Who Am I?

--by Michael Cho

I wish I could write about the Michael Cho who stars in my Walter Mitty-like
fantasies.
If only my personal statement could consist of my name followed by such terms as
Olympic athlete, master chef, boy genius, universal best friend, and Prince
Charming to every hopeful woman. These claims would be, at worst, outright lies,
or
at best, gross hyperbole. My dreams, however, take their place alongside my
memories, experiences, and genes in the palette that constitutes who I am.
Who am I? I am a product of my reality and my imagination. I am innately
depraved,
yet I am made perfect. I plan my day with the knowledge that Everything is
meaningless (Ecclesiastes 1:2), but I must make the most of every opportunity
(Colossians 4:5). I search for simple answers, but find only complex questions.
Once, on my way to a wrestling tournament, I was so engulfed in thought over
whether living in an abode which rotated near the speed of light would result in
my
being younger (utilizing the Theory of Relativity) and stronger (utilizing the
properties of adaptation along with the definition of centripetal and gravitatio
nal
force) that I failed to realize that I had left my wrestling shoes in my locker.
My
mother says that my decision to wrestle is indicative of the fact I don t think.
Through working in a nursing home, the most important lesson I ve learned is that
I have many lessons yet to learn. Thus the most valuable knowledge I possess
reminds me how little knowledge I have.
Often times people make the mistake of assuming that mutually exclusive qualitie
s
bear no relationship to one another. Not so! These dichotomies continuously
redefine each other. In some cases one is totally dependent on the other s existen
ce.
What is faith without doubt? Without one, the other does not exit. When juxtapos
ed,
opposites create a dialectic utterly more profound and beautiful than its parts.
Walt
Whitman embraces this syncretism by stating, Do I contradict myself? Very well
then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes). My qualities, thoug
h
contradictory, define who I am.
Although I can t make fantastic claims about myself, I must still acknowledge and
cherish the dreams that I have. Admittedly, it is tragic when one is so absorbed
in
fantasy that he loses touch with reality. But it is equally tragic when one is s
o
absorbed in reality that ho loses the ability to dream. When a healthy amount of
reality and fantasy are synthesized, the synergy is such that something beautifu
l
will undoubtedly result.

ANALYSIS
This applicant addresses the proverbial question of Who Am I? In doing so, he
expresses, both implicitly and explicitly, his hobbies, extracurricular activiti
es, and
outlook on life. The writer not only reveals his participation in wrestling, wor
k at a
nursing home, and knowledge of Quantum Mchanics, but he also exposes the reader
to many aspects of his personality and inner thoughts on life. His questioning o
f the
meaning of life and evaluation of his own identity reveal an inquisitive side to
his
personality.
Overall, this essay is well written and easy to read. The introduction is strong
in that
the applicant levels with admission officer by admitting he does not consider hi
mself
to be a spectacular individual, giving the impression that what follows is writt
en
honestly. Another storng point of the essay is that it reveals many of the activ
ities in
which the writer is involved. This serves to give the admissions officer a more
personalized picture of the applicant. The biblical and Walt Whitman quotations
are
very well used and demonstrate the strong intellect of the writer.
While the essay does provide some insight into the philosophical thoughts of the
applicant, in many ways it is too theoretical. The writer could improve the essa
y by
specifically listing the dreams or goals he cherishes or perhaps by writing in m
ore
detail about one of the many experiences he mentions in the statement. The flow
of
the essay is also hindered in a number of ways. First, the word choice seems sli
ghtly
unnatural almost as if the applicant relied on a thesaurus when writing the essa
y;
as a result, the tone seems to be a bit contrived. Second, while the overall the
me of
self-identification is maintained throughout the essay, the individual paragraph
s
jump from one topic to the next in a disjointed fashion. For example, it is inte
resting
to know that the applicant worked at a nursing home, but mentioning such does no
t
seem to fit with the overall progression of the essay. It is important that the
personal
statement convey to the admissions officer a sense of who you are and what you a
re
like in person, but it is not necessary to cram every extracurricular activity o
r
accomplishment into the essay; there are other sections of the application for l
isting
such things.