Introduction

Self-awareness is what we call the ability to think about your very thought process. This is what it makes us evaluate and learn from others experiences as well as our own. Until we take how we see ourselves and how we see others into account, we will be unable to to understand how others see and feel about themselves and their world.

OUTLINE:
The social mirror Between stimulus and response proactivity defined

Taking the initiative Act or be acted upon Listening to our language Circle of concern/circle of influence Expanding the circle of influence The have s and the be s The other end of the stick Making and keeping commitments

The Social Mirror (mae)

It comes from the current social paradigm and from the opinions, perceptions, and paradigms of the people around us. The reflection of the current social paradigm tells us we are largely determined by conditioning and conditions. There are three theories of determinism that is widely accepted, independently or in combination. 3 SOCIAL MAPS Genetic Determinism your grandparents did this to you, it s in your DNA. Psychic Determinism your parents did this to you, your upbringing, your childhood experiences. You feel terribly guilty when you make a mistake because you remember

deep inside the emotional scripting when you were very vulnerable and dependent, you remember the emotional punishment, the rejection, the comparison when you did not perform as well as expected. Environmental Determinism someone or something is responsible for your situation. The basic idea is that we are conditioned to respond in a particular way to a particular stimulus.

Between Stimulus and Response (shiela)

Within the freedom to choose are those endowments that makes us uniquely human. We have imagination, the ability to create in our minds beyond our present reality. We have conscience, a deep inner awareness of right and wrong, the principles that govern our behavior, and a sense of the degree to which our thoughts and actions are in harmony with them. We have independent will, the ability to act based on our self-awareness, free of all other influences. Animals and things, like the computer can be programmed or trained to be responsible, but they can t take responsibility for that training. They cannot direct it. They can t change the programming. We can write our own programs, it is what sets us apart from animals, their capacity is limited while man s is unlimited. But when we choose to like animals, out of our own conditioning and conditions we will be limited like them too.

Proactivity Defined (joy)

It means taking initiative. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We have the responsibility to make things happen. responsibility, the ability to choose our response. Hihgly proactive people recognize it. They do not blame circumstances, conditions or conditioning for their behavior. Behavior is product of their own concious choice based on values, rather than a product of their conditions based on feeling. By nature we are proactive, if our lives is a function of conditioning and conditions, it is because we have chosen to empower those things to control us. In making this choice we become reactive. Reactive people are often affected by their physical environment. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn t, it affects their attitude and their performance. Proactive people can carry their own weather with them. Rain or shine makes no

difference to them. They are value driven. And if their value is to produce good quality work then it doesn t matter if rains or not. This would not affect the quality of their work. Reactive people are also affected by their social environment. By the social weather , when people treat them well, they feel well. When people don t, they become defensive or protective. reactive people build their emotional lives around others empowering the weaknesses of other people to control them. Reactive people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment. Proactive people are still influenced by external stimuli, but their response to the stimuli, whether concious or unconcious is a value-based choice or response. Nothing has a greater, longer lasting impression upon another person than the awareness that someone has transcended suffering, transcended circumstance, and is embodying and expressing a value that inspires and ennobles and lifts life. 3 CENTRAL VALUES Experiential what happens to us Creative we bring into existence Attitudinal our response in difficult circumstances. Highest amongst the three values. What matters most is how we respond to what we experience in life. Difficult circumstances often create paradigm shifts, whole frames of reference by which people see the world and themselves and others in it, and what life is asking of them. Their larger perspective reflects the attitudinal values that lift and inspires it all.

Taking the Initiative (khristine)

Our basic nature is to act, not to be aacted upon. As well as enabling us to choose our response to particular circumstances which empowers us to create circumstances. Taking initiative doesn t mean being pushy, obnoxious, or aggressive, but it does mean recognizing our responsibility to make things happen. SOLUTION-SELLING a key paradigm in business sucess. (is when you propose a solutions for specific problems that an organization or business they are interested in are facing. It is also showing how their abilities can help solve the organizations problems.) Many people wait for something to happen or someone to take care of them, what they don t realize is that people who land the good jobs are the proactive ones who are solutions to problems and are not problems themselves. They seize the initiative to do whatever is necessary

in order to get the job done. Holding people to the responsible course is not demeaning, it is affirming By respecting the proactive nature of other people, we provide them with at least one clear undistorted reflection from the social mirror.

Act or Be Acted Upon (mae)

The difference between people who exercise initiative from those who don t is similar to night and day. It takes initiative to develop the 8 habits. Each habit puts the responsibility on you to act. If you wait to be acted upon, then growth and opportunity consequences happen. What is the difference of positive-thinking from proactivity? The difference between positive-thinking and proactivity is that in the latter, you face the reality of the current circumstance and of future projections but you also face the reality that we had the power to choose a positive response to the circumstance and projections. Listening to Our Language Our language is a very real indicator of the degree to which we see ourselves as proactive people. REACTIVE LANGUAGE There s nothing i can do. That s just the way i am. He makes me so mad.They won t allow that. I have to do that. I will choose an appropriate response. I can t. I choose. I must. I prefer. If only. I will. PROACTIVE LANGUAGE Let s look at our alternatives. I can choose a different approach. I can control my own feelings. I can create an effective presentation.

 A problem with reactive language is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They feel that they are not in charge of their life or destiny. They blame outside forces (other people, circumstances and even stars) for the situation they are in.

Circle of Concern/Circle of Influence (shiela)

Another way to become more self-aware regarding our own degree of proactivity is to look for where we focus our time and energy. As we look at the circle of concern, it becomes appparent that there are some things that we have no control and there are those that we can do something about. PROACTIVE FOCUS The focus is on the Circle of influnece.

They work on things that they can do something about.

Nature of energy is positive, enlarging, magnifying, which increases their Circle of Influence.

REACTIVE FOCUS Efforts are focused on the Circle of concern. Focus is on the weaknesses of other people, the Environment and Circumstances over which They have no control. Negative energy generated by that focus, combined with neglect in areas they could do something about causes their Circle of Influence to shrink.

As long as we are working in our circle of concern, we empower the things within it to control us. We aren t taking the initiative necessary to effect positive change. By working on ourselves instead of worrying about the conditions, we will be able to influence the conditions. There are many factors that affect the circumstances in which a person s Circle of Influence is larger than his or her Circle of Concern, like position, wealth, role or relationships. Myopia- a reactive selfish lifestyle focused on the Circle of Concern. Proactive people have a Circle of Concern that is at least as big as their Circle of Influence, accepting the responsibility to use their influence effectively.

The problems we face fall in one of these three areas: DIRECT- problems involving our own behavior.

 INDIRECT- problem involving other people s behavior. NO CONTROL- problems we could do nothing about, such as our past or situational realities. PROACTIVE APPROACH DIRECT INDIRECT NO CONTROL

are solved by working on our habits. They are obviously within our Circle of Influence. Private victories of Habits 1, 2, and 3.

Are solved by changing our methods of influence. Public victories of Habits 4, 5 and 6. Using over 30 separate methods of human influence

Involve taking the responsibility to smile, to genuinely and peacefully accep these problems and learn to live with them even though we don t like them.

Whether the problem is direct, indirect or no control, we have in our hands the first step to the solution. Changing our habits, changing our methods of influence and changing the way we see our no control problems.

Expanding the Circle of Influence (siamak)

In choosing our response to the circumstance, we powerfully affect our circumstance. Proactive people are not pushy, they are smart, value driven, they read reality, and they know what is needed.

(angelo) The Have s and the Be s

The Circle of Concern is filled with the have s . I ll be happy when i have my house paid off. If only i had a more patient husband If only i had more obedient kids.

The Circle of Influence is filled with the be s. I can be more patient.

I can be more wise.

Its the character focus.

Anytime we think the problem is out there , then that thought is the problem. We empower what is out there to control us. OUTSIDE-IN- We think that what is out there has to change before WE can. INSIDE-OUT is the proactive approach. - to effect positive change in what s out there. We are response-able, to control our lives and to powerfully influence our circumstances by working on be , on what we are. If you really want to improve your situation, you can work on the one thing over which you have control, YOURSELF. There are so many ways to work in the Circle of Influence whether to be a better student, to be a better listener, to be a better partner, to be a more cooperative and dedicated employee. Sometimes the most proactive thing we can do is to be HAPPY. Just to genuinely smile, happiness is a proactive choice. As proactive people we can carry our own physical or social weather with us. We can be happy and accept those things that at present we can t control, while we focus our efforts on things that we can.

The Other End of The Stick (joy)

We need to consider two things in our Circle of Concern before we totally shift our focus to Circle of Influence, the consequences & mistakes. While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of those actions. CONSEQUENCES- are governed by natural law. We can decide to step in front of a fast-moving train but we cannot decide what will happen to us when the train hits us. Our behavior is governed by principles. Living with them brings positive consequences; violating them brings negative consequences. We are free to choose our response in any situation, but in doing so, we choose the attendant consequence.

when we pick up one end of the stick, we pick up the other .

MISTAKES are the choices that have brought consequences we would rather have lived without. They are the second thing that merits our deeper thought. The proactive approach to a mistake is to acknowledge it immediately, correct and learn from it. To acknowledge a mistake, not to correct and learn from it is a mistake of a different order. It usually puts a person on a self-deceiving path , often involving rationalization or rational lies to self and to others. This second mistake is a coverup which empowers the first and causes a far deeper injury to self. Our response to any mistake affects the quality of the next moment. It is important to immediately admit and correct our mistakes so that they have no power over that next moment and we are empowered again.

Making and Keeping Commitments (khristine)

Is at the very heart of our Circle of Influence. The commitments we make to ourselves and to others and our integrity to those commitments is the essence of and clearest manifestation of our proactivity. It is the essence of our growth. Through our human endowments of self-awareness and conscience we become conscious of areas of weakness, areas for improvement, areas of talent that could be developed, areas that need to be changed or eliminated from our lives. As we recognize them, we use our imagination and indepedent will to act on that awareness making promises, setting goals and being true to them, we build the strength of character, the being, that makes possible every other positive thing in our lives. It is here that we find two ways to put ourselves in control of our lives immediately. We can make a promise and keep it. Or we can set a goal and work to achieve it. As we begin to establish an inner integrity that gives us awareness of self-control and the courage and strength to accept more of the responsibility for our own lives. The power to make and keep commitments to ourselves is the essence of developing the basic habits of effectiveness.