Article appeared Friday, July 29th, 2011 in The News Today, Bangladesh

The Revelation (189)

yousuf mahbubul Islam, PhD

Why do incest cases go unreported? To help understand, imagine what happens when incest is discovered and/or reported, e.g. what happens to the trust and support relationships within the family? In addition, does the victim suffer from conflicting emotions? As an example, possible problems that would arise upon incest between father and daughter are pointed out by Laura Ramirez, the author of an award-winning book on parenting {1}, Incest is a profound form of child abuse because it is a dual betrayal. Not only is the child's innocence and trust ruptured by the father whom she depends on for her safety and well-being, but the child is abandoned by the mother the one person in the world who should be willing to do whatever it takes to protect her daughter, even if it means leaving the man she (herself) depends on. Instead of taking care of her daughter's dependency needs, the selfish, frightened, deadbeat mom attends to her own. {2} In addition, Ramirez explains: One of the most devastating effects of child incest comes from the confusing constellation of feelings it creates: the incest was bad and shameful, but the act itself the attention, contact and fondling by an attentive parentmay have created sensations that made the child feel good. Due to this, a child of incest usually ends up with a strong sense of self-loathing and unworthiness. {2} Incest creates a conflict between the role of the parent as a facilitator in the process of growing up and the abuse of sexual experience. Turning to the most recent Revelation, the Qurn, we find that our Creator has created two types of relationships, one of lineage (responsibility) and one of marriage (permissable sexual relationships). It is He Who has created man from water: then has He established relationships of lineage and marriage: for your Lord has power (over all things). [25.54] Mixing or confusing these two relationships would lead to serious problems on many fronts{2}. And as for lust or deriving pleasure through sexual experiences, our Creator warns that it opens the door to many other evils: Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil opening the road (to other evils). [17.32] In fact, our Creator Allah has designed the institution of marriage to provide a safe haven to support the development of children as wholesome individuals as well as an outlet for permissable sexual pleasure with the marriage partner. And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. [30.21] To allow children to be nurtured properly as god-fearing and humble individuals in an encouraging environment of love and mercy, Allah has set rules and guidelines. Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters) until they believe; a slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman even though she allure you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: a man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever even though he allure you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire... [2.221] To protect the safe haven for children born in the wedlock from disintegrating, as much as possible, the following commandment is given: Divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly periods nor is it lawful for them to hide what Allah has created in their wombs if they have faith in Allah

and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period if they wish for reconciliation... [2.228] To keep the responsibilities arising from lineage and the facilities of marriage separate to minimise problems, the following commandments are given. Marry those among you who are single or the virtuous ones among your slaves male or female: if they are in poverty Allah will give them means out of His Grace: for Allah encompasses all and He knows all things. [24.32]

4.22 And marry not women whom your fathers married except what is past: it was shameful and odious an abominable custom indeed. 4.23 Prohibited to you (for marriage) are: your mothers daughters sisters father's sisters mother's sisters; brother's daughters sister's daughters fostermothers (who gave you suck) foster-sisters; your wives' mothers; your stepdaughters under your guardianship born of your wives to whom you have gone in no prohibition if you have not gone in; (those who have been) wives of your sons proceeding from your loins; and two sisters in wedlock at one and the same time except for what is past; for Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful. 4.24 Also (prohibited are) women already married except those whom your right hands possess. Thus has Allah ordained (prohibitions) against you: except for these all others are lawful provided you seek (them in marriage) with gifts from your property desiring chastity not lust. Seeing that you derive benefit from them give them their dowers (at least) as prescribed; but if after a dower is prescribed you agree mutually (to vary it) there is no blame on you and Allah is All-Knowing All-Wise. 4.25 If any of you have not the means to wed free believing women they may wed believing girls from among those whom your right hands possess: and Allah has full knowledge about your faith. You are one from another: wed them with the leave of their owners and give them their dowers according to what is reasonable: they should be chaste not lustful nor taking paramours: when they are taken in wedlock if they fall into shame their punishment is half that for free women. This (permission) is for those among you who fear sin; but it is better for you that you practice self-restraint: and Allah is Oft-forgiving Most Merciful. 4.26 Allah does wish to make clear to you and to show you the ordinances of those before you; and (He does wish to) turn to you (in Mercy): and Allah is AllKnowing All-Wise. 4.27 Allah does wish to turn to you but the wish of those who follow their lusts is that you should turn away (from Him) far, far away. 4.28 Allah does wish to lighten your (difficulties): for man was created weak (in flesh).
-------{1} Ramirez, L.M. (2004). Keepers of the Children: Native American Wisdom and Parenting. Walk in Peace Productions. ISBN 0974866105. {2} http://www.parenting-child-development.com/child-incest.html