Don't wory if you don't know every dining etiquette rule.

If you aren't sure what to do at the table, wait and watch. Observe how other people are dealing with the situation, which utensil they are using, or which glass they are drinking from and then follow their example. With that general rule in mind, read the following step-by-step table manners guide, from seating etiquette to final thank-you.

Seating Etiquette
If your host has determine the seating arrangements, allow him or her to show you to your chair. If you are the host, suggest the seating arrangements. If at a restaurant, the best seat is reserved for the guest of honor. The best seat is usually the one with its back to the wall. This way the guest of honor will not be sitting in a traffic area. After the guest of honor is seated, the host will sit on her left. Other dinners are then offered the other seats at the table. At home, the general table etiquette rule is to split up couples. This allows each dinner to talk with someone new. Don't suggest any seating arrangement, however, that may make people unhappy. Those are the basic seating etiquette rules and should get you by in most situations. If, however, you find yourself responsible for the seating arrangements at a formal function, please visit our seating etiquette page for the formal seating protocol.

The Table Setting

In most situations, following the "outside-in" rule will tell you which knife, fork, or spoon to use at the dinner table. Use utensils on the outside first and work your way inward with each new course that is served. If you are not sure which utensil to use, just wait to see what is served. Or, watch others at the table and follow their lead. There are, of course, detailed table etiquette rules describing the use of each utensil. Our "table setting"

guide describes each utensil (and its proper use) encountered at every meal from a least formal to most.

Handling Utensils
The shape of a utensil determines how it is used. Knife blades cut and push food. Fork tines spear and lift. Spoons are used to stir and sip. Once a utensil is used, it is not laid again on the table. Soiled utensils are laid on the plate or bowl it is provided with. Never rest a utensil half on a plate and half on the table.

Continental Style v. American Style (for Right-Handed Dinners) Continental Style

y y y y

Hold your fork in your left hand, tines downward. Hold your knife in your right hand low to the plate, an inch or two above. Extend your index finger along the top of the blade. Use your fork to spear and lift food to your mouth. If your knife is not needed, it remains on the table. Hold your fork in your right hand, tines upward.

American Style
y

y y

Hold your fork like a pencil (never used it to stab at food), with the shank extended between your thumb and second and third fingers. Your fourth and fifth fingers rest in your hand. For leverage, the index finger is extended along the back of the fork, as far from the tines as possible. Hold your knifewith the handle cupped in the palm of your hand, along with your third, fourth, and fifth fingers. Your second finger is placed on the back of the blade. Your thumb is held against the side of the handle.

Because food is easier to manipulate with two utensils than with one, in formal dining two utensils are used for the appetizer course, main course, salad course, dessert course, and fruit course. At an informal meal, one or two utensils are used, whichever is more comfortable. However, two utensils provide greater dining ease than one and is the preferred method. Utensil etiquette

Resting Utensils

You can rest your utensils in one of two ways when taking a break from eating:
y y

Put your fork and knife in the center of your plate with the tips facing each other in an inverted V (slightly angled); Or Rest your knife on the top right of your plate (diagonally) with the fork nearby (tines up).

These two resting positions, recognized by trained wait staff, signal that you're not ready to have your plate removed. At most restaurants, used utensils are replaced with clean ones for the next course. If, however, a waiter asks you to keep your dirty utensils for the next course (a practice apparently meant to cut costs), it's okay to ask for clean ones. If soup or dessert is served in a deep bowl, cup, or stemmed bowl set on another plate, place your utensil(s) on this underplate when you finish. If the bowl is what is called a soup plate (shallow and wide), leave the spoon in the bowl. When each coures is finished, your knife and fork should be placed on your plate side-by-side diagonally (at four o'clock if your plate were a clock face); the blade of your knife should face inward, with your fork's tines either up or down. This position signals to the server that you're finished and also decreases the chance that the utensils could fall to the floor when the plates are cleared.

Napkin Etiquette
Wait for the host or hostess to take his or her napkin off the table and place it in his or her lap. (An excpetion to this rule is buffet-style meals, where you should unfold your napkin when you start eating) Unfold your napkin in one smooth motion without "snapping" or "shaking" it open. A napkin's size is related to the number of courses to be served. The size determines how you unfold a napkin in your lap. Large napkins provided at more formal dinners, are unfolded halfway. At less formal meals, a smaller napkin will be used. Smaller napkins are unfolded completely and cover the lap fully.

y y

Don't tuck a napkin into your collar, between the buttons of your shirt, or in your belt. When messy finger food is served before tucking the napkin under the chin or tying it around the neck, look to the host to see if he does the same.

Use your napkin frequently during the meal to blot or pat, not wipe, your lips. Blot your lips before taking a drink of your beverage-especially if you're a woman wearing lipstick. If a napkin ring is present, it will usually be found above the forks. At the end of the meal, grasp the napkin in the center, pull it through the ring, and lay it on the table with the point facing the center of the table. When leaving the table temporarily, put your napkin on your chair. If the chair is upholstered, place the napkin soiled side up. At the meal's end:
y y y y y

The napkin is loosely folded at the end of the meal. If a plate is in the center of your place setting, when leaving the table lay the napkin to the left of the plate. If the center of your place setting is empty, the napkin is laid in the middle of the place setting. Leave your napkin in loose folds that keep soiled parts hidden. If after-dinner coffee is served at the table, the napkin remains in the lap.

Serving Etiquette
Style dictates how a meal is served.
Formal Meals
y y y

Food is brought to each diner at the table; The server presents the platter or bowl on the diner's left, The food is either accepted or refused.

(Alternatively, plates are prepared in the kitchen and then brought to the table and set before the diners.)
Casual Meals

If the meal is casual:

y y

the host will dish food onto guests' plates to pass around the table; or the diners help themselves to the food and pass it to others as necessary.

Passing Food
y y y y y

Traditional table manners say food is passsed to the left -- but the point is for the food to be moving in only one direction. One diner either holds the dish as the next diner takes some food, or he hands it to the person, who then serves herself. Any heavy or awkward dishes are put on the table with each pass. Cream pitchers and other dishes with handles should be passed with the handle toward the person receiving them. If a platter for sharing is present say, of antipasti or stuffed mushrooms - it is passed around the table, with each diner holding it as the person next to him serves himself, using only the serving utensils provided.

Salt and Pepper Etiquette

Be sure to taste the food before putting salt or pepper on it. That way you can be sure it needs the seasoning. Always pass salt and pepper together. If a person asks for just one, pass both anyway. Some hostesses prefer to use old fashioned saltcellars, which salt shakers have largely replaced.
y y y y

If there is no spoon in the saltcellar, use the tip of a clean knife to take some salt. If the salt cellar is for you alone, you may either use the tip of your knife or you may take a pinch with your fingers. If it is to be shared with others, never use your fingers or a knife that is not clean. Salt you have dipped into should be put on the bread-and-butter plate or on the rim of whatever plate is before you.

Serving Yourself
Your first concern when helping yourself to food is to pay attention to what you're doing and avoid spills.

Bread and Butter Etiquette

Bread is most often placed on the table in a basket that everyone shares.
y y y y

y y y

If the bread is placed in front of you, feel free to pick up the basket and offer it to the person on your left. If the loaf is not cut, cut a few pieces, offer them to the person to your right, and then pass the basket to your left. Do not touch the loaf with your fingers, instead use the clothe in the bread basket as a buffer to steady the bread as you slice it. Place the bread and butter on your butter plate - yours is on your left then break off a bite sized piece of bread, put a little butter on it, and eat it. Don't butter the whole piece of bread and then take bites from it. Don't hold your bread in one hand and a drink in the other (the polite diner uses only one hand at a time), and Don't take the last piece of bread without first offering it to others.

In some restaurants, olive oil is served with bread. Dip your bite sized pieces of bread in the oil and enjoy.

Table Manners During the Meal

When to Start Eating
At a small table of only two to four people, wait until everyone else has been served before starting to eat. At a formal or business meal, you should either wait until everyone is served to start or begin when the host asks you to.

Refusing a Dish
If dining with friends, it's okay to refuse a dish you don't like. At a dinner party where the host has gone to a great deal of trouble, it's good table manners to take at least a little of every dish being offered. If you're allergic to a food or on a restricted diet and your host urges you to help yourself to food you shouldn't eat, explain to her (not to the table at large) why you have no choice but to decline.

Main Course
If you order for yourself, you can avoid some of the potential difficulties of a main course by ordering food that is easy to eat and that youll know you enjoy. In some business situations, however, the meal is pre-ordered for you

- which means you may be faced with food you either don't like or don't know how to eat.

The End of the Meal

Clearing the Plates
y y y

If the meal is formal, plates will be removed by the staff. At informal meals, the hostess will probably clear the plates, possibly with one or two guests helping. At a family meal, members clear their own plates.

Leaving the Dining Room

To signal dinner is concluded, the hostess catches the eye of the host, lays her napkin on the table, and suggests that everyone go into another room for coffee and after-dinner drinks. The hostess rises from her chair. The gentlemen help the ladies to their right and the guests leave the dining room in whatever order they wish. The host leaves last.
Leaving the Dinner

At a formal affair, guests do not depart until the honoree has left (unless they have told the hostess in advance that they must do so). Because entertainment and socializing follow a formal dinner, it is courteous to remain for at least an hour. At an informal party, out of consideration for the hosts who have worked hard to make the occasion possible, it is polite to remain for approximately an hour. However, guests may depart within the hour and in whatever order they choose. When it's time to leave, rather than detain one's host with a lengthy goodbye, make the departure brief but cordial.

Table Manner Tips

Table Manners Tip #1 - Tasting

Accepting another person's offer to taste a morsel of her dish - or offering a bite of yours are acceptable table manners as it's handled unobtrusively. Either hand your fork to the person, who can spear a bite-sized piece from her plate and hand the fork back to you, or (if the person is sitting close by) hold your plate toward her so that she can put a morsel on the edge. Don't

be tempted to hold a forkful of food to somebody's mouth or reach over and spear something off someone else's plate.
Table Manners Tip #2 - Excusing Yourself

When you need to get up to go to the restroom, it isn't necessary to say where you're going-a simple "Excuse me, please; I'll be right back" is sufficient. At other times, a brief explanation is in order: "Please excuse me while I check with the babysitter." Leaving without a word is rude.
Table Manners Tip #3 - Posture

You needn't sit stiff as a rail at the dinner table, but hunching your shoulders over the plate (a posture often associated with using a fork like a shovel) is a definite "do not." Likewise, slouching back in your chair (which makes it look as if you're not interested in the meal) is not appropriate when eating with others.
Table Manners Tip #4 - Elbows

As for not putting your elbows on the table, this drummed-into-us taboo applies only when you are actually eating. It's a different story when no utensils are being used; in fact, putting your elbows on the table while leaning forward a bit during a mealtime conversation shows that you're listening intently.
Table Manners Tip #5 - Fidgeting

When waiting for the food to arrive or after the meal, you may want to keep your hands in your lap, if only to resist the temptation of fiddling with the utensils or other items. Refrain from drumming your fingers, jiggling your knee, or other fidgety habits, and always keep your hands away from your hair.
Table Manners Tip #6 - Cutting Food

Cut your food into only one or two bite-sized pieces at a time. Do ing this makes sense, since a plateful of cut-up food is not only unattractive but cools and dries out more quickly than food that is mostly intact. (The exception to the rule is when you help a young child cut his food.)
Table Manners Tip #7 - Seasoning Food

When at a dinner party or restaurant, always taste your food be fore seasoning it. Hastily covering a dish with salt or drowning it in ketchup implies that you think the cook's creation needs improving on.
Table Manners Tip #8 - Chewing Food

Once you start to eat, don't literally bite off more than you can chew: Take a manageable bite, chew it well, and swallow it before taking another. Also remember that smacking, slurping, and collecting food in a ball in one cheek are major faux pas. When you have a mouthful of food, avoid two more things: taking a drink and talking. If you have more than a few words to say, swallow your food, rest your fork on your plate, and speak before you resume eating.
Table Manners Tip #9 - Reaching

Just how close does something on the table have to be before you reach out and get it yourself? That's simple: within easy reach of your arm when you're leaning only slightly forward. Don't lean past the person sitting next to you or lunge to perform what's known as the boardinghouse reach. A request to "please pass the [item]" is required for everything beyond that invisible boundary, as is a thank-you to whoever does the passing.
Table Manners Tip #10 - Asking for a Second Helping

The circumstances determine whether or not it is acceptable to ask for a second helping. It is not acceptable at a formal dinner but is permissible at an informal one. If there are no helpers and the host has served the entree from a sideboard, he or the hostess will usually urge guests to pass their plates for a second helping. To do this, leave the silver on the plate, making sure it is securely positioned. Never hold your silver in your hand or put it on the tablecloth when you pass your plate. As a courtesy, when only one person takes a second helping a considerate hostess will take a little too that way, her guest won't feel self-conscious or that he is holding everyone else up.
Table Manners Tip #11 - Unfamiliar Food

You're faced with unfamiliar foods. If a food you're not sure how to eat comes on a platter of appetizers - a type of sushi, perhaps, or crab in the shell - you, as a polite diner, have three choices of how to proceed: (1) Wait until someone else starts to eat and follow suit. (2) Ask how the food should be eaten (fingers or fork, for example). (3) Avoid the food altogether.
Table Manners Tip #12 - Using a Finger Bowl

If you encounter a finger bowl (used either after eating a hands-on meal such as lobster or at a more formal meal when dessert is served), dip your fingers into the water and then dry them with your napkin.
Table Manners Tip #13 - Hot Towels

In some upscale restaurants, steamed hand towels are brought to diners at the end of the meal. Use the towel to wipe your hands and, if necessary, the area around your mouth. (Wiping the back of your neck or behind your ears is best not done in a restaurant.) Most waiters will take the towel away as soon as you've finished, If not, leave the towel at the left of your plate, on top of your loosely folded napkin. Want more table manners tips? See our table manners tips section for our list of the best 100 table manners tips.

Eating Etiquette
dessert fruit pasta sauces and condiments vegetables appetizers hors d'oevres beverages Coffee and tea meat cheese

Table Manners International Dining Etiquette Gourmet Guide

Table Setting Wine Selection & Etiquette Tea Etiquette

Business Dining Etiquette Toasts & Toasting Dining Etiquette Potpourri

Dinner Party Etiquette Tipping Etiquette Restaurant Dining Etiquette

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Dining Etiquette Fundamentals

The impression you make at a business lunch starts before you arrive at the restaurant. It is important to properly plan the business lunch. The very first things you do are critical to the success of the rest of the meal.
Table Location

The host deals with table selection. As a guest, do not check out the table location and then suggest that the waiter or maitre d' change it. Your host may have asked for that table for a reason.
Etiquette for Approaching the Table

Allow your host to direct you to your seat. As the host, suggest the seating arrangements. See our seating etiquette section for more informaiton on seating protocol.

Table Etiquette
Study our complete table etiquette guide to make sure you know the table manners basics. The following information is meant to supplement that information when you are dining for business.
Silverware Etiquette

See our table setting section for a full table setting description. One basic dining etiquette rule will help you decide which fork or knife or spoon to use: You always use the utensils on the outside of the place setting first and work your way in. If you don't use a utensil for a particular course, then when the course is removed from the table, the waiter will remove the utensil for that course as well. Once you are settled in your seats, you can expect a waiter to come to the table to take drink orders. The waiter may also bring menus if the food hasn't already been ordered for you.
Drink Order Etiquette Guest Etiquette

As a junior executive at the table, you don't know if you should order alcohol or not. In this situation order something non-alcoholic. As the first person to order, you don't want to be in the situation where you are the only person at the table to order alcohol. If oth ers, including your boss, order an alcoholic drink, you can either quietly change your order before the server leaves the table or opt not to have alcohol before the meal.
Host Etiquette

When the server asks for drink orders, let your guests know your expectations for drinking at the table. If you don't drink but would like your guests to be comfortable ordering cocktails, you can say, "Joe, please feel free to enjoy a glass of wine or a drink.
Food Order Etiquette

As you look over the menu, keep in mind three important dining etiquette rules for ordering: Dining etiquette ordering rule No. 1: Order medium-priced dishes, not the most expensive items on the menu. Dining etiquette ordering rule No. 2: Know the food you are ordering. This isn't the time to be adventuresome and order something you've never had before. Not only might you not like it, but also it might be difficult to eat. You want your focus to be on the people at the table and not on your food. Dining etiquette ordering rule No. 3: Order food that is relatively easy to eat. Linguine with dam sauce is very tasty, but eating linguine is a challenge that's nearly certain to leave your tie or blouse spattered with sauce.

Host Ordering Etiquette Obligations. First, the host should already have eaten at the restaurant previously. A smart host never takes guests to a place he hasn't already visited. By checking out the restaurant ahead of time, you can also assure yourself that the food is good and familiarize yourself with some of the items on the menu. That way, when you return there as the host of a business meal, you'll be able to offer menu suggestions to your guests. Pre-Arranged Menus. If you are a vegetarian, it is proper dining etiquette to quietly ask the waiter whether there is a vegetarian selection available. If there isn't, you can ask him or her to bring you a plate without the meat on it. The key is to make your request known without making a big deal out of it. As you listen to other people ordering, you realize they are all having an appetizer, a salad, and a main course-while all you want is a main course. Dining etiquette does not require you to order any course you don't want. Simply order the main course and politely say, "No, thank you" if you are asked whether you want anything else.
Special Dining Etiquette Situations

It's the rare restaurant meal during which at least one perplexing dining etiquette question doesn't arise ("Should I ask for a doggy bag?") or a glitch doesn't occur ("Is that a foreign body in my water?"). These dining etiquette pointers will help you cope.
Dining Etiquette Situation 1

The food arrives at different times? At a business lunch with a colleague or client, if your dining partner's food arrives before yours does, proper dining etiquette requires that you encourage her to eat it before it gets cold. Likewise, if your own food has to be sent back for any reason, urge her to con tinue eating. If you are at a meal with your boss or other people who rank higher than you, wait for a signal from them that you may begin eating. At a meal with people of similar rank, if three or so people at a large table receive their food and there is a wait for the rest, they may start eating so their meals won't get cold. At a buffet it is accept able dining etiquette to start eating once you have returned to the table
Dining Etiquette Situation 2

Your fork or glass is unclean? If your yet-to-be-filled water goblet seems soiled, or any utensil shows a bit of dried crust, don't announce it to

everyone at the table-especially the host. The next time a server stops by, discreetly ask for a replacement
Dining Etiquette Situation 3

You spot a hair or bug? If there is a speck floating-in your water or a hair or a pest of some kind in your food, simply refrain from drinking or put down your fork until you catch the attention of the waiter. While it's probably impossible to keep the rest of the table from knowing something is amiss, try your best not to cause a fuss.
Dining Etiquette Situation 4

Your dining partner has food on his face? If you notice a speck of food on someone's face (or, in the case of a man, on his beard), you're doing them a favor by subtly calling attention to it. You might signal silently by cocking an eyebrow while using your index finger to lightly tap your chin or whatever part of the face is affected. As prevention for yourself, the occasional dab with your napkin will help ensure no wayward hits of food stay put for long.
Dining Etiquette Situation 5

You have spinach in your teeth. but don't know it? Occasionally running your tongue over your teeth may let you know whether you have food (the usual culprit: spinach) caught between your teeth. If you can execute a quick wipe of your teeth with your napkin without attracting attention, do so. If the food stays lodged there, it may be better to excuse yourself from the table and go to the restroom to remove it rather than worrying about it for the rest of the meal.
Dining Etiquette Situation 6

You're finished and your plate is still halffull? At a business meal, forget the doggy bag unless you're going-Dutch and are with a good friend. Even then, don't load up the bag with butter, sugar packets, or any other ancillary items. Following these simple dining etiquette rules will make your business dining experiences more enjoyable and profitable.

Table Manners

Table Setting

Business Dining Etiquette

Dinner Party Etiquette

International Dining Etiquette Gourmet Guide

Wine Selection & Etiquette Tea Etiquette

Toasts & Toasting Dining Etiquette Potpourri

Tipping Etiquette Restaurant Dining Etiquette

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Hosting Etiquette

Party Etiquette
Dinner Party Etiquette
It takes work to entertain successfully. If you do your work in advance, however, with thorough planning and preparation, a dinner or weekend party will be a labor of love not only for your guests, but for you as well. There is nothing more uncomfortable than for guests to feel that their host and hostess are running themselves ragged entertaining them-or that their mere presence is an intrusion on the host household. If you want your guests to be relaxed, you must relax, too.
The Good Hosts Party Guide

There is nothing mysterious about hosting well. It involves little more than common courtesy, a nurturing ambiance, and sincere interest in making guests feel comfortable and welcome. BE RELIABLE. Be ready at the hour of the invitation. Don't count on late arrivals and rush to the door with your hair half dried or a dust rag in your hands when guests arrive at the hour at which you've invited them. BE AVAILABLE. Be there to greet guests as they arrive, even if you have to excuse yourself from a conversation with another guest. It is not necessary for both the host and hostess to greet guests at the door.

BE PREPARED. Have the table set in advance, and plan meals that do not require you to spend the entire cocktail hour in the kitchen. BE PRECISE. Be clear in your invitation as to the formality of the occasion. Don't write "casual" and open the door wearing satin and diamonds. BE A CATALYST. Make a point of circulating among your guests and introducing strangers to one another, staying with them long enough to get a conversation launched. BE AWARE. Keep an eye on guests' drinks, offering a refill so that they don't have to ask. BE A LEADER. Remember that guests look to you to raise your fork first during dinner; do so promptly so that they may begin eating. Or be sure to say, after the first three or so guests are served, "Please begin eating," so that the food doesn't cool while they wait for you to be served or to serve yourself. BE MINDFUL. Pay attention to details, such as a well-stocked bathroom. A hostess should have guest towels hanging in plain view. Because people often consider linen hand towels to be decorative only, have terry hand towels available. Or place a small stack of nice paper towels beside the sink, to throw away into a wastebasket afterward. Have plenty of extra toilet paper on hand, and a fresh bar of soap in the soap dish.

Guest Etiquette

Party Etiquette
Dinner Party Etiquette
A good guest is enthusiastic, congenial, and considerate, treating other guests and the host and hostess, as well as their property, with thought fulness and respect. The most well-mannered guest at any occasion follows the Good Guest's Party Guide, below.
The Good Guests Party Guide

KNOW WHEN TO ARRIVE. If the invitation is a casual "come at 6:30 or 7:00," split the difference and ring the bell at 6:45, but never later than

7:00. On the other hand, if you have ever arrived at 6:15 to find your hostess just out of the shower, you know it is safe to say that one should never arrive early. When a specific time is given, arrive at the time stated, or shortly thereafter. Dont Damage the Hosts Property. If it is muddy or wet outside, wipe your feet on the doormat. Don't put your feet up on the couch or the coffee table. PUT YOUR DR INK GLASS ON A COASTER or ask for one if none is in sight. DO NOT SNOOP. It is rude to tour through someone's house uninvited. Ask your host if he will show you the house. DON'T IGNORE YOUR HOSTESS WHEN SHE ANNOUNCES THAT DINNER IS SERVED. On the other hand, don't jump up and fly out as if you have been kept waiting to the point of starvation. Watch your hostess, and if she seems to be edging toward the door, take one more sip of your cocktail and rise. PRACTICE BATHROOM ETIQUETTE. If you use a hand towel, make sure to put it back on the rack, unfolded, so that it is obvious that it has been used. When you wash your hands, wipe off the basin. Before you leave, put the toilet seat and the lid down. DONT SMOKE IN ANYONE'S HOME unless he does so himself. Today, with unanswered questions about the dangers of secondhand smoke even those who previously didn't mind may mind now. If you must have a cigarette, ask your host or hostess if you can step outside for a few minutes. Never light a pipe or cigar indoors without asking first. Never smoke around infants or small children. When at a party in a club where smoking is allowed, it is still courteous to ask those with you if they mind if you smoke. Lastly, it is bad form to walk around or dance with a cigarette in your hand or hanging from your mouth. DON'T TRY TO HIDE THE DAMAGE. Apologize at once and arrange to replace the item if possible or to pay for repairs if not. If it is a substantial amount, see if your insurance policy will cover it DON'T USE THE TELEPHONE WITHOUT PERMISSION, and then only if you charge the calls to your credit card or home number. If you have a cell phone, again, it is rude to use it without first asking if your host minds if you make a call. Or, simply excuse yourself to make your calls in the privacy of the guest room.

Dont Forward Personal Calls to your Hosts HOUSE without asking permission to do so, and then only if you are an on call professional, are expecting an emergency, or have children who are out and may need to reach you. Then, if you do get calls, keep them brief. Dont visit when you have a cold or OTHER INFECTIOUS ILLNESS. No matter how bored you are stay ing home alone with a cold or cough, home is indeed where you must stay. If you're home sick and want companionship, pick up the telephone or, if you own a computer, catch up on some e-mail.
Leaving

It was once a fixed rule that the guest of honor should be the first to leave the party. This rule is more or less obsolete, however, unless the guest of honor is the president of the United States or other dignitary, in which case no one may leave before he or she does. In all other circumstances, other guests may depart before the guest of honor does. When should a guest go home? Dinner guests should stay at least one hour after dinner; since it is hardly a compliment to the hostess when her guests do little more than eat and run. At a small party a couple should not leave long before anyone else seems ready to go, because their departure is very apt to break up the party. Today it is not considered ill-mannered for any couple or individual to rise if the hour is growing late. If you are a guest, it is late, and you are ready to leave, simply stand up, say good-bye to the people with whom you were talking, say good-bye to the guest of honor, and look for your hostess. Chat for a brief moment with her and the host, and then-offer your thanks and good-byes, and leave.
Staying Too Long

A guest should stay as long as he wishes, within reason, while being sensitive to clues that the host and hostess and others at the party are tired. One clue is if the host announces a last call for a drink, and starts to close up the bar. Another is when the party givers start cleanup duties in earnest. There is the story of the host who, when he's ready for guests to leave, simply says good night and goes upstairs to bed. All are obvious clues that it is time to say your good-byes.
Global Guests

You may be the most polished execu tive in your company and a confident globetrotter, but without knowing the nuances in cultural practices and cus

toms in a foreign country it is easy to appear ignorant when you are a guest there. Differences in mores, cultural practices, decision making, and the way people converse can trip up even the most seasoned traveler. It is the wise guest who takes the time not only to understand these differences but to practice them as well. As the saying goes, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Here are some basic courtesies to keep in mind when you are a guest in a foreign land. Don't criticize the way things are done in the host country or make compar 140 isons to your own country. Be prompt and punctual. Follow the standards of dress and grooming in the host country. Conservative is always better. In many countries, women should not wear pants, skirts above the knee, or tops that expose arms or the neckline. Be prepared to shake hands frequently, especially in Europe. In many coun tries women do not shake hands regularly; in those situations, wait for the woman to extend her arm to you for a handshake, whatever your gender. Show respect for older persons. Stand when they enter the room, wait for them to speak first, and wait for them to initiate a handshake. Do not immediately call someone by his or her first name. It's largely an American custom, so only do so when you're invited to. Respect your host's dietary customs; don't request something that may be offensive or contrary to his practices.
Customs Around the World

The following is a sampling of customs that are specific to certain countries. While the burgeoning global culture is infiltrating all corners of the globe, many traditions survive and thrive in social interaction. Arab and Islamic Countries. Never point or beckon; these gestures are reserved for summoning animals. Arabs tend to stand very close to the person to whom they are speaking. Do not distance yourself. If a handshake is accom panied by a kiss on both cheeks in social situations, return the gesture. Alcohol is forbidden and is rarely consumed in public, although it may be served at a private function. In many Arab countries, women do not dine with men, even at a business dinner, so this should be expected.

China. Bow your head slightly when introduced, as a sign of respect. Speak quietly, for loud voices are considered rude. Follow your host's lead at a meal, neither eating nor drinking until he does. When a toast is given, it is prac tice to empty one's glass each time. If you are not used to drinking, exercise caution when toasting with an alcoholic beverage, perhaps requesting a soft drink or water instead. France. Address people formally. If you take a French host out to dinner or lunch, suggest that he select the wine, a point of pride with most French, and be sure to praise it. Germany. Handshakes are formal and are often accompanied by a barely perceptible bow, but unless one knows the host well, other touching, such as hugging or cheek kissing, is not encouraged. Great Britain. Address people formally, by title, and keep physical contact at a minimum. Handshaking is expected, but not embraces or other touching. Eat with delicacy-even small finger sandwiches are to be eaten in little bites, never popped in their entirety into the mouth. Israel. Dress in Israel is more informal than in many countries, with suit jackets left off and shirt sleeves acceptable. Understand and observe dietary restrictions, which are generally kosher; and understand religious observances, which take precedence over everything else. It is correct to say shalom for both hello and good-bye. Italy. When dining, plan on several courses, and know that salad is served after the main course, not before. Coffee is generally served black, so you might want to adjust your taste buds if you are used to adding milk or cream to yours. Japan. Formality is of the utmost importance; chatting or overt friendliness is not appropriate. Punctuality is also important. Handshaking is not as widely practiced as in other countries, and you should bow only if someone bows to you. Remove your shoes upon entering a Japanese home and most restaurants, placing them facing outward. If house slippers are provided, put them on. When you use the bathroom, remove the house slippers you are wearing out side the bathroom door and put on the pair outside the door that is provided to be worn into the bathroom. Latin America. Handshakes and embraces are frequent, and people stand closer together than most North Americans are used to when speaking; don't back away-it's impolite. When invited to social functions, be prepared to dine quite late.

Russia. Punctuality counts in Russia, so it is a good idea to know where you are going and how long it will take you to get there. Scandinavian countries. Punctuality is important, as is privacy, and both should be respected. When offered a drink, accept it, but do not touch it until your host proposes a toast. Spain. Time and punctuality are not always adhered to, so it is a good idea to be prepared to wait and not to criticize when you are kept waiting.

Dinner Conversation

Dinner Party Etiquette

It is not essential to be blessed with a silver tongue to be someone with whom others are delighted to talk. Conversation is an exchange of thought, not an exhibition of wit and oratory. An ability to express interest in the other person and to express your own thoughts and feelings clearly and simply is all that is required. Conversation should be a matter of equal give and take. Unhappily, it is frequently all take. Everyone knows a nonstop talker who monopolizes each conversation, pontificating on this, opining on that, who fast gains the reputation at any gathering as a pest or a bore. For those inclined to run on, remember this simple rule: Stop, look, and listen. In conversation, "stop" means not to rush ahead without thinking; "look" means to pay attention to the expression of the person with whom you are talking; and "listen" -meaning exactly that-is the best advice possible, because everyone loves to talk to a sympathetic listener. Remember, though, that a sympathetic listener really listens. A fixed expression of sympathy while your mind wanders far away won't fool anyone but the most self-centered conversationalist. Watch that wandering eye, too: There is nothing more frustrating than talking to someone who is constantly looking past your shoulder, as if he is bored to tears and is searching out a more interesting situation. It is particularly rude for a man or woman to bring a date to a party and then to scour the room for new conquests while in conversation with his or her date. Keep your eyes glued to whomever you are talking with, and you will have a friend for life.
Meeting Strangers

If you dread meeting strangers because you are afraid you won't be able to think of anything to say, relax and listen. Most conversational errors are com mitted not by those who talk too little but by those who talk too much. Many people do have great difficulty in carrying on a conversation. This terror is something like the terror felt by those who are learning to swim. It is not just the first stroke that overwhelms them, but the thought of all the strokes that must follow. The frightened talker doesn't hear a word that is said by oth ers because he or she is trying so desperately to think of what to say next. So the practical rule for continuing a conversation is the same as that for swim ming: Don't panic. Just take it one stroke (or word) at a time.
Think First

Nearly all the faults or mistakes commonly made in conversation are caused by lack of consideration. For example, should a computer programmer talk in technical programming language to a professor of literature sitting next to her at dinner? Not if she realizes that as enjoyable as her work is, not everyone wishes to hear such a lengthy discourse on the subject. By careful listening to our own words and attention to the reactions of our listeners we can discover our personal inadequacies. The burden of thinking before speaking is our own. It has been said that "I" is the smallest letter in the alphabet-so don't make it the largest word in your vocabulary.
Conversation Topics

There are those who can recount the most mundane experience to a group of people and make everyone burst into laughter. But the storyteller who con stantly tries to be funny is generally a bore, and the majority of us, if we wish to be considered attractive, are safer if we rely on sincerity, clarity, and an intelli gent choice of conversational subject. Guests who are interesting and amusing can set any party afire. On the other hand, a friend who is dear to you but who makes people's eyes glaze over as she goes on and on is not someone you can count on to make your gathering sparkle with humor. While you don't want your party to consist only of a roomful of divas duking it out, you also don't want it limited to a group of wall flowers. It's all in the mix.
New Acquaintances

When you find yourself next to a stranger at a party, introduce yourself right off the bat. It is not only good manners, it is also a great help to your host or host ess. There is nothing more awkward than for guests at a party to be

standing alone waiting for another to come along and perform an introduction. The host of a small party will introduce as many people as he can. At a large affair, however, such as a wedding reception or a formal dance, it is impossible for the host to make sure that everyone has met. In these instances, it is up to you as a guest to make your own introductions. In introducing yourself, however, never start out with, "What is your name?" Doing so is simply too abrupt. Always start by giving your own name. "Hello. I'm Amelia Coppola," you may say, extending your hand if you wish. You can also add, "I'm a friend of Judy's." If this does not elicit a response other than "Hello," you may then say "And you are... ?" or "And what is your name?" If you simply want to introduce yourself to someone, by all means, go ahead. It is fine to say, for instance, "Mrs. Simms, aren't you a friend of my mother's? I'm Jane Adams, Adelaide Pinkham's daughter." In talking to a person you have just met and about whom you know noth ing, the best approach is to find a common interest. Start by referring to your host or hostess: How do you know them? Don't snatch at a period of silence in panic. Let it go for a little while. Conversation is not a race that must be contin ued at breakneck pace to the finish line.
Dinner-Table Conversation

The "turning of the table" is an outdated custom designed to make people divide their conversation time more or less evenly between their two dinner companions. In the old days, the hostess, after the first two courses (or any time she chose), would turn from the man on her right to the one on her left, and each woman at the table was supposed to notice this and switch at the same time. This made something that should happen naturally into a forced act, pre cipitated by a signal. Although the turning of the table is no longer a dinner-party ritual, com mon courtesy dictates that you must at some time during dinner talk to both your neighbors. Today, conversation at the table often includes three or four people sitting near one another. If, however, you notice that one of your neigh bors is left with no one to talk to, common courtesy dictates that you should either include him in your conversation or turn at a break in your discussion to talk to him for a while.

Remember not to talk at length about yourself, but to listen to your neigh bor's point of view and to avoid talking shop at great length to the exclusion of others seated near you. Even if you imagine you have nothing in common with your neighbor and can't possibly converse, look around you. The food and wine always provide something worth talking about, as do the decor, the music, the fashions on dis play, and the people around you. It's all fodder for social interaction, no more complicated than connecting to people who are likely to have as much trepida tion as you are in talking to strangers.
Foreign Visitors

When a foreign visitor who speaks little English is your guest in America, don't put him on the spot by choosing entertainments that are dependent on good language skills. Choose instead universal enjoyments like music concerts or dance performances. Even better: Bring along a friend who is proficient in your guest's language.

Wine

Dinner Party Etiquette

The fizz in a party can be enhanced by a convivial cocktail or a glass of wine. While an overload of alcohol can quickly "de-fizz" a joyous occa sion, wine with dinner is one of the great pleasures of communing with friends; used with taste and decorum, wine or champagne nicely complements and bal ances the flavors of a meal. And these days, it is no secret that drinking wine in moderation with meals is good for the heart and for the digestion. Many novice hosts consider choosing a wine to be a daunting proposition. It doesn't have to be; simply ask your local wine merchant for advice. And be sure to taste before you buy. Most of the time, the wine that tastes best to you will also taste great to your guests. Although the tradition of serving a particular wine with a particular food is no longer de rigueur, the fact remains that red wines nicely complement a bold sauce or a hearty roast pork, while white and rose wines neatly balance chicken and seafood dishes. Of course, unless the meal is strictly formal there is no reason why the host may not choose any wine he thinks his guests would prefer. A Beaujolais, for example, often comple ments a heavier, oilier fish. The two most important considerations in choosing a wine are not the cost or where it came from, but that its flavors complement the food with which it is served and that it pleases the palates of the people drinking it.

Here are some basic tips on serving and enjoying wine. If more than one wine is to be served during dinner, set a glass for each wine. The general rule in serving several types of wine is whites before reds, dry before sweet. Don't "fill 'er up": When pouring wine, fill the wineglass only halfway, never to the top of the glass, to allow the wine to breathe. Pick up your wineglass by the stem rather than the bowl. In the case of white wine and champagne this helps keep the wine cool. In the case of all wines, including red wines, holding the glass by the stem lets you better appreciate the color. If you're serving wine at a dinner party, plan on buying at least one bottle of wine per every two guests. Of course, this is dependent on the number of peo ple you know will drink wine with dinner and your estimate of how much they usually drink. Once a bottle is opened, the wine should be drunk within a day or so oxidation causes wine to rapidly deteriorate. To give wine a couple more days of drinkability, you might pour it into a smaller bottle or use one of several new gadgets that actually pump the air out of the bottle, creating a vacuum. Otherwise, use leftover wine in cooking. When buying wine, shop around. Prices can vary greatly from one wine store to another. Look for specials in your local newspaper. Many stores offer a dis count (generally 10 percent) when you buy by the case (12 bottles per case). If you find you like a particular wine, you might want to consider buying it at a good price, by the case. Another way to buy good wine at reduced prices is to go to the source. Wineries are cropping up in most regions of the country, and visiting one on a tasting tour makes for a fine weekend excursion. Store wine bottles in a cool, dark place, preferably on their sides.

Aperitifs
Aperitifs include Lillet, Dubonnet, Cam pari, Cinzano, dry or sweet vermouths, and sherry. They are generally offered as a before-meal choice along with other cocktails, but sherry may also be the first wine offered at dinner and can also be served at lunch or supper.

Sherry is generally served from a decanter at room temperature and poured into small, V-shape glasses. If you don't have sherry glasses, small wine glasses or liquor glasses are suitable substitutes. Sherry can stand being decanted almost indefinitely without spoiling. Other aperitifs are served according to preference, either in small old fashioned glasses with ice, or chilled or at room temperature in a small aperitif glass.

White Wine
White wines should be served chilled-around 4YF-but never ice cold, which tends to overwhelm the taste. Chilling can take place in the refrigerator for a couple of hours before serving, or wine may be cooled in a bucket or cooler filled with a mixture of ice and cold water. (Some whites, such as Chardonnays, can be chilled in less than two hours before serv ing.) The actual melting of the ice in the water will cool the wine faster than if it is immersed in cracked ice alone. If you live in a cold-weather region, try using snow instead of ice in your bucket; it's an eye-pleasing way to chill white wines. Drawing the cork and turning the bottle from time to time will hasten the cooling. Traditionally, white wines were served with white meats such as fish and chicken and with fruit and salads. This custom has become more relaxed, since many people drink white wine as their cocktail and prefer to continue drinking it throughout the meal, no matter what the entree is. Unlike red wine, white wine contains no sediment; therefore, the bottle may be upended to empty it. Serve white wine in tulip-shaped, stemmed glasses.

Red Wine
Red wines, for the most part, are served at a cool room temperature, preferably the same tempera ture it would be if kept in a wine cellar-approxi mately 60F to 6YE If your wine is too cool, warm it by placing your hands around the bowl of the glass, or by leaving it out at room temperature at least 10 minutes before serving. Traditionally, full-bodied red wines are served with beef, lamb, and robust pasta sauces although, as with white, red wines are often drunk regardless of the entree as a wine of preference. This is particularly true if you are serving a light red wine, such as a Beaujolais.

Serve red wines in round-bowled, stemmed glasses that are wider at the rim than white-wine glasses. Rose wines of the nonsparkIing variety are in the red wine family but should be served very chilled. They nicely complement lighter entrees such as fish, veal, chicken, and fruit.

Sparkling Wine
The sparklers, which shine at celebrations of all sorts, come in many forms, from the sparkling white wine known as champagne to sparkling rose wines and sparkling burgundies. Champagne, above all other beverages, is emblematic of a very special occasion. When other wines are included, champagne is generally served with the meat course, but when it is the only wine it is served as soon as the first course has begun. Its proper temperature depends upon its quality. Only the sparkling wines that are made in the Champagne district of France are true Champagnes. Champagnes made from American-grown grapes are labeled "methode Champagne." Champagne of nonvintage quality can be placed in the refrigerator for a day and then chilled further in a cooler filled with ice and a pinch or two of salt. Occasionally hold the bottle by the neck and turn it back and forth a few times. Take care not to leave the bottle in the salt and ice for a long time, or the champagne may be transformed to sherbet; check it regularly. When opening, be sure to wrap the bottle in a towel or napkin as protection in case the cork ejects too fast and champagne spills over. There are two shapes of champagne glasses, coupe-shaped and flutes. Coupe-shaped glasses generally have hollow stems, which cause the champagne to warm because of the heat of the fingers holding the stem. A flute tends to prolong the life of the effervescent bubbles that distinguish champagne from other wines. Ideally, champagne glasses should be as thin as soap bubbles. Thick glasses raise the temperature at which a really fine champagne should be served and spoil its perfection. If you only have thick glasses on hand, keep them chilled in the refrigerator until the moment the champagne is to be poured.

Dessert Wine

After-dinner drinks, such as cognac or Frangelica, are served at room tempera ture and often accompany coffee. Sauternes and other sweet wines are generally served with dessert, chilled. For glasses, you'll need: Brandy snifters, either large or small, to serve cognac or Armagnac Small, stemmed glasses for sweet liqueurs Regular wine glasses to serve port Small old-fashioned glasses for white or green crme de menthe to be served over cracked ice.

Wine Glass Placement

If you are serving a variety of wines with dinner, glasses are generally arranged according to size so that the smaller ones are not hidden behind the larger ones. The water goblet is placed directly above the knives at the right of the plate. The champagne glass is next to it at a slight distance to the right. The red or white wineglass is positioned in front of and between the water goblet and champagne glass. If you have several wineglasses, always set them according to size, with the largest ones on the left, starting with the water goblet. The sherry glass is placed either to the right or in front of the wineglass. If you don't want to group the wineglasses, place them in a straight row slanting downward from the water goblet at the upper left to the sherry glass at the lower right.

Serving Wine
First of all, have the water glasses filled just before the guests enter the dining room or as soon as they are seated. After all of the water glasses are filled, you may then serve the wine. An opened bottle is placed on the table in front of the host, preferably on a coaster or wine holder to prevent any drops from soiling the tablecloth. If there are several guests, a second bottle is placed at the other end of the table and the host asks the person at that end to assist him in pouring. If the dinner party has a wait staff, servers should go to the right side of each guest and quietly ask whether he or she would care for wine. Glasses are then filled from the right-and should never be lifted up from the table to meet the bottle. If more than one wine is being served the host should instruct the servers ahead of time, if necessary,

which glasses are to be used for which wine. During the dinner or the serving of a course, a server keeps an eye on each guest's glass and carefully refills it when he sees it is empty. If you don't want wine, simply say, "No, thank you" when the server comes around. Never cover your glass with your hand or turn the glass upside down to indicate that you are not partaking.

Wine Grapes
Most of the fine wines in the world are made from a select group of grapes, called "noble" grapes for their sterling pedigree. The names below are among the most familiar wines in most restaurants and wine stores around the country.
CHARDONNAY

Full, ripe, and fruity; when aged in oak barrels can have an oaky taste Chicken, rice, pasta
SAUVIGNON BLANC

Crisp, dry wine, with either citric or grassy undertones Fish, shellfish, vegetable
RIESLING

Slightly sweeter than either Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc Lighter fish, pork tenderloin, fruits

Toasts and Toasting

Dinner Party Etiquette

The custom of toasting goes back almost as far as history itself. Ancient warriors drank to their pagan gods, Greeks and Romans drank to more gods, and early Norsemen drank to each other. Almost every culture practiced toasting in some form, and the custom gradually evolved into today's toasts to love, friendship, health, wealth, and happiness. One story has it that the term itself originated in England in the seven teenth century, when it was customary to float a bit of toast on a drink. A well known belle of the day was in the public baths (in Bath, where then, as now, the waters were considered salubrious). Her lover scooped up a little of

the bath water, added the customary toast, and, having drunk to her health, offered the glass to a friend. The friend commented that he didn't really want the water but he'd enjoy the toast. At one time or another, it is likely that you will be called upon to propose a toast. It is intimidating enough to get up in front of a group and make a prepared toast; but the thought of being called upon to make an impromptu one can be terrifying. The best solution? Speak from the heart-say exactly what you feel. The heartfelt toast doesn't have to be long, and if you do panic when called on unexpectedly, you can get away with something as brief as "To Ken, God bless him," or "To Greta-a wonderful friend for many years." But if you want to say something a tad more eloquent or profound, dip into your bag of memories and share a reminiscence. Or tell a relevant anec dote. Or shower the honoree with (sincere) praise. A touch of humor is rarely out of place. The toast should always, however, be in keeping with the occasion and in good taste.

Toasting Etiquette
At a dinner party, it is the host or hostess's prerogative to offer the first toast. If none is offered, a guest may certainly propose a toast to the hosts. If one of the hosts has given the first toast, a guest may propose a second one. At informal dinners anyone may propose a toast as soon as wine or champagne is served. The toasters need not drain their glasses. A small sip each time allows one to drink numerous toasts from one serving. Years ago you could toast only with an alcoholic beverage, but today you can use whatever liquid is available. Nondrinkers should raise their water gob let or glass of soda. Whether you drink or not, you must rise and join in the spirit at least-it is extremely discourteous to remain seated. On ceremonial occasions there is generally a toastmaster, and if not, the chairman of the committee or the president of the organization proposes the necessary toasts at the end of the meal, and before any speeches.
Etiquette for Replying to a Toast

The person being toasted does not rise or drink the toast. Instead the honoree rises and drinks to his or her toasters in return, either saying, "Thank you," or proposing his own toast to them. Or, the reply to a toast may simply be a smile and a nod in the direction of the speaker or a raise of

the glass toward the speaker in a gesture of "Thanks, and here's to you, too," after the toast has been completed. For guidance on toasting etiquette and examples of prepared toasts see the toasts and toasting etiquette main page.

Table Manner Tips

There is no getting away from the need for good table manners, and knowing how to act at a dinner table is going to make your job of being a guest or gracious host a lot easier and more enjoyable not to mention the favorable impression youll make on others. Read through the following 100 table manner tips to brush up on your dining etiquette skills. For a comprehensive table manners guide, read our step-bystep table manners section.

Table Manners Tip #1 - Tasting

Accepting another person's offer to taste a morsel of her dish - or offering a bite of yours are acceptable table manners as it's handled unobtrusively. Either hand your fork to the person, who can spear a bite-sized piece from her plate and hand the fork back to you, or (if the person is sitting close by) hold your plate toward her so that she can put a morsel on the edge. Don't be tempted to hold a forkful of food to somebody's mouth or reach over and spear something off someone else's plate.

Table Manners Tip #2 - Excusing Yourself

When you need to get up to go to the restroom, it isn't necessary to say where you're going-a simple "Excuse me, please; I'll be right back" is sufficient. At other times, a brief explanation is in order: "Please excuse me while I check with the babysitter." Leaving without a word is rude.

Table Manners Tip #3 - Posture

You needn't sit stiff as a rail at the dinner table, but hunching your shoulders over the plate (a posture often associated with using a fork like a shovel) is a definite "do not." Likewise, slouching back in your chair (which makes it look as if you're not interested in the meal) is not appropriate when eating with others.

Table Manners Tip #4 - Elbows

As for not putting your elbows on the table, this drummed-into-us taboo applies only when you are actually eating. It's a different story when no utensils are being used; in fact, putting your elbows on the table while leaning forward a bit during a mealtime conversation shows that you're listening intently.

Table Manners Tip #5 - Fidgeting

When waiting for the food to arrive or after the meal, you may want to keep your hands in your lap, if only to resist the temptation of fiddling with the utensils or other items. Refrain from drumming your fingers, jiggling your knee, or other fidgety habits, and always keep your hands away from your hair.

Table Manners Tip #6 - Cutting Food

Cut your food into only one or two bite-sized pieces at a time. Doing this makes sense, since a plateful of cut-up food is not only unattractive but cools and dries out more quickly than food that is mostly intact. (The exception to the rule is when you help a young child cut his food.)

Table Manners Tip #7 - Seasoning Food

When at a dinner party or restaurant, always taste your food be fore seasoning it. Hastily covering a dish with salt or drowning it in ketchup implies that you think the cook's creation needs improving on.

Table Manners Tip #8 - Chewing Food

Once you start to eat, don't literally bite off more than you can chew: Take a manageable bite, chew it well, and swallow it before taking another. Also remember that smacking, slurping, and collecting food in a ball in one cheek are major faux pas. When you have a mouthful of food, avoid two more things: taking a drink and talking. If you have more than a few words to say, swallow your food, rest your fork on your plate, and speak before you resume eating.

Table Manners Tip #9 - Reaching

Just how close does something on the table have to be before you reach out and get it yourself? That's simple: within easy reach of your arm when you're leaning only slightly forward. Don't lean past the person sitting next to you or lunge to perform what's known as the boardinghouse reach. A

request to "please pass the [item]" is required for everything beyond that invisible boundary, as is a thank-you to whoever does the passing.

Table Manners Tip #10 - Asking for a Second Helping

The circumstances determine whether or not it is acceptable to ask for a second helping. It is not acceptable at a formal dinner but is permissible at an informal one. If there are no helpers and the host has served the entree from a sideboard, he or the hostess will usually urge guests to pass their plates for a second helping. To do this, leave the silver on the plate, making sure it is securely positioned. Never hold your silver in your hand or put it on the tablecloth when you pass your plate. As a courtesy, when only one person takes a second helping a considerate hostess will take a little too that way, her guest won't feel self-conscious or that he is holding everyone else up.

Table Manners Tip #11 - Unfamiliar Food

You're faced with unfamiliar foods. If a food you're not sure how to eat comes on a platter of appetizers - a type of sushi, perhaps, or crab in the shell - you, as a polite diner, have three choices of how to proceed: (1) Wait until someone else starts to eat and follow suit. (2) Ask how the food should be eaten (fingers or fork, for example). (3) Avoid the food altogether.

Table Manners Tip #12 - Using a Finger Bowl

If you encounter a finger bowl (used either after eating a hands-on meal such as lobster or at a more formal meal when dessert is served), dip your fingers into the water and then dry them with your napkin.

Table Manners Tip #13 - Hot Towels

In some upscale restaurants, steamed hand towels are brought to diners at the end of the meal. Use the towel to wipe your hands and, if necessary, the area around your mouth. (Wiping the back of your neck or behind your ears is best not done in a restaurant.) Most waiters will take the towel away as soon as you've finished, If not, leave the towel at the left of your plate, on top of your loosely folded napkin.

Table Manners Tip #14 - Eating Quietly

The essence of good table manners is unobtrusiveness, a courtesy that includes eating quietly. Noise impedes conversation. Scraping a plate or loudly chewing ice is unpleasant to listen to and considered impolite.

Table Manners Tip #15 - Make Good Use of Your Napkin

Remember to make good use of your napkin, wiping your fingers as necessary. Also use a small area of the napkin to blot your lips fairly often.

Table Manners Tip #16 - Wayward Food

If a piece of food keeps eluding your fork, don't push it onto the tines with your finger. Instead, use a piece of bread or your knife as a pusher.

Table Manners Tip #17 - Sopping with Bread

Sop up extra gravy or sauce only with a piece of bread on the end of a fork; the soaked bread is then brought to the mouth with the fork.

Table Manners Tip #18 - Take Small Bites

Take only enough food to chew and swallow in one easy bite. Moreover, it makes conversation easier.

Table Manners Tip #19 - Don't Drink with a Full Mouth

To avoid leaving food on the rim of the vessel, make sure the mouth is free of food and blot the lips with a napkin before taking a sip of beverage.

Table Manners Tip #20 - Hot Beverages

To test the temperature of a hot beverage, take a single sip from the side of the spoon. When the sip proves too hot, give the beverage time to cool before lifting the cup to the mouth. When an extremely hot beverage is sipped, take a quick sip of water to decrease the effect of the burn

Table Manners Tip #21 - Removing Unwanted Food from your Mouth
Food is removed from the mouth in the manner in which it is put into the mouth. Food put into the mouth with a utensil is removed with a utensil. When fingers are used to eat food, for example, plums or chicken wings, the pit or bone is removed with fingers. The exception is fish eaten with a fork: because tiny bones fall between fork tines, they are removed with fingers. To remove spoiled food, cover the mouth with one hand, remove the morsel with the other hand, place it on the plate, and cover it with another portion of food (if possible). In a private residence, rather than embarrass the hostess by telling her that a particular dish contains foreign matter or is

tainted, eat from the unspoiled portion. But if this is not possible, move the portion around on the plate so it looks as if you are eating, and leave the tainted part alone. In a restaurant, tell the server so he or she may make a replacement.

Table Manners Tip #22 - Something Caught in your Teeth

A toothpick is an offensive sight in operation. When food is caught between the teeth that is annoying or uncomfortable, wait to remove it privately.

Table Manners Tip #23 - Sneezing, Coughing, Blowing your Nose

When sneezing or coughing at the table is unavoidable, cover your nose or mouth with a napkin and proceed as quietly as possible. Except in an emergency, don't use a napkin to blow your nose. Use a handkerchief instead and turn your head to the side.

Table Manners Tip #24 - Burps

When a burp is coming on, cover the mouth with a napkin, quietly burp, and softly say, "Excuse me." For an attack of hiccups, excuse yourself from the table until they have passed. Rather than draw attention to the condition on return (and interrupt conversation) do not apologize in a public way. Instead, say "Sorry" quietly to the hostess and let it go at that.

Table Manners Tip #25 - Yawns

In some cultures the breath is associated with man's spirit. To prevent the soul from escaping or an evil spirit from entering the body, the mouth is covered when a yawn cannot be suppressed. This custom prevails in our society today.

Table Manners Tip #26 - Finger Food

When finger food is taken from a tray, place it on the plate (to do otherwise defeats the purpose of the plate). Don't lick your fingers; use a napkin (that's what it's for). When in doubt about whether to use fingers or a utensil to eat a particular food, watch those about you and proceed accordingly. If you're still in doubt, follow common sense and use a utensil, usually a fork, which is the most versatile implement.

Table Manners Tip #27 - Dunking Food

Dunked food leaves crumbs on the rim of a cup or glass, and is frowned on at a private party or in a public place.

Table Manners Tip #28 - Using Two Utensils

Food served on a plate is eaten with a fork, and food served in a bowl is taken with a spoon. When two eating utensils or two serving utensils are presented together, such as a fork and spoon, the fork is used to steady the portion, and the spoon to cut and convey the bite to the mouth.

Table Manners Tip #29 - Using the Wrong Utensil

At one time or another everyone uses the wrong utensil, and it is not a cause of concern. Rather, remedy the situation, quietly, without apology or calling attention to the error, and forget it!

Table Manners Tip #30 - Using a Utensil to Push Food

In formal dining the knife is used to push food against the fork. At informal meals, a knife or a piece of bread is used as a pusher, forexample, to push salad onto a fork.

Table Manners Tip #31 - Missing Utensils

In a private residence, when a place setting is laid without a necessary utensil, such as a knife, tell the hostess so she may correct it. When a serving utensil is missing, rather than use one's eating utensil, inform the hostess so she may remedy the situation for the benefit of all the guests.

Table Manners Tip #32 - Soiled Utensils

In a private residence, the table setting is a reflection of the hosts' ability. Rather than embarrass the hostess by wiping a soiled utensil clean, suffer in silence. But a restaurant table setting is an impersonal expression that does not reflect on the host; if a soiled utensil is laid on the table, ask the waiter for a clean one.

Table Manners Tip #33 - Dropped Utensils

At a formal affair when a utensil is dropped on the floor, leave it for the butler to retrieve -it is part of his job. He will make a replacement for you. At an informal meal, quietly retrieve a dropped utensil yourself: and if it may have caused stains or damage of any kind, offer to make a replacement or a repair.

Table Manners Tip #34 - One Thing at a Time

Do one thing at a time at the table. If you want to sip your wine, temporarily rest your fork or knife on the plate.

Table Manners Tip #35 - An Improperly Set Table

What to do if the table is improperly set. Don't rearrange an improperly arranged place setting and offend the hostess. In a restaurant, where an improperly set table does not reflect on the skills of the host, quietly rearrange the ware for comfort.

Table Manners Tip #36 - What to do with your Hands

Where to place the hand when eating. To avoid creating an obstruction to your dinner partner, when holding a utensil, rest your other hand in your lap. When not holding any utensils, both hands remain in the lap.

Table Manners Tip #37 - Spilled Food

Spilled food. When a guest spills food at a formal affair, a butler takes the appropriate action. But at an informal meal, the diner quietly and quickly lifts the food with a utensil and places it on the side of his plate. However, if food is spilled on another guest, the diner apologizes and offers to pay for cleaning (but lets the other person wipe up the debris)

Table Manners Tip #38 - Garnish on a Platter

When a platter contains a combination of foods, such as meat, potatoes, vegetable, and garnish, take a moderate serving of each, including the garnish. However, if the removal of garnish will overly disturb the appearance of the platter, leave it. If a course is presented that contains another food underneath, such as toast or lettuce, take the entire portion.

Table Manners tip #39 - Servings from a Platter

When a platter of pre-sliced food is presented, and each slice is an ample size, take one serving. But if the slices are small, and it looks as if there are enough servings for each guest to have two, take two for yourself. As a courtesy to the last guest, make sure to leave enough food on the platter so he or she has a choice from several portions. Rather than rummage through a platter and disturb the look of the presentation, take the portion nearest to you.

Table Manners Tip #40 - How Many Pieces of Food to Eat

How many pieces of food to eat at one time. To avoid a messy plate, cut one bite at a time, and not more than two pieces.

Table Manners Tip #41 - Assisting with Service

Assisting with service at the table. At a formal affair domestic help is provided and guests do not assist with service, except to move the shoulders slightly make service easier. At an informal meal, help generally is not provided and the guests assist with service by passing the dishes nearest to them. To avoid congestion, serveware is passed to the right and the guests do not delay service by helping themselves along the way (unless it is suggested that they do so).

Table Manners Tip #42 - Thanking for Service

Thanking for service. Each time service is provided at a multi-course meal, verbal acceptance is not necessary because it distracts from the conversation. Acceptance of the course is in itself thanks. But to refuse service, a verbal rejection of "No, thank you," is given. At a simple meal when a serving bowl is passed upon request, it is courteous for the receiver to say, "Thank you." It is not necessary for those who receive a dish in passage to say thank you.

Table Manners Tip #43 - Greeting a Butler or Maid

Greeting a butler or a maid at the table. When a guest knows a maid or a butler, rather than draw attention to the fact and interrupt conversation, give a brief greeting, such as "Nice to see you."

Table Manners Tip #44 - Complimenting the Food

Complimenting the hostess on the food. In the early twentieth century, even modest homes had help. Meals were prepared by a cook and it was impolite to compliment the hostess on the cuisine because it was inappropriate. Today, few people have help, hostesses delight in food preparation, and a compliment on the cuisine is appreciated. However, there are those who still hold that the conversation is more important than the food and a compliment on the menu or a particular course distracts from the discourse and is inappropriate at a party. The decision, therefore, is individual.

Table Manners Tip #45 - Holding Dinner for a Late Guest

Rather than delay dinner for everyone to accommodate the arrival of a late guest, dinner is held no longer than 15 to 20 minutes At a formal occasion, when a guest arrives late to a dinner or luncheon, a butler or maid answers the door (so as not to interrupt the table conversation), and the hostess remains seated. The latecomer goes to the hostess immediately, offers a brief explanation, and is served the course in progress. If the latecomer arrives during dessert, as a courtesy the hostess sees that a dinner plate is made up for him or her. At an informal meal, the host answers the door and greets the latecomer, who makes a brief explanation to the hostess. When the latecomer is a gentleman, the other men at the table remain seated. But, if the latecomer is a lady, as a courtesy, all the gentlemen rise and the man on her left helps her into her seat.

Table Manners Tip #46 - Cocktail Glasses at the Dinner Table

A cocktail glass is not brought to the dinner table because water and several wines are served with the multi-course meal. The extra glass crowds the place setting and disturbs the symmetry of the table. Moreover, the taste of grain-based spirits nulli fies the flavor of wine served with the meal. Simply leave the cocktail glass in the room where cocktails are taken.

Table Manners Tip #47 - Escorting Ladies to the Dinner Table

At a formal dinner generally the host escorts the lady of honor into the dining room first. The remaining guests enter the dining room in whatever order they choose. The hostess enters the dining room last, accompanied by the man of honor. There are a few exceptions to this custom. At a formal meal the hostess is the last to enter the dining room, and the ladies sit down without waiting for her. At an informal meal, the ladies sit before or after the hostess is seated, whichever is convenient.

Table Manners Tip #48 - Dignitaries Entering the Dining Room

If the guest of honor is a high-ranking male dignitary, such as the president of a country, he enters the dining room first with the hostess. The host enters the dining room second with the dignitary's wife. When the guest of honor is a high-ranking female dignitary, such as the prime minister of a country, she enters the dining room first with the host. The dignitary's husband follows with the hostess.

Table Manners Tip #49 - Guests Entering the Dining Room at an Informal Dinner
At an informal dinner, the guests enter the dining room in whatever order is convenient. When seating arrangements are not designated by place cards, usually the hostess enters the dining room first to tell everyone where to sit.

Table Manners Tip #50 - Place Cards

Place cards identify the places people are to sit; they are used to eliminate confusion when more than six people dine together. At formal affairs, which usually involve a large group, individual places are always designated by place cards. But an informal dinner is a less structured occasion; when place cards are not provided, the hostess tells the guests where to sit or asks them to find their own places (although this is not always a good practice because mix-ups can occur as guests try to seat themselves in alternate male-female positions).

Table Manners Tip #51 - Place of Honor

History accords the place of honor to the right side because most people are right-handed. A gentleman draws out the chair for the lady seated on his right, pushes her chair into place, and seats himself. The host seats the lady on his right. The hostess is helped by the gentleman seated on her left. To avoid congestion, it is easier if ladies approach their chairs from the right.

Table Manners Tip #52 - When to Sit

When all the women are seated, the men sit down.

Table Manners Tip #53 - A Purse at the Dinner Table

Because a purse on the table crowds and disturbs the symmetry of the table setting, in a private residence it is left wherever the hostess suggests, such as in a bedroom or on a chair. In a restaurant or public place, to avoid having a purse stolen, it is held on the lap or placed close at hand on a banquette. For the brave at heart, it is laid on the floor by one's chair or hung from the back of the chair (if this does not inhibit ser vice or tempt theft).

Table Manners Tip #54 - Lipstick at the Dinner Table

A lady should refrain from replenishing lipstick before coming to the table in order to prevent an imprint of lipstick on the rim of a glass or a napkin. To

avoid leaving a soiled crumply napkin on the table for others to see, when you leave the table temporarily, place the napkin on the seat of the chair. If the chair seat is upholstered, to avoid staining the fabric, the napkin is laid soiled side up.

Table Manners Tip #55 - When to Begin Eating at a Banquet

At a banquet, where throngs of people are served, in the interest of enjoying the hot courses at the right temperature, eating commences as soon as those on either side are served.

Table Manners Tip #56 - When to Begin Eating at a Buffet

At a meal served buffet style, eating commences when one is ready.

Table Manners Tip #57 - Eat Slowly

Savor the meal and eat slowly; it encourages conversation and conviviality.

Table Manners Tip #58 - Smoking

Smoking at the table. A lighted cigarette is never taken to the table. Smoking is offensive to nonsmokers and dulls the palate. A table laid without ashtrays indicates that the hostess does not wish her guests to smoke. But if ashtrays are provided, before proceeding to smoke and as a courtesy to oth ers, ask the hostess for permission. Because some people are allergic to smoke, wait until the table is cleared for dessert or hold off until dessert is finished. Never use a dessert plate or a saucer as an ashtray.

Table Manners Tip #59 - Electronic Devices

Turn off or silence all electronic devices before entering the restaurant. If you forgot to turn off your cell phone, and it rings, immediately turn it off. Do not answer the call. Do not text, and if you have a Blackberry or iphone, do not browse the Internet at the table

Table Manners Tip #60 - Hats and Caps

Assuming that you are asking about casual hats such as baseball caps, then the following applies: Although commonly seen in casual restaurants, it's really not proper etiquette to keep a hat on when eating. Some etiquette experts may advise taking off a hat when eating outdoors, too. However, wearing any type hat is becoming more acceptable in fast food restaurants.

Table Manners Tip #61 - Doggy Bags

It is fine to take leftover food home from a restaurant, except if on a date or business lunch or dinner.

Table Manners Tip #62 - Courtesy

Always say thank you when served something.

Table Manners Tip #63 - Food on Your Partner's Face

Your dining partner has food on his face? If you notice a speck of food on someone's face (or, in the case of a man, on his beard), you're doing them a favor by subtly calling attention to it. You might signal silently by cocking an eyebrow while using your index finger to lightly tap your chin or whatever part of the face is affected. As prevention for yourself, the occasional dab with your napkin will help ensure no wayward hits of food stay put for long.

Table Manners Tip #64 - Family Style Meals

Often, "family style" means that the host or hostess serves the meat, but the other dishes are passed around with each diner helping himself. These dishes, too, are passed counterclockwise. Men do not offer the dish to the women on their right first, but help themselves when the dish reaches them. A man may then, if he wishes, hold the dish while the woman next to him serves herself. At a family meal, plates may be served in the kitchen and brought out to the table. It is better not to do this when guests are present, however. Guests should have the prerogative of serving themselves. Exceptions: individually arranged dishes, such as eggs Benedict, that must be put together in the kitchen.

Table Manners Tip #65 - Be at Ease

Being at ease at the table-whether for dinner, breakfast, or lunch-means being able to thoroughly enjoy the company and the cuisine. If you spend your minutes at the table being anxious about doing the right thing at the right time, the pleasure that communal meals can bring is dissipated. A review of the fol lowing will help make any host or guest at any table comfortable, relaxed, and proficient at gracious dining.

Table Manners Tip #66 - Chewing Food Well and Slowly

Do chew your food well, putting your utensils down between bites.

Table Manners Tip #67 - Guarding Your Food

Don't encircle your plate with your arm.

Table Manners Tip #68 - Your Pinky

Don't crook your finger when picking up a cup or glass. It's an affected mannerism.

Table Manners Tip #69 - Leaving a Soup in Your Cup or Bowl

Don't leave your spoon in your cup, soup bowl, or stemmed glass.

Table Manners Tip #70 - Cutting Food Into Many Bites

Don't cut up your entire meal before you start to eat. Cut only one or two bites at a time.

Table Manners Tip #71 - Restaurant Buffets

When you are dining at a restaurant buffet, never go back to the buffet for a refill with a dirty plate. Leave it for the waitperson to pick up and start afresh with a clean plate.

Table Manners Tip #72 - Sugar, Cracker, or Cream Packets

If sugar, crackers, cream, or other accompaniments to meals are served with paper wrappers or in plastic or cardboard containers, the wrappers should be crumpled up tightly and either tucked under the rim of your plate or placed on the edge of the saucer or butter plate. Don't put them in the ashtray if smokers are present, since their lighted cigarettes could easily set the paper on fire.

Table Manners Tip #73 - Serving Coffee and Tea in a Restaurant

If coffee or tea is placed on the table without first having been poured by the waiter, the person nearest the pot should offer to pour, filling his or her own cup last.

Table Manners Tip #74 - Selecting Wine in a Restaurant

Memorizing the different characteristics of each variety, region, and country can be daunting. If you dont have the time or inclination to study, just remember that the following food-friendly wines will pair well with almost anything and are generally available in several prices:
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If youd like to order a red wine, choose a Pinot Noir. The Burgundy region of France and California produce quality Pinot Noirs. Pinots from Washington and Oregon are also good choices. If youd like a white wine, select a Riesling from Germany or the Alsace region of France. Drier Rieslings pair especially well with most foods.

If you have the time and want to expand your horizons, you can obtain a copy of the restaurants wine list and review it beforehand. The lists are commonly available on the Internet, can be received by fax, or you can stop by the restaurant and obtain one in person. This will give you time to study the varieties, wineries, and vintages on the list. You can also learn how to correctly pronounce the names of the wines.

Table Manners Tip #75 -Ordering Wine by the Glass

Most restaurants offer a smaller selection of wines by the glass, so that you dont have to purchase an entire bottle. This gives you a chance to experiment with a few different wines. When ordering wine by the glass, you should be aware that you may be getting wine from a previously opened bottle. You should ask the server when the bottle was opened. If it has been open for one or more days, you may want to make another selection.

Table Manners Tip #76 - Decanting Wine

Stand the bottle upright. Let it stand that way as long as possible so the sediment falls to the bottom of the bottle. A couple of days is ideal, but even thirty minutes is helpful. Remove the cork without disturbing the sediment.

Table Manners Tip #77 - Prayers

It is well to remember that you are in another person's house and their customs should hold. If your hostess asks you to join hands or bow your head is not asking too much for you to accomodate her in this regard. Conversely, if you feel strongly about your religious tradition and are in the home of a person who pointedly does not pray before meal time, do not be ostentatious in your ritual. Be meek and humble, say your prayer silently and reverently to yourself and proceed with the meal.

Table Manners Tip #78 - Hot Soup

If soup is too hot, stir it, dont blow.

Table Manners Tip #79 - Nakin in Your Lap

The meal begins when the host starts to unfold her napkin. This is the signal for you to do the same. Typically, you want to put your napkin on your lap within the first 10 seconds after sitting down.

Table Manners Tip #80 - Napkin as a Signal at Meal's End

The host will signal the end of the meal by placing her napkin on the table.

Table Manners Tip #81 -Orthodontic Appliances

Keep braces clean. Watch what you eat. Bring brush and floss.

Table Manners Tip #82 - Ready to Order

To show you are ready to order, close your menu and place it on the table.

Table Manners Tip #83 - Asking Questions

Cheeseburgers, French fries, and soft drinks are easy for most people to pronounce, and you know what youre getting. French, Italian, Chinese and other foreign restaurants may be another story. Unless you are fluent in these languages or have eaten at these types of restaurants before, youll probably need to ask questions about items on the menu or about service.

Table Manners Tip #84 - Restaurant Ordering Sequence

How to order will depend upon whether youre the host or guest, what type of meal youre going to be eating, how many people are at the table, and whether the guests are male or female. The host is the person that will be paying the check. His order is generally taken last. In a group, the server may decide how the ordering will proceed. Normally, womens are taken first.

Table Manners Tip #85 - Time a Meal in a Restaurant

If attending diner before another engagement or are on a schedule, its okay to speed up the pace of the meal.
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Let your server know you are on a schedule and ask him to recommend something that can be prepared in a short amount of time.

If you want to length a meal, let your server know youd like to finish drinks before you order your first course and that there is no need to rush between courses

Table Manners Tip #86 - Ordering Cheese in a Restaurant

If having cheese, as the waiter if the cheese is currently in the refrigerator. If so, ask this staffer to remove it at the onset of the meal so that the cheese will be at room temperature by the time you are ready to eat it.

Table Manners Tip #87 - Arriving at a Restaurant

As the host, you should always try to arrive at the restaurant before your guests. You may wait for your guests in the foyer of the restaurant or at your table, but if you choose to wait at your table, give the maitre d a description of your guests and ask him to direct them to your table. If one or more guests are ten minutes late, ask the maitre d to seat the group and show the other guests to the table upon their arrival. Once seated, the punctual guests can order drinks and examine the menu. After waiting 15 or 20 minutes, the group should order their meals.

Table Manners Tip #88 - Approaching the Table in a Restaurant

When being seated, if the maitre d leads the group to the table, the guests should follow the maitre d and the host should follow the guests. If the maitre d does not lead the group, the host should lead.

Table Manners Tip #89 - Being Serviced in a Restaurant

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the waiter serves food from you left and beverages from your right side. when the waiter offers you a platter, help yourself with the serving fork in your left hand and the serving spoon in your right. foods and beverages are passed around the table clockwise.

Table Manners Tip #90 - When to Begin Eating

At tables with eight people or fewer, begin eating only after all the other guests are served and the host or guest of honor has started to eat. If there is no guest of honor or host, begin eating after everyone has been served. At large events begin eating only when the guests on each side of you have been served.

Table Manners Tip #91 - Handling Bread

If you find that the bread basket has been set close to your place setting, offer it to the table by passing it to your right. If the loaf is uncut, cut a few slices and return the loaf and slices to the basket. When slicing the bread, use the cloth in the basket to cover one end of the loaf before you grasp it. As the basket is passed, guests should slice it for themselves as needed. When the basket is returned to you, take a piece and place it on your bread plate. Use your butter knife to retrieve a healthy portion of butter and place it on the edge of your bread plate. It is customary to leave the last piece of bread in the basket. Ask the waiter for more if you like. When eating your piece of bread, break off a small piece with your hands, butter it, and eat it. Do not tear off more than one piece at a time.

Table Manners Tip #92 - Sorbet

At some formal dinners, sorbet will be served after the first course or after the entre. This is not dessert. It is a palate cleanser. Eat it before eating the next course.

Table Manners Tip #93 - Cheese in a Restaurant

If a cheese course is ordered, a fromager or fromagere may bring the cheese tray or cart to your table prior to dessert. The fromager should help make cheese selections and suggest cheese and wine pairings.

Table Manners Tip #94 - Paying the Check in a Restaurant

If you are the host, inform the waiter or maitre d that you are to receive the check. Once the meal is finished, ask the waiter, not the busboy, for the check. The host should also pay for any coatroom charges or gratuities as guests retrieve their coats. If there is no established host at a business lunch or dinner, the most senior professional is generally responsible for the check. You may also eliminate the need for the check to be brought to the table at all. Upon arriving, ask the maitre d if you can charge the meal to your credit card and instruct them to add their standard service charge.

Table Manners Tip #95 - Tipping

Even if you receive a complimentary meal or wine, you should tip the staff. Base gratuities on the estimated dollar value of the complimentary meal or wine you receive.

There is no need to tip the owner or proprietor of the restaurant, even if he or she serves you. You also do not need to tip the maitre d unless they have done a special favor or arranged a special meal for you. In general there is no need to tip the busboy or the doormen, unless they perform a service other than opening the door. If this is the case, tip the doormen one dollar.

Table Manners Tip #96 - Sending a Dish Back

If you need to send a dish back, dont feel awkward. This is entirely appropriate if your dish is not what you ordered, if it isnt cooked to order, if it tastes spoiled, or if you discover a hair or a pest in the dish. You should discreetly inform the waiter of the situation and ask for a replacement.

Table Manners Tip #97 - Dropping Your Napkin

If you drop your napkin, retrieve it yourself if you can. If retrieval of the napkin would disrupt the meal, ask the waiter for a replacement.

Table Manners Tip #98 - Dropping a Utensil

If you drop a utensil, pick it up yourself if you can and let the waiter know you need a new one. If you cannot reach it, inform the waiter and ask for a replacement.

Table Manners Tip #99 - Problems with the Bill

If there is a problem with the bill, quietly discuss it with the waiter. If the waiter is uncooperative, excuse yourself from the table and ask to speak to the manager.

Table Manners Tip #100 - Dropped Food

If you drop food on the tablecloth or floor, discreetly use your napkin to retrieve it and ask the waiter for a new napkin. If you spill a glass of wine or water, use your napkin to clean up the mess.

Table Manners Tip #101 - Job Interview Tip

On a job interview, follow the hosts lead when ordering food or drink and avoid sloppy or difficult-to-eat dishes. Do not participate in unpleasant or controversial topics of conversation as you never know when something you say might come back to haunt you. Of course, monitor your alcohol intake.

Table Manners Tip #102 - How Much Wine to Order in a Restaurant

A good rule of thumb to determine how many bottles to order is to start with a half bottle per person. If the group includes at least three people, you may try ordering a bottle of red and a bottle of white.

Table Manners Tip #103 - Ordering Wine at the Right Price

A good wine list should have a wide selection of wines priced at the same level as an entre or slightly more. To discreetly inform the sommelier how much you would like to spend without announcing it to the table, start by selecting a wine in the category you are interested in and find a wine at the price point you are comfortable with. Show the sommelier your selection and ask for his opinion, but place your finger on the price, rather than the name, when pointing the wine out. This communicates to the sommelier the price range you are comfortable with.

Table Manners Tip #104 - Reservations

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Call a day or two ahead or a week or two ahead if the restaurant and day are popular. Reconfirm the reservation by calling on the day of your visit. Call the restaurant during meal hours to speak to the official reservationist.

Table Manners Tip #105 - Lemons

To keep from squirting your dinner companion in the eye when squeezing a lemon wedge, follow this method. First, impale the pulp of the lemon wedge on the fork tines. Next, cup your free hand over the lemon and gently squeeze the fruit.

Table Manners Tip #106 - Half a Duck

When served a half duck or chicken, use your knife and fork to cut the wing and leg away from the breast before you start eating any of the meat.

Table Manners Tip #107 - Holding a Wineglass

Wineglasses are held by the stem, not the bowl.

Table Manners Tip #108 - Declined Credit Card

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Do not call attention to the situation, or get defensive If card continues to be declined, and do not have enough ready cash to pay, ask to pay by check, visit the nearest ATM, or return the next day with cash.

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If the restaurant declines these suggestions, the gentleman has no option but to return to the table and throw self on the mercy of companions. Repay there kindness within 24 hours, repaying them in cash. Do not let such debts linger.