end the cycle

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars. Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, dont hesitate to reach out. There is help available. Domestic abuse, also referred to as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

No one should live in fear of the person they love.

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partnerconstantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-upchances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.

warning signs

Jerkyl & Hyde

The abuser experiences severe mood swings and the victim may think the abuser has a mental health problem. One minute they can be charming and sweet and the next minute they become angry and explosive. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who beat their partners.

Demanding Attitude
Bossism and demanding attitude are another warning sign of abusive relationships. Y partner might demand you our to cut off social contacts and limit your outings. They may become violent and quickly lose their temper if you keep contact with your friends or relatives. The abusive partner might also demand or force you into sexual activities that you are not comfortable with.

signs of an abusive relationship

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesnt play fair. Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Y abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. our Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abusedespecially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether its coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult. Y deserve to ou feel valued, respected, and safe. Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. No one should have to endure this kind of painand your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.

The abuser comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, pressuring for a commitment and claims Love at first sight.
Extreme Jealousy Quick Involvement

Breaking Objects

This behavior is used as a punishment (breaking treasured possessions), but is mostly used to terrorize the victim into submission. The abuser may break or strike objects near the victim to frighten them or punish them for misbehavior.

Past Battering

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust, but the abuser will say that it is a sign of love. The abuser will question the victim about who they talk to, accuse them of f lirting, or be jealous of time spent with their friends, family, or children. The abuser may refuse to let the victim work or go to school for fear of meeting someone else. The abuser may call the victim frequently or drop by unexpectedly. The abuser may accuse the victim of f lirting with someone else or having an affair.

The abuser comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, pressuring for a commitment and claims Love at first sight or Y oure the only person I could ever talk to, or I never met anyone like you before. Often, in the beginning of a relationship, the abuser is very charming and romantic and the love is intense.

Verbal Abuse

The abuser says cruel and harmful things to their victim, degrades them, curses at them, calls them names, or puts down their accomplishments. The abuser tells their victims they are stupid, and unable to function without them. They embarrass and put down the victim in front of others as well.

The abuser has a history of past battering of partners and although they may admit to that, they say their previous partner provoked them to do it. A batterer will beat any partner they are with if the person is with them long enough for the violence to begin; situational circumstances do not cause a person to have an abusive relationship.

Controlling Behavior

One partner completely rules the relationship and makes the decisions. This includes checking up on the victim, timing a victim when they leave the house, checking the odometer on the car, questioning the victim about where they go. They may also check the victims cell phone for call history, their email or website history. The abuser may control the finances and tries to tell the victim how to dress, who to talk to, and where to go.

Abusers expect their partners to meet all their needs and be perfect.

Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone.

emotional abuse tactics

Intimidation

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When people think of domestic abuse, they often picture battered women who have been physically assaulted. But not all abusive relationships involve violence. Just because youre not battered and bruised doesnt mean youre not being abused. Many men and women suffer from emotional abuse, which is no less destructive. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often minimized or overlookedeven by the person being abused. The aim of emotional abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If youre the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship or that without your abusive partner you have nothing. Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence or other repercussions if you dont do what they want. Y may think that physical ou abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abusesometimes even more so.

Y abuser may use a variety our of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you dont obey, there will be violent consequences.

Threats

Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Y abuser our may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He or she may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.

Denial and Blame

Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Y abusive partner our may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He or she will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, his or her violent and abusive behavior is your fault.

Humiliation

motional abuse

An abuser will do everything he or she can to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. After all, if you believe youre worthless and that no one else will want you, youre less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.

If youre the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship or that without your abusive partner you have nothing.
Isolation Dominance

In order to increase your dependence on him or her, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He or she may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. Y may have to ask ou permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.

Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Y abuser our may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his or her possession.

If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If youre hesitatingtelling yourself that its none of your business, you might be wrong, or the person might not want to talk about itkeep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save his or her life. T to the person in private and alk let him or her know that youre concerned. Point out the things youve noticed that make you worried. T ell the person that youre there, whenever he or she is ready to talk. Reassure the person that youll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let him or her know that youll help in any way you can. Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally abused or battered are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet theyve often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing. Abusive relationships do not change without sustained therapy specifically targeted toward the abusive relationship patterns. These relationships cannot be changed from one side, it takes mutual honesty, openness and willingness from both parties to work through these issues. (People in denial generally recognize their own dysfunctional behavior in others more easily than in themselves.) This applies to the partners of abusers as well group helps them to break through the denial by seeing the relationship patterns from a wider view. Certain personality types are more prone to abusive relationships. If the abuser is unwilling to own their behavior and seek help the prudent course of action is to remove yourself totally from the situation. This is painful, but is generally safer and ultimately better for both parties than allowing the cycle of abuse to continue. Be prepared for the abuse to increase after you leave - stepping out of the cycle enrages the abuser, as it shatters their illusion of control.

stop the abuse. end the cycle.

Learn how to protect and care for yourself. Detachment with love is difficult, but the best solution if your partner is unwilling to work though the issues. Help is readily available for both parties in abusive relationships. These relationships cannot be changed from one side. Remember that by staying you are condoning and enabling the abuse and helping your partner to stay sick. If your partner is unwilling to get help the only safe course of action is to totally remove yourself from the situation and seek help on your own.

75

percent of women killed by their abusive partners are murdered after they leave.
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break
down the
If you are not in an abusive situation yourself, it can be tempting to wonder why someone being abused doesnt simply just walk away and leave their abuser, never to return again. Unfortunately, it isnt always that easy. If you have a friend who is suffering in an abusive relationship, there are many ways in which you can be there for her.

barrier 1

Start the dialogue

Do not be afraid to let your friend know that you are aware of what she is experiencing. T her ell that you do not wish to interfere but that you are deeply worried about her well-being and safety. Stress to her that if she needs your assistance at any time, or needs a shoulder to cry on, you are there for her with no strings attached.

Be a good listener

When someone is in a difficult, abusive situation, he might not appreciate any advice from you, as a friend, especially if he doesnt think that you have been through the same situation or that you can walk in his shoes. In these situations, the best thing that you can do to show your support is by listening patiently and intently, and not making any judgments.

Exercise Tact

Although the thought of someone abusing your close friend might make you want to scream and yell, it is very important to remember that your friend might still be deeply in love with her significant other, even though she is being abused. Try to avoid statements such as I hate him or I want to beat him up for you. Provide some comfort. If your friend decides that he wants to escape the situation he is in, help him organize a strategy. T him that he can stay at your ell house while he gets away from his abuser.

Be encouraging

Try to get your friends thoughts away from her abuser. Encourage her to participate in hobbies and social activities (with family and friends) that will get her out in the world. This can help to make your friend realize that her abuser is not the be-all and the end-all of the planet, and might help her garner up the strength to pick up the pieces and walk away.

Seek Counseling

Although it might be helpful that you are providing your friend with someone to talk to and vent to, he might also need some professional therapy or assistance. Help your friend look for a domestic abuse support group or counseling center in your area. Y can also consider ou contacting an organization such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline to help your friend plan for safety.

Call for Back-up

Call the police if your friend is being physically abused. If you are worried that your friends life is in jeopardy, do not hesitate to contact the police. Although your friend might resent you at first for drawing attention to her situation, she may thank you at a later stage when she is away from her abuser after law enforcement has intervened.

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