced as she spoke but wasn't deterred . She didn't understand that all of those things started when she met me; it was all my fault. "That's not the worst part, though," I said quietly, wanting her to understand how hard this was for me. "Not seeing you there on the floorcrumple d and broken. Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain all those unbearable memories that I'll carry with me for the rest of eternity. " I choked on the words as I spoke, remembering as if I were reliving it all. "N o, the very worst was feeling knowing that I couldn't stop. Believing that I was going to kill you myself." "But you didn't." "I could have. So easily." Even whe n I explained it to her, I could tell from her eyes that she didn't take this se riously. It didn't seem to bother her at all that I couldhave killed her a hundr ed times over. Always running toward danger as she was, so foolish and trusting. She didn't understand how all of this had tortured me. Did she even care? It di dn't seem to bother her if she died and left me alone forever with the knowledge that I'd murdered the only woman I could love. Bella's breathing began to accel erate again as she whispered. "Promise me."

"What?" "You know what." Her tone was angry now, stubborn. I answered her in the same tone, annoyed that she still wouldn't see the truth. "I don't seem to be s trong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that you'll get your waywhether it kills you or not." Could I ever be that unselfish? I doubted it; I needed her too much. "Good," she said, completely unconcerned about her own life as usual. Then she spoke more angrily. "You told me how you stopped now I want to know why ." "Why?" Did she want me to kill her? This was ridiculous. "Why you did it. Why didn't you just let the venom spread? By now, I would be just like you." I froz e in shock. Against all of my careful plans to keep this information from her, s he knew how close she'd come to becoming a vampire. Alice I can't believe she act ually told her when she knew that I didn't want Bella to know anything about thi s. I was furious and had to lock my jaw in place so that I wouldn't start yellin g, but I wasn't going to answer her question. We shouldn't even be having this d iscussion. I'd already made my decision. I wouldn't be selfish, and Bella clearl y had no idea what was good for her. She proved that again and again. Bella igno red my expressions. "I'll be the first to admit that I have no experience with r elationships," she said. "But it just seems logicala man and a woman have to be s omewhat equalas in, one of them can't always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally." I folded my arms on her bed and rest ed my chin on them finally able to push the anger away. It , was logical, I coul dn't deny that, but in this case it wasn't right, and she simply didn't - and co uldn't - understand what she was talking about. "You have saved me," I said soft ly. Would she ever realize how her love had changed me? She brought out the huma n parts of me that I had thought were unreachable. How could I allow her to be t urned, losing her own humanity when I'd just found a semblance of my own? "I can 't always be Lois Lane," she said childishly. "I want to be Superman, too." "You don't know what you're asking," I said gently. How could she know? She was so y oung, seen so little of the world, and she would want me to take all that she ha s away from her. "I think I do," she said, stubborn again. "Bella, you don't kno w. I've had almost ninety years to think about this, and I'm still not sure." "D o you wish that Carlisle hadn't saved you?" "No, I don't wish that," I said, rem embering what I'd seen in his memories, my mother begging him to save me in any way that he could, and then the pain of the transformation. "But my life was ove r. I wasn't giving anything up." "You are my life," she said. "You're the only t hing it would hurt me to lose." She didn't understand that I could still be here for her as she is. I didn't want to change her. I loved her too much to change anything about her, and only to make my life more convenient. I couldn't imagine this lovely girl, pure and innocent, being tortured by the demons that always h aunt our lives - calling us to kill humanity.

A century's weight felt heavy in my mind as I answered her. "I can't do it, Bell a. I won't do that to you." "Why not?" Her voice was rough with emotion. "Don't tell me it's too hard! After today, or I guess it was a few days agoanyway, after that, it should be nothing." I glared at her. How could she want to put her lif e in danger again. No, it wasn't enough that I'd almost killed her once, that I had no idea how I'd stopped or if I could again, and she wanted to put me in tha t place again. Then I remembered her screams as the venom burned through her vei ns. "And the pain?" I asked, hoping the reminder would be enough to deter her. H er face turned white as I saw the memory flash across her face. "That's my probl em. I can handle it." "It's possible to take bravery to the point where it becom es insanity," I said, and for a moment really did wonder if she'd completely los t it. What could she be thinking? "It's not an issue. Three days. Big deal." Rig ht. Of course, she would know how long it took. I grimaced as I tried to control my anger. Alice was going to hear from me soon, and it wouldn't be a pleasant c onversation. I turned to a different tactic. "Charlie?" I said quickly. "Renee?" There was too much of her life to live and a family that she cared about. The m inutes ticked by as she struggled with these thoughts. Clearly, she hadn't thoug ht of these things. She was so willing to give up everything but didn't understa nd, and I was sure there were other things besides her family that she hadn't co nsidered. The obvious doubt in her eyes was a good indicator that I'd won this d iscussion. "Look," she finally said, "that's not an issue either." She was such a bad liar that I knew her statement wasn't true. "Renee has always made the cho ices that work for her - she'd want me to do the same. And Charlie's resilient. He's used to being on his own. I can't take care of them forever. I have my own life to live." "Exactly," I said quickly. "And I won't end it for you." "If you' re waiting for me to be on my deathbed, I've got news for you! I was just there! " "You're going to recover," I said, only pointing out the truth. She took a dee p breath and closed her eyes for a moment before staring at me. I met her gaze a nd knew that we wouldn't be able to agree; she couldn't see what was in her best interest. Perhaps she was incapable of understanding what was best for her just as she was incapable of self-preservation, but I wouldn't yield - and she knew it. "No," she said slowly. "I'm not." Why would she say that? "Of course you are . You may have a scar or two" "You're wrong," she insisted. "I'm going to die."

"Really, Bella," I said, growing anxious. "You'll be out of here in a few days. Two weeks at the most." She glared at me as if I'd missed something entirely too obvious. "I may not die now but I'm going to die sometime. Every minute of the d ay, I get closer. And I'm going to get old." Ah, that was the problem. I frowned and pressed my fingers to my temple. Was she more upset that she wouldn't have eternal youth? Was she afraid that I would leave her because she'd grow to look older than me? I have seen so many humans at every stage of life, beautiful at e ach place. To say that an old woman isn't as beautiful in who she is as a young woman is, to me, the same as saying that a baby couldn't be as beautiful as a ch ild. The beauty was merely different. This world has such a narrow-minded idea o f time - of the best place in life to be. They try all their young lives to grow up to a certain point and then spend the rest of their lives trying to stay at that same point. Rather, each moment, each change adds grace and meaning to ever y life. Part of the hell of our existence is never living those human changes. E xperiencing growth and a maturity that comes with age and gray hair. Humanity pr izes what immortals have, yet does not see - does not appreciate - the greater p rize that is theirs and theirs alone. Bella was too young to understand these pr ofound truths, and how was I supposed to answer her immature, absurd arguments? "That's how it's supposed to happen," I finally said. "How it should happen. How it would have happened if I didn't exist - and I shouldn't exist." Bella snorte d, and I opened my eyes in surprise to look at her. "That's stupid," she said. " That's like going to someone who's just won the lottery, taking their money, and saying, 'Look, let's just go back to how things should be. It's better that way .' And I'm not buying it." "I'm hardly a lottery prize," I said, nearly growling the words at her. "That's right. You're much better." I rolled my eyes. This wa s beyond insane. She not only had no sense of self -preservation; she sought out death. If she were being burned at the stake, she'd probably hold on to the sta ke instead of trying to get away. Suddenly, I realized that that's just what she was thinking. Purposefully choosing to be poisoned with my venom so that she co uld hold onto that stake and let the venom burn through her. That is, if I didn' t kill her before she could be torched alive. She had no more concern for her ow n soul than the people that waited in dark places hoping a vampire would find th em, so they could trade their souls for eternal youth and a living hell. This co nversation was going nowhere good. "Bella, we're not having this discussion anym ore. I refuse to damn you to an eternity of night, and that's the end of it." "I f you think that's the end, then you don't know me very well," she said warningl y. "You're not the only vampire I know." I gasped, furious again. "Alice wouldn' t dare," I said darkly, and decided right then what I would do if she tried it. She'd have a vision of my retribution and would know not to cross me in this. "A lice already saw it, didn't she?" Bella said pulling me out of my dark thoughts. "That's why the things she says upset you. She knows I'm going to be like yousom eday." "She's wrong. She also saw you dead, but that didn't happen, either." "Yo u'll never catch me betting against Alice."

Bella was far too stubborn for her own good, but I could be just as stubborn if she was going to act so irrationally. We stared at each other for several minute s. There was no change in her expression, and I knew I would never be able to co nvince her why it would be wrong for me to allow her to turn her back on humanit y. But I didn't want to argue anymore. Bella needed to rest, to heal, and I didn 't want to waste any moment I had with her on silly arguments. Her face graduall y relaxed as well when she finally spoke. "So where does that leave us?" I chuck led without humor. "I believe it's called an impasse." She sighed, saying, "Ouch ." I was sure the facetious 'ouch' had a double meaning in this case, and she mu st be in more pain now. "How are you feeling?" I asked, glancing at the call but ton for the nurse. "I'm fine," she said, only poorly lying of course. "I don't b elieve you," I said gently. I didn't want her to hurt any more. "I'm not going b ack to sleep." "You need rest. All this arguing isn't good for you." "So give in ." "Nice try," I said and reached for the button. "No!" I ignored her protest an d pressed the button. A voice came over the speaker. " Yes?" "I think we're read y for more pain medication," I said calmly, disregarding Bella's livid expressio n. "I'll send in the nurse." "I won't take it," Bella said decisively. I gesture d to the sack of fluids hanging beside her bed. "I don't think they're going to ask you to swallow anything." Her heartbeat sped again, and her eyes were full o f fear. I sighed, frustrated that she couldn't even seem to let herself heal pro perly. "Bella, you're in pain. You need to relax so you can heal. Why are you be ing so difficult? They're not going to put any more needles in you now." "I'm no t afraid of the needles. I'm afraid to close my eyes." I smiled gently at her an d took her face in my hands. "I told you I'm not going anywhere. Don't be afraid . As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here." She smiled back. "You're talking about forever, you know." "Oh, you'll get over it - it's just a crush," I said, hearing her voice echo in my head with those same words. Bella shook her head. "I was shocked when Renee swallowed that one. I know you know better."

Do I? "That's the beautiful thing about being human," I said. "Things change." S he squinted at me, the smile leaving her face. "Don't hold your breath," she sai d. I was chuckling at her choice of words when the nurse came in, holding a syri nge. "Excuse me," she said brusquely, brushing me aside. Too much excitement isn 't good for her, but she's not my daughter boyfriends shouldn't be allowed in hos pitals I had moved to the end of the small room and leaned against the wall, watc hing Bella calmly as the nurse injected the drug into her tube. "Here you go, ho ney. You'll feel better now." "Thanks," she said, mumbling the word insincerely. "That ought to do it," the nurse said as she and I both observed Bella's eyes d rooping with sleep. Then she quickly left the room. I was beside Bella in an ins tant stroking her bruised face gently before she fell completely asleep. Her eye lids fluttered open for a moment as she spoke one slurred word. "Stay" "I will," I said assuring her, but wanting to be truthful at the same time. "Like I said, as long as it makes you happyas long as it's what's best for you." The pucker app eared between her eyes as she slowly tried to shake her head. "'s not the same t hing," she said heavy with sleep. I laughed quietly. "Don't worry about that now , Bella. You can argue with me when you wake up." She half smiled. "'Kay." Leani ng close to whisper in her ear, I said. "I love you." She would never understand just how much. "Me, too." "I know," I said, chuckling again. She turned her hea d toward me, her eyes were closed again, but I knew what she wanted and touched my lips gently to hers. "Thanks." She sighed. "Any time." The muscles in her fac e had gone slack, but suddenly she seemed to pull herself awake, though her eyes were still closed. "Edward?" "Yes?" "I'm betting on Alice," she said and then f ell asleep. Watching Bella sleep peacefully, I thought of the love that I felt f or this small, frail human, and it overwhelmed me with its fierce protectiveness . She was betting on Alice, but I would be eternally grateful that I hadn't beli eved Alice's visions needed to come true. If I had, Bella would have died many m onths ago.

Bella couldn't understand how much I loved her. She didn't see the sacrifice I m ade for her at every moment; fighting back every inhuman instinct that I had, wa nting her to live a full human life with everything I could never give her, watc hing her grow gracefully older, each moment more beautiful than the last. I wish ed again that I could be human for Bella. To grow and change with her, seeing ou r children, a small part of each of us blended together, the perfect manifestati on of our love. I would never experience this heaven with her, but she could liv e a long and happy life with me. I could see her grow and change and mature, lov ing each moment of her existence. Even from a distance, if she meets someone els e and wants a family, I would give her up. I loved her too deeply to do anything less, but how many years would I have with her? Could I protect her from the da ngers in my world? I thought again of what Carlisle had said to me. "You don't k now what good can come from this, from your love for Bella. Have faith" But what did that mean? Even though I could believe in the possibility that the creator o f the world had stopped me from killing Bella as I pulled the venom from her vei ns, I couldn't believe that this same deity would sanction the elimination of he r soul. It seemed to mean nothing to Bella. I doubted that she even considered w hat it would mean to give up her soul in exchange for me, and what would happen if she did become a vampire and saw me with new eyes? If she saw me without bein g human and no longer felt the impact of the attractive ploys that were meant to draw our victims to us, what would she think? I could never know if that was th e only reason she loved me now, and if I agreed to turn her and her love for me changed, all of my fears would come to pass. I'd be dooming her to an eternal de pression. I knew she loved me, but if I were human, would it be the same for her ? If she were a vampire, would she love me the same as she does now? There was n o change in her that woul make me d love her any less. But I've been existing fo r over 100 years, and read the minds of every human and vampire that I was ever near. Bella was so young and there was much that she couldn't understand. Now th at I knew she wanted to become one of us, I was even more afraid for her life, f or her eternal life, and humanity. I wasn't telling the whole truth when I told her that I wasn't sorry that Carlisle had changed me. Though it was true that I wouldn't change what he did, I'd seen the look in my mothe eyes r's through his memory and couldn't be sorry for his decision. What wasn't fully true was that I wasn't giving anything up. I had lost something. My soul is gone. I know that, and I would never experience the heaven that I believed in. I could not take tha t away from Bella. If I loved her less, I could give her what she wanted, but th is her humanity, her soul, and heaven in exchange for eternal hell with me? I'm n ot worth it. I couldn't think of a blacker, more self-centered sin than that. Sh e would not give up her wish or her faith in Alice's vision. I knew her stubborn ness too well to believe it possible, but I wouldn't allow it to happen.

And just as I'd protected Bella at every moment that I knew her, from me, from o ther humans, from vampires, now I would protect her from herself. Epilogue: An O ccasion "Bella, stop moving. It's not going to hurt. It's just foundation!" You' d think I was smearing a radioactive byproduct on her skin. I saw the expression on Bella's face through Alice's mind and had to agree with her assessment. I ha ven't heard your car yet, Edward, and you'd better be out of here in two seconds Alice's mental orders stopped when she saw Emmett poke his head around the door. "Hey, don't put that on her!" Emmett's eyes twinkled with mirth as he spoke, an d I saw Bella from a new perspective through his mind before I drove out of the driveway. "If you cover her face with that, I won't get to see her blushing!" "E mmett!" They both said. "Get out!" Emmett's mirth echoed through my mind as I dr ove away. I smiled at how he had taken to Bella in the last few months, like his own favorite little sister. He enjoyed teasing her and laughing at her human re actions almost as much as I had at first. Before I left, I had promised Alice th at I wouldn't drive over 100 mph to pick up the corsage that I'd ordered in Port Angeles. This was supposed to give her exactly the right amount of time to dres s-up Bella. I thought it was a little silly for Alice to banish me while Bella g ot ready, but Alice loved surprises - and what could I do when she insisted? I'd seen the vision that she'd had of Bella enjoying herself at prom but knew bette r than to outright say where I was taking her tonight. She would enjoy it. Alice had seen that, and I didn't want my presence in Bella's life to take anything a way from her. I wanted her to enjoy every normal human activity, and prom was an important right of passage. I'd thrown my tux on before leaving the house to sa ve time, but as I entered the florist shop, I wondered if that had been the best decision. Wow gorgeous Close your mouth you idiot. The girl behind the counter wa s gaping at me as I walked up to her. "I ordered a corsage, under the name of Cu llen," I said, looking away from her batting eyes. I had no desire to encourage anyone by looking into their eyes, even to get my own way as I once had. "Yes, o f course." She fluttered to the back of the store where the cooler was, to retri eve it. Wow I've never seen I didn't dream why do I have to work in the one place w here all the guys that come in here are unavailable? I ignored her thoughts afte r that by turning my mind to the flowers around me. I couldn't help but see thei r meanings as I looked at them. In the time that I was human the language of flo wers was as understood as texting and all the abbreviations that go with it are now. Messages were relayed and understood in such a beautiful manner. Shakespear e punctuated his plays with these messages as well; now, they're almost complete ly missed by the modern eye. I s aw an elaborate bouquet of yellow roses on disp lay and understood why the floral industry would not want their original meaning of unfaithfulness to be known. Red roses were pretty generally understood even now to signify true love - but had turned into a clich. Everyone on Valentine's D ay would get their sweetheart red roses-and it meant nothing several months late r when they would break up. Lavender, devotion, was much undervalued in the rela tionships that I saw around me. I glanced at the pot of white lilies signifying purity, and the potted cactus next to it, endurance. My eyes swept

the room and I saw anivy plant, fidelity, and a begonia plant saying beware. Euc alyptus, protection, encircled wreaths and hung from the walls. Warnings and dec larations were all around me like giant neon signs, and suddenly the girl came f rom the back of the shop holding a clear corsage box. Three delicate white orchi ds. Nothing more, no ribbons, no greenery. It didn't need to say more. It was "Be autiful," I said, taking the box from her and turning to walk out of the door. I 'd already paid over the phone and didn't want to stay there any longer in my tu x. Not with her gaping at me. Her incoherent thoughts were not something I wante d to dwell on, and any moment away from Be lla would always be more painful now than even the burning fire of the venom when I was changed. I pushed the car sli ghtly past Alice's speed limit, but when I got back to the house, the others wer e just about to drive away. See you there! Alice grinned at me through the windo w of Rosalie's car. Bella's waiting for you inside. I appreciated the moment alo ne with Bella, and when I stepped into the room, she was standing by the stairs holding onto the banister. She didn't seem to hear me at first- her nervous expr ession didn't waver as I watched her. For a moment, I was unable to move. I had imagined this once, of what it would be like to take her to a dance, and this im possible moment was here. I barely noticed the style of her dress, or how Alice had arranged her hair. Everything about her appearance made her look only more l ike herself. Simply emphasizing the beauty and grace that I always saw and that she never seemed to be able to acknowledge. "Hello," I said quietly and slowly w alked over to her. Somehow the wisps of blue chiffon that I couldn't seem to foc us on made her look even more fragile than usual, more delicate, more precious. The layers of fabric clung to her shape like water clings to a fountain, each sl ight movement that she made, so graceful in her stillness, made her look all the more alive and vibrant. Her mouth fell open when she looked at me, and I had to smile. I was glad that she was at least a little stunned by me as I always was by her beauty. I hoped her thoughts were as incoherent as the shop girls'. "Wow y ou look good." "What, with this?" I joked gesturing at my tux. "It's hardly adequ ate compared to how beautiful you are looking tonight." I felt underdressed sudd enly and couldn't take my eyes from hers. "I have something for you," I said and , taking the flowers from their box, I pinned them into her elaborate curls whil e ignoring Bella's protests. She wasn't used to being taken care of and to have someone cherish her, but that didn't mean I would stop. "Come with me. We're goi ng to be late," I said, helping her to the door and down the stairs. Her eyes na rrowed at my words as we walked, but she let me help her into the car. She ginge rly lifted her heavy walking cast in last. A twinge of pain hit me every time I saw her injury, and I wondered how much it still hurt her. The plaster had been removed, and she no longer needed crutches or Alice's help to shower, but it sti ll must hurt her even in the new cast. I could ask her if she was in pain but kn ew that she would deny it even if she were. My thoughts turned to her grim expre ssion as I entered the car. "At what point exactly are you going to tell me what 's going on?" She looked grumpy, and I wondered if she really didn't know. "I'm shocked that you haven't figured it out yet." I smiled teasingly, and her breath caught; her heartbeat sped.

"I did mention that you looked very nice, didn't I?" she asked, as if she couldn 't remember. "Yes." I grinned again. As I drove, her appreciative expression tur ned quickly into a frown again. "I'm not coming over anymore if Alice is going t o treat me like Guinea Pig Barbie when I do," Bella said, picking at the frills on her dress. A dark cloud seemed to hover over her annoyance as she turned her head, glaring at her bare shoulder and tried to pull the off-the-shoulder style up higher. I smiled to myself but didn't want to offend her. Bella's fury was al most as much fun to witness as seeing her looking like this. The phone rang sudd enly, and I looked at the ID, surprised at the name. "Hello, Charlie," I said wa rily, wondering if he'd changed his mind about how late Bella would be allowed t o stay out with me. As I'd predicted, he'd been very angry with me and had impos ed curfews and visiting hours that hadn't existed before. He was right of course , all that had happened was my fault, but his phone call wasn't about any of tha t. "Seems like someone didn't get the memo about who was taking Bella to prom." Charlie's voice barely veiled the humor behind his words. "A kid named Tyler is here, waiting for her." "You're kidding!" I couldn't help but laugh. How Tyler c ould be so delusional was beyond me. "What is it?" Bella asked. I shook my head at her and said, "Why don't you let me talk to him?" I suppose I should feel sor ry for him, but he brought it on himself. Bella had never said yes to him, and w e'd obviously been a couple ever since spring break. "Hello?" Tyler's voice soun ded slightly hopeful, and I knew I would have to squash that hope immediately. " Hello, Tyler, this is Edward Cullen. I'm sorry if there's been some kind of misc ommunication, but Bella is unavailable tonight." I tried to make my words sound friendly, but then decided that a character like this needed a more obvious disc ouragement since he hadn't been able to take even the not-so-subtle hints. "To b e perfectly honest," I said more coldly, "she'll be unavailable every night, as far as anyone besides myself is concerned. No offense. And I'm sorry about your evening." I wasn't sorry in the least as a matter of fact, and I snapped the pho ne shut b efore he could say anything. I probably liked that a little too much, and when I felt the heat of Bella's blush and heard her heart beat quicken, I wi ped the smirk off my face and turned to look into her angry, tear-filled eyes. " Was that last part a bit too much? I didn't mean to offend you." After all, I di dn't want to control her life- I just wanted to be apart of it. She brushed off my comment with a wave of her hand. "You're taking me to the prom!" The velocity of her accusation shocked me. How could she truly be this surprised? I remember ed Alice's vision of Bella enjoying the dance. Bella's lips were pressed tightly together, and she was glaring narrowly at me. I had the feeling that if she wer e given the chance, she'd try to bolt from the car and probably trip and hurt he rself. Not to mention miss out on a wonderful experience. I matched her hard exp ression with one of my own and said, "Don't be difficult, Bella." Her eyes flick ed to the window. We were halfway there, and the anger in her face flickered wit h a hint of fear. "Why are you doing this to me?" The tone in her voice was full of horror and mortification. Why couldn't she trust me? I wouldn't force her to do something that she wouldn't enjoy. I gestured at my tux. "Honestly, Bella, w hat did you think we were doing?"

She didn't answer me, but tears were rolling down her face, and she quickly brus hed them away and looked out the window. "This is completely ridiculous. Why are you crying?" I asked, frustrated and confused. "Because I'm mad!" "Bella," I sa id gently, looking deeply into her eyes and hoping I could dazzle her into forge tting her anger. "What?" she asked, her eyes unfocused for a moment. "Humor me." I held her gaze and saw the fury melt from her eyes. "Fine. I'll go quietly. Bu t you'll see. I'm way overdue for more bad luck. I'll probably break my other le g. Look at this shoe! It's a death trap!" Bella moved the folds of her skirt and pointed at her leg wrapped in ribbons from the one high heel. With such an invi tation as this, I allowed my eyes to linger on the curve of her ankle and calf l onger than was entirely proper. "Hmmm. Remind me to thank Alice for that tonight ." "Alice is going to be there?" "With Jasper, and Emmettand Rosalie," I said, ho ping that the fact that Rosalie would be there wouldn't bother her. Rosalie main ly ignored her, but as nice as it was for me to have Rosalie ignore me and mainl y keep her thoughts on anything else but my relationship with Bella, I knew that Rosalie's rudeness bothered Bella. Probably more than she let on. Bella shook h er head and suddenly asked, "Is Charlie in on this?" The tone of her voice sound ed like she was accusing a traitor of mutiny. I grinned. "Of course," I said and then chuckled quietly. "Apparently Tyler wasn't, though." I heard Bella's teeth grinding together, but she said nothing as we drove up to the school. I parked across the lot from Rosalie's red convertible and got out of the car to open Bel la's door. The sun was setting, and a few beams of golden light shown through th e c louds. It was a stark contrast to the cloudy expression that Bella wore when I opened her door. Her arms were crossed in front of her, and she looked as if she wished she could glue herself to the seat. Her stormy expression didn't wave r as she knew I couldn't forcefully take her from the car with so many people in the parking lot. Not that I would have regardless. I sighed. "When someone want s to kill you, you're as brave as a lion- and then when someone mentions dancing" I shook my head. Bella gulped and the stubbornness that emanated from her turne d to fear. Her breathing accelerated, and her heart sped. I was so in tune with her now, that I could easily sense her moods just by the rhythm of her heart and lungs. "Bella," I said soothingly, "I won't let anything hurt you - not even yo urself." I'd promised that to myself when she was in the hospital, and it applie d to so many things. She looked up at me, still doubtful, and I said, "I won't l et go of you once, I promise." The storm that had been brewing dissipated, and m y own personal sun was shining again as she looked up at me. "There, now," I sai d gently as I leaned down and wrapped my arm around her waist, "it won't be so b ad." Helping her from the car, I kept my arm tightly around her as we walked tow ard the

school. Bella still limped slightly even as I supported her weight, and it tore at the guilt that I would always feel for her injuries. She wouldn't miss out on this experience because of her broken leg. Not because of what I'd done to her. My goal tonight was to make her forget about it and to enjoy this human experie nce without me getting in the way. We walked slowly toward the gym partly for Be lla's sake and partly for my own. These were the times when I desperately wished I couldn't read minds. The thoughts of every human echoed through my head, and I heard the music playing on the speakers from each of the hundred minds in the crowded gym. It was more difficult to ignore the mental assault in situations li ke this. The panic, fear, insecurity, smugness, jealousy, and anger were stronge r on nights like these. The Cullens are such freaks. Why would anyone want to da nce on the same floor with them anyway. He isn't going to ask me not that I want him to How could I dance near Rosalie? My dress looks like a rag compared to hers . I looked through their minds at my family then as they twirled gracefully arou nd each other as if they were in a competition. I realized suddenly that Emmett and Jasper did have a competition of sorts going, but Alice and Rosalie weren't supposed to know about it. Many of the thoughts coming from each female in the r oom were focused on Rosalie. Jealous, envious, or impressed every girl seemed to lose a measure of self-esteem when they looked at her. It was silly in my opini on. Rosalie's overly revealing red dress was too much like her car. Ostentatious . It bothered me how many girls in the room wanted to emulate her. If they only new how shallow their desires were, how the attraction that they wanted to posse ss was already within their reach, and how they would only be attracting the boy s that they didn't admire if they copied Rosalie's style, perhaps they would see her for what she was. The fantasies in almost every mind of each boy in the roo m were even more irritating to me. Th ey kept thinking of the next step. Will sh e let me kiss her tonight? I wonder if she'd push me away if I moved my hand far ther down her back. Often their thoughts weren't put into words. It annoyed me t hat most of them couldn't just enjoy what they had right now. Enjoy the moment t hey were in. Cherish the girl resting on their arm. When we walked into the lame ly decorated gym, Bella stared up at the cheesy balloon arches and started giggl ing behind her hand. "This looks like a horror movie waiting to happen she ," wh ispered to me as she tried to suppress her snickers. I couldn't disagree with he r, but thought of a different reason than the decorations. "Well," I whispered, "There are more than enough vampires present." I brought Bella slowly toward the ticket table while I tried to focus my thoughts only on her. She leaned conspir atorially over to me and whispered. "Do you want me to bolt the doors so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?" "And where do you fit into that scheme?" I glared at her, wondering how she could always joke about something so wrong. " Oh, I'm with the vampires, of course." My returning smile was reluctant as I con sidered the damage my life had done to hers. "Anything to get out of dancing," I said, trying to make a joke of it as well.

She nodded. "Anything." I bought our tickets and turned Bella toward the dance f loor; the closer we got to the dancing couples the tighter she held me and the s lower her feet moved. "I've got all night," I said in warning as I continued to drag her slowly forward. I couldn't just whisk her along with me as I wanted to with so many witnesses watching us, but eventually I'd moved her into the center of the floor near to where my brother and sisters were dancing. "Edward," Bella said, whispering hoarsely. "I honestly can't dance!" Her face was whiter than u sual, and horror clouded her eyes. "Don't worry, silly," I said quietly back. "I can." Grinning, I put her arms around my neck and gently picked her up so that I could slide my feet under her own. I listened to the music and disregarded it, choosing to waltz instead. I'd realized what contest my brothers had been engag ed in without their wives' knowledge. It was " dance in a style that is the most opposite to the music" or something to that effect, and I decided to do the sam e. As we whirled around the room, Bella slowly began to smile, and her eyes twin kled. Finally she laughed and said, "I feel like I'm five years old." "You don't look five," I said deeply. More glad than I could say that she was mine right n ow. I pulled her closer to me as we moved across the floor. See, Edward, exactly as I said. She loves it! Alice was ecstatic that Bella was enjoying herself and smiled at her as they caught each other's eye. Bella smiled back and Alice's th oughts were smug. I knew Bella couldn't dislike my makeover as much as she'd com plained about it. I decided not to mention to Alice how upset Bella had been in the car. Why burst her bubble? Just walk in, it's no big deal. A little prom cra shing that's all. Geez, why did he want me to do this? How badly do I want to em barrass myself just for a bribe? Right, I wanted to see Bella, didn't I? "Okay, this isn't half-bad," Bella said, but I barely heard her. I was watching Jacob B lack enter the room. He was staring at Bella, wondering if he should approach us now or wait till after the song. Man, he's wearing a tux. How can I compete wit h a rich, handsome, older guy in a tux. I must look like a turd. "What is it?" B ella asked me and then turned her head to see what I was looking at. Wow, she lo oks fantastic. I'm such an idiot. She's going to hate me after this. Jacob began to cross over to us, and I saw Bella's expression through his mind, turning fro m surprise to pity. Maybe if she knows how embarrassing this is for me, she won' t hate me too much. She looks like she wouldn't mind dancing with me. I wouldn't mind her hating me forever if I get to hold her for a few minutes with the way she's looking tonight. I couldn't help the quiet growl that rumbled in my chest when I heard his thoughts, but Bella turned on me. "Behave!" she said. "He wants to chat with you." I couldn't help but be annoyed that his intrusion was going to make me break my promise to Bella, but I couldn't very well toss him across t he room. He needed to just say what he came to say and be gone. This is so stupi d, Jacob thought and was barely able to meet Bella's eyes through his embarrassm ent as he walked up to us. "Hey, Bella, I was hoping you would be here." And als o not hoping you would be here. I can't believe I'm doing this

"Hi, Jacob." Bella smiled encouragingly at him. "What's up?" "Can I cut in?" Jac ob asked, looking at me for the first time since he entered the room. Man, he do esn't look like he wants to leave her, but I can't blame him If I were in his sho es, I wouldn't want to let go of her either. I didn't say anything and tried to keep my jealously from showing on my face as I set Bella on her own feet and ste pped back. "Thanks," Jacob said and smiled appreciatively. His mind was more int eresting than Mike Newton's, but letting Bella go to anyone else was not somethi ng I particularly wanted to be thanked for. I just nodded, however, and searched Bella's face for a moment before walking to stand next to the wall. She didn't seem to remember my promise or mind at all that his hands were now around her wa ist. I listened to his smug thoughts as he thought she'd sounded impressed at ho w tall he was getting. That's something you say to children, right? It shouldn't bother me. Why was I seething with anger then? Why does she keep wearing that f unny perfume? Jacob's mind registered my scent that was lingering around Bella, and I felt an odd pleasure. Perhaps it was the predatory instinct in me that mad e me feel so uncontrollably possessive. I knew that I should learn to control th is side of me, but I was enjoying the fact that somehow I had left evidence of s ome sort of claim on her. On another level of my reaction, my possessiveness bot hered me and reminded me of my inhumanity. Humans don't claim a mate like vampir es do. If Bella had felt that way with me, she wouldn't be able to calmly hold h im like she was. But her actions weren't inhuman; mine were. "Well, I hope you'r e enjoying yourself, at least." I overheard Bella say to him, "Seen anything you like?" She nodded toward a group of girls lined up like brightly colored flower s against the wall of the gym. "Yeah." You. He sighed. "But she's taken." Do I w ant her to know I meant her? I watched through Jacob's eyes as he looked down at Bella. Seeing the confusion and then understanding before they both looked away from each other. Bella had blushed and Jacob was embarrassed. I'm glad she know s I like her even if she just thinks of me as a friend. He fingered the wisps of chiffon clinging around her waist as they awkwardly swayed to the music, and I suddenly realized that I'd ground my fingertips a quarter of an inch into the br ick wall behind me. "You look really pretty, by the way," Jacob said shyly. He m ight as well have not said anything if that was the best compliment he could com e up with. Not that I wanted him to compliment her at all. It was exasperating. "Um, thanks. So why did Billy pay you to come here?" Bella asked quickly, and I hoped Jacob would answer just as quickly so that he could leave sooner. "He said it was a 'safe' place to talk to you. I swear the old man is losing his mind." Jacob laughed at his own joke, and Bella joined in weakly. "Anyway, he said that if I told you something, he would get me that cylinder I need." His sheepish gr in must have added some amount of likeability in Bella's eyes. "Tell me, then. I want you to get your car finished." Bella grinned back at him, and I watched he r expression, careful to keep my own feelings concealed. Just because I felt thi s possessive toward her didn't mean it was right. She glanced at me, and I caref ully kept my expression neutral. "Don't get mad, okay?" I can't keep stalling li ke this just spit it out. "There's no way I'll be mad at you, Jacob. I won't even be mad at Billy. Just say what you have to."

"Well-this is so stupid, I'm sorry, Bella-" His words came out in one breath. "H e wants you to break up with your boyfriend. He asked me to tell you 'please.'" Crazy old man anyone can see the Cullen's aren't vampires. Jacob shook his head, more disgusted with his own part in this than even his Dad wanting Bella to brea k up with me over a 'superstition.' "He's still superstitious, eh?" "Yeah." Man, I'm glad she's taking this so well "He waskind of over the top when you got hurt down in Phoenix." That's an understatement "He didn't believe" Yeah, I don't need to give her the gruesome details. Jacob remembered some of Billy's mumblings and felt self-conscious as Bella's eyes narrowed at him. "I fell," she said evenly. "I know that," Jacob answered quickly. "He thinks Edward had something to do wi th me getting hurt." Oh, great, she is mad now. Jacob couldn't meet her eyes, an d he'd stopped trying to sway with the music as their conversation got more inte nse. "Look, Jacob, I know Billy probably won't believe this, but just so you kno w-" Jacob looked at her then, registering the intensity of her words. "Edward re ally did save my life. If it weren't for Edward and his father, I'd be dead." "I know," he said. At least I know now. Wow she's really intense. I've been listeni ng to my Dad too much. Not that I could convince him of anything different. "Hey , I'm sorry you had to come do this, Jacob." Bella's angry expression left as qu ickly as it had come, and now she was apologizing to him. Her generosity knew no bounds. "At any rate, you get your parts, right?" "Yeah." If I tell her the res t of the message. He thought with even more embarrassment. "There's more?" "Forg et it," he said, mumbling quietly. "I'll get a job and save the money myself." T hat would be better than losing her friendship for life. "Just spit it out, Jaco b." "It's so bad." "I don't care. Tell me." Great. "Okay but, geez, this sounds b ad." He shook his head. "He said to tell you, no, to warn you, that - and this i s his plural, not mine" he removed a hand from her waist and added air quotes to his words. "'We'll be watching.'" Jacob watched Bella anxiously, his mind in tur moil for a few seconds as he was horrified at his own words. Air quotes? Why did I do that? It makes it sound so perverted. I shouldn't have even come What? Why is she laughing? "Sorry you had to do this, Jake," Bella said still chuckling. I supposed it could be funny if there wasn't so much truth in the warning. Person ally, I couldn't laugh at his words. "I don't mind that much." The relief in Jac ob's mind was almost palpable, as he heard her laughter, he grinned at her. Her reaction also seemed to make him more confident, and he allowed

himself a quick appraising glance from her bare shoulders down her dress. Gettin g to see her like this was worth the humiliation, he thought, and I grew more im patient for him to be gone. He grinned when his eyes met hers again. "So, should I tell him you said to butt the hell out?" His tone was hopeful, but his mind w as that of a comrade. I didn't have to like him, but I couldn't be angry either if I was being fair. He thought of her as a kindred-spirit, which was much bette r than all of Bella's school friends, except Angela Webber. But I wasn't being f air, and I didn't feel any inclination to reward him as I'd done for Angela. Wit h any guy that liked Bella, there were naturally other rules that applied betwee n us. I heard the music winding toward its ending and began to walk over to them . "No." Bella sighed. "Tell him I said thanks. I know he means well." When the s ong ended, Bella dropped her arms, but Jacob didn't. He glanced down at her cast . "Do you want to dance again? Or can I help you get somewhere?" "That's all rig ht, Jacob," I said. "I'll take it from here." I'd surprised him, and he flinched at my words, his eyes were wide. "Hey, I didn't see you there." I wish she woul d break up with him, but I suppose that would be too much to ask for. Anyway, sh e seems happy enough. "I guess I'll see you around, Bella." Probably not, but I can dream, can't I? Bella smiled at him as he let go of her, and said, "Yeah, I 'll see you later." "Sorry," Jacob said to her again before he turned and walked toward the door. I wound my arms around Bella again and put her on my feet as t he next song began to play. An up-tempo number began, and I happily danced even slower to keep up with Jasper and Emmett's little game. Wish I could have stayed with her longer right, dream on Jacob "Feeling better?" Bella said, a teasing twin kle in her eye. "Not really," I admitted as I listened to Jacob's thoughts fade away into the parking lot. "Don't be mad at Billy." Bella sighed indulgently. "H e just worries about me for Charlie's sake. It's nothing personal." "I'm not mad at Billy." I'd already gone through and still go through my own fears for Bella that happened to be the same as Billy's, and his assumptions were more on targe t than it seemed could be possible. No, it wasn't Billy. "But his son is irritat ing me." She pulled away from me and looked at my expression. Her eyes were simp ly curious and a little surprised. Of course, she wouldn't think anyone would fi nd her attractive. She never had before. "Why?" "First of all, he made me break my promise." She still looked confused and I explained. "I promised I wouldn't l et go of you tonight." I halfsmiled at her but was still annoyed. "Oh. Well, I f orgive you."

"Thanks. But there's something else." I frowned wondering what part of what he s aid or thought that had annoyed me I should actually tell her. I decided to only mention the thing that he'd said out loud. "He called you pretty," I said, my f rown deepening. "That's practically an insult, the way you look right now. You'r e much more than beautiful." Bella laughed. "You might be a little biased." "I d on't think that's it. Besides, I have excellent eyesight." Too many of the boys in the room were wishing they were in my place, not that she'd believe me if I t old her that. I wouldn't tell her regardless. None of them were worthy of her as I'd always known since I'd known Bella at all. Acknowledging their repulsive th oughts was giving them too much credence. I held her close as we twirled, pushin g my annoyance aside and following my own adv ice of enjoying the moment. It was n't hard to do when Bella was in my arms. I had dreamed of this moment, not beli eving at the time that it could be possible. I happened to catch the thoughts of Angela and Ben as we moved past them and was grateful that at least one human c ouple was blissfully in love in all of these discontented minds. I smiled when I remembered my own part in that romance, and was glad that Ben was worthy of Ang ela. Their thoughts mirrored my own, and I wondered what Bella could be thinking right now. "So are you going to explain the reason for all of this?" Bella aske d. I looked down at her, confused and slightly hurt. Wasn't she enjoying herself ? She seemed to be, even in spite of the interruption. Then she glared meaningfu lly at the crepe paper decorations. Right. She had been utterly shocked at where I was taking her, even though the date of the prom was pasted on practically ev ery wall of the school. Even though we were obviously dressed up for a special o ccasion. I needed to know what she'd been expecting and wanted to leave the nois e and buzzing thoughts of the crowd behind me while we talked. I changed our dir ection and danced toward the exit. We passed Jessica and Mike on our way to the door. Jessica was merely curious as to where I was taking Bella, and they smiled at each other as Jessica waved quickly. Mike's repulsive thoughts took a differ ent turn when he saw that I was leading Bella toward a secluded location. I quic kly ignored his thoughts, wishing that I hadn't grown so accustomed to tuning in to their minds. It made ignoring them much harder. Soon we were outside, and I g ently picked Bella up, cradling her in my arms to give her leg a rest and took h er to a bench beneath a madrone tree. The fading light of the sunset made the cl ouds around the moon glow slightly pink. I stared at the moon, still cradling Be lla in my lap as I sat on the bench. "The point?" she said softly. "Twilight, ag ain," I said sadly. "Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end." I knew my time with her would have to end, but I selfishly didn't want it to. "Some things don't have to end," Bella said through her teeth, her t one was suddenly tense, and I knew that this could be an opening for the same ol d argument. I turned the conve rsation to her original question. "I brought you to the prom," I said slowly, looking into her warm eyes, "because I don't want y ou to miss anything. I don't want my presence to take anything away from you, if I can help it. I want you to be human. I want your life to continue as it would have if I'd died in nineteen-eighteen like I should have."

She shuddered when I said that and then shook her head, anger seeping into her v oice. "In what strange parallel dimension would I ever have gone to prom of my o wn free will? If you weren't a thousand times stronger than me, I would never ha ve let you get away with this." I smiled briefly, always amused at her fury. "It wasn't so bad, you said so yourself." Maybe she needed me to help her see the i mportance of these human experiences? Or maybe that was just another excuse to p rolong my time with her. "That's because I was with you." I stared up at the moo n again and felt her staring at me. I didn't know what to say to her. I wanted t o be with her forever, but I knew this was better. Why couldn't she appreciate w hat we had now? I wondered if it was just another human quality that vampires la cked. That innate desire to want the next thing. Maybe the drive was a good thin g, or maybe it just made everyone discontent. At least they had the possibility of something better. My discontentment came in the fact that I never would chang e. Perhaps that was part of the curse of our existence. To always want the next thing, but knowing, for us, it was never possible. Suddenly, curiosity got the b etter of me and I had to ask. "Will you tell me something?" I looked down at her and smiled slightly. "Don't I always?" "Just promise you'll tell me," I said in sistently, my smile widening. "Fine," she said in resignation. "You seemed hones tly surprised when you figured out that I was taking you here" "I was." "Exactly, but you must have had some other theory I'm curious: what did you think I was dr essing you up for?" She pursed her lips and her breathing hesitated. "I don't wa nt to tell you." "You promised." "I know." "What's the problem?" "I think it wil l make you mad - or sad," she said quietly. Be that as it may, I needed to know what she was thinking more than I needed anything on this earth. "I still want t o know. Please?" She sighed, and I knew that she would tell me. She just needed to order her words. I waited. "Well I assumed it was some kind of occasion. But I didn't think it would be some trite, human thing prom!" She scoffed on the last w ord, looking irritable again. "Human?" I asked. What sort of inhuman occasion wo uld I take her to? I wondered what she'd imagined. It was ridiculous how mortals glorified our lives as if we were just happily living forever.

"Okay," she finally said in a rush. "So I was hoping that you might have changed your mind that you were going to change me, after all." I didn't know what to th ink. My mind moved from anger to pain to indignation to embarrassment. How could she think I would be so selfish? Didn't she understand how I loved her at all? Imagine dressing up for such a gruesome occasion, black funeral attire would be more accurate. She didn't know that my eyes would show the evidence of her trans formation just as much as her eyes would change. What would her father think of her disappearance - let alone the tribe since they'd 'be watching' her. I didn't know how to answer her but managed to control my outrage and think of the humor of the situation instead. "You thought that would be a black tie occasion, did you?" I teased and fingered the apel of my l tux. She scowled at me and blushed. "I don't know how these things work. To me, at least, it seemed more rational t han prom does." I was still grinning, thinking of the ludicrousness of how she v iewed prom and her skewed image of vampirism. "It's not funny," she said. "No, y ou're right, it's not." My smile slid from my face. "I'd rather treat it like a joke, though, than believe you're serious." "But I am serious." I sighed deeply. "I know. And you're really that willing?" She bit her lip and nodded, and that gesture, her biting her lip, always something that she did when she was anxious hurt me more than anything. Even if that obvious apprehension wasn't evident in her face right now, I was afraid that she would blame me for eternity for taking her soul. I couldn't stand that thought, the pain of her rejection when she fou nd out what my damned existence was truly like. "So ready for this to be the end ," I said almost to myself, "for this to be the twilight of your life, though yo ur life has barely started. You're ready to give up everything." "It's not the e nd. It's the beginning," she said under her breath. Her reactions were always ba ckwards. I stared for a moment at the orchids that I'd pinned to her hair. They had no scent, at least not one that a human could detect, the intricacies of the blossom were enough to draw insects and people to them. They often grew in the most unlikely of places, some even blossomed underground, so fascinating, so sec retive. I couldn't help but relate the delicate bl ssom with Bella o herself. It meant 'beauty' just as her name did, and even if Bella's scent hadn't drawn me to herself, I knew that I would have come to her all the same. Just as the orchi d's intricacies fascinated an observer without any scent at all, Bella would hav e drawn me to herself in the same way. But I was painfully aware of her scent, o f my reaction to that scent, of who I am. "I'm not worth it," I said. How I wish ed I were, but even if I could be worthy of her giving everything up to be with me, I loved her too much to allow it. How could I say I truly loved her if I wan ted her any different than how she was right now? Why couldn't she see that I re fused to turn her because I loved her too much to be that selfish? "Do you remem ber when you told me that I didn't see myself very clearly?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "You obviously have the same blindness." "I know what I am," I sai d quietly. She deserved so much more. Even though I wished for her understanding , I was glad in a way that she couldn't understand the wars that I constantly fo ught with myself, but just because she couldn't understand them didn't mean they weren't there.

Bella sighed, and I suddenly wanted to get this conversation over with. I wanted to call her bluff. She couldn't truly be ready to be poisoned with this interna l war, and I would find out. "You're ready now, then?" I asked probing her face for a sign that she would back down. "Um." She gulped. "Yes?" I smiled, sensing in her reaction that she would tell me to stop and slowly bent my head down so t hat my lips brushed against the soft skin under her jaw. Her pulse sped and the warmth of her blood just under her skin seemed to call even more strongly to me. "Right now?" I said, whispering into her neck. She shivered as my breath washed over her. Her breathing was erratic, and she was rigid in my arms; her hands we re tightly clenched into small fists, but she said, "Yes," and her whispered ans wer had left the question mark behind. I leaned closer to her neck, brushing my lips across her throat. She didn't move away from me or say anything else. She w asn't giving up. I chuckled without humor as I leaned away from her, disappointe d that she still was so set in this decision. "You can't really believe that I w ould give in so easily," I said mockingly. "A girl can dream." Her voice sounded wistful. "Is that what you dream about? Being a monster?" I attempted to keep t he outrage out of my voice, raising my eyebrows in concern again at her mental h ealth. "Not exactly," she said, frowning at me. "Mostly I dream about being with you forever." My incredulity disappeared as I heard her words. The ache in her voice felt like my own ache. Sadness washed over me again. I wanted to give her everything, I wanted to lasso the moon if she desired it, but I couldn't do some thing so wrong. I couldn't think of a blacker sin that condemning this innocent human to a soulless life. "Bella," I said gently, lightly tracing her lips with my little finger. "I will stay with you-isn't that enough?" She smiled slightly as I continued to trace her lips. "Enough for now." I frowned. Would I never con vince her that what we had didn't need any alteration? I exhaled, almost growlin g as I pushed my frustration away. No one would surrender tonight. She put her h and on my face. "Look," she said earnestly. "I love you more than everything els e in the world combined. Isn't that enough?" "Yes, it is enough," I said, smilin g at her declaration. Each time I heard her say she loved me it felt the same as the first time I'd heard it. "Enough for forever," I said, confirming the truth . I leaned closer to her, moving my finger tips from her lips, tracing down her jaw, neck and across her shoulder. Then I pressed my lips once again to her thro at.