Creep

by Merlyn Sheldon

Dedicated to: You

1
Youre sitting on your favorite chair, feet reclined as the days aches leave your body. In an instant, your moment of serenity is interrupted by a brief but effective flash of your ex-girlfriends face. As memories auto-shuffle through your brain, you attempt to distract yourself. The television flashes with each push of the button, but your mind stays on her. Passionate and enthralling sex. An argument over dinner plates. A step-ladder that when unfolded, extends to the height of the ceiling. Sweaty bodies pushing into each other, orgasms echoing through your cerebellum.

A miracle liquid that is guaranteed by the manufacturer to resolve any stain for up to one year. A romantic surprise dinner, candles lighting only the fairest of details of her face in this purposefully dim room. A beautiful waterfall that serves as a definitive icon of ever-flowing love between the two people that stand above it. A dozen or so people died in a horrible car accident along the Pennsylvania turnpike. Two adults exchanging glances and flirting with their eyes from across the room. Jealous words being hurled at a loved one at a time of the night when most people are sleeping. A house on some back road in the middle of nowhere is burning down, the flames exhaling black smoke voraciously as the sky receives the embers of a past life. Thats enough.

You stand to exit the room, grabbing a pack of cigarettes. A melody strikes your head, a melody of a song you both loved. As the end of the cigarette lights up on each puff, you realize that you yourself are burning away. You are the defective product being sold on commercial advertisements. You are the horrible car accident that most will slowly drive past, so as not to miss the potential bloodshed and yet fast enough so as to avoid any personal confrontation. You are the symbol of stability and welcome hospitality that now spends its time burning to the ground. You are the cheap, god-awful scent of regret. You are broken now, and soon you will be nothing.

2
A young man is pacing his somewhat elegant room, amidst his

trash and his unkempt personal belongings. Heavy breaths exhaust the mans body, as does each inhale of tobacco. His mannerisms similar to a miserable tiger whose power is confined to a tiny shell of a cage from a zoo. A camera, forgotten by the caged mess of a man pacing in circles, records every physical detail of his mental breakdown. Tyler, come down to eat. Says a female voice from outside of the room. This merely serves as a reminder of his inadequacy. Another puff. Two lovers smile as they look over the balcony to the Pacific Ocean. Holding each other as the sun settles behind the water, this moment belongs to the annals of the hippocampus. Deep exhale. Stressed out and becoming delusional, Tyler takes one more puff of the medicinal nicotine and then stamps out the fire in his ashtray. A

mess of over-flowing cigarette butts in the glass tray now gains mass. Making his way out of the room, the cameras built-in microphone captures the sounds of hurried footsteps down a flight of stairs. Soon after, the sounds of a fight from downstairs can be heard. A womans voice defends meatloaf for dinner, while an irate and emotional male voice declares a strong distaste for the choice of a meal. The camera upstairs slowly shuts itself down as the power is drained from its internal battery supply.

3
Propping up the camera in front of himself, Tyler sits at his computer desk. Breathing heavy and visually nervous, the repetitively rehearsed lines come out quickly and shakily. Hello to all of you out there! My name is Tyler Burgess, Im 21 years old. I play guitar, mostly rock guitar. Someday I would like to be in a band

and play shows across the world! I also like to play video games! My favorite game is Call of Duty. I really like to learn new things, and someday I would like to travel more. I currently work in a warehouse that ships food items to grocery stores. And I came to this site hoping to find somebody I could spend the rest of my life with. Im an easy-going guy, I love to laugh. I would like to find somebody who has similar interests as me. I like to be romantic, I love making a women smile. So thats my intro, and if you are interested send me a message and we can get to know each other better. Hope to hear from that special someone soon. He rushes and fidgets to turn the camera off.

4
You are in your car, on your way to your menial, meaningless excuse of a career. Your dreams are crushed

under the burden of your necessities. Your labor is no longer a means to an end, but simply the end. You roll the window down. Youre a warehouse worker. Who would want to be with some lowly, poorly educated and frankly, unattractive warehouse worker? Her face stretches to express pure joy as an anonymous villain traces her body with his fingers. You turn on the radio, hoping to hear a good song to carry your busy mind off until you arrive at your destination. It will take a lot more than words and guns sings the enchanting duet over the radio. Hands clasped tightly together, sitting close as you both recall the constellations in the stars. Your fingers grasp the steering wheel harder as you try to carry on through the memories.

a whole lot more than riches and muscle. A young women finally hugs her boyfriend after his four-year tenure in the military, as you hold her in your arms sharing popcorn. The hands of the many must join as one Shes wearing sexy black lingerie as she sings Happy Birthday to you. Her eyes exhibit pure, love-fueled lust. and together well cross the river This song belongs in the shelving of your amygdala.

5
Tyler props his camera up on the corner of his desk and logs into his computer. He is preparing to record another video monologue, when he notices a tiny red icon pop up in the corner of his monitor. Its a new email from the dating website.

As he hastily navigates his way to read the message through a series of clicks and finger-tapping the password, his excitement grows visibly on camera. While the message is opening, he looks to the camera and debates shutting it off. A picture of a young and very beautiful brunette distracts his attention from the camera, as he begins to mumble the words of his new message. Hey sexy, just saw your videowondering if you wanted to chatlive really close togetherhope to hear from you soon! An excited hand smacks the table rejoicing the moment. A smile overwhelms Tylers face as he continues to reply to the message. Just then, an instant message pops up in the middle of the screen. Its the girl who responded to his first video. Tyler grabs the camera and aims it at the computer monitor.

So this is who responded to my video! Maybe Im not so bad looking after all huh? Shes absolutely stunning! Next to the picture of the absolutely stunning brunette doing her best to imitate every model in every magazine ad, the words Hey there Cutie! flash in red. Tyler puts the camera down and begins to reply to her. He proceeds to spend the next couple of minutes getting to know this girl, before she directs him to another dating website. You have to pay to use it, but that is how you know youre getting the real deal! Come check out my profile here instead, look at my pictures ;) she says. The thrill of finally finding somebody to talk to, let alone a very pretty girl, over rides his common sense as he pulls out his wallet and enters his credit card information.

It is so nice to meet you Allison, I have been so very lonely. See I dont really have a lot of friends, everyone thinks Im weird because Im quiet. But you seem to like that! And I really feel good about this. :) he types to her. Did you finish registering yet? Just one minute. Well hey, I gotta get off here. But look through my pictures and tell me what you think. Talk to me through this website only. Ok sexy stud? ;p A confident smile replaces his pessimistic demeanor as his shoulders straighten in his chair. Will we talk again? I would really like to talk to you more! The gorgeous brunette logs off. Taken back at first, Tyler assumes she is busy at work or something, and shrugs it off. He enters the security code on the back of his credit card, and hits Enter. 19.99 a month seems rather expensive for a social networking site,

but if this is how he can get in touch with Allison again, it is worth it. She is simply amazing. Just the brief conversation with her filled his heart and his head with joy for the first time in several long, pain-staking months. As he looks through the pictures she has posted on her site, he cannot believe how such a beautiful young women could be interested in him. Her body is flawless, her skin is perfect, everything about her seems absolutely divine. Tyler spends several hours perusing the young girls website, looking through the numerous pictures of her. Some of them with clothes, some of them without clothes. He reads through her short biography, and the details she has opted to share. She is 23, about 59, and she likes to workout. The monitor says she likes to jog outside, because she likes the scenery. It also says she likes rock music, and has a thing for musicians.

Images of Allison in a wedding gown flash rapidly. Allison is breathing heavy, punctuating the pounding of flesh on flesh. Tyler is caught off guard for a moment, and looks around the room. He puts the computer to sleep, and decides to smoke a cigarette before going to bed.

6
High-end forks clang against the plates as you and your familys faces hover over the table. Like pigs in a trough, no words are heard, just sounds of chewing and swallowing. The sounds make you sick. You begin to loathe your stepfather for the way he breaths while he eats his food. And your brother chews with his mouth open. Between every disgusting circular motion of his jaws

you see bits and pieces of a baked potato being broken down. Your mother attempts to talk to you. You hate the way her voice sounds. Every time her lips move you hear nails on a chalkboard. The clanging of metal on metal increases more and more. You are somewhere else now. You are in a hotel room with Allison, her eyes beckon you to the bed. As you kiss her intensely, you are unbuttoning her bra. How was work today hunny? A train grinding to a halt annoys your eardrums. Your ex looks directly at you as some other man has her bent over the dinner table. You think to yourself, My family eats here you slut! Sweetie, whats wrong with you? Are you OK? Allison cuddles next to you, begging for you to keep her warm in bed. As

the two of you sit and stare at the ceiling together, you exchange stories of your past. You are the disposable trash bag, filled to the brim with junk that nobody cares for anymore. You are the loner that everyone makes fun of for being holed up in your room. You are the moron who still lives with his parents. Hey god damnit! Your mother asked you a question! yells your stepfather. His voice punches you in the ears. Im sorry, Im not feeling good. Im going to bed. You are the faggot who cannot get a girlfriend. You are the timid piece of shit that needs to work on his self-confidence. Your ex can do better. This is a nagging pain in your Rostral Anterior Cingulate Cortex.

7
Rushing to his computer, Tyler sets his camera up again. As he looks at the lens of the camera, his feet are tapping the floor. The red light means its recording. Hey Allison! I just wanted to send you a private video message! I, uh, I have something I want to show you. I wrote you a song! Well, Im writing you a song. I have the guitar part done though, and I wanted to play it for you. So Im gonna get set up, and then Ill show you what I have. He quickly grabs his sleek black guitar. An old friend had given this to him a long time ago, and it quickly became his favorite guitar. It has fholes in the shape of knives, and a toggle switch to change pickups. As he counts himself in, he begins to play a song in the key of D. Tyler doesnt know it is in the key of D minor, he just likes the way it sounds.

Playing without a rhythm section or a drummer, he is playing from pure feel. The chord changes inadvertently represent Tylers dreary point of view in life, but then come together at the end, presenting the listener with an optimistic position. It is as if his finding hope in life in Allison is being translated to musical notes. When the song is complete, Tylers face blushes as he is afraid to look at the camera. Well Allison, I hope you liked it! Maybe someday I could play for you in person, or maybe you could come see me play live in front of a big crowd somewhere! You would get backstage tickets if I ever play live. Hope to hear from you soon! Tyler reaches over and shuts off the camera. Still shaking from anxiety, he turns to face his computer. He logs in to the site he is paying for to talk to Allison. After hooking up his camera to his

computer, he sends her the video of him playing the guitar. He also sends her some virtual flowers, which cost him .99 cents of real money.

8
He saw her today. When he went out to get a nice shirt to wear during his next video message, he saw her on the other side of the mall. She was with her friends, laughing and smiling as they walked through the mall. He hid away in some teenage apparel outlet store, waiting for them to pass him by. As he walked behind them several dozen feet, Tyler tried to remain inconspicuous. He was keeping a constant watch on her as she browsed through some of the stores. She was still as beautiful as ever. Wearing a tank top and jeans that fit her body tightly, she looked through the assortment of underwear at the lingerie store. He sees her flirt with

the man behind the counter at the fruit smoothie store. His mind and his blood pressure are racing each other. Hellish and deranged versions of his memory of their relationship blur in his head. He must remain calm in public. Dont even worry about it, he tells himself. Things are working out great with Allison. Vanessa is old news. echoes in his head. A king size bed can comfortably fit two lovers, or one miserable, lonely loser. She puts on her sunglasses as she walks out the door. Tyler loses her in the overwhelmingly bright rays of the sun.

9
You are speeding in a 2-ton vehicle. Your life is a drug-out, on-coming collision.

People will watch. People will drive past to see the damage youve done. But nobody will stop to see if you are ok. You were probably high and you deserved this horrible accident. The day you two met will never be forgotten. It was truly love at first sight. Something about her eyes just demanded your attention. She is making you dinner while you relax with your feet propped up on the table. Your favorite tv show is on as she is preparing you a wonderful homemade lasagna. You kiss her neck passionately while she unbuttons your pants. You grab her hair and pull her head to the side, allowing yourself full access to her neck. The guard rail on the highway is dented, and you wake up to a face full of airbag. Honking cars pass you at 65-mph while your brain tries to piece together what is going on.

Your right shoulder feels slightly out of place. Your first date with her is out seeing some new romance movie. You put your arm around her during the movie, and when you drop her off, your lips meet for your first kiss. There is blood oozing from your head, and you begin to feel lightheaded. Men with white coats stand over you, each assessing you, each taking their turn on you, judging you. You belong to be in a loony bin you emotional psycho! You are the bloodstain on the highway that will never come off. You are merely a statistic for a Buckle Your Seatbelt campaign. This is what your hypothalamus failing you feels like.

10
Tyler has spent several hours waiting at his computer for Allison to

log on. He has not talked to her since that first time, and he is starting to get worried. Just when Tylers frustration is about to break and force him to log off, her icon pops up in the corner of his computer. Tyler is quick to respond. Hey there beautiful! Did you get my message? :) Several seconds, each one feeling like an hour, pass by before she answers his message. Oh hey cutie! I did get it, would you like me to send you a video? Does she play an instrument as well? Tyler weighs out the options of what her video will be before replying with an emphatic Yes! The anticipation builds before another notification icon appears. This one directs him to his inbox, where there is a message from Allison. As he opens the video, he turns the volume up on his computer. This is quickly made into a regret when the

video starts with a flash of Allisons naked body. And how old are you young lady? says a man off camera. 19 says a cutesy innocent-looking female. A flash of violent sex in an apartment accompanies a scream for god. And what are your hobbies? As she replies, Tylers world goes dark. Astounded as to why she would send this video to him, it begins to bring back horrible memories. Allisons face quickly changes to Vanessas. Her eyes pierce through Tylers heart, leaving him stunned. Quickly realizing the direction of the path he is seeing, he hastily closes the media players window. Behind that is a message from Allison. Wanna see more. ;) Check out my website! Left without a response, Tyler shuts his computer off.

11 Tyler spits toothpaste into the sink, and cleans his face of any leftover. Turning the light off in the bathroom, he makes his way back to his bedroom. Lock the door. Emptying his pockets and putting change into a glass jar, he begins to talk aloud. I started using that camera you bought me baby. he says as he closes the jar. I love the camera, best present ever sweetie. he exclaims as he leans down and kisses his pillow. I thought about you all day at work Vanessa! This sort of behavior has become a new habit. Oh shush baby girl, you know I did! It started out as pretending he had company, and quickly turned into something ritual and habitual.

Well, Im ready for bed how about you? The pillows do not answer him, so he assumes this is a Yes Im Ready for bed from Vanessa. Lights off. Goodnight mi amore he says, spooning the pillow and kissing its neck goodnight. goodnight mi amore says the cotton inside. You must understand, these sorts of things just sort of escalate. Or descend. Depending on which side your standing on. He whispers sweet nothings to the ear of his make-shift lover, and giggles himself to sleep. 12 You walk into an entertainment store.

You see the teenage wet dream, pale-skinned and fruity little smile and all. And you imagine banging his face repeatedly into a desk. A female scream is heard. You imagine his perfect little face, all bruised up and out of symmetrical alignment. A smoking gun being held by a familiar looking female, the kitchen countertops as a backdrop to your finale. You imagine teeth missing, eyes swollen shut, expensive medical bills. A young boy, standing in front of a bathroom sink and looking into the mirror, pops a pill into his mouth and swallows it with water. The ridiculously cheery christmas music makes you wish the movie imitation sword were real. Maybe jamming it far enough into your ears would make it sound better.

You imagine the primary fantasy of every girl in an age group far too young for you, him and all of his makeup and his movies, laid out before you unconscious and barely recognizable. This is your ego in a circus mirror. This is your id on a cruise south of the border. You hold a defeated kid-friendly icon by his hair, before you make him bite the curb. He represents everything you are not. He represents everything you wish you could be. His make-up runs as the tears roll down his cheeks. His tongue tastes cement. It is only natural to fear the unknown. If you dont understand something, kill it. The sound of skull shattering into itself as teeth grind against concrete is a once in a lifetime experience.

13
Sitting in the parking lot of the mall, Tyler is finishing his cigarette before entering. As he smokes, he remembers he had brought his camera with him. He pulls out the hand-held machine and decides to aim it out the window. People are passing by on the sidewalk, all in a hurry to get to their shopping destination. Teenage girls walk away from the mall, each holding a bag in both hands. An older couple slowly but steadily heads towards the entrance, while a group of young kids run around them chasing after each other. All of them completely oblivious to being caught on camera. An exhilarating feeling passes through Tylers body. As he films more and more people walking in and out, the sense of unknown power begins to take over. He likes the feeling of

capturing every candid moment without anybody realizing what he is doing. Occasionally tailing off and following random women walking in and out, he stays in his car and captures footage. As each passing beauty carries on in their daily routine, Tyler watches and films it all. He sees women talking on cell phones, holding children, adjusting their jewelry, checking the time, every menial little task increases Tylers desire. One of the women is particularly attractive to Tyler. She stands outside the mall and smokes a cigarette as she holds a conversation on her cell phone. She seems agitated, and every sentence she starts gets left incomplete. Throwing her cigarette to the curb, she shoves her cell phone into her pocket and heads towards Tyler. Her eyes stay focused to the ground, while Tyler starts his car.

As she pulls out of the parking lot, Tyler follows her. She is speeding and careening down the roads, but Tyler manages to keep pace behind her. Her VW comes to a stop outside of a trailer park complex. A thug-looking teenager wearing a white-beater and his Polo hat backwards is leaning against the sign for the trailer park. He limps his way to the passenger side door of the red VW, one arm swinging back and forth, the other holding his pants. As soon as he sits down in the seat, the VW peels away from the curb and speeds down the highway. Staying a car or two behind her, Tyler contemplates what could be going on. Is that her boyfriend? Are they arguing? A not-so-good friend perhaps? The young ladys car parks outside of a nice, cookie-cutter home in a villa. The driver and the passenger get out of the vehicle and move briskly towards

the door. Arguing and yelling the whole time, the front door slams shut behind them as Tyler drives off and heads home.

14
After watching the footage from the mall and following the young girl repeatedly, Tyler decides to make this a hobby. He liked the thrill of watching these random moments over and over again. He starts by going once a week, then twice a week. Eventually, he starts going every day after work. Sometimes he just stays at the mall, and other times he follows the most beautiful girl he finds. Sometimes he follows them to their houses, sometimes to a gas station or a bar. One girl he followed headed directly to a sex toy store. When he watches the videos he accumulates, he gets a feeling of closeness and intimacy with these girls

who would otherwise have no part in his life. Every single girl he follows he considers far too out of his league. Sometimes he thinks about talking to them, but when he runs the conversation through his head it always ends badly. Hi there! My names Tyler, whats yours. Yea I live with my parents. Yea I make 8.50 an hour. Every option ends in a disgusted reaction. I play guitar! I have three cats. I collect vintage pins. The videos are about as close as he will ever get, and he is ok with that fact.

15
The computer monitor is the only light source in a smoky room. A young man, desperately needing help, sits leaning into the monitor, the mouse in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

Ignorant women carry on their daily lives while some pervert pretends to be dating them with a camera. Vanessa is laughing with her friends as a male stripper entertains their simple minds. Allison is taking cash from some well-dressed business man while she unbuttons her blouse. The blonde girl walking out of the mall entrance is wearing a wedding ring, while the man she is holding hands with is not. Are you aware it is illegal to film people without their consent Mr.Burgess? says some judge who is unaware of how much the young man before him needs this. An unattended cigarette falls from the ashtray and continues to burn through the desk. Allison and Vanessa are wearing sexy lingerie, giggling and laughing on a bed.

A few drops of blood quickly become a pool as the crying turns into a soft whimper. Your neighbor and Vanessa are laughing at your expense as they take each others clothes off. The brunette is putting a dollar into a vending machine so that her young son can fix his thirst problem. The computer monitor quickly becomes a blazing fire, and with it all of the memories and every unsuspecting girlfriend. Allison and Vanessas lips meet, hands tracing the shape of each others tender bodies. A young man is now forced to deal with a dead woman's body lying on the floor in someones kitchen.

16
After just getting off from work, Tyler decides to get something to eat before heading to the mall parking lot. Pulling into the nearest fast-food

drive-thru, he places his order and pulls up to the window. Seven Dollars and Fifty One Cents please. Says Vanessa. Confused and bewildered, Tyler does a double take. Is it really her? Tyler says the pretty young girl working the fast-food window, before Tyler responds with burning rubber out of the parking lot. The emotions and the anger rush him quickly, not allowing him to think sensibly. It feels like somebody twisted the knife in his back. Other cars honk as a manic bipolar patient drives recklessly towards the mall. Why is this happening to me?! he yells in his car. As he punches the dashboard, the speed of the car increases. Ive been getting better, why does this have to happen?! the last sentence started as a heavy statement, and ended as a scream.

His car swerves into the mall parking lot. As he parks, the rest of the emotions slam Tyler further below ground level. He begins to weep and cry in the driver seat, his face pressed into his hands, crouched into the steering wheel. Mental images flash rapidly through Tylers mind, as he struggles to cope with what is almost post-traumatic stress disorder. His occipital cortex is now rendered useless. After several minutes of heavy crying in the drivers seat, he searches the passenger seat for his cigarettes to no avail. He checks in the glove compartment, and finds them behind his camera. Might as well grab both of them. Maybe this will help he says aloud to himself. Suddenly the thrill of watching the random women enter and exit the mall is gone. He films a few different girls for several minutes before deciding he

is bored with it. Then he has an idea that seems to make up for it. Pulling out of the parking lot, an emotionally disturbed driver makes a beeline for Vanessas fast-food workplace. He waits there for several hours, smoking cigarettes and listening to music until finally Vanessa leaves for the night. It is dark, and she does not realize that she is being followed.

17
Tyler follows Vanessa back to her house. When she turns into her driveway, Tyler finds a place to park down the street. Watching as the lights go on in her living room, he still remembers the outlay of her house. Then her bedroom lights turn on, and after a few minutes, are turned back off. After about an hour, all of the lights in the house turn off. His common sense is still absent after the previous

mental breakdown, Tyler decides to try something new. After exiting his vehicle, he puts his hood up and walks towards Vanessas house. Remembering instinctively which room she sleeps in, he makes his way to that window. Lucky for him, the blind is cracked just a little bit, enough for Tyler to get a nice view of the room. As he peeks in through the window, he sees her sleeping alone in bed. Watching her toss and turn in bed, his hand grabs for the camera and gets ready to record. To Tyler, this is the same as being in that bed with her again. The adrenaline rush of watching and filming her sleep, is the same rush he had holding her in his arms every night. Fond memories of brushing her hair to the side while she rested her head on his chest and all of the latenight giggle-filled conversations replace the crazed manic feelings from earlier. This feels right to him.

As he leaves the window, he whispers, Goodnight Vanessa, I love you.

18
You're standing on the street, watching two gangsters beat each other senseless. You feel no remorse for either fighter; you only seek to watch the violence. The static from the television blankets the room in a strange, yet relaxing sense of being somewhere familiar. Some blank-faced curly haired brunette woman appears and begins to tell you how many people died in some country on the other side of the world. The taller man wearing the gray shirt with a cursive-written logo on the front falls to the ground, yelling Fuck you on the way down. People are wearing pink clothes as a tribute to breast cancer month.

Because wearing color coordinated clothing solves cancer. A child was kidnapped today in the city, parents and police are searching desperately for the young boy. A fist connects to the side of the gangsters face, as curse words are inexplicably thrown back and forth. A fire burned down an apartment complex over the weekend, but nobody was severely hurt. You are no better than the Neanderthals bashing it out in the street. You wear the same clothes as everybody else, hoping to blend into the crowd unseen. You may as well have started the fire yourself you piece of shit. You nod your head when you are supposed to, and you never question a thing. The absence of doing the right thing is just as bad as committing the act.

You are the one who deserves to be left on the sidewalk, blood pouring from your mouth as your opponent kicks your ribs until they break. You want cancer because you want the attention. You thrive on pity. You fish for compliments. You beg for handouts. Keep on fishing you pathetic moron. Your frontal lobe is now useless. 19 Watching the videos of Vanessas house, Tyler mutes the computer, so he can no longer hear himself breathing. As the video plays, his head is filled with a sense of calm serenity. Taking him back to what he thinks are the good old days. Tyler honey, come down to eat. Yells his mothers voice from downstairs. In the kitchen, the smell of homemade lasagna has filled the room.

So why were you home so late last night? Did you work some overtime? asks his mom, making the final preparations for dinner. No, I was, uh, visiting with my girlfriend. He stutters in response. I thought you guys broke up? she says, taking her face away from the food to look at him. Oh, no, this is a new girl! Her name is Allison he rushes to fill the blanks of his lie. Thats great honey! Im happy for you! When do I get to meet her? Is she cute? says a voice filled with a hopeful outlook. Well, shes very shy I can see why you two get along then. Her comment interrupts the silence of Tylers illusion. So how did you meet her? She continues. A friend of mine at work introduced me to her. He says as he grabs a glass and fills it with milk.

Oh thats great Tyler. Im so happy for you. No wonder youve been out of the house so much lately. You should invite her over to dinner sometime. She says, unaware that Tyler doesnt really have any friends. That would be nice. The plates are placed in front of four empty chairs, as the room fills up with the family. Tyler hears a ticking in his head, which is soon replaced by the sounds of metal forks banging against dinner plates. He closes his eyes briefly and tries to block it out. So how is work going? his stepfather asks. This is followed by a gross, pig-like exhale. Its ok, we have been busy Tylers voice trails off as his brothers chewing overrides his response. Tylers got a new girlfriend Randy! says his mother.

He hears brakes squealing before a horrible car accident. Oh really son?! Does she have her own place you can move into? his sarcasm is denoted by disgusting patterns of breathing. The sounds of forks and knives and the breathing of swine join with the sounds of metal scraping against metal and lasagna being chewed to pieces to form a horrible dinner-time cacophony. Tyler suddenly feels the urge to leave as images of Vanessa enter his mind. Im not really hungry right now, can I put this in the fridge and eat it later? he asks as he stands up from the table. Yea sure, thats fine dear. His mother says as she shoots her husband a dirty look. Ill be right back says Tyler, finding his keys in his pocket and making his way towards the door.

20
Outside of Vanessas house, there is a new car parked next to hers. Tyler is in his drivers seat, shaking with camera in hand. This must be her new boyfriend, he thinks. This must be the asshole who took her from him. As the cigarette burns down to the filter, Tyler builds up the courage to repeat his last venture outside of her window. Just as he is about to get out of his car, he sees her front door open. The tall man from the smoothie store in the mall walks out and quickly turns around. The two make small talk, and then he leans in to kiss her and makes his way towards the car. Tyler is suddenly overflowing with jealous hatred. His possessive instincts to beat this man to death are only made ignorable by another cigarette. The asshole gets into his car, and drives off down the road. Very shortly after, all of the lights in the house go

off. She must be getting ready to go to sleep. Tyler prepares himself as he gets ready to connect with her one more time. The door of his beat-up Oldsmobile swing open slowly, creaking at its extended position. Tyler eagerly steps out, camera ready as he makes his way towards her house. He looks around in the dark, most of the houses also have their lights off. He crouches behind bushes and heads towards her bedroom window. When he approaches her window, he looks in first before recording. The light from the kitchen cracks in through the door, lighting her sleeping body. His eyes start at her feet, and follow her legs up to her breasts and ending at her face. Sleeping in her bra and panties, she is completely unaware of his presence. Record.

After a few minutes of recording her toss and turn in her sleep, his mind begins to wander. The countless nights the two had spent holding each other in that very bed, recounting the memories of the day and making each other laugh. Telling stories of their history and exchanging awkward moments as children. Exposing deep secrets about each others sexual fantasies. His mind flashes him an image of her on top of him, rapidly reaching sexual climax. He snaps out of it, and looks around the yard. He notices a window is cracked slightly open in the kitchen. Taking the camera out of recording mode, he walks over to the window. The open window gives Tyler an idea, as he begins to push it up just a little more. Looking around one more time, he reaches his leg up and begins to climb into the window.

Once inside, more memories strike his now excited brain. He is making her dinner for a special occasion. To show her how much he loves her and appreciates her. Slowly stepping towards her door, he pulls the camera out again. Hitting record, he reaches the door to her room and pushes the camera in without touching the door. He can see her sound asleep through the cameras monitor. Seconds go by like this, with each one his breath getting heavier and heavier. What do you mean you are breaking up with me? says a heartbroken Tyler. Look, I cannot deal with it anymore. You have severe psychological issues! You need help! she says, visibly exhausted. I will get help, I promise. I ju

Youve been saying that Tyler! But you havent yet! And now I have to prepare for college. I have a life too you know! And I cant be taking care of myself and your loony ass at the same time. I will get better, I promise! I just dont want to go through it alone! I want you to be there for me when I get better! I want to be with you! Really Tyler?! Just a few hours ago you wanted nothing to do with me, and now when Im kicking you out, you want to be with me? You know how I get baby! You know I say things I dont mean when Im upset. Thats enough. Just get your stuff and get out of my house. And go see a therapist. For yourself, not for me. Well, Im sorry were not all perfect like you Tyler says sarcastically, now being consumed with anger.

Well Im sorry were not all as emotional as you. Snapping back to reality, Tyler realizes he has made his way further into her room. He is now standing at the foot of her bed, and she is still completely asleep. That night when they broke up was the last time he had been here. That was three months ago, and he can still remember it vividly. Turning the camera off, he makes his way back out of the house the same way he came in, walking on the tips of his toes so as not to make any noise.

21
A sudden rush of panic consumes you. You are standing amidst what will soon be a crime soon. A still, unmoving female body lies beneath you, surrounded in blood.

You waste an afternoon sitting in front of a television, flipping through commercials. Your co-workers are taking turns on your ex-girlfriend, and you feel the urge to beat every single one of them senseless for having their way with a woman they have never met. The knife in your hand is covered in blood. Your medulla oblongata thrusts you towards murder. Police officers surround you, demanding you drop the weapon and step away from the body. This is your girl, you tell them. You love her. There is some new flu out that is infecting millions of people, says the man behind the desk on the television. Pale and still, maybe it is now too late for apologies. Tears make your vision blurry as you struggle to make out who is

making out with whom on the computer monitor in front of you. You only wanted to be with her, and now look at what she has forced you to do. You dont remember what happened, it all went so quickly you barely had a chance to think about it. A lovely shade of blue, she is still as beautiful as ever.

22
Tyler is watching his video collection of a sleeping Vanessa at one o'clock in the morning. He watches the footage repeatedly, fighting to hold back tears. He thinks about all of their time together, how he could have treated her better. Watching her sleep reminds him of when he lived with her, when they would wake up together and make breakfast. They would take long drives to nowhere, just to spend time with each other. It meant something to her at one point, and

soon it meant nothing to her. But it still meant the world to him. He would give anything to have it back. She demanded he see a psychiatrist. She had told him she would stay by his side, but felt like he was bi-polar. He was, but he did not know it himself. She had said she would go to the psychiatrist with him, but when he failed to schedule the appointment, this caused another fight. Truth was, Tyler was scared. Scared to admit he had a problem, scared to come to terms with his inadequacy. Even with her by his side, he had constant nagging thoughts in his head and a bad feeling in his gut telling him something was coming. Something he would not like. Something that would throw him over the edge.

When she left him, he became unable to focus on even simple daily tasks. His day job was soon lost due to his negligence at work. His carelessness cost him his job, his health insurance, and ultimately his psychiatrist. She didnt even call to see if he was ok. With few friends to talk to for help, Tyler soon fell into a vicious cycle of self-pity and self-loathing. Guilt drove him to madness on a daily basis, interrupting everything from his sleep schedule to his meal intake. Tyler had finally come to terms with having a serious mental health issue, and finally sought to get help for it. At the hopes that one day Vanessa would come back to him, him being a better, more mentally stable person. But without health insurance, nobody wanted to help him. Without a job, he didnt have money to pay for the ones who didnt need insurance.

A temp agency found him the job he began to loathe. He called off numerous days in his short time there. But none of that mattered. Tyler felt like he could make himself better. For Vanessa, he could do anything. Maybe shes waiting for me to get better, he would tell himself. Maybe if I become a stronger individual capable of taking care of myself, and being properly medicated, she will take me back, and we can go back to the way we were supposed to be. These are Tylers delusions that he lives by.

23
Just before exiting the warehouse, Tylers manager approaches him. Tyler, we need to talk. Says the short, burly man wearing khakis and a sports jacket. Look, Ill just get straight to the point. Your attendance is deplorable. Youve been past the training schedule

for several weeks now, and your performance is still subpar. You dont even look like you want to be here. What do you have to say for yourself? This is greeted with a blank look from a less than shocked Tyler. Tyler the following sentence is palpable youre fired. Im sorry, but you are not cut out for this kind of job. he offers the young man a handshake. Tyler freezes up, his head is filled with visions of blood. Vanessa and blood. He walks out of the building, leaving his former managers hand in the air. His vehicle makes a beeline for his house, the driver crying and reminiscing the fond memories the entire ride home. This never would have happened if they were still together, he tells himself. He would be happy, would

have never lost his first job in the first place. This is somehow her fault, even though it has been months since they have spoke. It is already beginning to get dark when Tyler gets home. He runs upstairs to his room, walking past his mother and his brother, ignoring their inquiry as to how the day at work was. Watching the videos calms him down, despite the tears and the frustration he feels. Seeing her sleeping half naked and oblivious to him is consoling. The only welcome feeling he has now is the thought that someday they would be back together. His delusions are growing more vivid, more disturbing. After spending the entire night locked in his room watching the videos, Tyler decides it is time to see Vanessa again.

24

By the time Tyler arrives at her house, the lights are off and Vanessa is presumably sleeping already. Becoming more comfortable and less cautious, he walks up to her house, slamming the car door shut with camera in hand. He goes straight to her bedroom window, and peeks inside to see Vanessa sleeping naked in bed. Looking at his watch, he finally realizes it is two o'clock in the morning already. She should be sound asleep. The kitchen window is still open from the night before. He makes his way through the window, and pushes her door open slowly. Hitting record, his mind feels instantly at ease. All of the erratic images that have flashed his mind throughout the day disappear. He is calm, relaxed and at ease. For the first time in months, he is happy.

Standing at the foot of her bed with the camera lens tracing her legs up to her face, he begins to forget what he is doing. Slowly reaching out, his fingertips touch her toes. Her foot twitches at the touch of Tylers cold fingers, but she does not wake up. His breathing picks up, as he slowly runs his finger up her foot, then up her leg and along her thigh. Her skin is as perfect as ever. She is beautiful, immaculate in every way. And still sleeping. Tyler runs his index finger back down her thigh and back to her foot. Touching her exhilarates him beyond belief, and he can hardly contain himself now. Images of Vanessa lying bloody on the floor suddenly take him over. He shakes his head, hoping to clear away the image.

In reality, his fingers are delicately caressing each toe, as Vanessa moans in her sleep. Tyler sees himself holding a knife, dripping blood and grinning from ear to ear. He takes a step backwards, scaring himself. The creak of the floor is timed perfectly as Vanessa turns to her side, away from Tyler. Images of a grisly murder scene begin to flash in front of Tyler rapidly, catching him off guard and scaring him. He runs out of the house, careless and quickly.

25
You light a cigarette as the house in front of you burns away. You knew the people who lived there, but there is nothing you can do to help. You see your ex-girlfriend fucking a stranger.

You see your ex-girlfriend dead on the floor, her blank eyes looking right through you. Change the channel. A massive car pile up leaves a few people badly wounded, and kills one person. You must buy this soap because it is guaranteed to resolve any stain in any dish you have. Change the channel. The girl behind the counter at the local convenience store flashes you a smile, as you imagine choking her unconscious and stripping her naked. The doctor fills out a prescription for 300 milligrams of Lithium. Take four times a day. Change the channel. Your vision is filled with blood. When your tears leave your eyes, they drip down your cheeks, and fall to the puddle of blood on the floor. This is all a dream, isnt it? This cant be real. Did you forget to take

your medication? Or is your neocortex betraying you?

26
Tylers drive home is filled with rage filled screams and cries for god. Why did this have to happen like this Vanessa? Why did you abandon me! You said you fucking loved me! You said you would stay by my side! Why did you disappear?! he yells to himself, saliva and tears combining on his lap. This isnt your fault Vanessa! This is my fault! MY fault! If I would have controlled myself better, if I would have treated you better His oldsmobile takes a hard turn right towards his house. You shouldnt have fucking said those things if you didnt mean them Vanessa! Did you do this just to fuck with me?! What kind of person are you?! What kind of monster would do this to me?!

God DAMNIT! Im sorry Vanessa; I didnt mean to hurt you! I didnt mean to push you away like that, just please forgive me! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! His driving reflects his mental breakdown. I LOVE YOU VANESSA! I FUCKING LOVE YOU! I WANT YOU BACK I LOVE YOU! His driveway is only a half a mile down the road now, as his speed increases to twice the speed limit. I ONLY WANTED TO BE WITH YOU! I ONLY WANTED YOU TO LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM! he screams in anger. Im sorry Vanessa, Ill stop yelling. I just love you so much. I dont want you to leave me behind. Ill help you with college. Ill get help. Ill get a therapist, and when you graduate we can get a place together! We can live happily and grow old together just like you said Vanessa. Isnt that what you wanted? he pleads with himself.

He pulls into his driveway, and steps out of the vehicle. In his fit of manic rage he forgets to turn the car off. Opening the door to his house, he walks down to his parent's bedroom. They are sound asleep. This could have been us! he says to himself under his breath, careful not to wake them. His parents love each other unconditionally, despite each of their flaws. Why am I not allowed to have this sort of love he asks himself. Am I unloveable? Heading upstairs to his room, he sets up the camera on his desk. He hits record, thinking he will do another video monologue for the dating website. The camera captures Tyler pacing in his room, crying and punching himself in the head. YOU ARE UNLOVABLE.

YOU ARE UNFIT FOR HER ATTENTION. YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF BEING LOVED BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCK-UP. He soon forgets he is recording as the thoughts of Vanessa take his mind over. His nightmares are now a reality. The camera soon loses sight of Tyler as he walks back down the stairs. Silence in the house as the rest of the family sleeps while Tyler struggles under the weight of his disorder. Hurried footsteps and intense sobbing can be heard by the camera. Tyler is back within sight of the camera, face red and covered in tears. He is now holding his step-fathers revolver. His mother knew that buying the gun was a bad idea. He tries to control his breathing, and he sits in front of the camera. Vanessa, I dont he breaks out in tears.

I dont want to hurt you! I love you! I love you! I just wanted to be with you. He looks at the barrel of the revolver, and begins to weep harder. Vanessa, I love you! I dont want to hurt you; I dont want to hurt anyone! I love you so much more than you will ever know. He puts the barrel against his temple, sweat and tears covering his visibly distraught face. Vanessa! I will always love you! he cries. In a brief moment of strange clarity and serenity, the noise in his head stops. The emotions subside, and he feels at peace. His world is silent, devoid of the harsh sounds and ugly images that filled his days. A gunshot wakes a sleeping family. Complete and serene silence.

Afterthought

Love obsession disorder is becoming an increasingly difficult mental issue to deal with. Many people suffer from love obsession, and it is widely un-recognized as a legitimate mental disorder. You, or somebody you know, more than likely know somebody who displays symptoms that were portrayed throughout this story. You may regard this person as a "creep", or a number of other insulting adjectives. The fact of the matter is, there's little enjoyment in this sort of behavior. The person who you may think of as some "insecure, jealous child" probably regards himself as the same person. Neither the victim or the person suffering from Love Obsession enjoy the breakdowns.