Is it ego run amok? Entries from my journal, thoughts ricocheting through head today.

Those who know me wont be too surprised. Blessings ><> 7/09/2011 Quiet time this morning was so significant. (Poorly put! Time in the Word is always significant!) Read Acts 21:37 to 22:21 - Paul's speech to the mob was so compelling; he uses his hideous past as a witness of Christ's life changing power. In Psalms 40 I saw that without Christ I am like a man in a slimy pit; everything I do just muddies me all the more and try as I may, I cannot escape, I just slide back into the slime. In Christ, that is when I am close to Him, obedient, I am on a high rock; I am clean & fresh & strong, and I am in a very defensible place. Proverbs 9 was a wonderful revisit. I have always marveled at God referring to Wisdom in the feminine, and today I mused about His extreme "fairness." GOD the Father is in fact genderless. He needs no other to bring about His Creation and His oversight of it. That part of Himself which brings about our salvation is the Son (male!), so strong and protecting, nurturing, wise, like a father, an older brother, a role model. And then there is Wisdom, referred to in the feminine, She invites us in to be fed & cared for, soothed by her very presence. Her counsel is essential to our peace and fulfillment. She can be compared to mother or wife or sister; to ignore Her advice is to court failure, perhaps disaster. - - And then I considered this: Perhaps I am venturing into heresy, I pray not. The thought was most pleasing, brought tears of joy. "Is the Holy Spirit not the 'feminine' in the GOD Head? Habit compels me to refer to "Him", but the characteristics I see in "Him" embody those that I found in this life in my mother, my sister, my wife and my daughter. I am loved unconditionally, I am counseled wisely, and I am filled with such delight when I sense "Her" presence. How will I refer to the Spirit hereafter? Probably, there will be no change; but in my heart there is a newness in our relationship. There is intimacy that was not there before. Thank you Lord for opening this door today. One more thing: Why have I not picked up on this before? In Proverbs 9:13 to the end: "Folly" is also referred to in the feminine; and she too has her house on a high & prominent place in the city. She too calls out to the passerby; she too appeals to those "who are simple and lack judgment." (Compare vss 4 & 16) It is frightening when I think of it; Folly's message might well be more appealing to the simple. She speaks of stolen water and secret delights; all one has to do is follow her. But she is a spider, she leads her guests to death. Wisdom, on the other hand is not so appealing to the simple. Wisdom requires an action be taken by her guests; they must change, "leave their simple ways and walk in the way of understanding." (vs 6) Makes me wonder if there is really any hope for the truly simple, those who completely lack judgment. 7/10/2011 Today's scripture was not so "penetrating." I had to ruminate on it a bit to see the message for me. In Psalm 41 David is praising God for His defense against David's enemies, begs His forgiveness for his sins and continued protection. Proverbs 40 is a multi-faceted contrast of the wicked and the righteous. So what did I finally see? I am a man, like David, with "sin nature." I am predisposed to sin, and what I need is an "early warning system" to alert me when I have strayed into "dangerous territory." Sin might well be likened to that infection I had last August. The early warnings were barely significant, a rise in temperature, flu like symptoms, I very nearly waited too long and the thing grew to the point where I was hospitalized for weeks,; I had two heart attacks. I nearly died! It was months before I truly recovered. Sin is so much like that. It's early signs may only be a "casualness" in my conversation with God; I read a little less of His Word, I pray "just a little less. Just a dot of sarcasm may creep into my conversation. I may just be a bit unkind to Rhoda. (Justifiably so, of course!) It is all the edge of a very slippery slope, the edge of the "slimy pit." Please give me "early warning, Lord.