Marriage of Believers

Men and women have been designed in detail by Allah to be suitable companions for
one another at both emotional and physical levels. This is truly a sign of Allah's
existence because in no way can this have come about without the intelligent design
of a creator. More elaborately, male and female variations observed at both physical
and mental levels are so intricately matched that suitable unions results in the
completion of the needs of both the man and woman, it provides complete
psychological and physiological support for one another - in essence, it completes an
individual since Allah created human beings as male and female so that an opposite
gender can complete it. Allah has truly been kind to mankind by making a man
attractive for a woman and a woman attractive for a man. Allah asks us to consider
this and asks believers to be appreciative to Him for making for them spouses for love
and support:

"One of His signs is that He created for you spouses like your selves so that
you may live with them with affection and mercy - there are signs in this for
people who reflect." (Qur'an 30:21)

This "sign" is the proof of the existence of a Creator. This is one of the biggest signs
of Allah's existence: the physical differences and the mental make-up compliment
each other like two halves of a whole, could not have come about without a Creator. A
fact which disbelievers must acknowledge and in return, think of the purpose of their
existence and submit to Allah.

Today, the word 'marriage' is used by everyone including irreligious people who are
not devoted to Allah, though it being a religious word. People get married, not
because they have strong loyalty to Allah, but because society deems it necessary to
start a family, or for other worldly reasons, even though disbelievers have no reasons
to marry by the correct religious definition of the word.

Problems in Marriages

Since people are not devoted to Allah, we see frequent cases of inharmonious
marriages where deficiencies on part of the husband or wife or both lead to quarrels,
domestic violence and even divorce. Most people however, lead a generally unsatisfied
married life, devoid of the true love Allah expects believing couples to have - even
though their relationships may appear to be harmonious. For most, marriages start off
well, but soon the feelings of attraction which seemed so strong, diminish.

'Small' misunderstandings, becoming annoyed and irritated quickly, not having the
quality to listen and being selfish for instance are all 'deficiencies' emanating from the
'general character' of a person. The 'general character' is of special importance here
and requires careful consideration. It is nothing to do with responsibilities of a
husband or a wife, but all to do with the very character of the person as a human
being which infiltrates married life. It is the character of individuals that brings down
their own marriages, or can make it grow.

The True Believer

The 'general character' of a true believer is governed completely by the best of

attributes such as compassion, mercy, forgiveness, honesty, tolerance, humbleness,
kindness, good manners - he or she is caring, considerate, patient, understanding,
loyal, trustworthy and always displays the Quranic model of conduct. This is because
from the Qur'an, we know that the believer is always sincerely trying to earn Allah's
pleasure and to earn the paradise of Allah. The true believer achieves these in their
truest senses because he or she fights all negative tendencies of one's self to develop
the best personality demonstrated in the Qur'an. Therefore, he fights the instincts that
inclines him to deficiencies in his character - for example, when he feels impatient
while listening to someone speak, he tries harder to concentrate. When he sees
someone else with more wealth than him, he remembers this world is temporary and
thus feels no jealousy. Without the drive and understanding provided by faith and the
Qur'an, disbelievers incorporate deficiencies in their character either by failing to
recognise them, or failing to overcome them. Thus, the believer carries no deficiencies
in relation to a disbeliever, as he recognises and fights all such tendencies that try to
lead him to them.

Since most people lack faith, they lack this believer model. Not trying to earn Allah's
pleasure, gaps and deficiencies within themselves, in their 'general character'
eventually manifest in their daily interaction with spouses. Problems arise and keep
growing. A bad husband for example, is usually so because his 'general character' as
an individual is not the upright one of a believer. Even if a disbeliever tries to earn
these qualities, as already stated, according to the Qur'an it is impossible to achieve
them in their fullest and truest senses without faith. Therefore, only the true believers
carry the complete upright character.

"You (believers) are the best nation ever to be produced before mankind.
You enjoin the right, forbid the wrong, and believe in Allah." (Qur'an 3:110)

Marriages between True Believers

Marriage of true believers, those who have full knowledge of the Qur'an and fear Allah
and the Last Day, is completely free of the kind of anxiety and tension common
marriages covertly develop over the course of time. The absence of the
aforementioned 'frictions' in their characters allows for an environment where love and
affection blossoms fully, unhampered. Unlike most people, the special feeling does not
last a few months or years, but grows for a whole lifetime. In a marriage, sexual
intimacy must be matched by same levels of emotional closeness for either of them to
be enjoyed to the fullest depth. Because love and affection grows unhampered for the
true believing couple, sexuality takes on a different dimension. No part of its
enjoyment is a fulfillment of only physiological needs, rather all of it becomes the
expression of love they feel for each another.

Allah describes the nearness true believers feel towards their spouses using the
following terms:

"They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them." (Qur'an 2:187)

Clothes are the closest thing to our skin. Where unrestricted affection completely
envelopes sexual closeness, believers uniquely enjoy every sexual pleasure Allah gifts
them in blissful union, in a way disbelievers do not. Sexuality, an important aspect of
their marriage develops along with their love for each other, as they learn more about
the other's body and responses. For every sexual pleasure shared, they thank Allah,
exactly as they do for other sensory delights such as taste, fragrance, etc. Being
sensitive people, there is complete understanding of each other's emotions and
feelings in giving and receiving sexual enjoyment.
"It is He who created you all from one soul, and from it made its mate so that they
may dwell with one another. Then when he covered her, she bore a light load and
carried it around. When it became heavy they called on their Lord Allah, 'If you
grant us a healthy child, we will be among the thankful!"
(Qur'an 7:189) 

During difficult times, they both employ their understanding of their purpose in life and remind
each other that this life is a test and has trials. Their faith provides them both with the strength
to be patient in trying times. During good times they thank Allah for it and are not spoilt by it.
Together, they strive to do good. They share and enjoy the finer things in life - because as true
believers, they need to be grateful to Allah for the smallest of blessings. These are some of the
attributes of every true believer in his or her daily life as shown in the Qur'an - when two such
individuals come together for marriage, they already have the strongest foundations as
individuals for a happy and fulfilling marriage together. In the love and companionship between
them, the Qur'an plays a pivotal role. It is the focal point from which they take their direction,
inspiration and guidance.

True Believing couples enjoy sharing their Quranic wisdom between them, asking each other of
their valued opinion to come to mutual agreements on how to follow the Qur'an best. This
interaction and intimate trust in each other with Allah's Book increases their deep love and
devotion towards each other, bringing them even closer on both emotional and physical levels.

Allah confirms that only true believers are deserving of true believers as spouses. A
disbeliever, cannot deserve the qualities of a believer when he or she has none of
these qualities in him or herself, nor can he or she offer them even if they wanted to:

"[Believing men], Do not marry women of the idolaters until they believe. A
slave girl who is one of the believers is better for you than a woman of the
idolaters, even though she may attract you. [Believing women], Do not
marry men of the idolaters until they believe, a male slave who is one of the
believers is better for you than a man of the idolaters, even though he may
attract you. Such people call you to the Fire whereas Allah calls you, by His
leave, to the Garden and forgiveness. He makes His verses clear to people
so that they may pay heed." (Qur'an 2:221) 

"Corrupt women are for corrupt men, and corrupt men are for corrupt
women. The upright women are for upright men and the upright men are
for upright women. The good are innocent of what has been said against
them; they will have forgiveness and a generous provision." (Qur'an 24:26)

This however, does not mean all believers will find believers as spouses in this world,
only that they 'deserve' true believers. As part of Allah's testing in this world, it may
be that a true believer is made to experience a less than ideal spouse - or a
disbeliever, as was the case with Pharaoh's wife who was a true believer, married to
Pharaoh, one of earth's biggest corruptors (66:11). Allah has made a way out for
problematic marriages by describing the process of divorce in detail in the Qur'an.

Children

Children need both a [female] mother and a [male] father figure, for healthy
upbringing - this is another reason why Allah created human beings in two genders. In
the disbelieving world, men do not hold any responsibility over children born out of
approaching women. Yet, in the Qur'an, in every way possible Allah ties responsibity
onto the male for the children born from him - such as the financial responsibility over
his children after divorce, even if they are being looked after by another woman
(65:6). In the case of the ideal case of two true believing husband and wife, rearing
their own children together, they assist each other in fulfilling the others duty as a
mother or father. Children grow up in the presence of two strong characters, seeing
only love, happiness, bliss, and best of characters and morals in their parents.

"Men are to support women by what they spend out of their wealth as Allah
has bestowed one over another (in different areas)." (Qur'an 4:34)

Believers see their children as a means of being grateful to Allah ("...how can they
believe in falsehood and refuse to acknowledge Allah's blessings?" -16:72)
and as a test of their ability to give them good upbringing. They do not attach
themselves to them over their desire for the Hereafter:

"Know that your wealth and children are a test and that there is an
immense reward with Allah." (Qur'an 8:28)

The true believing husband and wife enjoy raising their children together, knowing
they are earning Allah's good pleasure and Paradise in the Hereafter.
 Despite popular belief, the Qur'an does not encourage having own children. Allah reveals
that having children is not what draws one near to Allah in anyway or gives reward:

"Neither your wealth nor your children will bring you near to Us, but those who
believe and do good deeds will have multiple rewards for what they have done,
and will live securely in lofty halls." (Qur'an 34:37)

"Wealth and children are the attractions of the life of this world. But the good
deeds which endure are better in your Lord's sight and better in respect of hope."
(Qur'an 18:46)

On the contrary, what is truly rewarding and highly acclaimed in the Qur'an is raising an
orphan child - a selfless act where no personal stakes are involved. And to this, Allah
dedicates many verses - encouraging the raising of orphans and ensuring the protection of
their inherited wealth and identity. Note that those children not orphaned but in situations
where their parents are incapable of looking after them, they are just like orphans in need
of care.

From the QuranicPath Article:   Is Having More Children Islamic?

Those believers who are single and cannot find a suitable spouse, Allah advises them
in the following verse: "Those who are not able to find marriage [partners]
should keep chaste until Allah enriches them out of His bounty." (Qur'an
24:33)

And those whom Allah has found them marriageable prospects, need not let financial
matters hinder them from getting married:

"Marry those who are single among you, including the righteous ones from
your male and female servants; if they are poor, Allah will enrich them out
of His bounty. Allah is all-encompassing in knowledge." (Qur'an 24:32)

To conclude, what causes 'bad' marriages most of the time are actually the innate
character of the human first before taking the role of a husband or wife. With the
most upright characters, the believing husband and wife have the supreme Quranic
qualities that are necessary for a satisfying and harmonious marriage where love
blossoms unhampered.
Marriage is a religious concept where believing couples form a relationship in the sight
of Allah with full appreciation that they are about to enjoy a tremendous blessing of
Allah, and thus take complete responsibility in the nurturing and growth of the new
relationship. Unlike irreligious people, believers in the Qur'an marry and form the
subsequent relationship grounded on their strong love for Allah and devotion to Him
and they reflect this strength in their love, affection and loyalty to their spouses
through out their lives - they love and are loved in a way disbelievers do not. By
enjoying this blessing uniquely in this world, they are further rewarded in the
Hereafter eternally for their appreciation and surrender.

"Gardens of perpetual bliss: they shall enter there, as well as the righteous
among their fathers, their spouses, and their offspring: and angels shall
enter unto them from every gate." (Qur'an 13:23)