- I'm ready for a sleepover. - Okay.

Today we are playing a rousing game of Boink, Marry, Kill.

- I am boinking Robin, marrying Alfred
- and killing Batman. - I'm with Ned.
- How you gonna kill Batman?
- I don't know how yet but I'll figure it out.
- Kill him and take his place, now I'm the Batman.
- Welcome to another episode of
- The Try Guys Gay Time.
♪The Try Guys Keith Zach Steve Steve ♪
♪ Try Guys Eating pizza they'll try it ♪
♪ The Try Guys eating chicken they'll try it ♪
♪ Try Guys they're America's dads ♪
- Is it boink or doink? - It's boink.
- I thought it was doink. - When did we ever say doink?
- I thought we-- I saw on the call sheet, it was doink.
- No, you boink. You boink people.
- Zoinks. - That's also a good option.
- I don't know why we're keeping kill but getting rid of.
That seems very, you know, Hollywood.
- American ratings system, you're right.
- Before we get into the game I think the audience
might be wondering what we're wearing right now.
- We are excited to announce that we are finally releasing
the Try Guys color hoodies.
We have official Try Guys colors.
Keith blue, Ned pink, Zach green or Eugene purple.
That's right, you and your three friends
can dress just like me, isn't that a dream come true?
Head on over to tryguys.com and pick your favorite size
- of the blue color hoodie. - No, no, no.
- Okay, so today we are playing Boink, Marry, Kill.
In this beautiful blue goblet
that looks great with my blue hoodie,
I have no idea what's in this bowl, you can
play along at home and think about who you want to boink.
First round of Boink, Marry, Kill.
This is good, holiday edition for the first question.
Boink, marry, kill.
Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas.
Have a holly jolly Halloween.
Oh, no, my blue, it doesn't work.
- Wow, the blue doesn't work? Maybe you should go get
the green hoodie instead. - No, no.
- Put a D for doink because Zach f---ed it up.
- Yeah, that's what I did too, it's doink.
- No, it's boink. God damn it, Zach.
- Everybody ready? Eugene, start us off.
- I would boink Christmas, I would
marry Halloween and I'd kill Thanksgiving.
- Why would you boink Christmas?
- I'd boink Christmas because it's sacrilegious.
- Oh wow.
- I've decided to doink Thanksgiving
because of the stuffing, that's a sexy word.
I am marrying Halloween because that,
Halloween is the greatest holiday.
I will hear no argument to the contrary.
And I'm gonna kill Christmas, I think in general
it's just way too shoved down everyone's throats and...
- And you're Jewish. - Yeah, also I'm Jewish.
- I would boink Halloween because it's a slutty holiday,
I would marry Christmas cause it makes me feel things,
and I would kill Thanksgiving cause you get
all the same food at Christmas but there's no presents.
- I would boink Thanksgiving because
people always come over to my house
and I pleasure them with my food,
and I love watching the look on their faces
as they gobble down my dishes.
Then I would marry Christmas because I love Christmas,
it's when I see my family, and I would kill Halloween
because Halloween is just candy and disguises.
You can't trust anyone, it's all sugar based,
I can't support that, I kill it.
- Halloween is about expression,
it's about wearing masks, it's about your true self
being expressed in your outward self.
- Yeah, exactly, that's why you need to f--k it.
- All right, next round.
So will you boink, marry or kill.
Your bae but they're covered in scales,
your bae but with feet for hands,
or your bae but they forget who you are every four weeks?
- Oh, my God. - I love this one.
- I'm gonna be disappointed if all of you
didn't answer the same way I did.
- I am the least sure on this.
So I guess I'm doinking old feet hands.
- No, no, don't doink the foot man.
- Well, because that's like the kinkiest, right?
So I'm guessing that old feet hands
is gonna be like freaky in some weird way, who knows.
And then I guess I'm gonna marry 50 First Dates.
I don't want lizard girl in my life.
- I chose to boink forgetful every four weeks,
marry old lizard girl and kill feet for hands.
I could see myself growing old with lizard Ariel.
- Old Lizzie scales.
- You're basically thinking that you're gonna,
like, recapture that with this 50 First Dates idea,
but the way it's actually gonna do
is like she's gonna wake up next to you in bed
and not know you and be like, "Oh, God, oh, God."
- Did you see the movie? She wakes up on a sailboat,
he plays the video and they play
"Wouldn't It Be Nice" by the Beach Boys,
- It's romantic. - No.
- I wanna boink the memory girl
because I agree you can count on that
it'll be like Groundhogs Day but for promiscuity.
The first time we have sex it won't be good
but four weeks in you're gonna be really good at it.
And then you reset and then like,
"Well, I gotta get through this awkward phase."
But you're already gonna know what they like
so you're just gonna look like a f---ing champion.
- It's gonna be like the first time all over again.
- I would marry old scaly, I'm gonna
kill old feet for hands because I can't--
Are they gonna wear shoes in the winter on their hands?
- I have the right answer and I agreed with Zach.
- Wow!
- I'd boink feet for hands because
I get bored of the human body, feet are chill and, you know,
when you're having sex then you'll just be like,
"What is up and what is down? Hell, yeah."
- Everything's the sixty nine.
- I'd marry the memory because basically--
- Are we really supposed to, like, imagine
the full-on boinking or is it like order of preference?
- Let him get through his list.
- Yeah, let me get through my boinking list, jeez.
I would marry the memory person because basically
it's great for essentially being a polygamist.
You are constantly in dating mode.
So I think that sounds really nice.
And then I'd probably kill scales.
I'd be friends with someone who had scales.
But I don't think I would necessarily marry her
or boink them, I mean, depending on how hot they were.
- Team marriage over here. - Marrying scales.
- We love our wives no matter what.
- Murder that snake person. - Team not married yet.
- Oh, guys, you're gonna like this one.
- The Hulk, Thor or Iron Man. - So easy.
- Oh, but I do love Mark Ruffalo.
- I know, right, it's what we're all dealing with right now.
- I'd boink Thor, I'd marry Iron Man
- and I would kill the Hulk. - Yup.
- Thor, not just the hottest Marvel,
hottest Chris, and that is tough to be.
- Funny, charismatic, charming and so hot.
- Iron Man, you get to live in Stark Tower,
he's got all the gadgets, the goods, the gizmos.
- Also you get to hang out with Robert Downey, Jr.
- The only pause I had is that I have seen that
there's been some strain on his relationship with Pepper.
It's tough to be married to Iron Man.
It takes a big person to be able to carry that burden.
- I would boink and marry Mark Ruffalo
- because the Hulk is like. - Ruffalo.
He would just f---ing obliterate you.
There'd be nothing left.
- What if he hulked out while he was inside of you?
- No. - Oh, God.
- Boink, marry, kill,
reading a good book on a surprise day off,
making eye contact with the person you're into,
wearing underwear fresh out of the dryer.
Okay so book on a day off, eye contact
with a person you're into or underwear out of the dryer.
So I would boink the undies because obviously,
it's already got a pocket to be boinked
and it's gonna be so warm and it's gonna be dope.
I would marry the eye contact because
that moment makes your heart flutter.
I'd kill the book because I don't care for most books
except for our book the Hidden Power of F*cking Up
which you can get at tryguys.com/book.
Great book to read but I'm gonna kill it.
I'm gonna kill books because
I don't read a lot of books.
I read, like, one book a year.
- It gives me real confidence for you as an author.
- Yeah, I'm probably the weakest of the four.
- All right, I would boink the eye contact.
Eyes meet and you're like, "Yeah, we're doing this."
I like the book because it said day off
and I would love to have just a, like, day off.
I'd kill the hot underwear because I don't need underwear.
- I hate the feeling of not having underwear.
Your stuff against a cold zipper.
And then, like, when you zip up
you're like, "What could happen?"
- That's terrifying. - Do it in sweatpants.
- Oh, well, that's, I mean, that wasn't one of them.
I would f--k that.
- Boink. - Boink.
- It's long enough in the video.
(laughing)
- I think books are sexy, I'm doinking the book.
The feeling of fresh laundry all warm and cozy on your body
is probably my single greatest pleasure
- in life. - Sorry, Maggie.
- Well, I agree with all three of you guys in my own way.
I would definitely boink some sexy eye contact.
When you connect like that it is so good.
And I would marry clean underwear.
Look, I love reading, I love books, I would just rather
spend my only day off doing something else.
- All right book burners, we get it.
- No, no, no. - I'd burn a book.
This one's pretty intense, your past self, your future self
or your self from an alternate universe.
- But if I kill my past self
will all other selves not exist?
- Boink alt universe Keith cause
I gotta know what freaky stuff he's doing
but I can't trust him past that, I would
marry future Keith because I wanna
spend the rest of my life with myself.
And then I'd kill past Keith cause honestly he's
- probably pretty annoying. - Yeah, I agree.
I think all of us are probably gonna kill our past selves
because it's the one we actually know what they were like.
And they probably weren't 100 percent all the time.
I actually would boink my future self,
because then I could be both student and teacher.
- Hot. Hot. That's hot. - That's real hot.
- I'd be my own daddy. - The answer's obvious.
You wanna boink your future self
because you can learn from the wisdom of your future.
I wanna marry the Spiderverse Zach.
- What if it's just Zach with feet for hands?
- Yeah, then I definitely wanna get married then.
- I agree, gotta kill the past, let it burn.
I want to marry my future self
because we don't know how far in the future that will be.
Maybe I'll be on my deathbed and then
I can just take the inheritance.
- That's the idea. - Didn't think about that?
- I would f--k my alternate universe self
because who knows what'll happen.
I mean maybe in an alternate universe,
Ned just like knows a lot of stuff about chemicals
and I'd just have me a very explosive relationship.
- That's your current universe self.
- So you wanna boink the version of yourself that
- didn't follow his dreams. - Yeah.
- Would you boink, marry, kill.
Dumbledore, Voldemort or Mr. Weasley?
Dumbledore, Voldemort, Weasley.
- All right, I'm gonna f--k Dumbledore
cause he is full of surprises,
marry Mr. Weasley cause he's a family man
and kill Voldemort cause I know it's a game
but I don't f--k with death eaters.
One of us is going to save Hogwarts
and it's me, not Hermione.
Me.
- Such a Gryffindor. - That was good.
All right, you know I'm gonna be boinking Voldemort.
You know why, that boy sometimes puts himself
on the back of strangers heads.
I don't know what I'm gonna get, I'm into it though.
Whether it's poor Professor Quirrel or not,
I'm into it, I'm gonna marry Mr. Weasley
because he's dedicated his life
to understanding normal humans.
He's gotta know how to please me and take care of me.
And then I gotta kill Dumbledore.
- I would kill Mr. Weasley cause he's so boring.
He's muggle level boring for a wizard.
- He love muggles.
- He's literally muggle level boring.
I would boink Voldemort because, you know,
I just feel like he'd be real freaky.
You know when he was Tom Riddle he was a looker.
Remember when he was very much alive.
And then Dumbledore I'd marry
because, you know, who wouldn't f---ing marry Dumbledore?
Especially when he was Jude Law.
- Oh, yeah. - Good point.
- I didn't think about young Dumbles.
- That's why you gotta f--k him.
- Young Dumbles. - Young Dumbledore.
- Young Dumbles. - He's a looker.
You guys are out of your f---ing mind.
Mr. Weasley has, like, eight billion kids.
All that dude does is doink, that dude knows what to do.
And then Dumbledore, he's always playing freaking tricks.
He's like "five points for you, negative 10 points for you."
He knew the answer the whole time
and he let those kids get themselves into trouble.
He is reckless, he's a monster.
- So who are you marrying? - I'm marrying Voldemort.
Process of elimination.
- Lightening round very little explanation's.
Boink, marry, kill, Instagram, Twitter or Snapchat.
- I boink Instagram, marry Twitter, kill Snapchat.
- I'm doinking Twitter because I like it
but I do think it's bad for me.
Marry Instagram and I'm not on Snapchat.
- Boink Snapchat, marry Instagram
and kill Twitter, Twitter just makes me anxious.
- It makes me sad. - Yeah, it makes me sad.
- But that's so exciting, it's interesting.
I feel like your marriage would never be boring.
- That's true, your marriage would be interesting.
You're always involved in really great conversations.
- I love that. - I'm boinking Insta
because that's where all the hotties are at,
I'm gonna marry Twitter cause
it's standing the test of time.
And I'm killing Snapchat cause I'm not 11.
- Next. - Colonel Sanders,
the Burger King or Ronald McDonald.
- Kill Burger King cause it looks creepy,
marry Ronald McDonald cause McDonald's is forever
and gotta f--k the Colonel, man.