If it has to be a game...

Sales and dating have another thing in common. When you achieve
a lot of success, you become the top dog in the room. Lots of money
and a lot of beautiful women tend to go hand in hand. Just check out
any high-rolling gambler’s Instagram or rapper’s music video.

This isn’t the first book that you’ll find on how to be more attractive
and score a hot date. There are tons of resources, coaches, and
stories to learn from. But there are two distinct approaches behind
the literature you’ll find on dating. These approaches shape the way
that you are told to find women, start up a conversation with
women, and eventually get a date.

Depending on which approach you choose, you’ll eventually find

the woman of your dreams - or things will backfire. Quickly.
Approach #1
One approach will help you discover what you are looking for in a
relationship, teach you how to be more confident in yourself, and
tackle obstacles that may have kept you from pursuing the girl of
your dreams. 

Approach #2
The other will treat the dating process like a game. Rather than
looking for quality matches, these “pick-up artists” will boast about
having a new woman in their bed every night, “cracking the code”
of what women want, and using a set of particular steps to seduce
whoever pops up on their dating app. Women are “targets,” and
picking them up is a “skill” that you can develop with practice and
the right formula. They never get past the “pick-up” and can’t
actually maintain a relationship, leaving them feeling a void after a
while.

Why Approach #2 Doesn’t Work

Sure, this second approach sounds glamorous. It sounds fun. Being
able to boast about the notches on your bedpost can certainly put
you in the position of alpha male in some circles. Men are taught to
be ruthless, aggressive pursuers of women, and that women will
grovel at their feet if they are masculine enough. The men who
appear to be “successful” at this - the Dan Bilzerians and
“Mystery”s of the world - are praised for their ability to score and
get laid.

But here’s a wake-up call for you guys. This second approach is
wildly unrealistic. These pick-up artists can brag all they want about
how they have the line that will get all women talking or a
guaranteed way to pick up a conversation after a girl hasn’t
answered you. But that’s just not possible. Women aren’t a computer
- you don’t have to “crack any code” to be attractive, get matches on
Tinder, or secure a date. Every woman responds to pick-up lines and
being asked out differently.

Women also have two thumbs and the ability to call you, text you,
or ask you out on a date if they are interested. Not every woman is
going to take on this opportunity, but don’t think that you have to
lead every conversation and make every move. If a woman is
excited about the idea of dating you, she’ll make that known. If a
woman isn’t responding to you, it doesn’t mean that you have to try
harder - it might just mean that she’s not interested and you have to
move on.

And that’s ok. “Losing” out on the chance to date a particular

woman doesn’t mean you’re “losing” or that you’re a “loser.” It just
means that another woman is out there who is more suited for you.
After all, you’re only looking for one woman to marry. (Unless
you’re into polyamory.) It doesn’t matter how many numbers you
can get or how many women you can bed - if you are looking for a
long-term relationship, you’re realistically only looking for one
woman.

The men who put all of their energy into getting laid and being a
master pick-up artist will face rejection. Every person faces
rejection. But the more you rely on going on dates and hooking up
to shape your self-esteem, the more those rejections will eat away at
you.
 

Before you start this journey, throw away any ideas that this is just a
“game.” If you’re looking to “score points,” you’re not going to get
very far. Your plan might even backfire - using a recipe of pick-up
lines and date ideas might just result in being turned down more
often. Women can see through a guy who’s using generic pick-up
lines that he’s copied and pasted for all of his matches.

I’m going to talk further in a later section about how to develop a

vision for your dating life. It’s not misogynist or ineffective to have
specific goals. Women want to know what you are looking for in a
relationship. So think about ways to approach dating that are free of
numbers, “points,” or scores. Think about what you are looking for
in a partner: emotional support, someone who can be your partner in
crime, a companion on your travel adventures, etc.

And instead of asking yourself, “How can I make her fall in love
with me?” ask yourself, “How can I show her my true personality?”
 

Instead of asking yourself, “What does she want me to say?” ask

yourself, “How do I truly feel?”

Instead of asking yourself, “Why isn’t she texting me back?” ask

yourself, “What can I do to better myself so maybe she’ll want to?”

This can be a hard mindset to let go of. Again, men are taught from
an early age that they should take on the “job” of wooing a woman
and making them fall in love. It’s in a ton of cultures.This is not a
one-person sport. Both “players” are actively involved in building a
relationship and a life together. And that partnership begins with the
first conversation.

If you’re going to make this a “game,” make it a game of becoming

the best person. A person that naturally empathizes with the people
that he meets and actively listens to the person he is talking to. It
sounds cheesy, but focusing on yourself will help you become a
more naturally attractive person. By building yourself up,
overcoming anxiety, and displaying a confident energy, women will
start to make a game out of seducing you.

I get emails all the time about a guy who wants to win over this one
woman who just wont budge for him. Just imagine how happy he
would be if he found another girl who actually wanted him!

Keep these ideas in mind moving forward. Every person that you
see on a dating app, on the bus, or at a networking event is a person.
They aren’t a prize. If you’re just seeing the person in front of you
as a code to decipher or a puzzle, you’re not going to find what
you’re looking for. You won’t find the “key” to every woman’s heart
- you’ll just find that you missed a lot of opportunities to get to
know unique individuals and establish meaningful connections.