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The Breakup Diary

By: Michelle Joy Itable


So he left me hanging…We were in the coffee shop when he broke out the silence reigning for hours.
“You know, I have loved you before….”, what he said was unusual.
Then he continued, “But there are changes that I just can’t explain... And I don’t think we could still work it out”
Was that a break-up statement or simply saying I did something wrong? I had no clear idea.
“I didn’t catch that. What do you mean?”
I was waiting for the answer but it took him long enough to speak. Then he glared at me, his eyes were sincere but their
warmth is gone.
“I don’t mean to hurt you. But, I met this girl and….”
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So here I am now, 1 month after the legendary breakup we had. Do you expect me to be an emo girl? I don’t look like that,
but my heart does…
Honestly I’m not in the mood to tell our story nor do I want to project myself as the loser…That explains why I didn’t include
most of his words on our break up at the first paragraph. It would be too much pitiful to me, and too painful indeed.

I don’t want to get your sympathy nor your concern. And please don’t compare my situation to yours if you have experienced
this. This could help you one way or another, but I’m not good in consoling or in making advice. So please, don’t expect
much. All I want is to share…To stop crying…and to finally forget him.

Oh how could I forget him? He’s the only who really knows me. He’s the only one who made me feel that I have best things.
He made me capable of doing things I never thought I could. How could I forget how he used to tell me that he was so blest
of having me? How could I forget his sweet kiss and his touch? I could not count the reasons why I love him. But it made no
sense now. He made his decision and he’s glad with it.

As it doesn’t mean a thing to him, it seemed everything for me. The more I think of him and all the memories we have been
through I can’t help but throw myself in silence and cry. He told me about this girl whom he met on a party one night. I
wasn’t really convinced that he’s really in loved with her. We’ve been lovers for three years, and then here comes a girl he just
met for two months. I really have doubts. I tried to think he was just confused.

So I set him free so that he could decide though I was still in a deep hope that he would change his mind and be back. But
months passed and there was not even a shadow of him. Maybe he really loved her or maybe he just ran out of reason loving
me.

They say that time can heal the pain. But if time really does, why is it still fresh in my heart? Why do I still feel the touch of
his lips? Why can’t I throw his pictures away? Why can’t I just stop loving him?

LETTING GO. It’s the hardest thing to do, and yet there’s just no point not doing it. I always end up doing things I hate. I am
not mature enough to understand this process. So, as I would invent my own ways, I guess the first step is to limit myself
while at the same time give an allowance.

I’ll love him for one month and in that month I shall think of him day and night. He will be my sunshine as I wake up. Our
memories will live again. I’ll probably need a diary to list them. So as the month reaches its end, hopefully I would be bored
of loving him….Then I will start a new month, a different one.

I will do my usual stuffs before I met him.. I will revive my dead hobbies and explore more adventures. It would be fun as I
would go to many places. I would party with friends and get myself new looks…red hair for one week, then brown maybe for
the next.

Oh my, this sounds so wonderful! I just hope these things work out. And finally I could make a step in moving on.

But what if I have started the plan and suddenly… he comes back? What if he’d tell he’s sorry and that he stil loves me?

Impossible! Just on my dreams. You see… whenever I’d try to work things out, I can’t help but still hope…I say we’re though,
it’s over, but the truth is I still believe that we’ll be back again.. I feel like I’m dying. I miss him so much…And just like my
usual days, I’m still here…crying
Now, I decide to let things unfold. I wont force myself to forget him if I still can’t, I’ll just fool myself. But I won’t limit myself
to the other side of life. Yes, I’m still hurt. But it won’t mean that I can no longer be happy…at least I’ll try to be.

I have to live life, even if living it means not having him at my side… =(

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