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Making Your Sunday

Katerina Dalavurak

School Teacher Queasy

femsex, msex, and the brown experience
upfront music theatre tv food
Clubbing in Paris New Artists Dramatic Traveling Skins Burrito Wars
2 upfront
‘Morning, sunshines!

We’ve got a snarky reputation to uphold, so if we tell you something,

03 upfront
you’ll have to keep it pretty hush hush. Can you? The truth is, you see, Debaucherie à Paris \\ amelia stanton
in the early days of this still-young semester (the very air so rife with POST- IT NOTES \\ post- staff
Editor-in-Chief promise!), we’re feeling pretty chipper.
Kate Doyle
04 feature
Managing Editor of Hey, we’re a little surprised ourselves. After all, we’ve slipped spec-
Features tacularly on sidewalks this week. We’ve puddle-jumped, bundled up, MAKE YOUR SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER QUEASY \\ ana
Amelia Stanton and packed our schedules to the bursting under some sinister gray alvarez
skies. But none of it seems to detract from the fact that it’s just so very
Managing Editor of
Arts and Culture good to be back. Slush, shopping period, and all. Jaded comments? 05 arts & culture
Sam Knowles Not here. Hey, listen up now—we’re shedding our cynicism. We’re LOOPY FOR LUPE \\ post- music staff
Managing Editor of eschewing the sharp-tongued remarks! This fine Thursday morning, EYE OF THE TIGER MOTHER \\ jennie young carr
Lifestyle could it be that great new class, Friday with friends, and the odd spon-
Matthew Klebanoff taneous snowball fight that make our sopping snow boots and full
Features Editors
Mocha shopping carts so very worth it? 06 arts & culture
Ana Alvarez
Fred Milgrim Could be, we think. It just might be. So happy back-to-Brown. Hap-
py almost-end of shopping period, happy no-more-sleet, and hap- BRITS DO IT BETTER \\ sam knowles
Music Editor
Eric Sun py Thursday. For shouldering through the first week, bravo all of us.
Theatre Editor
Here’s to a fresh semester! We’re glad we’re back, and we’re glad you
are too—
07 food & booze
Emma Johnson ONE FOODIE’S NEED TO KNEAD\\ jane breadslinger
Film Editor Rosily, in a warm glow of contentment, MEXICAN FOOD WARS \\ matt klebanoff
Priyanka Chatterjee

Literary Editor
(look, no snark!) 08 sex
Jennie Young Carr BONEROMA \\ mm
Lifestyle Editor YOUR NEXT STOP, THE FRIEND ZONE\\ lovecraft & dorian
Sakina Esufally EMILY POST-\\ emily post-
Layout Editor
Clara Beyer

Graphics Editor
Katerina Dalavurak TOP TEN
Copy Chiefs
Julia Kantor
Kathy Nguyen Things to do in Providence Slush
1 6
Jane Brendlinger Hotbox an igloo on the Main Green Hose down Brown walkways. Watch people fall.
Rémy Robert
Oh wait, Facilities already did that...
Lovecraft & Dorian

2 7
Emily Post-

Copy Editors I f*cking love cocaine! Snow Owl (Berge) Watchin’

Kate Brennan
Jacob Combs

3 8
Christina McCausland
Justine Palefsky
Kristina Petersen Throw snowballs at Olives. Shed a tear for FishCo. Cross-country ski to class.
Charles Pletcher
Emma Ramadan

Ash Sofman

Staff Writers
Clayton Aldern
Gopika Krishna 4 Build a snow slide out of second story window.
Throw ripper.
Slush Angels.

Leave it to melt in between your bra and your

Staff Illustrators
shirt so that the boyfriend who you’re actually Write your name in pee next to the bear
Katerina Dalavurak not into is led to believe that he makes your statue.
Anish Gonchigar
Phil Lai nipples wet.
Kelly Winter

Web Editors

Peter Drinan
Michael Enriquez

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Debaucherie à Paris Post- It

following the white rabbit Notes
what we’re doing
amelia STANTON
managing editor
this week
Paying the check, we are the only diners left bowing its head for a
in Chez Pierrot, an unassuming bistro just out-
side the Latin Quarter. We were the only diners
moment of silence in
when we arrived at the restaurant, shortly after 11 memory of the White
pm. A little on the late side—we had been primp-
ing. But this is Paris, I say, where is everyone?
Stripes who went Icky
Sadly, the scene that we had come to love dur- Thump this week. Even
ing our Parisian winter break excursion--the 24
euro per bottle, appetizers always, and manda-
a Seven Nation Army
tory tarte tatin--is not really the milieu of our age won’t bring them back.
group, which seems to prefer drinks, clubs, and
cigarettes over traditional bistro fare and tasty
assortments of Ladurée macaroons. We scrimp
FILM & TV is
to eat well and often; they scrimp to go and do looking forward to
something else, something tortured and poten-
tially pretentious. But where? We decided that the Super Bowl. Be-
we were finally ready to find out. cause Glee is on after,
After some subtle inquiries and a quick Google
search, we tracked down the mother of all Pari-
mashing up Michael
sian clubs, the magnet to which eager, perhaps Jackson’s “Thriller”
desperate, aspiring socialites cling: Showcase.
The kingdom of chest-pounding techno. Reign-
with Yeah Yeah Yeah’s
Marissa Ilardi
ing queen: the adolescent suburbanite. Reign- “Heads will Roll.”
ing king: the disgruntled business student and/ clearly fucked up had a flask jammed in his pants. Filling
or the wayward traveler. Located romantically
under the Alexander III Bridge, a stone’s throw
our empty plastic shot glasses with Karkov’s poor cousin,
we contemplate our lack of a chaser. But we are problem- THEATRE is
away from the iconic Eiffel Tower. solvers. We take advantage of some unmanned champagne is going Gogol ga-ga
Before walking over the bridge and lining up flutes and head toward the bathroom. Long pipes gushing
to be severely judged by fashion-savvy Parisian water hang from the ceiling over stone slabs. This water is
about Geoffrey Rush
bouncers, we stop briefly to gaze at the Seine. A the answer. Hovering by the end of a pipe, we fill the flutes flipping crazy shit in
moment of awe and silence. Three college girls to the brim. Guy with glasses smirks as we gulp for more.
who’ve managed to secure a free apartment and Vodka followed by champagne water, five times over. Dedi-
BAM’s upcoming
many, many weeks of break. Yes, not long ago cation. production of “Diary of
we were eating at the Ratty and begging for mer- We take a lap. One of us stops to speak to Hot Loner,
cy. Now, here we are, in a slightly tipsy state of Raphael. Dull and almost mute in both French and Eng-
a Madman.”
peace. Brief, but precious. lish, Hot Loner slowly reveals that he works in a women’s
Then we turn and spot a gang of rambunc-
tious Parisian boys. Guy in Military Jacket who
clothing store. Gay? No, just stylish. Raphael does not have
much to say. He assures us that he does have friends—they
is clearly fucked up, Guy Who Is Cuter with Hat are just elsewhere. braving the number
On Than Hat Off, Guy with Glasses, and Really The dance floor poses other challenges. Rabbit ears jungle with the help of
Nice Short Guy offer us some generous swigs of bob up and down, the music slams me in the solar plexus.
an apple juice-vodka combo in a two-liter plastic Bounced off bodies that do not dance like we do, we watch
You Can Count on
water bottle. We accept, willingly. Arm-in-arm, drops of raspberry light sink into hair, shoulders, hands. Monsters, a picture
we saunter over le Pont Alexandre III, and they Losing sight of the others, I land in the arms of Finance
eagerly explain that we can have the honor of be- Guy. He asks what I do, and I say that I go to Brown. “That
book by Brown prof
ing their “plus ones.” Slyly avoiding the 15-euro is an Ivy League school,” he responds knowingly. “Yes, yes Richard Schartz that
cover charge, we accept, willingly. it is,” I say.
We enter the kingdom. Like lemmings me- “I want to get to know your person,” he smiles. A drink?
may just cure our child-
andering toward the cliff’s edge, we queue up to I accept, willingly. He seems disappointed when I order a hood fear of factoring.
pay 10 euro to check coats and bags. We will not bottle of water. As he sips a gin and tonic, I enjoy every
be constrained by articles and things. Staring
at what lies before us, we catch a glimpse of the
last gulp of Evian. Finance Guy lives in the burbs, but he
explains that he played basketball for a year in Miami. He
white rabbit; he is tonight’s theme. Follow the thinks palm trees are really, really tall. contemplating Crock-
white rabbit. Veering toward a black leather couch, I stop at the win- pots. Here’s to coming
This evening, the rabbit will hop around dur- dow while Finance Guy checks the stocks. Just ten feet
ing sets played by a DJ considered by some to beyond these walls, a man struggles to sleep. Sandwiched home to a Grad Center
be France’s best. Listeners are already sporting between the Seine and the club, his eyes land on my water suite that actually smells
rabbit ears in celebration of the mad chaos that bottle. Finance guy pulls me away and offers me his rabbit
naturally complements the bunny theme. We lat- ears. “I want to wake up next to you,” he says. I take the good for once.
er learn that the theme derives from The Matrix, ears and head for the door.
which adopted it from good old Alice in Wonder- Five hours after we arrived, the crowd does not seem to BOOZE is
land. Still, we do not quite understand the con-
thin. Back up on the bridge, dawn is breaking, and we want
French fries. Hailing a cab, fries in hand, we hover and skip
getting plastered on
It becomes evident that this is not something those ahead of us. The first driver does not want fries in his Whiskey and shackng
we will experience sober.
The heavily tattooed bartender pours us each
Mercedes. We refuse to give up the fries. When the second
taxi stops, we hide the fries and pile in. He sees the fries
up with Jack. Smooth
one third of a shot and demands fifteen euro. We and scolds us. and hot, perfection
scoff, pay, and seek out other options. One of us It’s 5:30 a.m. and we are catching an 8:00 a.m. bus to guaranteed.
remembers that Guy in Military Jacket who was Brussels. There, we hope to have curbside fries in a cone.
4 feature

Make Your Sunday School Teacher Queasy

femsex, msex, and the brown experience
features editor

As universities go, Brown seems are friends, they have no official bond. tions consist of two facilitators who life-altering event can make the ex-
to be as open as a college can get. Moreover, although FemSex joins have previously taken the workshop perience more daunting. Pflughaupt
While some schools feature basket- the ranks of Spring Weekend and Sex- and about 15 participants. FemSex mentions that he wouldn’t have felt
ball games or football tailgates as PowerGod as hallmarks of the Brown sections are generally larger (because prepared for the emotional question-
can’t-miss-this-before-you-graduate experience, it is in fact MSex, and not of the higher demand) and are over- raising aspect of FemSex if he hadn’t
events, Brown infamously celebrates FemSex, that originated at Brown. Yet whelmingly female. In a typical section first taken MSex. But he stresses that
more uncommon activities in its ar- FemSex continually overshadowes its of FemSex, there are only one or two the experience in either workshop is
ray of campus traditions. male counterpart. men if any. Facilitators have always highly dependent on the facilitators
Take, for example, The Female One possible reason is that FemSex been female, though no rule forbids and the participants in each section,
Sexuality Workshop. More common- came first. FemSex was originally de- men from the position. MSex sections, so each has a different feel.
ly known as FemSex, this workshop veloped at UC Berkley in 1993, not as on the other hand, are generally slight- In fact, as MSex facilitator Daw-
has grown into one of the integral an extracurricular workshop, but as a ly smaller and are split evenly between son Dohlen ’13 verifies, it is the va-
ingredients of the Brown experience. student-run and -developed course. In the sexes. Although originally only men riety of people involved, and the ex-
Held every semester for the past eight 2003, FemSex came to Brown. Since were to facilitate MSex (as FemSex is posure to wide-ranging opinions and
years, the workshop brings together the workshop is intended as a a dy- facilitated only by women), it currently sensibilities, that make the work-
a small group of men and women, namic concept that can be adapted and has two female facilitators. shops what they are. For example,
some Brown students and some not, instituted in many different communi- Both workshops follow the same even though MSex began as a space
twice a week to discuss issues deal- ties, facilitators adjusted it to work for basic syllabus, which focuses on topics primarily for gay men, Dohlen’s male
ing with—you guessed it—female Brown. like body image, violation of boundar- facilitator was heterosexual. Indeed,
sexuality. One look at the workshop’s MSex was created later, after Fem- ies, communication and consent, re- one of the merits of the workshops
syllabus is sure to make your Sunday Sex had taken roots at Brown. Chase lationship models, and reproduction is that participants often learn more
school teacher queasy—dis- about themselves from listen-
cussion topics include female ing to the experiences of oth-
anatomy, masturbation and ers. “It impresses me every
orgasm, porn and erotica, and time,” Dohlen says, “how you
sex toys. MSex, Brown’s other can get a random group of
sexuality workshop, address- people all from different social
es similar racy topics. groups and put them in an in-
Due to the sensitive sub- timate situation. It never gets
ject matter of the workshops, redundant.”
people who don’t know much And that’s perhaps the most
about their curricula might valuable thing about these
have misguided conceptions workshops, the reason why
of the workshops and their Brown students are urged to
participants. For example, experience at least one of them:
after FemSex disseminated they both encourage introspec-
table slip ads in 2007 that tion and exploration by ask-
showed a picture of three ex- ing participants to engage in
posed vulvas, the workshop honest conversation with one
made quick enemies of some another about their sexuality,
conservative-minded mem- validate their own sexual expe-
bers of the Brown community. riences, and promote respect
(When MSex had previously for the views of others. Yet
made a table slip depicting these workshops aren’t class-
a penis, no similar contro- es—there is no set agenda or
versy ensued). One offended objective. They strive for per-
student, Joshua Unseth ’08, sonal growth.
wrote in The Brown Specta- Katerina Dalavurak Even though the workshops
tor that FemSex is a “good excuse Huneke and Lieva Whitbeck ’06 met (FemSex focuses on abortion, contra- are popular among the student body,
to masturbate (and for guys, I have at a seminar on the Anthropology of ceptive methods, and child birth, while their subject matter raises plenty of
heard, it is a place to find a horny Masculinity in 2004. A FemSex partici- MSex focuses on fatherhood). And, of questions. Why do females feel com-
hookup).” pant at the time, Whitbeck approached course, there are the X-rated topics fortable participating in MSex while
Yet if you talk to any of the stu- Huneke about organizing an equivalent too. few males do so in FemSex? And
dents who are actually involved in function for men at Brown. They origi- Language is another key element of why are heterosexual men largely
the workshop —who lovingly refer to nally called the workshop Mansex, but the workshops’ success. For example, absent? Yet if the workshops teach
each other as “femsexies”—you will later changed it to MSex because, as both workshops use gender neutral anything, it is that using gender
more often than not hear that the ex- Huneke writes, the old name “implies language. So, instead of using he/she, and sexuality to generalize people’s
perience changed their lives for the gay porn.” The next semester, Whit- mother/father, sister/brother, or girl- behavior is dangerous. Each par-
better. In fact, without fail, FemSex beck and Huneke devoted themselves friend/boyfriend, participants and fa- ticipant’s sexual preferences and ex-
gets over 100 applicants every se- to developing the workshop by creating cilitators use the pronoun “phe” and periences are as variable as their rea-
mester for coveted spots in one of a “Mini Man-Sex” with a small group of words like parent, sibling, and part- sons for taking part in the workshop.
its three or four 15-person sections men who, along with Huneke and Whit- ner. Perhaps one of the most important
and the chance to say that they have beck, took resources from the existing Even though both workshops use things the workshops can provide is
partaken in of one of Brown’s most Berkley and Brown FemSex syllabi and similar structure and language, MSex self-awareness and exposure to dif-
notorious experiences. crafted what would become the MSex facilitator Sara David ’11 and par- ferent perspectives. This experience
But what about MSex, FemSex’s syllabus. The next semester, MSex offi- ticipant Justin Pflughaupt, who have is part of Brown’s liberal promise—a
lesser-known cousin? It is commonly cially began and has since thrived, even taken both FemSex and MSex, attest promise that allows us to pursue any
thought that MSex is the “male ver- if under FemSex’s shadow. to the fact that FemSex felt like a more topic, no matter how unconvention-
sion” of FemSex, but although they It is hard to compare the two work- “intense” experience. For one, FemSex al. Along with our Open Curriculum,
are related, the workshops started up shops because each participant’s experi- sections more strongly enforce proper our naked parties, and our boister-
separately, and run independently of ence is different. But, as one workshop gender-neutral language. This added ous concerts, we are one of the few
each other and of Brown. Although is a derivative of the other, their class demand makes it seem like there is more schools to boast sexuality workshops
the facilitators from both workshops structures are strikingly similar. Sec- at stake. And FemSex’s reputation as a for all genders.
arts & culture
Loopy for Lupe
artists to watch in 2011
post- music STAFF

With 2011 just getting underway, Post- Music is away. Sounds like: Lykke Li
looking forward to a year of new tunes and new oppor-
tunities to impress others with our clairvoyant powers. Fitz and The Tantrums
Here’s our list of rising artists who will leap into the If Amy Winehouse is the aging matriarch of mod-
spotlight this year. ern-day blue eyed soul, Fitz and the Tantrums are her
hip offspring who grew up on a steady diet of Hall &
Lupe Fiasco Oats. The LA sextet has the usual combination of sax, Ethan Zisson
2008 Spring Weekend act Lupe Fiasco quietly horns, and impeccably-tailored suits reminiscent of lodic gems while remaining true to the genre with funky
dominated the hip-hop charts in the last two years. In Motown, but what sets them apart is their nod to the dance beats and soaring synths. Techno giants like The
2006 he was named GQ’s “Breakout Man of the Year” R&B-pop sounds of the ‘80s. This mixture of funk, Juan MacLean, Siriusmo, and Knightlife have remixed
and released sleeper hits like “Kick Push” and “Super- soul, and keyboard creates a sound that is as infec- the group’s tracks, and in return, Bag Raiders has con-
star.” “Solar Midnight” even appeared in Twilight: New tious as it is energetic, and is well-suited to take over structed smart, catchy redubs of songs by Chromeo, Cut
Moon (for you “Twihards”). With three albums and one airwaves and hearts alike. Sounds like: The lovechild Copy, and Midnight Juggernauts. Their self-titled al-
Grammy under his belt, Lupe is poised to achieve the of Amy Winehouse and Prince bum just dropped in January and the blogs are already
stardom enjoyed by former collaborator Yeezy with the infatuated with the group’s slow-burning single “Way
release of his latest album Lasers due out in March. The Naked And Famous Back Home.” Sounds like: Miike Snow
Debut single “The Show Goes On” features a sped-up The Naked And Famous song “Young Blood” has
sample of “Float On” by Modest Mouse backed by tri- already been featured in the insultingly obvious up- Foster The People
umphant horns—anthemic elements that will catapult coming teen movie Prom so you know the band is on Foster The People stormed onto the indie scene this
this understated rapper to superstardom. Sounds like: the up and up. The single charted at number one in the summer with its breezy, irresistible anthem “Pumped
Kid Cudi band’s homeland of New Zealand, and it’s only a mat- Up Kicks.” With its warm, bouncy bassline and chant-
ter of time before The Naked And Famous joins the worthy chorus, “Pumped Up Kicks” launched Foster
Oh Land proud ranks of fellow exports like Lord of the Rings The People into the blogosphere limelight and landed
To the casual observer, Oh Land might seem like and “Flight of the Conchords.” Their album Passive them a record deal with Sony Music. The recent release
just a carbon copy of fellow Scandinavian dance-pop Me, Aggressive You is not revolutionary per se, but of their self-titled EP reveals an electronic-rock sound
queen Robyn. Born Nanna Oland Fabricius, Oh Land revels in a dreamy pop aesthetic that MGMT’s Oracu- evocative of a less-psychedelic MGMT. For those disillu-
shares the same airy vocals and playful electro beats as lar Spectacular achieved in years past. Like Oracular sioned by the trip that was Congratulations, Foster The
her contemporary, but with a unique warm and dreamy Spectacular, this album is sure to achieve more than People might swoop in to fill the void with catchy tunes
sound the singer likens to a “snow globe.” Oh Land’s a blip on the feel-good-pop radar. Sounds like: Pas- like “Helena Beat” and “Houdini.” Watch for the band
magic is exemplified in her new single “Sun of a Gun” sion Pit to make a bold statement at this year’s Coachella Music
a thumping number about lost love that compels you and Arts Festival and cross over to mainstream fame.
to dance and sing along, without any sugary-pop after- Bag Raiders Sounds like: MGMT
taste. With the fashion and indie world raving about her Long beloved in the electronic scene, Bag Raid-
model looks, killer live shows, and new album Fauna ers has delivered consistent, creative, and malleable
(coming out this March), world domination for this songs since their 2007 EP Fun Punch. In the likeness Contributing writers: Ivy Alphonse-Leja, Gopika
former ballerina is only a perfectly choreographed step of GRUM and Miami Horror, Bag Raiders crafts me- Krishna, Lily Goodspeed, and Eric Sun.

Eye of the Tiger Mother
appreciating my bathroom breaks
Phil Lai


literary editor
The Tiger Mother controversy in anecdote “in favor of coercion,” Chua Virtually all of Chua’s television ap-
a few short sentences: Woman writes uses psychological warfare—including pearances follow a similar pattern. She
memoir about using traditional Chi- refusing bathroom breaks—to goad her smiles often and laughs good-naturedly
nese methods of child-rearing. The 7-year-old daughter into perfecting a pi- at her interviewer’s foolishness. Battle
Wall Street Journal publishes an ex- ano piece. Extreme? Of course. And yet Hymn of the Tiger Mother isn’t a par-
cerpt of said memoir, given the pro- her daughter proudly played the once- enting manual, she stresses. It’s about
vocative title “Why Chinese Mothers daunting piece at a recital the next week. her journey as a parent. Once, she
are Superior.” Everyone goes batshit A bemused Good Morning America re- snagged the interviewer’s copy of her
crazy. porter summarized the ambivalent reac- memoir and tapped on the subtitle with
At first, I was excited about the tions that Chua’s harsh parenting tactics one tastefully manicured nail. “The sto-
heated discussion surrounding Battle and undeniable achievements provoke: ry of how I was humbled by a 13-year-
Hymn of the Tiger Mother, the mem- “I don’t know whether to be repulsed,” old,” she read. “It’s all there, right on
oir that launched a thousand death she said, “or completely jealous.” the cover.”
threats. (I hyperbolize. ABC News failed My advice is: be jealous. Not because Exactly how much Chua was hum- the sort of parent one would choose; she
to specify how many death threats Amy of Chua’s daughters, though she raised bled is open to debate, but few seem in- is demanding, inflexible, and occasional-
Chua, the author, received, but I sus- two poised and accomplished young clined to argue the point. Instead, inter- ly horrifying to the point of hilarity. (Call
pect the number is substantially less.) women. Be jealous because, while you views follow the framework established me unfeeling, but I laughed at some of
A passionate bibliophile, I found it re- are wondering how to feel about her par- by the Wall Street Journal, perpetuat- her threats, including, “If the next time’s
freshing to see a book at the center of enting style, Amy Chua’s book is number ing the oversimplification that Chua is a not PERFECT, I’m going to TAKE ALL
a controversy, rather than, say, Sarah two on the New York Times nonfiction superior know-it-all who scorns West- YOUR STUFFED ANIMALS AND BURN
Palin. Then I realized something: no bestseller list. She’s making guest ap- ern parenting methods. The discourse THEM!”) Yet, her children—presumably
one actually read the book. Discourse pearances on The Colbert Report, gig- about Tiger Mother is, regrettably, not the best judges of Chua’s parental merit—
has been dominated by vehement igno- gling coyly as Stephen Colbert ever-so- about the book at all. Rather, it is about seem devoted, even appreciative. In a re-
ramuses who assume that a sensation- gently roasts her. (Her appearance is a neatly packaged—but reductive— buttal of the various accusations leveled
alized excerpt is representative of the as disarming as her unexpectedly girl- conception of the book created by the against Chua, her elder daughter Sophia
entire memoir. ish demeanor. Chua favors slim-fitting media. The need to attract viewers and thanked her “Tiger Mom” for the pres-
Taken from the opening pages of sweaters and wears her long hair loose sell papers led to a choice of shock value sure to excel, saying, “If I died tomorrow,
Tiger Mother, the published excerpt and sleek, producing a foxy effect that over substance, lamentably focusing I would die feeling I’ve lived my whole
glosses over elements of self-satire in has not gone unnoticed by viewers—on- public conversation on the most trivial life at 110 percent.” And while that pace
Chua’s writing, presenting her work as line discussion boards are flooded with question that Tiger Mother raises: Is seems a bit strenuous to this product of
a serious diatribe against weak-willed witticisms such as, “She can be my ti- Amy Chua a bad parent? laissez-faire parenting, it’s a far cry from
Western parenting. While other parts ger mother anytime.”) And when critics Having made it to 19 without pro- child abuse. Bad mother? Good mother?
of Tiger Mother reveal Chua’s devo- claim that Chua’s book is a how-to man- ducing any progeny, I don’t feel quali- It’s a flawed question that allows for no
tion to her daughters, she comes across ual for abusive parenting, she just bats fied to judge. But I want to continue ambiguity and, like all unanswerable
here as cold and exacting, though ad- her eyes ingenuously. As she should: she the fine tradition of fixating on a dumb questions, deserves only one response: a
ept at producing child prodigies. In one wrote a memoir, not a manifesto. question, so here’s my take. Chua is not derisive roll of the eyes.
6 arts & culture

Victoria Elmore

From Brown to London Town

around the world on 5 stages
kate DOYLE
Well, reader, you certainly have some decisions drama—a gripping story of women in the Demo- previews, is the celebrity-buzzed talk of Londontown
to make. Should you dare to turn your wandering cratic Republic of Congo. Huntington’s production The Children’s Hour. This much-hyped revival of Lil-
traveler’s eye off campus this spring, towards the is giving that earlier incarnation a run for its money, lian Hellman’s scandalous-for-its-day 1930s drama
plentiful offerings of downtown Providence, Boston, having garnered some serious buzz this past month centers around ruinous rumors at a girls’ boarding
New York, and even London, picking and choosing amongst Boston critics. But beware and be warned, school. The show’s leading lady, string-bean cool
is bound to take a turn toward the overwhelming. it closes in mere days (on February 7th), so it’s now Brit Keira Knightley, made her West End debut in
For such a woeful affliction, oh brave traveler, never or never. Transit time: A little over an hour on The Misanthrope a few years back and earned an all-
fear! As to whither you should wander this spring for the MBTA, a few minutes on the T, and a few more around report card amongst critics of “not too shab-
a theatrical fix, your own Post- Mag provides some on foot. Pay up: $25 for a “35Below” ticket, plus a by, though neither too spectacular.” She’s back in the
answers—ours, anyway. Take ‘em or leave ‘em, from few bucks for the T and $15 for a round-trip on the West End with something to prove, but it remains to
Waterman Street to the West End, here’s what we’re train. be seen if she can step up her game. Transit time:
watching this spring. New York, New York: Transplanted from a It’s Keira Knightley, who cares? Pay up: Something
Just Downtown: Cozy, eccentric and unpre- current run at London’s Donmar Warehouse, a new steep, that’s for sure. Look out for spring break airline
dictable, Providence’s Perishable Theatre regularly production of King Lear, starring Shakespeare great sales, and expect your ticket to the show to run you, at
takes the cake when it comes to personality and ar- Derek Jacobi, will take to the stage in late April at a minimum, £35 (or $55).
tistic fearlessness. Come spring, the research and the theatrical force-to-be-reckoned-with Brooklyn What’s that you say? Think you’d prefer to keep it
development theatre will be staging the New Eng- Academy of Music. To steal a line from the family close to home (and on the cheap)? Not the wandering
land premiere of Carson Kreitzer’s 1:23, a haunting friend of one Post- staffer, critics thus far have been type? Can’t leave the immediate vicinity of the SciLi
crime history of filicidal mothers Susan Smith and pretty much “drooling.” Since this one’s coming without experiencing violent convulsions? There’s al-
Andrea Yates. Not set to open until mid-April, the straight your way from overseas, you’ll even get a ways something close to home...
production remains, at least for now, shrouded in little international flair thrown in for good measure ‘Round Brown: Over on our own theatre de-
mystery, but promises a potent squirm factor and on your weekend away—not to mention the added partment mainstage, the talent’s brand new from the
a seriously chilling vibe. Transit time: 21 minutes chic of prowling the NY theatre scene far from the UK. Now in rehearsals, visiting Prof Nick Ridout’s
down College Hill. Pay up: $15 for a student tick- Great White Way. Transit time: About 3.5 hours production of Shakespeare’s As You Like It opens
et—plus whatever a good pair of walking shoes’ll run on the bus. Pay up: About $30 on Peter Pan, and as this March. Already rumors are a-flying about actors
you. low as $20 for a cheap seat on an off-peak night. in panda suits—to say nothing of Ridout’s gutsy new
Trot to Boston: If you’re willing to wander a lit- Jaunt Across the Pond: West End, anyone? approach to memorizing one’s lines, in which, well …
tle farther afield, we’re picking Huntington Theatre Assuming you play those spring break cards just one doesn’t. In our book this one’s not-to-be-missed—
Company’s production of Ruined for this semester’s so, it’s certainly conceivable (albeit in a dreamy, “if if only for sheer quirk factor and a breath of fresh air
best-bet Boston-area production. Playwright Lynn only” kind of way). While you’re at it, you you may as from a fresh faculty director. Transit time: 2 min-
Nottage ’86 earned rave reviews and a Pulitzer in well go for broke and get yourself a little star-power utes up Thayer from your home sweet home. Pay up:
2009 for the New York production of her flooring bang for your “quid.” Our overseas pick, presently in $7 for your seat, not a penny for your travels!

film & tv
Brits Do It Better
the skinny on skins
managing editor

MTV’s Skins opens on a lone girl clad on accusations of child pornography tells Tony, nearly salivating. “Chris says one. Whereas the British characters were
in ragged party-wear walking down a des- directed toward the show. The Parents we could probably convert them. It’ll be beloved but never fully understood, the
olate suburban street. Her older brother Television Council has called Skins “the like girl on girl on dudes!” What would American teenagers are flat and predict-
doesn’t notice, too busy practicing jujut- most dangerous television program for American Skins have done with Tony able. They lack the depth that made the
su, doing pushups, and, of course, play- children” in the history of the medium. and Maxxie’s brief tryst midway through British series so riveting, that allowed the
ing window-to-window strip-tease with (As if MTV could have asked for bet- the first season? Would the producers show to seem real even as its plotlines be-
the woman across the street. A typical ter advertising.) Those tuning in for a have allowed Tony, here presented as came increasingly far-fectched.
morning for the Stonems, the camera glimpse of the action will be disappoint- little more than an over-confident and All of which begs the question, was an
intimates. And so begins a gratuitous ed—despite ample sex, so-called graphic excessively suave (if surprisingly short) American remake really necessary? Are we
remake of the hit British series, borrow- imagery is limited to dance-floor grop- alpha male, to get with his gay friend? as a people incapable of relating to charac-
ing nearly all of its plot from the original ing and some spirited foreplay. Even Surely not. ters with funny accents? Could we not all
while botching nearly everything else. though the British show was racier (one And here lies the greatest disap- guess what “tosser” meant? In its attempt
Premiering in 2007, the award-win- could expect a bare breast or two every pointment of American Skins: the char- to Americanize a work of uniquely British
ning British Skins follows nine teenag- few episodes), it used sex to show its acters. Tony is the confident guy. Cadie genius, MTV simply gets its knickers in a
ers in Bristol, England, through pills characters at their most vulnerable—not is the crazy girl. Michelle is the hot twist.
and booze, sex and break-ups, divorce to turn on its viewership, the clear goal
and death. Each episode begins with a of the American version.
close-up of one of the main characters, Most of the characters in the Ameri-
the camera slowly zooming out until the can version carry over from the British
viewer finds himself in someone else’s series, with a few notable exceptions.
world. Some of the more memorable Diehards will surely miss Maxxie, the
scenes include Chris walking around his rare character who is gay but not merely
suburban neighborhood entirely naked, a token. The writers treated him as a
a mad warehouse party where guests are person first, not a vehicle for poorly con-
suspended by ropes and flee just before ceived social commentary. Viewers will
the cops can catch them, a school field find in his place the gorgeous Tea (pro-
trip to Russia that starts with a sexy vil- nounced TEE-ah), whose same-sex en-
lager seen from afar and ends with her counters MTV likely thought would be
angry husband and drawn guns. With more palatable for American audiences.
these plotlines, it would be difficult to But the substitution seems ill-conceived.
call the original Skins realistic. But in its Consider when Chris and Abbud agree
dedication to seeing the world through to stop by a gay bar with Tea, as they
the eyes of its characters—who are re- did with Maxxie on the British series.
markable not for being hot or cool but With Maxxie, the scene served as a re-
believable as human beings—the show markable testament to the strength of
stood out in the overcrowded genre of childhood friendship and its ability to
teen melodrama. defy expectation; in the American se-
Media coverage so far has focused ries, it is merely a clumsy reaffirmation
of stereotype. “It’s like live porn,” Abbud
Kelly Winter
food & booze
Illustration by Lauren Youngsmith
Me Jane, You Food
one foodie’s need to knead

which seemed to me a perfectly reason- Nina Ruelle’s No-Knead Bread

able substitute.) My bread refused to
rise, lying at the bottom of the bread pan Courtesy of The New York Times, which adapted its recipe from Jim
like a dead pet your dad tells you is just Lahey, Sullivan Street Bakery
jane BRENDLINGER sleeping forever. On my second try, I was
older, but none the wiser. Yes, I used the Ingredients
food columnist 3 cups all-purpose or bread flour, more for dusting
correct yeast, but I quickly discovered
Over winter break, when my travel that cottage cheese and sour cream are ¼ teaspoon instant yeast
plans were limited to a work commute not happy bedfellows—my food proces- 1¼ teaspoons salt
and trips to the local Blockbuster, I de- sor heated to the verge of combustion in
cided to venture into the culinary un- the mechanical kneading process. Again, 1. In a large bowl combine flour, yeast, and salt. Add 1 5/8 cups water,
known. Snowed in with countless hours the product was similar: squishy and and stir until blended; dough will be shaggy and sticky. Cover bowl with
at my disposal, I resolved to bake my practically unleavened. Needless to say plastic wrap and let it rest overnight.
own bread. What, I asked, could possi- (no pun intended), I was frustrated. Did 2. Lightly flour a work surface and place dough on it; sprinkle it with a
bly be more comforting then the scent I knead too much? Too little? Too vigor- little more flour and fold it over on itself once or twice. Cover loosely with
of bread baking in the oven, more satis- ously? I ate the weird bread, but I felt plastic wrap and let rest about 15 minutes.
fying than that first warm bite? Though weird about it. 3. Using just enough flour to keep dough from sticking to work surface
I cannot remember, nor even imagine Back on campus and determined to or to your fingers, shape dough into a ball. Generously coat a dishtowel
a time when bread was a homemade overcome my bread disability, I enlisted with flour and place the dough seamside down on top of it. Cover with
staple in the Brendlinger household, the help of Nina Ruelle, baker extraordi- another towel and let rise for about 2 hours. When it is ready, dough will
the idea called to mind memories of a naire and all-around sweetheart. With a be more than double in size and will not readily spring back when poked
home that wasn’t mine, a childhood I foolproof, no-knead recipe, Nina walked with a finger.
never had. So I set out on a treacherous me through the process and the over- 4. At least a half-hour before dough is ready, heat oven to 450 de-
expedition to the local co-op for yeast, night affair that, yes, took patience, but grees. Put a 6- to 8-quart heavy covered pot (cast iron, enamel, Pyrex, or
and I was in business. only about 30 minutes of real work. The ceramic) in oven as it heats. When dough is ready, carefully remove pot
Or so I thought. Turns out, bread result was perfect: crusty on the outside, from oven. Slide your hand under the towel and turn dough over into pot,
was a trickier adversary than I imag- soft yet light and cavernous within, and seam side up. It may look like a mess, but don’t fret, it will turn out fine.
ined. Granted, I kept making mistakes. just a hint of sour flavor for a tangy kick. Shake pan once or twice if dough is unevenly distributed; it will straighten
For my first attempt, I chose a basic All you really need is a cast-iron pot, or out as it bakes. Cover with lid and bake 30 minutes, then remove lid and
wheat recipe from The Joy of Cooking, a friend with one. I recommend mak- bake another 15 to 30 minutes, until loaf is beautifully browned. Let it
which called for fast-acting yeast. (Dif- ing the dough on a Saturday afternoon: cool, but not too much.
ferent, I learned, from active dry yeast, while it rises, rage.

Mexican Food War

wrapping up the burrito debate
managing editor
In the fall of 2008, like all new first I’m talking about American burritos, the
years at the time, I was faced with a Mexican equivalent of chicken and broc-
choice: Antonio’s or Nice Slice. You coli at a Chinese restaurant. (In the en-
couldn’t wholeheartedly enjoy both, or suing discussion, I decided to disregard
the taco Winnebago, because it’s only
Caroline Washburn

simply dine at one establishment with-

out an opinion on the other. In this around when everywhere else is closed,
way, the Thayer Street pizza rivalry was and very few people ever make a sober
not unlike the Michael Jackson versus decision to go there. That being said, its
Prince debate during the ‘80s: both situ- tacos are cheap and tasty.)
ations required you to make a choice Ambience: If you want to eat a bur-
and defend it with a thoughtful and co- rito in a pizza place, then go to Gordito,
gent argument. which shares its premises with Antonio’s.
But this is no longer the case. In If you want to eat a burrito in a bagel
the collective consciousness of College place, then go to Bagel Gourmet or Bagel
Hill, the pizza debate has taken a back- Gourmet Olé, which are essentially bagel provide (a chicken burrito with cilantro- still frequent Bagel Gourmet, mostly
seat to a more pressing issue: el debate shops that also sell Mexican food. If you lime rice, black beans, two types of salsa, because of their excellent breakfast
del burrito. The December opening of want to eat a burrito in a burrito place, and cheese contains nearly 1000 calo- burritos.
the Chipotle on Thayer lies at the heart then go to Chipotle. Though an awkward ries, and about 30 g of fat). What really Baja’s isn’t bad either, although it
of this Mexican food-fueled debate. It table arrangement makes it difficult to makes Chipotle the loser in the price cat- seems to have spread itself too thin,
has forced students to ask themselves: find a spot at peak hours, Chipotle is egory is its policy of charging $1.95 extra focusing on quantity of options rather
Where am I going to buy my burrito? the only real burrito establishment with for guacamole. That’s just not cool. than quality of the individual items.
Even before Chipotle came to Thay- even halfway adequate seating. Winner: Gordito When you also make cheese steaks,
er, there was no shortage of options for Winner: Chipotle. Runner-up: Baja’s burgers, and hot dogs, it makes sense
the hungry Brown student in search of Price: Burritos aren’t cheap, but Taste: Not everyone will agree, but that your burritos wouldn’t be top
a pseudo-Mexican fix. Bagel Gourmet, considering how enormous they are, I Chipotle’s burritos are far superior to all notch.
Bagel Gourmet Olé, Baja’s Tex and Mex wouldn’t let a small difference in price of the other options on Thayer. Many Winner: Chipotle
Grill, Gordito Burrito, the taco Winne- affect where I get my lunch. Gordito’s Brown students know it but won’t ad- Options: Baja’s makes cheese
bago, and even Toledo (the “cone zone”) burritos are certainly the most afford- mit it, because Chipotle is a chain and steaks. Bagel Gourmet (Olé) makes
all served up Mexican fare long before able; it is currently having a two-for-one therefore must be uncool and evil. But bagels. Chipotle just makes burritos,
Thayer had a Chipotle of its own. deal, presumably to step up its game Chipotle’s emphasis on using fresh, burrito bowls, tacos, and salads, all
To highlight the strengths and weak- against the new competition. high-quality ingredients and hormone- with the same basic ingredients. Sure,
nesses of each establishment, I decided At Baja’s, a standard burrito will run free meat makes for the best burrito on its menu isn’t big, but Chipotle does
to choose a “winner” in four categories: you $5.99, no matter what meat, veg- College Hill. what it does well. Every time you step
ambience, price, taste, and options. I gies, or toppings you choose. At Chipo- As far as Mexican fare goes, you foot in that stainless steel fortress of
intentionally did not focus on authentic- tle, burritos range from $6.25 to $6.65, couldn’t go wrong at Bagel Gourmet or classy Mexican fastfood, you know
ity as a critical factor, because it doesn’t which isn’t a huge difference from Baja’s, Bagel Gourmet Olé either, which both you’re going to get a good ch*ngado
matter to me. This article is not about especially when you consider the amount offer solid burritos, tacos, and nachos. burrito.
the burritos that people eat in Mexico. of sustenance a Chipotle burrito can Even though I’m a big Chipotle fan, I Winner: Chipotle
8 sex & etiquette

the scent of a (wo)man
Boneroma: n. umbrella term for somewhere out there, waiting to make time, while penises generally hang out Finally, if you’re a really picky
the genital fragrance (and resultant a married woman out of me. in various states of dryness and sweati- eater, don’t be afraid to ask your
gustatory flavor) experienced by the Taste, though, is an equally impor- ness, vaginas often have a characteris- partner to cut down his or her red
giving party during oral sex tant part of the equation. As the other tic smell. Depending on the stage of the meat consumption, drink and smoke
chemoreceptive sense, taste is deter- menstrual cycle, the amount of sweat, less, eat more veggies, drink more
The first boy I ever loved smelled mined by the chemical ingredients of the presence of infection, the recency water, stay away from garlic, and
like shit. Instead of adhering to so- whatever’s being ingested. Though my of showering, and—last but not least— nom some fruit (pineapple in partic-
cially acceptable standards of hy- high school boyfriend may not have diet, the vagina can smell sweet, sour, ular has been proven to make semen
giene, he’d rub patchouli on his scalp, had the best personal hygiene, he ate fishy, yeasty, or any other adjective taste like the inside of a Nik-L-Nip,
sanitize his breath with a clove ciga- a lot of fresh produce, stayed hydrated, that may precede the name of a dish at i.e., super tasty). There exist a range
rette, and go commando for purposes and didn’t drink too much alcohol. As a Chinese restaurant. I’d be much more of products, from oral strips to deep
of crotch fumigation. I could always a result, when I wrested my face from worried about a floral-smelling snatch throat mints, from “B.J. Drops” to
tell he was approaching when the air inside his armpits and moved it to the than a healthy, musty one. “Green Apple Cock Rocks,” that im-
around me started to smell like the place his underwear should have been, Almost everyone I polled—both prove the gustatory experience for
inside of a lumberjack’s Carhartt’s. I found his semen tasted pretty good. men and women—had tasted their se- the discerning cunnilinguist or fin-
Deodorant, he thought, polluted the Semen, which is composed mainly of cretions at one time or another, either icky fellatrix. My advice? Don’t bring
virility of his natural stank. water, with some proteins, carbs, fat, via the mouths or genitals of their part- foreign cherry-flavored substances
He was right. Scent is the single and trace minerals, should taste gener- ners, or by licking their fingers under into your oral sex, and for the love of
sexiest sense, and it’s through vari- ally kind of like snot—a little sweet and the covers after a clandestine wanking God, don’t anaesthetize your throat
ous chemoreceptors in our olfactory a little salty, with varying degrees of in their dorms. If you’re curious or con- with a “tongue tingler” or any bottle
systems that we pick up the pher- acidity, blandness, and bitterness. cerned about how you might taste to a reading “Yummy Cummy.” While I
emones of our sexual partners. To The same is true of female secre- partner, go ahead and sample yourself. don’t recommend burning incense
be honest, I thought his pit-sweat tion. The vaginal environment is more If you’re flexible enough to lick your near your nads and calling it a “show-
smelled so good I’d have worn that astringent than that of the seminal own genitals, then not only should you er,” I think being natural, conscious,
shit before Chanel No. 5. When I look vesicles, so it often tastes more acidic do so, but you should also consider and considerate is generally the way
out my window at night, I know there than male ejaculate. Since the inner la- yourself incredibly blessed and forward to go.
is a noxious cross-country trucker bia are moist with secretion most of the me your contact information.

your next stop, the friend zone
L&D, ness, spend time with your friends,
be friendly, hook up with people if
It’s now the start of my fourth DISASTER! I think my dad unfortunate “big talk”, in which case
semester at Brown, and most of you want to. Eventually something found my piece, the Green Hornet, you can always blame the influence of
my friends seem to have found re- will happen. This method sucks. over winter break. Like a f*cking “those crazy hippies” at Brown.
lationships, but I haven’t had much A LOT. But I’ve found it much less idiot, I left it in the pocket of my If the latter is true, and your father
success. None of the straight men I frustrating than the usual routine of jeans, which I later gave him to put has acquired this damaging piece of in-
know are interested, but they all say eye-f*cking random dudes in coffee in the wash. The next day, it was formation, your silence is still golden.
I have a great personality. Help! shops or trying to snag someone at a gone without a trace. He hasn’t Honesty may be the best policy, but
Stuck In Friend Territory, Es- sweaty frat party. mentioned it since, but I’m sure he there’s no need to stir up unnecessary
cape Demanded xoxo must know now that I smoke. Am I conflict. If he hasn’t brought it up, Dad
Lovecraft being paranoid? Should I bring it appears to be giving you a free pass. If
Darlink SIFTED, up? And, most importantly, can I he is blazing mad, he appears to feel
I could bore you with the tradi- Dear SIFTED, ask for it back? The Green Hornet that confiscating your piece is punish-
tional advice for this (e.g., put your- First, let me congratulate you on was my first piece and has been ment enough. If he is just blazing, you
self out there and join some clubs your acronym, one of the cleverest our there for me through high times can trust that the Hornet will be put to
to meet people with similar inter- readers have submitted. Second, it’s and, well, more high times. good use, and maybe one day he will
ests), but I’m sure you’re doing this good for you to take the initiative. In- -Piece of My Heart invite you to feel its sting once more.
already. I’m also going to believe stead of simply eye-f*cking the dudes As someone who has celebrated 4/20
you have a great personality, even in the coffee shop, go say something Dearest Piece of My Heart, with her own family, I can attest to the
though I don’t know you. Why am to them. It may seem weird, it may How saddened I am to hear pleasure of the shared parent-child
I making these assumptions? Be- seem absolutely awkward, and they of your dilemma! And sadder to toke. But this is an experience he, and
cause I have seen my straight fe- may tell you to get out of their faces still to bear the unfortunate tid- not you, will have to initiate.
male friends have the same problem because they’re cramming for orgo, ings that your dear Green Hornet So cut your losses and zip your
over and over, and I know they are but the odds are that you’ll be able to is lost forever. After such a fresh- lip. And remember, there are always
awesome, beautiful, datable, and do at least talk to them for a little while. man mistake of leaving the Hornet more fish in the sea, or pieces on the
all of the things you’re supposed to That said, don’t be discouraged if in your trousers, it either went to street. Thayer Street, that is. With just
do to snare Your Dream Man. But, you chase and keep ending up with High Heaven in the laundry or was a modicum of investigative effort, you
both demographically and cultur- nothing. You’ll get someone—it’s just discovered by the launderer: your will find a veritable potpourri of smok-
ally, you are at a slight disadvantage a matter of time. If you’re nearly as father. ing apparatus available at College Hill
here. So I’m not going to tell you to awesome as you say you are, people In the former case, your fam- stores. And when you’ve discovered the
do that. I think that the rule of find- are going to notice. ily is still in the dark about your new piece of your heart, do yourself a
ing someone to be with is that they propensity to light up. Bringing up favor and leave it in your dorm.
don’t appear until you stop hunting Your Friendly International Stag, the issue will only lead to unfortu- Sincerely,
them. Just chill, go about your busi- Dorian nate revelations and an even more Emily Post-