Russel.

R -Advanced 4-

TEENAGERS-PARENTS CONFLICT

“Everyone can see, there’s a change in me. They all say I’m not the same. Kid I
used to be.” (Nikka Costa-first love) The lyrics show the teen girl feels that she was
changes and everyone can see it. The changes happen after she pass her childhood. It is
adolescence. The Latin root of adolescence is esso which means “becoming”. The term of
“adolescence” describe the period which young people are neither children nor adults.
Psychology seems this period as the period of storm and stresses, when the conflict begin
to rise. Since the conflict between teenagers-parents happens because of biological,
cognitive, social, and emotional changes, several actions such as communication,
opportunities to teenagers, and discipline should be taken.
Adolescence begins with a period of physical development marked by a
biological changes that leads to puberty, the maturation of the primary sex organs. For
boys and girls, the time of this process are vary among individuals of both sexes. For
girls, the puberty occurs between the ages of nine and fourteen, with twelve being the
average. Female puberty is characterized by breast development, increase in height and
menstruations begins. Boys start to mature around the age of eleven, more late than girls.
Male puberty marked by increase in height, testicles development that produce sperm,
penis enlargement, broadening of the shoulders, the voice become deep, the growth of
facial hair like moustache and beard, and wet dream.
Jean Piaget-a development psychologist from Swiss-in his theory of cognitive
development says that when someone was adolescence, the cognitive development
entered the formal operational stages. Contrary to concrete operational stages when
childhood, at the formal operational stages, adolescence think more abstract, logic, and
idealistic. Abstract think means that adolescence can build the imagination, hypotesis
and logical reasoning.
Sometimes, when what teens think aren’t match with what their parents think,
teens will be arguing it. Adolescence says that what they think is right and what parents
think is wrong. Parents would listen to their teens than trying to win the debate because
listening doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing. Parents have to be active listener.

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Idealistic means that teens start to think about their ideal things and try to
compare it with others ideal standard. Teens often see that their parents are out of style
and old fashioned. Teens are easily embarrassed with their parents’ looks or dress or by
what their parents say, especially in front of teens friends. When parents appearance and
act aren’t match with teen ideal standard, they will criticize their parents.
As the result of abstract think is a logic reasoning. Teens always thinks something
that abstract but logic. Teens are able to built a logical reasoning from what they see,
think, and feel. If something isn’t logic, teens will criticize and argue it.
Another factors that causes the teenagers-parents conflict is the changes in social
aspects. There are three aspects from social changes that happens in adolescence. The
first is independent. A long time ago, when we’re still a kid, we’re depend on our life to
our parents. But now, when we’re adolescence, gradually the dependence to parents will
be lost. This is a natural process that happens to all human. Independent described as
someone ability to not depend to others.
The second is self-identity. When teens ask themselves “who am I ?”, “what will I
become?”, and “how will peoples see me?”, etc. it means teens try to find their self-
identity. Erik.H.Erikson-social development psychologist-classified social development
into eight stages. The fifth stages, identity versus identity confusion happen when
someone are adolescence. At this stages, teens want to know their roles and status in
social environment, besides they want to know themselves. Of teens can’t find their self
identity, they will be identity confusion. It causes someone withdrawal from the social
life, separated from peer and family, or maybe they can lose their identity.
The third is peer-group orientation. When adolescence, the orientation is peer-
group. In contrast to childhood when the orientation is parents. Teens tend to focus to
their peer and parents less to listen. Peer become the measure, directions or standard to
looks and act. Stenberg studies shows that peer-group influence tend to anything that
related to fashion style, music, hair style, etc. But, for fundamental values teens still tend
to their parents’ values.
Hormonal changes when adolescence are related to emotional changes. When the
girls get their menstruation, the Pre Menstruation Syndrome (PMS) stimulate emotional

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changes like moody, easy to angry, and explosive emotions. Boys hormonal stimulate the
explosive emotions too.
Another changes is mood swings. Teens can change from day to day, or even
from moment to moment, from bright cheerfulness to sullen withdrawal. Mood instability
affected teens activity and feels. When the mood changes, teens can be so lazy to do
activity or they’ll bored with anything they do even if that is something that usual to do.
Those changes make parents frustrated, but several actions would be the
solutions. With communication, we can share the problems. To solve the conflict
effectively, the communication has to two way such as discussion. It means both parents
and teens have the opportunity to say any trouble and how they feel about the problems.
If two way communication seems too formal, parents can choose another way of
communication. Spend time together can be the alternative way to communicate the
problems. Informal situation may make teens feel more comfortable than discussion.
The last communication strategies is parents be the friends of teens. It seems look
simple but it’s important. Remember that adolescence is a process to find self-identity
and teens really need friends that teens can trust to help their pass the process of
maturation. The ideal friends is parents. Parents have to be “trash can” for teens to
capacious teens problems. Based on research in psychology, “90 % parents aren’t know
their child. Parents live with their child but most of the interaction between parents and
teens just in physical. If parents can be the friends of teens, parents will know more about
their teens.
Parents should give their teens an opportunities to solve teens own problem.
Parents should be the observer that see teens solve the problems with themselves. Be
responsible of anything that teens do is key to be independent. If teens dare to be
responsible, they will learn to not repeat act that give the negatives impact not only for
themselves but also for they parents.
The last solutions is disciplines. Parents should to set the rules. When parents set
the rules, they should think ahead and predicted what will happen with the rules and their
teens. Will be teens obeyed by the rules? That is the question from parents when they
decide set the rules. The answer is be consistent with the rules. Not only for teens but also
for parents.

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In conclusion, parents and teens can live together harmoniously if parents try to
understand the problems with teens’ point of view. When, parents and teens know that
the conflict between parents and teenagers happens because of biological, cognitive,
social, and emotional changes, several actions such as communication, opportunities to
teenagers and disciplines should be taken. Adolescence still be the period of storm and
stress, full of trouble and conflicts. But, if we know why it happen and how to solve the
conflict, it will look more easy to deal with the teenagers-parents conflict.

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