CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

ARMY OF ONE

***

‘So, what exactly do you have to show me?’ Dean Baxendale harrumphed as he escorted
one of the many members of one of the numerous research teams down a long, empty
hallway towards one of the larger labs. He would have been lying if he said he knew
which project the man was working on, they all melted into one at Central University.
All the projects, no matter what they were working on, be it groundbreaking
medical procedures, new theological formulas to explain the workings of the universe, or
even that task force assigned to develop a new kind of toaster, they all had one thing in
common.
Abject failure.
Dean Baxendale had long ago convinced himself that this was through no fault of
his own. Clearly it had to be an issue with the way the University was staffed. That had
to be it.
He was slightly nervous that he wasn’t being told what he was about to be shown.
Though the lab technician seemed excited enough so he assumed he wasn’t about to be
told that the auditorium needed a new wall like last time he was disturbed in the middle
of the night.
Or the time before that when he had been ushered outside and been horrified to
see that all of the cows on the nearby farmland were now glowing bright orange. That
had been a difficult one to explain.
He brought a hand up to rub his temples and realised he was still holding the
milk carton he had been about to open and pour into the fresh pot of coffee he had
brewed when his doorbell rang. He grumbled at the inconvenience and stowed it in his
pocket.
The pair rounded a bend in the corridor and practically burst into Lab Five. Home
of the Paradox Machine.

***

‘Hey, Freaka-chu,’ Danny said, appearing at the Video Lord’s elbow.

‘Mmm?’ Freaka-chu replied absently as he tinkered with a mass of circuitry on a table
before him. He glared at them with manic involvement, picturing what they would
eventually become.
Of course he had no idea what that something would be, but he knew it would be
something important, something he would need eventually. Otherwise, why would he
bother to build it? That was his reasoning anyhow.
‘I think you and The Martian Manhunter should get to know eachother a little better.
Might be good for you.’
Freaka-chu looked up and raised an eyebrow. ‘First of all,’ he sniffed. ‘Inter-
species erotica aside … I’m not into that kind of thing.’
‘No,’ Danny snorted. ‘I mean, he’s the last of the Martians.’
‘So?’
‘You’re the last of the Video Lords!’ Danny prompted.
Freaka-chu nodded to himself. ‘I don’t see what you’re getting at.’
‘How can you be that dense?!’ Danny frowned. ‘I thought you were super smart.’
‘Oh, that I am,’ Freaka-chu replied, running his Bionic Screwdriver over a section of the
circuitry before him. ‘What I mean is, what possible gain would I get from discussing the
fact that both our races are on the endangered species list? That would probably make
us both depressed.’
‘I think it might be good for you,’ Danny said, putting his hands into his pockets. ‘You
know, make a friend with somebody you’ve got something in common with.’
 Freaka-chu looked up and sighed. ‘It’s not something you want to have in common
with anybody.’ He said calmly. ‘I don’t know what happened to the Martians, but have
you ever heard me talk about what happened to the Video Lords?’
‘They died in a war didn’t they?’ Danny asked, his brow furrowing.
‘I meant specifically.’
‘Not really.’
‘That’s because I don’t like talking about it,’ Freaka-chu said sternly. ‘I’m betting it’s not
The Manhunter’s favourite topic of conversation either.’
‘Hey,’ Danny said, raising his hands as he headed towards the door. ‘I’m just saying,
might be good for you.’
Freaka-chu returned to fiddling with the unfinished device before him. ‘Thanks,’
he said. ‘But, no thanks.’
‘Suit yourself,’ Danny shrugged as he wandered back out into the Index Section.

***

‘Don’t tell me,’ Dean Baxendale said with a sigh. ‘Something went wrong?’
Trevor Mitchum looked up from where he had been soldering and let out an
excited chortle. ‘Wrong?’ He laughed. ‘WRONG?! The only thing wrong about this is that
we don’t get to do it on prime time news.’
‘I don’t follow,’ Dean Baxendale said curtly. ‘What exactly am I here to see, Mitchum? If
it’s not something productive it had better be your letter of resignation. I ordered that
this program be shut down this morning. Why is this machine not in pieces?’
‘Because,’ Mitchum said, rubbing his hands together. ‘It will work!’
Mitchum looked at Dean Baxendale expectantly with wide eyes and a hopeful
expression. The Dean looked from the machine to Mitchum and frowned. ‘So?’ he puffed.
‘I order this project to be terminated.’
Mitchum’s face fell. ‘But … it’ll work.’
‘I didn’t ask whether or not it would work,’ Dean Baxendale retorted. ‘You have spent so
much of this year’s budget; we’ve had to cancel out internet access for the semester. You
had your chance, now, take it apart and sell the pieces.’
‘But it will be worth so much more in working order,’ Mitchum said stiffly. ‘Think of the
revenue it will generate. Maybe even Nobel Prize money … think about it Dean …’
Dean Baxendale sighed deeply and wiped his mouth with his hand. He turned and
glared up at Mitchum. A few million dollars would definitely go a long way to furthering
the research of the university … and put a pool in The Dean’s yard. ‘Show me,’ he
clucked.

***

Danny meandered out into the Index Section and perambulated down towards the
New Links Section. He passed the fountains and the decorative pools that lined the
middle of the Courtyard, reflecting the massive structure of the Exit Portal that stood at
the far end of The Mercury Rooms.
He was bored, perhaps getting up to date on some of the shows he had missed
whilst growing up in a lab might be a productive use of his time. Apparently he had
missed out on a lot and things seemed quiet enough for him to take a few hours for
himself.
Actually, things seemed very, very quiet. Unreasonably quiet. Quieter than they
had been since the Mercury Rooms had opened. The place seemed deserted. Did
everybody else know something that he didn’t?
There were only a handful of members still hanging around, going to and fro,
passing from one building to the next, seemingly oblivious to the sudden drop in activity.
Were The Mercury Rooms out of fashion that quickly?
‘Man,’ Elion said, tisking to himself. ‘Things are dead around here.’
‘I’ve noticed,’ Danny said uneasily. ‘What do you think’s going on?’
‘There’s something going on?’ Elion frowned.
‘Well … yeah,’ Danny said louder, gesturing around the nearly empty Index Section.
‘Unless there’s a link that everybody’s using all at once, and everybody is off somewhere
watching the same thing.’
‘Well,’ Elion shrugged. ‘The new series of Lost came out today. That’s probably it.’
‘Could be,’ Danny shrugged. ‘But, there’s something not right here … there’s something
… I dunno … off.’
‘That would suck,’ Elion said with a puff. ‘I’m so tired of things sucking. Why can’t things
just not suck? For five minutes? Would that be too much to ask? Really?’
‘What sucks now?’ Red asked as he exited the toilet. ‘Game on? Or are we just
speculating?’
Elion shrugged. ‘Danny thinks something weird’s going on because there’s nobody
around.’
Red patted his chin and looked around. It was true that the place was, for all
intensive purposes, abandoned. Spare for the few members he had been sitting with
earlier, and the odd one or two exiting rooms in search of new Videos to view.
He spotted Manhunter lurking by his usual alcove talking in a subdued manner to
Detective Fischer and Angelus. Steffman, Ganjanaut, Shblandex, Beakedbard, Welshy,
Jazz, Pun and a few others were still arguing noisily in the seating area over this, that
and the other. That new girl Roxy was wandering around looking for her bodyguard who
had gone missing earlier in the day, but that was all. Out of the thousands of people that
had once spread through the halls of ALLUC, these were all that remained.
These, and Fred who was leading a large group of other members all clad in black,
down from the Main Portal towards where the three moderators stood, walking
purposefully with a giant Mountain Troll in tow.
‘What’s up, Fred?’ Danny said loudly, his voice echoing down the deserted courtyard.
‘Oh, nothing,’ Fred grinned widely, coming to a stop a few metres from the Moderators.
‘Just the end of everything you know and love.’

***

‘I take no pleasure in breaking this to you, Mister Mitchum,’ Dean Baxendale said in an
even tone. ‘But this is not a paradox.’
‘No,’ Mitchum retorted. ‘I never said it was.’
Baxendale frowned hard. ‘Then why is it called a Paradox Machine?’
‘Misnomer,’ Mitchum explained. ‘Keeps the spies from the other departments guessing.’
‘Ah,’ Baxendale nodded. ‘In which case, this could be described as a success.’
‘I thought as much,’ Mitchum smiled with utter glee as the two of them watched the
small figurine that the machine had brought to life and given awareness too as it worked
its way around the table in a disorientated manner.
‘It doesn’t seem to be too … intelligent.’ Baxendale commented.
‘Of course not,’ Mitchum grinned. ‘Its plastic, there’s noting organic in there. Nothing to
work with. If we had something made of organic matter, we could probably see actual
thinking ability … not just awareness. We’ve had small proteins working on advance
formulas successfully already.’
‘Alright then,’ Baxendale said, suddenly, taking the carton of milk from his pocket and
placing it on the table. It was a special edition carton with small face painted on it along
with plastic arms and legs. ‘Let’s try something organic that’s a little larger.’

***

Red took a step back and frowned hard, narrowly avoiding stepping on Welshy the
living milk carton. ‘What are you talking about, Fred?’ Red asked narrowly.
Fred chuckled. ‘Oh, I think it’s time we dropped the pretence, Stuart. I’m not Fred,
not anymore … I’m something more, something better, here to show you Video thieves
once and for all the error of your ways.’
‘What’s going on?’ Steffman and the others had risen from their chairs to see what the
trouble was.
 Fred rolled his eyes. ‘I’m not going to repeat it for everybody who comes along!’ He
said, almost laughing at the absurdity. ‘So, is everybody here now? I mean … everybody’s
that’s left?’
‘He’s been getting rid of members,’ Welshy said sourly.
‘That’s okay,’ Pun shrugged. ‘Less people to take the attention away from me.’
‘Nobody’s listening to you, Pun,’ Jazz said scornfully. ‘Jazz suggests you shut it.’
‘What did you do?’ Danny exclaimed, forcing his way to the front of the squabbling crowd
to face Fred. ‘Who the hell are you? Really?’
‘Ooh, one question at a time, Daniel,’ Fred said, waggling his finger. ‘I could go off on
some rant about how I cleared out this place of almost everybody and, then go on to
explain how I intend to kill them and you … but there’s so little time, it’ll be much easier
just to give you a visual demonstration.’
Fred flicked his wrist and something shone in the light. Danny stumbled back a
step as the small round disk slapped onto the front of his shirt.
‘What the he-?’ Danny started as he disappeared.
There were a few awed gasps from the group of onlookers who were still trying to
get their heads around the fact that Fred was standing there and acting like a bad guy.
‘Okay, Kelly,’ Detective Fischer said, raising her gun at Fred. ‘What’s going on here?’
Fred let out an irritated sigh. ‘Don’t you people listen at all?!’ He thundered. ‘Do
you want play-by-play? I can do play-by-play if you want! Starting with how a stupid,
arrogant little shit raised in a test tube thought he could go up against me. ME! The most
sophisticated piece of anomatronic mastery known to man! The epitome of robotics! And
he thought he could erase my consciousness? Just like he had done to so many others,
just like that,’ Fred snapped his fingers.
‘He underestimated the level of cognition I possessed. He didn’t think how my
programming would be affected by his power. An ability that has proved so very, very
useful to me … as you can see,’ he gestured at his hoard.
‘Oh dear god,’ Elion breathed. ‘You’re not Fred, are you?’
Fred’s shoulders dropped as he slumped down on his haunches and rubbed his
forehead. ‘NO GENIUS!’ He shouted. ‘It’s little old me! Your friendly neighbourhood
Buster-Bot! Here to finish the job! I’ve used Fred’s brain stealing ability and made myself
a band of merry men … all Buster, all of the time!’
Angelus growled deep in his throat. ‘You took over Super Saiyan didn’t you? It was
one of your … slaves that killed Leara.’
Buster snorted. ‘The first of many,’ he grinned. ‘She caught me in the act … I
couldn’t allow her to live.’
‘But she was your friend!’ Red said in disbelief.
‘WRONG!’ Buster sang. ‘She was Fred’s friend … I simply had the pleasure of … letting
her go.’
‘You bastard!’ Elion exclaimed, causing Buster and his minions to snicker in unison.
‘I think its time to redecorate boys,’ Buster grinned and gave a fleeting glance over his
shoulder at his lines of minions. ‘I think the walls could do with some blood spatter
effects … don’t you?’
The legion chuckled amongst themselves and began to slowly advance upon the
group of Allucians.
‘Erm, would somebody tell me what the fuck is going on?’ Roxy frowned. ‘Because if am
supposed to have a clue … I don’t. I’m new; I must have missed the important plot points
behind all this.’
‘Oh, don’t worry, princess,’ Buster said snidely, looking at the shiny badge that Roxy was
still wearing. ‘You won’t have too much longer to worry about it.’
Roxy huffed, hands on hips. ‘Princess?’ She frowned indignantly. ‘It’s Queen to
you, you insolent upstart!’ She fished in her bag and produced a silver tiara. ‘We’ll see
who’s got time to worry in a few minutes pa-’
Then she disappeared in the same way that Danny had.
‘Pity,’ Buster said with a disappointed scowl. ‘I wanted to kill her myself. I dislike being
talked down to. Still, she’ll die with the rest of them.’
‘The rest of who? ALL of the other members?’ Red exclaimed in disbelief.
‘All of the other members stupid enough to accept the limited edition free gift,’ Buster
laughed at that and held up one of the silver badges that the sweaty salesmen had been
handing out. ‘I’m more than just a pretty face,’ he said, licking his lips and advanced
with his minions.

***

‘Do you not think there will be too many?’ Kool asked with narrowed eyes. ‘They are
untrained but they outnumber us by thousands.’
‘We could convert them all,’ Tommy suggested darkly. ‘We could convert everybody … the
whole Universe is open to us.’
‘No,’ Buster said sternly, shaking his head. ‘The power is useful, especially for this little
recruitment drive … but it is draining. Each time I use it … I feel weakened. It is taking
longer and longer to recover each time.’
‘Inconsequential,’ Dot-Dot surmised. ‘We are the Buster-Bot. Our mission is clear. The
Video Thieves must be exterminated at any cost.’
Buster threw the dark-skinned member up against the wall of the small bar they
had been conversing in and held him by the throat. ‘Understand this,’ Buster said
calmly. ‘I am the Buster-Bot. The first, the beginning and the end. You are a replica, a
clone, there is no “we”, there is only “I”. You are here because what must be done
requires more than one to achieve it … do you understand?’
Dot-Dot choked a ‘Yes,’ response and sank to the floor when Buster released his
vice-like grip on his throat.
‘Now,’ Buster continued unabated. ‘I agree that there are still far too many members
within The Mercury Rooms. However, many of them are simple humans, fat and lazy,
sitting on their overweight backsides, stuffing their faces while they steal Videos from the
Great Guild of Video Makers. They will be easily dispensed with.’
‘Humans are resilient,’ Xennothor intoned. ‘They could rally against us.’
‘If we could remove them before hand,’ Webbvile mused. ‘Via the links they covet so
greedily.’
‘We could submit fake links,’ Tommy smiled. ‘One-way links to a place where they will
remained trapped forever.’
‘Until we delete it,’ Buster said in approval. ‘With them inside.’
A murmur of approval ran through the Buster-clones.
‘Though we must make this move on a wide-range,’ Buster said darkly, looking over his
shoulder into the depths of the bar where a short, sweaty salesman was trying to
convince some of the patrons to buy penis enlargement pumps, much to their obvious
irritation. ‘And I think I know just how to do it …’

***

Elion checked himself; he hadn’t been stupid enough to be wearing one of those
badges.
‘Jazz said those badges failed!’ Jazz commented, loading his cancer ray. ‘Jazz is always
right. More people should pay attention to Jazz … because Jazz is always right … like
Jazz just said.’
‘We get it,’ Arina clucked in irritation.
‘Jazz was just making sure,’ Jazz replied wryly.
The group finished checking themselves over, none of them had accepted the
“Special Limited Edition Free Gifts” from the salesmen.
‘Time delayed,’ Buster said with a smirk of self-satisfaction. ‘All of them randomly
designed to go off … whenever,’ he said making a nonchalant gesture. ‘That way, nobody
noticed the sudden rapid decrease in membership until it was far too late … now there’s
not enough of you left to defend … anything … this won’t be half as entertaining as I
envisioned from the moment I learned about this place.
‘But somehow … I think I’ll manage to soldier on.’
‘You are a bad man!’ Shblandex said hotly, throwing off his cloak to reveal a small, red,
fuzzy monster underneath. ‘Elmo thinks you didn’t get enough hugs when you were
small! Elmo thinks you need to be nicer to people!’
‘Great,’ Elion scowled. ‘Just the kind of reinforcements we needed. Maybe he can teach
them the alphabet while they slaughter us to death … at least Oscar the Grouch could
have thrown trash at them!’
‘Cookie monster could throw cookies,’ Freaka-chu said, as he casually ambled out of the
workshop and leaned against the doorframe. ‘And cookie jars … they’d hurt.’
‘The Video Lord!’ Adamus hissed.
‘Well now,’ Freaka-chu said, raising his head and looking over the scene before him.
‘Something going on in here I should know about?’
‘Fred’s gone schizo on us,’ Elion said angrily, tightening his grip on his zap gun.
‘It appears the Buster-Bot has taken over Fred’s mind,’ Manhunter intoned by way of
explanation.
‘Oh?’ Freaka-chu asked, pursing his lips. ‘Then we’ve had a fox in the coop for a while
then.’
‘Oh yes, Dr.,’ Buster nodded, rubbing his chin eagerly and marching swiftly over to
where Freaka-chu stood. The Video Lord backed off a few paces as the maniacal
machine-minded destroyer loomed upon him and slammed Freaka-chu back against one
of the grey walls of the Index Section. ‘Your mind to my mind,’ Buster said with an
almost insane expression as his eyes flashed blue.