10 tips to help get your anger under control

1. Take a 'timeout.' Although it may seem cliche, counting to 10

before reacting really can defuse your temper.
2. Get some space. Take a break from the person you're angry
with until your frustrations subside a bit.
3. Once you're calm, express your anger. It's healthy to express
your frustration in a nonconfrontational way. Stewing about it
can make the situation worse.
4. Get some exercise. Physical activity can provide an outlet for
your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. Go for a
brisk walk or a run, swim, lift weights or shoot baskets.
5. Think carefully before you say anything. Otherwise, you're
likely to say something you'll regret. It can be helpful to write
down what you want to say so that you can stick to the issues.
When you're angry, it's easy to get sidetracked.
6. Identify solutions to the situation. Instead of focusing on what
made you mad, work with the person who angered you to
resolve the issue at hand.
7. Use 'I' statements when describing the problem. This will help
you to avoid criticizing or placing blame, which can make the
other person angry or resentful — and increase tension. For
instance, say, "I'm upset you didn't help with the housework
this evening," instead of, "You should have helped with the
housework."
8. Don't hold a grudge. If you can forgive the other person, it will
help you both. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave
exactly as you want.
9. Use humor to release tensions. Lightening up can help diffuse
tension. Don't use sarcasm, though — it's can hurt feelings and
make things worse.
10. Practice relaxation skills. Learning skills to relax and de-stress
can also help control your temper when it may flare up.
Practice deep-breathing exercises, visualize a relaxing scene,
or repeat a calming word or phrase to yourself, such as "Take it
easy." Other proven ways to ease anger include listening to
music, writing in a journal and doing yoga.

Getting anger management help

You can practice many of these anger management strategies on your own. But if your anger
seems out of control, is hurting your relationships or makes you feel physically violent or
destructive, you may benefit from some help. Here are some ways you can get help to keep your
frustrations in check:
 • See a psychologist or licensed counselor. Seeing a therapist can help you learn to
recognize your anger warning signs before you blow up, and how to cope with your
anger. Ask your primary care doctor for a referral to a counselor specializing in anger
management. Family and friends also may give you recommendations based on their
experiences. Your health insurer, employee assistance program (EAP), clergy, or state or
local agencies also may offer recommendations.
• Take an anger management class. An anger management class can teach you what
anger is, how to recognize anger triggers and how to keep your anger under control. These
courses can be done individually, with spouses or families, or in groups. In addition to the
search methods for a psychologist or counselor, you can find organizations offering anger
management courses on the Internet and through your district court.
• Read a book. There are a number of helpful books on anger management. A number of
them focus on particular situations, such as anger in teens, anger in men or anger in
couples. Many of them are workbooks, with exercises that teach concrete skills.

Anger and irritability can be signs of an underlying mental health condition, such as depression
or bipolar disorder. If your symptoms don't improve, or you have signs or symptoms of anxiety or
depression, see a mental health provider for help.

Self-esteem: Boost your self-image with these 5

steps

Cognitive behavioral therapy techniques

can help you unlearn thought patterns
that contribute to low self-esteem. See
examples of thoughts that can erode
self-esteem and learn healthy
substitutes.

Low self-esteem can negatively affect virtually every part of your life, including your
relationships, your job and your health. But you can raise your self-esteem to a healthy level,
even if you're an adult who's been harboring a negative self-image since childhood.

Changing the way you think — about yourself and your life — is essential to boosting self-
esteem. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques are especially helpful in changing
unhealthy thinking and behavior patterns. These techniques are based on the idea that your
feelings and behavior result from how you think about yourself and your life. Cognitive
behavioral techniques can help you recognize, challenge and ultimately replace negative thoughts
or inaccurate beliefs with more positive, realistic ones.
These five steps toward healthy self-esteem are based on cognitive behavioral therapy principles.
As you go through these five steps, consider jotting down your thoughts, experiences and
observations in a journal to help you use these steps more effectively.

Step 1: Identify troubling conditions or

situations
Think about the conditions or situations that you find troubling and that seem to deflate your self-
esteem, such as dreading a business presentation, frequently becoming angry or always expecting
the worst. You may be struggling with a change in life circumstances, such as the death of a
loved one, job loss or children leaving home, or a relationship with another person, such as a
spouse, family member or co-worker.

Step 2: Become aware of beliefs and thoughts

Once you've identified troubling conditions or situations, pay attention to your thoughts related to
them. This includes your self-talk — what you tell yourself — and your interpretation of what the
situation means. Your thoughts and beliefs may be positive, negative or neutral. They may be
rational — based on reason or facts — or irrational — based on false ideas.

Step 3: Pinpoint negative or inaccurate thinking

Notice when your thoughts turn toward the negative. Your beliefs and thoughts about a situation
affect your reaction to it. Negative thoughts and beliefs about something or someone can trigger
physical, emotional and behavioral responses, such as:

• Physical responses. These may include muscle tension, a sore back, racing heart,
stomach problems, sweating or changes in sleeping patterns.
• Emotional responses. These may include difficulty concentrating, or feeling
depressed, angry, sad, nervous, guilty or worried.
• Behavioral responses. These may include eating when not hungry, avoiding tasks,
working more than usual, spending increased time alone, obsessing about a situation or
blaming others for your problems.

Step 4: Challenge negative or inaccurate thinking

Your initial thoughts may not be the only possible way to view a situation. So test the accuracy of
your thoughts. Ask yourself whether your view is consistent with facts and logic or whether there
might be other explanations for the situation.
You may not easily recognize inaccuracies in your thinking, though. Most people have automatic,
long-standing ways of thinking about their lives and themselves. These long-held thoughts and
beliefs feel normal and factual to you, but many are actually just opinions or perceptions.

These kinds of thought patterns tend to erode self-esteem:

• All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, "If I
don't succeed in this task, I'm a total failure."
• Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view of a
person or situation. For example, "I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will
realize I'm not up to this job."
• Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other positive
experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "I only did well on that test
because it was so easy."
• Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no
evidence supports it. For example, "My friend hasn't replied to my e-mail, so I must have
done something to make her angry."
• Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, "I
feel like a failure, so I must be a failure." No matter how strong a feeling is, it isn't a fact.
• Self put-downs. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating
humor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For
example, "I don't deserve anything better."

Step 5: Change your thoughts and beliefs

Once you've identified negative or inaccurate thinking you can replace it with accurate thoughts
and beliefs. This can enable you to find constructive ways to cope, and give your self-esteem a
boost.

It takes time and effort to learn how to recognize and replace distressing thoughts with accurate
ones. Thoughts often occur spontaneously or automatically. They can they can be hard to control
or turn off. Thoughts also can be very powerful and aren't always based on logic.

These strategies may help you:

• Use hopeful statements. Treat yourself with kindness and encouragement. Pessimism
can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, if you think your presentation isn't going to go
well, you may indeed stumble through it. Try telling yourself things such as, "Even
though it's tough, I can handle this situation."
• Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes aren't permanent reflections on
you as a person. They are isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, but
that doesn't make me a bad person."
• Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these
words, you may be putting unreasonable demands on yourself — or on others. Removing
these words from your self-talk can give you and others more realistic expectations.
 • Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Ask yourself, "What
things have gone well recently?" "What skills do I have to help me cope with challenging
situations?"
• Relabel upsetting thoughts. Having negative thoughts doesn't mean you must choose to
react negatively. Instead, think of them as signals to use new, healthy thinking patterns.
Ask yourself, "What can I think and do to make this less stressful?"
• Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. Tell yourself, "I
did a good job on the presentation. It may not have been perfect, but my colleagues said it
was good."

Achieving healthy self-esteem

With practice, these steps may come more easily to you. You'll be better able to recognize the
thoughts and beliefs that are contributing to your low self-esteem. Because self-esteem can
fluctuate over time, you may want to revisit these steps, especially if you begin to feel down on
yourself again. Keeping a journal or daily log can help you track trouble spots over time.

Achieving a balanced, accurate view of yourself and accepting your value as a person can help
you feel happier and more confident. And that may rub off on others too, including your children,
family and friends.