Sei sulla pagina 1di 4

EVOLUTION 2009 WORKSHOP 11 HOW TO CHANGE RELATIONSHIPS OUTLINE OF PRESENTATION Elements of the approach Interactional View Directives Action

tion Optimism Enchantment Respect Responsibility Humor Utilization Present, Future, Past Unit, Sequence, Hierarchy Cross Generation Coalitions Triangles and Circles - Reorganizing Tribe Family as SelfHelp Group Networks Spirituality Determinism vs. Self Determination Attempted Solutions Plan for Relationships STRATEGIES Creating a Calm Atmosphere Boundary around couple Coaching What One can do for the Other Rituals for Setting Aside the Past Creating Good Memories Statute of Limitations Fines Apologies and Reparation (Addiction Violence) Executive Meeting Steps for Marital Negotiation Prescribing symptom with small modification of context Ericksonian Steps for Prevention of Marital Violence Clarifying Loyalties FILM: CALL TO MOTHER THE SIX HUMAN NEEDS Certainty Uncertainty/Variety Significance Love/Connection Growth Contribution
1

EXERCISES (You can do these to improve any relationship: spouses, parent-child, work group, etc.) List the 6 human needs in order of importance to you Compare them internally for yourself and w/souse Take 2 top needs and list 3 vehicles Grade yourself as to how well you fulfill spouses needs Grade partner as to how well he/she fulfills your needs Change your vehicles to make it easier Change order of needs to make it easier EMOTIONS List positive & negative experienced in any given week Take positive and list in order of importance for you List 3 vehicles for each of the first three Grade yourself for how easy or hard to experience Grade yourself for how easy or hard for partner to experience Grade partner on how easy or hard to help you experience VALUES List positive values (family, integrity, wisdom, beauty, peace, etc.) List 3 vehicles for each of the first three Grade yourself for how easy or hard to experience Grade yourself for how easy or hard for partner to experience Grade partner on how easy or hard to help you experience

USEFUL QUESTIONS TO ASK COUPLES STAGES OF THE LIFE CYCLE The Courtship Period Early Marriage Childbirth and Dealing with the Young Middle Marriage Weaning Parents from Children
2

Retirement and Old Age What stages have you already gone through? What changes do you have to make to adapt and successfully navigate through the current stage? What help can you expect from others? What changes can you make in your relationship, taking into consideration the life cycle, rather than individual traits and desires? Do you have a plan from day to day, or in broad life terms? Whose plan are you following? Who pushes your buttons? Could that be the person whose plan you are following? Are you and your loved ones following the same plan or different ones? What are the repeating sequences of interaction in your relationship? What weapons do you habitually use? (These can include humor, sarcasm, criticism, teasing, threats, anger, silence, violence and so forth.) List the weapons you commonly use. Do you and your partner agree on which weapons each other uses? Are you communicating through metaphor? Could a challenge you are facing be a metaphor for a more important problem? Do you know how to communicate affection in the way your partner prefers? Is it through special words, touch, or gifts? How will you find out your partners true preferences?
3

How are your extended family, friends, co-workers involved in your relationship? What triangles are you involved in? Are they helpful or destructive? Are you involved in cross-generational coalitions? Are they detrimental? If so, who are they hurting? What hierarchies inform the relationship? Who has power over various areas of the relationship? Make a list and ask your partner to do the same. Do you and your partner agree with each others list? What areas do you wish you had control over?

Potrebbero piacerti anche