1. No wasted beer in the name of humor.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for
birth control
3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be
touched. If he breaks up with her it’s a 6 day waiting period.
4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking
up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home.
(The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is
then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friend’s home)
5. Short shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that
demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.
6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more
urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.
7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating.
However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally
interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl
the right to either get mad or laugh at you.
8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only law
that suffers the penalty of death.
9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his
pockets and one in his car as a spare incase a friend is in desperate need.
10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.
11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re not
a man.
12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment
about it.
13. When a man is borrowing a buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrower puts any
scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do one of the
following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item
costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey...who wants
to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours.
14. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an ugly friend...it is
only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help your
buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and
pay it forward for each other knowing that the favor will one day be replayed.
15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be
called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and
steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car
has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up
where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by
one round of paper rock scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a
row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in
which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.
Addendum to Man Law No. 15:
If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl hints that she
would like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and
depending upon the situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if
said hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the driver's decision and make
her ride in the back. Additionally, if all passengers happen to be female then revert back
to original method of deciding shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage
match. The winner then gets either a cold water hose down or shotgun the next ride
unless the car is really shitty and the owner doesn’t care about muddy seats.
16. It is PAPER, ROCK, and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to
be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober.
17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.
18. You poke it you own it.
19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past.
No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for
fellow men.
20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it
is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other
than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye
to eye if she was to ever find out.
21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any
unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count… rule is in exception
if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.
22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E … Girls Jeans/Pants!)
unless they are the loser of such a bet… or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants… (Or
any other article of clothing).
23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his
collar.
24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his
pants under any circumstances.
25. Being a Pirate should be considered a Manly job because pirates get two types of
booty.
26. All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat. If not borderline carnivore. For no reason
should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also no man should consume
any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the
sake of "watching his weight" or dieting.
27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.
28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations
of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm Sorry"
29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This
is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are separated refer to Law 3 for the
proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on
to you.
30. under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another mans attempt at
getting some tang. Let’s just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that
cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will
result in the title Manbitch.
31. Every man should watch sports center at least once a day, though multiple viewings
are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that
day.
32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence.
Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal
punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment for the attacking male
is that if other men see the assault taking place they having the right to take him out back
behind a building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than
one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he clearly doesn’t
mind an unfair fight seeing as he was hitting a lady or a child to begin with. A call to the
police is a very last resort and should only be used is said male is over 6' 5" 250lb. or an
ufc cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a
guy beating a woman, defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is
called for, but no shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the
crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime and since rape is using that area
of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it (Cameron Ross, Nick Polyzos, Kristina
Brockmann, and Drew Westerfield).
33. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall
make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as,
Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with the
pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.
34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result
in the lowering of status from man to Manbitch and the questioning of the liking of
opposite gendered relationships.
35. Women can't drive.
36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an
insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood
alcohol level exceeds .10.
37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of
punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of
"Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the
broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is
manly...and what is not.
38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the military should at least support the
troops, even if you don’t agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect
you and you should show them your support
39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner cans make
the feat less impressive than with cans of years past.
40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one
beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.
41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.
42. A man will not live in his parent’s house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is
in the war.
43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this".
And the right to leave the room.
44. Sex is more important then talking
45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.
46. Grilling regardless of weather is always the first choice for cooking.
47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat
48. Men will invite other men to Man Law
49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "it’s not their brand."
50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If
the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game shoes or not.
51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the
gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch
away, just no handshakes.
52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is
acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart, cold pizza.
53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.
54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm
temperature with beer still in it. If you can’t drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you
cant drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review.
55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.
56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be
staked or crushed while the bottles may be thrown into neighbor’s lawn.
57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.
58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible,
in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.
59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment).
60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. It’s understood that said friend will repay
beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser
quality.
61. A man purse is still a purse. (David Emadi)
62. No man shall dance for fun unless it’s to increase his chances with a member of the
opposite sex.
63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to support his team.
64. No man shall bring a woman to the guy’s night out. this is punishable by verbal abuse
for life.
65. If you do not sweat, it’s not a sport. (People sweat during Beer Pong.)
66. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed to scream
once.
67. No man shall wear a beret unless it’s for his military service.
68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the
regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.
69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.
70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race
were the winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food, sex.
71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you
loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an Xbox. End of story.
72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible. Besides,
sharing is caring.
73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is
for beer only.
74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and
number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man who
has the man laws memorized will be deemed a "higher" man.
75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no
cross, or stand.
76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with other men.
77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.
78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.
79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it is perfectly
accepted to watch.
80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice.
81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following
sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, Lacrosse, or Ice Hockey.
82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any garment that is not a
part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal...exceptions are
collars, leashes, etc. exception to this rule are monkeys.
83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler...ever...unless beer or liquor
is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavored that comes
in a bottle.
84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a
female.
85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.
1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.
2. Your date is using her teeth.
3. Anna Kournikova gets married.
86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also
perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.
87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-to-eye
contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and
look away.
88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to
another man.
89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.
90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.
91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher
sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monte Cristo, CAO (Cade Mayo).
92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use
the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined (Eric
Gartenberg).
93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it
was a bet. (Boots Jones)
94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any
information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.
95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of
jail within 24 hours.
96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana",
"one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever
saw".
97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination,
beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!" (exception: when
trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)
98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The
maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of
hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden.
But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.
100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child -
within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this
case.
101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot
babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your
good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.
102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they
demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.
103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact,
even remembering your best friend’s birthday is optional)
104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it
was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the
score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing. You should know
such things.
106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of
hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to
prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.
107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in
favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch
standing on the sideline.
108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is
withholding sex, pending your response.
109. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive
hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn
the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks its broken, or have him paged
every seven minutes.
110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact
that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a
discussion about what a big mistake it was.
111. Everybody is Irish on St. Patricks Day. And as such said people must consume
alcohol on St. Patricks Day. Green and/ or gold body paint may be worn, but no glitter.
112.When passing another man in a tight area were contact is possible, hole to hole or
pole to pole is only acceptable. If it is pole to pole no eye contact should be made. If any
detour from this is spotted by any onlooking men, possible labels such as "Fag" may be
deamed necessary. Resulting immediate demotion in man status. (Cody Miller)