THE POISON PEN

THE POISON PEN

An original novel by Micol Ostow

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Secrets are like cockroaches: When you spot one,
you know there are hundreds more just below the
surface. And the town of Riverdale is infested. I
would know.
I’ve learned a lot just by observing the people
here. For example, when Archie and Betty were pre-
tending to hook up as part of their ruse to smoke
out Jughead’s would-be murderers? It was pretty
clear to me that their little “spring fling” wasn’t
a total sham. The way they’d sneak glances at each
other when they thought no one was watching . . . all
you had to do was catch the expressions on their
faces, and you could read their true feelings like
the menu at Pop’s.
I don’t mean to brag, but I figured out Veronica
had something going on with Reggie while her
erstwhile boyfriend was busy rotting away in juvie
for murder. And Kevin Keller was so obvious about
his fling with Moose Mason, back when it was still
supposed to be hush-hush, that he might as well
have just taken out a full-page ad in the Register
to announce that they were sneaking around on
the sly.
Some people might call me nosy. (And I guess
there’s a little truth to that, even if I don’t really
think of it that way myself.) The simple fact is, in

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 a town like Riverdale? You have to try hard to avoid
stumbling over other people’s private business.
None of us went looking for news about Hiram and
Hermione Lodge’s collapsing marriage, none of us
really wanted updates on Betty Cooper’s creepy
Silence of the Lambs relationship with her father,
and we didn’t ask Cheryl Blossom to give us all a
minute-by-minute update of her romance with Toni
Topaz. But we got all of it, anyway, just the same.
How can a person be considered nosy when the
secrets in this town practically go looking for
us, rather than the other way around? Honestly,
minding your own business is a full-time job in
Riverdale. And I’ve got too much to do as it is.
Recently, I learned something particularly
juicy—something I was definitely not supposed to
know. I spotted one of those pesky little cock-
roaches, and before I could even think twice, I was
flipping over the proverbial rock and finding
dozens more. To tell you the truth, it made me sick.
And then it made me mad.
Maybe Riverdale has never been the perfect
little greeting-card town people like to pretend
it is, but I’m sick of wading knee-deep in meta-
phorical cockroaches.
So I guess you could say I’ve appointed myself

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our little hamlet’s own personal exterminator. Too
many beautiful people are keeping too many ugly
things hidden, and I’m done being a silent witness
to it all. So grab your sunglasses, kids, because
I’m shining a great big light into this town’s dark
corners, and what comes out might shock you . . .

—Poison Pen

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 PART ONE
VERONICA LODGE
SATURDAY
 Senator and Mrs.
Patrick Pendergast
request the pleasure of your company at
a cocktail reception to celebrate
the engagement of their daughter

Pernillato Phoebe
Deputy Hayes Huxley
On Saturday the eighth of August
at eight o’clock in the evening

Five Seasons Hotel Ballroom

57230 Evelyn Street
Riverdale

The favor of a reply

is requested.
RSVP to: Veronica Lodge and Cheryl Blossom
 CHAPTER ONE

Summers in Riverdale can be positively beastly— sticky as

maple syrup, and not nearly as sweet. Lucky for me, the Five
Seasons Hotel has particularly robust central air, and the suite
that housed the Maple Club was as crisp as an October after-
noon. I was also fortunate that the Maple Girls were willing to
put in diligent labor right up to the last minute to prepare for
that evening’s event. The room bustled with activity as we all
bundled party favors, hand-lettered place cards, and decorated
personalized f lasks of rum.
“I have to hand it to you, Veronica,” Cheryl Blossom
said  graciously, tossing her red hair over her shoulder as she
admired the embossed cream-and-silver card stock of the invi-
tations I’d designed. “With only three weeks to plan it, you’ve
managed to put together an event that looks like you had . . .
well, let’s say at least four weeks.”
“Thank you so much.” My tone was dry—but the fact is,
this backhanded praise was about as undiluted as compliments
got when they came from Cheryl Blossom. “Flattery will get
you nowhere.”

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 “Don’t listen to her.” This was Toni Topaz, Cheryl’s girl-
friend. Her pink hair held back by a patterned headband,
she was carefully filling out a sheet of blank labels with a
calligraphy pen. “In three weeks, you wrangled together ice
sculptures, celebrity guests, a chef f lown in from actual
France to prepare the hors d’oeuvres, got a mixologist from
the 21 Club to design an original cocktail named after the
bride-to-be . . . and you’re using it as an opportunity to
promote Red Raven Rum? Not many people could pull
this off.”
“Thank you,” I repeated, a bit more sincerely. This was
the kind of appreciation I deserved for all the headaches I’d
suffered over the past month. And I’d suffered plenty.
“Even if the marriage is totally doomed, and we all know it
is, and I feel like some kind of vulture filling out these labels
right now,” she added under her breath.
And there it was. I let out a defeated sigh and sank deeper
into my seat, banging the keys of my laptop a little more
aggressively, scrolling once more through a slideshow presen-
tation that would be one of the evening’s pivotal moments.
Wishing I could disappear into my computer for good.
“Listen, ladies, we’ve been over this”—and over this, and over
this—“so let’s just drop it, okay?”
Cheryl reached out and gave her girlfriend’s hand an affec-
tionate squeeze. “All TeeTee means, Veronica, is that because
this young couple is heading for the kind of dramatic crash and

8
burn you see in Michael Bay disaster movies, capitalizing on
their engagement feels a little bit . . . crass. That’s all.”
“Thank you for interpreting, Cheryl, but I picked up on
that.” Letting out a louder and more exasperated sigh, I gave
up on the slideshow and massaged my temples. “Look. When
Pernilla approached me about hosting her engagement party, I
didn’t ask questions before saying yes. The Pendergasts are a
political dynasty, and I knew the guest list—this guest list,” I
noted emphatically, scooping up the roster of names from a
pile beside me, “would be a who’s who of inf luencers and
tastemakers around the world. I didn’t know the details until
I’d already made a commitment. And by that time, I couldn’t
exactly back out without an explanation, could I?”
I fixed the both of them with a meaningful glare. They
understood me. We all knew the Pendergast-Huxley marriage
was doomed, and why, even if we could never say so aloud. It
was knowledge we weren’t supposed to have, for one thing,
and those of us involved had even gone so far as to swear an oath
never to speak of it again. For many reasons, I had no intention
of violating our pact—but especially not with sensitive ears pre-
sent. Glancing up, I caught Penelope Blossom watching me
from a corner of the room, as if she could read my thoughts, and
I shivered. We had wanted her where we could keep her in our
sights, but her constant presence in the club was unnerving.
I could still call the event off, of course, with no explanation
at all—but it would bring ruination down on our names, and

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 we’d worked too hard for that. I had volunteered to provide a
hundred and fifty personalized f lasks of Red Raven Rum,
labeled and numbered by hand, as favors for all the guests of
our grand soiree. No matter what disasters befell the couple of
the evening, Cheryl and I would emerge from the debacle a
great success as both event planners and mavens of the social
scene. I would accept no other outcome.
Senator Pendergast, of course, had his own outcomes in mind.
Hayes Huxley was a local—the same age as Polly Cooper—and
he was a deputy with the Rockland County Sheriff’s Office to
boot. The senator’s daughter saying yes to a small-town cop
only a few months before the upcoming gubernatorial elections
was the kind of publicity and outreach money couldn’t buy.
And Patrick Pendergast had scads of money.
“Well. At least when their marriage collapses, it won’t be our
fault,” Cheryl said cheerfully, reaching for a box of crystal cham-
pagne flutes etched with the engaged couple’s initials. Each was
to have a length of silver ribbon wound around its delicate stem.
No one, and I mean no one, would ever say that I throw an
understated party.
There came a knock at the door of the suite, and I dis-
patched Laura— one of the Maple Girls—to answer it, turning
back to the presentation I was reviewing on my laptop. After
the speeches, but before the dancing started, I was going to
introduce a slideshow celebrating the relationship of the soon-
to-be-wed couple. I’d worked with the family to select the

10
perfect photographs, I’d worked with a professional editor to
make sure the transitions were seamless and artful, and I’d
even managed to convince Josie McCoy to record a song
for  the accompaniment. It was going to be f lawless, I was
certain . . . but it didn’t hurt to double-check. Or triple-check,
as the case may be.
When Laura returned to the room, she held a plain white
envelope in her hand. “It was just a guy bringing up the mail.
I guess someone left this for you at the front desk, Veronica.”
It’s funny how your life can change irrevocably, but the
moment it happens is so mundane you never see it coming.
Everyone fears the big catastrophes—your boyfriend’s father
dying in a tragic accident, for example, or your own father
developing an unpredictable illness. When you’ve lived
through all that, who’s afraid of an envelope?
In retrospect, I’m embarrassed to admit that I wasn’t.
It was a perfect square, my name printed across the front in
meticulous block lettering. There was no return address on the
missive— although I guess there wouldn’t be, if someone had
left it at the front desk— and the f lap was sealed with a coin
of scarlet wax. It was a charming touch, old-fashioned and
debonair, and I smiled. The insignia pressed into the shiny red
disc was a curlicue PP.
Assuming it was from one of the Pendergasts— some final
instructions, or maybe (what a laugh) even a thank-you for all
our hard work—I opened it without hesitation.

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 Dear Ronniekins,

I know you’ve got your hands full, making all the

arrangements for Pernilla Pendergast’s fabulous
engagement party, so I’ll be brief. (Wait! Being
Veronica Lodge, no doubt you prefer a word that’s
far more pretentious and grandiose than party to
describe a gaggle of wealthy drunkards coming
together to congratulate one another on their
acquaintanceship. Let me guess . . . fete? Soiree?
Stop me if I get it!)
You love to play the part of the poor little rich
girl, don’t you? All that false humility, all that
disclaiming of your father . . . except when his
wrongdoings work in your favor. Veronica Lodge:
Mafia Princess with a Heart of Gold.
What a crock.
How many of Daddy’s crimes have you been complicit
in, or silent about? How many people has he hurt, how
many lives has he destroyed, while you looked the
other way through your Cartier sunglasses?
How many crimes have you committed yourself? I
know of at least one. On the night of July Fourth,
while most of Riverdale was passing around snacks
and sodas at the fireworks display in Pickens Park,
you filed a false police report and defrauded your

12
insurance company. Daddykins would be so proud.
You’re a real chip off the old cell block.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: Those trans-
gressions are small potatoes compared to what else
goes on in this town. Your name alone has gotten
you out of worse trouble than what you’d face if
somebody tattled on you to the sheriff. But here’s
what you should keep in mind: I know everything
that happened that night. What you did. Why you did
it. Who else was involved.
And, Ronnie? I have proof.
So start thinking about what it’s worth to you
to keep this little secret hushed up, because
soon, there’s a favor I’m going to need from you.
Meanwhile, be a lamb and keep this note a secret?
Don’t tell anyone—not Daddy and not a single
one of your friends—or I’ll know, and there will
be consequences. I’m watching you . . .

—Poison Pen

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