Building Confidence To Choose Wisely

Darren Roberts
Copyright © All Rights Reserved

Confidence is not something that can really be taught. It can be learned,

but for me to say that I wish to show you how to become confident in 5
easy steps isn't appropriate. Confidence is a trait we all have to varying
levels. Those that are very self-assured generally believe in who they
are, what they are doing and pursue their convictions with vigor based
on this belief. Confidence isn't hard to learn. It comes to you with
knowledge, experience and desire.

Through our lifetime, we will tackle new challenges; some will be known
quantities while others will be unknown. It is how we tackle our problems and
what we learn from them that is important. You can't always confront things that
you have no experience in, but if you regularly doubt your confidence, you may
become insular and seldom stray from the familiar.

It is through our knowledge of the familiar, where we can draw on our strengths
to move on to new and more challenging tasks. It is our knowledge of our
abilities, which gives us the strength we need, to ask more from ourselves to
move up to the next level. Your confidence is paramount in your success!

Tell me, have you ever heard of any success stories where the Gold Medallist,
CEO, President or Prime Minister lacked confidence? Had they done so, then it's
unlikely they would have got themselves into their respective position. Your belief
in your abilities is your confidence. It is everything. It is a lack of confidence that
precludes us from doing many things simply because our faith in ourselves is
lacking.

Okay, let's assume your self-confidence is down. Negative results and negative
feedback are two major contributors to shaking our own personal belief. There
are reasons for negative results, which should be examined in detail. Generally
speaking, it is because someone, maybe yourself, had higher expectations than
you could deliver. Of course, there are a myriad of possibilities but let's work on
this one. When this happens you have two possibilities:

Ø Crawl into your shell full of guilt and shame

Ø Learn from it and bounce back with a vengeance
The first option isn't really an option, as it will zap your confidence. In fact, it will
strip you of self-belief
and make it difficult for you to tackle it again. Option 2 is all about learning from
your mistakes and jumping right back on the horse. It is your persistence,
willingness to learn and your belief in yourself and your abilities, which keeps you
marching forward. This will give your self-confidence a major boost.

Remember, failing once at something is simply a learning exercise, which tells

you that the way you have just tried isn't working It's not asking you to give up,
it's simply closing one door. All you need to do is find another door and open it. It
is this attitude that will build your self-confidence, as you will be learning along
the way and amending your application and plan.

It is this reviewing as you go followed by adjust, amend and focus that allows you
to choose wisely. Nevertheless, you must choose. You can't expect other people
to make your choices for you. Sure, others will assist you but the final choice will
always be up to you. You will occasionally choose poorly along the way. In fact,
you will almost with certainty choose poorly quite regularly at the beginning.

This is normal and to be expected. How else do you get the experience that we
all so desperately long to have? It is our decisions, which give us experience to
make further and more highly informed decisions along the way.

Can you see how your confidence can build here? As your confidence grows in
your abilities, you will become more able. They are directly linked.

You will need to take risks along the way. Dependant upon your personality will
be the level of risk you take. If you have a Managed Investment Portfolio then
look at the level of risk you have invested, this will give you a good indication of
how much risk you will take. It will show you how far out on a limb you may go
out of your comfort zone, in order to get what it is you really want. If you don't
have such a policy, then draw a parallel. You could write down what your
definition of "risk" really is and use it as a guide.

Your self-confidence grows as you grow. This gives you a broader understanding
of your options, which allows you to make knowledgeable decisions, utilizing your
power of choice. Choice needs to be learned. At the beginning, there is only one
option. If we decide on that route then we haven't taken full advantage of our
birthright. Every other species on this earth has not got the level of choice that is
available to us. Don't let anyone push your buttons. Choose to push them
yourself as you pursue your goals choosing to become successful.

Diana Robinson, Ph.D

"Before we can transcend, we must accept."

This means that before we can solve a problem, we must accept that it is a
problem. Our problem. Accepting it means settling down and taking
responsibility for it. Many times, rather than accepting a problem, we spend
more energy fighting it than would be needed to solve it. How do we avoid
accepting a problem? Among the most popular techniques are to avoid, deny,
minimize, blame, argue.

I'll use two examples, spilled milk, and a relationship in trouble, to

demonstrate what I mean.

AVOID: When the milk is spilled we walk around it, we leave, we discover an
urgent task elsewhere. When a relationship is in trouble, we watch TV,
immerse ourselves in work, or change the subject if it appears the other
person is attempting to raise the issue.

MINIMIZE: "It's just a little drop, who cares!" "We don't argue that
often." "I hardly touched her." "We're a lot better off than some people I
could mention."

BLAME: "If you hadn't startled me I wouldn't have spilled it." "If only he
would stay home more often..." "If only she wouldn't nag..."

ARGUE/DENY: "Why should I clean it up?" "It's not my job!" "I don't have
a problem." "If you're not happy, why don't YOU see a counselor, it's not my
problem."

It's very easy to see all these techniques when other people are using them,
but when it's us, they can seem very rational. The fact is, they all take
energy that would be better used in solving the problem, and they do not
make the problem go away.

So, when you catch yourself using one of these techniques just stop, take a
deep breath, and start figuring out how to solve the problem. I've put my
solution together as a Top Ten list, but you see it here first:

1. Catch yourself in whatever avoidance or defensive technique you tend to

use.

2.Take a deep breath, laugh at yourself a little.

Consider what you'd say to a good friend who was behaving that way.
3. Accept the problem. It's here. Arguing, wishing it would go away, will not
solve it.
4. Gather the facts. What exactly is happening?
5. Survey the severity of the situation.
How bad is it? What will be the consequences if it is not stopped, or solved?
6. Double-check to be sure you are not over-reacting.
Use the information gathered in the last two steps to be sure that your
response will not be a
mountain-climbing response to a molehill issue.
7. If possible, acquire the necessary tools or skills to deal with it. For spilled
milk, the tool is
probably a paper towel or a cleaning rag. For a relationship, the first tool and
most important
tool is honesty, with oneself and with the other.
8. Assess carefully, putting your ego aside, whether you can fix this
yourself. There are some things
for which you need expert help, whether it be from a coach, a plumber, or a
therapist.
9. Do what you need to do to fix it, with or without help.
10. Use what you've learned to set up a mechanism to prevent repetition of
the problem.

© Diana RobinsonAjan Raghunathan

 "The whole of Science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking"

- Albert Einstein

1. Introduction
2. The Purpose of Thinking
3. Can We Improve Our Thinking Ability?
4. Why Should We Improve Our Thinking Skills
5. Misconceptions and Wrong Notions Regarding Thinking
6. Errors in Thinking
7. Thinking Formulae
8. Lateral Thinking

Introduction

Thinking is the highest mental activity present in man. All human achievements
and progress are simply the products of thought. The evolution of culture, art,
literature, science and technology are all the results of thinking.

Thought and action are inseparable - they are actually the two sides of the same
coin. All our deliberate action starts from our deliberate thinking. For a man to do
something, he should first see it in his mind's eye -- he should imagine it, think
about it first, before he can do it. All creations-- whether artistic, literal or scientific
--first occur in the creator's mind before it is actually given life in the real world.

The Purpose of Thinking

The purpose of thinking, paradoxically, is to arrive at a state where thinking is no

more necessary at all. In other words, thinking starts with a problem and ends in
a solution. Thus, thinking is a tool for adapting ourselves to the physical and
social environment in which we are in.

Can We Improve Our Thinking Ability?

Dr. Edward de Bono says that thinking CAN be improved just like any skill because
thinking according to him is a skill. He has developed many useful techniques for
training thinking skills.

Why Should We Improve Our Thinking Skills

The benefits of developing thinking ability are manifold. By developing one's

thinking skills one can make achievements; can become successful; can shine in
social life; can attain emotional, social and economic maturity and so on. By
developing one's thinking abilities it is possible to transform one's aggressive
tendencies, bad temper and other negative tendencies creatively and
constructively. It has been found by Dr.Edward de Bono that when school
students were taught to think effectively, their ill-temper and aggressive
tendencies reduced significantly. Clinical Psychologists have also found that
those who have neuroses are poor thinkers compared to normals. Neurotics
scored significantly lower scores in decision making, problem solving and
creative thinking. Interestingly, when neurotics were taught to think effectively,
they showed a remarkable reduction in their neurosis.

Misconceptions Regarding Thinking

There are a lot of misconceptions about thinking even in highly educated people.
These notions have been deeply rooted in the society and thus have become
very detrimental to the development of thinking skills. It is time and enough that
we removed them. The most important of such misconceptions are:

Misconception No.1:

The present education system develops and enhances thinking and so the more
educated you are the better thinker you are.

Fact:

Actually, education suppresses free thinking. Creative thinking has almost no

place in current education. Moreover, education even destroys creative thinking
abilities by its over emphasis on logical thnking and critical thinking which are
relatively lower types of human thinking.

Since reasoning, argument, problem solving are given over importance a need to
become correct and successful all the time is developed in the student. Again,
our present education system is so information oriented that it gives ready-made
answers. This kills the student's natural tendency to explore, experiment and to
experience. Thus, the highly educated person ends up having lesser ability to
think creatively although he/she may have a lot of information at his/her disposal
and also have admirable abilities in logical and critical thinking.

Misconception No.2:

Less Educated or Uneducated can never become good thinkers.

Fact:

Actually, less educated display higher abilities in creative thinking. This is

because they do not have an inflated ego that demands cent percent correct
answers or success in all endeavors. Again, they do not have ready-made-
answers (i.e., book-answers) and so are forced to explore, experiment and
experience things themselves. This empowers them to go through less explored
answers and even find original answers.

Misconception No.3:

IQ and thinking ability are the same. The more IQ one has, the better thinking
ability one has. On the contrary, those who have lower IQ have only low thinking
abilities.

Fact:

It is true that those who have greater thinking ability, as a rule, have high IQ. But
this does not mean that all those who have high IQ are good thinkers. Usually
high IQ people use their thinking skills for logical thinking, arguments, critical
thinking. They very rarely use creative thinking. Thus high IQ is actually a
blockage to creative thinking. It has also been found that those who have
average IQ can become better thinkers.

Misconception No.4:

Thinking ability, decision making ability and problem solving ability are inherent
and there is very little we can do to develop these.

Fact:

This is the most terrible misconception regarding thinking. In fact, Dr.Edward de

Bono (and also many others) have proved that thinking is a skill that can be
enhanced by training and practice. Thus decision making, problem solving and
creative thinking can be developed and improved.

Errors in Thinking

It is necessary that we should be aware of the errors in thinking. There are five
such errors in thinking: 1. Partialism 2. Adversary Thinking 3. Time Scale Error 4.
Initial Judgement and 5.Arrogance and Conceit.

1. Partialism
This error occurs when the thinker observes the problem through one
 perspective only. That is, the thinker examines only one or two factors of
the problem and arrives at a premature solution.
2. Adversary Thinking
This is a "you are wrong. So, I should be right." type of reasoning.
Politicians are the masters in this type of thinking and they use it to their
advantage.
3. Time Scale Error
This is a kind of partialism in thinking in which the thinker sees the
problem from a limited time-frame. It can be likened to short-sightedness.
4. Initial Judgement
Here, the thinker becomes very subjective. Instead of considering the
issue or problem objectively, the thinker approaches it with prejudice or
bias.
5. Arrogance and Conceit
This error is sometimes called the "Village Venus Effect" because like the
villagers who think that the most beautiful girl in the world is the most
beautiful girl in their village, the thinker believes that there is no better
solution other than that he has already found. This blocks creativity. Not
only individuals but societies and even the whole mankind sometimes fall
prey to this error. For example, before Einstein, the whole scientific
community (and thus the whole mankind) believed that time was absolute.

Thinking Formulae

Dr. de Bono has devised some thinking formulae to help us practice thinking as a
skilll. Most important of them are: 1. AGO 2. CAF 3. PMI 4.OPV 5.APC

1. AGO
AGO stands for Aims Goals Objectives. Since deliberate thinking is
actually the manifestation of deliberate use of Will Power, it is important
that the thinker should be well aware of the aims, goals and objectives. In
other words, a sense of direction is required if one is to use his thinking
effectively.
2. CAF
CAF stands for Consider All Factors. It reminds us that all factors or
parameters of a problem should be considered to analyze it. By doing so,
one can avoid the error of partialism in thinking.
3. PMI
PMI is the abbreviation for Plus Minus Interesting. When making
decisions, this technique is very useful. First write down all the plus (i.e.,
positive) suggestions or aspects of a solution. Then write down all the
minus (i.e., negative) aspects. Lastly, write down the interesting ideas or
 suggestions or aspects of the same. Now it is easy to arrive at the best
suitable solution of the issue or problem at hand.
4. OPV
OPV means Other People's Views. In this technique, the thinker thinks
from the perspectibve of the different people involved in or affected by the
decision or solution. For example, a change in syllabus mainly affects the
students, teachers, management and parents either directly or indirectly.
So, before implementing a new syllabus, we should think from the
perspective of all these people. This is especially important when the
decision is enacted upon and through other people.
5. APC
APC is the short form for Alternatives Possibilities Choices. In this
technique, the thinker generates as much alternatives, possibilities and
choices for the solution of the problem. The best suitable one can then be
selected by applying PMI or OPV.

Lateral Thinking

Dr. de Bono speaks about two types of thinking -- Vertical thinking and Lateral
thinking. Vertical thinking is high probability thinking, whereas lateral thinking is
low probability thinking. In the former type, the thinker selects the most logical
solution possible. This will be the one that is the most used and the most tested
one. For example, suppose you want to cut a cake or hard boiled egg into two.
Using a knife or a sharp blade to cut it is the most probable and most logical
solution. But there are other less probable ways: for example, you can use a
twine. The former is an example of a solution arrived at Vertical thinking while the
later is an example of a solution arrived at using Lateral thinking.

Dr. de Bono argues that creativity comes from Lateral thinking. He also says that
it is possible to improve lateral thinking ( and thus creativity) by deliberate
application and practice of the techniques he has devised. He gives two main
techniques for improving our problem solving by lateral thinking:

1. Divide the Problem into Small Sub-Problems

This allows the thinker to perceive the problem in detail because he is able
to approach each sub-problem individually and thus he is able to consider
more parameters.
2. Move Attention from One Part of the Problem to Another Part
When we move our attention from one part of the problem to another, it is
possible to view the problem from a new perspective. This would in turn
help you solve the problem easily.

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