Family Life Month Packet 1998
Family & Consumer Sciences
Families ... generations of strength
Ten Tips for Parents
Kirk Bloir, CFCS, Ohio State University Extension, Madison County
As parents, we all search for ways to make our job
easier. Whether we are the stay at home parent or the one
on the road, here are some tips you may find helpful.
• Use Genuine Encounter Moments (GEMS)
The self-esteem of children is greatly influenced by the
quality of time spent with them, not the amount. Busy
lives cause many parents to think about the next thing they
have to do instead of focusing attention on their children.
If children don’t receive GEMS throughout the day, they
may misbehave—negative attention is better than no at-
tention.
• Actions speak louder than words
Statistics reveal children receive over 2,000 compliance
requests a day. As a result, many become Apparent deaf.
Instead of nagging or yelling, search for an action.
• Give children appropriate ways to feel power
If parents don=t, children will find inappropriate ways
to feel their power. Ways to help them feel powerful are
to ask their advice, give them choices, let them help
balance the check book, help with household tasks—even
if you can do these tasks yourself with less hassle.
• Use natural consequence
When parents consistently interfere in situations, they
rob children of learning opportunities.
By allowing consequences to do the talking, rather
than constant nagging or reminding.
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• Use logical consequences
Often the natural consequences may be too severe or far
in the future to be of practice use.
When this is the case, logical consequences are effective.
It is important for consequences to be logically related to
the behavior in order for them to work. If a child forgets
to return the overdue video, and they are grounded for a
week, that punishment only creates resentment.
Instead, return it for them and deduct the fee from their
allowance, or allow them to work-off the money owed. In
this manner the child can see the logic of the discipline.
• Withdraw from conflict
If a child is throwing a temper tantrum to test the
patience of their parents, or speaks disrespectfully, parents
should leave the room and tell the child when they want to
“try again” to come talk. Don’t leave in anger or defeat.
• Separate the deed from the doer
Never tell a child they are bad. Instead, help the child
recognize what it was about their behavior that was inap-
propriate or not tolerable. Behaviors may be wrong, but
the child still needs to feel loved, no matter what they may
do.
• Be consistent, follow through
Children need to have a consistent message sent to
them. It is equally important to follow through. If a child
knows they are not to have candy after 8:00 p.m., no matter
how much pouting, tears, pleas, or demands, no candy
after 8:00 p.m.
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• Parent with the end in mind parents, it is very important to remain as calm as possible.
Most parents look for the most expedient solution. This Being firm doesn’t require the use of yelling.
often results in children who feel overpowered. It is
important to keep in mind the way parents want their
children to be as adults and be more thoughtful in the way References:
they parent. Ten keys to successful parenting, http://
www.fishnet.net/~pparents/keys.html
• Be kind and firm at the same time Ames, L. (1988). Questions Parents Ask. New York,
Parents often get frustrated when their children do not NY: Delta.
comply or behave. Frustration can easily lead to anger. As

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