Desert Rose

Desert Rose Masoom Tulsiani
Desert
Rose
“Inta Hayati, Inta
Habibi”
Masoom Tulsiani
About the Author:
Masoom Tulsiani, is eighteen and has lived in Saudi-Arabia,

Doha and Dubai before moving to Mumbai. He is pursuing his
diploma engineering in Computer Technology from VES
Polytechnic, Mumbai and aspires to become a software
engineer.
Apart from being an avid blogger, he has also been a part of

the college editorial team of Education Times and CG Plus. He
also has done freelance writing assignments for academic
firms.
His Novel “Desert Rose” is a tribute to his love, and his

fascination for Arabia.
He can be contacted at masoom_rocky@hotmail.com.
Desert Rose was first uploaded in ifiwereabook.com on

November 15th’ 2007.
‘Desert Rose’ shares it’s name with the popular Song by Sting.
All characters, names, locations and events mentioned in this

book are purely a work of fiction and any resemblance to any
person living or dead will purely be a co-incidence.
Cover design: Masoom Tulsiani
Official Homepage: www.desertrose.blogspot.com
Typeset in 12pt. by Masoom Tulsiani at Mumbai.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be

reproduced or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in
any form or by any means,

electronic,mechanical,photocopying,recording or otherwise
without the prior written permission of the Author.
Copyright 2007.
Dedicated To
“Someday when the pages of my life end, and I turn

them over you will be the most beautiful chapter”
Dedicated to my dearest love. Wherever you are, I hope you are

happy and blossoming like the desert rose. I hope you read this book
one day. True love forgives And, I forgive you. No one will ever be
able to make me feel, the way you made me feel that winter. I will
always love you like the desert love’s the rain. The moments we
spent, will be engraved in my heart forever.
Above all, this book is dedicated to millions of souls who have lost
someone special in their life. It’s true love happens only once, the rest
is life.
Masoom Tulsiani
Acknowledgements
I’m grateful to my parents and friends for the unflinching

support they have always provided me to chase my maverick
aspirations and my brother, Saagar who has never believed I could
actually write, and who experiences immense joy in being my worst
critic.
I am also grateful to Vikram Singh Chauhan, the founder of

ifiwereabook.com, who gave me a chance to upload my book online.
Author’s Note:-
I got inspired by the song Desert Rose, and most of

the book has been written while traveling to dubai.
“My dearest Jane, I miss you my baby as always do but today it is

different because it’s winter and they are playing our favorite song.”
You will never understand

You will never see
My true love
That was once before thee.
You let me go
Never loved me true.
Hell's ashes may snow...

But, you will always be my desert rose:
Where pure love's "Sweetness" blooms in the midst of the desert.....”

- Masoom Tulsiani~
Synopsis
Desert Rose
“Inta Hayati, Inta Habibi” (You are my love, my life)

Set amid the austere beauty of true love in the backdrops of
Arabia.
A guy brought up and born in the middle-east who yearned

for true love. He never thought that his life would change so
soon. Until one day on a winter morning, Miss Jane, a high
school sweetheart falls in love with him. They believe in full
conviction that they have a future together. Times fly by, and
before they could realize what was happening, Miss Jane
shifts to Arabia, leaving behind all the promises behind. As
distance and time drifts them apart, he finds himself in a state
of lovelorn tenor. His love turns unrequited.
On losing his beloved, he embarks upon a journey to get

back his true love. This voyage in turn, leads to a discovery of
his own self. He yearns to return to his birth land to unfurl the
mysteries of love and life. He comes across a Desert Rose
which inspires him to dream.
On this time odyssey, he struggles to find his own way back

into the heart of the woman he adores, his book is the only
way he can express his underlying love for her.
Discover the quaint, romantic fairy tale that blossoms into an

immortal love story. Discover an innocent love story, the story
of Rocky and Jane. Like any other love story, it is rooted in
tragedy. Discover a love lost in the deserts and challenged by
the mystery that surrounds it. Discover the enigmatic voyage

that estranged two high school sweethearts.
Will time bind their repugnant souls? Will his quest help him
to find his lost love?
Desert
Rose
“Inta Hayati, Inta
Habibi”
Masoom Tulsiani
Desert Rose
By Masoom Tulsiani
Chapter 1
A storm of air sweeps along the lonesome sands. Beneath, this

parched, silent storm a cry, a voice continually calls out from the desert:
“Heal me from this pain, Quench my burning thirst.”

Every desert in this silent land is an orphaned beach, jinxed by heavenly forces to
be empty forever and abandoned long ago by ancient seas. These thirsty sands
that still dream of ocean embraces. These sands which are a witness to immortal
love fables, buried deep inside this land. Once in eons, an oasis appears,
springing up fast. But these sources never last.
Lovers bloom and drift apart in this arid desert sand, and all that remains is
ashes of time. Wearied by the smothering comforts of abundance, the gasping
soul finds a refuge, a peace, a joy in the desolate path of divine love.
In this whirlwind of sand, a soul is wandering all alone, trying to find his soul.
The sand blows, stealing his soul, scorching his body and tearing his heart.
Eclipsed by a blinding vision of true love. He sees what no eyes can see; He hears
what no ear can hear. In the startling momentary glimpse of love, he changes
from a marauding crusader to a helpless lover. He glimpses behind the veil of
creation and beholds a love so real, so unconditional, so beautiful, so true and
innocent, that he forgets everything except this love. This love sustains him and
completes him.
The crimson sun burns down his body with blazing heat; the sands of the desert
chafe his skin and scorch his bare feet. The wind blowing in the opposite
direction makes it more difficult for him to move on. Sand continues to sink him
inside.
Cursed by life, Jinxed by bad luck and deceived by the circumstances, he

continues to embark on this enigmatic voyage. He doesn’t know, where this
journey will take him.
This emptiness can kill him, and even give him solace. A war for survival engulfs
in this land. He wants to live alone, and kindle love’s fire in this desert sand,
with the twigs of a simple life.
In this deserted land, he tries to find his way. A journey alone through the rock
and sand... He tries to find his answers through these golden swirls.. What is it so
special about this land that continues to inspire poets from ages? The mystery of
the golden sands, continue to captivate him.
As the pain runs through his hand, sending a bolt of shiver down his spine. The
scorching hear makes him thirsty. The sun stroking over his head, makes him
feel dizzy. The storm cries in pain, signaling an end of this journey. He ambles
along, to quench his thirst and comes along a ‘Desert Rose’ who is dry and weak,
and waiting for the water so that it can blush red with life. It hasn’t given up his
hope of living in this arid land, it has dreamed of rains in the desert, a silent wish
of an Oasis to quench his thirst forever. He is happy to drink from the waters of
sorrow. Till then, this dry sand continues to be its oasis.
He sees a Bedouin girl, walking towards him. Dressed in maroon, and a scarf
complementing the garment. The garment was long and ample, and richly
embellished with embroidery. The thin scarf draped around the head and the
veil covered her face. She was wearing a hat, which was elegant and added to the
mystic charm. From, where he was standing, he could only see those beautiful
eyes highlighted, which looked so similar. Her eyes full of innocence, so subtle,
cool and calm, contradicting to the hot weather around. Her hair was hennaed
which glistened like a star. The girl pulled her long hair out from under the veil
to frame her face. And when she revealed her face, the mystic deepened. The face
that hounded him in his dreams, the face that was the only reason he breathed.
He could see his chimera, in front of him. The thought that provoked a thousand
cries, and thousand answers left unsaid.
She was carrying the pot with the sacred water, drawn from the
oasis. The sacred water that could revive him back to life. At that moment, he
didn’t realize whether he was more thirsty to quench his thirst, or thirsty to see
her. All he could see was that girl which could quench his thirst for love forever.
His body yearned to follow her, His soul needed to be with her, his heart longed
to join her. At that moment, he didn’t realize whether he was more thirsty to
quench his thirst or thirsty to see her. He started moving towards her.
As he moved closer, the image started fading. Within moments,

the Bedouin girl vanished. It was just a utopia, of his mind or maybe she really
existed. He followed her shadow, but all he could find was the pot containing the
sacred water. With desperation, he takes the pot and quenches his burning lips
crying with thirst.
Keeping a little water for the desert rose plant, he walks back. On his way, he
finds the track of her footsteps. He moves back to the plant, and sprinkles the
sacred water to bring back the plant in life. His heart cries a desire “I will makes
the rose bloom in the desert, I will dream of the rains. “
Seeing a camel ambling along the desert, barely some meters away, gave him the
feeling his messenger had arrived. He takes a handful of sand, and as he lets
them go, some memories slip away. He leaves these sands behind and some
ashes of love…
The wind continues whistling down the dunes and a hand waves him from a
distance, which reminds him that his journey is not over, he has to return back
one day to flee her from this land. He has to find his love lost in the deserts.
Taking the last look at the desert, he hops on to the camel and rides away back to
his land, the place where his destiny awaits…
Chapter 2
The Sounds of Silence
I sit on the banks of the red sea, which divides Saudi Arabia And Egypt. I
remember when I was young, I use to come here at the same place and sit for
hours. And when the child in me has grown, I am still alone and seek solace on
these banks. The Sea has its own share of mystical legends, which stands
testimony to the elegant Arabic culture and heritage. The sea is also a habitat of
coral reefs and other ocean wealth. The Bedouins didn’t call Arabia,” Rub Al-
kahali”, or Empty Quarter, for nothing. Here the life moves in time with the
past.
As I walk on the banks of the red sea in Yanbu, I come to terms with the time
I spent in the desert. The memories of the times spent in the desert are confused
and vague. I know that I almost died, but don’t know what revived me back into
life. I still remember, how my love turned to dust and settled in the sands.
The desert is a home to the cactus, mosses and other shrubs. But that “desert
rose” plant in the midst of the desert captivated my attention. I try to
understand, why that weak “desert rose” plant inspired me . When I had given
up my hope, it made me dream. The plant dreams about miracles, about rains in
the desert. It still lives on a hope, that is bleak. Albeit, it waits for years to rain,
but the wait is all worth it. The desert rose loves the rains, and it always will.
When we are lost, we make our own desert inside ourselves . There are times
when we aren't sure which way to go, which path to seek and how to move on.
There are times when a person feels he is so alone which sadness him and
breaks him into pieces. He feels he is all alone in a huge desert,
The desert rains, have it’s own tales to tell. The rain has so drained us that we
are too weak to try and impress him. We cannot perform amazing feats of
prayer and fasting. Even if we pledge to “Ramazan” for the whole year, the
deserts won’t change it’s nature. It is firm like a rock and won’t budge to the
mercy prayers. We cannot muster the strength to stand tall and go charging forth
as a valiant warrior. Instead, like a mumbling drunk or a dying Savior, we
simply cry out, “I thirst.” And the rain comes and satisfies our thirst with a
spring of love that knows no bounds.
Yet sometimes the deep longing throbs loud enough to wake us up and
remind us of our soul parching thirst for the fountain of divine love. Desert is a
home for
All who are weary,
All who are thirsty,
All who are crushed,
All who are defeated,
All who have given up all hope,
All who are needy,
All who seek solace.
“In the Desert of the heart, Let the healing start.”

The desert is a home for all the wandering souls, and who are seeking love that
sustains. The emptiness that straddles the desert, is a natural wonderland whose
undulations swallow all sense of sound.
Perhaps the desert will always be the same, mysterious lonely land.”
I try to listen to the sound of the water as a lone crimson bird flies over the sea.
I throw a pebble inside the water, and watch the ripples.
I ponder what my love is doing miles away, maybe thinking of me.
I wonder, why she left me without any trace. Perhaps, she wanted me to
decipher her silence. I continue to remain silent, and hear the whisper of the
winds and the sea.
“No sound in this world can be more louder than silence & if someone can’t
understand your silence, they can never understand your words.”
These thoughts kept echoing in my minds, and I knew I had to
decipher her silence.
As dawn turns to dusk, I am left wondering how I will pen down these
thoughts, the story of Jane and me and the winter we spent. I don’t know where
my quest will end. It sounds like a long way to go for a lot of nothing, But that’s
the point. There were so many things that I wanted to tell her. My hands are
freezing, and my legs are numb.
With a hope, that she might read my book some day, I take out my diary, and
start writing. I write down the first few words, “Inta Hayati, Inta Habibi” which
means you are my love, my life. Every word which I write, are words left untold
. I sit on the banks of the red sea and watch the sunset . I see the sky slowly
changing color , from blue to reddish yellow of the dusk. The sun sinks, and so
does my heart.
Chapter 3
There is no one to stir my coffee
"Drink to me with your eyes alone … And if you will,

take the cup to your lips and fill it with kisses, and
give it so to me."
--Flavius Philostratu
I head to Starbucks, the coffee shop in Bur Juman., Dubai. There is

something about the ambience, the combination of caffeine, coffee aromas, and
their typical Starbuck roast as they call it.
I am a coffee addict and whenever I pass near Starbucks, I never miss an

opportunity to have a cup of “Qahwa”. And who would, when you get to see a
glimpse of the cute Arabic chicks.
For a change, I am sitting alone , reading one of Paulo Coelho’s books.

This place really rejuvenates me. “ One frappuccino please, I tell the guy on the
counter.” Frappuccino is a type of fresh espresso, with sugar, cocoa powder and
milk. “Anything else sir,” he asks calmly.
“No thanks.”
There is no one to stir my coffee, There is no one to take that first sip. I
see some teens of my age, on the coffee tables near by.
Hiding from their parents and coming on a coffee date, can be an exciting
feeling!! They look so innocent, so madly in love,
unaware of the world around them. Is this true love? Or is this just a passing
fancy. I guess they are just trying to live that moment, That’s something which I
never did.
This place looks like a love den, with so many couples visiting this place
everyday. Turning to my right, I saw a couple, in their early twenties. There were
tears in the guy’s eyes, it seemed to me that it was their last meet. Holding each
other’s hands, it was time for them to bid adieu.
I could view both the sides of love, from the opposite sides of my table. I wonder
what this place must have witnessed all these years. So many coffee dates, so
many break ups. Like they always say, coffee and conversations...! It’s so strange,
I come to terms with the real myth of life. “Love starts with a smile, and ends
with a tear.”
Enrique’s latest ping pong song “do you know” plays in the background. I
hear Enrique singing “do you know seeing your face no longer on my pillow.”
The song was enough to make me feel nostalgic.
I go back to time. The coffee shops in our area, where we always use to go. She,
sitting beside me, stirring my coffee. As always ,I tell her to take that first sip. It
was a customary ritual, we followed.
I stare at her for a fleeting minute. The way she used to add that sugar into my
coffee each time. It was such a sweet gesture.
“Are you checking out my home making skills” she smiles.
“Ya, I am just trying to see the future, when I come back from work and you will
be making the coffee for me.”
“I won’t , we will be having servants.” she said bursting out in laughter.”
“It still doesn’t taste good, Perhaps I need some sugar.” I wickedly say.
“You want me to add some more” she says.
“No baby, I want you to take that first sip.” I smile all in love.
She holds the cup in her hand and takes that magical first sip.
The hot coffee touches her cold lips.
“How does the coffee taste now.” She blushes.
The cup enticed my lips, and the color of the coffee turned deep brown,
symbolizing our love which was so true and deep.
At that moment, I felt I was so lucky to, have her in my life.
I had the world in my arms, and her love on my lips. I prolonged the first sip,
and whispered “Just Perfect.”
“I know, I have that effect on things.” She said
“I hope I don’t transform into a vampire.”
For a moment, I thought that she was really sitting next to me.
But it was just an illusion. She was miles away, Maybe thinking about me at that
moment…The cup did not entice my lips, this time. It was bitter, and full of pain.
I sip the coffee, but it didn’t taste the same…Perhaps it never will……again.
I continue listening to the song by Enrique.

“Do you know, what it feels like loving someone who seems
in a rush to throw you away,
Do you know what it feels like ,being the last one
To know that lock in the door has changed.”
Chapter 4
Walking down these empty streets…..
May 2007
“I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone”
- GreenDay
T he summer may have set but here in my heart, the temperature was
still rising. “How do I end up here”. I asked myself. About a month back I was
the happiest guy in this world with my girl by my side and life could not have
been better. But now I ended up here with my life taking a new turn. My life is
just incomplete without her. I have been gripped with a feeling of loneliness and
this feeling kills me. “What went wrong?” is the Question which has been
haunting me all these weeks. In retrospect, I realized that life is a mystery. I am
still trying to discover the gospel of love. A boy meets a girl, sparks fly….They
are engulfed in weird sensations, goose bumps, butterflies in their stomachs.
They walk hand in hand, unaware of the world around them. When they are
together everything is a dream, they can conquer just about anything. When they
are apart, life seems unbearable. Is this true love? Or is this a passing fancy?
How do two souls attract, share a love that defies everything…
I think of this, as I take a stroll, in the gardens of Eden trying to recall the
days, when our souls met. Those days passed like ghosts and disappeared like
passing clouds, and before I could realize what was going on, she had already
left leaving behind those sorrowful memories. I kept on walking; the beauty of
the nature looked so deceptive. I recall, a quote in the walk to remember by
Nicholas spark. "Our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it.” It was
so true, I just need to close my eyes, and there I was singing the songs of love
again, I felt her presence all over the ‘Jannah’.
On this time odyssey, I have realized that it’s not easy to end this love. I
really feel for her and I can do anything just to be with her. I keep on giving
myself these false promises that our love will stand this test of time. That one
day we will find a way. For me we are just physically apart. She will always be
there in my heart, no matter where she is.
I think of you when they play our favorite songs. Everything reminds me of you.
Like when I hear Babyface.
“ I still feel your touch in my dreams

I still hear your laugh when you are not next to me.
I still see you in these empty streets “
One month down the line. Here I am walking down this street, thinking
about the mysterious circumstances in which my girl disappeared. It’s a beautiful
day outside. It had rained last night. I stare at a girl walking down the streets.
She makes me remind of a girl I knew. She looks likes her, she even smiles just
the way she use to. I keep walking down the memory lane. People smile, the
traffic flows freely everything seems to be in order except that none of them
realize the pain I’m in. They should all be sad, sympathetic for me. After all I
have lost the true meaning of my life. I have lost my beloved, and I don’t even
know whether I will get to see her again.
I was still in agony and with a pain that bosomed deep inside my heart. I
head my way to her block and pass her door, a few times. The block which is
filled with poignant memories of her. I use to meet her at the same place
everyday. But now the lights were off, and it was all dark. I try to see her on the
window. At one instance, I even thought she was standing there, waving at me
but later realized it was just an utopia. She had gone far away, miles away from
this place, and forever from my life. It was hard to believe that, I was all alone
and how these few months had changed my life. The winds are blowing, and
changing their course…Perhaps, they were indicating my transition of life. I
recall the last time, I was a victim of the storm, when the winds blew and I had to
choose whom I love and whom to let go. And, now when I look back over my
decision, I can see I was so wrong. I loved a girl who was not destined to be
mine. There was a reason she was in my life, and one day she had to go.
I feel so nostalgic. Those sleepless nights, beautiful moments shared together.

It has been a month, and I haven’t heard anything about her. All I know is that
she is somewhere in Arabia. I am trying so hard to get in touch with her. My
cellphone! I take it out of my pocket and immediately turn it on, it rings several
times, and each time my heart thumps. Whenever I hear the message tone, I
hope it’s her But it is someone else. I keep on checking my inbox, thinking you
might message me from somewhere. It’s hard to explain the joy when she
messages and I see my screen glowing up with her contact picture. I no longer
feel elated, and I don’t have anyone to love.
I decide to remain alone. Listen to songs, Read a novel by Nicholas Spark and
try to keep myself busy. I go to the Café nearby, choose a table, plug in my
Apple ipod and look at the couples nearby. They are so happy. Wish she was
here by my side. Everything reminds me of her. I really pray for a miracle to
happen, So that I can stay with her.
This song by no mercy, is really close to my heart. It depicts the way I feel..
“I am walking down your street again

Pass your door
But you don’t live there anymore
Its years since you’ ve been there

And now you’ve disappeared somewhere”
Jannah - Garden
Chapter 5
I’m gonna find another you
“It's really over, you made your stand

You got me crying, as was your plan
But when my loneliness is through, i'm gonna find another you
You take your sweaters

You take your time
You might have your reasons but you will never have my rhyme
I'm gonna sing my way away from blue
I'm gonna find another you
When i was your lover

No one else would do
If i'm forced to find another i hope she looks like you “
- John Mayer
I sit on the terrace and look back over my life, the same place where I use
to go whenever I was alone. One direction faced the magical garden of Edens
and the other side faced her building. The fourteenth storey where my witch use
to stay, was clearly visible from there. I remember, the time when we just started
speaking, I use to message her from the terrace. I use to come at the same place,
and sit for hours together. Thinking in retrospect, I wonder, what was my life
was like some years ago. A young innocent guy brought up and born in the
middle-east, unaware of the brutal world around him. He had a different
perception of life, which was often veritable. He yearned for true love. Always
believed in angels, but never thought that his destiny was so sweet. He never
thought that his life would change so soon.
“When you are a child you have images....dreams...about pretty

things fluttering down from heaven....with a cool, contended look...having a
mystical charm. blessed with beauty and aura all around them....so did I....but
when the child in me had grown...the dreams and images shattered...but
wait....until she came in my life...like something I have never "FELT"
before...suddenly it all came back...the visons..the ecstasy of being a child
again....the innocence...the beauty...everything...all because of one person...One
seldom in life comes across a people who give u such inspiration with such ease.
she was the girl who inspired me to dream. Dream again...dream again about
ANGELS .“
Four months down the line, I am all alone ,lost in the ashes of
time. On this time odyssey, I discovered my inner soul. I am living the same day,
repeating the same words. I dwell in the memories of time. I am trying to justify
what went wrong, what really happened. I spend days and nights reviewing
every moment spent by her side. The more I analyze, the more I get engrossed in
the mysteries of life. I still try to decipher those mystical circumstances. How
hard I persuaded her to come back, the more I tried, the more I hurt myself.
“Love, why does it hurt? Why does it pain?” I ask myself.
My heart secretly answers, maybe because we love someone too much and too
deep that sometimes we forget to keep little for ourselves.”
I am not able to pull my thoughts together. I write a poem and another,

still I am not able to express my feelings. How hard I feel, without her. They say,
“time can heal that pain”, but why is time acting as a catalyst to my pain. Why
do I get this choking sensation whenever I think about her? This emptiness
prevails me and sadness fills my heart.
I am trying to fight with my self, trying to fake a smile, but deep inside I
know I can’t forget her. I am tired of the battle I am waging with my heart. I am
losing my sleep over her, turning into an insomniac. My memory is confused and
vague. How can I forget my love, the moments we have spent together? All of a
sudden, everything the future looks so bleak. I don’t have a vision…I don’t
know where’s my life heading.
I am here all alone in this dark and lonely night…with no one to wipe my
tears.! It is midnight, the stars are shining, and everything is so right. But I am
still trying to find the moonlight.
I sit by my window in the night , and try to revive my memories in the

moonlight. Those days were the days when I had your love and care; when all
my happiness, sadness you shared. Those days were the days when you were
with me in everything I did, everywhere I went to, and every dream I wished for.
Those days were the days when every of your smile, your look, your thought
were only for me. On those days, I just breathed for your love. I could face any
difficulty and overcome any obstacle. Nothing seemed impossible to do since
you were there with me, holding my hand tightly. Even if the world turned
around against me, I knew I had someone whom I could share my feelings. Each
and every day we spent together, were like a year of love. On those days, I was
so proud and blessed because I was loved by someone, the most precious gift
that God had sent me! The gift that I couldn’t treasure it all my life….
When John Mayer said “ I am gonna find another you.”, he must have
meant a thousand words. For a moment, I savor the idea of falling in love again. I
want to believe that it is so beautiful falling in love. I want to pretend, that
everything is all right. My heart might be bruised, but it will recover. I needed
someone to mend my heart, and help me to drift away from my past. “Love
returns, in the form of new hopes, new dreams, new girl.”I try to convince
myself, I might get another angel, who smiles like you. I am trying to find you in
every girl that I meet. But no one is able to make me feel the way you made me
feel that winter.
“When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive”. I am not
waiting for that special person. Intact, I am scared to fall in love again. Love
starts with a smile, and ends in tears…I am scared, I will never be able to love
again. Sometimes, you can’t deceive yourself. I have to live this way; I have to
walk with her shadow. These tears say it all, Life is not going to be the same
again.
So now, I am gonna find another you, a witch who breaks my heart just the way
you did, who plays with my heart just the way you did.
“So go on baby playing with me

Make your little get away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away
Oh, now i'm gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new
I'm gonna do some things you wouldn't let me do
Oh i'm gonna find another you ”
So now, I’m gonna find another you…………

Chapter 6
“When the stars go blue!”
Nov 9th 2007
“Where do you go when you’re lonely?

Where do you go when you’re blue?
Where do you go when you’re lonely?
I’ll follow you
When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue”
- Tyler Hilton
N ow it is November, it’s time for the festival of ‘Noor’, and the glowing
“diyas” to sparkle in the night. It’s that time of the year, when the city
illuminates with lights. The air round this season is full of zest. The city is
sparkling with lights. But the flames of this light, burn my heart inside. This light
is supposed to enlighten the souls, but it is all dark.
This festival bring with it, sweeping memories of your lightning smile and
how you brightened my life by just being a part of it, by sharing your life with
me. How we made our life sparkling each and every day. On those days, I had
your love. On those days, I just had to look into your twinkling eyes, which
brightened my day.
The breeze is fresh, like my pain. It intensifies with this passing night
and it whips me as a day dulls into this splendid darkness. This it the splendid
turn of the New Year and sadly, I begin without seeing you this year. I imagine
you in a red India dress with your hair open, and you sporting your dangling
earrings. You are making a “Rangoli”, with your favorite colors and designs. You
are having your favorite sweets. I am staring at you from across the lanes of
bright lights. You have closed your eyes, and you whisper prayers for me,
prayers for peace, prayers for prosperity but what does peace and prosperity
mean without me? I go back to time and imagine drowning into your beautiful
eyes.
The say, Lord Ram returned to ‘Ayodhya’ after 14 solitary years. I wish
someday, you return to me so that I can rejoice and triumph over myself. I will
dance in this sparkling lights and promise never to let you go. I would hold you
forever. Just return once and I add the sparkle in your life.
I look at the “Diya” burning and it’s flames on all side, I look at it
with despair, it inspires me and symbolizes my love. They remind me of my
former flame. The winds are still cold, and try to blow these flames away. I
realized my love for her was like an extinguishing old flame, I tried to stop it all
these months from getting extinguished. But in the course, I burned my hands ,
my heart and my soul. An old flame can’t be kept igniting if the oil runs out. You
can’t ignite the old flame with the same intensity. You either just hold on and
rather let the flame extinguish completely and then light your new flame again
or rather cover the burning flame with your hands and In the course, burn your
hands , until your soul cries in pain and agony. The later hurts like hell, and kills
you everyday.
The festive seasons takes you back to time. These sweets, which add the
sweetness to one’s life, taste bitter in these dark nights. I am eating this Rasgula
because today is ‘diwali’, but I remember that nothing is sublime. I remember
you feeding me with those soft hands, the hands which revived me back into life,
like the touch of “Midas”.
It’s no secret, that you are miles away and happy with your life. You
are celebrating festival of lights, and here it’s all dark. You are not here anymore
to hold me and guide me in this path of darkness. Outside my window, I see
these crackers burning. They penetrate my ears, and prolong my pain inside.
How can I celebrate this festival, when darkness spreads through my insides?
How can I celebrate when there’s no feeling of light in my heart? They say, a
heart full of light is playful and spirited and embraces life whole heartedly? A
person without the feeling of light gropes in the darkness and feels miserable.
I believe for every heart that whispers in the dark that there's a ray of light
somewhere shining through. I wish I could move into the light and feel a ray of
happiness in myself.
I look at the night’s sky, minus the stars. The stars do not appear today,
they are lost somewhere. Someone tell me where should I go, to find the sparkle
in your eyes. Where should I go to get you back in my life?, Where should I go
when it’s all dark, Where Should I go when I don’t see the ‘Suha’? Where should
I go when these stars go blue ….
Chapter 7
Autumn Goodbye
“Who now has no house, will not build one.

Who now is alone, will remain so for long,
Will wake, and read, and write long letters
And back and forth on the boulevards
Will restlessly wander, while the leaves blow.”
-Herbsttag (Autumn Day)
R ain passed, and the wind blew the yellow maple leaves from the trees,
making way for autumn, which came howling and crying. The following days
were dreary. The pain inside me was beginning to deepen. The future seemed
even bleaker to me. Ghastly colors struck the autumn and I sat by the window,
looking at the garden of Eden . The sit was awful. The Leaves were trembling
and gently waving at the morning sun. The gray cloud shrouded the sun and the
bleak light made everything look so dimmer.
On a cold winter morning, I take a walk in the garden. The wind gushes by,
getting the autumn leaves with it.... which fall on the trail I leave behind, the
path we walked together once...
The Crisp north breeze sweep across the gardens of Eden, and twist through
the trees. Just the way a gray cloud signals a storm to the sailors in the sea. In the
same way, the gray misty sky were depicting that times are not going to be easy.
I witness the clouds hanging carelessly overhead, just like the shadow of the past
that continues to hound me.
As I continue walking, these fallen leaves crunch beneath my feet. I recall

the day, when we had gone for a morning walk. It was a beautiful day, and the
fragrance of the autumn flowers mingled with the breeze. She was wearing a
blue jacket, with a white tee that clung tightly to her chest. Her hair was in a
mess, and that made her look more alluring. She smelled so good, just like the
autumn flowers. The breeze blew and we were sitting on the bench in silence.
She ran her hand through her hair, pulling back the strands that had fallen onto
her face. I was so smitten by her hair that I placed one of my hands behind her
back, in a hope that my hand might bruise against her hair. What are you
doing?” she smiled.
“Nothing!” I said.
“All guys are the same.” she said

“What?” I surprisingly asked.
“They start by placing their hand behind the back, and then expect the girl to
come closer.” She smiled wickedly.
I started laughing, and confessed “No, it’s not like that, I didn’t realize what I
was doing.”
Like a painter, I try to visualize her on the dream canvas, I had made…..A
cold chilly morning, a secluded bench and two souls getting united. I beheld her
sitting on the bench, holding my hands and those emerald eyes looking at me. I
picture her laughing, and talking to me. The words which are stored in the secret
hearts of heaven and the voice that echoes my mind and rings a thousand bells. I
see that bench where we had sat some months ago, and spent some of our most
beautiful moments. Those moments which are etched in my memory forever.
A cold breeze, blows in my face softly

And I wonder, Is this the life I thought I’d live? It is always said, some people
stay with you forever. And I began to realize, that no one could ever make me
feel like the way she made me feel that winter. I remained standing in the
garden, waves of perplexity beating upon me like a tempest upon autumn
leaves. The golden leafs fall to the ground and form a rainbow of color bed. And
my tears fall on the maple leaves like dewdrops.
I sat on the bench alone and witnessed this painful sight, Trees becoming naked
and nature changing before my eyes. For a moment, everything the beauty of
trees, the silence, the maples leaves everything looked so deceptive. The gardens
of Eden never looked so depressing.
Tonight, as the cool autumn air whispers in my ear,

It wont let me forget you. It will ask, “where is she tonight?”
“My guest has gone with a carefree sigh,

and breezes swirl these fragrant autumn tress.
Around the garden their fallen petals lie,
to be sweeped away by the showers of cry.
The beauty soon disappears.

Like Spring like summer like an autumn day,
Gone, my Queen of the Autumn Wind

who’s trumpeters play all night.
Their triumph sings to the breaking dawn
of a new day filled with glorious light.
Her Autumn fragrance lingers still

and weeping willows whisper her name.
Both soft green moss where dew drops spill
and summer breezes share her fame.
There is a statue with tears in its eyes,

Sitting on a bench under the open sky.
And clouds of grey wander azure skies

but know not when she’ll return to him.
A leaden heart can be saved by grace

but not by the siren’s song.
But a heart of rock can never be melted
Such pitiful withered orchids lie

upon the field where lovers met
beneath a moonlight’s sky.
Upon the bench where their voices met
At the others the lovers glanced,
not believing that their love could die.
Heaven has a feeling heart,

yet a thousand years have passed.
Since the Lapping waves have met the shore
Since these dry lips have kissed
The moon’s growning old.

It sleeps in desolation.
It’s true when you hear the tales untold
but it’s no consolation.
I am waiting for a love to last,
for a ten thousand eons more “
“Red leaves and blue tomorrows

Time will give back the love that we shared
on the time that we borrowed
From December through April

Bittersweet was the love that we share
Remember the winter
Just the way I do
We'll leave behind the wintertime

our hearts, our minds
they will remind

we won't forget
the day we met
the day we cried
and the Autumn Goodbye
You promised me a happy ending

You said you wouldn't make me cry
But now when you’re gone
Winter will keep me warm and alive
Now it’s time for
the maple leaves to die
It’s time for
Our autumn goodbye, autumn goodbye
autumn goodbye “
Chapter 8
The Nights are getting colder….
Nov’24th 2007
O n a pleasant winter weekend, I sat on my bed with a novel.

I was down with sore throat, and was still feeling dizzy because of the beer I had
last night. I couldn’t immerse myself with some work or even read, so I just
thought let’s pen down something in my diary.
I asked myself whether any of this was worth it..the angst, the weakness
and the forlorn hope. I felt so vulnerable that morning. It begins in such an
agony. I login to my computer, no scraps, no emails, no wall posts and not even a
single blog comment. I felt so alone, and the feeling of helplessness
overpowering me. Was I really feeling so blue? I ponder over this as I sip some
hot lemon tea, which warms the chill running through my veins. It was cold
outside and I was down with cough and sore throat. I couldn’t even go out for
that matter. Deep inside, my heart I was frozen.
Sometimes, you can’t fake a smile. I have been keeping this pain inside, and
this feeling was so prolonged. I feel so blue, it’s like when you know where your
heart belongs and your mind sways from it..the pain, the disdain and the ennui.
The days faded into evening and night befell. I was repeating the same words
and living the same day.
Could I really wait for her to return and keep this forlorn hope burning. I was
at the crossroads of my life and I didn’t know where my life was heading. How
long do I wait? This is a question kept haunting me and daunting my spirits.
A thousand nights had made me older, since the last time I saw her. I was
lost in sorrow and reverie. Days and nights preyed upon me as the eagle ravages
its victim. Many a times, I tried to forget my misfortune by occupying myself
with books and writing, but it was like extinguishing fire with oil, for the more I
tried to isolate myself, the more I found myself in distress. I could hear the
shrieking of my soul, and the clamor of my heart. Sometimes this pain lies deep
in your heart, and when you keep it inside, it takes the form of poison which kills
you slowly. This is not what I wanted, I wanted to heal myself.
The phone keeps on ringing, it’s one of my female friends who happens to
call me up just to check whether I am alright. I don’t answer her call, “ Leave me
alone.” I sigh. Not only I was experiencing pain, sadness, and feelings of
rejection, I was losing my friends. I spent the days, just waiting for her. I hardly
socialized or interacted. I was just too hurt. I didn’t know who I was anymore.
For a short while I lived my life this way, I had no motivation and strength to
change it either. I did exactly what I had to do every day, college, soft music, and
lonely nights. But I wasn’t experiencing life, I wasn’t growing as a person, and I
was completely unsatisfied with myself. I was trapped in the past and I was
repeating the same words, and living the same day.
I wait to hear her voice every weekend, that’s the day I call her up. We speak
for some time, just the casual conversation and share our past memories and our
future dreams. For the moment, I was happy being talking to her as a friend. But
whenever I call , I crave to hear those two words “Miss you.” But there’s an air of
uneasiness when I speak to her. Even while we are sharing those old good times.
I am just too scared to even pop put the question, which has been haunting me
for an era. I am just too scared, that she might hang up the phone and never
speak to me. She says, “bye..take care” and the phone hung up, and I am left
alone, gasping to hear her voice again.
“Love you Jaan, Goodnight.” I whisper.
I keep myself busy with my guitar lessons. The guitar does not strum well. I
have lost my rhythm, the zest in my life. On this time odyssey, I had lost myself
on the way. Without her, I felt as if my ideas and thoughts had no impression on
this world. I look at my shadow, and try to figure out myself. It was not the real
me, M.A.S.O.O.M. It was someone else. How could a girl, change me so much?
My heart might be bruised, but it will never recover. Could I really bear the
pain of being alone. I already have, I wondered. Will her memories always stay
with me like that? Will the last winter, haunt my life forever or will it elate my
life. Was there a reason, she came in my life and maybe she really had to go one
day.
There’s an ironical saying “ You can’t imprison love, you should let if free, if she
is yours she will return back to you and if she doesn’t return back she was never
yours.” Maybe somewhere down the line, Love will find us again and we will
turn our mystery green.
It was really cold outside, and the night couldn’t be colder without her. I
hear the message tone, and I feel a thump in my heart. Was it Jane, awake at this
time. Damn! I silently cry. “Sometimes you love someone so much, that you
forget to keep a little for yourself.” It was one of my female friends, she couldn’t
have hit the truth more aptly. Perhaps, I have to be happy with myself, I have to
love myself and then only I was capable of loving somebody else. I crawl into my
bed, wear my winter cap and go to bed in the hope of a better tomorrow.
Chapter 9
It’s 2 am and I am still awake
“It’s 2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song

If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud”
- Breathe, Anna nalick
"D on’t worry baby, I will walk away from your life silently…and when
you turn back, I wont be there standing for you.” I cry as I read her messages.
It’s 2 am, and I’m still awake…I crawl on my bed, switch on the table lamps
and continue writing down my diary. I am all up, watching the night sky.
Looking at her pics. As I take the photo frame in my hand, I can see my
reflection. I see her coming out of the frame, and speaking to me. As she tries to
wipe my tears away, I still see the glow in her face, and her beautiful eyes. I
could still see that love inside.
“How do I end up here”. I asked myself. About some months back I was the
happiest guy in this world with my girl by my side and life could not have been
better. But now I ended up here with my life taking a new turn. My life is just
Incomplete without her. I have been gripped with a feeling of loneliness. “What
went wrong?” is the Question which has been haunting me all these weeks. In
retrospect, I realized that life is a mystery. I am still trying to discover the gospel
of love. A boy meets a girl, sparks fly….They are engulfed in weird sensations,
goose bumps, butterflies in their stomachs. They walk hand in hand, unaware of
the world around them. When they are together everything is a dream, they can
conquer just about anything. When they are apart, life seems unbearable. Is this
true love? Or is this a passing fancy? How do two souls attract, share a love that
defies everything…
On this time odyssey, I have realized that it’s not easy to end this love. I really
feel for her and I can do anything just to be with her. I keep on giving myself
these false promises that our love will stand this test of time. That one day we
will find a way. For me we are just physically apart.
She will always be there in my heart, no matter where she is.
My tears have frozen. These tears never lied , they spoke a thousand words
unsaid. I have spent these horrible nights of sorrow, recalling those beautiful days of
love.. I am trying to put my life back together, trying to mend these broken pieces
of my heart. These pieces will never join together ,and this pain in my heart will
never heal. She meant the world to me. She was my dream, my inspiration, and
perhaps the only reason I smiled.
I wonder, how I will complete this novel and will she ever read this. I want
to expel this pain from my heart, and this book is the only medium to express my
underlying love.
Where should I start from, maybe the day I saw her for the first time after 3
years. I take my pen, and my diary and continue writing…December 8th 2006,
Mumbai. This date which will be etched in my mind forever…Let me take you to
a story of Rocky and Jane, a love story that endures and leaves an innocent
impression for a lifetime.
Chapter 10
When I found you….
th
Dec’ 8 2006
“ I believe
We all have one true love
Somewhere in this world
I do
When it seemed
All my dreams
Were falling through
That's when I found you “
- Britney Spears
W here I want to start telling is the day when we saw each

other for the first time after so many years. It was the Annual Sports meet and
she had come to our college. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was my first crush,
Jane Chapel. It had been ages. She had changed a lot, from the last time I saw
her. Her hair was long, radiant eyes, and that innocent face that could take any
soul’s breath away. I gazed into her alluring eyes, which were accented by a
touch of eye shadow. She looked cherubic that afternoon and her battling
eyelashes were so seducing. For a fleeting second, our eyes locked. I never
happened to believe in love at first sight but there was something that just
clicked. I am sure cupid striked when our eyes met for the first time. I was lost
in her eyes; they were so deep and mystical. Myriad thoughts kept popping in. I
am sure the world came to a standstill as we stood there staring ludicrously.
“When I first gazed into her eyes,

Someway... somehow... I knew.
She wanted to talk to me,
And I... to her.”
The autumn continued to bless me, as a maple leaf blew over my face.
A beauty spot on her left chin captivated my attention. I was totally mesmerized
by her persona. I felt something like i never "FELT" before . I just kept on staring.
I can still feel that moment, the anxiety and the excitement. As she stared again,
she left me breathless. I really wanted to talk to her that day but it just didn’t
happen.
I kept on wondering, whether it was a rendezvous planned in heaven.

I surely did, I mean it wasn’t a coincidence that we met each other. I was
unaware, what was in store for me and how that one glance would change my
life forever.
Let me take you into a flashback.. She was the prettiest girl in our
school and a heartthrob. Ok, she wasn’t this tall tennis girl type, but she was
quite tall compared to other girls of Viven High. She easily fitted into the elite
category of girls with class. It’s always hard to find an elegant combination of
‘beauty with brains”. I mean, she was not the dumb wannabes that I mostly
dash in, and neither I would say she was sexy. She had a tantalizing persona,
And when I say that, I mean she was desirable but out of reach for the common
man. But she was beautiful in her own way, and she had her own fan following.
She was popular; I mean that’s what I had heard from my friends. She had a
mesmerizing presence; it’s like when she uses to walk in, a luminous aura use to
enlighten the whole room. And when she left, the guys use to jerk off, If that
makes sense. I am sure people of Viven High would be delighted to have such an
eye candy, to drool over incase the lectures gets boring. It always was, for that
matter. She was just perfect in every thing be it academics, dance or Elocution.
She was not a pin up doll kinda or wait, maybe she was. I didn’t
even know her that well. And for some reason, I never got the chance to strike a
conversation with her. That was because we were in different divisions. But then
things were just not right at that time. I always ignored my feelings. And yes I
had some preconceived notions about her, I always thought that she had loads of
attitude, and she was a heartbreaker and loved having guys around. Sometimes,
it’s so wrong speculating. Inspite of living in the same block, we never managed
to strike a conversation. find. Then as the years passed by, I ignored my feelings.
Maybe because I was an Introvert and I never really happen to socialize or
mingle around. As a matter of fact, I was underground all the time, If that makes
sense. I mean I rarely went for a stroll and it was almost impossible to track me .
As they say, good looking people are hard to find. Taking this philosophy to the
next level, I managed to maintain this mystery. I was mysterious in many
unknown ways.
I am not always aesthetic, and I hardly give compliments. But I admit

I found her cute at the first place, but that didn’t mean I would go and ask her
out. Duh! That’s so not like me. But something had happened to me that night. I
was so smitten by her charm that I just couldn’t get her out of my mind. I went
to bed and tuned in the radio, peter andre was singing “ mysterious girl I wanna
get close to you.” I felt this song was specially dedicated for me. It depicted my
state of mind. That night I just couldn’t sleep and that mystical eyes kept
haunting my dreams.
Chapter 11
Oops..I am in love again
I n the end of my second year, I got into the habit of studying at my

college library. It was a lousy place, and when I say I really mean it. Our librarian
was a big bully who would often drive the boys away. I mean, he was a big pain,
and couldn’t see a group of girls mingle around or even sit together for that
matter. I was sure he was jealous. Fortunately, I was never driven away or given
any detention and I felt lucky not being his victim.
The day before my practical exams, I went to the library. I am not sure,
why I went there. The place was quiet and the faces looked familiar. The
librarian stared at me, and so did I. Maybe he was just suspicious. Well, I
wouldn’t deny that I liked to look around and check out some eye candies. It was
an undiscovered fact that our library was the only place where you could find
some cute females. I took out my book, not the best of my subjects “ Object
oriented program structure”, OOPS as I called it. I know it sounded like the
Britney spear song, but there was hardly any similarity and britney could never
study OOPS. I started reading the chapter on objects and classes, while my
roving eyes checked out the entire library. My eyes, stopped at one object
errr..girl and I don’t know why I couldn’t get my eyes off her.
“Zooming in, Target locked!” I murmured. Well, that’s all I would say all the
time, a side effect of James bond flicks.
From where I was seated, I could see her long tresses and back. She
was slim, and had some really deadly curves. When I say that, I mean she was
pretty close to the dream stats- 34-24-36. She was charming, and there was
something angelic about her. I mean, I was not being over aesthetic but she
didn’t appear from our college. I was quite sure about that, because I was so
accustomed of seeing the same ugly faces from the past two years. But the thing
was for sure, I had seen her before.
The bell rang, signaling end of a lecture followed by a scream.

“Jane, I was looking for you.” Screamed a female and the librarian looked at her
with an expression that could scare the hell outta anyone. She moved towards
her, so her name was Jane, sounded so rhapsodic.
The mysterious girl turned back, and I realized she was the same girl, Jane
Chapel. I couldn’t believe my luck. I had almost lost all my hope to see her again.
She was looking different from that afternoon with her specs on, and for some
reason I didn’t recognize her at the first place. “So, she must be wearing her
lenses that day.” I wondered. She shot a glance at me. I turned away pretending
to read.
I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t get my eyes off her, she had this really
innocent looking face. I continued reading “Polymorphism is the process of
defining a number of objects of different classes into a group and call the
methods to carry out the operations of the objects using function calls.
By default C++ follows early binding”
“Huh! How did I reach on this page.”
One glance and I was sure, what she must be reading. Must be a Harry
met sally kinda novel. She looked like a girl, who was a sucker for romantic
poetry and love stories. So like me, I laughed silently.
She removed her glasses and closed the book. She appeared a little
confused, and I could tell that because she was playing with her hair. Every time
the wind blew away her strands and fall on her face, she uses to pull it back. I
kept dreaming of running my fingers through her hair. God knows, what was in
her mind. But she appeared a little confused and her puzzling expressions made
her look cuter.
She removed her hair band and pinned her hair back. I kept admiring her
tresses. . “She has got class.” I murmured.
She got up from her table, and headed towards the librarian’s desk. I leaned
over to see the book she was reading. It was not a love story, but a book on
Electrical Maintenance.
“Do you have any novel by Agatha Christie.” She said softly
The librarian smiled, and said “ Oh Yes! I do. It’s nice to see a pretty girl like you
interested in Hercules Poirot.”
“Ya ,he is my all time favorite character.”
I couldn’t believe that bastard could actually smile. Well I guess he was smitten
by her harm too. I don’t really remember the last time he spoke to us gently.
“It’s a bestseller, do read it.” He said
“Thanks, when do I need to return it back.” She said.
“You can return it back whenever you want, take your time.”
“Thanks.”
She stood there for some time, and maybe she was just checking out the
contents. I got up from my table, and ambled over to the librarian’s desk. I was
standing next to her, and I smelled her fragrance for the first time. It was
sensuous and enchanting.
“Do you have any books by William Shakespeare.” I asked.
“No, we don’t. By the way what do you know about him.” He wickedly smiled.
That time, I wish I could kill that bastard. I had always been a
Shakespeare fan, and enjoyed reading his love sonnets and quotes. “Shall I
compare thee to a summer’s day” was my favorite. Though, I admit I didn’t
understand “thou, thee, thy and the old country style Latino English.
“He was a playwright, and his characters Romeo and Juliet share the greatest
love fables of all times. And I have seen the movie hamlet a million times.” I said,
removing all my frustration.
I could hear her laughing under her breath and I was sure she was
listening to our conversation. She busted out in laugher after some time. The
smile that rings my thousand bells. The smile, which
made the lousy place, look more vibrant. As she smiled, her dimples were
visible. Gosh! She was a beauty. “You can’t make me feel like this.” I cried.
I was in love again, and this time I knew I was really in love.
Chapter 12
I just wanna be with you…
Jan 18’2007
I looked at my watch, it was around 8’ish. Thinking

she’d be waiting for me, I rushed to dress up. Looked at my closet, not
sure what to wear, I removed a full sleeve t-shirt. I applied my favorite
perfume and gelled my hair to give it a wet look. I took my Wrigley’s
chewing gum, my tablets as I always called them.
I reckon it was a chilly evening. I entered the garden, and started

searching for her. She was nowhere in sight, I continued walking and
for a moment I thought she wouldn’t come. Then all of a sudden, I saw
her coming towards me. My heart started beating faster, with every
step she took. In an instant, I felt a sense of happiness that was long
lost in my life. I just couldn’t get my eyes off her. She was so
mesmerizing.
She was looking good, dressed in her casuals, sporting a tigress

strip top and light blue Jeans, hair nicely brushed and pinned up. Her
mystical smile continued to fascinate me.
“Hi, nice to see you!” I said and offered my hand. This time we had a
complete handshake and I felt an electrical vibration, when I touched
her hand. They were so cold, liked the last time.
“Why are your hands, always so cold.” I asked. She smiled and said.“ It
always is.”
We continued walking, our topics of conversation started

changing like the wind around us. I observed her hand gestures, while
she was talking. They were so gestulative, and the way her hands kept
on moving afte every word she spoke.It looked cute. We spoke about
music, books and films. One of her many loves was Poetry. It was nice
to know that we were similar in many ways. For instance,she drooled
over Enrique. It was also the time when she recited the lyrics of her
favorite song “Be with you” the voice, which still echoes my mind.
“Monday Night I feel so low

Count the hours they go so slow
I know the sound of your voice
Can save my soul
City lights, street of gold
Look out my window to the world below
Moves so fast and it feels so cold
And I’m all alone
I can’t sleep and I’m up all night

Through these tears and I try to smile
I know the touch of your hand
Can save my life.”
Her voice was sensuous, and angelic and one of the cutest
voices I have ever heard. I liked the lyrics, and somewhere I felt that
she dedicated these special lines for me.
“I like the lyrics.” I smiled with a blush.
“Is this your normal speed of walking, Can we like walk a little faster.”
She said.
“Ya sure!” I sighed.
“So, How’s your college going.” She asked
“Well I was just busy with my magazine work, I am supposed to collect

the articles, edit them and also design the cover page.”
“Guess, the work are in the right hands.” She said.
“Hey how was your tennis tournament, how did you fair?” she smiled
“How did you know about my tournament? Have you left some spies to
snoop around me.” I asked surprisingly.
“No I won’t do that.” She said.
“Nyways, do you see that tennis court, I got lot’s of memories there.” I
said.
“hmm..yes Mr. Page Turner, I know.” She smiled. She always use to call
me a page turner. That was because I had called her one of the most
beautiful chapters of my life and she thought I said this to every
female in this world. New girl, new page as she said…
“Have you ever tried playing tennis.” I said
“No not really, I am not much into sports.” She said.
“Anyways, so you guys must be having your farewell right.”
“Ya, we have it next Saturday.”
“Must be all excited.” I said.
“Ya kinda, I hope I get the dress stitched by the end of this week.”
“What are you wearing.” I asked

“A saree, with light brown & yellow stripes.”
“You mean to say, a tigress strip saree.” I laughed. “Hope I get to see
you then.”
“Yes maybe, if you are free on Saturday.”
“I would be free this weekend, but I didn’t get you?” I said surprisingly.
“Maybe, we can spend some quality time together.” She softly smiled.
Her smile gave me the subtle hints that she was interested.
I was shaken, for a second. But was this girl really asking me out?
“hmm..Ya maybe, I will let you know.” I said, trying to sound not so
excited.
“And I am always ready for some adventure. Wild photography has

always been my passion. And this time I have a tigress as my prey.” I
laughed.
“Yea, rite.’ She laughed under her breath.
We were still walking, and it really felt that we know each other
from ages. People watched us, as we walked around, I could see a
million hearts breaking, a thousand smiles turning into a frown and the
air of jealousy that actually made me feel nice.
All of a sudden, she got a missed call. She gave a glance to the
number, and gave a missed call back.
“ Someone is missing you, I said must be your guy.” I laughed
“No I am very much single, and it’s my mom who wants to get back
home.”
“Ok so your mom gives you a missed call, telling you to get back
home.” I asked.
“Ya, and I gave her a missed call back telling her I am safe.” She
laughed.
I smiled back “ So you will be going back home no.”
“Ya Guess, I will have to leave, It’s getting late.” She said.
“Ok then, here comes the gate. It was nice meeting you.” I said.
“Won’t you drop me to my home.” She said it so sweetly, so innocently.
It’s really hard to say no sometimes, and when a cute female says
something like that, it’s not easy to resist the temptation. I wondered,
why didn’t I think of that before.
“Sure.” I took a deep breath.
Her block was just five minutes away. But I wished it was not so close. I
would have got some more time to spend with her that evening.
He block arrived and our eyes met for a second.
“Thanks for dropping me. It was really nice meeting you.” she said.
“It was really nice meeting you too, goodnight.” I said trying to be
formal.
“Goodnight.” She said.
“I will message you in the night.” I replied, and our eyes locked for the
last time.
For a moment I thought how good it would feel to give her a goodnight
kiss, guess. I was lost in my own thoughts.
“Ya, let me go now.” She smiled. ”And don’t miss the view today, it’s a
full moon light.”
I nodded, “well I am not gonna miss the view today by any chance.” I
said to myself. I didn’t want to go back home, so I kept strolling near
her blocks for some time.
I was so smitten by her charm. All I can say, I was on top of the world
and humming all the romantic songs that came to my mind. As I
headed back home, The autumn leaves kept on blowing. One of the
leaves stopped by my feet, and I picked one.
I went back home and downloaded the song “Be with you.” Than night
I just couldn’t sleep. Recalling, the moments we were walking. . I
never felt like that before. I sit by the window and I thought about
today. I kept looking at the moonlight and listening to her favorite track
“I just wanna be with you.” I said taking a deep breath.

Chapter 13
Al-Jannah – “A walk to remember”
Jan 21, 2007
“Like a dream you can't explain love can chase a beating of

your heart
Like the sun shining in the rain love can make your whole
world fall apart”
I t was late in January, a cold winter morning. The sky was all
covered with white clouds, Birds fluttering in heaven. Back on earth, in
the secret gardens of Aden, the scent of the flowers mingled with the
breeze. The autumn maple leaves were falling again. The silence of the
morning, flowers and trees. Love was in the air and everything was so
poetic. The fragrance of ‘Azhar’ enriched the garden. I was up, before
the sun and hadn’t last night. We had decided to meet for a morning
walk at ‘Al-Jannah’ . Never thought that the morning would change my
life forever.
The flowers were murmuring, and as we walked down

the garden, heard the angels in the heaven whispering “perfect”. We
were walking down the park, unaware of the world around us.
Listening to the breathing of the nature, and feeling the chill of a
winter morning. She was wearing a turquoise jacket, and a white tee
that clung to her chest tightly. Her hair was in a mess, and that just out
of the bed look, really took my breath away. We walked in the garden,
for some time.
“ In this silent night

wid the cell in my hands,
I think of him and wait for his msg
His daily nightly msgs make me weep and smile
3 yrs with a flirty bloke,
it wasn’t a joke.
Until I fell for a guy,
Who already has a gal,
Boy O boy, @ dis rate I will fall in lov all
ova again.”
She had messaged me this beautiful poem last night. I think about
this as we walk in silence. I really wanted to compliment her on the
poem she wrote for me, but instead I just kept on looking at her. She
looked so beautiful that morning. That day she redefined
The term ‘Zaina’. As the rays of the sun shone on her face, neck and
arms, she looked like an ivory princess walking in the gardens of the
castle.
We sat silently in a secluded bench of the garden. For a moment I

thought, Life is all about sitting on benches, with her and feeling the
beauty of flowers and the nature.
Life is all about writing poetry and expressing your deepest desires.
There was a complete silence. Time passed, and gradually our
breathing began to coincide. .
While somewhere above the blue sky, the eyes of heaven

witnessed our drama. I was lost in my own world. Each minute that we
spent, was like a year of love. My angel , my ‘Malak’ was sitting next
to me and I was able to see how close I felt to her. I played the song
“Maula Mere” in the walk phone of my cellphone. I looked into her
beautiful eyes, all in love. The song made us even closer to heaven.
Suddenly, I felt something hard on my head. I was hit by

something. I am sure; those weren’t flowers pouring from heaven. It
was a tennis ball. Someone played a shot out of the court and it landed
on my head. It wasn’t funny at all. But my love found it funny. She
started bursting out in laughter. Her dimples enhanced her beauty.
They were really cute. Perhaps, that incident just broke the ice for us
or we would have continued being silent.
“Do you like swimming?” I asked
“Ya, I have been swimming from the age of 5.” But it has been a long
time I have been in the water.” She said
“I love swimming and I go for a dip every weekend, I hope I see you
getting wet some day .” I smiled
“I have a red costume.” She gave one her flirtiest smile.
“Okay, now I am dreaming of you in a red costume, and the water

droplets falling from your hair.”
“I know you are getting ideas.” She laughed under her breath.
It was really great spending time with her. There was a momentary
silence. I started playing the walkman in my cell phone. The Song
‘Maula Mere Maula ‘ in the background, really made me feel I was in
heaven. Somehow I knew, she loved that song.
“Aankhen teri itni hazeen,

Ki inka aashiq main ban gaya hoon
Mujhko chupa le in mein tu.
Ishq hain, maula mere malua mere.”
“I love this song.” She said
“I know, it has a mesmerizing lyrics that transports you to heaven.” I

said.
“Ya, it keeps coming on the radio.”
She smiled softly and said, “ Show me your hands!” I opened the fist of
my left hand and placed it on her lap. She studied my hand for some
time, the softness of our touch. It really ringed my bells deep inside.
“Are you a palmist, trying to predict my future” I said.
She looked away without answering, and didn’t say a word. There was
a momentary silence, and this silence was killing me.
She paused, collecting her thoughts. “ And show me your other hand”
I gave my other hand too. Again she did the same ritual, carefully
examining my lines and fist. Then
“ Am I going to die soon!.” I laughed.
She just smiled, didn’t answer me , The serene look in her eyes
deepened. A witch inside her had awakened. Her eyes ‘twinkling’ in
delight. She squeezed my hand a little, and I was blushing all over. I
couldn’t look into her eyes anymore.
After a deep pause, she said. “ Is it ok, if I hold your hands, It feels
better.”
It surely did. Her hands were really cold. It was always like that, even
when we met for the first time. “All signs of a cold blooded witch” I
wondered.
When I felt her cold hands touching mine, I felt a goosebump inside.
A feeling that I cannot explain in words. My hands were warm, and her
were cold. I gave her my warmth and she cooled my soul.
Suddenly she rolled her eyes upon me.
“I really meant what I said last night. I really like you. It’s okay, I know
you have a girl.” She confessed.
I was stunned. For a moment, I thought I was dreaming. I didn’t utter a

word and wanted to hear the three magical words, which I was longing
for. Sometimes silent says it all. We were still holding hands. I gave her
a sweet peck on her check.
“Let’s walk again” she said and held my hands and took me to a
secluded corner of the jogging track. It was 9 am, in the morning and
there was hardly anyone in the garden.
She held my eyes for a long moment, and told me something, which
sent a bolt of lightning along my spine. “Kiss me” she innocently
whispered.
The sound that echoed my ears, like a ringing bell. Was I actually
dreaming?
I said “What!”
“You heard it right, just kiss me” she said with her sensuous voice.
Without letting the moment pass by, I held her by her waist, and
brought her closer.
I closed my eyes, and felt her burning lips touching mine; they were so
soft and tender. She lifted her head and reciprocated with a passionate
bite. I leaned in slowly and kissed her softly again. Her lips were dry
and as she felt the moisture on my lips, I knew I had touched heaven. I
felt a tingling sensation in my tongue, and my head started spinning,
Stars exploding in my head. Everything seemed so beautiful. I felt the
adrenaline bolting down my body, butterflies in my stomach. My
thoughts were twirling like the wind around us.
“I love you Jane.”

“I love you too.” She cried.
“A cloud shifted. The world froze

Cupid striked at that time.

When we were on cloud nine.
With a passion flowing free
Sparks flew that we could see”
Our hearts were racing to a heavenly beat. Our souls connected, and
I felt something, which I had never felt before. Her sensual fragrance
that rivaled the angels. I put my arms around her and reached over to
embrace her. As my fingers slid through her hair, I felt the warmth of
her embrace. I knew I had found the love of my life. I let myself stay in
the moment forever. The memory of which melts my heart and
awakens by its sweetness all the virtue of my spirit. Time passed, and
as we pulled back, the world seemed so dreamlike. All was left behind
were two souls united forever at Al-Jannah.
“The clock tickling slowly

the world disappeared
and all that was left was her and me
and as we pulled away
I felt as though I could fly
I felt life for the first time”
The ‘Al-Jannah’ never looked so beautiful .I looked at her and

realized how special she was for me. It took me a moment to figure
out, that It was a reality. I never thought that our first kiss, would be
this way. When I think of that morning, I feel a lump in my throat. What
if Someone would have stepped in? But the thrill, and adventure made
it look all worth it. Perhaps, some beautiful things happen in the world,
at the most beautiful places at the time when you least expected.
From that day, we hardly stayed apart….

A walk to remember…A walk to cherish…..A walk

that changed my life.
Al-Jannah – The garden described in the Quran,

Ar-Rayyan – The gates of judgement
Malak – Angel
Anwar - Rays of light
Azhar - Flowers, blossoms
Zaina – Beautiful
Chapter 14
Teardrops on my guitar…..
“Sad refrains from my guitar echo from my soul

They're my last hope for sanity since your love for me turned
cold
Every weeping melody pours from my breaking heart
I struggle with your memory and tears on my guitar
Listen, as my guitar cries for you

Longing for your harmony fore your love fell out of tune
Sweetest song we ever sang was in each others arms
Theres nothin' left but silence, and tears on my guitar
You have closed the curtain on a love we shared so true

No more sweet love songs, nothin but the blues
Saddest notes I ever played float softly toward the stars
With my desperate prayers, and tears on my guitar
- Gene Kelton
H ere I am, feeling deceived by my love. I just can’t get over her. With my
trembling hands, I try to play my guitar, I try to strum the same song but I just
can’t get the chords right. My guitar weeps silently, perhaps it knows, that it
might never sound the same again. It knows that no one is going to play it again.
I tell my guitar softly to go to sleep. I will stay up all night, till my heart expels all
these thoughts.
I sit on my bed, with the guitar in my laps. My room is in a mess. There are
papers, gifts, clothe, books everywhere. Everything reminds me of her. I still
smell her fragrance in the clothes she has left behind.
It just seems like yesterday, she was here. I grieve silently, and each morning
I wake up dry-eyed or with eyes brimming with tears. Sleep eludes me,
This place is replete with poignant memories, and I feel her presence all over. My
initial outburst on love lost seems to be now settling into a numbness of living
without my love and being single again.
My love is not lost: it endures as I miss my special friend and feel her presence.
I am walking down the same streets, its unbelievable that some months back we
were walking hand in hand, and now these same streets look so empty.
It’s raining and my heart is pouring out, As the rain drops wipe away my tear.
I even try to close my eyes, but it does not ease my pain.
My guitar, can see the pain i am going through. I am left all alone, teardrops in
my eyes while the guitar gently weeps…….
“Don’t cry baby, love will find me again.”

The witch of Portobello

Far away, in a mystical land
There was someone with a magic wand
There use to stay a lonely witch
Trapped in the past with a secret wish
She yearned for a caring wizard
Little did she knew, her love was a few blocks away,
Staying at fourteenth storey,
She wanted all the glory
She decided to go the witchy way
Used all her potions and beauty charms
To take his heart away
I still remember the day

When I went to her place
She sat besides me on a marble
And recited me her favorite novel
Her recitation took my breath away
And nothing could stop me from loving her that day
I gave her a peck on her cheek,
I felt so warm in her embrace
I had the world in my arms
Something made me believe
This love so true and sweet
Every word she said and whispered

Sounded like a lullaby
I just kept on looking at her eyes twinkling with delight
I wish I could have drooled on
Till the crack of dawn,
She showed me her wardrobe,

Clothes scattered in every drawer,
Her tops smelled so sensuous.
Gosh! She must be so delicious
I was totally turned on
Only her touch of her lips
Turned my passion off
My heart skipped a beat,

When I saw her lying on her bedsheet
She looked so cute in her night wear
I just wanted to feel her everywhere
I knew she was kinda wet!
Dreams came to an end, It was time to go

She escorted me to her door,
Saying goodbye with her sensuous moves
I wanted to stay there for some time,
But I guess it was too late.
When I think of that beautiful day

My heart has a silent cry
Why did she left me Behind?
I pass her door
But she doesn’t live there anymore
Years she was there
Now suddenly the lights are off,
It’s all dark, cold and she has disappeared
I am still walking down these empty streets
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams,
When I look up in the sky,
I can see the window
I can still see the Witch of Portobello

At Flat no 1402.
“There is something in your eyes that I still cannot resist

There is something in this cold air which i can only feel
There is something about you that makes me cry
There is something that makes me miss you my cuiepie!
The way that we touch is something that you can't deny
And the way you kissed m.
Gosh! you made me alive
When i revive those memories,

And go back to those times
I picture a dream
Holding your cold hands,
the mornings we have spent walking
the nights we have spent talking
the tender words we whispered
the times we have shared
the days we faced those tough times
There is no one to stir my coffee

There is no one to take that first sip
There is no one who write poetries
There is no one to feed me with those caring hands
Seeing your face, no more on my pillow

I pray to see the lights on in your window
I'm still breathing, i m falling apart

Days seems like years, living without u sweetheart
I'm still living on a dream,
That is bleak & wouldn't last
I still see that ray of lighting
In this cold lonely night
We might not have a future,
But let’s give it a try, I promise
I will love you till I die,
My arms will keep u walk and safe
I will hold your hands in every bad phase
distance separate us, You are just some miles away
But I know we are always together in our dreams everyday
I'm going through hell,

I need one of your witchy spell,
Please show me a sign
Say you want me baby, say you need me
Hold on let's give it a try
Together we will make it happen
and make our mystery green all again
Don't let me die
Only the sound of your voice can save my life.
You can never tell what the next thing in life could be
But I know one thing and that is you were made for me,”
Way Back into Love

“I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can’t seem to move on
I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

I’ve been praying that I will get you someday
I’ve been trying to turn back time
I’ve been trying to make my poems rhyme
I’ve been watching, but the stars refuse to shine

I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs
I know that you are out there
Miles away thinking about me somewhere
I’ve been looking for someone to share my life

But seems like you are not ready to sacrifice
There are moments when I don’t know

If it’s real
Or if you really feel the way I Feel
I need an inspiration
Not another separation
For the times when I don’t feel right

I look at your pics in this dark blue night
I look at your window in the sky
And I can see your shadow in the house nearby
I am walking down these empty streets

Listening to your favorite beats

Your fragrance still enriches and makes my place alive
Your memories still make me weep and smile.
All I wanna do is find a way back into love

I can’t make it through without a way back into love”
- Masoom Tulsiani
DESERT ROSE
Work Under Progress
Do leave your suggestions and comments, at

masoom_rocky@hotmail.com

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Desert Rose Masoom Tulsiani

Desert Rose Masoom Tulsiani

About the Author:

Masoom Tulsiani, is eighteen and has lived in Saudi-Arabia,

Apart from being an avid blogger, he has also been a part of

His Novel “Desert Rose” is a tribute to his love, and his

He can be contacted at masoom_rocky@hotmail.com.

Desert Rose was first uploaded in ifiwereabook.com on

All characters, names, locations and events mentioned in this

Cover design: Masoom Tulsiani

Official Homepage: www.desertrose.blogspot.com

Typeset in 12pt. by Masoom Tulsiani at Mumbai.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be

any form or by any means,

“Someday when the pages of my life end, and I turn

Dedicated to my dearest love. Wherever you are, I hope you are

I’m grateful to my parents and friends for the unflinching

I am also grateful to Vikram Singh Chauhan, the founder of

I got inspired by the song Desert Rose, and most of

“My dearest Jane, I miss you my baby as always do but today it is

You will never understand

Hell's ashes may snow...

Where pure love's "Sweetness" blooms in the midst of the desert.....”

“Inta Hayati, Inta Habibi” (You are my love, my life)

A guy brought up and born in the middle-east who yearned

On losing his beloved, he embarks upon a journey to get

On this time odyssey, he struggles to find his own way back

Discover the quaint, romantic fairy tale that blossoms into an

the mystery that surrounds it. Discover the enigmatic voyage

A storm of air sweeps along the lonesome sands. Beneath, this

“Heal me from this pain, Quench my burning thirst.”

Cursed by life, Jinxed by bad luck and deceived by the circumstances, he

As he moved closer, the image started fading. Within moments,

“In the Desert of the heart, Let the healing start.”

"Drink to me with your eyes alone … And if you will,

I head to Starbucks, the coffee shop in Bur Juman., Dubai. There is

I am a coffee addict and whenever I pass near Starbucks, I never miss an

For a change, I am sitting alone , reading one of Paulo Coelho’s books.

“Are you checking out my home making skills” she smiles.

“I won’t , we will be having servants.” she said bursting out in laughter.”

“You want me to add some more” she says.

“How does the coffee taste now.” She blushes.

At that moment, I felt I was so lucky to, have her in my life.

“I know, I have that effect on things.” She said

“I hope I don’t transform into a vampire.”

I continue listening to the song by Enrique.

“I walk a lonely road

I walk this empty street

“ I still feel your touch in my dreams

I feel so nostalgic. Those sleepless nights, beautiful moments shared together.

“I am walking down your street again

Its years since you’ ve been there

“It's really over, you made your stand

You take your sweaters

When i was your lover

If i'm forced to find another i hope she looks like you “

“When you are a child you have images....dreams...about pretty

I am not able to pull my thoughts together. I write a poem and another,

I sit by my window in the night , and try to revive my memories in the

“So go on baby playing with me

So now, I’m gonna find another you…………

Nov 9th 2007

“Where do you go when you’re lonely?