Frictions in the Family

To love one’s family, means to be prepared to sacrifice for them

The couple, who are only attracted through sensual and sexual pleasure, can not develop really deep roots
in their relationship; and soon there will often appear deception and cheating.

We should always remember that the presence of God is indispensable in order to gain really true love.

The relationship of a couple is based on living together on a daily basis. Observing and sharing in their
mutual differences permits self-awareness and personal change, which reinforces growth in both
members of this unit of two halves.

To have a husband, a wife, parents or children, must be considered to be a great mercy in this world, and
to take care of them in a proper way is a normal request, something very natural. One should not expect
this to be something simple, though, because to love is to suffer. If I love someone and she becomes ill, I
too will be affected; therefore loving and suffering are synonyms. Indifference means to not care the least,
but this is not very spiritual. To love the family means to be disposed to sacrifice oneself for it. In this
material world, this does not work very well, because the egotism within the individuals is very striking,
and when one's personal interests are underestimated, it is very common to give up one's commitments
and in vain search for happiness elsewhere.

Yet, how can it be possible to search for happiness somewhere else when one has caused others so much
suffering? This is the big illusion; it is the fools' paradise. We have to accomplish our heart-felt
commitments. A person, who wants to overcome frictions in the family, frictions caused by egotism, has
to be very careful with one's domination over the other. To subjugate the weaker with one's own force,
will not lead to any lasting positive effects. On the contrary, problems will arise later on. One can only
overcome the problems in the family when both partners agree about doing things based on mutual
feelings for the common good. If they try for the good of the family with a basis in God, this will give
beautiful results.

Before God, the idea does not exist that I have to step on others for my own good. This exists only in the
world of egotism. In the world of sincere devotion, under the guidance of the spiritual master, when one
invokes the Holy Names and the Holy Scriptures, the idea, to step on others' rights, can not exist. In other
words, God-consciousness is the greatest blessing for the family and will very much help them to
advance.

In the family one has to avoid frictions through reunions, studies of the Scriptures, and the ability to
listen. Through dialogue in the family unit, one needs to have plans both on a short-term and long-term
basis. The man should not forget that the woman is the goddess of fortune, and that nothing but misery
and complaint will come in that home if she is badly treated. There will never again be any goddess of
fortune. The woman has to think that if the man is disposed to protect her, this is a gift from God, and she
has to do her to make this possible so that everything will be harmonious.

For the family to be a complementary unit, both partners need to give up negative competition; meaning
to give up the idea of doing the least possible to obtain the most possible, and instead always think of
how, in the best way, one can be useful to make the family unit so much nicer. This kind of attitude will
bring in so much positive energy to the family, because the competition will be positive; about who will
be the one who gives more, which will result in so much good. Thus frictions in the family must be
considered to be steps for growth and not reasons for despair. Because even in the conflict, the moment
will come when one admits one's own faults. Seen in this positive light, there is nothing bad that brings
no good. The basis of this positive attitude is that the Vedic culture teaches us to dedicate completely to
spiritual life and leave all material concerns aside.

In old age, one should be less attached to material comforts or frustrated about the aging of the body, a
body that is not adjusted to pleasures like before. Material renunciation takes its maximum effect when
the children are grown up and the parents take to travel, as pilgrims, and prepare themselves spiritually in
order to support the preaching of the spiritual master.
Poetry of a child, by Inain Castaneda.
“Dear father and mother”.

Dear father and mother, please, I want us to talk. I know that I am very small, but I see reality as it is.
You both are always quarrelling, and not tolerating each other anymore. Please think with a cool head. I
know that life is hard, but it can be improved. When both of you first met, it was as if you had attained
paradise on earth. But now, with the passing of time, I have clearly heard from both of you that nothing
works, that your love has failed, and that you are going to divorce.

And I don’t understand; if love is the greatest thing, the topmost radiant treasure owned by mankind, why
are you both, ignoring and destroying what is Divine, desiring to separate by taking different paths? And
I, being only a child, find myself at the point of drowning in sorrow. Is it that I did not come into this
world out of a desired love, but in my misfortune, my cause was only due to sexual pleasure?

Dear father and mother, look at how I am crying. I still feel defenceless to start my struggle in life. You
both already know the hardships of life. Don’t make me blame my existence in life without even
beginning it. Please remember your wedding day, after a long kiss, when in front of God you both vowed
eternal and filial love, promising that only death could separate you both. In those days, each others
defects was not important, everything was perfect. Don’t you think it is somewhat late to start to lament?

I don’t understand how adults love each other. If my heart is overflowing with love, there will be no more
room left for more love. Yet, today, without caring for my destiny, you both want me to choose with who
I want to remain. It is a complete absurdity, because you both are my parents, and in reality, without you I
have no one. For me, both of you are one very same self, both of you are my reality. We are a great
family, if we want to see it this way; but this is not being valued, this is the biggest and fatal error. Oh,
father! Oh, mother!”

Srila Guru Maharaj

Translated and interpreted by Manah Siksa devi dasi, Gopini devi dasi & Gopananda dasa