What

Makes the Difference? The Link Between Being Abused & Being Abusive

By Jane Gilgun

hen Josephine Bakhita saw Jesus on the cross for the first time, she asked, Who are you? Why have they put you up on the cross? She was 24 years old and a slave who had been abducted from Dafur when she was nine years old. Owned by several wealthy Italian families, Josephine understood instantly what Jesus had experienced because she had experienced similar scourgings and public dishonor. From her earliest memories, Josephine felt close to nature, enthralled with sunrises and sunsets, the night sky, flowers, trees, and the call of birds. She came from a happy, prosperous farming family, with two parents and seven sisters and brothers. Josephine forgave those who had taken her from her family, enslaved her, and abused her. She prayed for them daily. Throughout her adult life, she devoted herself to African refugees and other people who had experienced hardship. Josephine entered religious life a few years after she saw the cross. She said she came to know the God whom I had felt in my heart since I was a child without knowing who he was. Reflection I read the story of Josephine less than a week ago. I immediately wondered what the differences are between Josephine and the men and women who commit crimes of violence that bring harm to others. Some of them suffered far less than Josephine did, and some may have suffered more. Suffering in subjective, something whose meanings is known to the sufferer; so comparisons are difficult. Abductors and Slave Holders I thought of the people who owned Josephine and those who abducted her. I doubt that they suffered any more than anyone else does and certainly less than Josephine did, less than what many people in prison have suffered. Yet they committed acts that harmed Josephine and many others.

I do not believe that the slave owners and abductors commit their terrible acts because they suffered. They do what they do because they believe what they do is right. Doing what they do makes their lives better, or so they think. They did not think about the persons whose freedom they take. I see their actions as outrageous, an abomination. They obviously do not. They believe it is right and just to steal children from their families and sell them. Those who buy the children believe it is right and just to do so. They believe it is right and just to have the children work for them for no wages, but presumably for room and board. I know slave owners tell themselves how happy their slaves are. Some of them do not see slaves as fully human. Even the U.S. Constitution defines slaves as four-fifths of a person. Beliefs, Violence, and Non-Violence It is far too easy to ascribe violent acts to a history of suffering. The story of Josephine Bakhita and of countless others who have suffered but who contribute to the welfare of others invalidates this belief. Violence against other persons and other living things is based upon beliefs. Violent acts are violent beliefs turned into actions. Beliefs blind persons to the consequences of their using, abusing, and violating others. They have many reasons to justify their behaviors. They can tell heart-rendering stories of their own suffering and how what they do helps them to feel better. They cannot see the harm they cause, for the most part; some enjoy causing harm. People like Josephine see and experience vicariously the suffering of others. They feel compassion and sympathy. They work to alleviate the suffering. They believe that they and other people should not suffer. Their beliefs regarding compassion and fairness are stronger than beliefs that lead others to use and abuse. Many who have compassion for the suffering of others want to change systems of belief that allow the use and abuse of others. Like Josephine, they want to transform those who harm others into persons of compassion and fairness. They do so through non-violent ways. Beliefs, then, is the core issue in whether human beings use and abuse others or they do not; that is beliefs coupled with actions. Guidelines for Non-Violence Other-centeredness is a core quality in persons like Josephine. They have concern and compassion for others. They seek to promote the welfare of others and to transform those who commit harmful acts. Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, Dorothy Day, and Josephine Bakhita provide examples of how to do this.

As Dorothy Day said, I have long since come to believe that people never mean half of what they say, and that it is best to disregard their talk and judge only their actions. Afterword Priests and other religious who sexually abuse children are no different from other people who sexually use and abuse children and no different from child abductors and slave owners. They may wear the cloak of virtue and may indeed do many kind things for other people. They, however, use children for their own satisfaction, just like any other violent, selfish person. At the moment of their abuse, they have disconnected from the humanity and spirituality of the children they use and abuse. Like slave owners who believe slaves are happy, they may believe the children are happy to be sexual with them. Video and Audio Resources Mahatma Gandhi. Non-Violence Speech. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3tjIiWIkAQ Martin Luther King. I Have a Dream. American Rhetoric: Top 100 Speeches. http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm Websites Conflict Resolution Consortium. Non-Violent Struggle. http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/nonviolc.htm National Campaign for Non-Violent Resistance. http://www.iraqpledge.org/checklist.html Non-Violence International. http://nonviolenceinternational.net/ Voices for Creative Non-Violence. http://www.iraqpledge.org/checklist.html Source of Josephine Bakhitas Story Perry, Susan (Ed.). (2009). Holiness and the feminine spirit: The art of Janet McKenzie. Maryknoll, NY: Orbis. Other Readings Gilgun, Jane F. (2011). Evil Feels Good: Think Before You Act. http://www.scribd.com/doc/38489251/Evil-Feels-Good-Think-Before-You-Act Gilgun, Jane F. (2011). Lust, Agape, Philia, and Erotic Love: Meanings in Personal Relationships. http://www.scribd.com/doc/49713369/Lust-Agape-Philia-and-Erotic- Love-Meanings-in-Personal-Relationships Gilgun, Jane F. (2011). Why They do it: Beliefs and Emotional Gratification Lead to Violent Acts. http://www.scribd.com/doc/49713369/Lust-Agape-Philia-and-Erotic-Love- Meanings-in-Personal-Relationships