The numbers coordinate with the parenthetical citations I made throughout my essay

1. ​My heart sank as I was only ten minutes away from my destination. All I wanted to do

was get out of America, the division there had consumed me. I kept repeating to myself,

“France is going to be better.” Once the plane had started descending, my palms started

sweating as the pit in my stomach grew, and I realized I was in for a ride.

This was my introduction for my narrative essay, which lacked a clear thesis statement

and the introduction was kind of confusing. The lack of a thesis statement affected the

overall structure of the essay.

2. I couldn’t believe this place was real; I couldn’t believe I visited this beach. ​Horseshoe

Bay is one of the most famous beaches in the world. It is what people all over the world

travel to see. One of my favorite places to visit is Horseshoe Bay, which created an

enjoyable and relaxing environment for me when I visited it. This beach’s clear blue

ocean, beautiful pink sand, and hot blaring sun made this beach a relaxing experience.

This introduction was from my descriptive essay, and this had a thesis statement, but it

did not contain a good hook. The lack of a hook affected my writing because it did not

grab the reader’s attention. It made my introduction kind of bland and boring.

3. Currently, people owe over 1.56 trillion dollars of student loan debt, which equates to

$34,899 per person for the 44.7 million borrowers (PR Newswire 1). It is projected that

the current amount of student loan debt will only increase from here. For the class of

2018, 69% of college students took out loans that equated to about $29,800 (PR

Newswire 6). Student loan debt has become a genuine crisis in America, with people
 having more student loan debt than credit card debt. The bankruptcy bill exacerbated the

student debt problem by making it harder for people with debt to declare bankruptcy.

Lawmakers have ignored the issue for many years, and government officials have done

nothing to make post-secondary education more affordable. Past research on student

loans has pointed to America’s broken education system, where pursuing higher

education could leave someone in 30,000 dollars in debt. Although America has a broken

education system, student loan debt will continue to be a problem. It is beneficial to learn

the economic and social effects of accumulating student loan debt and ways to decrease

it.

This was the introduction from my research paper. The hook grabbed the reader’s

attention, and it helped establish the topic of my paper. The thesis statement was also

clear, and it helped establish the overall structure in my writing.

4. Once I got into the car, my sleep disappeared. My eyes were ​glued ​to the window as I

saw older architecture, heard chatter from the cafes, and smelled croissants. Everything

felt so new to me I had thought France was some ultra-modern place when, in fact, it was

the opposite. The next day, we walked for ten minutes to a cafe. ​When I was ordering I

was surprised to see the numbers​. I thought to myself eight euros for a sandwich. I was

so used to ​barley​ spending ten dollars on a meal ​that​ I was shocked when the bill was

twenty-five euros. ​I knew no one, and I knew nothing about France. The four years of

French I took were unmatched for what was spoken in France. They would speak at a

rapid pace, and all I would get from it was one word. France is an amazing country, but

it’s not a place that I would ever call home.

 This is a paragraph from my rough draft and the highlighted parts were the errors. I was

not using details to show my reader how I felt about the experience. This provided a

difficulty for me when I went to revise the essay because I had a lot of places, where I

had to go back and add detail.

5. The first thing anyone can expect when going to the beach is the ocean. The ocean can be

seen in any direction of the beach​. The beautiful range of blue the ocean brings amongst

an orangish sky, and the fresh smell with a hint of salt the ocean brings provides a

peaceful environment.​ The water comforts me whenever I go in. Whenever the breeze

provides cold air, I go into the water that provides warm comfort. Swimming in the warm

water, the waves crash over me. ​The waves engulf me and spit me out to the other side.

As the waves slowly crash on the sand, it provides a tranquil environment that rescues me

from the stress of my own life.

This paragraph is from my descriptive essay and the highlighted parts show, where I had

to go back and elaborate on. The details I used did not appeal to senses, and some of the

details did not make sense.

6. College debt is increasing among millennials​,​ however, it is affecting baby boomers just

as much. 50% of baby boomers report that student loan debt is affecting their ability to

reach life goals​ ​like retirement (PR Newswire 23). If student loan debt is affecting baby

boomers​ ​the effect it will have on millennials is incomparable. It is important to note that

baby boomers have less debt than millennials because of the increasing cost of tuition in

America.
 This is from my research rough draft and the highlighted parts show the errors. The errors

that I had in this part of my essay were all minor grammatical errors. The rest of the essay

had all the components, and it had a good flow compared to the other rough drafts.

7. The orange, blaring sun provided the warmth, and the beautiful blue skies made it look as

if I was in a painting. When the sun would disappear on the horizon, the sky would turn

into this orangish, pinkish sky. It would be the most magnificent thing I saw.

This is from my descriptive essay. The word choice was kind of repetitive in this part of

my essay. The word choice I used talked about how pretty the sky was, which I could do

in one sentence instead of two.

8. Even though government officials have neglected the problem of student loan debt, the

effects have not gone away. People with student loan debt have faced financial and social

consequences because of the inadequate resources available to cancel student loan debt.

The critical question is what is the solution to solve student loan debt?

This is part of my research essay, where I used more advanced word choice to describe

my topic. The word choice in this is not repetitive and each sentence gives the reader new

information about the topic.