Relationship Based Education

THE WAY FORWARD John Hendry OAM

The Relationships Reparation Model

Individual and Institutional Mistake Management
• “Once you have missed the first buttonhole you’ll never button up.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
• First do no harm. (Choose to heal not harm, construct not destruct.)
• We err because of (among other things) “inattention, distraction, lack of interest, poor preparation, genuine stupidity, timidity,
braggadocio, emotional imbalance ... idiological, racial, social or chauvanistic prejudices as well as aggressive or prevaricatory
instincts.” Massimo Piattelli-Parmarimi
• Behaviour is only changed through kindness.
• No-one has a licence to harm another. “We all have a legal DUTY OF CARE.”

REVENGE
REVENGE CYCLE
CYCLE FORGIVENESS CYCLE
FORGIVENESS CYCLE
The Amplification Path The Reparation Path

Violence
Cruelty
Mistake
Failure Hurt
Harm 4.4.Renewing
Repairing,orrenewing or
Releasing
Loss releasing the relationship
the Relationship

Revenge
Retaliation Destruction Pain Construction
Payback 3. Granting Forgiveness
3. Granting Forgiveness
(Recognising Shared Humanity)

Choosing Choosing
Harm
to Harm toHeal
Heal
2. Naming the Hurt
Rejected 1. Telling
Shared the Story
Humanity

ADVERSARIAL NON-ADVERSARIAL

AUTHORITY AUTHORITY
• competitive/combative A – Harmer • cooperative/collaborative
• independent B – Harmed • interdependent
• not trust based • trust based
• debate • dialogue
• to do (look to harm) A B A B • do with (look to heal)
• work apart • work together
• do not accept • accept obligation/
obligation/no apology apologise
• power over another • power with another
steers action steers action
• fear rules • kindness rules
• no ownership of • ownership of outcome
outcome • giving
• taking • long-term behavioural
• momentary change
behavioural change • pay forward
• payback • mental health
• mental health construction
destruction • win/win
• win/lose • compassionate (heal)
• malice centred • contentment
(action) • #WeFirst
• resentment
• #MeFirst

The authority decides and The parties establish

institutes consequence The parties The authority oversees the consequence, both
punishment. are passive. the reparation process. “give” to construct.

RBE.indd 1 14/7/20 4:35 pm