3 Layers of Change

The CAFI method builds up to a positive change in identity.

Through this inner work, you can proclaim that you are a runner, or
that you are a social butterfly, the life of the party, etc. Once you
start to take on this new identity, you can change your entire daily
routine and live the life you have always wanted to live.

Change is hard. It’s easy to keep up with the same routines, practice
the same habits, and be the same person that you’ve always been.
But that’s not what you’re here to do. Through change, be it in the
way that you go about making friends or how chatty you are at
parties, you can improve your social life and be the person you’ve
always wanted to be.

 
Why is change so hard? Unfortunately, when people try to make
changes in their life, they often go about it the wrong way. There are
three layers of change, and most of us only tap into the first two. By
starting inward, and focusing on the innermost layer of change, you
can more easily become the person you’ve always wanted to be. You
can become the friend that you’ve always wanted to be, the partner
you’ve always wanted to be, and eventually the husband that you’ve
always wanted to be.

What Are the Three Layers Of Change?

James Clear is the author of Atomic Habits, a New York Times
bestseller about building lasting habits. He explains that there are
three levels to change:

1. Change in outcomes

2. Change in processes

3. Change in identity

Change In Outcomes
Change in outcomes refers to what we get out of our habits and
actions. If you previously did not run marathons, and then ran a
marathon, that would be a change in outcomes. These are often
goals that you can write down in a notebook and resolve to achieve
by the end of the week, month, or year.

Change In Processes
Change in processes refers to the habits that get us there. If you
want to run a marathon, you might start training. You might get up
extra early and try to run four times a week. You might change your
diet to help you recover from runs and build muscles. These are all
changes or additions to your current habits.

Where People Go Wrong

Let’s stop here for a moment. For most people, this is how they try
to change themselves. They might tell themselves:

●    I am going to run four times a week (process) so I can run a

marathon (outcome.)

●    I am going to switch to a low-carb diet (process) so I can lose

weight (outcome.)

●    I am going to attend more social events (process) so I can

increase my social circle (outcome.)
 

If you’ve ever set a New Year’s Resolution or tried to set a lofty

goal, you know it’s not always easy to stick to these habits or
achieve the outcome.

This is because the third layer of change is missing.

Change in Identity
This third layer of change is a change in identity. It’s the change
from “I’m not a runner” to “I am a runner.” It’s the change from “I
am unhealthy” to “I am healthy. These changes speak to who you
are as a person, not just your accomplishments or daily schedules. 

Why It’s Important to Change Your

Identity
Runners don’t think about how often they need to run. They just run,
because that’s who they are. Guys who are good at dating don’t have
to set goals or quotas for going on dates. They naturally fill up their
calendars with dates and parties and fun events because that’s who
they are and that’s how they live their life.

Without this change in identity, it’s easy to fall back into old habits
or come short of our goals. Let’s say you set a goal to start running
four days a week so you can run a marathon. After a few weeks, you
wake up one morning and you don’t meet your goal of running four
days a week. You may look at this shortcoming and think, “I’m a
failure. I’ll never run a marathon. I’m not a runner. Who am I
kidding?” You cling to your identity, unchanged, as a person that
doesn’t run.

Let’s think about this in the dating world. Maybe you get a girl’s
number, but you never end up going on a date. You might look at the
situation and think, “I’m a loser. I’m not good at dating. I’ll never
have a girlfriend. Who am I kidding?” You cling to your identity,
unchanged, as a guy who isn’t so smooth in the dating world.

 
Falling short is easier to overcome when your identity supports the
habits you want to stick to. As a runner, it’s easier to just tell
yourself, “I want to run. I’ll run tomorrow.” Or that even if you have
to rest one day, you’ll be running in the future, because that’s just
who you are. Holding onto this positive identity softens the blow of
coming up short and assures you that you’ll get back on the wagon
in no time.

Start Your Change By Changing Your

Identity
If you don’t see yourself as a runner, a guy who is smooth with the
ladies, or a healthy person, that’s okay. You can (and should) change
your identity first, rather than solely focusing on the processes or the
outcomes.

If you want to be a fun person on dates, just tell yourself that you
are and practice.

 
Go on one date and enjoy yourself. Start from there! The date
doesn’t have to end in a second date, a kiss, or a marriage proposal.
Just enjoy the journey and the opportunity to have fun and get to
know someone knew. Once you start to identify with the persona of
a smooth talker or a great guy to be around, everything else will fall
into place. And if you fall short, there’s plenty of advice and other
tools in this book to help.