INT.

A CROWDED COURTROOM
The judge hits the gavel, the courtroom falls silent.

JUDGE
Order, order. We will hear
argument next in Case 20-980, the
DEFENSE’s new boyfriend versus all
the dates that didn’t work out.
Does the defense have their
opening remarks ready?

DEFENSE
Yes, thank you, your Honor.

The Defense attorney stands up and faces the jury.

DEFENSE
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury:
For as long as modern dating has
existed, straight women have
suffered from the fear of missing
out. Missing out on parties with
drugs, missing out on choking
while bumping the uglies, missing
out on mediocre quality podcasts
that are recorded in the back of
an Uber on an iPhone. Missing out
on dating just anybody. Yet they
fail to see the good in what is
right in front of them. A well-
mannered, handsome boy with a
steady job. Someone who respects
them and treasures them. Someone
who is okay at playing the guitar,
but self-aware enough to not have
a Soundcloud side-hustle. We don’t
need a Tyler, or a Conner, or even
a Chase. What we really need is
someone who is tender, educated,
and dependent. Like Ted.

Camera cuts to the man sitting next to the defense attorney. He

is sitting very still, wearing a baseball hat, which slowly
falls off his head. He doesn’t move but maintains a constant
smile.

JURY
(In unison) Aw!

JUDGE
Thank you. And now, the
prosecution has the stand.

PROSECUTION

Made in Highland
Thank you, miss honor.
 2.

JUDGE
Please don’t call me tha-

PROSECUTION
I would like to implore the
members of the jury to ask
themselves this: when was the last
time you made memories while
staying up till 3 AM, watching
videos about catching online
predators? Are you going to tell
your grandchildren about the crazy
times you had while solving a 500
piece puzzle? When you’re old and
frail, will you reminisce about
the time you once blacked out by
drinking too much coconut water?

The jury breaks out in hushed murmurs, acting offended.

PROSECUTION
What this courtroom just witnessed
was the sad reality of a mid-20s
woman accepting her bleak future
too early. Sure, she may refuse to
grow up by avoiding actual adult
responsibilities like applying for
a credit card or learning how to
drive. But that doesn’t change the
fact that she’s in her pajamas by
5:30 PM, frantically searching for
recipes involving cashews, and
using words like “ergonomics”
without knowing what they really
mean. The defense needs to step
back and have fun while she still
can. Maybe cry over some boys,
debate getting her tubes tied,
rant to her girlfriends about how
men are pigs...

PIG IN THE AUDIENCE

Hey!

PROSECUTION
Your honor, I would like to call
my first witness, Mr. Luke to the
stand.

LUKE takes a seat at the stand.

PROSECUTION
Thank you, Mr. Luke.
(MORE)

Made in Highland
 3.

PROSECUTION (CONT’D)
Will you state your name and
describe your relationship with
the DEFENSE?

LUKE
But you just said my name.

PROSECUTION
(Hastily) Just say it anyway.

LUKE
Hi, I’m Luke, and we dated briefly
for 2 months last year. She dumped
me when I yelled at her for
stepping on my shoes.

PROSECUTION
Thank you Mr. Luke. And you are
trying to break out into the music
business?

LUKE
Yes that’s right. I like to remix
songs by Lil Uzi Vert and Tyler
the Creator by speeding them up
and adding in a few gunshot
sounds. (Leans closer to the mic)
My tracks are dope.

PROSECUTION
And you are also the sole host and
producer of your podcast, (Looks
down at notes) The Kush
Evangelist?

LUKE
Ha-Ha! Appreciate the plug bro.
Yeah, it’s like a comedy podcast
where I get high and loudly argue
with people. It’s kind of like, I
don’t know if you’ve heard him,
but there’s this comedian called
Eric Andre, and basically he does
all these crazy-

PROSECUTION
Thank you, Mr. Luke. Now, going
back to when the defense
accidentally stepped on your
shoes, which resulted in the end
of your relationship. Could you
tell us what kind of shoes they
were?

Made in Highland
 4.

Luke hesitates.

MR. LUKE
Yeah, um...

PROSECUTION
It’s okay, whenever you feel
comfortable.

MR. LUKE
They were my brand new Yeezy’s.
She stepped on them with her
small, muddy shoes.

Luke aggressively points at the defense attorney. The jury

gasps in unison. The defense attorney huffs and crosses her
arms.

PROSECUTION
Thank you, Mr. Luke.

The defense questions Mr. Luke.

DEFENSE
Mr. Luke, do you remember what you
were doing the night before you
were dumped?

MR. LUKE
Ha-ha! How could I forget?

DEFENSE
Ah, yes, how could you? So could
you help me identify exhibit A?

Defense pulls up the Princess Leia slave bikini costume.

MR. LUKE
Wait, where did you get that?

DEFENSE
Never mind that. Maybe you could
read aloud this receipt from the
online retailer you purchased this
item from?

The defense attorney hands Luke a print-out. Luke moves closer

to the mic and reads it out loud.

MR. LUKE
Yes, it’s a “Space princess slave
bikini costume”.

Made in Highland
 5.

DEFENSE
And what did you do with this
costume that night?

MR. LUKE
Huh, well, I made you put it on.

DEFENSE
And could you tell the jury what
you pretended to be that night?
Were you the rebel space pilot
from the same franchise?

MR. LUKE
No, I was Jabba the-

Prosecution coughs audibly, and then wags a finger.

MR. LUKE
Right. Um. I was the Alien Slug
Slave Owner.

JURY gasps. Murmurs ensue.

JUDGE
Order, order!

DEFENSE
No further questions.
===

PROSECUTION
The Prosecution would like to
invite Mr. Paul to the stand.

Mr. Paul takes a seat at the stand.

PROSECUTION
Mr. Paul, could you briefly
summarize your relationship with
the DEFENSE?

PAUL
Yeah, it wasn’t much of a
relationship really, we just went
out one time and she never called
me back.

PROSECUTION
Is that so? And why do you think
that is?

Made in Highland
 6.

PAUL
I mean, I dunno, I thought we had
a good time. We watched TV at my
house, I let her play with my dog.
And then I played with her cat, if
you know what I mean.

PROSECUTION
(Chuckling) Well, it seems like
you certainly had a good time. And
you say that the defense didn’t
even send a thank you text?

PAUL
No, I actually didn’t hear from
her at all until I drunk-
Snapchatted her a few months ago.

Paul leans to face the Defense.

PAUL
And I know that you opened it, so,
what’s up with that?

PROSECUTION
Well, that’s certainly rude, isn’t
it? The prosecution would like to
present a photo of Mr. Paul’s pet
dog, Baxter.

Projector shows a blurry picture of a really rowdy bulldog,

with his eyes wide, in the middle of destroying a stuff toy.

PAUL
He’s a rescue, but...

PAUL wipes a tear from his eye.

PAUL
I think it’s he who rescued me.

The jury collectively swoons. The prosecution smirks at the

defense.

The Defense questions Paul

DEFENSE
The Defense would like to question
Mr. Paul, your honor.

JUDGE
Hasn’t the Defense already put
this boy through enough pain?

Made in Highland
DEFENSE ignores the JUDGE
 7.

DEFENSE
Mr.Paul, do you remember what time
you came to pick me up for our
“date”?

PROSECUTION
Objection, your honor, that’s
irrelevant.

JUDGE
Hush, boy.

PAUL
Yeah, we were going to meet at
7:30 PM.

DEFENSE
I think you misunderstood the
question, Mr. Paul. At what time
did you actually arrive?

PAUL
(Closer to the mic) 11:30 PM.

DEFENSE
11:30 PM! Let the record show that
Mr. Paul arrived 4 hours later
than planned at ELEVEN-THIRTY PEE-
EMM. By this time on most days I
have brushed my teeth, water-
flossed, exfoliated, moisturized,
AND journaled.

JUDGE
May I remind the defense that
their night-time routine is NOT on
trial here?

DEFENSE
Mr. Paul, Do you remember what
happened during, to put it
delicately, the consummation of
our relationship?

PAUL
Well, you kept wanting to kick
Baxter out of the room.

DEFENSE
And how did you respond to that
request?

Paul hesitates to answer the question.

Made in Highland
 8.

DEFENSE
Here’s a transcript of what
happened that night, maybe this
will refresh your memory?

The defense attorney hands Paul a print out. The Prosecutor

whispers to his legal aide.

PROSECUTION
Can you unplug all the printers in
the building?

Legal aide nods and quietly rushes out.

PAUL
I said, “I’m not used to
performing without him”.

JURY groans in disgust.

DEFENSE
No further questions.

The prosecutor holds his head with his hand.

Made in Highland
 9.

Gavel bangs. A montage of witnesses give their account.

WITNESS #1
I showed picture of her to my mom
before our first date.

WITNESS #2
I ghosted her on her birthday.

WITNESS #3
I took 2 smoke breaks during a 20
minute sitcom.

WITNESS #4
I drove at 90 miles per hour when
she looked visibly uncomfortable.

Gavel bangs. Show an old-school baseball scoreboard saying 12/0

in favor of the defense. The prosecution looks visibly tired.

PROSECUTION
Before we let the jury make its
final decision, I would like to
invite one more witness to the
stand.

An Indian lady with a scarf over her head and sunglasses takes
the stand. She reveals her glasses. Camera zooms to her face.

DEFENSE
Mom!

MOM
Oh, so you recognize me now? Even
with all the dust you threw in my
eyes?

DEFENSE
How did you even get here?

MOM
Wasn’t so hard! Seeing how you’ve
been taking me for a ride all this
time!

The defense looks over to the prosecution suspiciously, who is

holding a pointing stick to a board saying “LIE IDIOMS AND
PHRASES” and smiles sheepishly when caught.

MOM
So this is what is keeping you so
busy from calling me?
(MORE)

Made in Highland
 10.

MOM (CONT’D)
This is all the work you’re
putting into your application for
grad school? I told your father,
we should have never let you move
out. He is always too easy on you!
What is wrong with all the boys we
pick for you? Are you too good for
them? They are all very nice boys
with a good education and good
salaries. Not like these loafers
who will only waste your time...

The defense walks over to the plaintiff while Mom is still

ranting.

DEFENSE
Which way to the chair?

Made in Highland