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CHILD DEVELOPMENT:
INTROVERTED CHILDREN 101
Two Different Ways of Being
Sarah and John, seven year old twins, are just home from a school trip. Sarah, excited to tell her mother about her
adventure, rattles off the details of her day and enthusiastically exclaims that she had “the best day ever!”
John, on the other hand, stands in the background, does not share anything about the outing, and quietly goes into the
kitchen to get a snack.
This scenario may be all too common in some households. What is happening here? Did John not enjoy the trip or is
something else going on?
Part of the answer might lie in understanding the differences between introversion and extroversion.
Introverts get their energy by focusing inside themselves and need alone time to recharge themselves.
Extroverts, on the flip side, seek stimulation outside themselves and prefer to be with others to get their energy.
John, being more of an introvert, may have preferred some time to regroup before sharing the highlights or lowlights of his day.
Introverts prefer internal thinking as a way to cope with the world. Extroverts focus on their social connections and actions
as an approach to dealing with life.
Introverts can be overwhelmed by sights and sounds and tend to narrow their experiences, but go deeply into those areas
they have chosen to focus on. Extroverts tend to be less sensitive and can take in a broader range of input.
Introverted Children
Introverted children typically:
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Concentrate deeply
Suggest they read something new and unfamiliar, such as a book on a new topic or new genre.
Have them come up with five new uses for familiar objects.
Typically, they see their room as a safe haven. Allowing a private space for them should be at the top of the list.
Build quiet time into their day so they can recharge their batteries, especially if your household is loud and filled with
many activities.
Share with your children your own personality needs as a parent. It can be that you are an extrovert parenting an
introverted child. Share the uniqueness and positive attributes of both approaches.
You can help your child realize that hardship and bumps in the road are part of life.
Practice patience and understanding when your child does not make the best choice.
You can face the music together. Introverted children make good use of “me too” or “I’ve been there” stories, if they
are told with a “we’re in this together” attitude.
Social Matters
Introverts typically experience more intimate connections and tend to have fewer close friends than extroverts.
Contrary to conventional wisdom, introverts are not always shy. They do not necessarily experience social anxiety as some shy
children do. Usually, they have good social skills and enjoy people – just in smaller doses and smaller groups, such as one or two
people.
Introverted children need their parents to accept their preferences and communicate to them that there are different types of people
– some who enjoy being in large crowds and some who do not. Either way, it is okay.
Parents can gently encourage introverted children to go a little beyond their comfort zone in social matters. For example,
by carefully selecting the number of activities you do, limiting the length of your stay, and building in down time
between events.
Introverts may benefit from assistance in recognizing when they need a break. For example,
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You can help them find words they can use to excuse themselves from a group, find a quiet spot in the midst of a busy
mall to decompress, and develop strategies to re-enter without generating undo attention.
Slowing down will allow your children to bring more of their world to you. Since they are so attuned to their perceptions, they can
come up with astonishing insights and perspectives that are really humorous and creative. Let their more observant nature teach
you to “stop and smell the roses.”
In Summary
Awareness and support can be half the battle in educating and protecting introverted children. Parents can help their children accept
themselves by talking to them about how they react to the world. Let them know that there is incredible value in being an
introvert, as well as in being an extrovert.
Finding empathy and understanding in one’s family, developing useful strategies for making it through a full day, and gaining
knowledge of why individuals do what they do will help your introverted child be more comfortable in an extroverted world.
For more information about introverts and extraverts, check out the following books. Purchasing from Amazon.com through our
website supports the work we do to help parents do the best job they can to raise their children.
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